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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

 Deirdre's Dish Pick

Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys- Penne Primavera with Cream Sauce - The tender-crisp crunch of fresh vegetables adds not only healthy nutrition but also texture to this creamy pasta dish.  Serve it with a crisp side salad.

Genetic testing has increased in young women with breast cancer - Most young women with breast cancer appear to undergo genetic testing for mutations in the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, according to results of a cross-sectional analysis of study data.

Report: Harmful gas levels in Lumber Liquidators flooring -  A national retailer sold Chinese-made flooring that emits hazardous levels of formaldehyde, a federal investigation found.

Zika HOAX exposed by South American doctors: Brain deformations caused by larvicide chemical linked to Monsanto; GM mosquitoes a 'total failure'

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat: Why It's So Hard to Think Straight About Animals - Hal Herzog, a maverick scientist and leader in the field of anthrozoology offers a controversial, thought-provoking, and unprecedented exploration of the psychology behind the inconsistent and often paradoxical ways we think, feel, and behave towards animals.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Daytona backs up promise to install SAFER barriers everywhere - Two hours after Kyle Busch slammed into a concrete wall last February at Daytona International Speedway, track president Joie Chitwood III made a stunning vow.
Howard's Future in Houston Uncertain as Rockets Look at Trades - The Houston Rockets, who enter the All-Star break one of the NBA’s most disappointing teams at 27-28 overall, have begun contacting teams about a potential trade of veteran big man Dwight Howard
Kevin Randleman Dies at Age 44 - Former UFC heavyweight champion Kevin Randleman died Thursday night at age 44.
Cameron Smith Fires Early at Pebble Beach - Australia’s Cameron Smith is in a tie for second after the first round of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am.
Los Angeles Kings fall behind quickly in 5-2 loss to New York Islanders - The Kings came up short Thursday night in a 5-2 loss to the New York Islanders at Barclays Center and equally short in trying to explain their inconsistency.
Recent Guests:
    Wednesday
    Dec102014

    Imus vs. Hallak Continued

    6:05:10 a.m. –    Arthur Aidala, who the I-Man attempted to contact yesterday,to secure his services to sue the Hallak Cleaners out of existence…did NOT return ANY of the Boss’ calls.  “That’s because he’s not as good as Joe Tacopina.”  He certainly doesn’t have NEARLY as good a head of hair.

    THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW.  BUT AIDALA WON’T

    6:07:14 a.m. – Imus learns something about himself.  As far as the torture listed on the CIA report goes…he’s okay with most of it.  Including the sleep deprivation and the running around in a diaper.  Probably because the former was something he experienced in the cocaine-fueled 80’s, and the latter…what he is experiencing now.

    THE I-MAN CIRCA 1981: LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW. 

    6:14:36 a.m. – The Boss went to see Dr. Richard Granstein, the head of dermatology at NY Presbyterian Weill Cornell Medical Center.  The I-Man has something on his lip and on his temple that needs to be looked at, and Deirdre and Dr. Lloyd Hoffman went with him.  It’s unusual for a doctor to accompany a patient to ANOTHER doctor, unless, of course, he wants to tell that doctor, “See?  I wasn’t kidding about this guy!”. 

    “TAKE A LOOK AT THIS…HE WANTS TO SUE A CLEANERS BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T GET HIS COLLARS RIGHT…I MEAN, YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP.”    “AND YOU DECIDED TO BRING HIM TO A DERMATOLOGIST AND NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST?”

    6:16:32 a.m. – Imus: “Here’s what I’m not gonna do anymore:  I’m not gonna wish anybody a ‘Happy Birthday’.  There are 7 Billion people on the planet.”  That is,  unless you’re born on February 29th.  Mathematically, you were born on the same day as 19,178,082 other people on earth.  859,178 of whom reside in the United States, 3.7 million in China and 3.2 million in India.  That means that a little less than 20 million people were also born on Christmas Day.  So even JESUS ‘Special Day’ is not all that special…well, maybe a little more special than yours.

    “HEY, YOU GONNA TRY TO BLOW OUT ALL THE CANDLES THIS YEAR, JESUS?  OR SHOULD WE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AGAIN?”

    6:18:47 a.m. – “What is George Strait doing that he can’t sing the National Anthem at the National Finals Rodeo?”  Imus is incensed, because George Strait is holding his own Team Roping Classic on March 13th and 14th at the San Antonio Rose Palace.  He’s a passable roper himself.  So the tie-in would seem obvious.  Much like it would be if Imus were to be asked to be the Keynote Speaker for the American Lung Association Convention.

    “HANG ON A SECOND…LET ME CATCH MY BREATH…I JUST WALKED TO THE PODIUM FROM THAT CHAIR HERE NEXT TO THE PODIUM.  LEMME GET A HIT OFF THAT OXYGEN TANK YOU GOT THERE, OKAY, CHAMP?”

    6:38:08 a.m. –  Mike Baker phones in to talk about the CIA Torture Report.  He takes exception to the timing of its’ release, as he was in the midst of an interrogation himself, and was barely able to get enough ice from room service to fill the bathtub.  He appears distracted, but only because while he’s talking to the I-Man, he’s attaching the jumper cables on the car battery to the nipples of his ‘detainee’.    

    OF COURSE, WHEN THEY LIKE THAT SENSATION, THE EFFICACY OF THE TECHNIQUE BECOMES A MOOT POINT

    7:05:10 a.m. – Imus announces that Steve Kenyon, the Radio Rodeo Commentator for the NFR will be the 830 guest.   As Bigfoot puts Steve’s picture up on the screen, uncharacteristically, the I-Man makes the observation that perhaps between now and when he appears, Mr. Kenyon might “Want to hit that salad bar.”    He also might want to be careful while he’s out in Vegas, as somebody might attempt to rope and tie…him.

    THAT’S ONE CALF YOU’LL NEVER MISS

    7:32:10 a.m. –  BLONDE ON BLONDE – The girls…sorry…women…discuss torture.  Irony?  Who’s to say?  That conversation leads to discussion about topics such as ‘What kind of cookie will you leave for Santa?’  ‘Were you ever a girl scout?’ and, ‘Will you take your top off?’.   Sorry, that last one was OUR topic, after Imus ordered them to do so.

    NOTE:  THE BAR COVERING DEIRDRE’S BAZOOMS IS LARGER AND HIGHER,  THAN THE ONE COVERING LIS’

    8:06:32 a.m. –  Imus is frustrated, he says that he’s tired of working for people who don’t have the ‘Will to Win’.  He’s a winner who brings the noise, and the funk EVERY day.  The Reverend Jonathan Mason, Sales Manager of WABC, emails the Boss, and writes that yesterday, the radio station’s sales department sold 8 Million dollars in advertising...IN ONE DAY.  So who do you think was responsible for that?  That’s right.  Curtis and Kuby.

    8 MILLION DOLLARS?  THAT’S AN AWFUL LOT OF SPOTS FOR PENIS ENLARGEMENT TREATMENTS AND RECTAL ITCH CREAM

    8:35:16 a.m. –  Arthur Aidala finally gets back to the I-Man and calls in, ready to bring the heat to Hallak Cleaners.  Arthur says that all it will take is a letter on his stationery that says  ‘If the situation is not rectified immediately, prepare for legal action.’  As opposed to illegal action…which involves a guy name ‘Cheech’ from Brooklyn holding Mr. Hallak’s head on the Steam Press.

    “LET’S SEE IF WE CAN’T GET THOSE WRINKLES OUT OF YOUR FOREHEAD.”

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Steve Kenyon calls in to discuss the National Finals Rodeo.  He and the I-Man discuss Calf Roping, young Rodeo Phenom Marty Yates as well as the Wright Brothers.  No, not those Wright Brothers, but Spencer, Jesse, Cody and Jake, the Brady Bunch of Saddle Bronc Riding. 

     ‘HERE’S THE STORY…OF A DUDE NAMED JESSE, WHO HAD BROTHERS WHO COMPETE IN RODEO, THEY WERE FOUR MEN...SADDLE BRONC RIDING…

    9:05:10 a.m. – Connell reads a story that says a person loses 0.4 inches per decade after you turn 40.  Which means that Warner Wolf used to be 7 foot 8, playing Center for the Mesopotamia Minotaurs. 

    WARNER AT THE ORIGINAL COLISEUM, THE NIGHT HE SCORED 100 POINTS

    9:10:20 a.m. – Billy Joe Shaver is going to be on the program next week.  “You’re a terrorist if you don’t like Billy Joe Shaver.  He’s an American Treasure.”  Does that mean somebody should bury him?

    “LET’S ALL GIVE HIM A BIG HAND…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    On the Second ‘Video of the Day of Christmas, your true love gave to thee:

     

    Will Ferrell in one of the funniest scenes from ‘Elf’

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ_dL_IMPP4

    Tuesday
    Dec092014

    Wrinkles

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man on last night’s Monday Night Football game between the Packers and the Falcons:  “What does Clay Matthews do other than shake his hair like a Finnochio?” 

    FARRAH FAWCETT FINNOCHIO

    6:07:14 a.m. – The wheels are coming off the world.  Civil Unrest, Racial Strife, Tensions in Palestine…there’s a Nor’easter pounding the East Coast.  But the most important issue confronting us this morning:  Two small wrinkles on the Boss’ shirt collar.  How do we know they’re there?  Because he drew our attention to them.  He is going to sue Hallak Cleaners.  They charge 15 bucks to launder a shirt, and they NEVER get them right.  NEVER enough starch.  Imus has already put a Pet Boarding Service out of business.  He is about to put a Dry Cleaner’s notch on his gun.

    DIFFICULT TO SEE BECAUSE THEY BLEND IN WITH THE WRINKLES ON HIS NECK  (ARTIST’S RENDERING)

    6:41:08 a.m. –  K.T. McFarland is on to discuss the CIA Torture Report, and she is uniquely qualified to weigh in on the subject.  Not because she has experience working with the Department of Defense, but because, she, herself, has been the victim of torture…being interrogated by the I-Man.

    K.T. BEING FORCED TO WATCH ‘PETER PAN LIVE!’

    7:05:10 a.m. –  “What the hell happened to Roy Cooper?”   The I-Man is referring to the Father of NFR Cowboys, Tuf and Clint Cooper.  Roy looks like the airbag didn’t go off on his horse.

    HE ACTUALLY LOOKED WORSE IN THE STANDS AT THE NFR

    7:13:26 a.m. –  Dagen reports that Amazon is working on ONE HOUR DELIVERY.  Which STILL won’t be fast enough for the I-Man.    He’ll be standing on the terrace of his Penthouse waiting for his Beatles T-Shirt going… “Come on come on come on come on come on!”

    NOW THIS IS THE KIND OF DELIVERY WE’RE TALKIN’ ‘BOUT

    7:28:36 a.m. –  The I-Man wants to get Arthur Aidala on the phone.  He’s going to sic him on Hallak Cleaners.  This is going to get good.

    “BUT…MR. HALLAK, THE FACT THAT HE IS AN IMPATIENT, OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE, TYPE A PERSONALITY WHO GETS IRRITATED BY MINUTIAE NOTWITHSTANDING, WOULDN’T YOU AGREE THAT 15 DOLLARS TO LAUNDER A SHIRT THAT ISN’T PRESSED CORRECTLY IS…BULLSH*T?”

    7:41:24 a.m. HOLLYWOOD & VINE  which, this morning, should be known as “Hollywood & Mensa”   The panel discusses two pressing Entertainment issues:  The CIA Torture Report and the UVA Rape Case.  Riedel is against the Torture report, because he has first-hand experience with it.  Guantanamo has used some of his columns to get information out of Terrorists. 

    “I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW…JUST PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME READ ANOTHER  COLUMN OF HIS ABOUT THE SPIDER-MAN MUSICAL!”

    8:06:32 a.m. –  Fran Wood, former Columnist for the Newark Star Ledger and erstwhile painter, (3 Rooms 2 Coats…1 Hour! No…not that kind of painter…although she probably would be better suited using a roller than a brush when you see her body of work) has two things going against her:  More free time than she needs, and the I-Man’s email address.  She sees uniquely qualified to critique the program and offer suggestions…because, obviously, as a fledgling painter, she has NO experience with comedy or radio.  She says that if Hollywood & Vine is going to address current events stories rather than show business, Imus must rename the segment lest anyone get confused.  And she doesn’t think that Rob’s Elephant Man is funny… joining Warner Wolf and the I-Man.  (What could these three possibly have in common…other than being alive long enough to remember where they were when LINCOLN was shot.)  We have a suggestion for a new segment starring Fran.  It’s called “Watch, Listen, and Shut the F$#k Up!”   Being that we have NO painting experience ourselves…we feel equally entitled to weigh in on some of Ms. Wood’s oeuvre, as we have done in the past.  Here are some updated observations we made a little more than a year ago when Fran first decided to become the Vox Populi of the fans of the program:

    FRAN WOOD. 

    BACK WHEN SHE PLAYED MISS JANE HATHAWAY IN

     ‘THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

    THIS ONE IS CALLED  “ DOG ABOUT TO TAKE A LEAK ON THE BOY IN THE HAT, AND THEN BITE THE SHARECROPPER ON THE LEFT IN THE ASS”

     

    THIS ONE IS CALLED “AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN, FRAN”  

     

     THIS IS A PIECE CALLED ‘ACAPELLA’, WHICH IS LATIN FOR “A GROUP OF PEOPLE SINGING WITHOUT MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT”…AS OPPOSED TO            

    ‘VETUS PINGERE MULIER SINE INGENIO’   WHICH IS LATIN FOR

    ‘OLD PERSON PAINTING WITHOUT TALENT’

    8:38:14 a.m. – Linda Fairstein is on to discuss the UVA Rolling Stone Article…and her new marriage.  Which, as she is a former District Attorney who prosecuted Sex Crimes, we think might be a bit problematic for her new hubby.  We think the new “Mr. Fairstein” spent the first part of their honeymoon in a small room, under a hot bare lightbulb, getting ‘Voir  Dired’. 

    “OKAY, PAL…YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND JUST GAVE YOU UP…SO I’M GOING TO ASK YOU ONCE AGAIN…HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU REALLY SPEND ON FOREPLAY?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    MAKE THEM JINGLE BELLS RING A DING DING

    AS, ON THE FIRST DAY OF OUR 12 ‘VIDEO OF THE DAY’S OF CHRISTMAS, WE PRESENT: TWO THIRDS OF THE RAT PACK,

    SINGING ‘IT’S A MARSHMALLOW WORLD’

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lPw9hkk3II

    Monday
    Dec082014

    Gettin Ready For Christmas Day

    6:35:08 a.m. – Bo Dietl is on to talk about the Eric Garner situation, and the “Commie Mayor ‘BigBird’”, who Bo suspects is “Smokeatating Weed a little too much.”  Bo was actually a little more  ‘subdued’ than normal.  Which leads us to believe he might have ‘Blown a Fattie’ just before he came on the air.

    WE DON’T KNOW WHO THIS ‘HERB’ GUY IS…BUT HE MUST KNOW HIMSELF PRETTY GOOD.

    7:05:26 a.m. – The I-Man’s Rodeo Favorite, Marty Yates, only 20 years old, once again, put up nearly record numbers last night at the National Finals Rodeo.  Tied the calf in 6.7 seconds. Cody Ohl put up a 6.6…nearly matching the record he set.  with a 6.5 second run in the 2003 Rodeo.  Losing by a mere fraction of a second…has to suck big time.  This coming from two guys who know something about the value of fractions of seconds. At least our wives do.

    MARTY  YATES.  FAST EVERYWHERE…EXCEPT WHEN IT PAYS TO TAKE YOUR TIME.

    7:19:10 a.m. –  Dagen reports a story about McDonald’s new ‘Customized Sandwiches’, in an effort to raise revenue.  “You can even choose your own meat.”  She says.  “Well…beef and chicken.”  We suppose neither of those is her ‘Meat’ of choice.  McDonald’s might need to change their slogan.  “You can’t beat our meat.”   Oh yeah?  Take it from two guys who say… “Oh yes you can.”

    MMMM.  WHO’S HUNGRY AND HAS A DEATH WISH?

    7:32:10 a.m. –  MIGHT BE ELVIS begins with some positive words of inspiration from Reverend J.M. Gates.  (‘Gettin’ Ready For Christmas Day’.)  Unfortunately, the words are a little difficult to understand.  Either Pastor Gates was speaking in tongues, or he was having a stroke during the sermon.  But it didn’t stop the congregation from testifying… “Yeah!”  “Uh huh!”  Like James Brown’s band.  And they couldn’t understand HIM either.

     

    THE ‘OUR FATHER’ AND THE ‘GODFATHER’

    8:06:32 a.m. –  The Boss reports that Bo Dietl is upset with him, and has said he will no longer appear on the program.  No, this is not a ‘copy/paste’ job from the past few times he threatened to quit the show.  This time he means it.   He’s irritate-atated with the I-Man shutting off his mike.  As opposed to all the listeners who wished the I-Man had ‘Done a Marty Yates’.  And turned his mike off in 6.7 seconds.  His own mike, that is.

    DO NOT PISSOFFITATE THIS MAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

    8:16:16 a.m. –  Dagen reports on the sale of the smelliest and most hideous Christmas Gift you might ever get:  A four pound Truffle that sold at auction for $61,000.00.   Hmmmm.  That’s a lot of money for, basically a fungus that a pig snorted out of the ground.  But it’s quite a mushroom.  You don’t usually see them this big outside of a Phish concert.  It’s the size of a baby’s head.  But looks like the Elephant Man’s head.

     

    “I AM NOT A FUNGUS…I AM A HUMAN…BEING…I AM…A MAN!” 

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Jeff Medders, broadcaster for the National Finals Rodeo is on to discuss the ongoing event in Vegas.  The I-Man thanks Jeff for getting up so early, but that’s assuming he went to bed in the first place…it is Vegas, after all.  He makes the observation that Rodeo Athletes are still approachable, and not as jaded by money and success as most of the athletes in all the other sports.  YOU WILL NEVER SEE a Rodeo Star like Cody Ohl saying,  “Cody Ohl is gonna go out there and do what Cody Ohl know how to do, because Cody Ohl is a champion.  Ain’t nobody better than Cody Ohl.  And Cody Ohl won’t be signing no autographs today, so all you kids get out of Cody Ohl’s way or Cody Ohl gonna rope and tie YOU. “

    “CODY OHL ISN’T AFRAID OF MARTY YATES…BUT CODY OHL IS REAL AFRAID OF WYATT IMUS.”

     9:07:14 a.m. – The I-Man overshares:  “I REALLY have to pee.”   As if that’s ever stopped him before. 

    “LOOK, MOMMY!  I MADE PEE IN THE POTTY LIKE A BIG BOY!”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE LEGENDARY REVEREND J.M. GATES

    AND HIS CONGREGATION

    FROM 1927

    A POSITIVE, INSPIRATIONAL, MESSAGE THAT STILL RESONATES TODAY

    “HE WAS BORN IN A MANGER”

      

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om54dn-nhMc 

    Friday
    Dec052014

    Happy Birthday Little Richard!

    6:03:06 a.m. –   “How hard is it to get liquid in your mouth?” the I-Man asks, rhetorically, after spilling Dasani all over himself, mere moments before going on the air.  Well…apparently, very hard.  Thankfully, this isn’t the same kind of ‘Drinking Problem’ he once had… although that one used to cause him to spill stuff on himself too.  These days, he wets himself an entirely different way.

    EITHER BRANT HIT A FEW POTHOLES IN THE LIMO CAUSING THE BOSS TO SPILL HALF A BOTTLE OF DASANI ON HIS LAP…OR HE’S JUST A LITTLE EXCITED

    6:05:10 a.m. –   “I have NEVER seen ANYTHING on TV that sucked more!”  No, he wasn’t watching the Today Show, Imus is referring to an entirely different NBC Train Wreck, last night’s ‘Peter Pan Live’.   The sets were crummy, the costumes were ugly and EVERYBODY in it was terrible.  Awful.  Even Ashley Webster weighs in:  “Allison Williams’ English accent is almost as bad as Neil Cavuto’s Scottish Accent.”   What our mate Ashley does not know, is that Neil starred couple of years ago in a Community Theater production of Peter Pan.  The wire work was especially challenging.

    NEIL: THE BOY WHO WOULDN’T GROW UP

    6:35:07 a.m. –  Angelina Jolie has made a film version of Unbroken, the brilliant book written by Laura Hillenbrand…the I-Man remarks that, not only is the tale of Louis Zamperini an inspiring story of triumph after battling incredible adversity, but the author’s story is quite similar.  He says that she had some kind of disease or condition that was devastatingly debilitating and yet still managed to write two Best-Sellers, Unbroken and Seabiscuit. Dagen looks up what Ms. Hillenbrand suffered from…and, apparently, it was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  The girl be tired all the time.  Which would make it hard to even READ a book, let alone write one, her head falling on top of the computer keyboard.  Some of you may think YOU may be suffering from CFS, but…fear not, it’s just an allergic reaction to listening to the National Finals Rodeo results.

    SHE’D BETTER HAVE ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE

    6:36:08 a.m. – For those of you who have been on Tenterhooks for the past 40 minutes…the I-Man reads the National Finals Rodeo results…ALL the results…every, last, f#$king result.   Which, as if we needed proof of the existence of God, is so tedious that even the I-MAN decides he “Can’t do no mo’” It will be the last time he gives ANY Rodeo Results.  You will have to go to ProRodeo.com.  But for us, It’s all about the barrel racing.  We get where the Steer and Bronc busting comes from, even the calf roping and tying…but it’s the Barrel Racing that intrigues us the most.  When was there ever a time when the Cowboys of the Old West were building this country…that their women had to escape a distillery on horseback?

    PRACTICING AT THE JACK DANIELS PLANT

    6:42:08 a.m. –  Today is the 82nd birthday of the Originator, the Innovator, The Emancipator, The Elevator and The Masturbater…okay…maybe not that, although he DID do it ALL BY HIMSELF…The Architect of Rock n’ Roll, Richard Penniman, the GREAT LITTLE RICHARD!

    BETTER BLOW OUT THOSE CANDLES, RICHARD, THEY’RE GONNA SET YOUR HAIR ON FIRE.  THEN YOU’LL REALLY  GO… WOOOOOOOOO!

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The Boss promotes the upcoming appearance of New York Police Commissioner, Bill Bratton, saying that he hasn’t seen him since the days when he used to hang out at Elaine’s, where he would go all drunk and coked up.   He is amazed that Commissioner Bratton didn’t arrest him, because he had a pocketful of cocaine.  He must have been REALLY drunk and coked up, as Commissioner Bratton was in Boston until 1994, and Imus stopped drinking in 1987 and doing cocaine in 1981.   So maybe he met Bratton back in 1971, in the lobby of the Gramercy Hotel, (You know, the one on Madison Avenue) when the Commissioner was in New York on vacation.  We believe that if Commissioner Bratton had met Imus in the 70’s he would’ve just figured the Broadcasting Legend had just enjoyed a powdered donut.

    THE I-MAN IN SHOCK AT SEEING HIS HERO, WILLIAM BRATTON (CIR. 1971)

    7:32:10 a.m. –  VINNIE FROM QUEENS – Rob submitted this week’s “Who’s the Bigger Douche?” question.  Ray Rice or Roger Goodell?  The group unanimously selects Gunz.  The boy won by a landslide.  Wasn’t even close.  It was a ‘Douche Mandate’.  

    ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR TO YOUNG GUNZ…THAT WEIRD DUDE ON THE LEFT IS MUCH MORE OF A DOUCHE

    7:55:24 a.m. – The I-Man praises Joe Beaver’s already legendary coaching prowess.  Marty Yates, who is ranked 5th in the world, went to Beaver’s 8X Ranch to get his calf roping skills tuned up before he went to Vegas for the National Finals Rodeo.  And what happened?   HE WON! 

    MARTY YATES ( R ) AND HIS MENTOR, JOE BEAVER.  THE 3 DAY TUNEUP HELPED THE ROOKIE NAIL A 7.4 IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE TIE DOWN ROPING, BEATING TREVOR BRAZILE (7.5) AND CODY OHL (7.8)  THIS KID’S GONNA BE HUGE.

    8:06:32 a.m. –  The I-Man is upset than Bernard, Tony and Rob didn’t watch Peter Pan Live last night, an annoyance that smacks of the situation where somebody drinks some milk and says:  “Ewww…this is SOUR.   Taste this!”  Quite frankly, we are surprised that the man who hung off a boxcar, worked in a copper mine, and who, just yesterday, said that Rodeo and Football are two of the three things that ‘Are America’… (The other is Billy Joe Shaver) showed such an interest in a live, televised production of a 1950’s Broadway Musical.  It’s obvious he’s been spending WAY too much time with Michael Riedel. 

    THE PALS GO TO SEE ‘MAMMA MIA’

    8:38:14 a.m. –  New York City Police Commissioner Bill Bratton phones in…which means one thing:  The Statute of Limitations is up on Imus’ Grand Theft Rap from the 70’s when he stole Wolfman Jack’s act.   

    BRATTON AND THE I-MAN

    9:05:10 a.m. –  There is a promo for John Batchelor, who has a show on our Flagship Radio Station home of WABC.  Imus relates that Mr. Batchelor...sounds like he’s broadcasting from a crypt.  There is a certain ‘Boris Karloff’ type affect to his voice.  He IS one creepy bastard.  But he doesn’t broadcast from a crypt.  He does, however, sleep in one.  It’s a Craftmatic Adjustable Crypt.  Steve Borneman, our former GM used to say that Batchelor was BRILLIANT.  At least that’s what the little tiny people who live in his salt shaker tell him.  Batchelor, that is.  Not Borneman. 

    NAH…HE’S NOT CRAZY…BUT HE HAS BEEN ABDUCTED BY A MOTHERSHIP AND SUBJECTED TO AN ANAL PROBE.  NUMEROUS TIMES.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

     

    THE BIRTHDAY BOY HIMSELF

    THANK YOU, SIR RICHARD.  THANK YOU FOR ROCK N’ ROLL

    (F#$K BILL HALEY!)

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3-OaNevkfg

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVIttmFAzek

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzYJS3ksH_s 

    Thursday
    Dec042014

    The NFR, the Superbowl of Rodeo, Starts Tonight!

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association’s National Finals Rodeo begins tonight.   That’s America, according to the I-Man, who laments that the organization is run by a ‘Bunch of Old Fools’.   Who, apparently, are the ones watching it as well.

    WE HOPE HE’S STILL ALIVE FOR THE SEMI-FINALS

    6:07:14 a.m. – The Boss says that Matt Lauer in Skinny Jeans is the most repulsive, repugnant, physically unattractive person on the planet…  and…Al Roker is just as revolting.   Well, what can you say?  When the I-Man is right, he’s right.  The two Elephant Man Esque figures held court last night at the Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting.  They do know a thing or two about trees…especially seeing how trolls usually live in them.  They’d do better broadcasting from a bridge opening.

    GRAB THE HAIR AND MAKE A WISH.  UNFORTUNATELY, YOU CAN’T WISH FOR THEM TO GO AWAY

    6:08:16 a.m. –  The I-Man is not happy with his hair today, which is a change from every other day when everybody ELSE isn’t happy with his hair.  He whines about it incessantly throughout the morning.  So put your stupid cowboy hat on, that’s what it’s for. 

      A COWBOY HAT CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH.  AS EVIDENCED HERE BY THIS PHOTO.  BUT, HEY, AT LEAST HIS HAIR LOOKS OKAY.

    6:38:08 a.m. –  Bret Baier is asked what he will be watching this evening:  Football?  Or Peter Pan?  Despite what you might assume, he says ‘Football.’  But we know the real story.

    “I’LL NEVER GROW UP, NEVER GROW UP, NEVER GROW UH-UP!  NOT ME!”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man mentions that Deirdre is a huge fan of the artist Damien Hirst, and so he went to the Museum of Modern Art’s online shop and purchased a clock based on a Hirst print.  For 500 dollars.  He then had to suffer the taunting of both Mrs. Imus and the young Wy-Man, who forbade him from hanging it on the wall.  Hirst is most famous for his ‘Shark in Formaldehyde’.  No wonder Deirdre is such a huge fan.  That’s her pet name for her husband.

    WE DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART, BUT WE DO KNOW WHAT WE LIKE…IMUS COULD HAVE STUCK A PAIR OF HANDS ON A ‘TWISTER’ MAT AND SAVED 499 BUCKS

    THE ARTIST, DAMIEN HIRST, POSING HERE  WITH HIS 1991 PIECE, “THE PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY OF DEATH IN THE MIND OF SOMEONE LIVING.” SOLD TO CONNECTICUT HEDGE FUND MANAGER STEVEN A. COHEN,  FOR EIGHT MA MA MILLION DOLLARS.  CONVERSELY, HIS  “MOUSE IN A BOWL OF JELLO” ONLY WENT FOR 35 BUCKS

    7:13:26 a.m. –  Promoting the National Finals rodeo yet again, the I-Man says that “Cowboys built this country…and EVERYBODY wants to be a cowboy.”   Especially down in the West Village.

    “SAVE A HORSSSSE!  RIDE USSSSSSSSS!”

    7:18:36 a.m. – Imus gets a disturbing email from Michael Lynne, the Entertainment Lawyer, Motion Picture Mogul and Vintner.  Mr. Lynne presents the I-Man with a bit of perspective.  He says that the country is on the precipice of unprecedented racial divide, tens of thousands are dying of Ebola in Africa, The Middle East is on the verge of blowing up, and the Russians are flexing their nuclear muscles…while THE BOSS is worried about his hair.  He wishes ill will on the sweet Mr. M.L.    “I hope that the grapes at your winery turn into raisins and that half your art collection turns out to be forgeries” he snarls.   We don’t have the heart to tell him that raisins make some of the finest Amarone in the world, and that ‘Hirst Clock’ he bought was finger-painted by a pre-school student.

    WE WOULD WEAR A HAT TOO.

    7:32:10 a.m. –  THE MENSA MEETING  takes on the very challenging, controversial topic, “Should Mayor DeBlasio Ban Horse-Drawn Carriages?”   We’re not sure, let’s go to a press conference currently being held at the Plaza Hotel opposite Central Park.

    “WHAT DO WE WANT?  HAY!  WHEN DO WE WANT IT?  Now!  I MEAN, YOU try pulling A WHOLE FAMILY of fat tourists around the park for an ENTIRE hour!” 

    8:07:14 a.m. –  Arthur Aidala, having phoned in earlier, is now IN the studio.  Nice.  As he sits and pontificates, he’s got a client on Death Row waiting a call from the Governor, who flinches everytime the lights flicker.  We discover that while Joe Tacopina is over in Europe, (He, along with a bunch of investors, have purchased a Soccer Team.) he is getting all of Tacopina’s clients.  How unlike a lawyer to infringe upon a colleague’s livelihood.  To be fair, Aidala is attempting to be as much like Tacopina as possible.  So he’s purchased a Nets Jersey with Tacopina’s name on it, and is sporting a cheesy toupee.  

    ARTHUR TACOPINA…FOR THE DEFENSE

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Rodeo Legend, 8 time world champion, and I-Man Fave, Joe Beaver calls in to hype the National Finals Rodeo beginning tonight in Vegas.  The I-Man tells everyone all the ways you may be able to watch it…including Dish Network, which, might not show it as there is some kind of dispute that has the Network threatening to pull it from their airwaves.   The Dish Network.  An entity that has around 8 subscribers.  And even THEY don’t want to broadcast this thing.  Joe then begins to tell us the name of EVERY SINGLE PARTICIPANT COMPETING OVER THE NEXT 10 DAYS…including, ‘Buckaroo’  the guy in the big pants and funny hat, and recent parolee, who will be hiding in the barrels trying to keep the bulls away from the cowboys. Which, provided he stays away from the kids, will, hopefully, be his steady gig for awhile.  

    “HELL, THEY WON’T EVEN LET ME BUY CANDY”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A LITTLE TASTE OF WHY RODEO IS SO POPULAR

    (AND WHY YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR  JOB)

    EIGHT SECONDS FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY…

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaF_Jvcdxgg