Blonde on Blonde: Radiation, Confrontation, and Invitations (This Headline Brought to You by Rev. Jesse Jackson)

In an odd turn of events during Blonde on Blonde today, Deirdre Imus and Lis Wiehl actually agreed on a number of issues, ranging from the dangers of radiation exposure to the way children should handle bullies. But you’d never know it, based on the contentious tone of their dialogue, and the I-Man’s aggressive use of bell to quiet them down.
 
Ann Coulter is, by anyone’s estimation, insane, a notion she verified recently when she claimed some forms of radiation are healthy. “She completely took the information from scientists about radiation out of context,” Deirdre said. “She needs to get her facts straight, and she needs to understand the science better, because it’s very dangerous how she said that.”
 
Deirdre conceded that some radiation, like the kind used to treat cancer, is technically okay, but she noted, “In the long term, it might ultimately kill that patient.”
 
Yet shutting down all nuclear power plants because they might someday poison everybody if and when a catastrophic event occurs is not the solution, so says Lis, who was accused of wanting to “be hysterical” and not listen to facts. Except that Deirdre sounded a little angry when she said that.
 
“Who is getting hysterical now?” Lis observed, then pointed at her fellow Blonde and said, “Exhibit A: hysterical.”
 
Then the bell went off, an indication that Imus was either bored or sick of being ignored, or both. But the Blondes ignored him, with Lis saying that a nuclear disaster happening in the U.S. is especially scary to her because she has relatives in Washington who live near a large nuclear site.
 
“Every time we have some catastrophe, you manage to make it about you!” Imus accused his guest. “That’s my job.”
 
Lis added that said she was frightened if for no other reason than the government was telling her not to be, which Deirdre incorrectly interpreted as Lis’s endorsement of the government line. “I’m agreeing with you!” Lis yelped, gasping for air.
 
After a few more dings of the bell, the subject shifted to a recent incident in Australia, where a 16-year old fat kid body slammed a 12-year old skinny kid who had been taunting him. While this is not newsworthy but for it being caught on camera, it raises the question of whether the fat kid was right to defend himself.
 
Lis instructs her kids to back away and find a teacher or principle if they’re ever threatned, but said of this particular situation, “Since there was no principle, there was no teacher, I don’t blame the kid.”
 
Imus has impressed upon Wyatt “since he was old enough to understand English” to punch someone in the mouth if they give him a problem, and to “go all Mike Tyson.”
 
As in boxing, Imus rang the ubiquitous bell, and moved on to the next round: Prince William and Kate Middleton choosing to invite ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends to their April wedding. “It’s a tone they’re setting,” Deirdre observed. “Let’s bring all the people we’ve boffed, and have a party!”
 
Another controversial idea: an app for sale in the iTunes store claims to offer a cure for homosexuality. Lis and Deirdre agreed this was a horrible idea, but an entirely legal one, leaving Imus with just one unanswered question:
 
“Does it work, Connell?”
 
-Julie Kanfer