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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

 


Are We There Yet? By Deirdre Imus - The saying goes that with little kids you take trips, not vacations. A vacation is relaxing; a getaway involving children is usually anything but. Taking a trip therefore requires acknowledging that it’s no longer about what the adults want to do (occupy a lounge chair on a beach for three days straight, stroll through a museum, window-shop in Paris), but must include activities geared toward youngsters.  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Summer Cool Fruit Salad - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients.  There's nothing more refreshing - or good for you - than a bowl of sweet, ripe fruit. This one is as pretty as it is satisfying to eat. If all the fruits aren't available or there are others you prefer, let your imagination inspire your own substitutions.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: DImusCenter@HackensackUMC.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Johnny Manziel Suspended Four Games by NFL - The Cubs' seventh-inning debacle Thursday night might test the patience of President Theo Epstein in his quest to improve the pitching staff.

Cubs' Bullpen Woes Resurface in Loss to Mets - Joel Peralta, the latest addition, allowed a walk and a hit that set up the tying and go-ahead runs in the seventh inning of a 4-3 loss to the Mets.

Jays Lose To Indians - Dickey allowed three runs and eight hits in seven innings in the Toronto Blue Jays' 4-1 loss to the Cleveland Indians on Thursday night.

William McGirt shoots 6 under to lead by 3 at Bridgestone Invitational -  Golf in Ohio must bring out the best in William McGirt. One month after his first PGA Tour victory at the Memorial, McGirt looked just as good two hours up the road at the Bridgestone Invitational.


Recent Guests:
    Friday
    May012015

    Separated at Birth

    6:05:06 a.m. –    The I-Man begins the morning with the observation that Birds… never shut up.  He believes they might have some form of Avian Tourette’s Syndrome,  Rockin’ in the tree tops all day long, Hoppin’ and Boppin’ and singin’ this song: “Tweedily tweedily F#@^…tweedily muthaf#*er, Tweedily tweedily $#!+…Tweedily Bull$&^*, c@#*sucker...”

    ROBIN TROWER

    6:15:34  a.m. –  Warner reports on the NFL Draft, and says that Shane Ray the Number One Linebacker, from Missouri was supposed to go in the eighth round…um…Warner?  There’s no eighth round.  He went number 23rd in the first round.  Anybody who goes in the eighth round has to wait until next year’s draft.  Which will then be the first round.  We hope we’re not confusing you any further.

    YOU CAN’T GET ONE OF THESE AND A ‘HOT DOG-EE’ AT A GIANT’S GAME, WARNER

    6:17:14 a.m. –  Dagen reports that women who don’t like going to Hooters because they prefer not getting some Bimbo’s Fake, ‘ Tig Ol’ Bitties’ shoved in their faces while they’re trying to enjoy chicken wings, now have an alternative Sports Bar in Dallas Texas, called ‘Tallywackers’, which will feature hunky mens to wait on the more than willing women. 

    DAGEN CAMPED OUT IN FRONT OF THIS BILLBOARD FOR THREE DAYS

    6:40:28 a.m. –  VINNIE FROM QUEENS, or, as we like to call it, “A  Coupla Guys Sitting Around Correcting Warner”.   The guys discuss last night’s NFL Draft, where Warner maintains that there were no surprises.  Other than, of course, Leonard Williams slipping to the New York Jets at no. 6, and  Running Back Todd Gurley going at number 10 to the Rams.  Not to mention Marcus Peters showing up at Draft Park in Chicago clad in a teal, off the shoulder, satin gown.

    WE HAVE TO SAY, THIS WAS, INDEED,  THE BIGGEST  SURPRISE OF THE NIGHT…

    7:10:20 a.m. –  The I-Man gives a shout out to Geoffrey D’Aries, his UBER-FAN, (And by that, we don’t mean he is a Private Car Service Enthusiast) who, somehow, thought he was the victim of Imus being Angry with him.  NOTHING could be further from the truth, the Boss LOVES Geoffrey, as do we all.  He’s a courageous, charming and funny young man who suffers from a debilitating condition, but the I-Man is not sure what it is, because, obviously, that’s not how he defines his little friend.  So he asks Rob “What does Geoffrey have?”, to which, Rob replies, he doesn’t really know, which irritates the Boss to no end.  We suggest he ask Jeffrey himself.  “Hey, Numbnuts, what’s your problem?  What?   What?   I…can’t….WHAT?   I can’t hear what he said.  Rob, tell me what Geoffrey said or I’ll stab Tony.”     We don’t know what Jeffrey has.  But we know what YOU have.   

    OUR FRIEND GEOFFREY D’ARIES.

     HOW COULD YOU EVER POSSIBLY  BE MAD AT THIS FACE?

    7:38:18 a.m. –  HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or as we like to call it, ‘Four Ladies and a Cowboy Screaming About Show Business.   Imogen Lloyd Webber starts the ball rolling with her disgust at the Tony snub of Broadway’s ‘Finding Neverland’, the musical version of the film of the same name, about J.M. Barrie, the author of the ‘Peter Pan’ story.  Riedel is actually happy that the show didn’t get ONE Nomination. He HATED the show.  Probably because it cut too close to home for him.

    THE BOY WHO WILL NEVER GROW UP

    7:39:10 a.m. –  Deirdre says that Tim McGraw is her ‘Ideal Man’…well, actually she says that the I-Man is her I-DEAL man…but that he and Tim have much in common.  Um…they both wear cowboy hats?   They both are married to Blonde women?  She says Tim looks H.O.T. Dreamy…because he’s eschewed cheeseburgers for Kale Salad.  Which, of course, the I-Man has also done, however, unfortunately, the evidence of the healthier diet looks…a little different on Mr. McGraw than it does Mr. Imus.  Dagen and Imogen chime in with the information that they also find Tug McGraw’s illegitimate son somewhat…fetching.   We’re not sure what Riedel thinks.  

    SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

    7:41:57 a.m. –  Dagen is not interested in seeing the New Avengers movie sitting between two ‘Nats’, without jobs OR girlfriends.   First of all, Dagen, you’d be quite warm and comfortable wrapped in the tender, yet hirsute, bosoms of Mr. Candido.  Who HAS a girlfriend, by the way.  A lovely, beautiful young lady, whose only fault is her poor taste in men.  If you wanted an example of someone who is CELIBATE, then GUNZ should’ve been your point of reference.

    AVENGERS…ASSEMBLY REQUIRED

    7:43:57 a.m. –  Riedel takes issue with David Letterman’s recent statement that CBS should have fired him back when the incident with the intern happened.  Now, that Dave is retiring on May 20th.  “Thanks for nothing”, is Riedel’s take on the matter.  We have a take on Riedel, which involves a ‘Top Five’ List.  ‘The Top Five More Interesting People to Talk To Than Michael Riedel.’  Number Five: ‘Marcel Marceau’…Number Four:  ‘The Falafel Guy on 48th and 6th’ …Number Three: ‘Marlee Maitlin’…Number Two:  ‘Siri’ …AND the number one more interesting person to talk to than Michael Riedel… ‘Gunz Gunzelman’.  Which is incredibly ironic, as  NOBODY wants to talk to him.

    “I’M SORRY, I  CAN’T CONTINUE…GET RID OF THIS KID…HE’S THE LEAST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE WORLD”

    8:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man sends a very special ‘Shout Out’ to Senator John McCain, who came up big time, helping the I-Man with an issue the I-Man was dealing with…which then prompts the I-Man to retract all the hideous things he said about the Hero Senator last week, when he couldn’t get him on the phone.   No worries I-Man.  You should hear the hideous things Senator McCain was saying about you in the Capitol Locker-room. 

      SENATOR McCAIN DOES HIS ‘ANGRY POPEYE’ IMPRESSION

    “YOU TELL THAT &*^%$#^&@!   I SAID TO STOP CALLING!”

    8:10:20 a.m. –  Connell asks Imus if we can come over to the CPW Penthouse Imus in the Morning World Headquarters to watch the middle rounds of the NFL Draft.  He answers that he won’t be there, he will be in Texas.  Well, why did you think Connell was asking if we could come over in the first place?  BECAUSE YOU WOULDN’T BE THERE!  We’d be out on the terrace grilling burgers and swilling brewskis, after six of which, we’d need to pee off the roof, causing people to think you hadn’t left yet.

    “HEY NAT!  FIND OUT WHO WANTS BACON CHEESEBURGERS!”

    8:20:32 a.m. –  Imus reports that there are some ‘Deer Blinds’ on his Ranch in Brenham, and is going to have them removed, as they conflict with his philosophy about hunting, which is, “If you can’t outwit a deer or  a duck, you have no business hunting.”   He believes, as we do, that Duck Calls and Deer Blinds are cowardly practices, giving the hunter a profoundly unfair advantage.  In his estimation, what would be crueler than a Mallard thinking he was gonna get some Duck Sauce on a Drake, only to find himself waking up dead.    Stick to hunting ‘Scwewy Wabbits’. 

    WYATT , HIDING IN HIS ‘DON’ BLIND…WAITING. 

     JUST WAITING, JUST PATIENTLY…WAITING

    “BE VEWWY VEWWY QWIET…I’M HUNTING A SCWEWY IMUS…”

    8:45: 00 a.m  –  Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, (Or, as we like to call her, ‘The Notorious D.K.G’) is on to discuss L.B.J. not being A.W.O.L. on Civil Rights, as he was portrayed, incorrectly, in the movie ‘Selma’.    He was a champion of Civil Rights, and did a great deal for the….Negroes.  “As they used to be called back then.”   Good thing she stopped at 1965 and didn’t go back to 1865 otherwise she would’ve used the term as they used to be called ‘Back Then’. 

    DORIS WAS CONSULTED ON THIS OBSCURE, ARCANE, COMIC BOOK SERIES: ISSUE ONE FEATURED MATTHEW HENSON, WHO, ALONG WITH ROBERT PEARY, MADE ONE OF THE BIGGEST GEOLOGICAL DISCOVERIES IN HISTORY; AS WELL AS  FRED FRENCH, A NAVY SEAMAN WHO, AFTER THE DESTORYER GREGORY WAS SUNK, AND HE AND HIS CREW MATES WERE PLUNGED INTO THE SHARK-INVESTED SEA OFF GUAM, SAW THEIR LIFERAFT WAS DRIFTING AWAY FROM SHORE, SO HE TIED A LINE AROUND HIS WAIST AND DIVED INTO THE WATER, TOWING THE RAFT TO SHORE; AND GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER, (BACK IN THE DAY THEY REFERRED TO HIM AS ‘SKIPPY’ BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD PEANUT BUTTER) 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Speaking of The Avengers & Negro Heroes

    KEY & PEELE

    The Classic

     ‘Stan Lee’s Superhero Pitch’

     http://www.cc.com/video-clips/o1y25d/key-and-peele-stan-lee-s-superhero-pitch 

    Thursday
    Apr302015

    Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt Are Here!

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Lyle Lovett AND John Hiatt are here this morning.  TOGETHER.  Wait a second?  Did you hear right?  Yes, but let’s repeat that anyway.    Lyle Lovett AND John Hiatt are here this morning!  TOGETHER!  To what do we owe this superfluity of serendipitous splendor s?   The Moon in the Seventh House?   Jupiter aligning with Mars?  No.  Somebody must’ve asked them.

     ALL WE NEED NOW IS SOME FLACO JIMENEZ ON THE ACCORDION AND IT WOULD BE A PERFECT  MORNING

    6:09:18  a.m. – The I-Man went for an MRI yesterday at Lenox Hill Radiology where he was met by Trisha, the lovely young technician, who was sporting a tattoo of her fiancee’s name, ‘Pete’, just above her wrist.   The Boss queried as to what would happen should things… ‘Not work out…’  She claimed that, “Oh, no, he’s great, he’s going to be a keeper.  And then Deirdre and Don happened to notice an obscured bit of ink above one of her bosoms.  Upon asking the lovely young lady what that once was, she admitted that it was her LAST Fiancee’.  Hopefully she will be luckier in love this time, lest her body wind up resembling a sandwich board in a Kosher Deli. 

    HOPEFULLY, PETE’S A KEEPER.  SHE’S RUNNING OUT OF ARM SPACE

    6:17:34  a.m. – Warner reports on the Orioles/White Sox game that was played in an empty Camden Yards Stadium.   The I-man claims that it wasn’t entirely empty.  He maintains that Brian Williams was there. 

    CONSIDERING HOW PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAY IS A DAY OFF FOR BRIAN…HE’S ABLE TO TAKE IN A FEW GAMES

    6:25:54  a.m. –  Lyle and John play ‘The Open Road ‘.   You could turn your sets off now and be satisfied.  But there’s MORE to come.

    AN OPEN ROAD.  WE’RE NOT SURE IT’S THE ONE TO ENSENADA, BUT WE’RE ASSUMING THERE WILL BE A SIGN INDICATING THERE’S A  JUNCTION  AHEAD

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Historian Doug Brinkley phones in capable of effortlessly segueing from one topic to another and he is eloquent on all, whether it be music, the current situation in Baltimore or the I-Man’s hair.   Okay, so he didn’t bring that one up this morning.   But he could easily find an historical reference point for it.  Somewhere around the 18th Century.

    “FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO, I WAS HANGING OFF A BOXCAR…”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man notes that “If you had told me, back when I was working in the mines, that one day I would have LYLE LOVETT on my program, I’d have thought you were crazy.”   Yes, we would, Boss, as Lyle’s self-titled debut album wasn’t released until 1986.  Lyle was around 9 years old when you were in the mines…just a good ol’ Texas boy with a paper route.  Riding on ‘The Road to Ensenada’. 

    BY HOOK, OR BY CROOK, THAT PAPER WAS AT YOUR DOORSTEP

    EVERY MORNING

    7:10:20 a.m. –  The I-Man notes that he looks like Greta Van Susteren this morning.  Yeah.  Just this morning. 

    THE I-MAN DOESN’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE GRETA VAN SUSTEREN…OOPS!  SORRY!   THIS IS ACTUALLY MARY JO BUTTAFUOCO

    7:29:18 a.m. – Lyle and John perform Lyle’s ‘The Road to Ensenada’, from the album of the same name.  The Boss asks why Lyle named both the song and the album that, and what it meant, and Lyle says it was “About a trip I took to Mexico…to Ensenada.”   Good thing he didn’t take a trip to Wisconsin, because there aren’t many rhymes for ‘Road to Sheboygan’

    A MAP OF LYLE LOVETT MUSICAL LOCATIONS

    7:40:18 a.m. –  PSYCHOS 2, or, as we like to call it, “Five Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”  Alan Colmes takes such an ass-whuppin’ from Bo and Deirdre that he will be taken to the ‘Battered Liberals Shelter’ after the segment.  Apparently, he wasn’t able to get that Order of Protection from the courts in time for today’s program.  The tension stems from the “Hero Mom”, Toya Graham, the video of whom, (Wailing on her son, not unlike how Deirdre and Bo wail on Alan) has gone viral.  Alan thinks that she isn’t a hero, as she’s providing a poor example of parental discipline, as he’s not a fan of hitting children.  Deirdre says that she’s a ‘Reluctant Hero’, and was thrust into the situation due to circumstances.  Bo sees nothing wrong with giving a teenager an attitudinal adjustification-atation.

    HE DOESN’T PLAY HOCKEY, BUT HE HAS TO WEAR A HELMET WHEN HE ENTERS THE STUDIO

    AT LEAST THEY WERE ABLE TO GET HIM TO MAKEUP SO HE’D LOOK SUITABLE FOR THE REST OF HIS ON AIR APEARANCES

    7:42:09 a.m. –  Gunz is upset about people violating ‘Personal Space’ which is supposed to be 8-16 inches.  We were always thought  the distance was measured on a scale commensurate with penis size.  Which is probably why people are always right  on top of him.

    COVER BOY GUNZ…NOTICE THERE’S NOBODY CLOSE TO HIM ON THIS COVER

    7:44:11 a.m. –  Bernard laments the fact that Boxing is Dead.  He says that the ratings on NBC suck, and goes so far as to refer to Pacquiao as ‘Short Bus Manny’.   Well, Manny only needs a short bus.  He’s 5’7” and weighs 140 pounds.  A regular sized bus would be overkill.  Mayweather, on the other hand, needs a big one just to house…his ego.

    WE’D PAY BIG BUCKS TO SEE MANNY FIGHT SOMEONE LITTLE.  LIKE, MAYBE, OH, WE DON’T KNOW…LUPICA?

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus reveals that when Bo and Deirdre get ‘Medieval’ with Alan, it makes him ‘Fraidy Scared.’   Now he knows how the rest of the staff feels.  As well as the respective Viewing and Listening audiences.   Be afraid.  Be very very afraid.  On Thursday Mornings, we find ourselves paraphrasing the little girl from ‘Poltergeist’ ….“They’re here…”

    DON’T OPEN THAT DOOR….

    8:16:32 a.m. –  The Boss retells the ‘Tattooed Trish’ story, and, once again, mentions her fiancee’s name is ‘Pete’.  “That’s Carley’s fiancee’s”, Warner observes.   Um…that’s a DIFFERENT ‘Pete’, Warner.  In fact we think there are probably more than a few other boys named ‘Pete’ out there.  It’s a pretty popular name…not as popular as ‘Richard’, though.  Because there are an awful lot of  Dicks  out there.

    NOT CARLEY’S PETE.  TRISH’S PETE

    (SHE WILL BE HAVING THAT TATTOO RE-INKED)

      

    FROM EX-FIANCEE’ , CHANGED TO ‘TAKING A STAND AGAINST FUR’

    8:35:00 a.m  –  Three songs by our reknowned musical guests, ‘The Thing Called Love’ (The Bonnie Raitt hit was composed by Mr. Hiatt)  ‘White Boy Lost in the Blues’ ( A Michael Franks’ penned tune off Lyle’s last album, ‘Release Me’) and The old Prison Traditional, ‘Ain’t No Cane’.   There are certainly worse ways to spend a weekday morning than listening to a Private, Command Performance by a pair of musical legends in an intimate setting.   We could actually stand listening to the I-Man re-tell the Mama T Story and it would be worth it just to be in the room when Lyle and John are harmonizing.  “Like the Everly Brothers!”  a delighted Imus exclaims.

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Because there’s no such thing as too much

     Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gnzWaJ6mHs

    Wednesday
    Apr292015

    The I-Man's Concerned He Won't Be Able to See The Fight of the Century

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Due to the curfew in downtown Baltimore, the Orioles game at Camden Yards this afternoon will have NOBODY in the stands, looking eerily like Shea Stadium in 1978.

    THE UPSIDE OF THE ‘CAPACITY’ CROWDS AT SHEA…EVERYBODY HAD THEIR OWN HOT DOG AND BEER MAN

    6:12:22a.m. – The I-Man notices that Warner has resurrected his legendary catchphrase, “Let’s go to the videotape.”   Warner says it’s designed to act as a cue for the producer to run the clip, in case he’s sleeping.  “Not you, Bigfoot”, he clarifies.  No need to worry about Tom Bowman sleeping.  He’s not even here.

    MOST OF THE TIME, BIGFOOT’S LIKE A GHOST…SO,  WHO YOU GONNA CALL?  WELL, DOESN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE, THERE’S NOBODY THERE TO ANSWER THE PHONE ANYWAY

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Mike Baker.  ‘Former’ Covert Op.  Uh huh.  He WANTS people to think he’s come in from the cold, because he’s… ‘Gone Rogue’.   

    VOTED ‘SEXIEST SPY IN THE WORLD’ BY…WE CAN’T TELL YOU WHICH MAGAZINE, OTHERWISE, WE’D HAVE TO KILL YOU

    AGENT BAKER LOCKED HIMSELF OUT OF HIS HOUSE…IT’S REALLY GOOD THAT ‘STEALTH ENTRY’ IS IN HIS SKILL SET

    7:15:30 a.m. –     Dagen reads a story about Budweiser and their…um… ‘Boo Boo’ labeling.  Apparently, the King of Beers put the following on their cans of Bud Lite:  "The perfect beer for removing 'no' from your vocabulary for the night."  Which makes us wonder which slogans got REJECTED in favor of this one.  ‘Bud Lite: The ‘Rapey’ Beer.’  ‘Bud Lite: The Official Beer of Tau Kappa Epsilon’  And ‘Bud Lite: The Beer Bill Cosby Served At All His Parties.’

    FOR THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF ROOFIES

    7:40:18 a.m. –  BLONDE ON BLONDE  or, as we like to call it… ‘HAS ANYONE SEEN MY ERECTION ANYWHERE?  IT WAS HERE A MINUTE AGO…’  Speaking of erections, the ladies begin their segment by talking about the Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer.  Deirdre said she’s developed some strong compassion for him, but thought he wasn’t being totally truthful…which is ironic, because the I-Man hasn’t been completely truthful either.  He was a transsexual ‘before it was a hit.’   Born Donna Imus, he was outed a few years ago on a list of ‘Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.’

    YOU’D NEVER SUSPECT IT

    7:42:36a.m. –  The conversation quickly turns ugly, when the subject of the Texas Agriculture Secretary’s statements about how fried foods should be reinstated as menu items in school cafeterias.  As you might imagine, Deirdre was completely respectful of Lis’ opinion being completely antithetical to hers.  That is, when Lis fell into the Tiger Pit, Deirdre paused a brief moment before shredding her like a wounded Gazelle. 

    DEIRDRE ENJOYING SOME ORGANIC, VEGAN, MCDONALD’S FRIED CHICKEN

    (SHE’D ACTUALLY RATHER DRINK A BUCKET OF THIMERISOL)

    1964: A 45 YEAR OLD LIS WIEHL MEETS HER IDOL, COLONEL HARLAND SANDERS

    “WELL, MY DEAH…I AM ‘A BREAST AND THIGH MAN’ MAHSELF,.  SO IF YOU’D LIKE SOME EXTRA GRAVY, I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO OBLIGE.”

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus is concerned that he can’t see Saturday Night’s ‘Fight of the Century’ between Pacquiao and Mayweather.   It’s not available at the Motel 6 where he will be staying, but he mentions he DOES have Direct TV in his Horse Trailer.  He is somewhat insecure about the prospect of being able to order the Pay Per View without difficulty, as, he does not want to deal with another phone call to Direct TV Support, where they will be unable to solve the problem.

    “HELLO, MY NAME IS RAJNEESH GUPTA ALEEM, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME STEVE.  WHAT IS SEEMING TO BE THE PROBLEM?    I’M SORRY SIR, BUT MY NAME IS NOT  ‘NUMBNUTS’.  IT IS RAJNEESH GUPTA ALEEM.  MAY I PLEASE NOW PUT YOU ON HOLD FOR THREE HOURS?”

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Tom (Bigfoot) Bowman tells the I-Man that his hair looks good today.  We can’t help but notice just a tinch of sarcasm in the compliment.  He asked who cuts it.  “Manson?”   No Tom, it’s ‘Hansen’.  But she was part of the Manson Family.

    “HERE’S THE STORY…OF A MAN NAMED CHARLIE, WHO WAS BUSY LISTENING TO THE BEATLES’ ‘HELTER SKELTER’…”

    “HEY HANSON…OR MANSON, OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOUR NAME IS…CAREFUL WITH THOSE F^&%ING SCISSORS

    8:35:00 a.m  –  And, speaking of the Beatles, the Veritable Architect of Rock Criticism, Richard Goldstein is here in studio, to promote his new book ANOTHER PIECE OF MY HEART.   He’s not exactly Lester Bangs, but he says HE’S the original ‘Little Richard’.  We think it may have something to do with penis size.  We believe his credibility as a Rock Critic is somewhat suspect, as…he didn’t like the ‘Sergeant Pepper’ album… Yeah, you’re right, Richard.  That Milli Vanilli album was much better.

    THEY GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM THEIR FRIENDS

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WHEN YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL, THIS IS WHAT WILL BE PLAYING ON THE DEVIL’S JUKEBOX:

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAwBa8Pqi6Y

     

    Tuesday
    Apr282015

    It's a Fairytale!

    6:06:06 a.m. –    It’s war.  Between Fox & the I-Man, or, more specifically, the I-man’s hair.  He has his trademark Cowboy Hat on, which is never good news, because he is nothing if not proud of his thick, long, manly mane.  He removes the headwear to reveal something which could be considered the follicle equivalent to…The My Lai Massacre.  Holy God.  “A professional did this.”  Imus says.  A professional…what?   Professional hit man?  Tony says the Boss’ hair looks like when you open a coffin 6 months after the guy’s been buried but his hair still grows.  

    PUT THAT HAT BACK ON, BOSS.  PUT THAT HAT BACK ON.

    6:12:22a.m. – Imus reveals that he has an original, first generation i-Phone, unopened in the original box!  He wonders if its’ worth something.  We’re starting to worry about him.  Yesterday, he wanted to know what his Beanie Baby was worth, today he’s trying to find out what he could get on eBay for the iPhone.  Guess that new watch must’ve set him back to the point where he needs to divest himself of some of his assets.  We wonder what he might get for his Sony Walkman, Betamax VCR… and his beeper.

    THERE’S AT LEAST FORTY BUCKS WORTH OF CASH JUST FROM THESE THREE ITEMS ALONE

    6:19:34  a.m. –  Warner reports that Cleveland Cavalier Power Forward, Kevin Love, will miss the next Playoff Series due to the  Shoulder Separation given to him by Celtics’ Kelly Olynyk.  The Boss’ take?  “That’s a guy who doesn’t want to win.”

    THE NEWLY RENDERED QUADRIPLEGIC, THE BLACK KNIGHT.  ANOTHER GUY WHO DOESN’T WANT TO WIN

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Arthur Aidala is on to discuss the hideous situation in Baltimore and praises the Mother in the viral video where she goes upside the head of her son, for throwing rocks at the police.   We think that, instead of the National Guard, they should get an Army of Moms to deal with the rioters.  Tear gas and rubber bullets got nothin’ on a mama when she gets going.

    DON’T LET MEDEA CATCH YOU ACTING THE FOOL…

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Former DC Homicide Cop Rod Wheeler, and Former NYC Super Cop Bo Dietl both provide their perspective on the situation in Baltimore.   We think they are both in agreement, but it’s difficult to tell, because only Mr. Wheeler is actually speaking English.

    BO.  RANT-I-TATING IN ‘BO-ESE’

    WHILE MR. WHEELER IS SPEAKING MANDARIN…

    7:15:30 a.m. –     Imus apologizes to Ashley Webster for not going to him last hour.  Boy, are we glad he got to him THIS hour.  He adds so much to the program.  When he’s gone, we feel the loss, because his views on comedy are, (Dare we say?  It’s an overused term.) genius.   Ashley moved here from Great Britain so he could drive on the right.  And avail himself to Good Dental Care. 

    TWO WORDS, ASHLEY: COSMETIC…DENTISTRY

    7:38:18 a.m. –  PSYCHOS I    Imus introduces the panel, and calls Carley ‘Carly Simon’.  He’s so vain, he prob’ly thinks that Carley actually likes him.

    HER FIRST ALBUM WAS A HUGE HIT

    7:40:11 a.m. –  Nat goes Ape$#@ over ‘People who have hair and don’t deserve it.’   Especially those who won’t groom it.  Like the I-Man.  Who looks like that Beanie Baby of his died on his head.

    NAT.  AFTER DUNKING HIS HEAD IN A VAT OF MONOXIDYL

    7:42:38 a.m. –  Dagen has a beef with…expired food.  Food that her husband, Rollo, attempts to serve her.  He will scrape the mold off of whatever he finds in the fridge and give it to her for lunch.  Deirdre says there wouldn’t be a problem if she bought organic fruits and vegetables.  Because they don’t ever go bad.  Because they’re picked by Magic Organic Mexicans.

    WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU ROTTEN LEMONS…MAKE ROTTEN LEMONADE

    WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU ROTTEN BANANAS…MAKE ROTTEN BANANA DAQUIRIS

    7:43:58 a.m. –   Carley hates those who hate on the Royal Family.  She likes it because it’s a ‘Fairytale’.  Like being born Tall, Blonde, Beautiful, Smart and Funny.   

    Oh.  Wait a minute.    We hate those who are Fairytales who hate people who hate Fairytales.  Don’t ask us to repeat that.  Our brain hurts.  

    THIS REALLY IS A FAIRYTALE.  CARLEY WOULD NEVER LEAVE AN EXPENSIVE SHOE BEHIND

    7:44:44  a.m. –   Deirdre isn’t angry, she actually praises that Baltimore Mom who went to the streets to discipline her son.  We, as she does, agree that more mothers should do that to their children…and, while we’re at it, WHERE ARE THE DADS?   The D-Woman blames the degeneration of the ‘Family’, for being responsible for most of the problems in our country today.  We agree with her 100%.  We maintain that our Mothers in Law are Terrorists responsible for Global Warming and higher fuel prices. 

    “YOU’D HAVE A BETTER HOUSE IF YOU WORKED HARDER, YOU’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH, IF YOU WERE, YOU’D BE IN A BETTER POSITION TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY, BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY TO ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING, I DON’T KNOW WHY MY DAUGHTER MARRIED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE HAD A WHOLE BUNCH OF BOYFRIENDS WHO WERE MUCH BETTER CATCHES…GOOD LOOKING, RICHER AND FUNNIER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE, NOT TO MENTION THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE BETTER FATHERS THAN YOU, BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE WHERE THE KIDS DON’T RESPECT YOU BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DISCIPLINE THEM CORRECTLY, AND WHAT KIND OF SELF  - RESPECTING MAN WEARS SANSABELT SLACKS?  AND PUT THAT HAMMER DOWN.   YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT HANDY WITH TOOLS…AND WHY AM I STANDING ON A SHEET OF PLASTIC, IT’S NOT LIKE THE CARPET IS SO EXPENSIVE THAT IT’S WORTH….OW!   OW!   OW!   HEY!  THAT HU……..”

    8:05:10 a.m. – Deirdre is miffed at the I-Man for cutting her off in the middle of her rant…but we’re not worried, because we are sure she will finish it when he gets home.   All day and all night long.  Guess who we’re glad we’re not.   Uh huh.  But in terms of Schadenfreude, it’s gonna be a GREAT day!

    AND SHE’S NOT GOING TO BE STEAMING ORGANIC VEGETABLES

    8:16:32 a.m. –  The Boss Promos the upcoming appearance of Lanny Davis by noting that Mr. Davis’ job is to be a ‘Simpering Weasel’ for the Clintons.  We would have to disagree with the I-Man here.  He’s not a ‘Simpering Weasel’, he’s a ‘Simpering Weasel…Clinton Apologist.’   At least that’s what it says on his resume’.  Under ‘Special Skills’ he puts… ‘Good at destroying evidence’.   He’s just not that great at finding Dry Cleaners.

    THE I-MAN WILL BE RETAINING LANNY’S APOLOGIST SERVICES TO REPRESENT HIM WITH DEIRDRE LATER TODAY.

    “A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU MR. JONG UN…”

    8:22:11 a.m  –   Imus laments that, due to the fact that he will be in Texas at Joe Beaver’s, he won’t be able to see the ‘Fight of the Century’ because the motel he stays in doesn’t have a satellite dish.   Warner suggests that the I-Man watch the fight at a bar.  Great idea Warner, have the I-Man go to some saloon.  Especially when, in the old days he couldn’t become a lawyer, because he ‘Couldn’t pass the bar.’ He says he might try to score some cocaine as well, because the fight will be on late.  Not true.  With the time difference in Texas, it will be on an hour earlier. 

    “NO, NUMBNUTS!  NOT A GUN FIGHT!  THE PACQUIAO / MAYWEATHER FIGHT!  GIVE ME A VODKA.  AND TELL THIS A-HOLE NEXT TO ME TO GO AWAY OR I’LL STAB ROB.

    8:35:00 a.m  –  Lanny Davis phones in.   And one of the questions that Imus asks him is…if Bill Clinton ever took him to ‘Orgy Island’.   Which the Boss pronounces as if it rhymes with ‘Porgy’.    Which is an entirely different island altogether.

    FEATURING THE HIT GERSHWIN SONGS ‘IT ISN’T INEVITABLY THE TRUTH’ & ‘IMUS YOU IS MY WOMAN NOW.’

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    As if you didn’t have enough to look forward to this summer…

    TED 2 !!!!

    http://entertainthis.usatoday.com/2015/04/28/ted-2-red-band-trailer-mark-whalberg-seth-macfarlane/ 

    Monday
    Apr272015

    The Princess Diana Beanie Baby

    6:06:06 a.m.  Warner and the I-Man talk sports and the upcoming Mayweather/Pacquiao fight.  Warner maintains the fight should’ve happened five years ago, as both fighters are Over the Hill.  He will watch it, however, because he needs to be informed as a sportscaster, but he believes the rest of the world is being duped, at 90 bucks for the Pay Per View (100 for High Def, in case you really want to feel like you’re getting blood and saliva and sweat on you)  Imus tends to favor Warner’s opinions about boxing because, “Warner knows boxing…as opposed to other sports.”

    BACK WHEN WARNER WAS FIGHTING IN THE GOLDEN GLOVES UNDER THE NAME OF  ‘THE KOSHER BUTCHER’

     6:08:18 a.m. – Deirdre has discovered that they are the proud owners of the rare, 1st Edition, Purple Princess Diana Beanie Baby Bear, which, Deirdre maintains, is worth 300-400 THOUSAND bucks!  We check online to see the distinguishing characteristics of the valuable find and, according to the photos on the I-Man’s phone, it is INDEED authentic.  The ‘Heart’ Tags have the same crowded text.  The headline here is not that Deirdre has found a very valuable item in their closet, but that the I-Man trusted us with his iPhone.   We sent ourselves some of the emails and phone numbers he has, transferred his Starbucks rewards to our accounts, and took a few penis pictures that we texted from his phone to Lobster Newburgh.   Wish we hadn’t done that, because…she texted some photos back to us…of her penis….well, not HER penis, but her personal trainer’s.

    UNFORTUNATELY, THE IMUS ‘PRINCESS DIANA BEANIE BABY’ ISN’T IN ‘MINT’ CONDITION.  THERE’S A MYSTERIOUS HOLE TORN IN IT.

    BESIDES…WE DON’T THINK THIS IS A GENUINE 1ST EDITION

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Bo Dietl, back from a week’s respite, and he is, as always, fascinitatating.  He was at the 25th Anniversary Screening of Goodfellas, closing the TriBeca Film Festival.   We could listen to his stories about the movie forever, as he knew the actual, real people who both the book and movie were based on.   One of them being, of course, Bo Dietl.

    ACTORS STUDIO GRADUATE BO DIETL’S FILM DEBUT  AS ‘COP #1’

    “POLICE! FREEZE!  DON’T YOU MOVE OR I’LL BLOW YOUR F$%^IN’ BRAINS OUT.”

     BO ‘ACT-A-TATING’ HIS ASS OFF AS ‘COP #1’ WITH FELLOW ‘THESPIANATATIONATER’  RAY LIOTTA

    6:44:08  a.m. –  Bo says that growing up in ‘The Neighborhood’, he could’ve gone either way.  Which, at first, surprised us, as he appears to be such a ‘manly man’, and it’s not exactly a choice…but then we realized he meant ‘Gangster…or Supercop.’   He credits his choice to his German Father who used to beat him on a regular basis.  Who, by the way, was the first and LAST man to ever have done that to Bo.

    BO BACK THEN

    BO RIGHT NOW

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man doesn’t visit family.  Much to the relief of…the family.

    “PLEASE TELL ME HE’S NOT COMING TO VISIT…”

    7:15:30 a.m. – Imus takes Dagen to task for saying that Chipotle delivers…because this weekend, he had Wyatt call for a post-workout Burrito Bowl, only to find that…they claim they do not.  Dagen reminds the boss that Chipotle doesn’t deliver, but Post Mates, the online service, does.  Dagen wants to know if there was anything wrong with the young Wy-Man’s legs. 

    THE AFOREMENTIONED CHIPOTLE VEGETARIAN BURRITO BOWL

    “DON’T FORGET…THAT ONE GOING TO CENTRAL PARK WEST NEEDS EXTRA SALIVA…”

    7:40:18 a.m. –  VINNIE FROM QUEENS   -  Nat is absent, in Florida to ‘Visit His Deaf Aunt’…which, we believe, is a euphemism for ‘Picking Up Some Product’.  Those Mets tickets aren’t going to pay for themselves.  But at least Nat heeds the ‘Scarface’ edict, ‘Don’t get high on your own supply.’

    “LOOK AT ME, BRO!  I’M LIKE…MORE COKED UP THAN DARYL STRAWBERRY!”

    7:42:33 a.m. –  The panel discusses the upcoming Pacquiao / Mayweather Fight, which has been dubbed ‘The Fight of the Century’.   Which is quite a statement, as the century is only 15 years old.  We think there may be a Robot/Android bout sometime around 2075 that will surpass it.  Warner regales us all with tales of Arthur Mercante accidentally poking Joe Frasier in the eye during the first Ali/Frasier fight.  He goes on with the story so long, we feel as though he poked us all in the ear. 

    ARTHUR MERCANTE JR. ‘POKING’ ZAB JUDAH IN THE BUTT DURING THE JUDAH/BALDOMIR WELTERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE.

    IT COST JUDAH THE FIGHT.

    8:15:10 a.m. –  Imus asks Warner if he saw the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce Jenner.  Warner says he didn’t have any interest, but he feels they should leave the poor guy/girl alone.  The Boss then inquires our venerable, well-loved sportscaster if HE has ever worn a dress.  It takes a moment for Warner to respond, and we think we perceived an ‘Eye-Shift’.  So, if we are to use the same criteria as Warner does when using his F.B.I. Suspect Profliling skills…Mr. Wolf has, indeed, found himself in a designer, off the shoulder number.  He calls it a toga, we call it a designer off the shoulder number.

    WARNER IN VERSACE COUTURE

    8:35:00 a.m  –  The Great (And we do not use that term loosely) Dick Cavett is on, and he is promoting his ‘Dick Cavett’s Vietnam’ program  that will air this evening on PBS.    He must be calling in on his Sports Illustrated Football Phone.  There hasn’t been this much static since the Rodney King Verdict. 

    DICK CAVETT’S SPORTS ILLUSTRATED FOOTBALL PHONE:

    “I AM DEEPLY REMORSEFUL FOR THE CONFOUNDINGLY  POOR RECEPTION PROVIDED BY THIS RATHER INFERIOR MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION PREMIUM, WHICH CAUSED SOME REASONABLY INCONSISTENT AND AESTHETICALLY UNPLEASANT BROADCAST DISCOURSE”

    8:41:08 a.m  –  One of the stories about the Vietnam War that Dick tells is his utter shock and horror at how, one of his Show Business idols, Bob Hope, was actually ‘booed’ in Da Nang at his U.S.O. sponsored performance.  Dick maintains that Milton Berle was heading the chorus.

    “THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, BOB.  NOW GET OFF THE STAGE AND LET UNCLE MILTIE SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE.”

    ALTHOUGH, WE HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY RAQUEL WELCH WHO WAS GETTING BOOED.

    9:10:22 -  The I-Man once again brings up his Princess Diana Beanie Baby, except he says ‘Diana Ross’…which is also pretty rare…but not as rare as the ‘Florence Ballard’ Beanie Baby...because that one was replaced by the Cindy Birdsong Beany…oh, forget it.  We’re not even going to attempt trying to explain this one to you bastards….

    STOP!  IN THE NAME OF LOVE! 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A REPRESENTATIVE ACTING REEL OF

    THE BO DIETL OUERVE

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcoHhfq_QCU

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AmkKf1eurA

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFy1zsoa_p4