June 3: Al & Tipper's Hostile Climate; No More Dems; and The Oil Slick in Washington

• Get a room. Separate rooms, actually.Global "Accumulating."  What Tipper and Al will split when they split: Since 2000 election, when the family’s net worth was estimated at about $1-million – they’ve glommed onto roughly $100-million worth of cash and stuff including $8.75 million Pacific shore mansion, multi-million dollar home in Nashville, multi-million dollar condo in San Francisco in addition to their Washington area Arlington Tudor; 100-foot boat, the “Bio-Solar One,” and they own a farm in Carthage, Tennessee that includes a zinc mine.  Climate change.  It’s a good thing.
• How goes the Afghanistan “hearts-and-minds” campaign?  We report. You decide. Afghan President Karzai tells 1,600 delegates to a national peace conference not to worry about the bombs, mortars, machineguns, grenades, screams and so forth in the street just outside the Kabul conference site.  Heard it all before.  Just white noise at this point.  At least no delegates reported dead yet.  Although, peace gathering runs two more days.  So it’s still early.
• That’s gonna leave a mark. We Interrupt These Headlines To Bring You an Urgent Bulletin We’d Rather Not Have to Report:  “Lowe's Shopper Shoots Self In Testicles.”  There.  Unidentified victim shopping at Lynwood, Washington Lowes when handgun in the waistband of his pants discharged.  Police say gunshot appears to have been purely accidental, and really, really painful.  “Lowes:  Let’s building something together.”  Like a new Love Liquor Locker, maybe…
• Seismic party shift expected among fall election candidates:  Pundits believe Democrats may soon be seeking to align themselves with any other alternative political entity in view of new Gallup poll results.  Gallup now finds the number of voters saying they’ll vote for Republicans is the largest ever recorded for the party; a 49 to 43 percent lead.  Mugwumps and the U.S. branch of Dutch Pedophilia Party already attracting interest.
• Things for men to be thankful for:  One, you’re not married to Jean Healge, who says Americans use enough plastic annually to shrink-wrap the state of Texas. Therefore, Ms. Healge is trying to eliminate plastic from her life.  Extreme “Earth momma” bakes her own bread, only buys loose foodstuffs she can find in bins, not packaged; even makes her own toothpaste. Would make you want to kill yourself.  Wait a minute:  Makes the toothpaste, somehow, out of vodka.  Never mind.
• Her life will be better than yoursStudy:  “Blondes Fare Better In Life, Period.”  Queensland University of Technology research discovers women with blonde hair tend to earn higher wages than brunettes and redheads “regardless of differences in education.”  Also found blondes are more desired in marriage market and spouse’s income is roughly six-percent higher than spouses of redheads and brunettes.  Takeaway:  If your roots are showing, it could cost you.
• Two women protesters arrested outside White House…after one pours thick, black oil over the other’s head.  Remarkably, the two were not protesting BP oil spill but somehow connected their act to ambiguous complaint against government of Peru. With hair thoroughly oiled, initial confusion over whether or not protester might be Amy Winehouse, understandable.