From the Green Room: Tabloids Fill Voids

Today, the above-the-fold, banner headline on the front page of the New York Times is “The Afghan Struggle: A Secret Archive,” referring to previously classified documents that provide a much grimmer portrayal of the war than the official version. The venerable New York Daily News features “Sex Police,” about the NYPD probe of officers cheating on their spouses with each other.  But today, the blue ribbon for Best Front Page Headline goes to the New York Post for their account of confessed wife-killer Johnny Concepcion’s controversial organ transplant:

 “Liver Let Die”

Pop Quiz:  Which of these three papers are you going to buy?

There is simply nothing better than the wordplay that winds up on the covers of our daily papers, except imagining their conception. One wonders how much high-fiving went on in the editor’s office when the head of the city desk came up with the classic “Headless Body Found In Topless Bar.” Or if there was a wager made amongst the staffers of the Wall Street Journal on whether or not the headline “Colleagues Finger Billionaire” would ever hit the streets (it did.). Like musicians and night club owners, newspaper-people lead very complicated lives. At least ones with long hours that undoubtedly make them a little punchy, resulting in the delightfully lurid head captions on the covers of our favorite tabloids.  

Obviously, the point is to draw attention to the story in an effort to motivate the purchase of the paper. But often the context is pretty fast and loose within the pages themselves, or, even better, from the Associated Press release, like “Tiger Woods Plays With His Own Balls.” It happens so often that Jay Leno has made recitations of them a signature part of his “comedy” shtick on The Tonight Show.

In the digital age, with the circulation of actual, physical, newsprint dwindling exponentially, it wouldn’t hurt the Times to come up with some more suggestive, double-entendre, florid banners to help sell more copies. And with no shortage of bad news surrounding the issues of the day, there is something for the staid and stuffy Grey Lady to learn from the media outlets that know how to grab attention. The story behind “The Afghan Struggle: A Secret Archive” might be more eye-catching if they led with “Afghan Knits Different Pattern.” Similarly, “BP Is Expected to Replace Chief with American” might be more attractive if it had “The British Are Going” at the top.   

Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll ever see a headline in the Times sports section even CLOSE to Chris Duncan’s AP story about a New York Yankees 13-0 win over Houston back in the 2008 season, when the Taiwanese Pitcher Chien–Ming Wang sprained his foot running the bases and Alex Rodriguez hit a three-run homer:

“A-Rod Goes Deep, Wang Hurt”

Stop the presses.