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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

The Growing Pediatric Health Gap: Environmental Injustice Threatens Our Future - As we continue our mission of protecting children’s health, integrative pediatrician Dr. Rosen and I write about the changes in children's health over the last decade, and what we can do about it. We can each change one thing, and we hope this article in  EXPLORE: The Journal of Science and Healing  will inspire you to find one positive change to make for our kids' health.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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We mourn the loss of Eileen Jurist Prince (Eileen, Back Row Center) inspiration for The Tomorrow's Children Fund and daughter of our dear friend the extraordinary David Jurist.

  
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Patriots Dominate Texans - Patriots dominate in all 3 phases; defeat Texans with a 27-0 final score

Team USA Falls To Czechs - Team USA falls to Czechs, finishes winless in World Cup Hockey embarrassment

Mets Beat The Phillies - Cabrera 11th-inning homer leads Mets over Phillies 9-8

Phil Mickelson Drained a 94-Foot Putt at the Tour Championship

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Jul072015

    Rest in Peace, Jerry Weintraub

    6:03:12 A.M. – The Coolest Guy in the Room, Jerry Weintraub, passed away yesterday.  We’re all sad, because he was one of our favorite people.  A great guest, with hilarious stories of his life as a producer, promoter and manager.  Wherever you are Jerry, we hope you’re ‘Firing Ferguson’.

    JERRY WEINTRAUB

    1937-2015

    6:08:56 A.M. – Warner has been battling a cough since his return from Europe a month ago, and his Doctor has told him that, whenever he flies, he should wear a mask.  Warner says that he will be.  However, we’re not so sure Warner understands that the doctor means a Surgical Mask.   

    UM…WARNER?  NOT THAT KIND OF MASK

    6:15:44 A.M. – Connell reports on new evidence, from a formerly sealed court document, in which, Bill Cosby admits giving Quaaludes to a woman.  We assume he used Quaaludes because ‘Roofies’ weren’t invented yet.  If he knew then what we know now…

    “YA SEE…YOU GOT…TO PUT…THE QUAALUDES…IN THE…CAPPUCCINO…IF YOU WANT TO GET…IN THE PUDDIN’.”

    6:40:27 A.M. Lt. Colonel Bill Cowan is on to discuss ISIS.  He, like most of us, wonders why this country has taken it upon itself to deal with that terrorism, when the countries they’re terrorizing do nothing.  It’s like you’re holding Thanksgiving Dinner, and the rest of the countries are like your deadbeat brother in law who doesn’t bring anything, eats everything, and then falls asleep on your couch.

    “HEY…DUDE.  YOU’RE OUT OF CHIPS…”

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man and Warner discuss Serena Williams and both agree that she just may be the greatest female tennis player of all time.  All…time.  Warner points out that she needs to win two more Grand Slam Titles to tie Steffi Graf, and FOUR to tie Margaret Court…which leads Imus to observe that “When Margaret Court played, she was jackin’ it up against all those old bags at the country club.”

    “15 LOVE, MARGARET.  GOOD SHOW!”

    7:15:44 A.M. –  Connell relates the story about Cosby, and how there was money given to women, through their William Morris Agents, ostensibly, in return for their silence.  “What else would the money be for?”  Wonders the I-Man.  “…to send them to college?”  That would be one option…the other would be to send them to rehab to get that Quaalude monkey off their backs.

    QUAALUDES.  THEY’RE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE

    7:18:36 A.M. –  Warner reports that the New York Giants may rescind their contract offer to their star defensive end, Jason Pierre-Paul, who blew his hand up with fireworks this past Fourth of July.  Imus correctly observes, “He won’t be called for holding.” 

    NOTE TO SELF, JASON: GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO LIGHT IT

    7:35:06 A.M. PSYCHOS! – Bo is on the warpath with the President for not taking on ISIS more aggressively and giving the troops what they need to fight them.  He says “We only got TWO Cruise Missiles left…maybe three.”   We’re pretty sure there’s more than two or three left…at the very least, they should be coming in by Fed Ex later this morning.  Gunz is upset with people who illegally leak sealed documents, such as the Cosby Papers, and when it was revealed that Pete Rose was gambling while he was playing.  Really, Gunz?  That’s all you have to be angry about?  We’d think you’d be more concerned about not getting any P***y for the past 5 years.  Deirdre is disgusted with the lack of ‘Customer Service’, especially Outlaw Conversions, and the way they treat their clients.  She couldn’t get a boss on the phone…she was forced to talk to some dude in Mumbai called ‘Steve’. 

    “OH MY GOLLY GOSH, MRS. AMOS…I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE NOT HAVING A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE WITH OUR OUTLAW CONVERSIONS…”

    7:45:16 A.M. – And Bernard questions the Greeks Work Ethic, and why this big, fat, Souvlaki Eaters won’t pay their debt.  We think it might be because nobody buys those cakes you see in the revolving case at Diners.

    BE HONEST.  YOU’VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE EVEN ORDER A SLICE…LET ALONE EAT IT

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man is upset that some of you bastards have STILL not purchased a ‘MyPillow’, after years of humping the product.  We were all skeptical at first, because, as The Boss recalls, when meeting Michael Lindell, the MyPillow Creator, a former crack addict, it’s easy to think that he was…crazy.    “The boy was Jumpy”, he observes.  Maybe HE’S not getting much sleep.  That Crack will keep you up all night.

    “ONE DAY, I’M GOING TO INVENT THE ULTIMATE PILLOW.  BECAUSE…I HAVEN’T SLEPT SINCE CHRISTMAS”

    8:16:11 A.M. – Deirdre has brought the I-Man his breakfast.  An Egg (Organic) and Cheese (Soy) Sandwich, (On sprouted cardboard) along with some little vegetable sausage.  “These little wieners look just like yours, Gunz.”   He’s right about that.  Gunz is packing NO meat whatsoever.

    GUNZ.  NOT EVEN QUITE THIS BIG

    8:39:43 A.M. – Author Brad Thor is on to promote his latest book, Code of Conduct, Brad is a multi-million bestselling author of Thrillers that are considered ‘Faction’…which is fiction that’s…maybe a little more true than you’d like to think.   He spends his free time talking to the CIA, and was once part of an Anti-Terrorist ‘Think Tank’ along with Action Director Michael Bay, to come up with possible scenarios that could be carried out by terrorists, in an effort to stay a step ahead.  One of the situations he came up with…actually came true.  When he asked if he could brag about this ‘achievement’…they told him… ‘Um…no.’   He reveals that his protagonist, Scot Harvath, is his alter-ego…and that he doesn’t have sex.  We assume in the book.  We’d hate to think that Brad’s wife was holding out on him.

     

    BRAD THOR, BESTSELLING AUTHOR…AND GOD OF THUNDER

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    NOBODY had better stories than Jerry Weintraub.

    Here are two of them.

     The Elvis Check

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epwwGp2AA8k

     

    The George Clooney Prank

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4lYWuQME4c

    Monday
    Jul062015

    It Was Like a Godzilla Deal

    6:03:12 A.M. –  As of this morning, we are broadcasting from the ‘Nuvo Fat Loss’ Studios, which, at first, we think is a new sponsor replacing the NJ Diet people, but, it is, in fact, the same people.  Still guaranteeing you can lose between 20 and 45 pounds or more in 40 days or your money back.  “…and Rob still won’t do it.”  Comments the I-Man.  All Fat Roads lead to Rob.

    HE HAS FINGERS JUST LIKE LITTLE VIENNA SAUSAGES

    6:08:56 A.M. –  In celebrating the U.S. Womens’ Soccer Team win against Japan, the I-Man says that the team from the land of the rising sun “Didn’t know what hit ‘em…it was like a Godzilla deal.”   We’re not sure if that was the case, but we do know the Japanese Womens’ Team was shamed…and so will probably committing Seppuku, the ritual suicide by disembowelment. 

    IF THE GAME ENDED IN A TIE, SHE’D JUST HAVE TO SCRATCH HERSELF REALLY HARD 

    6:20:44 A.M. – Warner, in discussing the Coke Zero 400 race this past holiday weekend, reports Ricky Stenhouse Jr. finished in 19th Place, while his girlfriend, Danica Patrick, came in 35th.  “He always finishes on top of her.” Warner says.  Yes, and, if he’s a gentleman, he won’t finish first. 

    “IT’S OKAY, RICKY HONEY…IT HAPPENS TO LOTS OF GUYS…”

    6:40:27 A.M. Juan Williams has phoned in, and says he’s a big fan of Fireworks, and the I-Man tells him he needs to update his Five Favorite Songs.  Juan is surprised to learn that one of them, the I-Man actually ‘broke’ on the air:  ‘You Can Call Me Al’.   We’re not surprised.  Imus has broken a lot of records.  Starting with ‘Greensleeves’. 

    “S#*^…I PLAYED THAT WHEN IT WAS A HIT.”

    7:08:37 A.M.  The I-Man can’t wait for The Bernie Briefing for Bernard to report the story about Michael Eisner…who, apparently, was onstage at some seminar, standing right next to Goldie Hawn, ruminating about how it’s hard to find ‘Funny Attractive Female Comedians.’   Goldie responded by saying that conversely, ‘There’s no shortage of Fat CEO Assholes.’   At least, that’s what we’re fantasizing.

    “SORRY MINNIE.  BUT YOU’RE FUNNY.”

    7:22:44 A.M. –  After reporting on the Pope, Connell reveals that he was an altar boy.  Now it all seems very clear…

    “UM…WHOSE HAND IS THAT?  IS THAT YOU, FATHER FLANAGAN?”

    7:37:16 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS   The I-Man queries the panel as to who watched the soccer game last night.  Nat says he didn’t.  “Who Cares?”  is his position on the World Cup.  Who cares?  The I-Man…who watched ALL 90 MINUTES!  PLUS the three minutes of ‘Injury Time’.  He was ‘All In’ on the ladies, while Candido was watching his loser Mets, winning for the second time in six games.  Hmmmmm.  Weighing the options…a Once in a Lifetime Sports Moment…or watch a baseball team play one of 162 games? 

    EVEN HE WATCHED THE SOCCER GAME

    7:39:22 A.M. – The ‘Who’s The Bigger Douche’ winner is Giants Defensive End Jason Pierre-Paul who, while celebrating the Fourth of July holiday, nearly blew his hand off with some fireworks, before he signed his 14 Million Dollar Contract.   Even Billy Joe Shaver is wagging a finger at him.  One on the left hand, that is.

    “I SWEAR, THAT ROMAN CANDLE WAS ABOUT…YAY BIG.”

    8:12:34 A.M. – The I-Man was up late last night, as he had to bail one of his cowboys out of jail for fighting, and remarks that “It’s like a Western Movie here at the Ranch.”   If it was a Western Movie, we wonder who would play Imus. 

    “NA NA NA NA NA!”

    8:25:11 A.M. – Bernie reports that Hillary Clinton was approached at a New Hampshire Diner by a reporter who asked what she thought about Donald Trump’s remarks about Mexicans.  Her reply?   “I’m gonna sit down and have some pie.”   “How about sitting down and having a salad?”  The I-Man asks.  That’s not in the cards, I-Man.  Those Pantsuits aren’t going to fill themselves.

    “PIE?   DID SOMEBODY SAY ‘PIE’?”

    8:39:43 A.M. –  Fred Dicker, the New York Post New York Political Columnist, weighs in on Captured Escapee David Sweat, who has been moved to ‘Five Points Maximum Security Prison’.  The I-Man wonders what kind of punishment Sweat will get, as he’s already serving a Life Sentence.  Fred answers that they can take away privileges.  Um…this is prison.  Isn’t taking away privileges part of the deal?  Maybe they’ll put a poster of a naked Joyce Mitchell in solitary with him to look at 23 hours a day.

    WE WON’T POST THE WHOLE PICTURE.  YOU’RE WELCOME.

    8:45:09 A.M. – Fred also talks about the feud between New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo, who are divided by ideological differences.  Such as whether or not to step out of the shower to pee.

     

    “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A GREAT WESTERN MOVIE STAR

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7koigiUq7GE

    Thursday
    Jul022015

    Kind of Wacky!?!

    6:03:12 A.M. – We look forward to this morning’s program, as, in today’s edition of ‘Psychos’, Curtis Sliwa will be on the panel; an actual, certifiable, Psycho.  This is a guy who dove out a cab window after the guy inside shot him.  We don’t care what you say, that raises the bar of Psycho-Ness exponentially.

    CURTIS…GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF THE PROGRAM, DONNING AN ‘I-MAN’ STYLE COWBOY HAT…OVER HIS SIGNATURE BERET

    6:08:56 A.M. – To everyone’s surprise and dismay, the I-Man was granted permission to quarantine Lucinda at home, rather than at the Vets, thereby depriving us of the ‘Waco Style Siege’ we were sure was inevitable.   Imus vs. The State of Texas.  Who did you THINK was going to win that one?

    REMEMBER THE ALAMO?  REMEMBER THE WILLOWS.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Connell is back after his sojourn to Montreal to take his family to the Women’s World Cup of Soccer, as he is, no doubt, the Father of the Year.  However, he took the time off to grow, what he’s calling, a ‘beard’.  It looks more like he was rooting for truffles and hadn’t washed his face just yet.   He gives off the air of a pubescent lad who uses his mother’s eyebrow pencil to highlight the few, wispy, angel hair whiskers that appeared the moment his voice began to drop. 

    CONNELL MCSHANE: MANLY MAN

    6:40:27 A.M. Father Jonathan Morris is on, and informs the I-Man that he’s clad in a pair of jeans and T-Shirt.  The Boss wants to know if the Padre acts any differently when he’s not in ‘uniform’.  Father Jon responds of course not.  The Good Father is on to discuss an incident that happened to him at the Gay Pride Parade the other day when he was spat upon by a pair of revelers.  He wants everyone to know he was not IN the parade, nor was he WATCHING the parade, he was just trying to cross Broadway on the way to another destination…and happened to run into the parade.  Between this information and the fact that he felt it necessary to tell the I-Man what he is wearing, makes us…just a little uncomfortable.

    CARRYING AN UMBRELLA IN CASE ANYBODY ELSE TRIES TO SPIT ON HIM

    7:05:10 A.M. –  Gunz reveals that he doesn’t like Curtis Sliwa.  We don’t know why, because, as far as we’re concerned, a guy who will dive out of the cab after a guy inside it shot him, is a damn fine American in our eyes. 

    CARRYING AROUND A TARGET AFTER YOU’VE BEEN SHOT FIVE TIMES?  THAT’S THE NEW DEFINITION OF ‘BALLS’

    7:15:37 A.M.  Connell reports that there has been a recall of French Made Breast Enhancements.  We’re not sure what they’re leaking…but we assume it’s wine.

    CE SONT LA’ QUELQUES SEINS CRU   

    7:38:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  with the debut of Curtis Sliwa, who, if we didn’t know any better, would assume was Bo Dietl.  He has the same demeanor, political position and vocabulary as America’s P.I.  Just like Bo’s eBOnics, Curtis speaks in Sliwa-ese…which is a combination of English, Brooklyn, and ‘Waddayoulookinat’?

    THE CURTIS SLIWA KITCHENWARE SET

    7:39:18 A.M. – Gunz is up first, complaining about the tourists rushing for trains on their way to their Holiday Weekends.  With everything going on the world, Global Warming, ISIS Crisis, hunger, pestilence, poverty…he picks crowded subways as his bone of contention this week.  Deirdre attacks him, calling him one of the ‘Overprivileged’ Millenials, who don’t have a perspective.   We wait for her to tell him to “Get (his) own private jet”, as she once advised Lis Wiehl to do.  But, sadly, she doesn’t.  We are actually thankful for that fact.  The idea of Gunz on a Private Jet is about as disturbing an image as it gets.

    OH, HELL NO.

    7:40:08 A.M. – The Guardian Angel is exorcised about the notion of ‘Futbol’…(Soccer to the ‘Real World’).  He maintains…it’s KICKball.  NOT Smashmouth Balls to the Wall, Deep Penetration, American FOOTBALL.  He’s acting like a man who has actually played some football himself…without a f%$king helmet.

    OH, HE WEARS A HELMET NOW

    7:41:08 A.M. – Bernard is incensed by the sluggishness of Congress to pass key elements of the 2010 Zadroga 911 Bill, which is due to expire, and some of these elected pantloads still want to debate the viability of the extension, despite the fact that more First Responders have died from the after-effects of 911 than people who perished in the attacks on the World Trade Center.  We hereby nominate Bernard to run for Congress…Senate, even.  Or how about…President.  Why not?  He’s got as much of a chance as Trump.  And makes a helluva lot more sense.

    BM IN 2016

    7:42:04 A.M. –  Alan Colmes is upset that some members of the GOP are ignoring the Supreme Court ruling on Gay Marriage.  We’re not sure why it bothers him so much, he just so happens to be a married man…to a lovely woman, who just so happens to be Monica Crowley’s sister.  So it’s not like he has any ‘Skin’ in the game. So to speak.

    MAYBE ALAN HAS A VESTED INTEREST AFTER ALL

    7:44:26 A.M. –  Deirdre is…well…just plain Psycho…not to put too fine a point on it, but the girl gone Bat Dookie Crazy.  She’s strafing the room…like Tony Montana in Scarface…taking out Gunz, Colmes and anybody who gets in her way.  Except, of course Bernard and Curtis.  Because they know enough to keep their heads down get the hell out of her crosshairs.

    OF COURSE, SHE USES ORGANIC HOLLOW POINT BULLETS

    8:05:34 A.M. –  We learn that the I-Man went all ‘High Tech’ yesterday, and was able to listen to the 9:00 hour of the program, through his ‘I Heart Radio’ app on his computer AND his phone.  Which was bad news for Warner, who did a couple of his patented ‘Name That Tune’ cuts during his sports report…something that usually incites the I-Man Ire.  However, this time, he says he actually laughed at them.   He warns Warner to not overdo this practice…which means that, he most certainly will.  He’ll be like Funkmaster Flex, on America’s Top Forty…except he’ll be playing The Ink Spots.

    DJ ‘GRANDMASTER WOLF’

    8:16:32 A.M. – Connell reports a “Kind of Wacky”  story, in which a former CNN correspondent and her husband were robbed at gunpoint at a Motel 6, and the husband, naked, fresh out of the shower, returned fire and killed the perpetrator.  “Kind of wacky?”  The I-Man asks incredulously, shocked by our Newsman’s choice of words, intimating that Connell isn’t exactly ‘Walter Cronkite’ in his reporting. We agree with the ‘Wacky’ designation, however.  We’re wondering how, naked, and fresh from the shower…where the husband had put the gun.   Also…was he ‘erect’ during the firefight?  Just asking.  Inquiring Minds want to know.

    YEAH, WE’D SAY THAT’S PRETTY ‘WACKY’

    8:21:42A.M. – The I-Man suggests that the British Soccer player who, in trying to clear the ball, kicked it into her own goal, handing Japan the win, was… ‘In the tank’.  He seems to think that she will be driving around in a Mitsubishi, flashing some serious Yen.   We think it’s somewhat of a cynical stance… until we hear a rumor that she’s dating a Sumo Wrestler.

    LAURA BASSETT, BATHED WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT BY TEAMMATES AFTER SCORING A GOAL FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM.  BUT YOU KNOW AS SOON AS THEY HIT THE LOCKER ROOM, THEY BEAT HER ABOUT THE HEAD WITH THEIR CLEATS

    8:45:09 A.M. – Geraldo Rivera is on to discuss his friend Donald Trump, taking exception to those pesky  ‘Mexican Rapist’ statements that are still dogging the Billionaire Candidate.  Geraldo maintains that Trump has tarnished his Brand, and likens him to the guy at the bar who has had one too many and then asks ‘What are you lookin’ at?’   Well, in Trump’s case…that would be pretty obvious.  ‘What the hell is that on your head, Motherf$%er?’

     THE COUPLE IN HAPPIER TIMES.  GERALDO IS OKAY IN DONALD’S BOOK…BECAUSE HE’S PUERTO RICAN, NOT MEXICAN.  AND PART JEWISH…SO…Y’KNOW, HE’S GOT THAT GOING FOR HIM.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Somehow, it does not seem possible, and yet, tomorrow, the ‘Wy-Man’, Wyatt Imus, turns 17 years of age.  We literally remember when he was born…and have watched him grow from a precocious, hysterically funny young child, into a handsome, hysterically funny, young man.   In honor of his Natal Anniversary, we present the following clip of one of his idols, (Next to George Carlin and his Dad),

    The Greatest of All Time.

     Muhammad Ali

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs8Ls6Dx1F0

    Wednesday
    Jul012015

    Blonde on Red

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We learn that today, Lis Wiehl will not be in for our favorite segment of the week, Blonde on Blonde, or, as we like call it, “Where the White Women at?”   Lis, apparently, fell, and broke her hip, as ‘Women of A Certain Age’ are wont to do.  We wish her all the best for a speedy recovery, and hope that she’s back among the fold before too long.  

    LIS WIEHL: SPOKESWOMAN FOR THE ‘LIFE ALERT’ SYSTEM

    6:04:08 A.M. –  We are actually worried about Deirdre.  Without Lis as the Crash Test Dummy, she will have to rant without a target…wait a minute.  She’s not alone in the studio out there in Texas.  We are now worried for the I-Man.

    DEIRDRE GETTING HER POINT ACROSS

    6:08:56 A.M. – The I-Man gives us an update on Lucinda, Wyatt’s beloved Red Heeler, who cheated death, thanks to the Wy-Man and Deirdre.  We are happy to report that the girl’s going to be fine…although, Lucinda, in her agony and distress, involuntarily bit one of the Vet Techs, which led to the State of Texas to Quarantine her for 10 days.  The Boss, with advice from Neighbor/Attorney John Beckworth, Associate Dean of the Law School at the University of Texas, has decided to Quarantine Lucinda at home, refusing to bring her back to the Vets, as, like many dogs, she is a ‘Veterinarian-A-Phobe’.  He invited the doctors to visit the Ranch to check on the dog, but if they think they’re going to take her back to quarantine her at their facility, they’re going to have a Branch Davidian situation on their hands.  The I-Man is filling up the sand bags and building a moat around the ranch as we speak.   Even Lucinda, herself, is preparing for a siege:

    “YOU WANT MY GUN?  YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD PAWS” 

    6:40:27 A.M. K.T. McFarland is the guest, former National Security Adviser, and a woman for whom the I-Man always stands whenever she enters a room.  And not, as is tradition, to run away.  She says she misses the I-Man as he is one of the only ‘True Gentlemen’ she knows.  Obviously, she needs to get out more.

    “GENTLEMAN” JOHN DONALD IMUS

    7:05:37 A.M.  Despite the absence of the Wiehl, Lis, that is, Blonde on Blonde will go on as normal, however, Deirdre will be ‘Laying the Smackdown’ on the fruit of her loins, Wyatt Imus, so it will technically be ‘Blonde on Red’.  Or, as we are calling it, ‘The Texas Cage Match’. 

    DON’T LET THE NECK BRACE FOOL YOU.  ANDY KAUFMAN TRIED TO GET AWAY WITH THAT SH*T TOO

    7:15:34 A.M. –  The I-Man makes the observation that, the two people he’s related to, and currently living with…are insane.  Oh.  Yeah.  Right.  THEY’RE the ones who are insane.  We think mental health is in the eye of the beholder. And majority rules. It’s two against one.  Both Deirdre and the Wy-Man know the dilly.  It’s the old cowboy who’s batsh*t crazy. 

    IRONICALLY, HE HAS 20 OF THESE JACKETS, ALL THE SAME, CUSTOM MADE BY LOUIS RICART

    7:30:06 A.M. BLONDE ON RED covers a plethora of topics, among which, who should be on the 10 Dollar Bill. Deirdre is advocating for Michelle Obama; Wyatt, on the other hand, favors Eleanor Roosevelt. Of course, as you would imagine, bringing up Eleanor leads naturally to Kim Kardashian, and if she deserved the ‘Slut Shaming’ she received at the Glastonbury Festival, where, during her husband Kanye’s set, an enormous flag with a still from her sex tape was waved.  Young Wyatt believes that Kim should be prepared for these eventualities, as this video is out there, and has been for years, and won’t be going away.  Although he maintains that he hasn’t seen it.  Which would make him the ONE person in the ‘Under 85’ category who hasn’t.  

    “YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT VIDEO?”

    “UM.NOPE.”

    7:45:16 A.M. – In order to protest what they view as sexist views as to what defines femininity, some women have opted not to shave their armpits.  I-Man asks both panelists what their views are and they both agree that Personal Landscaping is a must, and that it is akin to brushing your teeth, and that venturing out in public with a French Braid under each arm is…well, disgusting.

    THE MOVEMENT, SPEARHEADED BY MILEY CYRUS, IS ALSO IN FAVOR OF NOT WAXING FACIAL HAIR

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man comes back with some critiques for his son, who, we thought, did a fine job, but then again, if we knew what we were talking about, we’d…not be…as stupid as we are.   Um…yes.  The Boss thought Wyatt wasn’t projecting into the microphone enough.  We heard him perfectly clear.  Especially when he said, “I don’t have to listen to you…you’re not my real Dad.”

    ANOTHER SON DEALING WITH SOME PATERNAL ISSUES

    8:15:11 A.M. – Bernie reports that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are calling it quits.  What appeared to be the ‘Storybook Marriage’ of the past 10 years was actually rife with tension and resentment.  Apparently, Ben is a bit of a gambler, and a rogue, as its rumored he’s had dalliances with other women.  We don’t blame Jennifer for wanting to split from this loser.  In fact, we thought she should’ve done it years ago…like after he made ‘Gigli’.

    ONE OF THE OPTIONS ON THE ‘GIGLI’ DVD ALLOWS YOU TO PUT YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR MISERY BEFORE YOU EVEN START THE MOVIE

    8:39:43 A.M. – Ashley Webster is calling us, live, from Greece.  Although it would be difficult for him to call in ‘Dead’, but we digress.  Ashley is there to discuss the Greek Financial Crisis…which, according to his expert opinion, is what they refer to in the Economic World as…bad.  Apparently, Greece will be going back to the ‘Drachma’, the original currency, and eschewing the Euro…Ashley has gotten into the spirit of the Ancient City of Athens, and is eschewing pants…in favor of a toga.

    IN A REAL DEMOCRACY, WE COULD VOTE AGAINST THIS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IT’S ONLY FUNNY UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU

    BUT IF IT DOESN’T…IT’S HYSTERICAL

     

    Paris Hilton is the victim of an Egyptian Prank Show

    (Oh, those wacky Arabs!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePaBi0egvM0

    It’s almost as funny as her sex tape.

    Tuesday
    Jun302015

    That Fat, Ungrateful, Phony Moose!

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We begin with a moment of reflection on the firing of two of our favorite people, Donald Trump and Bob Beckel. Trump, by NBC for his disparaging remarks about Mexicans.  Beckel for, we assume, eating Mexicans.

    BECKEL ENJOYING SOME AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD

    6:08:56 A.M. – Warner reports on Pro Golfer Phil Mickelson’s reputation as a degenerate gambler.  The I-Man can’t imagine that Mrs. Mickelson is all that happy knowing that her unlucky hubby had to pay 3 Million dollars to a bookie…not to mention the fact that “He’s fat and he got those big ol’ Titties on him.”  

    MUST BE CHILLY OUT THERE ON THE COURSE

    6:35:44 A.M. –  Former head of the Sex Crimes Unit in the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, is on to promote her new book, Devil’s Bridge, as well as comment on the escaped prisoners.  She maintains that she was glad that these two psychopaths didn’t kill anybody, and that they weren’t able to get to Mexico.  Which would give the Mexican Donald Trump something to say in response.

    “THE AMERICANS ARE A BUNCH OF CONVICTS AND MURDERERS.”

    6:40:27 A.M. It’s fitting that a Sex Crimes Prosecutor is on to discuss these convicts who, both of whom knocked boots with Joyce Mitchell…an act which many would consider ‘criminal’ in, and of, itself.

    SOME THINGS SHOULD BE KEPT BEHIND BARS

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man gives his ‘endorsement’ of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s entering the Presidential Race.  “Fat, ungrateful, phony moose…F#@& ‘em!”    Where else will you get that insightful political analysis?

    “SO…DOES THAT MEAN, I CAN’T BE ON THE SHOW AGAIN?”

    7:22:44 A.M. – Time to ring the ‘Irony Bell’.  The Boss chastises Deirdre for coughing.  You can hear the ‘Side Eye’…as well as the cyanide going into his coffee, from here. 

    AT LEAST IT SAYS IT RIGHT ON THE MUG

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS, starring Deirdre Imus, Gunz Gunzelman, Bernard McGuirk and…wait, where’s Bo?   Bo Dietl, Bo Dietl, where you be?  Gunz is upset with a plan to double the number of ‘Citibikes’ the rental bicycles sponsored by Citibank, that have been the bane of city drivers since their institution.   He says there’s nothing worse than Fat Tourists sitting on a bike.  Yes there is, Gunz.  How about a skinny jeans wearing dweeb using his curling iron in the studio?  Who is only upset with Citibikes because they don’t have training wheels.

    GUNZ ON HIS ‘GIRL’S BIKE’ WITH E.T. ‘THE EXTRA TESTICLE’

    7:38:55 A.M. – Bo comes rushing in, out of breath, having run through the 17th floor to get to the studio.  Bo doesn’t apologize for his ‘Tardiness-itation’, which results in some understandable ugliness…and ultimately leads to his exiting the studio.  This prompts Deirdre to change her ‘Psychos’ topic to “People who go on someone’s show, arrive late, cop an attitude…then drop the mike…and leave.”   She is EXORCISED.   And not the way the I-Man tried to get Father Jonathan to do.  She’s apoplectic with anger, which makes us actually worried for the I-Man.  However, he doesn’t seem to be all that affected by her rant…as, for a change, it’s not about him.

    DID THAT HEAD JUST SPIN AROUND?  WE JUST HOPE SHE DOESN’T THROW UP ORGANIC PEA SOUP

    7:43:16 A.M. – Bernard is upset with the backlash at the clergy in the wake of the Supreme Court decision about Same Sex Marriage.  He relates that our own Father Jonathan, the spiritual adviser to the Imus in the Morning Program, and who was not in favor of gay marriage for religious reasons was actually been spit on by two protestors at the Pride Parade.  Why father Jonathan was AT the Pride Parade, we’re not sure.  We think, perhaps to hear some confessions?  

    IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY, HAD HE BEEN UP ON ONE OF THE FLOATS…

    8:12:34 A.M. –  Bernie reports that Geraldo Rivera is disappointed in his ‘friend’, Donald Trump’s insensitive comments about Mexicans.  That’s the second time Hispanics have been disrespected by Trump.  The first time was when Trump hired Leeza Gibbons instead of Geraldo on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’. 

    RUMBLE TONIGHT!  TRUMP V. GERALDO

    (IT’S A JETS AND SHARKS THING)

    8:40:43 A.M. –  Author Samantha Bruce-Benjamin is on to promote her novel ‘The Westhampton Leisure Hour and Supper Club’.   We all wonder how she was able to wrangle an appearance on the program, as the I-Man rarely reads fiction.  Besides, just the title would be enough for him to be disdainful of both the book, AND the author. Then, we learn that Ms. Benjamin is the wife of the Imus Dentist…Dr. Arthur Benjamin.  And we assume that a deal was struck.  The lovely Samantha got an appearance on the program, in exchange for the I-Man never having to worry about not getting Novocain next time he gets some dental work done. 

    “UM…I-MAN…YOU’VE GOT MY SCROTUM IN YOUR HAND.”

    “THAT’S RIGHT.  AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO HURT EACH OTHER, ARE WE?”

    8:54:09 A.M. – The Boss talks about the Ranch Hand that he fired…well, actually, allowed to resign, and reveals that nobody liked him, nor had he ever worked with someone so ‘Fundamentally Dishonest.’  Well…how about that ‘Doctor’ in the hotel room who required the cash payment up front, and whose credentials were…there was a stethoscope on the bed…?

    WHICH DOCTOR?  WITCH DOCTOR

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Late, Great, Leslie Nielsen, as the Little Exorcist That Could:

    “Repossessed”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbpmRl018RY