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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Psychos, Monday and Thursday at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 


Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe - As a children's health advocate dedicated to raising awareness of and protecting children from the numerous toxins in this world, I cannot strongly enough recommend the film “Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe.”  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Pimento Cheese -Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Here's a zippy cheese spread that is so much better than the processed, store-bought versions; the difference is like night and day. I grew up on these, my Grandma was the one who made it and she called it pickles and pimento.  She would dice pickles into it and serve sweet pickles on the side.  It's wonderful on crackers, stuffed into celery sticks, or as a spread for sandwiches. You can forego using a food processor for the preparation of this recipe and the results will be a little less smooth, but delicious nonetheless.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please let us know by emailing us at Dimus@hackensackumc.org or contact us here, we would love to hear your story.

 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Recent Guests:
    Thursday
    Mar122015

    You Do Not Want to Mess With McDowell!

    6:06:06 a.m. –   Ashley Webster isn’t here, and according to the I-Man, it’s because he was out drunk last night.  Which, for an Englishman, isn’t all that out of the ordinary.  What is out of the ordinary is he was late because he had to brush his teeth and had a hard time finding them.  

    “BLIMEY!  I SLEPT THROUGH THE BLOODY ALARM!  IT’S BLOODY 5 O’CLOCK!  TIME FOR TEA!”

    6:09:18 a.m. – Theresa’s cat, (Who, you might recall, broke his knees the other day) is being operated on today.  We’re not sure if it’s a knee replacement, or just arthroscopic surgery to correct the tendons behind the patella, but Imus asks us to guess how much it will cost.  Rob offers “30 Thousand.”  Stupid bastard.  It actually costs 5,000, which, after that conjecture, makes the 5 Grand sound like a bargain.  Until you realize you then have to multiply the 5 Grand by 9.  But for 5 thousand dollars, she could buy 100 new cats.  Which would then make her a crazy cat lady, something that we’re not all that sure isn’t already true.  But when you get to thinking about it, it wouldn’t be the first time somebody paid 5 K for a little pussy.

     IN ADDITION TO PAYING 5K FOR CAT SURGERY, THERESA IS CURRENTLY PUTTING THREE OF THESE FELINES THROUGH ‘KITTY COLLEGE’

    6:29:57  a.m. –  The I-Man informs us that Van Morrison has a new album coming out on March 23rd!  And he already has a single from the record, ‘Irish Heartbeat’, featuring Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits.  The album is called ‘Duets: Re-Working the Catalogue’, where he performs some of his Classics with the likes of Steve Winwood, Bobby Womack, Taj Mahal, Mavis Staples, Natalie Cole and George Benson.   Apparently, Stevie Wonder didn’t get the call.  Maybe because Van already made his feelings known about the Sight-Challenged when he kicked the Blind Boys of Alabama out of the Green Room.   We are particularly interested in his duet with Bobby Womack, as the 60’s Soul Singer died in 2014.  We assume they recorded in separate studios.  Van also does a new version of ‘Real Real Gone’ with Michael Buble’, which makes us sorry that WE didn’t die in 2014.

    FOR A GUY WHO DIED A YEAR AGO, HE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

    SO DOES BOBBY WOMACK

    6:36:24 a.m. –  Dr. Walid Phares is on, and immediately, controversy breaks outs, as Imus is suspicious of some of the songs on the Good Doctor’s Five Favorites list.  “One Republic and Timbaland?”   “I lost a bet.” comes the answer.  Well, that explains the song choice.  Which, we assume is also the reason why the I-Man is playing the new Van Morrison song.  Imus asks Dr. Phares a question, and then the Dr. speaks for some time, after which the I-Man says “Of course you didn’t answer the question.”  We can almost hear Dr. Phares’ sphincter contract through the phone.  After the interview, the I-Man has a very pithy comment.  “Lose the accent , okay?”

     “I’M SO VERY SORRY,  BUT…WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS AGAIN?  MY MEMORY IS A LITTLE COMPROMISED AS I HAVEN’T EATEN ANYTHING IN THE PAST 8 MONTHS.  WAS IT DR.  FERRIS?  FERRIS?  LIKE FERRIS BUELLER?   OH MY GOLLY GOSH I AM SUCH A BIG FAN OF YOURS!  COULD YOU SING ‘DANKESCHOEN’ FOR ME?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  The conversation continues, leading to a discussion about Iran, of which, Phares is worried that the current situation might be reminiscent of the Russians in World War II, where all the territory they took from the Nazis, they kept.  We think that Dr. Phares has been watching ‘300’ too much, where Leonidas says “Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time!” 

    UM…DR. WALLY?  IT’S ONLY A MOVIE.

    7:05:10 a.m. –  “Hey!  Look!  Ashley Webster has decided to come to work!” the  I-Man remarks, seeing Ashley’s face in the monitor.  We find out that he overslept.  By 2 and a half hours.  Dagen is not happy, as she, and a number of other people, ran around like chickens with their legs cut off, due to his absence.   “I’ve covered for you as well, Dagen,” says the Brit Business Bitch.  “When I was out due to family members who were ill.” she replies.  Ohhhhkay…  Now what, Ashley?   “Dagen played the sick family card.” Imus observes, clearly pleased that he has started a war on the program.  We have just a bit of advice for Ashley.  Don’t go down this road, son.  It’ll be like you’re bringing a slingshot to a Nuclear Missile Fight.   You DO NOT want to mess with McDowell. 

    DESPITE OUR WARNING, WEBSTER TANGLES WITH DAGEN.  IT’S NOT GOING TO END WELL

    7:16:46 a.m. – Connell reports about a 36 year old ‘man’ who was arrested for shining a military grade laser pointer from the second story window of his mother’s house, blinding pilots trying to land at LaGuardia airport.  We assume he was playing ‘Star Wars’, dressed up like Yoda using his green light saber on the Imperial Cruisers.  What a shock he lives in his mother’s house.

    “LET ME GO!  SAVE THE REBELLION, I MUST!”

    7:16:59 a.m. – What IS surprising is that this dude was on the 2nd Floor of his mother’s house, and not the basement.  But then again, he couldn’t very well shine a light from his bedroom down there, so he had to climb the stairs up to the attic where Mommy keeps Grandma wrapped up in duct Tape, even though she’s been dead for the past three years.  If THAT’S not a ‘Febreeze’ Commercial…

    “IT REALLY DOES SMELL FRESH AND CLEAN IN HERE…CAN I TAKE OFF MY BLINDFOLD?”

    7:34:18 a.m. – PSYCHOS II the weekly sequel!  Covering all the craziness that wasn’t covered on Monday’s PSYCHOS I.  We think today’s segment should have been renamed  ‘Who’s Getting an Intervention This Week?’   Because between Deirdre and Bo Dietl, it’s a Jump Ball.   There were people who were released from Bellevue this morning, because they weren’t nearly as bad as some of the members on the panel.  Alan Colmes takes issue with the G.O.P. Letter to Iran, Bernie claims that Mayor DeBlasio is dissing his constituents, Deirdre is concerned with ISIS recruiting 10 year olds and Bo is…well, Bo.  What was bothering him this morning?  “Hillary Clinton looks like a chipmunk.”  

    WE CAN KINDA SEE THAT…AFTER ALL SHE DOES ENJOY TAKING AWAY NUTS

    7:39:32 a.m. –  Speaking of chipmunks, Gunz takes exception with the people in Times Square who sell their ‘Mix Tapes’ and those who dress up like Hello Kitty, Spiderman, and Elmo.  Gunz will never say ‘Hello’ to the Kitty, or even let Elmo touch him, as there was obviously some incident that occurred with the little red freak at some point Gunz’s past.    

    “OKAY, GUNZ…SHOW US WITH THE COOKIE MONSTER WHAT ELMO DID TO YOU.”

    YES.  THAT  PSYCHO.

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man informs us all that he is truly special.  Oh, he’s ‘Special’ alright.  He’s definitely on the ‘Special Spectrum’.  He says that he was just born naturally talented, that he was dealt four aces and we got a pair of threes, and so we have to work harder.  The world loves him just as he is, and he doesn’t have to do anything for that to happen.   Which is A - True.   And B- The reason why we believe there’s no God.

    AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY, GOD CREATED…THE I-MAN

    8:36:00 a.m  –  Bernard Goldberg is on, an I-Fave, and someone who you would think was an erudite and brilliantly articulate man, but clearly, grew up in The Catskill Mountains splitting his summers between various Borscht Belt hotels.  Mr. Goldberg tells a ‘True Story’ about his 92 year old Aunt, ‘Mrs. Cohen’, and her friend at the other Nursing Home, an Irish woman whose name we don’t remember, but it really doesn’t make a difference, because it’s obvious this ‘True’ Story is an AWFUL joke, which, in order to be even marginally funny, can’t be told on the air, as the word ‘Screw’ doesn’t have as much punch as ‘F**K’.

    “AND THEN THEY ALL STAND UP AND TAKE A BOW, AND THEN THE AGENT SAYS ‘HEY, THAT’S GREAT, I’VE NEVER QUITE SEEN AN ACT LIKE THAT.  WHAT DO YOU GUYS CALL YOURSELVES?  AND THE FATHER SAYS, ‘THE ARISTOCRATS!’   THANK YOU,  LADIES AND GERMS, MY NAME IS SHECKY GOLDBERG, YOU DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESSES NOW, SEE YOU TOMORROW BY THE POOL.”

    8:38:37  a.m  - The I-Man questions Bernie about his Five Favorite Songs, one of which is ‘Surfin’ USA’, by The Beach Boys, with the famous riff they stole from Chuck Berry, but  apparently, there are some ‘Blurred Lines’ as to how true that story is.  (There’s no blurred line…it’s true.  Total Rip Off)  One thing we’re almost positive of:  Chuck did NOT write a song about Surfing.

    “SH********T…IF  Y’ALL GONNA STEAL FROM ME, I MIGHT AS WELL JOIN THE GROUP.  BECAUSE I’M GETTIN’ PAID!

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Van Morrison Discusses Working With Mark Knopfler On His New Album ‘Duets: Re-Working The Catalogue’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK454__BbdM 

    Which can be heard here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oPb2Ma9z2M 

    (Turn Your Speakers Up Now)

     

    On Bobby Womack and ‘Peace of Mind’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mYkDbmJ8S8 

    Which can be heard here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t1x6bpHOYU 

      

    BONUS TRACK:

    His remake of ‘Real Real Gone’ With Michael Buble’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRDHApDmTuI 

    Wednesday
    Mar112015

    Do You Know Billy Joe?

    6:06:06 a.m. –     Dwight Yoakam went to see Billy Joe Shaver at the Troubadour in L.A., and Billy Joe laid some of his Three-Fingered Philosophy on the crowd:  “One thing we have in common is that we’re all different.”  Preach, brother.  Carrying the Yogi Berra mantle, Billy Joe will next pronounce “You will always get more soup out of two cans than you will out of one.”

    “IF YOU PEE IN A CREEK, NOBODY WILL KNOW IF YOU ATE ASPARAGUS.”

    6:08:16 a.m. –    The I-Man is confused by the Hillary Clinton statement that she used her personal email so she wouldn’t have to carry two phones…um…Hillary?  You can get as many emails on your phone as you want.    In fact, Bill does it all the time. He has HotBubba12@gmail, ThunderDick69@hotmail, and SploogeMonkey@aol.com all on his iPhone.

    @HILLPREZ16  “GOOD THING I DELETED THAT ONE ABOUT VINCE FOSTER”  #SAVINGMYASS

    6:09:18 a.m. – Connell reports on the email controversy and plays a clip of Chairman of the House Benghazi Select Committee, Trey Gowdy, ( R )  from South Carolina, saying that he is planning on putting Hillary under the heat lamp to see if she can explain why she didn’t make ALL her emails public.  Imus makes the observation “This man has sex with farm animals.”   We hope, at least, that the pictures he has of this are on a separate phone.

    THE ONLY FARM ANIMAL TREY WON’T HAVE SEX WITH.

    (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS)

    WE HATE TO SAY IT, BUT WHILE HE’S MAKING HIS ‘UNCLE DADDY’ AND HIS ‘AUNT MOMMY’ PROUD BY HAVING SEX WITH THE FARM ANIMALS, THE CONGRESSMAN PRACTICES THE BANJO IN  A HAIRSTYLE EVEN WORSE THAN FRANK LUNTZ’S

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Arthur Aidala is here, live in the studio, and the I-Man brings up the Hillary Clinton emails, and Arthur actually DEFENDS the Secretary of State’s position, not wanting to carry a government issue cell phone, and how she shouldn’t need to justify her online correspondence.  JEEZIS!  Is there ANYONE this guy won’t defend?  Even Johnny Cochran had his doubts with O.J.   Aidala would represent John Wayne Gacy by pointing out how much he loved kids.  “Almost to a fault”.  Says Arthur.  

    “HEY POGO!  HOW COME ALL YOUR BALLOON ANIMALS LOOK LIKE NOOSES?”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man admits that he’s in a bad mood.  And he knows why.  Hillary Clinton.  Now he feels BUBBA’S pain.  If only Bubba could feel HIS.

     

    TONIGHT ON ‘CELEBRITY WIFE SWAP’ TWO MEN’S NIGHTMARES

    7:40:18 a.m. –  BLONDE ON BLONDE  Or as we like to call it,  ‘Can you hear the lambs screaming, Clarice?’  The Boss mentions that Deirdre doesn’t want to apologize for dropping the ‘F Bomb’ last night, while, when he says it, he has to make amends almost IMMEDIATELY, or else, Deirdre gives him ‘The Silent Treatment’ for hours.   Um…so don’t EVER apologize to her, I-Man.   For anything.  You found the key!  Set yourself free!

    THE ‘SILENT TREATMENT’  NOW DUCT TAPE HAS A THOUSAND AND ONE USES 

    7:43:58 a.m. –  The ladies discuss the new policy in the New York Public School System, where two Muslim Holidays will now be observed.  Which goes a long way towards better relations between Muslim, Jewish and Catholic Schoolchildren.   Allah Akbar!  God is Great!  NO SCHOOL!

    “HEY HASSAN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I REALLY  APPRECIATE YOU GETTING US OFF THOSE TWO EXTRA DAYS…SO IF ANYBODY IN YOUR FAMILY WANTS A GOOD DEAL ON A FUR STOLE…YOU TELL ME, OKAY?”

    7:50:10 a.m. –  Imus mentions that he woke up to find an iWatch icon on his iPhone this morning that he cannot get rid of, and then says “Hey Deirdre, maybe I need to get me one of those iWatch deals.”  Knowing, of course, that this will set her off like a starving macaque in a berry patch.  She goes from Zero to 100 faster than a Bugatti Veyron, SCREAMING about Radiation on his wrist.  Meanwhile, he’s got an iPhone in his hand the size of an Etch a Sketch that he can’t seem to put down.   He’s already ‘Three Mile I-Man.’

    HE DOES HAVE THAT ‘HEALTHY GLOW’

    WHICH TENDS TO GET STRONGER THE LONGER YOU SIT WITH HIM

    8:05:10 a.m. – Michael Lindell is offering his new Premium Plus Pillows   exclusively to Imus listeners and viewers…not only that, but at 50% off.  Instead of seeing this as a positive thing, and a perk for his loyal audience, the I-Man is incredulous, and, quite frankly, annoyed, as now there is a  NEW pillow he will have to hump, which is BETTER than the original MyPillow, which he influenced a MILLION PEOPLE to buy.  “What do I do with the MyPillow I have NOW?” he wonders, despondent as a lost puppy in the rain in North Korea.   Heavy is the head that wears the crown. 

    MICHAEL LINDELL WITH HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.   SHE DOESN’T SAY MUCH, BUT SHE’S VERY HUGGABLE

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Dagen does a story about a real estate developer who is planning on opening the largest mall in America, this one in Miami, which will be even bigger than the ‘Mall of America’ in Minneapolis Minnesota.  “All I know is, it better have a Cinnabon and Piercing Pagoda”  she threatens.  We know that’s how we like to spend our Saturdays.  Going to the Pagoda to get a silver railroad spike shoved through our tongues and then immediately chowing down on a White Hot Cinnamon Roll, with icing at approximately the temperature of molten lava.

    THIS IS WHAT, IN MARKETING, YOU CALL A ‘CO-PROMOTION’

    8:35:00 a.m  – James ‘Serpenthead’ Carville is on, also defending Hillary, by saying that the story comes from Republican Staffers looking to smear her.  Just like the Weapons of Mass Destruction Story, which was ‘leaked’ by Dick Cheney…through his office, where Mary Matalin, (James’ wife) worked as Mr. Cheney’s ‘Counselor’.   We wonder how James didn’t find this info sitting on her bed stand, but we guest there’s just a lot of trust in that marriage.  Although, we imagine that when James brings up the name ‘Hillary’, he gets the same reaction out of Mary that the I-Man gets out of Deirdre when he brings up the name ‘Thimerasol’. 

    “DID YOU JUST SAY THE ‘H’ WORD?”

     “DID YOU JUST SAY THE ‘V’ WORD?”

    8:40:16 a.m. – Imus asks James about Billy Joe Shaver, and is shocked to discover that Carville, a man who is a country music fan, doesn’t know who he is.  Bigfoot chimes in and says he wishes HE didn’t know who Billy Joe Shaver is.  The I-man accuses Bigfoot of holding that opinion because he “hate(s) White People.”   “Just one.”, Mr. Bowman says.  Indeed.

    WHO IS THAT MASKED MAN?

    OF COURSE, ‘TONTO’ IN SPANISH MEANS… ‘STUPID’

    8:58:19 a.m. – While further discussing the Carville/Billy Joe Shaver Outrage, Dr. Bill  says he knows who Billy Joe Shaver is, “He’s the guy who shot a man in the face.”    “So did Bill Clinton…though it wasn’t a guy.”  Good one, I-Man.  We guess Bubba was really aiming for her eye.

    “AWW…MAN!  WE ARE NEVER GONNA GET THAT OUT. 

    YOU GOT ANY CLUB SODA?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    MARVIN GAYE ‘GOT TO GIVE IT UP’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75BlzjqGVcc

    “OH, DADDY, DON’T BE STUPID…PUT THAT DOWN.  YOU’LL HURT YOURSELF.”

    AND IN A MASHUP WITH

    PHARELL AND ROBIN THICKE

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhr3XL78mk8 

    Nahhhh.  They don’t sound ANYTHING alike!

    (Um…yes they do.)

     

    IF THEY’D ONLY DONE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEN THEY WOULDN’T BE OUT 7.4 MILLION  DOLLARS

    Tuesday
    Mar102015

    A Cat with Broken Knees

    6:06:06 a.m. –     Theresa Burney, the I-Man’s hair stylist here at Fox, is not at work today.  Apparently, her cat…broke its knees.  “Who knew cats even HAD knees?” the Boss queries.  How does a cat break its’ knees?  We’re guessing ‘Carmine’ wasn’t happy about her ‘Being late on the Vig.’  Cats usually land on their feet.  Unless they chase a mouse through a 5 story window.

    THE PROBLEM IS YOU NEED A REALLY TINY PEN TO SIGN THE CAST

    6:07:59 a.m. –     Imus mentions Apple’s latest gadget, The i-Watch. Which, he says, he will not be getting.   Not even the 17 thousand dollar version.  He’s holding out for the 250 thousand dollar Platinum and Diamond Rolex.  Which, by the way, won’t let him read email, take pictures, or give him directions.

     

    ROLEX OR i WATCH?

    FLAVA FLAV HAS MADE HIS CHOICE

    6:09:18 a.m. – Ashley Webster thought he was going to be on Psychos today, based on Dagen McDowell sending him her topic.  Apparently, he’s been replaced by a TRUE Psycho:   Dr. Bill Evans. 

    DR. BILL FORECASTS THAT THE SPACE PEOPLE WILL BE HERE TO BRING US TORNADOS.  SO BETTER WEAR YOUR ALIEN GEAR

    6:17:44a.m. –  Imus got himself a new Bloomer Trailer, outfitted by Outlaw Conversions, replete with two Direct TV units so he won’t miss a second of Downton Abbey.  Unfortunately, they weren’t working so he called customer service and spent more than an hour and a half on the phone with the pinheads at customer service.  That is, when he finally got through to customer service, after using the ‘Digital Assistant’, which, as you know, isn’t all that great with Voice Recognition.  Imagine a computer with faulty voice recognition ‘speaking’ to an old DJ with faulty sound recognition.    “Listen you bastards…”  “You want me to speak faster.”  “No, I want my F***ing Direct TV to work.”  “You’re looking to work at Direct TV. Press 5 for our HR department.  Direct TV is an equal opportunity employer.  We even hire Old Deaf People.”

    DIRECTV ATTEMPTS TO PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR THE INEVITABLE, IMMINENT I-MAN ASSAULT

    6:22:10 a.m. –  Ashley Webster responds to the report that Apple’s new I-Watch will be released in April, he reveals that he has a ‘Watch Fetish’.  Which doesn’t mean ‘He Likes To Watch’, it means he likes wrist worn timepieces.  Although with the new i-Watch, you CAN watch.  Streaming Porn.  Which you can already do on your phone, so it doesn’t look like the guys penises are the size of a safety pin. 

    “WOW!  LOOK AT THAT WATCH!”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  We are joined this morning by a REAL American Hero, Staff Sergeant Travis Mills, who was rendered a quadruple amputee during his service in Afghanistan.  A true profile in courage, he’s on to promote his Travis Mills Foundation’s new project, a private retreat in Maine for his fellow wounded warriors and their families.   And the I-Man worries they’re not going to be able to get DirecTV there.

    IN CASE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IT...THIS IS WHAT COURAGE LOOKS LIKE

    7:16:46 a.m. – Imus recaps the Theresa Burney Cat story, and relates a series of the more ridiculous excuses people who have worked for him used to take off work.  Like a grandmother who’s died 9 times.  So Theresa already has her next excuse.  She’s good for 8 more with the cat.

    LOOKS LIKE THE I-MAN WILL HAVE TO GET HIS HAIR DONE AT HOME AGAIN.  THERESA’S CAT IS DOWN TO 7 NOW

    7:37:42 a.m. –  PSYCHOS   Dr. Bill is upset that the City is not prepared for the next hurricane.  Dagen saw a bunch of kids destroy some patio furniture, Deirdre takes issue with people who are their cell phones during dinner, and Nat hates people who are late.  (His girlfriend.  Which, as you might imagine, does not sit all that well with her)  Apparently because Nat sweats like Mike Tyson at a Spelling Bee, or a Priest caught with a copy of ‘Boys’ Life’, he has to wait until the last possible minute to put his pants on so it doesn’t look like he took a shower in his street clothes.  Therefore, promptness is preferred.  Good thinking, Nat.  At least the warmer weather is coming so that way you can go back to going outside without your pants.

    “CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, BRO?  SHE’S LATE AGAIN!”

    8:05:10 a.m. – The Boss isn’t happy with the current Presidential Candidates.  Jeb Bush, “Looks like a suit dummy at Joseph A. Banks.” And he’s not looking forward to going through “The whole Clinton thing” again.  Perhaps because Hilary looks like a ‘Pantsuit Dummy’ at Lane Bryant.

    THIS STYLISH NUMBER COMES IN EVERY COLOR…EXCEPT BLUE.  WONDER WHY?

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Imus is still incredulous at Theresa’s absence excuse.  He maintains that if the cat is injured, “Take him to the Vet…and tell him, ‘Fix my pussy’”   He says that he says this so you don’t have to, because he KNOWS that’s what you’re thinking.

    “YOU’RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHERE THIS WOMAN PUT HER CAT.”

    8:35:00 a.m  –  I-Fave, Frank Rich, is the guest.  They discuss Larry David’s new Broadway Show, ‘Fish in the Dark’, which he says is hysterical, even though it’s basically a two hour episode of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ .  The Boss asks Frank how he would review the show if he were still the Times’ Theater Critic.  Frank answers that, he’d pretty much say the same thing, but it wouldn’t make any difference.  The show is already SRO for the entire limited run, and, despite his savaging of Phantom of the Opera, not only is it STILL running, it’s the longest running Broadway Show in HISTORY.  Which is why Andrew Lloyd Webber keeps his beautiful daughter Imogen in ‘Solid Gold Knickers’.

    HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THIS ( L ) CAME OUT OF THAT ( R )

    8:55:16 a.m. -  Off air, the I-Man mentions that he had one of those ‘Protein Boxes’ from Starbucks while he was in Texas, which includes a plastic pouch of Peanut Butter that he usually struggles with to open.  Wyatt observes that “Pretty soon, ALL of your food will be in a tube.”   Boom!  The Wy-Man from the Blue Line!   We concur, however, the possibility does exist that Deirdre might chew his food for him, and then spit it into his mouth like he was a baby bird.

    NOW THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL ‘TOTALLY ORGANIC’

     

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WHICH CLIP IS FUNNIER?

      

    FRANK RICH’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED HBO COMEDY

    “VEEP”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntKOG_KzAlw 

    OR

    BILL COSBY’S CREEPILY DISTURBING PROMO FOR HIS UPCOMING SHOW IN WEST VIRGINIA?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3pZqgX4Src

    Friday
    Mar062015

    "Deirdre" is Here!

    6:06:06 a.m. –     Deirdre can’t come in to the studio today because she has to pack and get Wyatt and the Dogs ready to fly to Texas this morning.  So the I-Man has ‘Deirdre’ fill in for her.  She looks suspiciously like Dagen’s sister Megan, and, there must be a lot of calories in a totally organic, Vegan diet, because it looks like ‘Deirdre’ weighs about 300 pounds.

    THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET VACCINATED.

    6:09:18 a.m. – Connell reports on two separate plane incidents.  One, at LaGuardia, where a Delta flight had a hard landing and skidded off the runway into an embankment just a few feet from the water.  The other was Harrison Ford, who crash landed his vintage World War II plane on a Santa Monica golf course, where, as luck would have it, two doctors were playing a round, and ran to the cockpit to provide first aid.   What’s the lesson here?  If you’re going to crash land your plane, don’t do it on an icy runway.  Do it on a golf course on a day when you know Doctors are going to be playing.

    “HEY!  YOU’RE INDIANA JONES! MY KIDS WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT!  CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Dr. Richard Haass is on to discuss the Netanyahu speech and how he believes that any diplomatic agreements made with Iran will probably allow them to keep a few thousand centrifuges and some weapons grade Uranium, and who knows what else.  The I-Man asks “Could you live with a nuclear Iran?”  Dr. Haass provides… “I’d rather not.”   Good call, Doc.  That’s like asking “Could you live with Herpes?”  Of course you could…but if you had your druthers…

    “NO…IT’S JUST A COLD SORE!  I SWEAR!”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Connell reads the sad news that the former Archbishop of New York, Cardinal Egan, has passed.  McShane plays a cut of Cardinal Dolan, the current Archbishop…after which, the I-Man makes the statement…. “Cardinal Dolan is too wacky for me.  It’s like he’s a game show host.”

     

    7:16:46 a.m. –The I-Man gave Judge Judy another go yesterday and has concluded that listening to this old bag yelling at fat losers is not for him. Dagen, however, loves her some Judge Judy. Girl has a “What would J.J. Do” tattoo in the small of her back. Dagen DVR’s episodes of the show. Which means that she has to erase old episodes of Dukes of Hazzard.

    “WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE DUKE BOYS ARE IN TROUBLE AGAIN…THAT CRAZY LADY THEY PICKED UP AT THE STUCKEY’S WON’T SHUT UP…”

    7:19:44 a.m. – Dagen says that the weekend box office champ will probably be  ‘Chappie’ which is a movie about a robot with feelings.  Imus says “We don’t even care about PEOPLE with feelings.”  All we can say is… “Chappie?   Crappy.”

    HE’S NO R2-D2.  OR EVEN  C-3P0

    HE’S $#1T-TY

    7:21:42 a.m. – Ashley has a report about the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS  people spend on their pets.  This leads the I-Man to talk about how Deirdre and Wyatt spend about that much every time they go to the Pet Store, and come home with all these Doggie Toys, every one of which, has a ‘Squeaker’ in it.  Then, when Virgil plays with it and makes a racket, Deirdre has to take it away from her because it irritates the I-Man. Who, by the way, wonders why they keep buying these noisy things, when they know it’s going to get irritating 30 seconds after they give the effing thing to her. Who suffers in this scenario? Poor Virgil the proud Norfolk Terrier, as she always assumed that the Old Bastard in the Cowboy Hat who feeds her… was deaf.

    “HEY ROY ROGERS!  LOOK WHAT I’M DOING.”

    7:40:18 a.m. – HOLLYWOOD AND VINE – with Dagen McDowell, Michael Riedel, and the aforementioned… ‘Deirdre’ XXXL.  Dagen wants to talk about the huge TV hit ‘Empire’, which is essentially King Lear meets Suge Knight, and what she prefers over all the ‘Real Housewives’ reality shows.  Riedel was talking about the article he wrote that will be in the Post tomorrow, about Frank Sinatra’s favorite restaurants.  His research brought him to Pete Hamill, (thanks to the I-Man) who knew Frank, which, when you get to thinking about it, is probably the only way he was going to get any information on the topic…by interviewing people who knew Frank.   Because the closest things to him now are the worms and they’re not talking.  But if they could talk, they could tell you what they ate.  Him.  Finally, “Deirdre” blames show business in general, and Riedel specifically, for the Diabetes epidemic in this country.  Which, isn’t news to us, as we’ve always known that Riedel was ‘Sweet’.

    THE HOLLYWOOD & VINE CREW - THEIR TRIBUTE TO THE FILM CLASSIC, ‘SOME LIKE IT HOT’

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man talks about the ‘Creepy Building’ he passes every morning on the way to the studio…at 64th and 5th, in the Park, next to the zoo. He and Brant look to see if there are any lights on when they pass, which sometimes they are, but the never see anybody inside.  That’s because the mad scientists in there are performing hideous experiments with the Zoo’s monkeys.  As soon as they make a breakthrough, they will be looking for Human Subjects…and they’ve noticed there’s a Black on Black Escalade that passes by every morning at 5:15 a.m.

    THE I-MAN, (FOREGROUND) AND BRANT, FIND OUT THE HORRIBLE SECRET OF ‘THE CREEPY BUILDING IN THE PARK’

     “HEY BRANT…ARE YOUR PEACHES FUZZY?”

    “THEY ARE NOW, SIR.”

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Imus watches a clip of  Patrick Frye, the Executive Director of the Port Authority, responding to the near-tragedy at LaGuardia yesterday afternoon, when that Delta Jet went ice-skating on the runway.  The I-Man opens up to us a little bit, saying that, whenever he sees someone on television, he wonders what they were like as kids, and what their aspirations were when they grew up.   For example, did Mr. Frye envision himself as working for the NYPA?  No.  He wanted to be a cowboy, like everybody else in America.  This reminds him of when he used to watch the little elementary school children from the Rudolph Steiner school holding on to their rope lines crossing the street at 79th street to play in the park, each one more adorable than the next.  He wonders, how these sweet, innocent beautiful little creatures wind up being fat, porn addicted, adulterous, money-grubbing, lying letches.  Well, I-Man, even Pit Bulls are cute when they’re puppies.

    THIS LITTLE BABY DIDN’T REALLY TURN OUT ALL THAT WELL

    8:35:00 a.m  – Juan Williams…(or, as we like to refer to him, ‘Juan Juilliams’, as the J sound in Spanish is pronounced like a W. ) He is live in the studio this morning to talk about a book idea of his, that was inspired by the I-Man, about the Founding Fathers, written from a 21st Century perspective.  Would they be okay with surveillance cameras, Gay Marriage and no slaves?    (That last part was what WE wondered, not HIM, although we do believe George Washington would be flabbergasted by how many people had his last name) 

    WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON AND FRANKLIN:  THREE OF OUR FAVORITE FOUNDING FATHERS

    8:40:16 a.m. - The Boss asks Juan if he listens to any modern music.  Juan says that every year he buys the ‘Grammy’ Album to see what’s new, so we know Juan is rocking in the shower to ‘Uptown Funk’

    “SATURDAY NIGHT AND WE IN THE SPOT….DON’T BELIEVE ME JUST WATCH!” 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Be Careful Driving by That Building in the Park, I-Man  We don’t want you becoming one that Mad Doctor’s Hideous Experiments

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4feQbyy_v1k&list=PLr_KMZOe1VkQQDvbP3nEUYSikwhAhtRMO&index=3 

    Thursday
    Mar052015

    Huevos Rancheros

    6:06:06 a.m. –     We begin with Connell’s clip of Potential Republican Presidential Candidate, Dr. Ben Carson, claiming that homosexuality is a choice, and the evidence of that is many men leave prison…as homosexuals.  Dr. Carson, we know you’re a former neuro surgeon, and so, forgive us if we think you might have actually operated on yourself…because, you’re absolutely right, there is a choice:  You either **** your cellmate’s ****, or let him put his **** in your *****, or you get the **** beat out of you.  Choose wisely.

    “SO…YOU GOT A CHOICE.  YOU WANNA BE THE MAN?  OR THE WOMAN?  BECAUSE, EITHER WAY, YOU’RE GONNA GET ASTERISKED”

    6:09:18 a.m. – The I-Man is opting for the Huevos Rancheros at Fresh and Co., which he’s going to try this morning because he’s sick of the food offerings at Starbucks.  The tasty, nutritious breakfast is 697 calories, AND  features two eggs your style, quinoa, sautéed kale and onions, avocado, and tortilla strips.  Beats the Protein Box at Starbucks, if only because he doesn’t have to try and open a pouch of peanut butter.

    LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT.

    6:21:14 a.m. –  Bernie has clips of Jon Stewart addressing the Hillary Clinton email controversy.  As always, Stewart is a scream.  And speaking of screaming, Fox News’ Megyn Kelly  has, what we refer to in the ‘business’, as a ‘conniption’, about how Secretary of State Hillary Clinton may have committed a felony by sending digital correspondence through her own, personal server…and, therefore, should get the electric chair. 

    ONE OF THE 55,000 EMAILS MADAME SECRETARY IS RELEASING TO THE PUBLIC  SHE ALSO HAS A VERSION WHERE SHE SAYS SHE’S A NIGERIAN PRINCE

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man considers using our Weather Guru, Dr. Bill Evans, for an edition of  ‘Psychos’, although that term might be too ‘on the nose’.   Dr. Bill is, obviously, is one cold front away from snapping completely, and climbing up a weathervane with a high powered rifle and a scope. 

    DR. BILL GOES ALL ‘ISOBAR’

    7:31:44 a.m. –  PSYCHOS 2   This time, with more ‘Bo-Itation’ than ever…Bo Dietl is here instead of Ashley Webster, who filled in last week…and although he brought a certain European Flair to the proceedings…there is nothing quite like an American Made, 100%, Over the Top, Irritation-a-tation Situation.  This morning, Bo goes BALLISTIC over the ‘Stop and Frisk’ rules that don’t allow police to ‘Toss’ suspects as they see fit.  We think it has more to do with the definition of the word ‘Toss’.  Where, technically, it should be defined as ‘To Search A Person’… Bo perceives the term: as  ‘To Throw Someone Out A Window-a-tation.”

     BO WILL ‘CHECK-I-TATE’ WHAT’S IN THIS GUY’S POCKETS DOWN ON THE SIDEWALK…WHICH WILL BE EASIER NOW AS HE WON’T BE MOVING AROUND

    7:34:37 a.m. –   Bernie is incensed by people who pronounce the word ‘Ask’  as… ‘AXE’.  Well, let us ‘AXE’ you a question, Bernard.  What do you call that Body Spray that’s so popular among the kids these days?

     AN ‘ASK’ WIELDING PSYCHO

    7:37:11 a.m. –   Deirdre is honked off at the I-Man.   Apparently, he has so many ‘My Pillows’ on their bed that, between those and the wet parts of the mattress, she can’t find anywhere she can sleep.

    “OH, DEIRDRE...COME AND FIND MEEEEEEEEE…”

    7:39:08  a.m. –   Alan Colmes has had it with the racism, misogyny and…well, pretty much everything with and about Republicans.  Which, as you can imagine, does not sit well with anybody else at the Bund meeting.  Bo clubs Colmes like a baby seal, and Deirdre kicks a hole in the ice to drop the carcass in.  Bernie just stands on the side and says “I don’t see…NOTHING!”  Gunz makes a snow cone.

    THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A BRUISE

    7:42:08 a.m. –   And while we’re on the subject of Gunz, and being stupid, he attempts to suck up to the Boss by saying he’s tired of people who don’t like the rodeo and don’t believe that everybody wants to be a cowboy…like Davy Crockett.   Um….Gunz.  Davy Crockett was a cowboy?  So…does that mean that the Pilgrims were all cowboys too?  Hm…well, they did wear stupid hats.  We’re sure Gunz will surprise us by saying that Thomas Edison was a Bull Rider.

    LITTLE GUNZ GOES TRICK OR TREATING AS A ‘COWBOY’

    8:05:10 a.m. – Dagen brings up Gunz’s ‘Faux Pas’, (Which Gunz, BTW, pronounces “Fox Pass”) in referring to Davy Crockett as a ‘Cowboy’.  The I-Man says he heard that too, but decided to let it slide, and the staff all agree to not correct Gunz any more.  They believe it’s much funnier to let him make these uninformed assertions unchallenged, which will only serve to further prevent ANY woman from having sex with him.

    OKAY, THEY LIED.  THEY COULDN’T HELP HIM.  BUT NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING, HE’S JUST BEEN FILED UNDER “HOPELESS CASES”

    8:16:32 a.m. –  The I-Man promos the upcoming appearance of Tom Friedman, by saying “Coming up…’Commie Talk’ with Tom Friedman.”    He’s kidding, of course, but we know, somewhere, MSNBC is already testing that very same program.

    WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED

    8:19:00 a.m  – The I-Man watched ‘Judge Judy’ yesterday afternoon, and, disappointingly, was not impressed.  “Who wants to watch fat, white, Hillbillies getting yelled at by this old bag?”  Um…Dagen, for one.  Apparently, lots of members of her family are litigants on the program.  She insists that, “This is America.”  Imus counters with: “That’s not the kind of people I see out at Teterboro.”   That’s because Hillbillies land their private Jets at Republic, in Suffolk County, New York.

    THIS IS AMERICA, Y’ALL…WE PARK OUR PLANES OUTSIDE THE TRAILER…MINE’S OVER THERE UP ON THEM BLOCKS.”

    “COOTER AND ME DONE TOLD DAGEN SHE COULDN’T PARK THAT DANG THING NEXT TO THE BARN…IT SCARES THE PIGS.”

    8:40:12 a.m. –  Tom Friedman is on for ‘Commie Talk’, and surprisingly the 3 Time Pulitzer Prize Winner discusses what is beginning to look like ‘Email-Gate’.  Friedman believes it’s going to be an ongoing problem for her.  Upon hearing this, Hillary Emails the I-Man… “What DIFFERENCE does it make?”  

    “OH, DAMMIT!  I HATE  WINDOWS 8.1!  IT MAKES ALL MY EMAILS LOOK LIKE I’VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING SHADY!”

    8:41:09 a.m. –  The conversation then turns to Netanyahu’s speech to Congress.  Mr. Friedman concedes that Bibi actually had a few GOOD points to make…as, he, too, is concerned with Iran getting ‘The Bomb’, as it would trigger a ‘Domino Effect’ with other Arab nations, speeding up their efforts to get ‘The Bomb’.  During the ‘Cold War’, the U.S. and Russia had a policy commonly referred to as ‘M.A.D.’, ‘Mutually Assured Destruction’ that helped to prevent the two nations from blowing each other off the map, as there would be no winner.  We never knew that.  We just assumed M.A.D. was ‘Mothers Against Drunks’.    In the Middle East, however, M.A.D. is what they put on the bottom of the Invitations when they hold a ‘Kegger’ in the desert.

    “OKAY.  I NO POINT MISSLE AT U.S.A., AND YOU LET FIDEL AND ME  BANG MARILYN MONROE.  IS DEAL!”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    FOR GUNZ:

    HIS FAVORITE COWBOY,

    DAVY CROCKETT

     

    HERE, COWBOY DAVY GETS INTO A ‘SHOOTIN’ MATCH’ WITH,

    WAIT FOR IT…

    BIGFOOT!

      

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2rOs4u3aU8

    AND HERE, COWBOY DAVY ADDRESSES CONGRESS

     (JUST LIKE NETANYAHU)

     

    “BORN TO SECULAR PARENTS IN TEL AVIV,
    NOBODY KNEW WHAT HE WOULD SOON ACHIEVE

    FOREIGN AFFAIRS ARE HIS EXPERTISE

    WON’T EAT MEAT IF IT’S ON THE PLATE WITH CHEESE

    BIBI…NETANYAHU

    KING OF THE BAGEL AND SHMEAR”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lfm1dqPhr0