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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning!

Playing Offense Against GMO's: Your Right To Know

by Deirdre Imus - Back in April the popular Mexican restaurant chain Chipotle announced it would use only ingredients free of genetically modified organisms, or GMOs.  Last year, Whole Foods Market committed to “full transparency” on products containing GMOs, demanding that by 2018 all products sold in its U.S. and Canadian stores be labeled to indicate if they contain genetically engineered materials. These are noble proclamations with potentially huge implications and should not be taken lightly.  Read more...

Deirdre Imus on Your World with Neil Cavuto - Little Caesars now selling pizza with bacon-wrapped crust

 

An Angry Father's Guide To The Measles Vaccine 

Be informed. Please. I wish I had, 10 years ago, and my life and my family’s life would be much different today. I don’t want you to agree with me, I don’t need you to agree with me, and I don’t need you to change any of your plans, but I hope you’ll listen to what I have to say so you have more information to make the right choice for your son or daughter. Read more...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Thursday
    May082014

    NFL Draft Edition

    6:05:10 a.m. – Dagen reports that, yesterday, there thousands of ADULT MEN, a “Goulash of Losers”, caged up, all the way down 50th Street from Radio City to Rockefeller Plaza, waiting on line for admission bracelets for tonight’s NFL Draft.  Yes.  You heard right.  Grown men, waiting for hours, to get a ticket to watch NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announce some College Football Player’s name.  Not exactly backstage passes for a Springsteen, Billy Joel and David Bowie concert. 

    INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, BOTH THESE GUYS COULD ALSO BE FOUND AT THE STAR TREK CONVENTION DRESSED AS KLINGON STEELER FANS

    6:07:14 a.m. –  Rob was late again this morning, this time he woke up in time, he was just held up in traffic.  Well, Rob wasn’t actually ‘Robbed’, he was delayed because some moron didn’t know how to drive in the rain and caused an accident on the onramp to the Long Island Expressway, that had traffic backed up to…England.

    “I DARE SAY SOME DULL CHAP ON LONG ISLAND MUST’VE CAUSED THIS SNAFU.  I’D BETTER RING THE MISSUS AND TELL HER I’LL BE LATE FOR TEA AGAIN.”

    6:21:24 a.m –  Warner predicts that ‘Javadeon’ Clowney will be the first draft, and will be playing for the Houston Texans.  It’s Jadaveon.  But we understand that kind of mispronunciation.  But then he says that ‘Javadeon’ has already signed an endorsement deal with “Pee-yuma”.  Which, we believe, is the smellier version of the athletic shoe company ‘Puma’.

    THESE SHOES…REEK OF…WELL, POO.  WHICH IS WHY THEY CALL THEM ‘POO-MAS’

    6:23:07 a.m. – Imus says that, originally, the guest in the 8 O’Clock Hour was going to be Lanny Davis, the professional apologist.  They were, ostensibly going to talk about the Monica Lewinsky affair, although the I-Man said that when Mr. Davis asked what the topic of discussion would be, he told him it would be “The Proper Way to Construct Model Airplanes”, Gardening, and Quantum Theory.  Unfortunately, Lanny will NOT be appearing on the program this morning, as, he sniffed too much glue last night preparing the Model Airplane questions.

    LANNY DAVIS.  HE’S GOT A PROBLEM NOW.

    6:35:07 a.m. – Colonel Bill Cowan is on, live from Washington D.C., looking very Sean Connery with his black turtleneck and white beard.  He actually looks COOLER than Sean Connery, which is not an easy task for an ordinary human to do, although Colonel Cowan is not your ordinary human. 

    COWAN AND CONNERY.  COOL TO THE SECOND POWER

    6:55:08 a.m. –  The I-Man has a bandage on his cheek.  He says he was attacked and had to fight off six guys.  Which means he ran out of breath trying to run away.  It actually looks like he might have cut himself shaving, but we think the real deal is that Deirdre ‘Edie Brickelled’ him.  We just hope they don’t write a song about it. 

    HE SAYS HE “TRIPPED” ON HIS “OXYGEN HOSE” AND HIT HIS FACE ON THE “TANK”

    7:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man starts the top of the hour with the almost rhetorical question, “How much drama do you think is in Dwight Yoakum’s life?”  He’s going to be playing a Dwight song that the Boss believes might be ‘Autobiographical’.  If the song he’s going to play is the one with the Giraffes taking a shower in the waterfall…we’d say that’s quite a bit of drama.  If it weren’t for the fact that we’re relatively sure Dwight doesn’t shower.

     “I DON’T EVEN WASH MY HANDS.  I JUST PEED…IT’S ONLY SKIN…UNLESS YOU HOLD YOUR HAND IN FRONT OF YOUR PENIS…WHICH WOULD BE STUPID.”

    7:17:24 a.m  – “When you think of ugly people, you think of CNN”…this could very well be the I-Man ‘Line of the Day’.   It’s funny…because it’s so true.

    AT CNN, NOT JUST THE CAMPAIGN TURNED UGLY

    7:39:34 a.m. – It is a very contentious ‘Mensa Meeting’ this morning, with most of the friction occurring between Deirdre and Alan Colmes (What else is new?). The question was posed, “Would you have sex with a robot?”  We already know what Gunz’ answer will be.  He would hose warm mud if you held it in your hand.  He reveals that some of his girlfriends, actually check their Facebook pages during sex.  And a couple have been on the phone.  To old boyfriends.  Although, knowing the kind of girl Gunz would be able to date, she was probably calling Chinese Take Out.

    “…and a quart of Moo Goo Gai Pan, two orders of spare ribs, six egg rolls, and don’t forget the extra Duck Sauce.  You want anything, Gunz?”

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man provides some an incredibly valuable ‘Life Lesson’, sage wisdom, and salient advice:  “There’s no reason not to be happy.  If someone is making you unhappy, or a situation is making you unhappy…move on.”  The entire crew then quits.

    THE LATEST OFFERINGS IN THE IMUS ‘HEARTSOUNDS’ GREETING CARD LINE

    8:10:14 a.m. – The I-Man announces that there will be a bonus edition of ‘Vinnie From Queens’ this morning, to fill the void left by the absence of Lanny Davis.  He mentions that Mr. Davis was behind the A-Rod strategy.  How did that work out?   Well…let’s just say that A-Rod has been about as successful playing for the Yankees this year, as the Dry Cleaner was getting out that stain on the Blue Dress.

    “MR. RODRIGUEZ WON’T BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS…ABOUT THE STAIN ON HIS YANKEE PINSTRIPES…AND HE WON’T BE SIGNING THAT ROOKIE CARD”

    8:38:14 a.m. – The Bonus Edition of Vinnie From Queens, includes Tony, Rob, Connell, Bigfoot, Bernie, Gunz, Lou and the from the bagel cart outside who doesn’t speak English.  It’s an interesting segment, as we spend as much time talking about the Rodeo as we do the NFL Draft.  Rob, who doesn’t know a THING about Sports, said that he thought ‘Joe Beaver’ was going to go first to the Houston Texans.  It seemed like a safe bet to him.  Joe IS, after all, already a Texan.  Rob, obviously, is a moron.

    LAUGH ALL YOU WANT…JOE BEAVER WOULD BE A GREAT FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    IN HONOR OF THE NFL DRAFT, HERE’S THE CLASSIC SKETCH FROM THE CHAPPELLE SHOW:

    ‘The Racial Draft’

     

    http://vimeo.com/61499874 

    Wednesday
    May072014

    Dwarf-Napping

    6:05:10 a.m. – After going missing yesterday, our Business Reporter, Lori Rothman, is back, safe, and sound. Ashley Webster, however, is in custody, awaiting arraignment for ‘dwarf- napping’. One thing is for sure, Webster is in trouble because the guys in the joint won’t be happy with him. There’s nothing they hate more than pedophiles…except people who are cruel to midgets. You thought Ashley was sweating yesterday, today he’s sweating more than Bill Clinton at a cigar shop. We imagine Webster will learn what it’s like to be a midget in jail as he’ll be spending a lot of time on his knees.

    HYGIENE IS VERY IMPORTANT IN JAIL

    6:13:14 a.m. – Speaking of Monica Lewinsky  The I-Man responds to the news that Monica Lewinsky is writing a tell all for Vanity Fair. The Boss says that he has empathy for Ms. Lewinsky. That makes sense as both he, and Monica both got screwed by Bill Clinton.  Imus took one on the chin at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner…and Monica took two on the chin in the Oval Office.

    “OH GOD.  OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.  ‘GO BABY?’  I’M GOING TO KILL THAT MOTHERF$%#ER”

    6:40:46 a.m. – I-Fave Stuart Varney is in this morning looking like they just let him out of Gitmo, wearing a wrinkled oxford shirt, Mom jeans, and boat shoes.  We’re not sure why Stuart is ‘Slumming’ this morning.  Maybe today is ‘REALLY  Casual Wednesday’, or maybe yesterday was ‘Sleep in a Dumpster Day’…or it’s just some British Tradition we’re not familiar with, where people show their disdain for others by dressing like a housewife on her way to buy a spatula at ‘Bed Bath & Beyond’.  He really looks like an idiot.

    STUART VARNEY.  A RATHER FETCHING LOOK, DON’T YOU THINK?

    6:43:11 a.m. – Varney is on to talk about…we THINK… how much the president sucks.  Or in other words, it’s Wednesday.  He weighs in on the Monica Lewinsky piece in Vanity Fair.  According to Stuart, it was Obama’s fault the whole affair went down…you should excuse the expression.  If Obama had only bought Bubba a humidor along with the box of cigars he gave him, none of this would’ve happened in the first place.

     THERE, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF A WOODEN BOX…

    7:07:35 a.m. -  Connell reads a report about former American Idol alum, Clay Aiken, who is running for Congress in North Carolina, and we predict a landslide write in vote for Ruben Studdard.  It seems Mr. Aiken is in a tight run-off with his Democratic Primary opponent, Keith Crisco. Somehow we get the impression that Aiken has been in a tight spot with Crisco before.

    CRISCO.  FAT IN THE CAN.  LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN

    7:23:15 a.m. – Warner reports that Michael Jordan claims he was a racist until he saw ‘Roots’.  Which, is somewhat confusing, as…it’s not like White People come off all that well in ‘Roots’.  If anything, Ed Asner’s character alone would be enough to make Donald Sterling hate White People.  Bernie suggests that “Maybe Tony should see it.”  But Tony didn’t really hate White People until 7:23:15 a.m. this morning.

    THAT CHEESEY BEARD AND PONYTAIL ARE ENOUGH TO MAKE

    DAVID DUKE HATE WHITE PEOPLE

    7:38:37 a.m. –  Blonde on Blonde or as we like to call it “Why are my testicles turtling?” is particularly contentious this morning.  The topic is, of course, Monica Lewinsky, and, if it were up to Deirdre, Bill Clinton would be castrated with a dull, rusty clam knife.  On the other hand, Lis, who represented the Democrats during the Impeachment proceedings, wonders where she can get Bubba’s number and a box of Macanudos.

    LIS WIEHL.  QUITE THE ‘CIGAR AFFICIANADO’.  ALTHOUGH SHE’S NEVER SMOKED ONE.

    8:07:26 a.m. – The I-Man and Warner are debating about whether Johnny Manziel will go first in the draft.  The Wolfman says it will be Jadeveon Clowney, the Defensive End from South Carolina.  The Boss says that if Johnny Football isn’t the number one draft pick, he’ll be really disappointed.  Just as he was when he found out he wasn’t Deirdre’s number one draft pick.  The only reason she married him was because Wolfman Jack was already dead.

    “I’M GOING TO FEED YOU AN ALL NATURAL, ORGANIC, VEGAN DIET, WOLFMAN!”                    “NOT IF THOSE SCORPIONS GET TO YOU FIRST!  IF I’M LYIN’ I’M DYIN’!”

    8:16:14 a.m. – Dagen talks about the Monet Painting that sold for 27 Million Dollars.  The I-Man remarks that “You can get something that looks better than that at one of those ‘Holiday Inn’ Art sales.”  That, or just pull the one off the wall in your room at the Motel 6.  We don’t know much about art, but we know what we like.  And it’s Velvet Elvis.  Or those Poker Playing Dogs.  Or those kids with the big eyes.

    MONET : 27 MILLION DOLLARS

    THE VELVET PAINTING OVER THE SOFA IN THE HACIENDA  AT

    THE IMUS RANCH FOR KIDS WITH CANCER: 24 MILLION DOLLARS.  A MUCH BETTER VALUE

    8:39:24 a.m. – Yet another I-Fave, Juan Williams is on, and he too, as everyone this morning, comments on the story of the day:  The Monica Lewinsky Affair.  The I-Man asks Juan if he thinks that the Clinton Camp is trying to change the narrative to suit their political agenda, in regards to the Benghazi situation.  When we get to thinking about it, we realize Monica and Hillary are really the same.  Monica blew Bubba, and Hillary blew Benghazi. 

    SISTERS. AT, OR UNDER, THE DESK.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    CHRIS ROCK PUTS THE WHOLE MONICA LEWINSKY AFFAIR IN PERSPECTIVE

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKi1ePbpi4c

    Tuesday
    May062014

    The Hunky I-Man!

    6:05:10 a.m. – The Boss WAS in a good mood this morning, and then Carley and Nat’s absences turned him ugly.  Not like ‘Ugly’ ugly, because the I-Man is nothing if not a pretty hunky dude, but we mean his demeanor has turned ‘ugly’. 

    I-MAN: HUNKY DUDE (WITH BIG ROY)

    6:07:14 a.m. –  Ashley Webster is in for Lori Rothman…doesn’t ANYBODY work on this program any more?

    LORI WAS OUT WITH FRIENDS LAST NIGHT, CELEBRATING CINCO DE MAYO, WE THINK SHE MAY HAVE CELEBRATED JUST A BIT TOO HARD

    6:17:24 a.m –   Imus was at the annual SKIP ‘Friendraiser’ last night, and, upon showing up at the venue, heard someone calling his name as he got out of the car.  Turns out it was none other than Martha Stewart.  It’s interesting that he should’ve heard her yelling at him out on the street, he can’t hear you if you’re next to him screaming in his ear.  We’re not sure why Martha was attempting to get the I-Man’s attention.   We assume she wanted to compliment him on his corduroy ascot.  It’s a good thing.

    I-MAN: HUNKY DUDE

    6:35:07 a.m. – Relationship Expert, Laurie Puhn, is on, and we’re not exactly sure why.  It’s not Valentine’s Day, and it’s not ‘Take Your Daughter To Work Day’, so, we assume that it’s got something to do with Mother’s Day, and she will spend the next 7 minutes making us feel like we’re shi##y husbands if we don’t do something for our wives for ‘Mother’s Day’.  One thing’s for sure: No matter what we do, it won’t be the right thing.  Laurie talks about her online course that she offers where you can ask for advice about your own relationship by interacting with other couples. Sounds like a ‘Swinger’s Dating Service’ Site, but we’re sure it’s not.  However, we’ve seen similar sites to the one Laurie is talking about…they usually cost about 5 dollars a minute, and it takes the model a long time before she does what you ask her to do.

    IS THIS THE KIND OF ADVICE YOU CAN GET FROM LAURIE?  COUNT US IN

    7:05:20 a.m. –  Warner reports a human interest story:  The Eagles have signed a 6 foot 9, 277 pound former Army Ranger Captain to play Defensive End.  The I-Man, of course, thought Warner was speaking about the band.  Don Henley probably weighs about 277…but he’s considerably shorter than 6 foot 9…and besides…he’s already signed.

    THERE’S GONNA BE A HEART ATTACK TONIGHT…A HEART ATTACK TONIGHT…I KNOW.

    7:14:28 a.m. – The I-Man talks about how inspirational Richard Cohen and Meredith Vieira are, noting that their appearance at the SKIP event last night was yet another example of people of incredible courage, determination and devotion.  “Most people wouldn’t stick around when things got bad… they are OUT OF THERE, claiming: ‘I didn’t sign up for this’…yeah, well I didn’t sign up for your ass getting that big either.”

      “I’M NOT FAT…I’M BIG BONED.”  OH YEAH?  THERE’S NO BONES IN YOUR ASS…

    7:17:24 a.m  – Imus didn’t recognize ‘Gunz’ at the SKIP event last night…probably it’s the first time The Boss ever saw the boy in a suit, and he was actually talking to a woman.  

    GUNZ GETTIN’ HIS SMOOOOOVE ON

    7:39:34 a.m. – Hollywood & Vine:  Ends in a rather contentious fashion, as there appears to be some animosity between the women on the panel over Kate Upton.  Apparently, the Actress and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model is not happy with her breasts getting more attention than her…booty.  White People’s Problems.  Neither Dagen nor Imogen give Ms. Upton’s derriere a second thought… (hence her dilemma) however, it is her rather ample bosom that they take exception to.  We sense a hint of jealousy here, as, compared to Kate Upton, both Dagen and Imogen’s cup sizes are of the ‘Dixie’ variety, while Kate’s a ‘Big Gulp’.  Neither Bernard nor Riedel seem to have a problem with Kate’s sweater meat…especially when it’s supported by a dental floss bikini top.  Dagen warns ‘Whoever’s gonna put a ring on it’, that ‘In a few years, those Nipples are gonna be down on her knees’.  This does cause us some concern Kate Upton, or as we like to refer to her, ‘Kupton’, would be in danger of tripping.

                                      ‘KUPTON’ IN 2014              ‘KUPTON’ IN 2064 (ARTIST’S RENDERING)

    8:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man reads aloud from Lou Dobb’s book.  We are impressed.  He may only be 73, but, as Kinky Friedman observes, ‘He reads at a 74 year old level’.  

    NOT BAD FOR A GUY WHO READ BEOWULF WHEN IT WAS STILL IN GALLEYS

    8:16:32 a.m. –  The Boss plays Paul Simon and Edie Brickell’s new ‘single’, written in answer to the domestic disturbance they were engaged in the other weekend…and now we know why they hate each other.  Edie should’ve married Garfunkel.  His career needs a boost more than hers does.

    EDIE AND GARFUNKEL.  CAREFUL, ART, SHE’S GOT A MEAN RIGHT HOOK.

    8:38:14 a.m. – Lou Dobbs is stuck in traffic.  Which means he won’t be on the program this morning.  The I-Man is not happy.  “Would he be late for Fox n’ Fiends?  Would he be late for his OWN program?”   We’re somewhat suspicious of the ‘Stuck in Traffic’ excuse.  We think Lou merely has a Mexican Cab Driver.  “Oh, you need to be at 48th and 6th by 8:15 huh?  Well, I gotta make a stop at the Border, homes.   We going to Jersey first”

    “HEY, MR. DOBBS!  BRIDGES?  WE DON’T GOT TO SHOW YOU NO BRIDGES…WE DON’T GOT TO SHOW YOU NO STEEENKING BRIDGES!”

    9:07:14 a.m. – Warner reports on the ineffective Pacer Center, 7 foot 2 Roy Hibbert, who got no points, no rebounds and five fouls in 18 minutes, to which Warner says “Hey, Big Roy…get out!”   Warner, however, is unaware that that’s the nickname that Imus has given his penis.  And whenever somebody says those words…well…let’s just say it was an uncomfortable few moments on Fox Business.  But apparently, neither ‘Big Roy’ was successful in ‘Finding the Hole’.

    IMUS AND ‘BIG ROY’ (BEHIND THE BASKETBALL…ALTHOUGH, TO BE HONEST, IT VERY WELL COULD’VE BEEN A GOLF BALL)

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    “I-FAN”, MARTHA STEWART

    IN HER BLOOPER REEL

    “IT’S A GOOD THING!”

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cmWeJ0Jh-w 

    Monday
    May052014

    Born to Be Wild

    6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man announces that “I actually LIKE Austin”.  He and the family were there checking out University of Texas.  He hopes that he won’t alienate his other Texas Peeps.  Yeah, that would be the reason.

    THE BOSS GOES MOUNTAIN BIKING OUTSIDE AUSTIN IN THE TEXAS HILLS

    “BORN TO BE WILD”

    6:07:14 a.m. –  It’s 6:07 and Imus has already threatened to fire Dagen, Rob and Tony, claiming “I can’t trust them”.  We don’t know what we possibly could have done to earn the I-Man’s ire.  None of us has ever peed in his coffee, stepped on his oxygen hose or spit in his yogurt parfait.  Certainly not today.

    AS LONG AS THERE’S A STARBUCKS, WE’LL NEVER HAVE TO DO IT OURSELVES

    6:42:08 a.m. –  Bo Dietl.  Extolling the virtues of a firing range in New Jersey that features machine guns, which he frequented over the weekend, because, according to Mr. Dietl, “We’re on the Eve of Destructitation”.   He says that the Mayor of NYC, Deblasio, (Big Bird, as Bo calls him) has brought in a new warden for Riker’s Island.  Bo is upset because the guy is from Maine.  Guess he never saw The Shawshank Redemption.  He then seque’s into Benghazi.  We’re not quite sure how, but he did.  He says he’s looking forward to seeing Hillary Clinton take the stand in a Congressional Hearing, taking the Fifth, and “Homina Homina-ing” like Frankie Five Angels from ‘Godfather II’.   We’re surprised at the reference, because we would’ve assumed Bo would’ve made a ‘Luca Brazi’ reference when it came to Hillary.

    SHE’LL MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU CAN’T REFUSE.

    7:05:10 a.m. – Down in Austin, the I-Man meets Nancy Brazzil, a woman with whom he’s communicated over the past year or so, via email.  Having never met her before, had formed an opinion about what he expected her to look like, which was “Something like Hillary Clinton.”  Turns out she looks “Like a Fox News Anchor”.  Connell observes “A lot of radio listeners form an opinion about what you look like, I-Man."  And it’s NOT a Fox News Anchor.  It’s just an anchor…one that’s rusted and covered in barnacles.

    AHOY THERE, MATEY!  YOU SUCK!

    7:14:28 a.m. – The I-Man is NOT happy with NetJets.  His trip home was more like a Carnival Cruise.  The phones didn’t work there was no Internet Service and the toilets were backed up.  Warren Buffet, Chairman and CEO of NetJets told the Boss that if he ever had a problem, to call him.  He shouldn’t of done said that. Buffet and Charlie Munger will be on Fox Business later on, talking to Liz Claman.  The interview will be interrupted by a cell phone call to Mr. Buffet.  “Hey Numb Nuts!  Fix the Effing Plane!”   It must suck to have BILLIONS of dollars…and still not be immune to the abuse of the I-Man.

    THIS WILL BE WARREN’S NEW GIG, ONCE THE I-MAN IS DONE WITH HIM

    7:25:50 a.m. – The reports on Joel McHale’s appearance at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner are not good.  One reviewer said it was ‘The Worst Performance…EVER.’  Well…maybe not…EVER.

    “GO BABY!”

    7:39:34 a.m. – ‘It Might Be Elvis’, otherwise known as, ‘F%$# You I’ll Play Whatever The F%$# I Want’.  The I-Man has chosen 5 songs this morning, ranging from Shooter Jennings to Imagine Dragons, in search of tunes that will make the Imus in the Morning ‘Power Rotation’.  We don’t like most of them, save for Shooter Jennings “Fourth of July”, and a new artist, Carter Beckworth, with a tune called ‘Broadway’.   Carter is a new I-Man Discovery, and we’re excited by the prospect, as Carter actually IS a new artist.  The last time the I-Man tried to ‘Hip Us’ to somebody new it was a couple of months ago, when he told us about these guys  ‘Bruce Springsteen’ and ‘Lyle Lovett’.   

    “HAVE YOU HEARD THESE GUYS FROM ENGLAND?  THEY SOUND LIKE THE EVERLY BROTHERS.  I THINK THEY HAVE POTENTIAL…”

    8:03:06 a.m. – Rodney Crowell is here to sing, and during the break, we listened in on the Sound Check.  We think this ‘New Artist’ may have quite a career ahead of him too.

    WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE BEEN ON ‘IT MIGHT BE ELVIS’?

    8:04:08 a.m. – Dr. Bill is all pumped up for ‘Cinco de Mayo’.  He says we should all have our ‘Tequila Gear’ handy.  We’re not sure if he means salt and limes…or a bucket and a bib.  

    DR. BILL CELEBRATING...JUST A BIT TOO ENTHUSIASTICALLY.

    8:12:24 a.m. – Connell reports the story about the Ringling Brothers Acrobats who, when performing their ‘Human Chandelier’ routine, where thy all hang by their hair, fell forty feet to the Arena Floor.  The I-Man notes that was something Frank Luntz couldn’t do.   We disagree.  He could’ve wrapped the strap around the wire and zip lined to safety. 

    ON SECOND THOUGHT, FRANK MIGHT FIND THE ‘HUMAN CHANDELIER’ A CHALLENGE BUT HE’D BE A NATURAL IF THEY EVER DID A TRICK CALLED ‘THE HUMAN ERASER’

    8:36:14 a.m. – Today is Joseph Abboud’s Birthday, and, as always is the case every year, all the flies on Christopher Street hang at half-mast.

    JOE CELEBRATES WITH SOME OF HIS FRIENDS…

    …AND OPENS HIS GIFTS…

    8:36:14 a.m. – Rodney Crowell graces us with two songs from his new album ‘Tar Paper Sky’:  ‘Famous Last Words of a Fool in Love’ and ‘God I’m Missing You.’   Wow.  This boy can write.  And play.  And sing.  Don’t know where Imus discovered him, but he’s really got potential.

    GO TO AMAZON, ITUNES OR YOUR LOCAL RECORD ST…GO TO ITUNES OR AMAZON AND BUY THIS RECORD…UM…DOWNLOAD THIS RECORD…ALTHOUGH IT’S NOT REALLY A RECORD.

    9:07:14 a.m. – While in Austin, Deirdre bought Imus an Elvis Refrigerator Magnet, that came with an assortment of outfits you could stick on The King… The White Jumpsuit, Gold Lame’ Suit, the ’68 Comeback Special Leather Ensemble.  She didn’t get Wyatt one, which we were somewhat surprised about, because it would be excellent training for when he’ll have to dress his father. 

    IT ALSO COMES WITH PAPER DIAPERS AND BICYCLE SHORTS

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    JIMMY KIMMEL CELEBRATES

    ‘CINCO DE MAYO’

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBPkPy7JGvM 

     

    Thursday
    May012014

    Goin' into Enemy Territory

    6:05:10 a.m. – The program does not get off to a good start…the I-Man has bitten his tongue.  Of course, that doesn’t stop the Ol’ Cranky Cancer Cowboy from his daily, 6 O’Clock Hour Rant.  We can empathize with him…we find ourselves biting our tongues a lot ourselves…especially when we’re around him.

    THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A BRUISE

    6:12:24 a.m. –  The I-Man promotes Charlie Gasparino’s upcoming appearance on the program.  Charlie did not want to give up his ‘Musical Mt. Rushmore’.  So the Boss decided to make one up for him:  Elton John, Freddie Mercury, Clay Aiken and George Michael.  We think he might have just gone with The Village People, and that would’ve covered it…(But they would’ve had to leave off the Indian, which, is a shame, especially when Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota, the Heart of Native American Territory)

    LOOKS LIKE THE MOTORCYCLE COP AND THE ARMY MAN GOT DISSED

    6:27:24 a.m –  The I-Man spills yogurt on his shirt.  It’s unusual, because normally, it’s Oatmeal that dribbles from his mouth.  He is off to Texas this morning, and is leaving from the studio,  so he won’t be able to change his clothes…therefore, he will be travelling ‘Lewinsky Style’.

    ORGANIC STRAWBERRY YOGURT.  THE ‘OTHER YEAST INFECTION’

    6:35:07 a.m. – Bret Baier is on to discuss the controversial Benghazi email, the main story this morning.  An important issue, and so the I-Man wastes no time asking for Bigfoot’s whereabouts.  We can’t blame him, people have been hunting for Bigfoot for years.  He’s been elusive, and most ‘sightings’ are apocryphal.

    “HI IMUS.  WHAT?  NO…WE HAVEN’T SEEN HIM.”

    7:08:28 a.m. – The I-Man is going to Austin and wants to know what Musical Acts will be performing in town while he’s there.  Apparently both the ‘Drive By Truckers’ and ‘Carolyn Wonderland’ will be there.  We smile at the image of the Boss ‘Clubbing’ with Deirdre and Wyatt…Mrs. Imus asking the waitress if the ‘Nachos’ are organic…and the Wy-Man asking he waitress for her number.  The best part for Imus is that the clubs won’t charge him a cover or minimum for his daughter and Grandson.

    THE FUTURE MRS. WYATT IMUS

    7:14:28 a.m. – Paul Simon stops by the Green Room and takes a snapshot with Connell.

    HE HAD QUITE A SHINER, AND SOME HEAVY BRUISING.  HE SAID HE ‘FELL DOWN THE STAIRS’  (AND PAUL LOOKED LIKE HE WAS HURT TOO)

    7:39:34 a.m. – The Mensa Meeting.  The topic of the Supreme Court’s deciding whether or not police can search the contents of your cell phone.  “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Deirdre protests…we doth think…a bit too much.  Hmmmm.  What’s on that phone?

    ALL DEIRDRE SAID WAS “SHOW ME YOUR WEINER” SHE DIDN’T MEAN THE FORMER CONGRESSMAN

    8:32:32 a.m. – Charles Gasparino is in the Green Room, in anticipation of his appearance and he looks like a guy walking up the steps to the gallows.  We resist the urge to announce ‘Dead Man Walking!’ as he enters the studio.  He makes the mistake of telling us that he really did have Boy George on his actual ‘Musical Mt. Rushmore.’   We hope he doesn’t share that piece of information while he’s out there with the I-Man. 

    CHARLES GASPARINO GETS ALL DOLLED UP FOR THE CULTURE CLUB CONVENTION

    8:36:14 a.m. – Charles Gasparino starts his interview with the observation “So what happened?  Matt Taibbi cancelled this morning?”   Oooh!  He fires the first shot right across the I-Man’s bow.  Imus counters with “I’m a senior citizen with Cancer does making fun of me and hurting my feelings make you feel good?”  Charles says “Yes it does.”  Actually, everybody in the studio and the Green Room says exactly the same thing… in unison.

    S.S. GASPARINO (R) & THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES (L) IN A BATTLE AT SEA

    9:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man speaks again about going into ‘Enemy Territory’ this afternoon.  We’re not sure if he’s talking about Austin, or just walking out of the studio.  Not that it’s all that safe in here...at least when he’s in Texas everybody can carry a gun.  So he won’t be complaining at the Starbucks when they pee in his coffee.

    THE LOGO FOR ALL THE STARBUCKS IN TEXAS

    9:05:14 a.m. – Connell reports that Mayor Rob Ford from Toronto has entered a Canadian Rehab facility after being caught in his sister’s basement smoking crack.  He has a drug problem.  He doesn’t have an alcohol problem, however…he can get that stuff easy. No problem.

    MAYOR ROB FORD:  “MMMMMMM.  THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE CRACK BETTER WOULD BE IF IT WAS COVERED IN PEANUT BUTTER. MMMMMMMM.”

    THE TOWN IS TRYING THEIR BEST TO HELP

    9:07:14 a.m. –  Connell reads a story about the NYPD warning women to beware of ‘Creeps’ in the subway taking ‘Upskirt Photos’ on their cell phones.  The I-Man asks Gunz what the allure is.    Gunz maintains that it’s a ‘Preventative Measure’ that he himself employs…so he doesn’t find himself in another ‘Crying Game Scenario’ as he frequently has.

    “IS THAT A PENIS?  OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?”

    9:12:24 a.m. –  On the phone, live from Texas, and still wiping the sleep from his eyes, is Richard, Kinky, ‘Big Dick’ Friedman, who sounds like he just rose from a 15 year coma.  To be fair, it’s only 8:12:24 in Texas.  And he probably went to bed about twenty minutes ago.  He wants to be Agricultural Secretary, and keeping the Texan Population safe from Bo Weevils is a full time job.  You got to get those suckers at night when they’re not expecting it.  He smokes them out of the crops with…Cuban Cigars.

    WHO KNEW THAT ONE MAN, ARMED WITH ONLY A ‘COHIBA ROBUSTO’, COULD SAVE SO MANY CROPS?

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    PAUL SIMON & CHEVY CHASE (THE SUBSTITUTE ART GARFUNKEL)

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0gUpzFPxk4