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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

 


Are We There Yet? By Deirdre Imus - The saying goes that with little kids you take trips, not vacations. A vacation is relaxing; a getaway involving children is usually anything but. Taking a trip therefore requires acknowledging that it’s no longer about what the adults want to do (occupy a lounge chair on a beach for three days straight, stroll through a museum, window-shop in Paris), but must include activities geared toward youngsters.  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Ranch Tacos - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys -- I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients.  Seitan is sometimes called wheat meat because it’s made from gluten, which is the protein component of wheat with the starch removed.  There are recipes for making it from scratch, which is pretty labor-intensive, but luckily you can also buy it ready-made at most health food stores.  We love these meaty and cheesy tacos.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: DImusCenter@HackensackUMC.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Argentina vs. Chile: Lionel Messi's national team misery continues. The five-time Ballon d'Or winner was one of two Argentina players to miss in the penalty shootout as Chile successfully defended its Copa America title.

Tony Stewart earns Sonoma victory in classic Tony Stewart fashion - Ornery, short-tempered and possessing zero cares on how others viewed his actions, it was vintage Tony Stewart in every facet -- and that includes how he drove on the track -- during Sunday's Sprint Cup race at Sonoma Raceway.
Pat Summitt's Family, Friends 'Preparing for the Worst' - Pat Summitt’s family, friends and former players have convened in Knoxville over concerns about the former University of Tennessee women’s basketball coach’s health.
Naval Academy Grad Hurley Wins Quicken Loans National - Before heading off to sleep on the first 54-hole lead of his PGA Tour career, Naval Academy graduate Billy Hurley III spoke of how his five years of service to his country readied him for his toils on the golf course.


Recent Guests:
    Wednesday
    Apr222015

    Dwight is Here!

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Dwight Yoakam and his band are here this morning, and Dagen has gotten all dolled up in honor of Dwight’s appearance.  The I-Man comments that she looks like a the girls standing by the Lincoln Tunnel.  Actually, she looks like a Time Traveller,  because, as she points out, there haven’t been girls at the Lincoln Tunnel in 25 years.

    DAGEN SETS THE TIME MACHINE FOR 1978

     6:08:18 a.m. –  Imus got his watch fixed so it is now to his liking.  Which begs the question:  ‘Why buy a 75,000 dollar watch that you need to change?’  We’re very impressed with his confidence in his masculinity as he is able to confidently wear Liberace’s Rolex without shame.  He has had the face replaced.  Which begs another question.  ‘When is Deirdre going to get his fixed?’  But, then again, why marry a cranky cowboy in the first place?   Because he can afford a 75,000 dollar watch.

    THE NEW WATCHFACE ON THE ROLEX.  IMUS LIKES WHEN IT’S 6:30.  THEN IT LOOKS LIKE MICKEY IS PLAYING WITH HIS PENIS

    6:17: 14 a.m. –   There is a story about a woman who fired two shots into a Drive Thru window at a McDonald’s because they didn’t put bacon on her hamburger.   Which is one of the reasons why we are nervous about the I-Man owning a Glock.  We wonder if that Rolex salesman knows how lucky he really is. 

    “DON’T SHOOT!  I ONLY PUT LETTUCE AND PICKLE AND TOMATO ON THE BUN…NO MEAT! “

    6:22:22a.m. –  Dwight sings ‘The Big Time’.  The band is smokin’.  His jeans are tight.  Dagen gets the vapors.

    DAGEN’S FANTASY:

    “HEY THERE, DARLIN’…LET OL’ PAW PAW SHOW YOU HOW TO FINGER THAT…”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Dana Perino started as a country DJ.  She says that she’s “…a little in awe that Dwight’s warming up for me.”    Um…you think Dwight Yoakam is OPENING for you?     How do we put this gently…you’re a F$#@ING moron.  Not to put too fine a point on it.   Dwight Yoakam is Country Music Royalty, and Dana Perino’s claim to fame is being the 27th White House Press Secretary under George W. Bush.  And is the one who took the ‘Shoe’ for him.  We used to think that the guy who threw it had lousy aim.  Now we realize she was the one at whom he was throwing it.

    “DUCK, MR. PRESIDENT!

    “UM…DANA…I THINK HE’S AIMING FOR YOU.”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Dwight sits down on set with us, and is stupefied at the I-Man’s mercurial mood swings.   He’s especially bemused by how little it takes for the Boss to lose it.  Completely.  He thinks somebody should “Go get Paw Paw his pills…otherwise he’s gonna ruin yer whole day!”

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DUDE? WHAT IS YOU’RE EFFIN’ PROBLEM?

    7:15:30 a.m. –     The I-Man interrupts Connell during his news cast, leaving Connell to ask the Boss if he had the hiccups.  To which, the  I-Man answers in the affirmative. “You might want to think about holding your breath”, Connell suggests.   We agree.  Hold it until your face turns…black.

    …JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES…

    7:40:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE   or, as we like to call it, ‘The Reason Why We Think Being Gay Just Might Be A Choice After All.’    The segment begins with ‘Bill or Hillary, Who’s the Bigger Douche?’ then moves on to the legal fight between Sophia Vergara and her ex-boyfriend over the ownership of her embryos…we really didn’t hear all of what was going on…because we were in the garage with the door closed and the car idling and the motor was too loud. 

    THIS GUY FINALLY HAD ENOUGH.  UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS AN  ELECTRIC CAR

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus wonders why Dwight’s Band sounds so good.  It’s an age-old secret….they’re actually…good.

     WHO KNEW MARCO RUBIO WAS SO F%$#ING AMAZING ON THE GUITAR?

    8:16:32 a.m. –  From this point forward, we get three more songs from Dwight and the boys, and, backstage, he gives us a little background on just how prevalent and ubiquitous he has been throughout musical history.  He’s TRULY, ‘Been there, done that.’

     BACK WHEN HE WAS LUDWIG VAN YOAKAM   

    WRITING ‘CELLOS, HARPSICORDS AND RENAISSANCE MUSIC’

    DWIGHT AND THE ‘FREEDOM THREE’.   NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT HE WROTE ‘YANKEE DOODLE’  (WHICH PAUL McCARTNEY NOW OWNS)

      DWIGHT’S CIVIL WAR GROUP  ‘D.Y. AND THE BLUE BELLIES’

    PLAYING DOUBLE BASS FOR THE KING CARTER JAZZING ORCHESTRA…

    …AND TRUMPET SOLOIST FOR ED FULLERS FAMOUS JAZZ BAND

    FILLING IN FOR JOHN ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW

    AND DURING HIS ZIGGY STARDUST PERIOD

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    HE’S NOT JUST AN AMAZING SONGWRITER,

    MUSICIAN & ACTOR

    THE BOY’S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY, TOO

     

    click this link

    and

    “Bring Paw Paw his pills…”

    Tuesday
    Apr212015

    Tales From the I-Man

    6:06:06 a.m. –    The Boss begins the morning with an ‘Imponderable’:  “Bill O’Reilly is on the shore of the beach.  Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannitty are in the ocean…drowning.  He has a lifesaver but he can only rescue one.  Who does he choose?     Neither.  He drops the Lifesaver in the sand and walks back up to the Beach Bar and has a Pina Colada.”   We, given the same choice would probably opt for Megyn Kelly.  Because she’d come out of the water all wet and glistening and…excuse us.  We’ll be right back.

    TURNS OUT OUR PHOTO OF MEGYN IS ALSO A LITTLE WET…WE SPILLED COFFEE ON IT.  YEAH, THAT’S IT…WE SPILLED ‘COFFEE’ ON IT.

     6:08:18 a.m. –  Dagen reports that Bluebell Ice Cream, headquartered in the I-Man’s hometown…(well, not his HOME town, but his newly adopted SECONDHOMEtown) is recalling ALL its products…due to a contamination of Listeria.  It can cause Sepsis and Meningitis and Encephelatis, which means that Ben & Jerry will now put their new flavors, “Bacteria  Hysteria”, and “Ebola Chip” on hold for now.   chlamidia

    YOU SHOULD GET VACCINATED BEFORE YOU EAT THEM

    6:12:22a.m. – Yesterday, Imus really SPOKE to H.B. Barnum of the legendary ‘Wrecking Crew’, studio musicians.  Back in the day, The I-Man hung around with them at Goldstar and was actually present when the Righteous Brothers recorded  ‘You Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’’ He asked Mr. Barnum if he remembered him.  He started laughing…apparently, not only does he know the Legendary I-Man, he says he’s a ‘Big Fan’.  But that’s not the only thing making him laugh.  Apparently, he has pictures of Imus actually IN the studio.  We hope he’s not peeing in them.

    THE I-MAN, SITTING IN ON UKELELE, WITH CAROL KAYE ON BASS AND THE WRECKING CREW STRINGS RECORDING  ‘C. PERCY MERCY OF SCOTLAND YARD’ BY THE MARATHONS

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Jim Haworth, the President of the Professional Bull Riders Association…an Organization that was just bought by IMG/Morris for…well, he wouldn’t say, but rumors indicate that it’s in the 9 figure range.   He said the appeal is the ‘Man vs. Beast’…not unlike this program.  He hopes this merger will help to promote the sport and the participants…even the Bulls have their own Facebook Pages.  Bushwhacker, the PBR Bull, has 31 THOUSAND ‘Likes’ on his page.  As opposed to the ‘Don Imus’ Community, which has…185.   Not thousand.  Just 185.  Guess you’re better off BEING a bull, than talking it.

    THERE WILL BE SOME VERY SIGNIFICANT CHANGES WHEN WILLIAM MORRIS OFFICIALLY TAKES OVER THE PBR

     

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man laments that rodeo should be much bigger in America…it’s a great sport…it’s American…and much better than those ‘Terrorist’ Sports…like Tennis.

    “INFIDEL!   I AM BEATING YOU IN STRAIGHT SETS AS ALLAH IS MY WITNESS!”

    7:12:24 a.m. –     Dagen reports that Kraft is no longer going to use the Food Dyes they currently use in their ‘Macaroni & Cheese’.   Instead, they will opt for natural colors from spices like Paprika and Tumeric.  The Nuclear Orange will be no more.  But at least we’ll still be able to get that Glow in the Dark dust on our fingers when we eat Cheese Doodles.

    LAMA TEMPA DINYA, SITTING ON THE ‘HOLY DUSTY LOGS’ DEMONSTRATING HOW CHEESE DOODLES AND KRAFT MACARONI N’ CHEESE  ARE  THE FAVORITE FOODS OF FOUR OUT OF FIVE BUDDHIST MONKS

    7:22:28 a.m. –     Imus goes to spots with a song by The Marathons called  ‘Peanut Butter’  which H.B. Barnum wrote, parodying the Olympics’ Hully Gully.  So, in addition to H.B. knowing who the I-Man is, he also has the fact that he was the 1960’s version of Weird Al going for him.

    H. B. BARNUM: THE GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER OF R & B

    7:37:18 a.m. –  PSYCHOS I   Featuring Nat Candido, Deirdre Imus, Dagen McDowell, and, filling in for Bo Dietl, CARLEY SHIMKUS!!!     Nat is positively OUTRAGED by being cut off at the Discount Beer Line at Citifield, which offers 5 dollar brews until 6:30…and they stopped selling them as soon as he got to the counter…which was at 6:29.

    APPARENTLY, NAT HAD BEEN SUCKING DOWN BREWSKIS SINCE 6:30 a.m.

    7:39:47 a.m. –  Carley is next, and has that timeworn women’s complaint:  “Men are Pigs!”   She says that the I-Man needs a dropcloth for when he eats his breakfast; he has two garbage cans on either side of him and yet his empty coffee cups never seem to find them; nor do the snotty tissues…and when he eats his ‘Protein Box’…and sucks the Peanut Butter out of the plastic packet, (Which is a sight just slightly more disgusting than him dribbling oatmeal on his chin) the Peanut Butter gets smeared on the desk as if he’s trying to win an award for Finger Painting.

    CARLEY?  WE PRAY THAT’S ACTUALLY JUST PEANUT BUTTER

    7:40:08 a.m. –   Deirdre is disgusted with the I-Man’s incessant attempts to pit people against one another, his Bill O’Reilly / Megyn Kelly / Sean Hannity query being her case in point.  We get the feeling that if her husband and Kim Jong Un were drowning, and she was on shore and could only rescue either / or?   She would invoke the ‘Mama T’ story.  “I’ll start with this one.”   But it would take so long for her to decide WHICH one, so they’d BOTH drown.

    “HEY KIM!  HANG ON! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!  BY THE WAY,  ONE QUESTION: HOW LONG CAN YOU TREAD WATER?”

    7:42:56 a.m. –  Dagen is, apparently, not a fan of  ‘Ass Creases’…not ‘Plumbers’ Cracks’, but the two horizontal folds right where the buttocks folds under the thigh, plainly seen when a woman is wearing a pair of ‘Too High Jogging Shorts’. 

     

    EPIC FAIL.

    8:05:10 a.m. –  We get more of the history of the I-Man…and discover that he not only had a band in High School, he had one in The Marines, where he was…the singer.  A blues singer / aspiring Rock n’ Roller.  Uhhhh huh.   Wow.   He wrote songs and when he got to L.A. he was told that they were just…’Okay’…which is Imus for ‘Awful’ when it’s about something HE did.

    NO.   JUST…NO.

    8:17:32 a.m. –  Connell reports that former Egyptian President Muhammed Morsi has been jailed…for terrorism.    “Bend over and pick up the Falafel”, the I-Man decrees.  So THAT’S what they call it over there.

    “HEY!  WAIT A MINUTE!  THERE’S NO FALAFEL HERE!”

    8:18:36 a.m. –   Warner reports that Cincinnati Reds’ manager, Bryan Price, broke Tommy Lasorda’s foul language tirade record, dropping 77 ‘F-Bombs’ in a five minute press conference.  He plays a clip of the profanity laden outburst, which has so many beeps in it, it sounds like R2-D2 having an epileptic fit.  

    “SOMEBODY PUT A SPOON IN THAT ROBOT’S MOUTH!!!”

    8:35:00 a.m  –  Author James Bradley is on…an impressive man and I-Fave,  to discuss his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE, which, initially, we think are hunger driven visions of Egg Rolls and Lo Mein, but, actually, it’s about our disastrous history of foreign policy with China and the false hopes of Americans who think the ‘A-Hole’ China will disappear, and a new, kinder, gentler China will take its’ place.   Of course, a half hour later, the A-Hole China will return.  Which you’d already know if you read your fortune cookie.

    9:05:12 a.m. –  Imus has major decisions to make today.  It seems that the face on his 75 THOUSAND DOLLAR Diamond and Platinum Rolex Watch is no longer pleasing to the ‘I-Eye’.  He will have it replaced with one of his own choosing, one that is more ‘blue’ than ‘white’.  We wonder what he will do with the original face, and find out that he plans to donate it to a small third world country that will now be able to afford that irrigation system they so desperately need.  

    OH YEAH.  THE BLUE FACE WILL MAKE IT LOOK MUCH MORE MANLY.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    This Isn’t the Original by the Marathons, but…

    THIS is the version on Senator Lindsey Graham’s iPod

     

    (Although it does appear that it’s more of a song about…SAUSAGE.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFoRH-VtFO4 

    Monday
    Apr202015

    Special "420" Edition

     

    6:05:10 a.m. –    Well, it’s 420.  Which is the unofficial holiday known as ‘Weed Day’, so named because…um…it’s…hehehehehehehehe…what?  Stop looking at me, man.  Why are you looking at me?  Hehehehehhehe.  Shhh.  Do you hear somebody coming?   Hey.  DORITOS!  Right?  RIGHT?   What?   Oh.   Hehehehehehe.

    “DUDE.  HASH BROWNS ON  THE SANDWICH, DUDE!  FOR REALS! THAT’S WHY THEY SHOULD MARILIZE LEGAL JUANA.”

    6:06:18 a.m. – Bigfoot is not here. We hope he’s okay.  And not caught in some bear trap…we mean ‘bad traffic’…they sound alike.  Hey.  Bear Trap.  Bad Traffic.  Wow.  That’s deep.  What day is it?  You gonna finish that egg sammidge?  Wow.  Duuuude.  I am so…baked right now!

    ‘THESE ARE FRESH.  HIS CAR MUST’VE BROKEN DOWN.  HE’S HEADED TO FOX ON FOOT.  ALERT SECURITY, WE DON’T WANT HIM GETTING SHOT TRYING TO ENTER THE BUILDING.’

    6:12:22a.m. –  The Boss gives us another piece of history that looms large in his legend.  Sometime around 1960 he was entered in a Talent Contest at a club in the heart of…WATTS, ostensibly, the only White Guy within a 20 mile radius.  What was his talent?   Being ‘The Bravest Man in the World.’  He also sang a song he wrote called ‘Gunfight at the Sunset Strip’.   We think the judges believed he was a comic…or somebody challenged besides being the only White guy within a 20 Mile radius.

    “HEY! SHUT UP!  I’M SINGING HERE!  ARE YOU FOLKS EVEN LISTENING?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Juan Williams and the I-Man discuss National Politics including Lindsey Graham suggesting on Fox that there is a 91% chance of him running for president.   A statement that immediately led the Boss to ask “Do you think Lindsey Graham wears women’s underwear?”   Juan didn’t take the bait, however.  We suspect because HE is wearing women’s underwear.  We know the I-Man is. 

    WHY, BEAUREGARD!  I DO DECLARE, YOU’VE CAUGHT ME IN MY UNMENTIONABLES!  PRISSY!  GO FETCH ME MY SHAWL!”

    6:42:28 a.m. –  Imus asks Juan for some advice as to what he should do about the upcoming Bill O’Reilly interview, and if he should play Bill the sound bite of Megyn Kelly maintaining she would be a better interviewer of Hillary Clinton than he would be.  Juan is all for it, just because he wants to see some ‘White on White’ crime for a change.

    “MICRO?  YOU KNOW WHAT’S REALLY MICRO?  THAT THING YOUR HUSBAND HAS IN HIS PANTS!”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Academy of Country Music Awards were last night, which Imus mistook for the Country Music  Awards, in other words, he thought it was the CMAs when it was actually the ACMs…because he’s ADD.   And he has COPD.  But he likes NWA.  He’s always been a Dr. Dre. Fan.  That is, until he found out that  Dre couldn’t  write scrip.

    NO VICODIN, BUT MEDICINAL CANNIBIS…YO, YOU GOTS TO HIT DAT $#*t !

    7:15:30 a.m. –  The City Council of New York votes to De-Criminalize Public Urination, which comes as a great relief to the I-Man…as he will no longer have to post bail when he gets a UTI and can’t make it to the restroom. 

    PENTHOUSE, ASTOR PLACE, NYC, CIRCA 1979

    7:17:41 a.m. –     Warner begins to throw Bigfoot under the bus for not having the video clip ready of Cleveland Cavaliers Superstar Point Guard, Kyrie Irving.  Bigfoot responds that “We were in the middle of cueing up the video of your induction into the Washington D.C. Sports Hall of Fame.”   Warner responds… that had he known that, he wouldn’t have even brought up Kyrie Irving.

    “DUDE!  LOOK AT WARNER!  HE IS TOTALLY  %#@KED UP!  DID YOU GIVE HIM SOME OF THAT A-DUB TICKLE KUSH OF YOURS?  I THINK HE BOGARTED THE WHOLE JOINT,!  WARNER!  YOU OKAY, DUDE?”

    “…HOT DOGEE…I WANT A HOT DOGEEE.”

    7:18:36  a.m. –  Connell’s wife, Phyllis, was at the Islanders Playoff game yesterday.  She became such a fan of the Islanders, that she vowed to never attend another Mets game, again.  Ever.  Just like  the Wilpons will be… by midseason.

    CONNELL POSES IN FRONT OF A POSTER OF HIS WIFE, PHYLLIS, WHO WENT MISSING, ONLY TO BE FOUND LATER THAT DAY, AT AN ISLANDERS’ GAME

    7:40:18 a.m. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  with Tony Powell, Nat Candido, Lou Rufino, Warner Wolf and Gunz Gunzelman, because…you need to have at least one woman on the panel.  The Gentlemen…(and Lady) discuss that nobody is talking about Rangers Hockey, despite the fact that they have a great chance to win the Stanley Cup Championship this year.   Although Gunz, like Connell’s wife, is another female hockey fan.

    GUNZ ACTUALLY PLAYED GOALIE FOR HER COLLEGE HOCKEY TEAM

    8:16:32 a.m. – Warner has played the video clip of Mets Catcher, Travis D’Arnaud, (n. pron. “Dar-No’ “)  getting his hand fractured when hit by a pitch.  Each time, he has said Travis’ name differently.  “Dee-Arno, De-naud, Denied, It’s Delightful, It’s Delicious It’s DeLovely.”  Cole Porter! 1936 Gold, here on your Heartbreak Radio Station!  Warner played it when it was a hit.  And introduced it as a ‘Cold Porter Song’.

    FROM WARNER’S EXTENSIVE RECORD COLLECTION

    D’ARNAUD’S REPLACEMENT, KEVIN PLEWECKI.  WE WILL HAVE TO HAVE A DEFIBRILLATOR HANDY WHEN WARNER ATTEMPTS TO PRONOUNCE HIS NAME.

    8:35:00 a.m  –    Bill O’Reilly is on to promote his ‘Legends and Lies’ program, of which he is executive producer, profiling some great Old West Icons…like the Lone Ranger, who, according to Bill, was not only based upon a real person…but that person happened to be black.  Bass Reeves, was his name and he lived amongst Native Americans.  Which makes us wonder if ‘Kemosabe’ was known back then as ‘The K Word.’

    THE’HOLMES RANGER’

    HIS SIDEKICK…TERRELL.  (HE WAS A BLACKFOOT INDIAN)

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WARNER BRIEFLY INTERVIEWS ANDRE’ THE GIANT

    CLEARLY DEMONSTRATING WHY HE DESERVES TO BE IN THE WASHINGTON D.C. SPORTS HALL OF FAME

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIPKF0JVEaI

    (AND WHY ANDRE’ MUST’VE THOUGHT HE WON SOMETHING AND WARNER WAS SOME KIND OF TROPHY)

    Friday
    Apr172015

    May the Force Be With You

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Lou Rufino is back.  Glory Hallelujah, Praise God!  The family has been reunited, much to the I-Man’s delight.  He is so happy about this, that he pauses for a special shout out to Crash for his performance taking over for Mr. Rufino.  He praises Crash’s enthusiasm, passion, and energy in his solid effort to pick up the baton…only to give it back to Lou this morning.

    LOU IS REALLY NOT A REDHEAD.  IT’S JUST HIS SECRET IDENTITY

    6:08:18 a.m. –  Tommy, the Malaysian Doorman at Imus’ Building, to whom we introduced you to yesterday in this very blog, was on duty this morning as the I-Man left for work.  “Where’s the plane, Tommy?”    And…Tommy told him.  Unfortunately, he told him in…Malay.   But the Boss says he’s going to put it through his Translator App this weekend and tell us where the plane is Monday.  If you want to know now, we will translate it for you:  Terpulang pantat anda , anda bajingan dalam keadaan sihat.   “It’s closer than you think.”

     “Lain kali anda mempunyai temujanji dengan Doktor Katz , mempunyai dia mengambil ia keluar!”

    “I AM SURE YOU ARE SURPRISED.” 

    6:17:34  a.m. –  The I-Man got a text from his friend, Bill White, and White’s husband, Brian, inviting the Boss to “Come down to Coachella”.   Yeah, that’s what you want.  To stand next to Grampa Funk during the Raekwon and Ghostface Killah set on the outdoor main stage.

    “YO YO YO…HOLD UP…HOLD UP…WHO’S THE OLD DUDE IN THE COWBOY HAT?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Joe Plumeri is on.   Who is Joe Plumeri?  Someone who, the aforementioned Bill White recommended the Boss have on to promote his new book, The Power of Being Yourself.   We were hoping that he would actually come in as somebody OTHER than himself, as among his 5 favorite songs were The Star Spangled Banner, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, Pennies from Heaven.  Turns out, the guy is an inspiration.  Cut from the same cloth as Jerry Weintraub, Mr. Plumeri is a man who ‘Gets Things Done’.   Without fear or hesitation…demonstrating that  all you really have to do…is ask.  He was able to convince those in charge of the Sears Tower to…change the name of the building.   The I-Man once had similar power.  He was able to get the MSNBC facility in Secaucus, New Jersey, renamed to ‘Fuzzy Peaches Plaza’.   In other words…named after Wolfman Jack. 

    “HI, I-MAN.  I’M JOE PLUMERI.  WILL YOU GIVE ME 250,000 DOLLARS?  NO?  OKAY.  COULDN’T HURT TO ASK”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man weighs in again with his disdain for  ‘Coachella’, stating that his friends Bill and Brian have about as much business being at ‘Coachella’ as…Warner does.   Not fair, I-Man.  You know Warner is a HUGE Bell & Sebastian Fan.

    ROCK OUT WITH YOUR @OCK OUT, WARNER!

    7:40:18 a.m. – HOLLYWOOD & VINE featuring Deirdre Imus, Michael Reidel and Dagen McDowell, but NO Imogen Lloyd Webber, sadly, because…she was doing…EVERYTHING else she could.  So, thankfully, for her, she missed the Fan Boy STAR WARS Paroxysms of Unrestrained Joy. over the new Trailer for the movie, which features…hang on to your Light Sabers, boys and girls… a cameo from HAN SOLO!   Played by, it appears, Harrison Ford’s Grandfather, while Chewbacca, by the way sported GREY HAIR on his muzzle.   Reidel IS a fan of Star Wars, or at least he WAS when he was a Little Reidel, and had all the Star Wars Action Figures.  But he’s sick of Sequels.  Dagen, however, reacted to the trailer unveiling as if she was a 38 year old guy living above his grandmother’s garage eating pudding and playing Dungeons and Dragons on his ‘Lap Top’…which isn’t exactly on his Lap, because…well, never mind. She says that she LOVED Star Wars when she was a kid, and, in fact, wanted to be Luke Skywalker.

    REIDEL ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PRINCESS LEIA

     REIDEL WITH ROBBA THE HUT

    DAGEN ALWAYS WANTED TO BE LUKE SKYWALKER

     ...AND NAT GREW UP TO BECOME CHEWBACCA

    “GLRLRLRLRLRRRRRRRRR, BRO!”

    7:42:09 a.m. -  Dagen praises Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram photo, showing her pale, bruised, cellulite and stretch marked legs…Teigen’s that is.  Not Dagen’s.  

    WHICH LEGS ARE TEIGIN’S AND WHICH ARE McDOWELL’S?   HERE’S A HINT:  DON’T LET THE SOUTHERN ICED TEA AND THE CUTE LITTLE DOG FOOL YOU

    7:44:16 a.m. - Deirdre reports that Sarah Silverman lied about an example of gender discriminate pay scales for male comedians versus female comedians…Sarah claims the male comic on the bill made 60 dollars, while she was only paid 10 dollars.  We know how this works.   It has nothing to do with gender discrimination.   Comics are paid based on how funny they are.  And women…are usually not all that funny.  If the booker had seen Sarah’s Act prior to her appearance at the club, she would’ve been paid…at LEAST 30 dollars! 

    IF SHE HADN’T LIED…SHE WOULD’VE MADE THAT 30 BUCKS…AND THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED…

    8:05:10 a.m. – Returning from the bathroom, the I-Man reports that there’s “Water all over the bathroom floor.”   Nat asks, “Was it there before…or after you went in?”   Fair question.  But we can attest that Imus would NEVER pee on the floor of a bathroom.  He’d just pee in a corner here in the studio.  No,that’s not true either…Imus always sits when he pees.

    NAT!   IT’S COLD IN HERE!

    8:09:18a.m. – The I-Man was, surprisingly, talking about Rodeo this morning, (We know, you’re just as shocked as we are)  and apparently, the PBR has been sold to William Morris and International Management Group for 100 Million dollars, which…is no bull.  (See what we did there?)  He says he doesn’t understand why rodeo isn’t more popular in this country, although admits that a lot has to do with those ‘PETA Pussies’ complaining about animal cruelty.  He used to tell the little Knotheads at the Ranch, who would ask if the roping hurt the calves, that “No, that doesn’t hurt them. What DOES hurt them?  When you stick them in pens so they can’t move their entire lives, and feed them plastic and then you kill them and eat them.  They’re just earning their keep.”  He continues: “ I tell them, (Imus apparently speaks fluent ‘COW’, as he believes he can talk to animals…which is a pretty rare talent, as the only other people who can do that are currently living in Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital.)   I tell them that here’s no free lunch so you have to do this every once in awhile and, in return, I’ll feed you and take care of you and give you shade to lie under.   Now, when you’re out of the chute, run like hell, and when you see the rope, try to duck.”   We assume he believes that there’s no free lunch for the cowboys either.     We weren’t really paying attention, because we thought he said “Peter Pussies”, which would be an entirely DIFFERENT story.

    ‘CRUELTY FREE’ BEEF FACTORIES BRING THE MEAT TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE IN A CHAUFFEUR DRIVEN BMW

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Warner reports that the Arizona Diamondbacks beat the San Francisco Giants 7-6.  Except he says ‘D-Backs’…but we hear ‘D-Bags’ (Maybe we need some ear monitors like the I-Man…) Then again, some Diamondbacks have been known to be Douchebags…like Randy Johnson for example.  In fact, known as ‘The Big Unit’ to fans, but in the Locker room, his teammates referred to him as ‘The Big Douche’.

     JOHNSON.  HE DIDN’T EVEN NEED THE MULLET OR THAT PORNSTAR MOUSTACHE WITH THE SOUL PATCH TO QUALIFY.  BUT IT DIDN’T HURT.

    8:40:00 a.m  –  I-Fave, Laura Ingraham is on, to discuss a wide range of subjects including ‘Gender Norming’, which sounds like when a sexually ambiguous person walks into ‘Cheers’ and they all shout  “NORM!”  But actually, means ‘The practice of judging female military applicants or recruits, or female employees or job applicants in the civilian workforce, by less stringent standards than their male counterparts.  Which would account for how Laura got HER job.  Just kidding.  She got HER job, because she knifed the guy who did her interview.  And then took HIS job. 

    “S’MATTER?  CAN TAKE A LITTLE STAB WOUND?  PUSSY.  YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS JOB!”

    9:12:12 a.m. – Connell reads a story about a cocaine bust that resulted in the seizure of FOURTEEN TONS OF COKE, with a street value of 424 million bucks!    (Wow!  The Price has gone up!  We remember when coke was only TWO million dollars a ton. )  Imus says that 30 years ago it would’ve been going to his penthouse at One Astor Place.

    IMUS’ WEEKEND SUPPLY LEAVING COLUMBIA FOR NYC (CIRCA 1979)

    9:15:30 a.m. – Imus ends the program as he began it this morning, with gratitude and appreciation for the fact that Lou is back in the radio studio.  He asks how long it’s been since he’s taken a sick day, and Lou replies “8 Years.”   Of course, The I-Man once went ELEVEN years and didn’t miss a day.  Sure.  You snort that much cocaine and you could stay up for 11 years too.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RGohIKxc9M

    MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

    Thursday
    Apr162015

    The Donald

    6:02:05 a.m. –    LOU IS MISSING!  Actually, not really, he’s just phoned in sick.  For the first time…anybody can remember.  Certainly since we’ve been at ABC, which nearly 8 years.  And we don’t think he took off a sick day when we were back at WFAN either.  He is the ‘Iron Horse’, the Lou Gehrig  of radio engineers.  Cal Ripkin-like.   The only time he was missing from his position behind the board, was the hour he was stuck in the elevator at 2 Penn Plaza.  And even THEN he phoned in.   This is the kind of dedication the I-Man inspires in his staff.  In the 28 years Rob has been with the Boss, he’s only been out about a year and a half.   Percentage-Wise.  If he were a baseball player, he’d be in the Hall of Fame, for batting a .946…that is, if he wasn’t fat.  Although, Babe Ruth wasn’t exactly Mr. Olympia.

    ‘THE BABE’?  ‘THE BOOB’?  HE IS A ‘D’ CUP…

    6:08:18 a.m. –   We learn that WARNER WAS RIGHT!  What?   Give us a second while we re-read that sentence…um…yup!  That’s what it says.  You must mean his political orientation.  No?   You mean RIGHT as in CORRECT?   How?   Well, The Wolf-Man predicted that Aaron Hernandez would be convicted.   At least now he’s not banned from picking guarantees on 1st Degree Murder cases.  But, when you get to think about it…it wasn’t that much of a stretch.  The I-Man, on the other hand, predicted Hernandez would walk.   Well, he will, actually, just into a prison.   And not ever walk out.   Still, Imus is bummed.   He says he had Aaron on his NFL Fantasy Team.

    THE I-MAN HAS TO TAKE HIM OFF THE TEAM

    6:17:34  a.m. –  Crash is filling in for Lou.  Crash is a rather rotund gentleman, with glasses and a porn star mustache, wearing a vintage Mets Jersey.  (More on that later)   He hasn’t yet earned the I-Man’s confidence.  So Imus tries to get to know Crash a little better.   We also learn that Crash actually has a collection  of about FIFTY Baseball Jerseys.  This leads the I-Man to ask Crash if he’s married.  (A fair question asked of a man who has a collection of 50 ANYTHING), because he gives the impression that he lives in his Mom’s basement.  Turns out Crash IS indeed married.  “Do you have kids?”   he asks.  “Yes.”   “What are they?”   Well, kids are the younger versions of people, until they grow to be 18 years old, when Society….Oh.  You mean what sexes?   “A Girl 8 and a Boy 6.”    Wow.  So there are FOUR people living in his Mom’s basement.

    “HEY YOU KIDS!  BE QUIET, NANA’S TRYING TO TAKE A NAP UPSTAIRS!”

    6:26:14 a.m. –  Nat Candido and Crash, the two biggest Mets Fans on the program, Butt heads as to who is the ‘REAL’ Fan.   Nat’s been to Two out of the Three games the Mets have played at home so far, while Crash has seen a total of…NONE.  However, he will partake in FOUR games this weekend.  “I couldn’t understand you because of the Meatloaf flying out of your mouth.”   “I wouldn’t do fat jokes if I were you” warns the I-Man.  Dagen from Downtown…WAY Downtown.  “At least Crash has proof he’s actually been inside a woman.  Twice.”

    “I WAS INSIDE A WOMAN, BRO.”. ONCE.   AND THEN I WAS BORN.

    6:40:28 a.m. –  Hannah Storm is on to promote the ESPN movie she directed ‘Shaq and Dale’ which chronicles the relationship between Shaquille O’Neal and his LSU Coach, Dale Brown.  It airs this evening at 8 PM on ESPN, and the I-Man thinks it sounds FASCINATING.  So you might want to check it out, because he actually paid attention to what Hannah was saying.   And, by the way, Shout Out To Gunz:  It’s ‘Shaq and Dale’.   NOT ‘ Chip and Dale’, as you think it is.

    DALE BROWN TEACHES SHAQ HOW TO WORK ON HIS LOWER BODY

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man asks Warner Wolf if HE’S going to watch the Hannah Storm Movie.  Warner admits that, he will NOT.  “So DON’T watch it then, you old fart!”   Um…that’s what he said.  He’s NOT watching it.   So you’re being redundant.  You old fart.  He’s NOT watching it.  You old fart.

    ONLY WARNER COULD CALL THE I-MAN YOUNG

    7:15:30 a.m. –     Imus complains that he saw Liz McDonald in the Make Up room this morning before the program, and….she didn’t look all that happy to see him.  You should be used to that by NOW, Boss, shouldn’t you?   It’s been like that for almost 40 years.  Who has EVER been happy to see you?    Remember now, that Ms. McDonald saw the I-Man in the Makeup Room BEFORE the program.  And he looked like he does when he first rises from his crypt.

    “HEY LIZ…IS THAT A BAG OVER YOUR HEAD OR

    ARE YOU JUST NOT HAPPY TO SEE ME?”

    7:22:44 a.m. –  Connell reports that they are STILL looking for that missing Malaysian Airplane that went down a year ago.  The Boss says that ‘Tommy’ his doorman at Imus World Headquarters, knows where it is.  The only problem?  “‘Tommy’ doesn’t speak English all that well, at least well enough to tell me.   But when he does, I’ll tell you.”  When he finally can speak English well enough to tell you something, we think he may have something else he will want to say first.  We won’t tell you what it is, because we wouldn’t want to spoil it for Tommy.  But in Malay, it’s Makan tahi, anda kentut lama’.   (It’s REAL Malay, by the way…use Google translate if you really want to know what it means)

    ‘TOMMY’  HE KNOWS A LOT…HE JUST CAN’T TELL YOU

    7:40:18 a.m. – PSYCHOS 2  or, as we like to call it, “Hand me the Tranquilizer Gun and another dart”  which, believe it or not, is even MORE contentious than ever.  Starts off with Imus being pissed off about the ‘Kars for Kids’ commercial.  It’s the most spot you’ve ever heard, with a jingle that’s like an Ear TAPE worm, for a charity that seems somewhat…suspicious.  “Why would you give a car to a kid?”  the Boss is fond of saying. 

    WHY COULDN’T BUDDY HOLLY, RICHIE VALENS AND THE BIG BOPPER GIVE THEIR SEATS ON THE PLANE TO THESE ANNOYING LITTLE BASTARDS?

    7:41:28 a.m. – Bo weighs in on tax day, yesterday, and how Al Sharpton owes about 6 MILLION dollars in taxes.  Bo says he pays HIS taxes, and wants to know why Al Sharpton is allowed to get away with not paying, just because he’s Friends with Obama.  Rev. Sharpton may very well be a ‘F.O.O.’, but Bo is a ‘Foo-Fighter’.

    NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT BO WAS IN THE ORIGINAL LINEUP.  HE PLAYED THE ACCORDION

    7:42:11 a.m. – Alan Colmes says that ‘ODS’, ‘Obama Derangement Syndrome’ is going to morph into ‘HDS’…’  ‘Hilary Derangement Syndrome’, to which, Deirdre responds by calling Alan an ‘Ass Puppet’.

    KERMIT WAS RIGHT, ALAN.  IT’S NOT EASY BEIN’ GREEN

    7:43:21 a.m. – Bernard goes on a rant about the words used by these kids today.  Like ‘Awesome’ and ‘Hilarious’.  Wyatt texts his father, claiming that Bernard is ripping off Louis CK…word for word.  We’re not sure that’s true…although if by ripping off, you’re referring to Louis CK ripping off George Carlin, who some have accused as ripping off Lenny Bruce…who, by the way stole his ‘To Come’ routine from Milton Berle…and God knows who HE stole it from, because he stole from EVERYBODY.

    THE WORD IS, UNCLE MILTY USED TO USE THE WORD ‘C@#K’ SO MUCH, BECAUSE HE HAD THE BIGGEST ONE IN HOLLYWOOD

    7:45:09 a.m. – What’s on Deirdre’s mind?   Abortion.  Yeah, there’s a subject with a lot of ‘Yuks’ in it.   She’s AGAINST it, obviously.   There are some who are strongly for it.   Our take is that, in some cases, it should be ‘Retroactive’.   (And we have a list)

    THESE THREE.  DEFINITELY ON ‘THE LIST’

    7:46:56 a.m. – Gunz, thankfully, brings us back to a ‘Dumbed Down’ Topic, (And, by the way, HE’S one of the ones on ‘The List’)  and says he ‘Hates Sequels’.  Movie Sequels, to be specific.  Like ‘Paul Blart, Mall Cop 2’, ‘Taken  2 and 3’.  Any of the Wayan’s Brothers ‘Scary Movies’ past the first one.  ( Actually, we’d put the first one in the same category as all the others…and therefore, that’s why the Wayans Brothers are ALSO on ‘The List’, along with The Farrelly Brothers who should’ve stopped after ‘Something About Mary’ )  That’s a great point Gunz… good thing after ‘Star Wars’, they didn’t make ‘The Empire Strikes Back’…oh, wait a minute, that’s right…they did.  Well, we are certainly grateful that they didn’t make more than that one Batman movie with Christian Bayle…oh,  yeah.  And at least they didn’t make ‘The Godfather Part 2’.  A sequel to the Academy Award Winning ‘The Godfather’, which ALSO won an Oscar.   Hey Gunz!  You’re lucky we’re against Late Term Abortion, because you’re in your 37th Trimester.

    INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, AFTER HE WAS BORN, HIS PARENTS DECIDED AGAINST MAKING A ‘SEQUEL’

    8:05:10 a.m. –  Connell reports that Kim Jong Un’s wife has been seen for the first time in months.  The I-Man makes the observation about Dictators… “Whatever you do in life, be ALL IN.”   If you’re going to be a porn loving, three stooges haircut having, murdering despot, BE a Porn Loving, Three Stooges Haircut Having, Murdering Despot.   Like Kim Jong Un.  

    SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT MURDEROUS DESPOTS…THEY ARE CUTE WHEN THEY’RE LITTLE

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Imus finally sees video of Mrs. Un in a clip, and poses the question:  “Could you imagine that little bastard on top of you , squirming around?”   Um…no.  Because we don’t watch ASIAN MIDGET porn.

    “I LIKE TO WEAR WOMAN BRA…MAKE ME FEEL ‘PRETTY’…HEY WIFE!  YOU LIKE MAKE FRISKY?  I GIVE YOU MY LITTLE ‘DICK’-TATOR”

    8:40:00 a.m  – ‘The Donald’ Trump  is on the phone, and  ‘The Donald’ Imus asks  the colorful billionaire, if it’s true that he’s never smoked, nor imbibed alcohol or coffee.  Trump confirms this as truth, which surprises us, because we were sure he drank.  Considering the hairdo.  Seriously.  You’re a billionaire and you can’t get something that doesn’t look like a Guinea Pig died on your head?

    R.I.P. LORD SAMSON (IN HAPPIER TIMES)

    8:42 :12 a.m. –  Mr. Trump says that he has definitely, maybe, actually,  decisively, vaguely, unequivocally, indefinitely,  indecisively that he will run for President.   So will he ‘Throw his hat in the ring’?   We hope not.   He should absolutely keep it on his head.

    LIKE JOE COCKER SANG… “YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON.”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

    WE  KNOW YOU WANT IT

    SO HERE IT IS…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8UV7SAhvG4