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    Monday
    Sep162013

    Bo, Lupy, The Great One, and Hannity...Not a Bad Monday

    6:05:00 a.m.  –    I-Man points out there’s an ‘untruth’ on the flap of Mike Lupica’s newest novel, QB1.  He says that ‘He lives in Connecticut with his wife and four children.’  Two reside in New York City and have great jobs, and one is currently attending Boston College.  “If we can’t believe what he writes on the flap, how are we to believe his book?”   And then we point out that QB1 is a novel.  It’s all made up, I-Man.  There was no Ahab or Moby Dick.  Holden Caufield is a figment of J.D. Salinger’s imagination.  But Billy Sol Hargus…HE was real. 

    BILLY SOL ESTES.  THE INSPIRATION FOR BILLY SOL HARGUS.  YOU CAN IMAGINE THIS GUY SLAMMING HIS WEINER IN A WINDOW, CAN’T YOU?

    6:07:56 a.m. – The Region 9 Junior High School Rodeo people have had an epiphany.  They are going to have their rodeos in arenas with handicap access.  We wonder what changed their minds?  It couldn’t be all these phone numbers that Tony and Rob have that they were ready to publish in this very blog, could it?

    CONGRATULATIONS TO THE FOLKS AT REGION 9 FOR FINALLY ‘SEEING THE LIGHT’

    6:15:12 a.m. –  “I got a great email from my good friend…um…my good friend...”  Yup, the I-Man will never forget  ol’ ‘What’sHisName’.   He means Lyle Lovett.  Lyle doesn’t realize that this is his last opportunity to ‘Get Out’…before he actually DOES become the I-Man’s ‘Good Friend’.

    BFF’S DON & LYLE

    6:25:34 a.m. –  Warner reports that The Giants only had 23 Yards Rushing in the big ‘Manning Bowl’ on Sunday, which inspires the I-Man to offer “Rob could’ve rushed for that.”  Only if one of the Manning Brothers held Pork Chop on stick in front of him.  

    ROB RAN FOR 250 YARDS AND SCORED THREE TOUCHDOWNS THAT DAY AT TRAINING CAMP

    6:40:45 a.m. –  Bo Dietl...is one of our favorite guests…and is on to provide his unique take on World Events.  We don’t care anything about these World Events, we just want to know who he’s having dinner with at Rao’s and count the celebrity names he drops.  He’s much like Dick Cavett in that respect, although he never mentions Tallulah Bankhead.  We also can’t wait for the daily ‘Bo-ism’, which he provided back in the Green Room.  “You think that Michael Reagan understooditated not to mess with the Bo-Master?” 

    WE WOULDN’T POINT THAT FINGER IN THE ‘BO-MASTER’S’ FACE IF WE WERE YOU, MR. REAGAN.  YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S HOLDING IN HIS RIGHT HAND

    7:02:45 a.m. –  The I-Man talks to Dr. Bill Evans about his boat.  Dr. Bill asks the I-Man if he’d like to ‘go fishing’…we assume it would be one of those ‘Fredo Corleone’ type of trips.

    “JUST KEEP SAYING THE ‘HAIL MARY’, I-MAN”

    7:05:22 a.m. –  “The two guys in the Sonic Commercial…enough.  That girl ‘Flo’ from the Progressive commercials?   Enough. And Papa John…”  The I-Man doesn’t finish his sentence, but we know it has something to do with the ‘Papa’ moniker.  Imus maintains that Dominos and Pizza Hut are his deals.  This from a man who lives in Manhattan…home to the GREATEST pizza in the free world, and he opts for Pies made by Midwest chains that wouldn’t know what real pizza was if their faces were shoved in it.

    A HAND PUPPET FROM PIZZA HUT THAT SAYS ‘TAKE ME HOME’ AND THE I-MAN IS WORRIED ABOUT ‘PAPA’ JOHN?

    7:10:57 a.m. –  The lovely Elizabeth Hasselbeck, late of ‘The View’ is the new co-host on Fox n’ Friends, and today is her first day on set, and the I-Man’s ‘Big Question’ of the day is whether or not she’s as dumb as Gretchen Carlson or Eric Bolling, a question which, even a person suffering from a massive head wound would know the answer to.  It’s a trick question.  NOBODY is as dumb as Gretchen Carlson or Eric Bolling. Or, Steve Doocey, for that matter.

    THE NEW TEAM ON ‘FOX N’ FRIENDS’, TURNS OUT STEVE DOOCEY’S   REPLACEMENT SCORED HIGHER ON HIS S.A.T.S

    7:40:57 a.m. –  Our favorite sports columnist, political columnist and author, Mike Lupica, is on to promote his new Young Adult novel QB1It is most assuredly destined to be a New York Times Besteller, as his previous young adults novels TRAVEL TEAM,  THE BIG FIELD , and THE MILLION DOLLAR THROW.  The prolific Mr. Lupica’s Young Adult novels are widely successful… not quite as popular as the ‘Twilight’ and ‘Harry Potter’ books, however, although his Sports novels are also fantasies, in that they all feature teenagers who don’t have sex.  No wonder the kid’s got a ‘Million Dollar Throw’, he’s got forearms like Popeye from all the masturbating.

    THE RING THAT, APPARENTLY, ALL THE CHARACTERS IN MIKE LUPICA’S BOOKS PROUDLY WEAR. 

    8:05:33 a.m. –   The I-Man talks about all the great kids he’s met at the rodeo…one of whom, Weston Hughes, 15, was smitten with an older woman, 19, and asked the I-Man to ‘Put in a good word’ for him.   When Imus reminded young Wes that his intended already HAD a boyfriend, young Master Hughes replied, “Yeah, but I got Better Game than him.”  You won’t find kids like THAT in Lupica’s books.

    THESE ARE FOUR OF THE HORNIEST HUMANS ON THE PLANET AND, AS SUCH, YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM IN A MIKE LUPICA BOOK

    8:32:33 a.m. –   During the Bernie Briefing, Mr. McGuirk plays a clip of Terry Bradshaw, who, unbeknownst to him, was actually on camera and on mic when speaking with his Fox Sports 1 cohost, the redundantly named Viagra spokesperson Jimmy Johnson, and letting slip with a profanity.  “I wouldn’t f@#$ his ugly ass old mother…God dang it, I got more pride than that.”   The I-Man says “The Headline There is that there’s a person Terry Bradshaw won’t have sex with.”

    C’MON NOW.  WHO’S GOT ‘MORE GAME’ THAN THIS GUY? 

    8:41:56 a.m. –   The GREAT Mark Levin is on.  We’re not sure, he’s somewhat hard to read, but we think we detect that he has just a hint of dissatisfaction with President Obama.  Jesus, is this guy Conservative.  He makes Mussolini look like Alan Alda.  But at least he’s reserved and subtle about it.

    9:05:56 a.m. –  What a treat, Sean Hannity, who, last week, could not appear on the Imus in the Morning Program because he had to help his kids get ready for school, surprises the ‘I-Man’ with an ‘In Studio’ appearance.  His program is going to have a ‘Time Change’, which he told the I-Man, off air, and ‘Off The Record’.  Of course, the minute the I-Dude gets the chance, he starts grilling Sean about it.  Hannity also has an announcement about signing a new radio deal with ‘Clear Channel’.  Which Imus maintains he did not know, despite the fact it was in the Daily News LAST WEEK. 

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE GREAT RILEY B. ‘B.B.’ KING IS 88 YEARS YOUNG TODAY

    THE THRILL IS DEFINITELY NOT GONE

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPlsqo2bk2M 

     

    Friday
    Sep132013

    Friday the 13th!

    6:05:00 a.m.  – Despite the fact that it’s Friday the 13th, The I-Man is a lucky man today…he got a clean bill of health from Dr. ‘Peekaboo’ Woo yesterday…the vocal cord surgery, apparently, went SO well, there’s absolutely NO evidence there was even a node in the first place.  You literally can’t tell the difference between both sides of his vocal chords…except for the ‘Na na na’ side is slightly bigger than the ‘Have Mercy!’ side.

    THE SCOPE PHOTO OF THE I-MAN’S LAST THROAT EXAM

    6:12:56 a.m. –  “I HATE NASCAR.  It’s tedious, the drivers are stupid…”  Um…and water is wet.  What’s your point, I-Man?  What could possibly be tedious about a bunch of goobers making left turns for three and a half hours. 

    THIS IS THE ONLY TIME WHEN NASCAR IS NOT TEDIOUS

    6:34:12 a.m. –  The Bernie Briefing includes a story about hordes of Herpes infected monkeys in Florida.  No one seems to know just exactly how the little Simians contracted the virus, but it’s clear there’s a lot of unprotected Monkey Love going on in the Sunshine State.

    WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL THEM MACAQUES?

    6:40:34 a.m. –  Lori Rothman is on, and is a GREAT guest.  At least that’s what the I-Man says, and we have no reason to doubt him, but we didn’t hear a word she said.  We were watching in the Green Room with the sound down.  Although we know that she is fiercely bright, it is her courage, however that is most impressive. Anybody who will sit in a studio with Melissa Francis without carrying a concealed weapon for protection…is displaying considerable bravery.

    YOUNG MELISSA FRANCIS…JUST BEFORE SHE VISITED HER ‘MOM’ IN THE SHOWER

    7:09:22 a.m. – Imus points out that Jets QB Geno Smith shouldn’t have 3 interceptions as all of his players were wearing light colored uniforms, while all of the Patriots were wearing dark colored uniforms.   Maybe a Southern Black man is just afraid of throwing ANYTHING at something that’s all white.

    “HEY! I’M SERIOUS, WHO’S GOT CHANDLER JONES?  THIS DUDE’S COMIN’ AT ME, MAN!  DO SOMETHING, DAMMIT!”

    7:23:57 a.m. – Elliot Hershberg, trustee of the Frits and Adelaide Kauffman Foundation bid 25,000 dollars to have Rob and Tony ride around the course with his foursome at the Imus Ranch Golf Outing.   He doesn’t want them to play…just be funny for 9 holes.  Which, of course, means he’ll be looking to get some money back.

    THIS FOURSOME ONLY GOT 15 GRAND

    7:40:33 a.m. –   Richard Haass, President on the Council for Foreign Relations, is on to discuss Syria.  We were much more interested in his avocados.  Get it?  Ohhhhhkay.  At this point, Elliot Hershberg already is looking for a refund.

    RICHARD HAASS BELIEVES THE MESS IN SYRIA COULD BE SOLVED IF ONLY ALL PARTIES CONCERNED WOULD JUST ‘CHILLAX’ AND HAVE SOME MARGARITAS AND A LITTLE GUAC

    8:05:33 a.m. –  Imus on why he signed his new contract:  “Somebody made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, and also one that I couldn’t take.”  He’s referring to the ‘Fridays off’ clause that is in his radio contract, but not his TV contract.  He’d fire his agent if it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t use one to negotiate the contract…so he should fire himself.  Then he’d have Monday THROUGH Friday off.

     

    8:05:33a.m. –   Coming out of an off air discussion about taking Viagra AND Cialis together, as we rejoin the Fox TV Audience, the I-Man says “Warner and I have great experience with these…”  “Four hour erections?”  Connell asks.  No, Connell, throat doctors.  Like the great Peek a Boo Woo.   Who, we are sure, can get a four hour erection WITHOUT Viagra and Cialis.

    NO, THIS IS NOT A PUSSY WITH A HUGE BONER.  IT’S MERELY A CAT SITTING ON ITS TAIL.  WHICH, BY THE WAY, STILL MADE HIM VERY POPULAR IN THE LITTER BOX

    8:15:56 a.m. –   Dr. Lloyd Hoffman sends the I-Man an email with some Yom Kippur wishes, part of his atonement is adding Imus to his prayers, causing the I-Man to wonder what Dr. Hoffman actually did to him to make him need to atone.  He includes a Hebrew Word which, is either misspelled, or not one that Warner is familiar with.  We think it’s ‘Megillah’, which refers to the Scroll of Esther.   And also the name of a cartoon gorilla.

    NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT MAGILLA WAS AN ORTHODOX JEW (notice the yarmulke)

    8:41:56 a.m. –   Bob Beckel is the guest.  We can’t wait to hear how he used to abuse alcohol and cocaine in the 80’s and how he divorced his golf pro wife, essentially receiving 4 golf lessons that cost a half a million dollars.  How can we get him to stop doing the same material?  Well…we start with this leper over here…

    EVEN ‘MAMA T’ IS SICK OF BECKEL’S SHTICK

    9:05:56 a.m. –  The I-Man offers some valuable advice to Tony for these ‘Powell to the People’ pieces he’s been producing of late.  He suggests Tony find cabbies who barely speak English and then explain to them how to pick Football games.  What the I-Man seems to forget…Tony has a hard enough time hailing a cab as it is…finding one driven by someone who doesn’t speak English…nah, that’s no problem at all.

    “SORRY, MY FRIEND.  I’M NOT GOING UPTOWN.”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    COURTESY OF THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC WILD CHANNEL, THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION:

     ‘WHAT WOULD A MONKEY DO WITH A FOUR HOUR ERECTION?”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lW9FTjsspM

     

    Thursday
    Sep122013

    Are You Smarter Than Gunz?

    6:05:06 a.m.  –   “Is it me, or does EVERYBODY hate Dennis Miller?”  The I-Man’s opening words this morning.  We are not sure what prompted this observation, nor why he felt a burning need to begin the program with the query, but, since he asked…no, he is not.  We are not fans of arrogant, self-righteous, condescension and arcane references.  But then again, we could just be as uninformed as Rene’ Guenon wearing an Elijah Cook Jr. T-Shirt to a Tim Minchin concert.  Do you know what we mean?  No.  Of course not.  But we don’t think Dennis Miller does either.

    LOOK UP ‘SMUG’ IN THE DICTIONARY AND YOU WILL FIND THIS PICTURE

    6:05:23 a.m. –  “I LOVE Stuart Varney.”  This seems a somewhat ‘Out of the Blue’ proclamation, until we discover that Stuart has brought a gift for the I-Man, a  DVD of the Eagles’“The Farewell I Tour Live  From Melbourne”.   Dennis Miller should start thinking about hitting Amazon and ordering at LEAST a copy of “Delbert McClinton’s Greatest Hits Re-Mastered”.   Which, to our knowledge, does not yet exist, but if Miller wants to get back on the I-Man’s good side, we suggest he get his ass into a studio with the original tapes and get busy.

    WHEN YOU’RE A GUEST ON THE IMUS IN THE MORNING PROGRAM, IT HELPS TO BE A ‘GEEK BEARING GIFTS’

    6:24:12 a.m. –  “Where are we going with this?”  Which sounds like a question regarding the direction the program is taking…but was actually what Teresa, the Fox Hairdresser charged with the impossible task of making the I-Man’s mane look ‘camera ready’, wants to know what he’s thinking about with this latest ‘Look’.   Where’s he going?  On the inevitable trip to the dirt nap.  And hopefully, he will still have a thick, full head of hair when he does.

    TERESA WORKING ON THE “I-MANE”

    (FYI…THAT IS A COWBOY HAT ON HIS LAP BUT HE’S NOT HAPPY TO SEE YOU)

    6:40:34 a.m. –  The aforementioned I-Fave, Stuart Varney is on, and makes it clear that he does not like Obama, the Eagles, Bill de Blasio.  He may as well add Mom and Apple Pie to that list.  Limey bastard.   We got three words for ya, Stuart.  ‘Battle of Saratoga’.  How’d that one work out for ya?

    “WE WIN THIS BATTLE IN THE HOPES THAT, ONE DAY, A BRITISH CITIZEN WHO RIDES A TRACTOR WEARING SANDALS AND WHITE SOCKS WILL BRING AN EAGLES DVD TO A MORNING RADIO SHOW HOST.  GOD BLESS THE COLONIES!”

    7:05:43 a.m. – Warner reports that Mark Sanchez needs to have ‘Soldier Surgery’.  We assume he’s just having a ‘Dr. Bill Evans Moment’, and that he means ‘Shoulder Surgery’.  Not that he needs to have an Infantryman removed from his back.

    FROM THE LOOKS OF THIS ‘BUTT FUMBLE’ PHOTO, IT APPEARS SANCHEZ NEEDS TO HAVE A ‘GUARD’ REMOVED FROM HIS LEFT CHEEK

    7:09:22 a.m. – Imus asks Bernie a question, but Bernie is already on his way to the Fox Studios for the Mensa Meeting, so, essentially, he is speaking to an empty chair.  “We finally have our Clint Eastwood moment", Connell observes.  Advantage: McShane.

    IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

    7:40:57 a.m. –  The Mensa Meeting.   This is the first time it will be convened with Gunz as an official, permanent member.  Don’t give yourself a headache trying to figure out how Gunz and the concept of people who score at the 98th percentile or higher on a standardized, supervised IQ test.  He’s there because Deirdre and Dagen think he’s ‘cute’.     

    GUNZ PREPARES FOR HIS FIRST APPEARANCE AS AN ‘OFFICIAL’ MEMBER OF THE MENSA MEETING

    8:05:33 a.m. –   Warner reveals that Gunz will not be in studio tomorrow or Monday, as he will be in Chicago deejaying some big event, and suggests that he might look up Carley’s fiancée’, Pete, to profess his love for Carley.  Warner is of the mind that perhaps a confrontation might ensue.  As Carley’s fiancée was a former NFL candidate, and Gunz makes the cliché 98 pound weakling look like Lou Ferigno…we think not.  Warner believes there might actually be…a ‘duel’.

    GUNZ AND PETE VIE FOR THE HAND OF THE FAIR CARLEY

    8:11:33 a.m. –   Dagen reveals that Carley is wearing ‘Leg Makeup’.  Really?  LEG MAKEUP?  We might have to see that.  We DID notice they were all sparkly and stuff. 

    THAT’S A PRETTY SNAPPY LOOKING SET O’ GAMS.  MAKEUP OR NOT

    8:41:56 a.m. – Mary Matalin has called in sick this morning, and so will not be a guest, as she had been scheduled to be.  We wonder with what she could possibly have been stricken that would render her unable to pick up a phone, but the I-Man hypothesizes that  she was sickened by the Vladamir Putin letter to America on the Op Ed Page of this morning’s New York Times.

    POOR OL’ MARY’S ILLIN’

    9:09:56 a.m. –  The ‘Wy-Man’ ropes in 9 seconds flat.  Imus has Bigfoot play a video of the Rodeo prodigy roping a calf from Joe Beaver’s roping last weekend, and, we have to say, that boy’s got a future.  It’s a talent that will come in handy, as it won’t be very long before he will need to get on horseback and chase down and rope the old man when he starts wandering off.

    “DAMMIT, MOM!  DAD ESCAPED AGAIN!”

    9:19:36 a.m. –  The I-Man tells us that he has to interview a Spanish Tutor for Wyatt this afternoon, and wants to impress her with his proficiency in the language.  He asks Rob what he should say when he meets her. Rob offers the following:   “Hola, señora.  Me llamo Don Imus.  Encantada de conocerte    ¿Le gustaría ver a mi pinga, puta?”  Which means, “Hello Madam.  My name is Don Imus.  Pleased to meet you.  Would you like to see my penis, you whore?”

     DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH, MORON?

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A SIMPLE IQ TEST TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE SMARTER THAN GUNZ

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0xtJxf75ME 

     

    You only found 3, didn’t you?

    Wednesday
    Sep112013

    Remembering 12 Years Ago Today

    6:05:00 a.m.  – We begin the program with the news that Eric Salgado, Neil Grimaldi, Sal Albanese, and Randy Credico all finished BEHIND Anthony Weiner in the Democratic Mayoral Primary yesterday.  If you can’t get more votes than a guy who texted pictures of his dick…you might want to reconsider your political aspirations. 

    FUTURE WAL-MART GREETERS CREDICO, SALGADO, ALBANESE AND GRIMALDI

    6:07:56 a.m. –  The I-Man reports that Sean Hannity was invited to be a guest on the program, but turned us down, because, according to his ‘people’…he’s busy with his kids going back to school.   We can’t imagine that sticking a PB&J into a brown paper bag, helping to pack a knapsack and walking the little knotheads to the bus stop would be so overwhelmingly time-consuming that he couldn’t spend 7 minutes to have a little on-air chat with the I-Man, but, apparently, that’s the case.  It’s not like the kids are being ‘Home Schooled’.  How about you hire some help, Sean?  We’re sure there’s an illegal Mexican Woman out there who is looking for some work.  Why not ask your landscaper if he’s got a sister?

    6:15:12 a.m. –  The I-Man will be getting a new, Gold, iPhone 5s when it comes out next Friday.  And you won’t.  And he will spend all morning insuring that you know that fact.

    THE I-MAN’S NEW IPHONE 5s IN A ‘RETRO’ CASE

    6:25:34 a.m. –  We have no 6:30 guest and so the I-Man tells Warner to take as much time as he wants for the Sports….WHAT?????  Does he know what he just did?  He gave the keys to the bank to Willie Sutton.  We can expect the results of the OshKosh International Tiddlywink Finals.   Turn your sets off…NOW.

    WARNER BE ROCKIN’ THAT TARTAN PLAID SPORTSJACKET

    6:55:45 a.m. –  Imus promotes ‘Blonde on blonde’.   “Deirdre and her Mom will be here to discuss the isshes…”   Lis Wiehl LOVES when the I-Man does that.  Because she knows there is no other 87 year old woman who looks as good as she does.

    LIS WIEHL IN THE GREENROOM, WAITING TO GO OUT ON SET FOR THIS WEEK’S ‘BLONDE ON BLONDE’

    7:09:22 a.m. –   Imus asks Dagen whether she saw the new Miley Cyrus ‘Wrecking Ball’ video, and if she is attracted to the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana.  It’s a yes and no deal.  The ‘yes’ being she HAS seen the video, the ‘no’, she finds Miley a little too ‘Mannish’ for her.  “Connell is more feminine than she is.”  Although we find her remark quite gratuitously hurtful…we somewhat agree with her assessment.

    NOW, THIS IS WHAT IS CONSIDERED A ‘HANDSOME’ LOOKING WOMAN

    7:40:57 a.m. – “Blonde on Blonde”…or as we like to call it, “Where’s that Viagra when I need it?”    The ladies discuss the new Miley Cyrus video, and whether they would allow their daughters to be filmed swinging naked on a wrecking ball, which, they emphatically maintain, they would not.  The real question should be whether or not THEY would allow THEMSELVES to be filmed swinging naked on a wrecking ball.  Unfortunately, the answer to that question would also be a ‘No’…which is a shame, because we think Lis would be an inspiration to Construction Crews everywhere:   “Hey Granny!  Get off the crane…we got a building to knock down!”

    LIS WIEHL’S ‘WRECKING BALL’

    8:05:33 a.m. –   The ‘Blonde on Blonde’ debriefing takes place, on air, as Imus defends his position that Deirdre’s problem is that she is not precise.  The D-Woman did not provide an accurate account of her whereabouts on 9-11 enough to the I-Man’s satisfaction, and, not uncharacteristically, we  side with Mrs. Imus enough to wish that she purchases a ‘My Pillow’ to hold over the I-Man’s face…until he stops thrashing.

    “DIADRO” PLACES A PILLOW OVER “DONALDO”, IN THE MOST RECENT EPISODE OF  “LOS SORDOS VAQUERO FAMILIA”, THE UNIVISION TELE-NOVELA ABOUT THE IMUS FAMILY   

    8:21:33 a.m. –   During a live read for PT-9, yet another Chamonix product that is not specifically designed to, but somehow manages to accomplish, erection enhancement, the I-Man comes of with the Phrase of the Day:  “It’ll put a bumper jack on your wiener.”   It’s like having your own Bedroom Pit Crew.

    PT-9 FROM CHAMONIX…WILL GIVE YOUR WEINER THE ‘BUMPERJACK EFFECT’

    8:41:56 a.m. –   The I-Man discusses Syria with Juan Williams, and whether or not we should trust Putin and Al-Assad.   Them saying they are going to get rid of Syria’s Chemical Weapons is the Geo-Political equivalent of saying, “Don’t worry, I’m just going to put the tip in.”

    THE LAST PERSON TO TRUST VLADIMIR PUTIN

    9:11:56 a.m. –  Imus, comments on our Program Director at WABC Radio, Tony Mascaro, whom he affectionately refers to as ‘Fat Tony’, despite the fact that Mr. Mascaro is not overweight.  “But he has a ‘fat aura’” the I-Man insists.  We wonder how one would sense a ‘Fat Aura’…

    TONY MASCARO AND HIS ‘FAT AURA’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN HONOR OF THOSE AMERICANS WHO WE LOST 12 YEARS AGO TODAY, WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING MUSICAL TRIBUTES

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRvVzaQ6i8A

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xk1P1913y0

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drDSALCKH_Y

     

     

    Tuesday
    Sep102013

    Will the Real Don Imus Please Stand Up

    6:05:00 a.m.  –  The I-Man relates a story about a phone conversation he had with his dear friend, Mike Lupica, yesterday.  Apparently, ‘Lupy’ was was in the car, and, safe driver that he is, was going ‘Hands Free’ and put The Boss on speakerphone.  Unfortunately, unbeknownst to Imus, Mikey’s  lovely wife, Taylor, was in the car with him, and heard every foul and filthy word uttered by The I-Man.   He should’ve known better.  If Lupica is in the car, he is never alone, as he  is in the back in the booster seat.

    LUPICA:  ONE DAY HE WILL BE IN THE ‘BIG BOY CHAIR’

    6:07:56 a.m. –  Dr. Bill Evans will be at the golf outing.  He will be happy to know that the Edgewood Country Club has Valet Parking.  As Lupica will not be in attendance due to a prior commitment on his book tour, Evans will be the subject of the majority of Rob’s material at the dinner that evening.  He thinks his old lady beat him up…

    A QUIET SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE EVANS HOUSEHOLD

    6:40:34 a.m. –  Bernard has said that the I-Man’s hair makes him look like Phyllis Diller.  K.T. suggests he looks more like Albert Einstein.   We, on the other hand, believe he just attempted to pee through a straw.

    WILL THE REAL DON IMUS…PLEASE STAND UP?

    7:03:45 a.m. – Dagen promotes an upcoming story from her Business Report…about a ‘Driverless Car’.  Imus remarks that, back in the old days, with Brant behind the wheel, he also had no driver…and, by the way, no pants.

    UNLIKE BRANT, THE DRIVERLESS CAR…NEVER GETS LOST

    7:17:22 a.m. –   Dagen observes that John Kerry ‘Looks Different’.  His face is much fuller.  She suggests that perhaps he is juicing.  There may be some credence to that theory.  His Batting Average has spiked significantly.

    JOHN KERRY.  JUICING?  WHO’S TO SAY?

    7:40:57 a.m. –  Mike Baker is on to discuss Syria.  Dagen thinks he’s the perfect man.  “He can get it done…and then afterwards, shiv somebody who’s  wronged you.”

    8:05:33 a.m. –   “If you’re rocking those ‘Bling Jeans’, and you got a big ol’ butt…don’t do that.”   The I-Man, imploring Fashion Conscious Big Butted Women everywhere.

    NO ‘BLING’ IF YOU’RE A ‘BIG THING’…UNLESS YOU’RE GOING TO A SIR MIX A LOT CONCERT, IN WHICH CASE, ‘I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE’

    8:27:56 a.m. –  Despite the fact that he watched the VMA’s, TIVOed the VMAs and watched them again with Deirdre and Wyatt, the I-Man was unaware that Rob was actually AT the VMAs, prominently featured in Katy Perry’s final musical number.  Perhaps he just assumed Louie Anderson’s career got a shot in the arm…

    “WHO’S THE FAT DUDE BEHIND KATY PERRY?”

    8:41:56 a.m. –   Fred Dicker is on to discuss Weiner.  Dicker on Weiner.  Sounds like a typical Saturday Night at the Ramrod.    

    DICKER AND WEINER FEELING ‘COCKY’

    9:06:46 a.m. –  Deirdre has sent the I-Man an email.  “You need to go back to wearing the Sports Jackets and Western Shirts and stop talking about women in their jeans.”  He suggests that instead of writing him emails about his appearance and how he should conduct his program, she should be worried about whipping up some lunch for him when he gets home.  We obviously know who wears the jeans in the Imus household.  The I-Man.   At least when Deirdre’s not around.

    A QUIET SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE IMUS HOUSEHOLD

    9:11:56 a.m. –  Imus has made a pronouncement:  From now on, in lieu of the Overly Expensive Joseph Abboud Sports Jackets, and Custom Made Western Shirts, he is going to wear his coffee stained denim jackets and Hanes T-Shirts…or, as the homeless to whom will eventually receive these garments refer to them:  “Formal Wear”

    “GOT ANY MORE OF THOSE NIKES LEFT, I-MAN?”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IS THAT BURGESS MEREDITH?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uORS5QZDIsM