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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Psychos, Monday and Thursday at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 


Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe - As a children's health advocate dedicated to raising awareness of and protecting children from the numerous toxins in this world, I cannot strongly enough recommend the film “Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe.”  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

Carrot Cake - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Rich in vitamin A, beta-carotene, and phytochemicals, carrots are a nutrition powerhouse that help boost the immune system and fight off infection. Baked in this moist, dense cake, of course, they are also naturally sweet and delicious. Since this cake is dense, a small slice will satisfy, but it will also stay moist and fresh for several days if covered airtight and stored at room temperature.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please let us know by emailing us at Dimus@hackensackumc.org or contact us here, we would love to hear your story.

 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Warriors Defeat Thunder - The Warriors still trail 3-2 in the series, but a 120-111 win against the Thunder on Thursday will extend their incredible season, keeping afloat the idea that they still could come back and overcome Oklahoma City despite trailing by two games.

Penguins beat Lightning, advance to Stanley Cup Final - Penguins blitzed the Tampa Bay Lightning 2-1 to win Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Final and earn their first trip to the Stanley Cup Final since 2009.

Art Briles's stunning ascent ends in sudden disgrace following damning report - Baylor University demoted president Kenneth Starr and fired its popular football coach Art Briles following revelations Thursday that the sports program responded to sexual assault accusations against its players with alarming indifference or outright hostility toward alleged victims.

Martin Truex Jr. wins pole for Charlotte's NASCAR race -  Martin Truex Jr. put himself in good position for another strong showing at the Coca-Cola 600, a race he thought he should have won last year.

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Mar242015

    The I-Man Decides He's Sick

    6:06:12 a.m. –    We learn that Warner is going to be on PSYCHOS  this morning.  Which is a shock to all of us.  Not because he’s on the panel, but…that it took this long.  Ol’ ‘Pop Fly’ is certifiable.

    “LET ME GO!  THE TEAM NEEDS ME!  I HAVE TO HIT THE WALK OFF HOME RUN AND WIN THE PENNANT FOR BROOKLYN!”

    6:09:18 a.m. – Dagen reports that the NFL is going to broadcast an ‘Internet Only’ game this season.  Warner follows up and says it will be the Bills vs. the Jaguars, which, on the surface, doesn’t appear to be that exciting a game, but Imus offers that Buffalo is supposed to be good this year.  Warner counters: “They have no Quarterback.”   The boss is confused.  Warner means that they don’t have an ACCEPTABLE Quarterback.  Not that there will be an empty space behind the center.  Although, that WOULD make for a very exciting game, as every snap would be a fumble.

    THE WAY WARNER SEES THE BILLS

    6:40:44 a.m. –   Mike Baker is on, and we suspect that the C.I.A. has reinstated their L.S.D. program…because he says he admires Ted Cruz’s personal stance…that he thinks he’s got conviction and stands behind it.  We’ll excuse you while you kiss the sky, Mike.  After the interview, he comes back and tells us he thinks that “I-Man’s face is melting.”   But that’s not the L.S.D. talking.  It actually does look like it’s melting.   Because he doesn’t feel well.

    “NO, NUMBNUTS…I’M NOT RIDING A UNICORN. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON?”

    7:05:12 a.m. –  The I-Man is not happy with his hair this morning.  Theresa comes in to do a ‘Pit Stop’, brush and spray in hand…but it’s clear it’s tantamount to having ashtrays on the Hindenburg. 

    WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S COMPLAINING ABOUT.  WE THINK HIS HAIR LOOKS ‘BOSS’

    7:11:22 a.m. – The Boss relates that Bigfoot called him yesterday after the show, all hysterical wanting to know what ‘Big Announcement’ the I-Man was going to make.   The problem is, Imus doesn’t remember what the ‘Big Announcement’ was.   Maybe HE’S going to campaign for president?  Or he just ‘Made Potty Like a Big Boy.’?

    NOW THERE’S ONE LESS THING FOR DEIRDRE TO DO. OOPS!  WE’RE SORRY.    ONE FEWER  THING FOR DEIRDRE TO DO.

    7:18:19 a.m. –  The I-Man decides he is sick.  He’s been stuffed up all morning and feels like crap, but has just NOW come to the realization that he is ill.  Which makes us wonder what he feels like when he ISN’T sick, if it took him this long to come to this conclusion.  

    MAYBE HE’S JUST  ‘BACK ON THE BLOW’.   (THAT JOKE NEVER GETS OLD)

    7:40:19 a.m. – PSYCHOS, this week, featuring a ‘FIRED UP’ Warner Wolf, who, apparently, is NOT a fan of President Obama.  He blames the President for the failure of America’s foreign policy, destroying our relationship with Israel and this season of ‘House of Cards’ sucking.  Dagen is apoplectic over drivers who don’t give pedestrians the right of way , Nat is fed up with Social Media and millennials with no lives who feel compelled to post photos on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram of what they had for breakfast, and Deirdre goes positively BALLISTIC over the human race being ‘Plastic Pigs’…8 million tons of the man-made substance being dumped in our oceans every year.   We did some research, and as of 2014, an estimated 5 TRILLION plastic particle, weighing nearly 267 tons are floating around the earth’s wates.   However, we are stunned by her outburst, as this is so unlike Deirdre, who is usually reserved and measured when it comes to topics about which she is passionate, such as the Environment.  Which reminds us of Godzilla, every time he visits Tokyo.

    OH, NO…THERE GOES THE INDIAN OCEAN…

    7:43:44 a.m. –  We discovered that Imus is a ‘Squirrel Murderer’.  Apparently, the Boss was driving, and, according to Deirdre, eating crackers, and so, did not see the squirrel in front of the Escalade, and, of course, in such a scenario, the Squirrel loses.  Somewhere out there, there’s a Squirrel family that has lost it’s ‘Nut-Winner’, just because some old cranky cowboy had to stuff his face with a Triscuit.  Chip, the Squirrel’s son, then swears an oath to avenge his father’s death.  And takes to the highway to…wait.

    THE BOSS WON’T SEE THIS SQUIRREL EITHER.

    8:05:20 a.m. – Neil Cavuto emails the I-Man, suggesting that the Boss sounds ‘Down’.  Hey Neil.  Butt out.  You’d be down too if you felt as sick as Imus does.  But he doesn’t take off work every time he gets a hangnail.  It’s a true ‘Profile in Courage’ that he’s even HERE to take your stupid email.  How do you have time to write with all those ‘Donut Breaks’?

    THE REASON WHY NEIL IS ALWAYS IN A GOOD MOOD.  IT’S OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE HE’S JACKED UP  ON SUGAR.

    8:16:41 a.m. –  Ashley reports that due to the tragic crash in the French Alps, Lufthansa, Air Bus and other airline stocks have dropped significantly, leading the I-Man to correctly observe: “142 people die in an airplane cash, and these money grubbing bastards are dumping the stock?”  We are horrified by this revelation, as we’re not allowed to have our cell phones on the set, so we can’t make that call to our brokers.

    WE HAVEN’T SEEN SOMETHING GO DOWN THIS FAST SINCE KIM KARDASHIAN (WE WOULD’VE SAID MONICA LEWINSKY, BUT WE AGREE WITH THE I-MAN.  THAT POOR GIRL HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH.)

    8:35:20 a.m  – Author Michael Lewis is on to promote the paperback version of his book FLASH BOYS  which is about a small group of Wall Street Guys who figure out that the U.S. Stock Market has been rigged for the benefit of insiders.  It’s fascinating, the way these guys are able to manipulate the market, and we are on the edge of our seats until the I-Man decides to play some Lucinda Williams for Mr. Lewis.  Which is relevant, because, not unlike the Wall Street Traders on Black Tuesday in 1929, Lucinda’s music makes you want to jump out of a building. 

    “SO I GUESS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ‘MAMAS DON’T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS?  AND I ASSUME ‘WEST MEMPHIS’ IS ALSO COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION?”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    For those of you who want to finally get rid of your diaper, (Even if it’s a Depends) here’s a celebration of

     

    ‘GOING POTTY’

    Go Potty Go!

     

    MOMMY, LOOK! MY POO POO IS SINGING!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc1_3IuIuI4 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhzIMSI5eUQ 

    (To our knowledge, the only Potty Song to ever break into a ‘Reggae’ Beat)

    Monday
    Mar232015

    Ted Cruz?!

    6:06:06 a.m. –     The I-Man starts off the week asking Connell what the Big Story is this morning, and Connell reports that Ted Cruz has thrown his hat in the ring as a Presidential Candidate, a fact that completely nauseates the I-Man.  We think we know why.

    JOE McCARTHY, ( L )  TED CRUZ ( R )  SEPARATED AT BIRTH?  IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT CRUZ COULD ACTUALLY HELM A SENATE INVESTIGATION…HE CAN HARDLY ORGANIZE A BOWEL MOVEMENT

    6:09:18 a.m. –  Dagen has rescued a new dog, a Mutt named ‘Charlie’, who she got from a ‘Kill Shelter’.  Right off Death Row, a call from the Governor…and delivered straight to a Crazy House.

    CHARLIE, WHO, THE I-MAN SAYS LOOKS LIKE JOHNNY WINTER…BEFORE HE NEEDED HIS XANAX PRESCRIPTION

    6:15:30 a.m. –  Connell plays a clip of Senator John McCain telling the President to get over his ‘Temper Tantrum’  when it comes to Bibi Net an YAY hoo.  Yay Hoo?  Well, it could be worse.    Senator Ted Cruz thinks his name is Bibi Net An Yee Haw.

    YEE HAW!  (FYI, BOTH THE STEER AND THE HORSE ARE KOSHER)

    6:23:46 a.m. –  The I-Man reveals some private information that Nat confided in him.  Although, to be fair, Nat didn’t say it was ‘Off the Record’.  It involved Nat and his Girlfriend Denise, saying it took two months before Candido got ‘The Nookie Cookies’  Denise’s Uncle Brian is a HUGE fan of the I-Man’s.  Apparently, Uncle Brian did not know about this.  Well…HE KNOWS NOW!

    NAT’S A GENTLEMAN.  HE NOT ONLY WEARS A ‘PROMISE RING’, HE IS CURRENTLY SPORTING A PADLOCK ON HIS PENIS

    6:42:29 a.m. –  Gunz is leading the NCAA pool.  Proving that you don’t need any sports knowledge, or even know how to READ to fill out a bracket. 

    GUNZ GUNZELMAN.  AT BEST, A ‘TRAINABLE’

    7:15:10 a.m. –  Dagen does the Box Office Report and makes the observation that Sean Penn’s new movie ‘The Gunman’ bombed this weekend, “Because chicks don’t want to see a Sean Penn who looks like he’s been sleeping in an ashtray the last 25 years.   He’s NOT hot.”    This, coming from a woman who thinks that Flea is hot.

    IN A WORD…EWWWWWWW

    7:40:18 a.m. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS , otherwise known as ‘A coupla dudes sittin’ around talkin’ sports.’   The Guys discuss the NCAA Tournament play this weekend AND a controversial call which ends up being a subject of one of the ‘Douche of the Week’ matchups and the NFL Doctor Maroon, who stated that playing football is safer than riding a bike.   That is, if you’re riding that bike the wrong way into traffic on the Interstate. Maroon?  Moron.

    BRUTAL, TO BE SURE.  BUT STILL NOT AS BAD AS BEING HIT BY L.T.

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-man is STILL incredulous that Ted Cruz is running for president.  “This is a guy you wouldn’t even let pet your dog.”  Unless, of course, she were spayed, in which case, there wouldn’t be as much to worry about.

    “DOWN, REX!  BAD BOY!”

    “WELL, HE STARTED IT!”

    UM…TED, THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT.

    8:12:32 a.m. –   Ashley offers some interesting information, after learning that Bill O’Reilly will be on this week to promote the movie adaptation of his Bestseller “Killing Jesus”.  “Of all the books in his ‘Killing’ series, which one do you think sold the most copies?”   “Killing Patton?”  asks the I-Man.  “Killing Lincoln!” comes the reply.  Well.  I’ll be darned.   When does ‘Killing Ashley’ come out?

    THIS ONE COULD, QUITE POSSIBLY, SELL MORE THAN THE LINCOLN BOOK

    8:17:32 a.m. –   Dagen reports that, soon, there will be Tap Beer available at Convenience Stores.  So you can fill up your car, and fill up your ‘Growler’ at the same time.

    “HEY…HEY! HEY HADJI!  I SAID… KEEP IT FLOWING UNTIL I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE TRUCK.”

    8:35:00 a.m  – Pulitzer Prize Winning Author,Bret Stephens is on to promote his new book:   AMERICA IN RETREAT: THE NEW ISOLATIONISM AND THE COMING GLOBAL DISORDER.   We’re sure it’s great.  But not exactly a ‘Beach Read’.  We think we’ll wait for the Movie.

    RATED NC-17  NOBODY OVER OR UNDER 17 WILL BE ADMITTED

    9:05:13 a.m. -  The I-Man continues to mock Senator Ted Cruz for his Presidential Aspirations.  He is especially annoyed by Cruz’ lame attempt to appear ‘hip’ by announcing on Twitter.  Needless to say, he won’t be clicking ‘Like’ on the Senator’s Campaign Facebook Page.

    NO IT COULDN’T

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IT’S MARCH MADNESS

    HERE’S A COLLECTION OF SOME OF THE BEST MOMENTS FROM PAST NCAA TOURNAMENTS

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AscblZop9jk

    Thursday
    Mar192015

    Dagen's Basement Storage

    6:06:06 a.m. –     Imus begins the program by telling us he saw Dagen’s Husband Jonas Max Ferris (A.K.A. ‘Rollo’) on with Neil Cavuto, (A.K.A. ‘Lard Butt’) and asks that if we heard that he (Jonas) had jars with bits of people in them in the basement, would we be surprised?  Well, in a word, ‘No’.  But we DO think they might not be his.  Dagen suggests that he would probably be trying to hide her dirty work.  Is that not the perfect husband?  “Honey, would you mind taking out the garbage and hiding those specimen jars I have down next to the oil burner please?  I love you.”   As long as she still does, we guess he’s safe.

    WHAT’S LEFT OF THE CABLE GUY WHO HAD THE NERVE TO ASK FOR A GLASS OF WATER WHEN HE WAS INSTALLING DAGEN’S NEW DVR BOX

    6:12:24 a.m. – Dagen cuts Ashley off as he begins his report on Starbucks delivery, as she maintains she’s already done that story TWICE in the past year.  Be careful, Ashley.  The girl just got a brand new box of Mason Jars, and, apparently, she DO love… Cannin’

    “HEY, ASHLEY…IS THAT CONTAINER WHAT THEY CALL A ‘VENTI’?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Judge Jeanine Pirro, former Westchester D.A., the person who actually RE-OPENED the case against Robert Durst before he fled the city.   She thinks he’s guilty as sin.  The Judge has obviously been to Starbucks herself, cos’ girlfriend is JACKED UP about the situation.   Even though she gives one of the most fascinating, insightful recounting of this case that we’ve heard, the I-Man, of course, wants to know if Geraldo ever hit on her.   Judge Pirro replies ‘No’, which surprises the I-Man, as Geraldo has been known to hit on a fruit fly if it was female.  Jeanine says confidently, “He wouldn’t DARE hit on me.”   There’s something about her persona that makes men reluctant to even approach her, let alone hit on her.  Just a “Hey, how you doin’?” would result in an immediate indictment.  Followed by decapitation.  Which she would then give to Dagen to put up with the rest of her ‘Preserves’. 

    “YES, YOUR HONOR…I WILL NOT APPROACH THE BENCH.”

    7:04:10 a.m. –  The Great Nat Candido makes an observation in an email to the boss, suggesting Judge Pirro and the I-Man appear to be sharing a hairstyle.          

    EVEN WITH THAT HAIR AND THAT BODY…SHE’S STILL HOT

    7:16:46 a.m. – Warner and the I-Man discuss the NCAA starting today, and the Boss mentions he had Direct TV installed in his Trailer down in Texas, which prompts him to complain that he had to PAY for his, while they GAVE one to Tuff Cooper.  “Nobody knows who Tuff Cooper is!”   Well…everybody who either lives in Texas or listens to the I-Man does.  Still, Imus believes that he’s given Randy Bloomer so much on air publicity, that HE should get a free trailer too.  He will.  IN a few years.  A Double Wide in the ‘PARADISE’ Mobile Home court.

    7:40:44 a.m. – PSYCHOS II,  which clears up all the questions lefty by PSYCHOS I.  Security expert Bo Dietl wants to know what the problem with the Secret Service is, Bernard is upset that Race was introduced into the Loretta Lynch nomination to Attorney General, Gunz is upset that people think that he should vote for Hillary Clinton just because she’s a woman.  He says that she’s more of a man than he.  At least he’s right about something.  Ru Paul is more manly than Gunz.  Deirdre is apoplectic about the news that, in the wake of marijuana being legalized in so many states, there is actual consideration to make HEROIN legal as well.  She screams about it like she was a man who got his Johnson slammed in a car door.  What she doesn’t realize is, just by that very behavior, she has already driven 700 people listening to begin riding that Dragon called China White.

    DEIRDRE.  A GATEWAY DRUG.

    8:12:10 a.m. – Dagen reports a story that, despite a ban on new fast food restaurants in South L.A., the obesity rate was actually HIGHER.  Ashley weighs in with ‘Well…if you’re going to eat fast food, you’re going to get fat.’ In a tone that sounds pretty condescending…we assume to get back at Dagen for jumping on him earlier in the morning.  Just to be clear, Ashley, are you saying that eating Fast Food is fattening?  To quote Dagen, “No s#!% Sherlock.”

    EVEN RONALD MCDONALD GOT SUPERSIZED.  (HE EATS A LOT AT BURGER KING.  EVEN HE CAN’T BRING HIMSELF TO EAT AT HIS OWN RESTAURANT)

    8:22:44 a.m. –   Our studio is on the ground floor and surrounded by windows, which makes us visible to the fat tourists, who walk by, and gawk at us like we were monkeys in a cage…unless they see the I-Man, in which case, they think they’ve stumbled onto the Museum of Natural History, and it’s a diorama depicting Andrew Jackson’s signing of the Indian Removal Act.

    “LOOK HONEY!  IT’S MOVING!  IT MUST BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE ROBOTS THEY HAVE AT DISNEYWORLD!”

    8:35:00 a.m – Carl Cameron, Election Prognosticator is on to discuss the upcoming Republican and Democratic Primaries, assessing potential candidates, and the I-Man has some Probing Questions that directly pertain to the subject, such as “Is that Rand Paul’s Hair?”  Carl says “Yes it is.”   (We always assumed it was his, after all, he PAID for it…it’s not something you can ‘lease with an option to buy’)  “Who do you have in your bracket?”  “Kentucky all the way.”  and, of course, “Does this microphone make my ass look fat?”  Okay, he didn’t say that, but he might as well have, as it had about as much to do with Presidential Candidates as the other questions.  Carl insists that it's really too early to give the I-Man any good answers as it’s still too early in the process…essentially, that it’s too premature.   (WE ARE NOT TOUCHING THAT ONE…SO SUE US)  Although, we must admit, we do believe there was some significant ‘Personal Growth’ displayed by the Boss during this segment.  He never changed the word ‘Election’ to ‘ERECTION’ once.  Is there hope?  We’ll put it this way:  There’s another 600 days before the election.  There is WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME for it to happen.

    CARL IS THE REASON WHY CHRIS CHRISTIE DOESN’T CALL IMUS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    How, you too, can make your own head in a jar, without actually having to decapitate yourself first.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oer6QzwR4HU

    Wednesday
    Mar182015

    At Least It's Diet Coke!

    6:05:06 a.m. –   The I-Man begins the program with the amazing news that Hampton beat Manhattan in the ‘Play In’ game of the NCAA finals.  Hampton Coach,  Edward Joyner, says that he has Jesus on Speed Dial to ask for help with their next game against number one seed, Kentucky.   What Joyner doesn’t know is that Jesus has Kentucky on his bracket and he’s picked them to go all the way.  So Coach can leave all the voicemails he wants, it ain’t gonna happen.

    “HEY, COACH…LISTEN,DO ME A FAVOR…LOSE THIS NUMBER.”

    6:09:18 a.m. – Dagen reports that the Market was down due to fears that Treasury Secretary, Janet  Yellen, is going to raise interest rates.  The I-Man asks Ashley that he said Yellen would NOT raise interest rates, and Dagen replies “That’s because he pulled that one out of his butt.”   Imus says “We can do without you suggesting what’s coming out of his butt.”   Even though we have it on good authority that it’s a string of beads.

    FINALLY, WE NOW KNOW WHY HE’S GOT THAT GOOFY SMILE ON HIS FACE

    6:12:24 a.m. –  Bernard mentions that he will have info during the briefing about Bruce Jenner’s ‘Reassignment Surgery’…otherwise known as a sex change.  The I-Man wonders if Chas Bono, who is currently in the market for a penis could use Bruce’s for his ‘Addadicktomy’.    Even if he could, would you really want one that’s been inside KRIS Jenner?  That would have to be on the ‘damaged rack’ at the Penis Emporium, ‘Your One Stop Shop Fall All Your Penis Needs.’   Where Chas is currently a ‘member’.   (See what we did there?)  What Imus doesn’t know is that the Male Junk is not removed, rather a VaJayJay is fashioned out of it, it’s fileted, flipped inside out and tucked ‘Inside’.    He’s shocked to know that Bernie, Tony and Dagen are familiar with the concept of the procedure and  Ashley says he thinks Dagen’s only familiar is because she’s “Had the Operation”. 

    ONE OF THESE PEOPLE USED TO HAVE A PENIS

    6:21:42  a.m. –   The I-Man admits, publicly, and on the air, that he has “…the attention span of a hummingbird.”  We’re not so sure it’s even that long.  A hummingbird can stay at a single flower bloom until all the nectar is sucked out of it.   The Boss can’t even finish an entire cup of coffee because he gets distracted by shiny objects and it gets cold.

    THE I-BIRD

    6:40:14 a.m. –  The Snappy and Smart Martha MacCallum is on, talks about sending American Troops in the Middle East to fight ISIS.   She is in support of ‘Boots on the Ground’.  We are in support of her boots on the ground.  Preferably, thigh highs.  And a real short skirt.  Unlike these ISIS animals, THAT’S something worth fighting for.

    MARTHA MACCALLUM: HOT, SMAHT, AND A DEAD SHOT

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Imus reports that his Texas Contractor, Tommy Morrison is going on a hunting trip in Argentina, something he heard Deirdre talking to Tommy on the phone about.  He’s not going for the Big Game, such as the Wild Boar, the Leopard or the Bear.  He’s bringing his elephant gun to bag the Wily and Dangerous…Pigeon.   You don’t think they’re worthy of hunting?  Park your car underneath a flock of them.  Believe us, you’ll want to shoot every last one of those Flying Little F@@@ers.   Not only the pigeon, the I-Man comes to find out, but also one or more of the 12 varieties of PARAKEETS indigenous to the country.  He’s going to fly 5,111 miles to shoot parakeets?   Go to some old lady’s apartment when she’s not looking, and pop one in the middle of it ringing the little bell in its’ cage.  Pigeons?  Why not go on any roof in Brooklyn?   Although it’s not much of a sport, as they’re caged up in coops.  An easy shot.  Unless it happens to be Mike Tyson’s coop.   In which case, there will be a considerable pursuit involved.   As in his chasing you down the street to kick your ass.  THAT’S when a pigeon is dangerous.

    IF YOU’RE GOING FOR PIGEON, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT AMMUNITION.  BECAUSE YOU’LL NEED AT LEAST THREE OF THESE TO PUT DOWN TYSON

    7:16:46 a.m. – Somebody sent an anonymous email to the Secret Service about the two agents who were accused of a ‘Bomb’ incident.   Well, actually ‘Bombed’…hit a barrier in front of the White House because they were s#!t-faced.  In a hearing with the Director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, when asked how it was determined that the two agents were intoxicated, Clancy replied they received an anonymous email from someone a few days after the incident.  ANONYMOUS EMAIL?   You can Anonymously Email the SECRET SERVICE?  We thought that email address of the Secret Service was a SECRET!  Imus is incredulous that the Head of the Secret Service doesn’t know what the hell is going on with his agents.  Which is the same problem every actor who has signed with William Morris complains about.

    DIRECTOR CLANCY…HE KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON AT ALL TIMES…

    7:19:44 a.m. – During Dagen’s Business hit she reports that Kraft has recalled 6.5 Million boxes of their Macaroni and Cheese as, apparently, there is a possibility that there might be metal fragments inside.   But if you’re willing to actually eat Macaroni and Cheese, metal fragments are probably the only nutritious thing in it.  At least you’ll get your iron.  One of the things Kraft Macaroni and Cheese DOESN’T have any of, however, is….CHEESE.  On the Ingredients List, it says ‘Macaroni, Yellow Powdered Stuff, and…Don’t Worry About It, Just Eat It And Mind Your F@#king Business.

    7:35:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE, or, as we like to call it, IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT STOP I WILL JUMP OFF THIS BUILDING.   The ladies discuss Bibi Netanyahu’s re-election Hilary’s Emails, but let’s not dilly dally with these topics…the subject of Coca Cola trying to market itself in a ‘healthy way’, leads to Deirdre calling Lis, “You’re just a whore for the company.”   Um…WHAAAAATTT?   Did she just say what we think she just said? Lis is a Coke Whore? We were under the impression she was Pepsi all the way.  Wow.  You think you know a person…

    AT LEAST IT’S ‘DIET’ COKE

    7:55:11 a.m. – Dr. Bill Evans, Imus in the Morning’s Official Meterloga…Milgeoroge…Medeemoronol…Weather Man, does his James Carville Impression.  It’s actually not bad.  Not Rob or Tony quality, but certainly way better than Jeff McKay, the Traffic Dude’s Paul Begala.  (The ‘McKay Way’ makes Begala too sibilant)  The only problem with Dr. Bill is…once he gets into his Carville…he won’t stop.  Which, as you might imagine, doesn’t sit that well with the Cranky Cowboy.  Perhaps next time Evans should sing a few bars of ‘Into The Mystic’ because he does a killer Van Morrison.  Although, to properly get into character, he has to drink a fifth of Bushmills and kick a group of blind guys down the stairs.

    YOU THINK HIS ‘CARVILLE’ IS GOOD

     AIN’T HALF AS GOOD AS HIS VAN MORISON

    8:05:10 a.m. –  We have finally found a song we hate more than ‘1-877 Kars for Kids’.  It’s the new Texas Tornado’s ‘Sugar Blue’.  The I-Man says he can’t get it out of his head.   The problem is, neither can we.  Although it has replaced Lucinda Williams doing ‘West Memphis’.   

     

    8:35:00 a.m  –  Chris, ‘Mad Dog’ Russo phones in. We guess he’s too lazy to cross the street, as his Sirius XM Mad Dog Radio studio is LITERALLY ACROSS THE STREET.  He doesn’t really talk about the NCAA Tournament, (which we assume is why he’s on) as much as interview the I-Man while the I-Man is trying to interview HIM.  “How you doing Big Guy?  How’s Wyatt?     How’s Charles?.  (We assume he doesn’t listen to the program that much)  Chris also reveals that he just read the Bob Hope Biography by Richard Zoglin.  Which was printed in November of last year.  We suppose Chris is a little behind on his reading, as he just finished “That new author Dick somebody…Dick Charles I think…Dickens Charles that’s it! It’s called A Tale of The Twin Cities.  Which isn’t about Minneapolis/St. Paul, like I thought.”

    “I HATE THE DOG TRACK…SO DEPRESSING, WATCHING THOSE SKINNY LITTLE POOCHES CHASE THAT DUCK AROUND THE TRACK…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    AN TRIBUTE TO THE NATIONAL BEVERAGE

    A Young Lady shows her appreciation for Coca Cola, while simultaneously displaying how much she loves God.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6my9ZNxUL8 

     

     

     

    In this one, at least the young lad gets his exercise:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9SXrOMxAvQ 

     

     

    And finally, Marilyn Monroe stars in a Coke Commerical that could have very easily also starred JFK

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3t42TG6uKtg 

    Tuesday
    Mar172015

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day

    6:06:06 a.m. –   Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  Your FREE ticket to get S**tfaced on cheap booze.  St. Patrick, (Patron Saint of Liver Disease and the D.T.s) is only one of two Saints to have a big ass Holiday named after him.  St. Valentine, (Patron Saint of Diabetes and Pu**y Whips) has one as well.  One provides a huge bump for Guinness and Bushmills, the other for Hallmark and the Free Clinic.  

    BEWARE OF THOSE YOU KISS BECAUSE THE CLAIM THEY’RE ‘IRISH’, OR YOU MIGHT COME DOWN WITH THE ST PATRICK STD

    6:09:18 a.m. –  We are informed by the I-Man that ISIS now has…a spokesperson!  Abu Muhammad al-Adnani. A nasty little spud. 

    THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF GUY YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO AT A PRESS CONFERENCE

    We’d rather envision the ISIS spokesperson as if he were like The Cocoa Puffs Bird, or the Pillsbury Dough Boy, you know, one of those little cartoon, advertising, brand mascots.   We’d name him ‘Abba Dabba Doo’, (Thanks, Bo) and he warns little Jihadists to beware of the Great Satan, and teaches them how to make Bomb Vests.  

    “HEY KIDS!  LET’S SAY IT TOGETHER!  ‘DEATH TO AMERICA’!”

    6:18: 14 a.m. –  Warner says that the new Baseball Commissioner is open to hearing Pete Rose’s argument regarding his ban from the Hall of Fame.  Imus says he agrees Pete should be up there in Cooperstown…although he is in favor of Rose being banned for dying his hair.  We’re not as opposed to him dying his hair, as we were when he wore it as a cross between Ringo Starr and Shemp from the Three Stooges.

    MOE, LARRY AND ROSIE IN “WHOOPS! I’M A GAMBLER!”

    JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE…AND PETE (ROSE…NOT BEST)

    6:40: 14 a.m. –  K.T.McFarland is on, and The I-Man, ever the gentleman, stands up to greet her but…forgets that he’s wearing ear monitors and the old cowboy nearly became a headless horseman, as he’s almost hanged himself.  We use the correct word, ‘Hanged’, because…well, we know he’s not HUNG.  Sorry, we meant IT’s not Hung.   Not HE’s.   Imus asks K.T.  about the Iranian Nuclear Negotiations,  the Israeli Elections, and during the discussion, we hear the I-Man utter the phrase, “I’m gonna Uptown Funk You Up.”   After giving Bigfoot a heart attack, thinking he said something else, Imus notices the blank stare of Ms. Mcfarland, who has, clearly, thought as Bigfoot had, that The Boss had dropped the ‘F Bomb’.   It’s also clear there is little to no, ‘Bruno Mars/Mark Ronson’ in her, or on her Victrola.   Although she has been known to cut a rug to ‘Blurred Lines’.

    BUT YOU’RE A GOOD GIRL!  I KNOW YOU WANT IT, THE WAY YOU GRAB ME, MUST WANNA GET NASTY

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Connell reads the story about Robert Durst being charged for 3 murders, a story the I-Man is clearly not interested in.  Dagen, who watched the entire documentary series ‘Jinxed’ which was about that very subject, believes Durst should be brought to justice.  Listening to Dagen’s diatribe, the I-man muses that Durst MISSED one.  Implying that there should’ve been four murders. 

    “WHAT WAS THIS CROSS-DRESSING FREAK THINKING…MESSING AROUND WITH…A MAN WHO IS ON TRIAL FOR THE MURDER OF 3 WIVES?”

    7:16:46 a.m. – Ashley reports that, the day after St. Patrick’s day is traditionally the one that has the most number of emergency dental visits.  Suggesting that the Drunks are either falling, or getting into fistfights.  Even Connell is amazed that an Englishman would have the gall to comment on a story about TEETH. 

    “AYE!  BE SURE YOU BE FLOSSIN’, ELSE YE MIGHT END UP LIKE THIS:”

     

    “THEN THE POT O’ GOLD WILL BE IN YER MOUTH!”

    7:38:53 a.m. – PSYCHOS I  Lou Rufino is on the panel, this morning, prompting Deirdre to pronounce “The Leprechaun is in the House!” 

    THE ‘LUPICAHN’ AND THE ‘LOUPRECHAN’

    7:40:08 a.m. – Dagen is upset with guys who stand too close to her at bars, or at the store, (surprise surprise)  Lou is concerned that Penn Station will be a cesspool because of all the Drunken Teens who will come in from Long Island  to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Nat complains about  ‘Door Holding Etiquette’  and freaks out when he does the chivalrous thing and women don’t say ‘Thank You’.   Deirdre is pissed off at people who don’t know what a Vegetarian is.  “So you eat only chicken and fish?”  “NO!”  Fair warning to all of you out there who might be tempted to ask her about Vegetarianism:   Don’t ‘Go There’ with Deirdre without wearing a helmet. 

     BEFORE YOU BRING UP THE SUBJECT WITH MRS. IMUS, BETTER PUT THIS MELON ON YOUR MELON

    7:44:28 a.m. – The I-Man says he hates the people in his building who see him coming and won’t hold the elevator.  We empathize with this.  It takes longer for Imus to walk from the front door to the elevator than it would take for it to go up to the Penthouse, come down, go back up and down again, stopping at EVERY floor, and he would STILL be ten feet away.   Well.  At least he can take the stairs.  If Brant carries him that is.

    “YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO GET ME UPSTAIRS.”

    “10-4”

    “NO, DAMMIT!  I SAID FIVE!!!”

    “YESSIR.  UNDERSTOOD.  NOW, WHICH DIRECTION AM I GOING IN?”

    “UP!”

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus Sister-In-Law, Barbara Hekeler, sends a text to Him.  Why, you might ask?  She has a joke for the Boss.  Yup.  You heard right.  And he reads it on the air.  “Did you hear about the population in Ireland?  It’s Dublin.”  Hey now!  Boom!  Tip your waitresses, I’m here all week. 

     BARBARA COLEMAN HEKELER.  FIGHTING OFF HEKELERS

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Teresa Birney, the I-Man’s hairstylist, tells him that people around the building ask her all the time if that’s his real hair.   “Who would ever wear a wig like this?”  Imus says incredulously.  We don’t know.  Frank Luntz maybe?   That’s just off the top of our heads.  And his, by the way.

    ACTUALLY, WE KNOW A COUPLE OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE THAT HAIRDO

    8:17:00 a.m  –  Warner reports that the Oklahoma City Thunder Star Center, Serge Ibaka, will be lost indefinitely.  Apparently, he’s suffered a knee injury, which Imus was relieved to hear, as he thought Serge had stepped off the team bus and wandered off somewhere.  No, I-Man.  That’s you.

    BACK IN THE DAYS OF NBC RADIO, THE PROGRAM DIRECTOR MADE THE I-MAN WEAR A GPS HELMET SO THEY COULD FIND HIM WHEN HE WOULD WANDER OFF THE RESERVATION

    8:40:16 a.m. – Juan Williams, I-Fave, In Studio, wearing his Green Tie in Celebration of St. Paddy’s Day.  (And for those of you who don’t believe in ‘The Black Irish’ we will simply submit… Eddie Murphy)   Juan is here to discuss the Iranian Nuclear Deal, which Mr. Williams suggests is a long term interest for the stability of the Middle East.  They also talk about the Israel Election, and a casual remark about the NCAAs, which brings us an interesting insight to the I-Man:  He does not gamble.  Unlike Pete Rose, Gambling is the ONLY Vice Imus DIDN’T take part in, after losing 20 dollars in slot machine when he was a lad.  You’re saying, what’s the big deal?  20 dollars isn’t much of a big deal.  Well, when Imus was a young man, you could buy a new car for 20 Dollars.  A house for a hundred.  For 50 Cents you could go to Europe.  So we understand the Boss’s trepidation.

    BACK THEN, THEY CALLED THEM ‘ONE LUNG BANDITS’

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Famous YouTube Sensation

    A Real Life Leprechaun Sighting

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4DAkW4VwfA