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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

The Growing Pediatric Health Gap: Environmental Injustice Threatens Our Future - As we continue our mission of protecting children’s health, integrative pediatrician Dr. Rosen and I write about the changes in children's health over the last decade, and what we can do about it. We can each change one thing, and we hope this article in  EXPLORE: The Journal of Science and Healing  will inspire you to find one positive change to make for our kids' health.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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We mourn the loss of Eileen Jurist Prince (Eileen, Back Row Center) inspiration for The Tomorrow's Children Fund and daughter of our dear friend the extraordinary David Jurist.

  
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Patriots Dominate Texans - Patriots dominate in all 3 phases; defeat Texans with a 27-0 final score

Team USA Falls To Czechs - Team USA falls to Czechs, finishes winless in World Cup Hockey embarrassment

Mets Beat The Phillies - Cabrera 11th-inning homer leads Mets over Phillies 9-8

Phil Mickelson Drained a 94-Foot Putt at the Tour Championship

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Jul142015

    Lookin Good, Connie!

    6:05:12 A.M. –  The Boss begins the program by sharing the NY Post cover of Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman in the cockpit of a private plane have a cocktail. Like the two murdering thugs that escaped the upstate prison, the I-Man is kinda rooting for El Chapo. Granted he was a murderous  drug kingpin that killed rivals, elected officials, police , women , children, a pet hamster named fluffy, peed in the holy water at Our Lady of Guadalupe, and  brought a ham sandwich to a Passover Seder, but the Boss doesn’t think that necessarily disqualifies El Chapo from being rooted for.

    Clearance?? We don’t need no steenkin clearance! Vamanos!

    6:07:56 A.M. –  Connell is not in this morning as he has taken the time off to iron his mom jeans and continue his hormone therapy. If all goes to plan those new child bearing hips are going to look pretty damn good in those jeans.

    Um….Looking good...Connie?!

    6:20:47 A.M. – Bernard reports that following Donald Trump’s  Twitter jab at El Chapo ,threatening to kick the drug lord’s ass, Guzman fired back saying “Keep bothering me and I’ll make you swallow all your bitch words you f---ing blond milks--tter @realDonaldTrump,”. We have to admit that we liked  the threat better in the original  Spanish.  When you get cursed out in another language it sounds bad, you just don’t know how bad. There’s no ambiguity here. Twitter beefs are usually reserved for rappers. Can’t wait until El Chapo’s new CD “Straight Outta Altiplano” drops next Tuesday.

    The Notorious D.J.T.

    6:30:17 A.M.  Bernie plays a clip of Geraldo Rivera threatening to knock out Eric Bolling of Fox’s The Five. The two men got into a heated exchange over Donald Trump’s comments about Mexican immigrants. This is shaping up to be one helluva a fight card. Our money is on Geraldo. We think that he would leave Bolling severely brain damaged although it would be really hard to tell.

    Don’t Call It A Comeback...Geraldo Gone Knock You Out!

    6:38:09 A.M. –  I-Fave, and Navy SEAL Leif Babin is on to discuss the Iranian nuclear weapons deal. Leif is not a big fan of this deal as he fears it will lead to a nuclear arms race in the Middle East. Thanks for scaring the living s*&t out of us this morning Leif. It’s clear that we should’ve sent Mr. Babin and his scary looking partner at Echelon front , Jocko, over to negotiate the terms. Not only would they have gotten us a great deal on nukes they would’ve gotten a steal on some snappy persian rugs.

    Nukes? Nukes Schmooks. What Were We thinking? My Friend Can’t We All Get Along? As John Lennon Says ..Um..Give Peace A Chance. Maybe Your Wife Jenna Would Like My Rug. It’s Yours Ambassador?? Babin. Please Take It And Your Scary Friend Jocko with you.

    7:07:06 A.M. – We listen in to the President touting his new nuclear weapons agreement with the Iranians. We notice that Warner has begun to speak in tongues and utter a string of obscenities. We think that either he is possessed or he is not particularly happy with this deal. We hope it’s the latter because it’s going to be tough finding a Rabbi that does exorcisms.

    Rabbi Feinstein Do Yo Think The Chicken Soup Will Help Exorcise The Demon? Eh, Couldn’t Hurt

    7:18:32 A.M. – Warner reports that Dallas Cowboys all pro wide receiver Dez Bryant is threatening to turn down his 13 million dollar contract and holdout for the season. The I-Man notes that Dez could make that in a week working for El Chapo. True, but El Chapo doesn’t offer a 401K and he’s not the guy you want to complain about to human resources.

    Now Which One Of You Motherf&*kers Is Stealing Post It Notes?

    7:30:02 A.M. – During Bernie’s Briefing he reports that during a case of domestic violence between a lesbian couple a woman used a dildo  to go upside her wife’s head. That’s not shocking. What is shocking is that they let a penis come between them.

    Stupid bi*%h, Bringing A Dildo To A Sword Fight

    7:42:08 A.M.-  Pyschos1 begins with the I-Man’s rant about people who don’t do what they’re supposed to do. The boss bought a manure spreader and as he attached it to his golf cart he discovered that the manure was shooting in his direction. It seems the spreader was installed backwards by “accident”. At least that’s what the dealer told him.

    Deirdre Get That A-Hole On The Phone. I Think There’s Something Wrong With The Manure Spreader

    7:43:18 A.M.- Bernie is upset with Bolshevik Bill de Blasio for not maintaining New York City’s quality of life. He cites a NY Post picture of the same homeless guy peeing in the streets two days in a row. Our question is how many bottles of water did the Post photographer have to give this guy to get his pics?

    It’s Very Hard To Write Your Name When People Are Staring

    7:45:34 A.M. – Lou Rufino shares Bernie’s sentiment about the the Mayor’s mismanagement of the city. He’s tired of stepping over the homeless to get to work. Not nearly as tired as they are of Lou trampling through their living rooms at 4:00 AM.

    I’m Telling You Man There Are Leprechauns Walking Around Penn Station Early In The Morning. I Thought I Was Dreaming But A Little Red Headed One Walked Right Through My Living Room.

    7:46:14 A.M. - Gunz is happy that rapper 50 Cent is declaring bankruptcy. That and a quarter still won’t get you laid Gunz, but we hear you.

    Perhaps You Should Be More Concerned With This Match.Com Profile Pic

    7:45:34 A.M. – Deirdre is upset with women who are so busy playing on their smart phones that they don’t pay attention to their small children. She mentions women who have babies in one hand while their busy on the phone with the other. Um...Ladies if we were you , we’d put the fu%king phones down. The D-Woman can be a saint, but you don’t want to get on the wrong side of crazy.

    Drop The Phones And Hold Out Your Hands

    8:10:43 A.M. –  The Boss shares a story about an irritated Deirdre Imus , who he has now dubbed “El Chapo”, chopping vegetables at a very rapid pace with a very sharp knife. The idea of her cutting cucumbers just made us cross our legs.

    Careful Boss. El Chapo Could Easily Become El Choppo

    8:40:23 A.M. – Our favorite CIA Agent, Mike Baker calls in from Prague Czechoslovakia. We don’t think he’s there on vacation, but we’re glad he took time between piano wiring terrorists to call in. Imus asks Baker about the nuke deal with Iran. He’s not sure if it’s a good deal or not at this point. We are sure that once he finishes waterboarding the Iranian official that he’s kidnapped in Prague he’ll have a better idea.

    Hold On I’ve Got to Call Imus

     

    Heres The Link To Leif Babin’s Upcoming Book Extreme Ownership

    http://www.echelonfront.com/#!extreme-ownership/c466

     

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Today For Your Viewing Pleasure We Have Geraldo Rivera In The Ring. Watch Out Bolling You’re No Frank Stallone

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGSPtKhsm8c

     

    Monday
    Jul132015

    El Chapo

    6:03:12 A.M. –  “El Chapo” has escaped from jail.  This is the second time Mexico’s most notorious Drug Lord, Joaquin Guzman Loera has broken out.   Joyce Mitchell was unavailable for comment.  She likes her men like she likes her coffee.  Confined.

    MAYBE SHE EXPECTED HIM TO MARRY HER

    6:08:56 A.M. – Friday, Nat Candido Emailed the I-Man for Taylor Swift tickets for the concert at the Meadowlands…that night.  The I-Man sent an email back, saying, “No problem, they’ll be at the ‘Will Call’.   And I got you backstage passes.  Just tell them the I-Man sent you. Enjoy the show.”  After Nat spelled ‘Don Imus’ about 50 different ways at the Box Office…he realized, he’d been had. 

    “OKAY…CHECK…DON IMUS…OKAY…J.D. IMUS…UM…JOHN DONALD?  I-MAN?  CAPITAL ‘I’.  C’MON, BRO, THEY HAVE TO BE HERE!  HE SAID THEY’D BE WAITING FOR ME!   DOES THIS MEAN I’M ALSO NOT RIDING BACK TO THE HOTEL IN THE LIMO WITH HER?”

    6:10:44 A.M. – The Boss informs us that Meghan Hurlbut, the woman who runs the Imus World Headquarters Office, will be ‘Leaving the Family’, which makes us alternately, happy AND sad.  Happy for her moving on to other opportunities, and sad, because, we will miss her.  But we also want to know…what she did to ‘Get Out’   Because The Imus Family is like a Mafia Family.  Once you’re in…you’re NEVER out.

    “HURLBUT…HURLBUT…WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MAKE YOU TREAT ME SO DISRESPECTFULLY?

    6:14:08 A.M. – The I-Man has bad news about Liz Cho for Dr. Bill Evans. She tied the knot.  Not her tubes…she didn’t tie THOSE.  She got MARRIED. So she’s off the market.  But he should look at the bright side.  He’s gained a parking space.

    NOT GONNA HAPPEN NOW.  NOT THAT IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY.

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo Dietl talks ‘El Chapo’.  He says he’s a ‘Real Bad Dude’.  He’s killed tons of innocent people and police.  He thinks he should be ‘Assassinate-atated’.   Then he goes on to sing the praises of President Obama.  If by praises you mean, “He’s the worst president EVER.”  

    BO AND THE PRESIDENT.  IN HAPPIER TIMES.

    7:05:10 A.M.  The I-Man informs us that one of the calves on the Ranch is sick.  It’s ‘Down’, as they say in Ranching.  He notes that the calf looks a lot like him in the 80’s.  Which makes sense to us, because calves don’t wear pants either.

    “MOOOOO…I DON’T FEEL WELL…”

    7:13:26 A.M.  Connell plays a clip of Miss Rhode Island at the ‘Miss USA’ pageant, attempting to answer a question about ‘Political Correctness.’  That Dumb B….Broad, is totally lost.  She did have a nice rack though.  Sorry, that wasn’t ‘Politically Correct’, but…at least now we can answer the question.

    MISS RHODE ISLAND, AND BILLY REDDEN, THE BANJO GUY FROM DELIVERANCE.  HE KNEW THE ANSWER…

    7:40:16 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  featuring Warner Wolf, Tony Powell, Lou Rufino, Connell McShane, Gunz Gunzelman, and a distraught Nat Candido.  Apparently, he waited at the Box Office until Saturday to get his ‘Non Existent Tickets’.  He did HEAR the show, however.  From the Parking Lot.

    “I SWEAR, BRO…HE SAID THEY WOULD BE THERE.”

    7:43:18 A.M. – The guys discuss LA Clipper’s Center, Deandre Jordan, who backed out of his verbal agreement with Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks.  Gunz thinks that’s horrible, for someone to back out of an agreement, but then, Gunz has been on the other side of that scenario many times.  The only difference is that Deandre didn’t say his Grandmother was sick or that he had to wash his hair.

    “TRUST ME DUDE, SHE AIN’T COMIN’”

    7:44:36 A.M. – Danica Patrick getting ‘Rear Ended’ by Dale Earnhardt Jr. in Kentucky last Saturday Night at the Kentucky Speedway.  She was quite upset with Jr., and let fly a few F-Bombs in his direction.  Apparently, she doesn’t like being ‘Rear Ended’.  Which happens to be a bone of contention between her and her boyfriend, NASCAR driver, Ricky Stenhouse Jr.

    “C’MON…WON’T YOU EVEN TRY IT?”

    8:05:11 A.M. – Warner has a cough. He needs to stop smoking.  It’s clearly stunted his growth.

    MAYBE IF HE STUCK WITH LOLLIPOPS, HE WOULDN’T HAVE THE PROBLEM.

    8:23:11 A.M. – Warner reports the story about Buffalo Bills Offensive Coordinator Aaron Kromer, who, on vacation assaulted three kids who had the audacity to move his deck chairs.  He punched one, pushed another, and told the third he was going to ‘Kill his family’ if he squealed.  This leads Warner to ask, “What’s (Bills Coach) Rex Ryan going to do now?”  Imus’ quick response:  “Probably suck on his toes.”

    NOTHING BETTER THAN A PEANUT BUTTER AND TOEJAME SAMMICH

    8:39:43 A.M. – One of our favorite people, Monica Crowley, phones in and we learn that she’s still engaged to the same guy.  You’d think that after 20 years they would know whether or not they have a future together, and finally ‘Pull the Trigger’ on the marriage.  But apparently, Monica doesn’t want to ‘Rush Things’.   She wants to wait until their kids are dead.  

    MONICA WAITS PATIENTLY

    8:45:09 A.M. – Monica leaves us with an incredible prediction:  Hillary will not get the Democratic Nomination.  Joe Biden will get in the race, and will have the full support of the White House and Hillary Hater, Barack Obama, behind him.  She also predicts the resurgence of Betamax and Platform Shoes.

    THE VICE-PRESIDENT WILL THROW HIS HAT IN THE RING, RIGHT AFTER HE TAPES ‘THE ROCKFORD FILES’ AND ‘WELCOME BACK KOTTER’

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THAT WACKY BILL COSBY

    You Feelin’ a Little Sleepy Yet?”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CA4yuz8qgj4 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAorIG6MZnc

    Friday
    Jul102015

    Bernie in the Morning

    6:03:12 A.M. –  The I-Man is not here this morning, which is serendipitous, because his cramps from yesterday might have precluded his being here anyway, but it just so happens that today is one of the days Imus will activate the  ‘Most Fridays Off’ provision of his new contract.  So this morning, we will be ‘Bernie in the Morning.’  Na na na na!   We are a little worried that, as the morning progresses, Bernard will become more and more like the Boss.   We saw him in the hallway on the way to the studio; and when we said “Good morning!” he made the ‘Horsie Noise’ and pronounced “I don’t feel well.”

    IN ANOTHER STRANGE TWIST, BERNIE GREW AN EXTRA TESTICLE

    6:08:56 A.M. – Gunz will be going to the Tickertape Parade down at the Canyon of Heroes, given for the Womens’ World Cup Champion Soccer Team.  We think that HE thinks he will improve his chances at getting a date.  What the hopeful young lad is too dim to realize is, he has NO chance with any of the girls on the team.  Especially now that they’ve won the World Championship…they actually have some ‘Self Esteem’.   

    SOMETHING GUNZ SEES A LOT

    6:40:27 A.M.  K.T. McFarland is on, National Security Analyst, is on to discuss the Iranian Nuclear talks, and worries that we won’t get a good deal from them, but apparently, she hasn’t bought a Persian Rug, because as long as you hang in there, you’ll eventually wear them down.  Bernie plays a clip of Donald Trump saying we should bomb the hell out of ISIS, World War II style, without concern for collateral damage…which K.T. didn’t seem to have a problem with.  Which is yet another reason to not piss this woman off.

    K.T. ON THE WAY TO THE SUPERMARKET

    7:08:37 A.M.  Gunz reports that he will be riding on one of the Parade Floats this morning…just not on the Team Float, as the restraining order is still in place.  His float will be “No less than 100 Yards” behind.   He’ll be easy to spot, though.  He will be the one holding up the sign:  ‘Don’t Wave!  Make Out!’

    GUNZ.  ADVERTISING.  THE BULLHORN WAS AN EXCEPTIONALLY ANNOYING ADDITION

    7:35:06 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE returns!  Deirdre Imus, Michael Riedel, and Imogen Lloyd Weber weigh in on Show Business stories.  Imogen reports on the story she broke on Broadway.com, debunking the ‘James Bond Broadway Musical’ rumor.  Declaring herself ‘The Woodward & Bernstein of Broadway’, she actually checked with Barbara Broccoli, the keeper of the franchise, and found out that 007 won’t be tap dancing any time soon.  We’re disappointed.  We were hoping for a song about ‘Pussy Galore’.

    “I’VE GOT A LICENSE TO KILL…LICENSE TO KILL…OH, WHAT A THRILL, A LICENSE TO KILL, A GREAT BIG PILE OF BODIES I’LL BE MAKIN’…MAKE ME A MARTINI, STIRRED NOT SHAKEN…”

    7:38:07 A.M. – Deirdre is not a huge fan of Ben Affleck.  She asks “Are you surprised he was cheating on his wife, Jennifer Garner?” No, we’re not.  We saw ‘Gone Girl’, and, as you said, the director made a comment about how convincing Affleck was playing an adulterer.  And…as everybody knows, he’s not that great an actor.

    HE MAY SUCK AS A THESPIAN, BUT, APPARENTLY, ‘COPPING A FEEL’ IS IN HIS ‘SENSE MEMORY’

    7:40:07 A.M. – Riedel is enamored with Broadway Diva, Patti Lupone.  We’re not surprised by that either.  In the middle of her performance in Douglas Beane’s comedy ‘Shows For Days’, she stopped and snatched a cell phone from an audience member who was texting during the play.  The audience, apparently, applauded.  But…if somebody is texting while you are onstage…you’re pretty effing boring.  And that applause…probably covered up for the rest of the audience texting during the show.

    “HEY, PINHEAD!  STAY OFF YOUR F#@$ING PHONE!”

    7:44:08 A.M.-  Riedel and Bernie share a fondness for the ‘Old Hollywood Legendary Leading Men’: Robert Mitchum, Gary Cooper, Cary Grant…and, probably Rock Hudson.  At least from Riedel’s perspective. 

    HE KNEW HIM WHEN.

    8:05:34 A.M. – A cut from the emotional speech given Rep. Jenny Horne from the floor of South Carolina’s House of Representatives Wednesday, imploring her fellow lawmakers to vote for the Bill to remove the Confederate Flag from the State House Grounds.  Horne, a white woman, revealed that she is a descendant of Jefferson Davis.  No, Gunz, he’s NOT Sammy Davis’ Uncle, NOR is he a middle linebacker for the Giants.

    “HEY MAN, I DON’T TOUCH THE PIGSKIN…IT’S NOT KOSHER.”

    “NEVERTHELESS, THAT WAS A HELLUVA END ZONE DANCE, DAVIS.”

    8:40:43 A.M. – Rep. Peter King is the guest, weighs in on Republican Presidential Candidates Rand Paul and Ted Cruz, by saying “I’d hit one with a left, and one with a right.”  He also says he’s not running.  Damn.  We’d love to see him get into fisticuffs with those two pantloads. 

    “AND WHEN I’M THROUGH MAKING YOU MY BITCH, CRUZ…I’M GOING FOR THAT PUSSY PAUL!”

    8:44:08 A.M. –  Congressman King tells us he wants Congress to pass a law that would allow the Government to see your online activity.  He makes it seem as though he wants to be able to get a jump on terrorist activity on the Internet, when, really, we think he just wants to know what the most popular Porn Sites are.  We’re not so sure we want the likes of Rep. King to see what we’re doing on our computers.  Although, we’re sure he’d get tired of watching hour after hour of Angry Birds and Candy Crush.

    “HEY!  CONGRESSMAN!  ANY IDEA HOW TO GET THROUGH LEVEL 7?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SEEING AS HOW THE ‘PALEO DIET’ IS DOING SO WELL, HERE IS A RECIPE FROM THE NEW ‘CRO MAGNON DIET’

    “How to Heat Ravioli in a Lava Flow”

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M-YX-r0Ll4

    Thursday
    Jul092015

    The Gronk Cruise

    6:03:12 A.M. –  The I-Man has stomach cramps.  He’s not sure why, and he’s not sure he can make it through the program, but, nevertheless, he has cramps.  We have an idea why, even though he’s always cranky so it’s hard to tell the difference. Although we can’t see him so we’re not sure if he’s also retaining water.  Perhaps some chocolate will help him get through it.

    HIS NIPPLES ARE ALSO VERY TENDER

    6:08:56 A.M. – The I-Man describes a photo on the cover of the Daily News of NY Giants Defensive End, Jason Pierre Paul, pointing in the air…accompanying a story that reports Paul had his right index finger amputated.  He still doesn’t have a contract.  And he might never be able to sign one.  He won’t be able to hold the pen.

    “WE ARE NUMBER…A HALF!”

    6:40:27 A.M. Author Peter Kiernan has been with us before, promoting his book ‘BECOMING CHINA’S BITCH’.  He’s on today to promote his new book ‘AMERICAN MOJO’.  This one focuses on, what Mr. Kiernan believes, is ‘America’s greatest challenge – and opportunity- restoring the middle class to its full promise and potential.’  We think it may have something to do with the middle class making the upper class ITS’ bitch.

    THE MIDDLE CLASS.  A LITTLE MOUTHY.

    7:05:37 A.M. – After Dr. Bill’s Weather Report, he has his usual difficulty pronouncing the word ‘Meteorologist’.  The I-Man wonders why the Good Doctor has a problem saying what he is.  Apparently, Imus has no problem referring to himself as “An asshole.”

     FROM AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ’12 STEP’ PROGRAM

    7:12:24 A.M. –  The Boss reports that today is Senator Lindsey Graham’s birthday, and he’s turned 60 years old.  Imus asks ‘Senator Graham’ if he will have something special popping out of his cake.  Probably not, but he might have something popping out of his pants.

    “…AND IT’S REALLY, REALLY TINY.”

    7:38:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  with Deirdre Imus, Alan Colmes, Bernard McGuirk, Gunz Gunzelman and, making his triumphant return, Curtis Sliwa.  The I-Man begins with a tirade about the Texas Motor Vehicle Department…who, when Zach and T-Money went to get an inspection and Texas plates for his Freightliner, they were told they would have to register the truck as a ‘Commercial Vehicle’.   “IT’S NOT A COMMERCIAL VEHICLE!” exclaims Imus.  Maybe he should take the ‘MyPillow’ Logo off it.

    THE I-MAN CAN’T USE A MYPILLOW AS A SEAT CUSHION.  BECAUSE IT MAKES HIS ASS FALL ASLEEP

    7:38:06 A.M. – Alan says that he’s going to take the High Road and say something positive about Donald Trump.  Here it is: Thanks to Trump, he’s proven that it’s not okay to make Racist Comments, as evidenced by the backlash from the Press and many of his Business Associations.  This, as you might imagine, gets Deirdre revved up, which will manifest itself in just a little bit…

    THE DEMON HAS AWOKEN…

    7:39:19 A.M. – …but first, we must hear from Curtis, who would like Gunz to be his ‘Maytag’, which is the new Urban Slang for ‘Prison Bitch’.  He is also incensed that the Womens’ World Cup Soccer Team Champions are getting a Tickertape Parade through the ‘Canyon of Heroes’ when there should be a parade for returning Iraqi Vets.  He’s not playing fair.  He’s supposed to be crazy.  Not talk sense.

    “I’M SORRY, BUBBA, BUT…I’M ALREADY SPOKEN FOR.”

    7:40:57 A.M. – Bernie hates Bernie Sanders.  We guess because he doesn’t want the name ‘Bernie’ to EVER be associated with ‘Socialism’

    “NOT SO FAST, THERE, YA COMMIE BASTID…”

    7:38:06 A.M. – …and NOW, finally, The Wrath of the D-Woman.  She is absolutely apoplectic over violence against women, in light of this video where a Manhattan Panera Manager waylaid a female employee, hot on the heels of a Florida State Football Player going all Ike Turner on a lady bar patron.  Even though she’s 1700 miles away, WE are scared $#!^less.

    BE AFRAID.  BE VERY AFRAID.

    7:38:06 A.M. –  Gunz barely has enough time to express his disgust with ‘Liberal Butt Crack Sniffers’.   Well then, he should have no problem with Curtis…because Gunz will be sniffing a Conservative Butt Crack.  “Now finish washing those T-Shirts and…that grilled cheese sandwich isn’t going to iron itself!

    CURTIS.  EXPLAINING THE RULES TO GUNZ

    8:05:09 A.M. – The I-Man reports that Deirdre went to the Supermarket and purchased 775 dollars worth of groceries.  Later that afternoon, Nephew Donnie and another of the cowboys from the Ranch in New Mexico, Perry, drove 13 hours to Brenham to bring some horses to the new ranch.  “Do you want to take them out to dinner?”  Deirdre asked.  “OUT to DINNER???  YOU JUST BOUGHT ALMOST 800 DOLLARS WORTH OF FOOD!”  The subtext to this statement, is, obviously, ‘You better get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots n’ pans.’   Something we’re pretty sure was not expressed in the Boss’  ‘Outside Voice’.

    THE KITCHEN PANTRY AT THE WILLOWS

    8:15:11 A.M. – Warner reports that Rob Gronkowski and his brothers are sponsoring a vacation cruise to ‘Gronk Island’ in the Bahamas.  As if a cruise wasn’t already a backed up toilet, listeria – laden nightmare, just wait until the Gronkowski family takes the helm.  3 days aboard the S.S.S.T.D.  will be exactly what you would expect, a Satyricon – Like Bacchanal, were the aromas of Hawaiian Tropic and Vomit will fill the air!  Come back with a tan, AND a prescription for Valtrex! 

    IT’S GONNA GET REAL, YO.

    8:40:09 A.M. – Hannah Storm phones in from England, where she is broadcasting Wimbledon for ESPN.  The I-Man breaks some bad news to Ms. Storm: Keith Olbermann is leaving ESPN.   She doesn’t seem all that broke up about it, to tell the truth, but IS surprised when the I-Man says that Keith is moving to Aljazeera to do the Camel Racing Reports.

    YOU INFIDEL!  DO NOT THROW PAPER AT CAMERA!

    8:43:16 A.M. – The conversation then turns to Jason Pierre-Paul, and, unlike us, she has some empathy for his losing battle with an M-80, having been the victim of an awful burn caused by an exploding gas grill.  It must be said that Hannah suffered her injury attempting to MAKE dinner…whereas Jason will have to use a special, custom fork to EAT dinner.

    YOU DON’T NEED AN INDEX FINGER FOR THIS ONE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    RON GRONKOWSKI’S ‘GRONK’ CRUISE

    WHERE SEASICKNESS WON’T BE THE WORST THING YOU’LL GET

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QSAXZd8vpU

    Wednesday
    Jul082015

    Have a Great Day!

    6:05:12 A.M. –  Dr. Bill Evans, at the end of his weather report, wishes everyone to ‘Have a Great Day!’   The I-Man takes exception to this, by observing that NOBODY is going to have a great day.  Most people are just trying to get to the time when it’s socially acceptable to start drinking.  They’re either fat, or alcoholics or addicted to drugs, or in a lousy marriage or hate where they work.  Wow.  Rob really ISN’T going to have a great day today.

    WE DON’T…THINK SO, SNOOPY.

    6:08:56 A.M. – Imus reports that, apparently, Jerry Weintraub didn’t need to die.  Somehow, the care he got in the hospital Santa Barbara was responsible for his death.  So the I-Man says that he’s told everyone that if anything should happen to him, he wants to be taken back to New York, and not treated in Texas.  Yah.   That’s a good idea.  Have a heart attack and then take a 3 hour plane ride back home. 

    “I’M SORRY MR. IMUS…TETERBORO IS BACKED UP…WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CIRCLE FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.”

    6:40:27 A.M. Dr. Arthur Turovets from the ‘Nuvo Fat Loss’ company, (Formerly NJ Diet) is on to discuss, among other things, why he changed the name of his outfit.  He says that it’s not just New Jersey any more.  It’s gone national.  He says that one of the secrets of the program is that there is a hormonal component to weight loss.  So…Caitlyn Jenner was…on a diet?

    THOSE HORMONES ARE A BITCH

    6:42:18 A.M. – Dr. Turovets says that the outfit provides 24/7 support, and that everyone who signs up for the Nuvo Fat Loss program gets his personal phone number.  Yeah, that’s what you want.  Some fat bastard calling you up at 2 o’clock in the morning from a Taco Bell Drive Thru screaming, “I’m F#@KING STARVING!”

    “HELLO?  DR. TUROVETS?  F%$# YOU, AND YOUR F%$#ING DIET!”

    7:05:10 A.M.  Warner reports that during the Serena Williams/Maria Sharapova match at Wimbledon, it will be a ‘Grunt’ Fest, as they are both known for Grunting as they hit shots during the match.  Warner says it like it’s a bad thing…that two hot women in short skirts in the heat…grunting.   Despite the fact that most men will be watching this match with their pants off.

    “YEAH…YOU GRUNT, MARIA.  GRUNT FOR ME.”

    7:16:32 A.M. –  The I-Man reports that Lis Wiehl can’t find a man. Are they hiding?  Where is she looking?  Ollie Ollie Oxenfree!   Come out, come out wherever you are.  Maybe that’s the problem.  Every time she gets involved with a guy…he ‘Comes Out’. 

    UNLUCKY IN LOVE?  MAYBE JUST FAULTY ‘GAYDAR’?

    7:20:46 A.M. – Warner is having a hard time pronouncing the names of the competitors at Wimbledon.  Stan Wawrinka, Varek Pospisil, Garbine Mugarusa…those he can say fine.  It’s Andy Murray that’s giving him the problem.  Maybe Dr. Bill should help him out with his elocution…you know…the Meteoyuvbhfgtrsfwqeds…  Metbmoplkzxsd…ah f*&k it.  The Weatherman.

    THAT’S THE PROBLEM.  WARNER’S DIPTHONG KEEPS GETTING IN THE WAY

    7:35:06 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE…or, as we like to call it, ‘Female Fight Club.’    There are rules involved with ‘Female Fight Club’:  1st Rule: You do not talk about Female Fight Club.  2nd Rule: You DO NOT talk about Female Fight Club.  3rd Rule: If Lis says “Stop” or goes limp, the Fight IS NOT OVER. 

    WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST

    7:38:16 A.M. – This week’s Battle begins with the question that’s on everybody’s mind:  “What’s the average age of the men Lis Wiehl dates?”   The answer?  Somewhere between very old and nearly dead.  She claims anywhere from 30 to 50 something.  Lis, just because a man helps you across the street doesn’t qualify as a ‘First Date’.  He’s probably just trying to get a merit badge. 

    “AREN’T YOU A NICE YOUNG MAN!  UM…WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER?” 

    7:40:08 A.M. – There’s talk about Trump, there’s talk about Cosby, and then the I-Man asks the 64 Thousand Dollar Question:   “Did you sleep with Bill O’Reilly?”  She’s horrified by the very notion…when in fact, if she did, she’d have to give HIM a Quaalude.   Which would then be the inspiration for her next book:  ‘Killing O’Reilly’

    WE’LL WAIT FOR THE MOVIE

    8:09:18 A.M. – Connell reports that Rosie Perez is leaving ‘The View’…a program which, obviously, has a problem with women named ‘Rosie’.   Perez says she’s leaving to ‘Pursue her acting career.’   She better put them Nikes on.  Cos’ it’s gonna be a helluva chase.  She can’t act her way INTO a paper bag. 

    YEAH.  IT COULD HAPPEN.

    8:31:11 A.M. – During Bernie’s Briefing, a cut of Former Model, (And Bad Plastic Surgery ‘After’ Picture) Janice Dickenson, she, herself, once a victim of a Bill Cosby Sexual Assault, expressing outrage over Whoopi Goldberg’s defense of him.   The ‘Innocent Until Proven Guilty’ take.   Janice calls Whoopi a “Stupid…Woman.”  The I-Man remarks that you can literally hear her start saying the ‘B’ in ‘Bitch’ before switching to a less inflammatory word.   Sorry.  Fewer Inflammatory Word.

    FORGET STUPID.  WE’RE NOT EVEN SURE SHE’S A WOMAN

    8:45:09 A.M. – Bill O’Reilly is on and the I-Man starts by telling him that he loves when O’Reilly is talking with someone he disagrees with, and is trying very hard to control his temper.   It’s amusing.  Bill has a new Children’s Book Version of ‘Killing Patton’ called ‘Hitler’s Last Days’   A Kids’ Book About Hitler?  Didn’t Dr. Seuss do that already?

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Amy Schumer, apparently having a harder time with men than Lis Wiehl:

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-hF0eHyz6I