Ebony & Ivory: War in Libya, Sammy Hagar's Brain, and Train Wrecks

Imus gave Ebony and Ivory another go today, this time choosing Michael Graham to spar with Tony Powell on issues big and small, national and international, relevant and irrelevant.
 
To start, Imus wondered whether President Obama is “the coolest president ever,” because not only has he started a war with a third Muslim country, he is also ignoring the potential threat of radiation to the West Coast, all while he’s definitely NOT on vacation in South America.
 
“The white half of Barack Obama has taken over,” said Graham, a host on 96.9 WTKK in Boston. He based this theory on Obama’s willingness not only to go to war for oil in Libya, but to potentially foster resentment of the U.S. in the Arab world by bombing a Muslim country.
 
“I think that’s asinine,” Tony shot back. “Do I think we should have gone? No. But the fact is, we’re part of a world community. The United Nations, the Arab League said there was a humanitarian crisis happening with Gaddafi turning planes and tanks on his own people.”
 
Undeterred, Graham insisted Obama was disingenuous. “I remember there was this guy in 2007 saying it was wrong to go to war in the Middle East,” he said. “It was wrong unless there was a direct threat against the US. That guy was Barack Obama.”
 
Tony pointed out that the U.S. is already in the Middle East, and defended Obama’s troop increase in Afghanistan by noting, “He’s trying to get out of these wars with the same care that there was a lock of getting into these wars.”
 
Graham  then highlighted the discord among U.S. government officials regarding the desired outcome in Libya. “Are we there to get rid of Gaddafi? Yes or no?” he said. “Hillary says yes, the generals say no. Obama says, ‘What time’s my photo op?’”
 
If Gaddafi remains in charge in Libya once NATO completes its operation, Graham believes he’ll go right back to brutalizing his detractors. “It’s like saying to Jack the Ripper, ‘We don’t want to arrest you, we just want you to stay home for a week watching TV,’” he said.
 
It would be helpful if all of these loony bins were abducted by aliens, as former Van Halen front man, and recent Imus in the Morning guest, Sammy Hagar claims he was. One thing Imus will never have to worry about, however, is Tony using that as an excuse for missing work.
 
“Black people will never claim to be abducted by aliens,” he explained. “Number one, it’s hard enough to stay out of jail. The last thing you want to do is volunteer for a 72-hour psych evaluation at Bellevue. Number two, we very rarely spend time out in the woods or the country, in some Southern rural area, where most of these things happen.”
 
In Graham’s view, aliens would be wasting their time going after Hagar. “Who wants Hagar’s brain?” he wondered. “Get Stephen Hawking’s. He can’t run from you!”
 
Charlie Sheen, on the other hand, can and has been running all over the place lately, and next month, he’ll star in a mental patient one-man-show that sold out two nights at Radio City Music Hall.
 
“There’s something about the train wreck aspect,” Graham, a former stand-up comedian, told Tony, a current one. “It’s kind of like tuning into Fox Business every morning, waiting to see if the old guy with the oxygen tube is finally going to flop over on the desk and have a brain aneurysm right on live television.”
 
Imus’s instant analysis of today’s Ebony and Ivory was that it was “pretty good,” and “worth doing again.” Though hopefully, next time, somebody will clarify one very important point for Graham.
 
“Am I the Ebony or the Ivory?”
 
-Julie Kanfer