Where Would Stossel Be Without His Moustache?

After waiting nearly two months for a package of Henley t-shirts to arrive, Imus received notification from Hanes that his order was canceled because the item had been on backorder for more than 60 days, which is in violation of state law. Luckily, Imus had Fox Business Network’s own John Stossel, a former consumer reporter, in studio today explain why Hanes would offer a product it couldn’t deliver.
 
Rather than indulge Imus’s silly little problem, Stossel, after admitting he no longer cares about stuff like this, replied, “You’re a rich guy. Buy some other shirts.”
 
Imus tried to play the cancer card, claiming those t-shirts would have helped him heal, but Stossel saw right through the façade, as he does with most scams. You know, like the whole higher education thing, which he’ll explore tonight on his FBN show Stossel.
 
“The politicians always say everybody should go to college, and Hillary Clinton’s fond of saying that college graduates make a million dollars over a lifetime more, and that’s true,” Stossel, a libertarian, said. “But it’s so deceitful, because those kids were different in the first place. Kids who apply to college are more ambitious, they work harder.”
 
As a result of societal pressure, people who have no business being in a college environment do it anyway, and wind up drowning in debt and low self-esteem post-graduation. Stossel agreed with Imus that college can be a great place for students to learn about literature, philosophy, art, and other high-minded subjects—but at what cost?
 
“For the $52,000 that my college now charges, you can do it more cheaply, people can read those things on their own now,” Stossel said. “I learned about chasing women and playing poker, and didn’t learn much about the great books in college.”
 
Imus was not surprised to learn his guest had been a ladies man, but Stossel insisted he was not as handsome in those days. And why not? “I didn’t have a moustache.”
 
As one of the most outspoken libertarians out there, Stossel is naturally supporting his homeboy Ron Paul, aka “the Martian,” for President in 2012. “He’s been right about just about everything, and less government is a good thing,” Stossel said, and cautioned Imus against writing Paul off so soon. “At this point, people said, ‘Who’s that Governor from Arkansas? He has no chance! That freshman sSnator from Illinois? He has no chance!’”
 
Stossel credited Paul with making people care about government spending and about the deficit, one of many areas in which he thinks President Obama’s got it all wrong.
 
“We’re not going to help the economy by having a partnership with the private sector to get small businesses money,” Stossel said, referring to Obama’s statements in yesterday’s press conference. “We have a free market that gets small businesses money, if they have a good idea.”
 
Obama, in Imus’s view, is not terribly different from his predecessor, particularly in his attitude toward the financial community; the day after he was elected, Obama called on the same people who had advised Bush to advise him. None of this surprised Stossel, however, in all his libertarian glory.
 
“I’m writing a book, and I think I’m going to title it ‘No, We Can’t,’” he said. “This idea that the President and the government can make our lives better is a fatal conceit.”
 
Well, when you put it that way…
 
-Julie Kanfer