If Bo Wants to be Abused, He's Come to the Right Place

During what was a mostly unintelligible interview with Bo Dietl today, Imus learned more about his friend of more than 20 years than he ever cared to know. 

Responding to Imus’s comment that he is uncomfortable hearing Hollywood stars divulge sordid tales of abuse from their past, Bo agreed, saying, “I don’t want to hear it!”

Having endured abus from his father as a kid (“He was born in Germany and he used to beat me everyday”), Bo said he benefited from an ass-whooping every once in a while.

“I needed it,” said Bo, a former NYPD detective who may have otherwise wound up on the other, less noble side of the law.

In addition to being physically abused, Bo, like the actress and comedienne Monique, was sexually abused as a child too. Or at least that’s what we gathered from his semi-incoherent ramblings.

“When I was a kid, I was seven years old, the girls who lived across the street sexually abused me,” said Bo. “I didn’t know what I was doing! It thought I was an electrician. I had pliers, I got screwdrivers. They were like 18-19 years old—I didn’t know what they were doing.”

He didn’t like these “experimentations,” but has since decided not to look back on the dark secrets of his life. “You’ve already told us too much,” Imus declared.

Bo spent the rest of this morning’s interview defending his pal Governor David Paterson against charges that he interfered in a violent domestic dispute between one of his aides and a woman.

“The fact of the matter is, you can’t believe everything you read in the paper,” said Bo, intent on clearing his Paterson’s name, a task presently so difficult it would be like teaching Bo proper English. 

Imus asked some follow-up questions about whether Paterson had ever sent cops to this woman’s house to “negotiate” with her, or whether Paterson ever tried to dissuade her from pressing charges against his aide.

Bo was predictably unqualified to answer, leading to more threats of violence against a now grown-up Bo, this time from the I-Man.

“How would you like me to get my hands around your neck and make you tell me?” Imus said.

Sure. Try that.

-Julie Kanfer