6:05:10 a.m. – Country Music Royalty is here this morning. The Amazing Rosanne Cash. She and her husband, John Leventhal, are here with a kickass band to do songs from her new album, ‘The River & The Thread’. It’s her first new songs in 7 years, and all of them were inspired by her family history and driving south. She had Brain Surgery in 2007 and you wouldn’t know it to hear her talk. Weird that the I-Man has NOT had Brain Surgery, yet he sounds like he should have.
ROSEANNE CASH – THE REAL DEAL
6:06:12 a.m. – Connell reports about the NSA’s ability to monitor computers that AREN’T connected to the Internet. (So you better be careful what games you decide to play on your Nintendo 64.) Connell warns that ‘Nobody’s secrets are safe.’ The I-Man maintains that he has no secrets that he’s afraid about getting out. We think Deirdre may have one or two…like, for instance, the identity of Wyatt’s real father.
“HIS DADDY IS…WHO? WOW! NO WONDER HE’S SUCH A GREAT CALF ROPER!”
6:3234 a.m. – Ms. Cash, Mr. Leventhal and the band do ‘Etta’s Tune’, a plaintive song that has the recurring phrase ‘What’s the Temperature Darlin’?’ Another coincidence, because, every day this winter, Imus has asked the same question. Of course, he substitutes the word ‘Numbnut’s for ‘Darlin’’, but, nonetheless he DOES ask it. Repeatedly. Partially because he’s forgotten he’s just asked it seconds ago, and partly because old people get cold.
TEMPERATURE IMUS FEELS IN STUDIO ACTUAL TEMPERATURE IN STUDIO
7:05:15 a.m. – The I-Man professes his love for Jimmy Swaggart, but mentions that “Donnie Swaggart’, the Rev’s son, looks like ‘The product of parents who may be related to each other more than just by marriage…he got them Amy Carter eyes.”
DONNIE SWAGGART. A CHIP OFF THE OL’…1ST COUSIN.
HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS ‘UNCLE DADDY’
7:07:15 a.m. – The I-Man, after interviewing the fascinating Ms. Cash and her husband remarks that she is one of the only musicians he can think of where the progeny was as talented and became as famous as their parent. Rosanne certainly brings nothing but honor to the legacy of The Man in Black, her father, Johnny Cash. Of course the same could be said about Nancy Sinatra. Because as we sit here, one of Jilly Rizzo’s boys has a gun to our heads.
BLANKET JACKSON. WE’RE SURE HE’S JUST AS TALENTED AS HIS FATHER, MICHAEL.
IF MICHAEL, IS, INDEED, HIS FATHER.
7:33:16a.m. – Rosanne and the band does ‘A Feather’s Not a Bird’. The I-Man says that we won’t be able to get the tune out of our heads all day.
A FEATHER’S NOT A BIRD…AND A BIRD IS NOT A TURD
(HER SONG WAS A LOT MORE ELEGANT…ALTHOUGH WE WISH SHE’D USED THE LYRICS WE WROTE HER)
7:34:07 a.m. – I-Man is right. We CAN’T get that song out of our heads.
7:38:16a.m. – Blonde on Blonde, surprisingly, ends quite unpleasantly. Deirdre and Lis have a heated argument about screaming babies being banned from restaurants…Deirdre is appalled, while Lis just wants to eat her 45 dollar baked potato in peace, which is not surprising when you consider what a selfish, self-absorbed, holier than thou, hideous child hating witch she is. This leads Deirdre to go on a rant about parents with autism…which, we assume as the segment ends, will end with an off-air diatribe about the evils of vaccinations. Thanks, Screaming Babies. Because of you, we just lost Eli Lilly, makers of Thimerosal, as a sponsor.
“I DRANK A PINT OF THIMEROSAL, EVERY DAY, FOR 50 YEARS.
DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO ME!”
8:05:02 a.m. – We STILL can’t get that song out of our heads.
8:06:12 a.m. – Usually, Car Dealers treat the I-Man as if he were a 20 dollar whore. Not Mercedes Benz of Manhattan. Joe, Deirdre’s driver, noticed that there was a slow leak in one of the tires. He took it to a local tire place, where they informed him that he needed a new 600 dollar rim. He went to Mercedes Benz, where, incredibly, they found it was merely a faulty valve. They fixed it. NO CHARGE. It’s good to be the I-Man.
8:11:15 a.m. – “A feather’s not a bird…a feather’s not a bird….” Damn you, Rosanne Cash!
THAT GIRL JUST MIGHT HAVE A CAREER IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS
8:12:13 a.m. – Dagen reports that Marvin Gaye’s family has settled a portion of their lawsuit over the similarities between Robin Thicke’s hit song “Blurred Lines” and Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up”. I-Man notes the irony in the fact that Gaye’s family is benefitting from his music, when it was his old man who shot him in the first place.
“HEY MARVIN…I GOT A .45 I WANT YOU TO HEAR.”
8:43:06 a.m. – Rosanne and the Band do another two tunes off the new, instant classic, album. There’s something to be said to be attending a private concert of a major National Headliner act, sitting in the second row among a crowd of…11. It’s like a private audience. We feel special. Then Imus tells us how much we suck, and we are back on earth again. Thanks for pulling our coats, I-Man, and keeping us ‘Well Grounded.’ Some day, we hope to keep YOU well grounded. Well UNDER it.
THE RIVER AND THE THREAD. BUY THAT RECORD. NOW. YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE A ‘FEATHER’S NOT A BIRD’, THAT’S WHY!
9:20:10 a.m. – Bernie reports on the Israeli Defense Minister’s dislike of, and disdain for, our Secretary of State John Kerry. “Beanie wearing little shmuck.” Great work, I-Man. Didn’t make enough apologies this week?
“HEY. KERRY. YOU SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT.”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
We aren’t quite sure you understand just what an ear worm this Rosanne Cash song is.
Therefore, we feel the need to illustrate: