6:05:00 a.m. – The I-Man is happy that he didn’t invest five years in watching ‘Breaking Bad’. He says he’s never getting involved in a TV series again. Unless of course, that ‘Whittaker Chambers’ project ever gets greenlit by CBS…you know, the one with the Eagles Soundtrack.
JESSE AND WALT DON’T SEEM TO BE TOO BROKEN UP OVER THE I-MAN’S CRITICISM
6:07:56 a.m. – Connell reports that the Government Shutdown is imminent…however there is good news. Air Traffic Controllers are still working. So, hopefully, there will be no Pink Teddy Bears in your Swimming Pool.
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT? WELL, IT’S MORE LIKE THE STUFFED ANIMAL EFFECT
6:15:12 a.m. – The I-Lesson of the Day: Don’t Project. He and Wyatt went to support Deirdre who was winning an award from the Canary Project for her many charitable works, and the I-Man was dreading the experience as it had ‘tedious’ written all over it. Until he showed up…and HAYES CARLL was there! So there you go, Boys and Girls…you think something might suck? Show up anyway. Because Hayes Carll could be there.
“HEY! WYATT! IS THAT HAYES CARLL?”
6:25:34 a.m. – Billy Joe Shaver is here, and admits that he would NOT find Hayes Carll’s presence at any event, a welcome addition. He’s not a fan. Apparently, Hayes used to open for Billy Joe. And take up all the time…leaving Billy Joe no stage time, and, therefore, no paycheck. We would advise Hayes to avoid being in the same room with Billy Joe. This is a man who shot a dude in the face for making an untoward comment to his wife. Hayes would wind up leaving the EARTH for Jesus.
“I’M COMIN’ FOR YOU, CARLL!”
BILLY JO’S GOT A GUN
6:40:28 a.m. – Bo Dietl. We’re not sure, but we think we actually heard Bo say the words, ‘God Bless my Muslim Brothers’. We’re not sure exactly what that means. Either BO has had an epiphany…or he’s been smoking that sweet blue ‘Shabu Shabu’ Walter White’s been cooking.
“TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT!”
7:09:22 a.m. – In light of the impending government shut down, If you’re a ‘non essential’ government employee…you might want to reconsider your career choices. Okay, Smokey?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘TAKE THE NEXT FEW WEEKS OFF WITHOUT PAY? I GOT A MORTGAGE, DAMMIT!’
7:22:57 a.m. – Imus has a coughing fit, which makes him unable to stop Connell from reading a number of HIDEOUS stories, one of the worst being the man who walked into the rotor blades of his own helicopter…while attempting to retrieve his hat. Which is the definition of irony. He won’t be needing that hat any more.
“THIS MAY BE A MOOT POINT, BUT MY NECK IS A 7 5/8 “
7:15:46 a.m. – Dagen ponders the ‘alignment’ of Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and his recent lady love, Danica Patrick. They are both diminutive in stature…which leads one to a visual of Chris Bosh and HIS wife.
MR. & MRS. BOSH: WE HOPE SHE WORKS WITH A NET
7:40:19 a.m. – Bill O’Reilly is on to promote his new book KILLING JESUS. Bill has a number of theories about the Son of God…one of which being he may be it himself. He certainly has more followers than Christ. 4 Million as opposed to 12 Disciples, who, for the most part, are pretty much useless.
BILL PICKED UP THE CHECK. BECAUSE THAT’S JUST HOW HE IS
8:16:33 a.m. – The I-Man is coughing more than usual this morning. We think he’s got a frog in his throat. It used to be a Prince.
THIS IS WHY IMUS IS COUGHING
8:21:12 a.m. – The I-Man notes that people never make eye-contact with him at events, such as the one last Friday at the Canary Project. Maybe he doesn’t realize they don’t want to turn into stone.
MEDUSA ACTUALLY HAS BETTER HAIR
8:41:56 a.m. – More Billy Joe Shaver music! What a sweet, funny, talented man. We just wouldn’t want to cross him. He once shot a man in Reno…just to watch him die.
NOW THAT’S OUTLAW COUNTRY
9:11:37 a.m. – Imus wonders who Bill O’Reilly dedicated his book to. We’re assuming Judas Iscariot. “I’d like to thank the man who was singularly responsible for making this book a N.Y. Times Bestseller. I owe you 30 pieces of silver.”
JUDAS DOES A ‘MICHAEL CORLEONE’… ‘YOU BROKE MY HEART, JESUS. YOU BROKE MY HEART…”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T GET TOO MUCH OF BILLY JOE SHAVER
AND BECAUSE THE SUBJECT OF THIS CLASSIC SHAVER SONG IS MORE THAN APROPOS THIS MORNING