Charles Rangel, Man of Action: Shaken, Not Stirred

I first met James Bond at the Casino in Monte Carlo back in the fifties. He was my British Intelligence liaison. I taught him everything he knows; how to walk, how to talk, how to avoid a hat being thrown at you. The kid had no style. He walked into the Casino wearing a plaid sport coat, clip-on tie, and brown shoes after six. I walked up, and introduced myself, “Hello my name is Rangel, Charlie Rangel”
He said, “Wow Charlie Rangel. I’m …. I’m James Bond. Double O-3 1/2.”
I said, “Kid, you stand out like a sore thumb.”
 I had my tailor hook him up with a black tuxedo and a bow tie. Imus, ladies love the bow tie. We met at the bar around six, I ordered vodka martinis. Tea totaling bastard downs his and is about to urp when I cover his mouth and shake him up and down. That’s where the “shaken not stirred came from.”
Minutes later our target walks in: Chinese weapon supplier and top female assassin Buddha Call. She’s playing high stakes Baccarat with North Korean money. If I can beat her at the tables, I stop the North Koreans. Bond was lucky at cards but afraid of girls so it’s up to me to make the Buddha Call.
Bond says, “Be careful Mr. Rangel she’s a trained killer.”
I say, “I don’t know if you heard Jimbo, But I’m a Bad man.”
Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before I made it my bitch. She has the shoe and deals the cards.
She says, “Nine Mr.Rangel.”
I say,“Nine, and then some.”
I wake up in the morning with her draped over me like an Allen David suit. As I walk out the door she says, “Call me Charles.” When I need another Buddha Call, I’ll holler. Silly North Koreans, bringing a female assassin to a Charlie Rangel fight.