Greg Buttle Makes People Cry

Greg Buttle, the former New York Jets linebacker who is now "on ESPN radio and a bunch of other stuff," as Imus put it, was psyched this morning, declaring, much like Hulk Hogan, "It's a wonderful day to be alive, brother!"

Last time the two spoke, Buttle was talking up to Imus Jets coach Rex Ryan, whose temperament and coaching strategies have garnered him lots of attention, but haven't necessarily translated into wins for his team.

"I love the guy because the message that he's delivering doesn't change," said Buttle. "Whether the media likes it, whether the media makes fun of him, whether the players wanna listen or don't listen."

Um, what about whether they win or lose?

"The message has to stay the same," said Buttle. "Once you change your message, you're losing the players in the locker room."

Buttle has no problem with Ryan breaking down in tears recently, and recalled a time when his own Jets coach Walt Michaels became similarly emotional.

"He was chewing me out after a game because I had about five penalties for 100 yards," Buttle recalled. "He was welling up, he said, 'I've never seen a player lose a game like that before.'"

When Buttle told his coach he was getting a little too upset, Michaels said, "I'm crying because I think I'm going to kill you."

As for Tiger Woods, Buttle said everybody should leave the guy alone, because his sexual fetishes and wandering eyes (and hands, and some other stuff) are between Tiger and his wife. He protested there were more important things to focus on, and became suddenly, and surprisingly, political.

"Let's talk about other things, like the global warming debate — the leftist, Ponzi scheme to bilk the public of their money and conscience," said Buttle, who appears to be a Republican, and, based on his five favorite songs (Home For the Holidays, Blue Christmas, Bing Crosby's White Christmas, The Coasters' White Christmas, and Handel's Messiah) a Christmas-lover.

On to this week's football picks, Buttle does not think the Saints and the Colts will remain undefeated; the Giants will win, the Jets have to win; and the Chargers will "slap around" the Cowboys because the Cowboys, he said, cannot be methodical.

"That's enough analysis," said Imus, clearly in a rush to get home and light the Menorah.

-Julie Kanfer