Charles Rangel, Man of Action: Showdown in Ko-Town

In March, North Korea torpedoed a South Korean Warship, killing 46 sailors. I received a call from my good friend, South Korean president Lee Myung-Bak, asking for help and warning me that the North Koreans would try to preemptively take out South Korea’s greatest weapon: Me! 

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Of course they would come after me. As you know, I’m a bad man. Charlie Rangel puts the laughter in manslaughter. Think about it. I trained my dog to pick up his own poop because I don’t take crap from anyone.

I jump in a cab and head down to Korea Town to Sung’s Korean Barbecue. I ain’t no punk. I hide in plain sight. I walk in and take a table in the corner.  Then in he walks, my old nemesis, General Min Kee Moon. He’s followed by a platoon of North Korean army regulars called Moon’s platoon. Our eyes meet. Well, not quite. Moon is cockeyed, the result of our last meeting and a carefully placed scissor kick to the back of the face. 

Moon says, “You should not have come here.” 

I look over my shoulder and said, “You talking to me, Moon?”

I wasn’t trying to be De Niro, but it was hard to tell who the cockeyed bastard was looking at. He looks at his lieutenant and orders him to attack. Two lieutenants look around, point at themselves and say, “Who, me?”

I leap into action. I did a flying scissor kick and skewered half the platoon. A Rangel kabob. The rest flee in terror. Do you know what happened to the Moon? Bang Zoom. Silly bastards. Bringing a platoon to a Charlie Rangel fight.