Bo Dietl Finally Learns Elementary School-Level American History

Ever the patriot, Bo Dietl wished everybody a "Happy Veterans Presidents Day," and sent Godspeed to all American troops fighting in Afghanistan. Bo then extolled the virtues of this country's first President as only he can.

"The greatest American ever born was this man George Washington," said Bo. "He was involved in every battle. When his troops abandoned him, he was there in winters where they had to wrap rags around their feet in snow that was a foot-and-a-half deep."

He went on to describe Washington’s bravery during the Revolutionary War. "He would lead the charge at all times," said Bo, in awe. "They were shooting at this guy and by the grace of God, those bullets didn’t hit him!"

Imus, however, was more interested to learn that former Vice President Dick Cheney and current Vice President Joe Biden, who dueled over Afghanistan on this past Sunday’s news shows, had each received five deferments to avoid serving in Vietnam.

"They're both hot to fight in Afghanistan and anyplace else on the planet as long as they don’t have to do it," he observed, then noted that Bo's tie was more muted than usual this morning. Charles even went so far as to say it gave him a stigmatism, which Bo confused with an erection, to the surprise of no one.

Bo's close friend, the financial journalist Charles Gasparino, announced over the weekend that he would leave CNBC. There has been speculation that he'll sign with the Fox Business Network, about which Bo conspicuously said, "Three cheers to Roger Ailes for looking at this and evaluating this guy."

Way to play it cool, Bo.

Another Bo Dietl pal is New York Governor David Paterson ("he's my brother from another mother"), who will likely be challenged for his seat later this year by New York's Attorney General Andrew Cuomo.

"You ran one other business, that was called HUD," said Bo, addressing Cuomo directly. "Remember Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac?"

Referencing Cuomo's time as Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development under Bill Clinton, Bo actually made some sense, lambasting Cuomo for encouraging a system that lent trillions of dollars to unqualified homebuyers.

But Bo could tell Imus's mind was elsewhere today, and he was right to presume the I-Man was not feeling well. Luckily, Bo had some feel-good advice.

"If you stop taking that yak semen, you'll feel a lot better," said Bo, who was then advised (for a change) to get out of the studio.

-Julie Kanfer