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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

Let's Give 'Em Something to Buzz About: By Deirdre Imus, 8-23-2016 - There’s been a lot of buzz lately about honeybees, those quasi-nuisances that can send even the most stoic among us into a tailspin trying to avoid an encounter. And while a bee sting is undesirable, the pain you’ll feel then is nothing compared to the pain we’ll all feel – and soon – if we don’t do something to protect these sometimes petrifying pollinators. 

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Frances' Vegetable "Fried" Rice - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys.  I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients. Brown rice takes its name from the outer bran coating that is left intact rather than removed in milling, as it is in white rice.  Because of this, it is higher in fiber, vitamin B, and important minerals than white rice is.  It also takes a while longer to cook, but the delicious nutty flavor, as well as the additional nutritional value, make it worth the time.  The edamame in this dish also provides a good source of protein.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Anti-Inflammatory Eating Made Easy - by Dr. Oz, Michael Pollan, and Mark Bittman - With Anti-Inflammatory Eating Made Easy, eat as much as you want, lose weight, and heal your body. More and more people have become aware of the many benefits of an anti-inflammatory diet. Seattle nutritionist Michelle Babb has created an easy-to-follow nutrition plan and cookbook that helps readers combat inflammation with healthy recipes and food choices. Making dramatic lifestyle changes can be difficult, but the seventy-five recipes and nutrition plan in this book make that change approachable, understandable, sustainable, and delicious. Adopting an anti-inflammatory diet can help alleviate arthritis, type 2 diabetes, food allergies, skin conditions, weight gain, and many other symptoms of chronic inflammation.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Hope Solo suspended six months for 'cowards' remark at Olympics - U.S. Soccer suspended goalie Hope Solo from the U.S. women’s soccer team for six months for her divisive comments aimed at Sweden during the Rio Games, the organization announced Wednesday night.

Chargers pull offer to Bosa; rookie's reps fire back - Adam Schefter and the NFL Insiders discuss the Chargers releasing a statement regarding Joey Bosa's contract negotiations and what it means for both sides.

 

Conor McGregor favored to win over Eddie Alvarez, Jose Aldo and Nate Diaz - The third option is McGregor finishes out his trilogy with Diaz after their latest battle tied the series at one win a piece.

Dale Jr. to miss at least two additional races - Dale Earnhardt Jr. won't return to the seat of his Hendrick Motorsports car for at least another two weeks as he continues treatment for a concussion he suffered in June.

Recent Guests:
    Friday
    Jun262015

    Imus Free Friday

    6:03:12 A.M. –  It’s yet another ‘Imus Free Friday’.  To add to the misery, Connell is not here this morning either.  This is more than just leaving the keys to the asylum to the inmates.  This is sending a Cub Scout Troop over to Iraq to take out ISIS.

    ‘TOMMY’ IS WORKING ON HIS ‘ANTI-TERRORISM’ MERIT BADGE

    6:08:56 A.M. – Well, Bernie must be doing a good job, because the show is almost 10 minutes old, and there are no News Trucks outside, and we haven’t been escorted from the building by security.

    “SHUT ‘EM DOWN, GUYS…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN THIS MORNING’.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Tony and Warner discuss last night’s NBA Draft, and the Knicks procuring Kristaps Porzingis, which, as you might expect, Warner pronounces about as well as Dr. Bill does ‘Meteorologist’.   Those attending the Draft at the Barclay Center roundly booed the pick…but only because as much as they sucked last season, any time the word ‘Knicks’ is uttered, the crowd immediately erupts in Boos.

    “YO, KRISTAP, I KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE THESE IN LATVIA, BUT THE TOILETS ARE DOWN THIS WAY…MAKE A LEFT WHEN YOU GET TO THE LOCKER ROOM”

    6:40:27 A.M. Alan Colmes is the guest, and, you would think, One on One, it would be a bloodbath between Bernie…and the ‘Anti-Bernie’, Colmes.  They discuss the Supreme Court Decision to keep Obamacare.  Alan applauds the decision, of course, because he’s half a Commie and an Obama Buttboy.  Bernard, on the other hand…wants Medicine to return to its Golden Age.  When Doctors used leeches and Barbers were Dentists.

    “HEY!  I JUST CAME IN FOR A TRIM!”

    7:05:37 A.M.  More on the Escapees, as Noam Laden, filling in for Connell on News Duty, reports that, as we enter day 20 of the story, authorities STILL have no idea where they are.  Bernie suggests they call in the Navy Seals, although we think the NY State Police would be embarrassed to admit they need help finding two broke guys in the woods.

    “NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAH, YOU CAN’T FIND US!”

    7:39:06 A.M. – Author James Bradley has phoned in to promote his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE.   In talking about China with Mr. Bradley, Bernard keeps referring to ‘Mousey Dung’.   Turns out he means the Communist Dictator, and not Rodent Excrement.  Although you could, very well, make a case that Mao Tse Tung was ‘Mickey Mouse Sh#t’

    MICKEY GETS ‘GOOFY’ IN THE MEN’S ROOM AT DISNEYWORLD…AND ‘DROPS THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL’

    8:05:34 A.M. –  Noam Laden is…well, not Connell.  Noam is also not…let’s just say…the most CHARISMATIC person you’ve ever met.  He’s a sweetheart of a man, and does a good job but… We think his being so ‘mellow’, as well as his bloodshot eyes, indicate that he may be spending way too much time with Geraldo.

    “WHERE’S DAVE?”  “UM…DAVE’S NOT HERE, MAN…”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Our 8:30 Guest, Monica Crowley, is a No-Show.  Which means one of two things:  She went to the studios at Fox looking for us, or her Brother-In-Law, Alan Colmes, has her locked in a closet so she can’t refute anything he said in his interview earlier.  Or maybe, that mysterious ‘Fiancée’  of hers, finally swept her off her feet and took her to Paris to elope….nah…she’s locked in Alan’s closet.

    MONICA AND BERNARD THE LAST TIME HE INTERVIEWED HER

    9:11:44 A.M. –  The I-Man phones in to commend Bernie and Tony’s debate over Nuking ISIS.  He then says that the Ranch Hand who didn’t show up to work and texted him at 7:03, (even though he was supposed to be there at 7:00), and then says he emailed the Boss to tell him he wouldn’t be in “Before 7 A.M.” (which, was true, it was 6:59 when he sent it) will be sleeping in again this morning.  “You know what he’s doing today?”  asks Imus.  “Looking for a job.”   We can only hope that Imus sent the dude his pink slip at 7:05…after he got up early to make the trip over to Brenham.  “Good morning, sir.”  “Don’t ‘Good Morning’ me, Mother F#@$er.”

    OOPS!  SORRY, COWBOY, GUESS YOU DIDN’T GET SUCH A GOOD REFERENCE FROM THE I-MAN

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE KNOW WHY THE I-MAN WASN’T HERE TODAY.

    HE AND WYATT WERE GOING TO THE FIRST SHOWING OF

    ‘TED 2’

    AT THE BRENHAM MULTIPLEX

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eHufVyP2gE

    Thursday
    Jun252015

    Jesus Forgives Gunz, But Deirdre Won't

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Carly Simon is 70 today!  SEVENTY!  Happy Birthday, Grandma!  (She’s so vain she prob’ly thinks this post is about her…well…actually, it is.)

    CARLY DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR THE PAIN

    6:08:56 A.M. – Imus had a little bit of trouble with one of his Ranch hands yesterday morning.  The gentleman is supposed to open the gate at 7:00 A.M., but texted the Boss at 7:03 A.M. to tell him he wouldn’t be coming in to work.  When asked why he waited until that moment to inform the Boss about the absence, he informed Imus that “I emailed you before 7:00!”  A quick time stamp check reveals that the email was sent at 6:59 A.M.  Which, technically IS before 7:00.  The I-Man wonders “What kind of a day do you think he’s going to have today?”   Ohhhhhh…about as good as Gunz’s yesterday.

    “SORRY I WASN’T AT WORK YESTERDAY, MR. IMUS.  I WAS HELPING OUT

    OVER AT STUART VARNEY’S RANCH.”

    6:40:27 A.M. One of our favorite Defense Attorney’s Arthur Aidala is…engaged!  We will have to break the news gently to Carley Shimkus.  Just so she can rescind the Restraining Order.

    ARTHUR BACK ON THE DAY WHEN WE LEFT FOX

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man asks the Great Philosophical Question:   Why would anyone mess with him, knowing that he has a radio program, upon which he can ruin their lives and get some payback?  It’s a rhetorical question.  And a great mystery, akin to that of The Sphinx, Stonehenge, and why anybody thinks Conan O’Brien is funny.

    “YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THAT CLEOPATRA WAS A REAL PAIN IN THE ASP…”

    7:12:44 A.M. –  Connell reports that another prison employee has been arrested in connection with the Clinton Correctional Facility escape.  Apparently, the Guard, Gene Palmer, is accused of aiding and abetting the prisoners, by not checking the ground beef delivery coming into the prison.  He blames ‘Tilly the Tailor’, for putting the tools IN the meat.  This leads the I-Man to observe, that “Tilly was getting’ the meat…and GIVIN’ the meat.”   Incisive remark, Boss.  The best we could come up with about the Tools being smuggled in the meat, is that most men would consider their Meat IS the Tool.

    JON HAMM HAS QUITE A ‘HOG’  YOU CAN’T BEAT THAT MEAT

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  begins with…a vote.  The I-Man charges the panel with the responsibility of deciding Gunz’s fate:  Whether he should be suspended from the segment, or allowed to participate.  Bo votes ‘Yes’, as does Alan Colmes, Bernard and…of course…Gunz. The I-Man considers putting Gunzelman on probation.   But then, the opinion that REALLY matters weighs in.  “He needs to be punished.”  Deirdre is a fan of swift, cruel, justice.  She wants to put Gunz into a wooden stockade made of sustainable lumber, and no chemical treatment. 

    WHAT’S WORSE IS…HE’S NOT WEARING PANTS

    7:38:34 A.M. – Deirdre is happy that Ohio has instituted a ban on abortions after 20 weeks.  It’s a start towards the end of killing babies.  She has long been an avid, passionate and very vocal ‘Right To Life’ Advocate…wanting to make Abortion illegal in America once again.  Except in Gunz’s case, in which, she’s in favor of some procedures being retroactive.

    THE FUTURE #1 BESTSELLING NON-FICTION BOOK IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

    7:40:26 A.M. – Alan Colmes is upset that the Republicans ‘Can’t admit that the murders in Charleston were about Race, and not Anti-Christian persecution.’  Which is curious, as being Jewish, he is what you could technically call an ‘Anti-Christian’. One of the old Popes exonerated the Jews from blame for the Crucifixion of Jesus, in an effort to put an end to Anti-Semitism.  We don’t think the Jews were responsible for the death of Jesus.  We do think, however, that they sold the Romans the lumber.  And we’re sure it was from a sustainable source as it was pretty early on in Sawmill History.

    YOU WON’T FIND ANY AT LUMBER LIQUIDATORS

    7:41:18 A.M. – Bo is particularly fired up.  Even by the usual ‘Crazy Bo’ standards…he’s beyond the ‘Flabbergast-atated’, ‘Apoplectic-ization’ and ‘Enrage-a-ized’ levels.  He wants to know why the President was playing golf instead of rushing to Charleston immediately following the tragedy.   Nobody wants to tell Bo that the President will be giving the Eulogy at the funeral of the pastor who was killed, except, of course, for Alan.  Who, not only will NEVER eat a Rao’s, he might never even eat solid food again, if Bo has his way.  For Alan’s defense of Obama, Bo labels him a ‘Liberal Penis Licker’.  Which, we’re not sure refers to his political leanings, or how thoroughly he performs the favor.

    ALAN COLMES ‘LIBERALLY’ ENJOYING LICKING ON A SUCKER

    7:43:48 A.M. – Bernard is tired of Democrats blaming Republicans for the Confederate Flag controversy, as he notes, it was Southern Dems who brought the Stars n’ Bars back into prominence in the first place.  He notes that Hillary, back when she her husband was Governor of Arkansas, refused to denounce the Confederate Flag flying over the State House.  We tend to cut her some slack, as we believe she could have been oblivious to the fact that the Confederacy was being honored on State Property, as she was pretty oblivious to the fact that her husband was getting his Flagpole honored with a vigorous polishing by a certain White House intern.

    PRIVATE CLETUS MCGUIRK, 77TH REGIMENT CONFEDERATE ARMY 

    ONE OF BERNIE’S ANCESTORS WHO WOULD DISAGREE WITH HIS POSITION ON THE FLYING OF THE FLAG

    7:45:08 A.M. – There’s almost no time for Gunz to weigh in on what’s on his mind today…but he manages to get out the statement that he can’t get the image of Alan Colmes, Liberally Licking on a Penis, out of his head. That, we believe, should be his punishment.

    GUNZ ENVISIONS ALAN LICKING UP ON HIM

    8:03:04 A.M. –  Dr. Bill Evans reveals his height and weight as 5’10” 168 pounds, and is proud of his physical fitness, as he’s run the New York Marathon several times.  Imus asks him what his best time was, and Dr. Bill reports that…well, let’s just say it was over four hours.  Deirdre is horrified, and asks him if he was walking his dog while he ran the course.  Apparently, she ran the New York Marathon twice, both times a little over three hours.  She was, after all a Villanova Track Star.  Not some out of shape, mouth breathing dweeb who, despite the fact that he IS a meteorologist, cannot pronounce the word.

    DR. BILL AND HIS TRUSTY POOCH

    THE 2008 NEW YORK CITY MARATHON, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2ND

    THEY CROSSED THE FINISH LINE SOMETIME IN EARLY JANUARY 2009

    8:10:20 A.M. – The I-Man is overcome with mercy and magnanimously decides to forgive Gunz for his disloyal transgression.  Deirdre, however…not so much.  She says  ‘God may forgive you but I don’t, Jesus may love you but I won’t.’  Which then, prompts the I-Man to correct her for getting the lyrics wrong.   What was he thinking?  He has to be with her for the rest of the day…which will only add to Jesus’ already overbooked forgiveness schedule.

    JESUS FORGIVES GUNZ…BUT DEIRDRE WON’T

    8:35:09 A.M. –  The next President of the United States, Donald Trump is the guest, calling in from his incredible office, located in one of his most amazing buildings, on the best phone in the world.  He says he has already built a structure on Connecticut Avenue, mere blocks from the White House, and it is the Greatest Building in all D.C. shaming even the Presidential Residence.  It was constructed using the finest tools and materials, by the most brilliant, gifted artisans in the world.   We think they may even be Mexicans.  But if they are, they are the very best that country has to offer.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Birthday Girl, Carly Simon

      

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13oJajXx0M

    YOU’RE SO VAIN?

    Or

    Varicose Veins?

    Wednesday
    Jun242015

    The Mike Breen

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Imus watched the O’Reilly Factor last night, and was delighted to see guest Kirsten Powers ‘Get Into It’ with Bill over the topic of slavery.  The segment degenerated into a name-calling, schoolyard brawl, culminating in Ms. Powers asking O’Reilly if he had any Black Friends.  As a matter of fact, he does.  Many of them.   For example, Juan Williams…and um…Juan Williams...um…

    EBONY & IVORY AT THE PISTOL RANGE

    6:08:56 A.M. –  Gunz is in the hot seat this morning, because he didn’t ask Stuart Varney about his Adultery, even when he had the perfect opportunity to do so, as he was on to discuss Tom Brady cheating in the NFL playoff game against the Colts.  Just another case of shrunken balls.  Brady’s deflated Footballs, and Gunz’s itty bitty nearly non-existent ones.

    CONDOLEEZA RICE TESTIFYING BEFORE A SENATE COMMITTEE ON TESTICLE SIZE, TELLS THE CHAIRMAN WHAT SHE KNOWS TO BE TRUE…

    6:15:44 A.M. – The Boss mentions that he saw Blonde on Blonde panelist, Lis Wiehl, on TV last night and she “Looked like she’d been stung by 100 bees.”   The concerned I-Man said her face was “All Puffy”.  Maybe she’s just retaining water, because women tend to do that when they get their….um…no, it’s not that.

     

    WE DON’T KNOW WHAT IMUS IS TALKING ABOUT SHE LOOKS FINE

    6:17:12 A.M. – The I-Man commands Connell to do the news, while he goes to get himself some coffee from across the room there in his Texas Studio.  Approximately a 20 yard walk.  Set the sundial.  Pack a lunch.  This could be awhile.

    WHEN HE LEFT (A)  AND WHEN HE WILL RETURN (B)

    6:40:27 A.M. Mike Breen, one of our MOST FAVORITE people on the planet, phones in and he starts his segment by telling the I-Man “I miss you…so much.”   Really?  What about him does he miss?  The hair trigger temper, the endless repetition of lines, stories and complaints?  The obsessing over minutiae?  We’re worried about Breen.  We think this last, hideously embarrassing season with the Knicks has pushed him over the edge.    

    IT WOULD DRIVE ANY MAN OVER THE EDGE

    6:45:10 A.M. – Breen comments on the remoteness of the Imus Ranch in Brenham, and asks  “If Deirdre and Wyatt actually go through with what they’ve been planning for a long long time, how long would it take to find the body?”  Well, Mike…probably an even longer time.  Almost as long as it currently takes him to climb a flight of stairs.

    7:05:10 A.M.  The I-Man gets into one of his famous ‘Mental Patient Coughing Fits’.  He has his mike off for what seems like an eternity.  After the Breen interview, we can’t help but anticipate what might be a sudden paroxysm of joy, and are just about to order the cake and tap the keg, when he comes back on the air.  Oh snap.   No coffin.  Just coughin’.

    LOOK OUT!  HERE COMES A LUNG!

    7:15:37 A.M.  Warner reports that Rob Gronkowski of the Patriots says he hasn’t spent a penny of his 16 Million Dollar NFL Salary, living off his endorsements for Body Armour Sports drink and…Dunkin Donuts.  Ironically, his former teammate, 360 pound Vince Wilfork has lived off Dunkin’ Donuts for years.

    “I DON’T CARE ABOUT BRADY…ALL I CARE IS

    NOBODY TOUCHES MY DAMN DONUTS”

    7:37:14 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE , or, as we like to call it, “Why Does Lis Look Like a Bobblehead Doll?” 

    CURRENTLY GOING FOR ABOUT $350 ON EBAY

    7:45:16 A.M. – The conversation begins with a discussion about ‘Forgiveness’, and whether either of them would forgive Dylann Roof as quickly as the Parishioners of the Emmanuel AME church in Charleston.  Deirdre says that she’d like to think that she would be able to, as it’s the Christian thing to do, while Lis would opt for Revenge by employing some Vigilante Justice. Which prompts Deirdre to say things to Lis, and Lis to Deirdre that neither would be able to forgive.

    THE WISDOM OF THE SAGES

    7:47:16 A.M. – The Boss then steers the ladies toward a discussion about a controversial movement where women #LIVETWEETYOURPERIOD on Twitter, sharing their feelings about their Menstrual Cycles.  (Which Gunz thinks are similar to those Vespa Scooters)  They were asked if they have any mood changes and get psychotic when ‘Aunt Flo’ arrives for her monthly visit.  Deirdre admits she does.  The Question is…HOW CAN YOU TELL?  However, Lis claims that her mood doesn’t change at all, because she’s grumpy all the time, which is not true, it’s because she can’t remember the last time she had a period.

    NOW THE ONLY THE ONLY TIME THE LOVELY LACTOSE INTOLERANT LADY GETS CRAMPS IS WHEN SHE HAS DAIRY

    8:05:34 A.M. – The I-Man continues to attack Varney, dropping Napalm on the British TV host like the Tet Offensive, and Gunz is still taking collateral damage.  What Gunz doesn’t realize is, this firefight is going to go on longer than the Vietnam War.  The I-Man NEVER forgets. 

    BETTER KEEP THAT HELMET ON FOR A FEW YEARS, GUNZ.  IT’S NOT GOING TO GET MUCH BETTER

    8:15:11 A.M. – Warner reports that, of all the Major League Baseball Teams, Mets’ Fans are the WORST at spelling and Grammar.  When asked to comment, Mets Uber Fanatic, Nat Candido, says “Come on, bro, your exaggerading, there are less people who can spell at Yankees Stadium, because that’s a place where I have one time been in.”

     

    THE 1986 METS TEAM BANNER

    8:39:43 A.M. – Professor Douglas Brinkley phones in and is on his way to Monument Valley with his kids, and the I-Man says “I bet you I’ve been in Monument Valley 50 times…Deirdre and I got married in Monument Valley.”   Don’t you hate it when you tell someone about a trip you’re taking and they immediately make it about them?   How dare Brinkley talk about HIS Southwestern Sojourn?

    MONUMENT VALLEY – AND THE ‘RIGHT MITTEN’ THAT HAS CHANGED SOMEWHAT EVER SINCE THE I-MAN’S VISIT. 

    (APPARENTLY, THEY WANT HIM TO KNOW THEY THINK HE’S ‘NUMBER ONE’)

    8:42:24 A.M. – Professor Brinkley discusses the Confederate Flag Controversy, and tells us that he was recently in Charleston, where he experienced an outpouring of genuine kindness, brotherhood…and love, in the wake of the tragedy there.   The I-Man has received the same kind of feeling in the cities he’s visited, the only difference is, they show their welcome…as he’s leaving…while showing him that, not unlike Monument Valley, they also think he’s ‘Number One’.

    “Whatever happens, Mr. Imus, I will love you just as I do now until I die.” 

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE

    MIKE BREEN

    FILM FESTIVAL

    HIS OEUVRE OF ESPN PROMOS

     

    A CELEBRATION OF, NOT ONLY HOW F#$@*ING FUNNY HE IS,

    BUT WHY HE’S ONE OF THE MOST WELL-LOVED FIGURES

     IN THE BUSINESS

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjO5QiWAmoU

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66GYJafQvNY 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpp7c7xhNhQ 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkt25QM4Ovc 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTIrHx7F_7I 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2esxxp-ibA 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YzNWifdyfs 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucElMUDYnvc

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK_ucK8yIgo

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26JMGueZczI

     

    Tuesday
    Jun232015

    The I-Man is Watching the Women's World Cup

    6:03:12 A.M. – The program begins with Imus revealing that he’s watching The World Cup of Women’s Soccer.  Not surprising for a man who, is so desperate for Sports on TV, will actually get emotionally involved in the weighing of fish at a Bass Tournament.  He says he loves ‘Han Solo’.  Um…Hope Solo.   Yah.  He’s a BIG fan.

    ‘HAN’ SOLO, BEATING UP ON PRINCESS LEIA AND CHEWBACCA

    6:08:56 A.M. – As Warner is not following the sport, Connell has taken the position as ‘Point Man’ for the I-Man, as his daughter, Lucy, is a State Champion Soccer Player.  She has not, as of yet, been able to make her parents any money, but she’s still just a ‘Tween’.   There’s plenty of time for her to get good enough before she turns 13, and Connell can strap on the Yoke and send her out on the Junior Pro Tour.

     “HEY!  KID!  YOU KNOW THAT UNIFORM DOESN’T PAY FOR ITSELF!”

    6:15:44 A.M. – The Boss reveals that he plans to use his family in ‘Psychos’ today because…they’re out there with him.  Which suggests that the fact that they are both Psychos themselves wasn’t a factor.  Although, that ranch is looking more and more like the Branch Davidian Compound by the day…

    MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE TEXAS WATER

    6:40:27 A.M. Fox News Fox, Martha McCallum, is on to discuss the Confederate Flag, and the President dropping the ‘N’ bomb and the escaped prisoners.  Her opinions, respectively, ‘Against’, ‘Against’ and she doesn’t know where they are either.   We learn that she is a big Eminem fan, as one of her five favorite songs is ‘Lose Yourself’ from the ‘8Mile’ Soundtrack.  We have a hard time imagining Martha McCallum with her hat to the side, riding around, on three wheels, in her 64 Impala with the Top Down.

    EMINEM AND…WELL, EMMINEM…

    MARSHALL MATHERS AND MARTHA MACCALLUM

    7:03:37 A.M.  Metrbvsxhbwtyzogist, Dr. Bill Evans, attempts to engage the Boss in some ‘Comedic’ Banter, asking whether or not the I-Man had a chance to return his Fathers’ Day gift, which, Dr. Bill surmises, was a calf or a longhorn steer.  Imus says he DIDN’T return his gift, because Wyatt gave him a ‘Parking Space’ so there’s ‘No Hassle’.   Oh snap.  The I-Man, ‘Keeping His Pimp Hand Strong’, bringing the Smackdown to Isobar Boy.

     DR. BILL AND HIS LAWYER ON THE WAY TO THE PARKING LOT TO NEGOTIATE THE FEE

    7:05:10 A.M.  Warner Reports that there is new evidence to suggest that Pete Rose may have been gambling while he was playing.   Imus says that’s still not reason to keep him out of the Hall of Fame.  He should be prevented from being included at Cooperstown for dying his hair and wearing the hideous haircut.

    JOHN, GEORGE, PAUL…AND PETE

    7:15:37 A.M.  Warner continues, telling us that 42 Year Old Oscar De La Hoya is considering a comeback, prompting the I-Man to observe “The last time we saw that boy he was rocking a pair of panty hose.”  We’re not sure where he will be making his comeback.  Considering the silk stockings and the popularity of Caitlyn Jenner, he may very well begin a career in the Women’s MMA, and take on Ronda Rousey.

     APPARENTLY, FISHNETS ARE PART OF HIS TRAINING REGIMEN…YEAH, HE’S READY FOR A COMEBACK, ALRIGHT

    7:35:06 A.M. PSYCHOS  featuring the aforementioned Wyatt and Deirdre Imus, Bernie, and, returning live, to the broadcast studio, Bo Dietl, who, by comparison, make the other three look like they’re Mormon Librarians.  Bo’s not a fan of Hillary Clinton, and has used his Detective Skills to prove that her resume’ is a sham…all of her accomplishments are her husband’s.  Not hers. Except, of course for killing Vince Foster.    But, surprisingly, that one’s not on the resume’. 

    IT IS NOW…

    7:37:26 A.M. – Deirdre is pretty worked up over the I-Man and Wyatt both cutting her off when she’s trying to speak, which promptly, results in her husband cutting her off…Saying:  “Come up with something else so we don’t have to listen to this on the radio.”  Oh no he di-int.  Now he’s going to have to listen to it for the rest of the day...actually, the rest of the week…oh, who are we kidding?  This will go on for an effing MONTH.

    7:40:09 A.M. –  Bernie, as he mentioned the other day, is SICK of boxing.  The fights suck, and it’s a snoozefest.  He has moved over to the UFC, where, Fabricio Werdum is the current Heavyweight Champion.  He’s one Big, Beefy Brazilian.  We can see why Bernie is so fond of Ultimate Fighting.

    FABRICIO LOVES HIMS SOME ‘MY LITTLE PONY’

    7:44:45 A.M. -  The Wy-Man is fed up with adults who feel the need to explain things…correcting EVERYTHING.  Like, when you pick up a coffee cup, they say ‘Be careful, you should hold that on the bottom so it doesn’t spill.’  These are the same people who also blame everything on the other person…throw an uncatchable ball and then claim ‘You shoulda dove for it.’  

     “COME ON, DENNIS…YOU SHOULDA HAD THAT!  IT WAS RIGHT ATCHA!”

    8:07:34 A.M. – Gunz has sent an email to the I-Man, which the I-Man then reads on the air.  It’s a request for permission to appear on the Stuart Varney program on Fox Business.  DOESN’T THIS MORON LISTEN TO THE EFFING PROGRAM?    He’s in the SAME ROOM!  What part of ‘He’s an awful dirtbag…a reprehensible human being, the worst person I have ever met’ left room for any ambiguity?  Ostensibly, Varney wants the ‘Millenials’ perspective on Tom Brady’s ‘Deflate-Gate’ mess, which makes us wonder…just how far down on the list did Varney have to go before he got to Gunz?  What happened?  Carrot Top wasn’t returning Stuart’s calls? 

    WOULD YOU APPEAR ON THIS MAN’S PROGRAM?

    8:15:11 A.M. – The I-Man asks Connell about the ratings over at Fox Business, where Mr. McShane is currently still appearing, and the answer is a Ralph Kramden style ‘Homina Homina’.  Porky Pig didn’t stutter that much.  Connell is hesitant to report that the current morning show on FBN that the ratings are down…slightly.  Like not even the people in the Fox Control Room are watching.

    INSIDE VARNEY’S FOX CONTROL ROOM THE DIRECTOR WATCHES THE ‘POMPOUS LIMEY PROGRAM’ HE REALLY  LIKES

    8:39:43 A.M. – Senator John ‘Wayne’ McCain is on, and the I-Man begins the interview by asking the Senator if he listens to the voicemail messages he leaves.  The American Hero says that he does, but the fact that he did not let loose a string of obscenities directed at the Boss would indicate that he does not.

    AND THEY’RE ALL FROM IMUS

    8:45:09 A.M. – The two men discuss the Confederate Flag and Senator McCain says there is no place for it.  The interview concludes with a discussion of the current crop of Republican Candidates for President. Imus asks him about Trump, leading McCain to say “I wonder what’s going to happen if he does an outdoor appearance on a windy day?”  “You didn’t just make a ‘hair joke’, did you?” Imus says incredulously.  Um..yeah, he did, Boss.  But WE’RE not going to take him to task for it.

    WE CAN’T BLAME THE SENATOR.  THAT SH*T’S CRAZY

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Based on this video…

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyn1NhnQXyA

     

    We’re not sure why Soccer isn’t much BIGGER

     In the U.S.

    Monday
    Jun222015

    From Connell to Connie

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Connell is not here.  According to the I-Man, he is getting his Adam’s Apple shaved, suggesting that Mr. McShane may be beginning a journey to become ‘Connie’. 

    FROM HANDSOME MAN TO DAMN HANDSOME WOMAN

    6:08:56 A.M. – The Imus went to the Grocery Store Yesterday, and it took Deirdre, Wyatt and Zach an hour and a half to come out. While waiting for them in the car, he observed the real, true Freak Parade of morbidly obese Texans going in, and coming out with overflowing carts.  However, even THEY come out before Deirdre and the Boys.  Perhaps it’s because they don’t read as many labels as Mrs. Imus.  But that’s not the headline.  The headline is He says that he actually ‘Feels Bad’ for the Fat People… 

    Um…

    What?

     

    He’s not even a month in Texas and HE FEELS SORRY FOR FAT PEOPLE? 

    This is surely a sign that the Apocalypse is nigh.

    6:36:55 A.M. – The I-Man relates a story about an incident that easily could have escalated into a Branch Davidian/ Waco style disaster.  He mentions the folks who live in a Ranch next to him, who he maintains are ‘Right out of Deliverance’…and believes that the disappearance of three of his roping calves has to do with their being poached by said Goober Neighbors.  We assume he believed that the Wayward Veal were going to be used as…um… ‘Dates’ for the gentleman next door.  Fortunately, within two days, the calves returned to the barn.

    DAVID KORESH (L) THE REVEREND BILL SOL HARGIS (R)

    SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

    6:43:27 A.M.  Bo Dietl has phoned in for his weekly appearance, and commends the I-Man on his reserved behavior concerning ‘Calf-Gate’.  He maintains that the I-Man usually “Pre-Ejaculatates more faster” than he should.  At least we THINK he means the thing with the missing baby cows.  Because it wouldn’t be too far from the truth if he was…um…never mind.

    “IT’S OKAY, HONEY, IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF COWS SOMETIMES.  NO USE CRYING OVER ‘SPILLED MILK’

    7:15:37 A.M. – There is a news story about a Toyota Executive who brought some contraband narcotics into Japan.  Apparently, she was hiding a bunch of Oxycodone under a box in her luggage that read ‘Necklaces’.  Bernard is not sure what the Brand Name for the pills is…and is wavering between Oxycodone and what Rush Limbaugh takes as Vitamins, Oxycontin.  “That’s Vicodin” the I-Man says.   Or, more accurately, ‘Excitedly Yells’…like a little boy running down the stairs on Christmas Morning. 

    “YAAAAAAY!  F@CK THOSE LEGOS!  SANTA BROUGHT JUST WHAT I WANTED!”

    7:26:44 A.M. –  Imus says that he has a self-portrait of Kurt Vonnegut hanging in his studio there in Texas, given to him by the author a number of years ago.   

    AUTOGRAPHED KURT VONNEGUT SELF-PORTRAIT

     AUTOGRAPHED DON IMUS SELF-PORTRAIT

    (WE HOPE THAT’S A MICROPHONE)

    7:40:16 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  featuring Nat Candido, Lou Rufino, Warner Wolf, Tony Powell and the I-Man.  It starts off with a question about Tiger Woods’ not making the cut for the US Open…the panel has mixed feelings about him, although Tony believes he needs spend a night with some Big Ol’ Fat Denny’s Waitress, who smells like French Toast and Bacon, to get his groove back.  The boy ain’t been right since his old lady went upside his head with a 9 Iron. 

    “NO…OW!  REALLY, I SWEAR, HONEY!  SHE’S ONLY A…OW!...FRIEND…OW!”

    “HEY TIGER…WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY ‘MOON OVER MY HAMMY’?”

    7:42:58 A.M. – They also discuss A-Rod’s 3000th hit and the ‘Douche’ who caught the ball and refuses to give it back.  Apparently, he’s a ‘Professional Ball Catcher’…which we always thought was a Euphemism for ‘Male Broadway Tap Dancer’.

    INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, DURING THE SAME GAME,

    THE “PROFESSIONAL BALL CATCHER” ALSO CAUGHT THE BABY

    8:05:10 A.M. – Wyatt is in the studio with his father, and he relates his version of the ‘Missing Calf Raid’.  Apparently, Wyatt was faced with a ‘Sophie’s Choice’ of sorts:  Either beating up his elderly, chromosome damaged neighbor, or following the demands of his elderly chromosome damaged father. Fortunately, the calves return precluded either of those scenarios.  Although we tend to think the Wy-Man would’ve had the utmost love, respect and sympathy…for his neighbor.

    “NOSSIR MR. WYMUS…THEM LIL’ DOGGIES IS OURN…I KIN TELL…THAT ONE THERE STILL HAS THE ENGAGEMENT RING WHAT I GIVE HER.”

    8:20:40 A.M. – The Boss asks us if we “Want to hear a terrible story.”   Um…no.  But we know you’re going to tell us anyway.  Seems as if this Horse-Shoer, Charlie Thomas who provides the ‘Hoof Wear’ for the Imus roping horses, had a rather bittersweet tale of he and his wife of years and their weekly ritual of buying Lottery Tickets.  She would always remark that they had a better chance of being struck by lightning than winning the Jackpot.  Well…as luck and irony would have it, she…well...did.  Get hit by lightning that is.  Which prompted Charlie to come to the conclusion that he’s going to win the Big One now.  Which, actually, is a Win/Win, as not only is the Shoer a Shoe-In to Strike it Rich…(Um…maybe ‘strike’ is a poor choice of words) but he doesn’t have to split the money now.

    “HEY HONEY?  HOW YOU MAKING OUT WITH THAT SCRATCH OFF TICKET?  HONEY?  HONEY?”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Christopher, ‘Mad Dog’ Russo, from Sirius XM’s ‘Mad Dog Radio’ phones in to provide his incisive, insightful and measured remarks about the Current Sports Stories.   By ‘Measured’, we mean about 2 Liters of Crazy and a Tablespoon of Insane.  Mad Dog has some harsh words for the Professional Ball Catcher who is currently in possession of A-Rod’s 3000th Hit Ball.  It appears that the irony of his taking umbrage at someone who profits from the Athletic Endeavors of others…is lost on the Dog.  Not to say that catching a ball in the stands and refusing to give it up is the same as being a Sportscaster…because being a Sportscaster…you have much better seats, so your chances of actually CATCHING a Home Run Ball are very limited.  We’re actually surprised.  We would’ve thought Russo would’ve cut the ‘Ball Catcher’ some slack.  You know, Professional Courtesy.

    A YOUNG CHRIS RUSSO AT A YANKEES GAME:  “EWWWW EWWWW! DON’T LET THAT BALL HIT ME IN THE FACE…I’M GOING TO BE A TV STAR!”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    “FRONTIER JUSTICE” ACCORDING TO SETH MCFARLANE

    (WE’RE CERTAINLY HAPPY THINGS DIDN’T GET THIS FAR

    DOWN THERE IN BRENHAM)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZmcEj9buPU