Chris Wallace Tries to Stay on the Straight and Narrow

It was all sunshine and flowers right off the bat today between Imus and Chris Wallace.

“Congratulations on a big time performance with that nitwit Howard Dean,” Imus said to his guest, the host of Fox News Sunday. “You ate his lunch for him.”

The incident to which Imus was referring took place last Sunday, when, on national television, Wallace schooled Dean when he tried to call Fox News a racist organization.

“He was just dead wrong,” said Wallace. “I said, ‘Facts are inconvenient things.’”

Imus knows what you said, Chris. He just complimented you on it. But keep patting yourself on the back if it feels so good.

Though the clip of Wallace and Dean is readily available in video form, the Deirdre Imus had listened to it on the radio while driving to the airport in Albuquerque, which was great because she wasn’t distracted by funny facial expressions.

“I’m looking at you on the television right now,” Wallace told Imus. “And I’m thinking, ‘This man is talking about my face?’”

President Obama will sit down with the ladies of “The View” today, which Wallace believes only contributes to this administrations debasing of Obama’s currency.

“They’ve made him the point person for the administration,” said Wallace, adding, “It used to be that in interview with the President was a Really. Big. Deal. It isn’t anymore.”

Wallace claimed he isn’t smart enough to know whether the Arizona judge who struck down key parts of an immigration law was correct in doing so, but he suspects the attention she returned to the issue will help those who want to crack down on border control.

“It’ll be an issue in a lot of campaigns around the country come this fall,” he predicted.

For once, Wallace actually knew who’d be on his program this Sunday—none other than former Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin.

“There’s lots to talk to her about,” Wallace chirped. Last time he promoted a Palin interview on this show, Imus had asked if she’d be sitting in his lap, and Wallace made an unfortunate joke in response. Let’s not travel down that road again.  

“I meant sit in your lap like a dummy,” Imus said, unable to help himself.

Hoping to steer clear of any danger, Wallace changed the subject, saying, “I really liked when you told the story about you and Deirdre in the car listening to the radio.”

It was at that point that Imus decided not enough bad things could happen to Chris Wallace.

-Julie Kanfer