6:06:06 a.m. – Dwight Yoakam and his band are here this morning, and Dagen has gotten all dolled up in honor of Dwight’s appearance. The I-Man comments that she looks like a the girls standing by the Lincoln Tunnel. Actually, she looks like a Time Traveller, because, as she points out, there haven’t been girls at the Lincoln Tunnel in 25 years.
DAGEN SETS THE TIME MACHINE FOR 1978
6:08:18 a.m. – Imus got his watch fixed so it is now to his liking. Which begs the question: ‘Why buy a 75,000 dollar watch that you need to change?’ We’re very impressed with his confidence in his masculinity as he is able to confidently wear Liberace’s Rolex without shame. He has had the face replaced. Which begs another question. ‘When is Deirdre going to get his fixed?’ But, then again, why marry a cranky cowboy in the first place? Because he can afford a 75,000 dollar watch.
THE NEW WATCHFACE ON THE ROLEX. IMUS LIKES WHEN IT’S 6:30. THEN IT LOOKS LIKE MICKEY IS PLAYING WITH HIS PENIS
6:17: 14 a.m. – There is a story about a woman who fired two shots into a Drive Thru window at a McDonald’s because they didn’t put bacon on her hamburger. Which is one of the reasons why we are nervous about the I-Man owning a Glock. We wonder if that Rolex salesman knows how lucky he really is.
“DON’T SHOOT! I ONLY PUT LETTUCE AND PICKLE AND TOMATO ON THE BUN…NO MEAT! “
6:22:22a.m. – Dwight sings ‘The Big Time’. The band is smokin’. His jeans are tight. Dagen gets the vapors.
“HEY THERE, DARLIN’…LET OL’ PAW PAW SHOW YOU HOW TO FINGER THAT…”
6:40:14 a.m. – Dana Perino started as a country DJ. She says that she’s “…a little in awe that Dwight’s warming up for me.” Um…you think Dwight Yoakam is OPENING for you? How do we put this gently…you’re a F$#@ING moron. Not to put too fine a point on it. Dwight Yoakam is Country Music Royalty, and Dana Perino’s claim to fame is being the 27th White House Press Secretary under George W. Bush. And is the one who took the ‘Shoe’ for him. We used to think that the guy who threw it had lousy aim. Now we realize she was the one at whom he was throwing it.
“DUCK, MR. PRESIDENT!
“UM…DANA…I THINK HE’S AIMING FOR YOU.”
7:05:10 a.m. – Dwight sits down on set with us, and is stupefied at the I-Man’s mercurial mood swings. He’s especially bemused by how little it takes for the Boss to lose it. Completely. He thinks somebody should “Go get Paw Paw his pills…otherwise he’s gonna ruin yer whole day!”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DUDE? WHAT IS YOU’RE EFFIN’ PROBLEM?
7:15:30 a.m. – The I-Man interrupts Connell during his news cast, leaving Connell to ask the Boss if he had the hiccups. To which, the I-Man answers in the affirmative. “You might want to think about holding your breath”, Connell suggests. We agree. Hold it until your face turns…black.
…JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES…
7:40:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE or, as we like to call it, ‘The Reason Why We Think Being Gay Just Might Be A Choice After All.’ The segment begins with ‘Bill or Hillary, Who’s the Bigger Douche?’ then moves on to the legal fight between Sophia Vergara and her ex-boyfriend over the ownership of her embryos…we really didn’t hear all of what was going on…because we were in the garage with the door closed and the car idling and the motor was too loud.
THIS GUY FINALLY HAD ENOUGH. UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS AN ELECTRIC CAR
8:05:10 a.m. – Imus wonders why Dwight’s Band sounds so good. It’s an age-old secret….they’re actually…good.
WHO KNEW MARCO RUBIO WAS SO F%$#ING AMAZING ON THE GUITAR?
8:16:32 a.m. – From this point forward, we get three more songs from Dwight and the boys, and, backstage, he gives us a little background on just how prevalent and ubiquitous he has been throughout musical history. He’s TRULY, ‘Been there, done that.’
BACK WHEN HE WAS LUDWIG VAN YOAKAM
WRITING ‘CELLOS, HARPSICORDS AND RENAISSANCE MUSIC’
DWIGHT AND THE ‘FREEDOM THREE’. NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT HE WROTE ‘YANKEE DOODLE’ (WHICH PAUL McCARTNEY NOW OWNS)
DWIGHT’S CIVIL WAR GROUP ‘D.Y. AND THE BLUE BELLIES’
PLAYING DOUBLE BASS FOR THE KING CARTER JAZZING ORCHESTRA…
…AND TRUMPET SOLOIST FOR ED FULLERS FAMOUS JAZZ BAND
FILLING IN FOR JOHN ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW
AND DURING HIS ZIGGY STARDUST PERIOD
VIDEO OF THE DAY
HE’S NOT JUST AN AMAZING SONGWRITER,
MUSICIAN & ACTOR
THE BOY’S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY, TOO
click this link
“Bring Paw Paw his pills…”