6:05:00 a.m. – I-Man points out there’s an ‘untruth’ on the flap of Mike Lupica’s newest novel, QB1. He says that ‘He lives in Connecticut with his wife and four children.’ Two reside in New York City and have great jobs, and one is currently attending Boston College. “If we can’t believe what he writes on the flap, how are we to believe his book?” And then we point out that QB1 is a novel. It’s all made up, I-Man. There was no Ahab or Moby Dick. Holden Caufield is a figment of J.D. Salinger’s imagination. But Billy Sol Hargus…HE was real.
BILLY SOL ESTES. THE INSPIRATION FOR BILLY SOL HARGUS. YOU CAN IMAGINE THIS GUY SLAMMING HIS WEINER IN A WINDOW, CAN’T YOU?
6:07:56 a.m. – The Region 9 Junior High School Rodeo people have had an epiphany. They are going to have their rodeos in arenas with handicap access. We wonder what changed their minds? It couldn’t be all these phone numbers that Tony and Rob have that they were ready to publish in this very blog, could it?
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE FOLKS AT REGION 9 FOR FINALLY ‘SEEING THE LIGHT’
6:15:12 a.m. – “I got a great email from my good friend…um…my good friend...” Yup, the I-Man will never forget ol’ ‘What’sHisName’. He means Lyle Lovett. Lyle doesn’t realize that this is his last opportunity to ‘Get Out’…before he actually DOES become the I-Man’s ‘Good Friend’.
BFF’S DON & LYLE
6:25:34 a.m. – Warner reports that The Giants only had 23 Yards Rushing in the big ‘Manning Bowl’ on Sunday, which inspires the I-Man to offer “Rob could’ve rushed for that.” Only if one of the Manning Brothers held Pork Chop on stick in front of him.
ROB RAN FOR 250 YARDS AND SCORED THREE TOUCHDOWNS THAT DAY AT TRAINING CAMP
6:40:45 a.m. – Bo Dietl...is one of our favorite guests…and is on to provide his unique take on World Events. We don’t care anything about these World Events, we just want to know who he’s having dinner with at Rao’s and count the celebrity names he drops. He’s much like Dick Cavett in that respect, although he never mentions Tallulah Bankhead. We also can’t wait for the daily ‘Bo-ism’, which he provided back in the Green Room. “You think that Michael Reagan understooditated not to mess with the Bo-Master?”
WE WOULDN’T POINT THAT FINGER IN THE ‘BO-MASTER’S’ FACE IF WE WERE YOU, MR. REAGAN. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S HOLDING IN HIS RIGHT HAND
7:02:45 a.m. – The I-Man talks to Dr. Bill Evans about his boat. Dr. Bill asks the I-Man if he’d like to ‘go fishing’…we assume it would be one of those ‘Fredo Corleone’ type of trips.
“JUST KEEP SAYING THE ‘HAIL MARY’, I-MAN”
7:05:22 a.m. – “The two guys in the Sonic Commercial…enough. That girl ‘Flo’ from the Progressive commercials? Enough. And Papa John…” The I-Man doesn’t finish his sentence, but we know it has something to do with the ‘Papa’ moniker. Imus maintains that Dominos and Pizza Hut are his deals. This from a man who lives in Manhattan…home to the GREATEST pizza in the free world, and he opts for Pies made by Midwest chains that wouldn’t know what real pizza was if their faces were shoved in it.
A HAND PUPPET FROM PIZZA HUT THAT SAYS ‘TAKE ME HOME’ AND THE I-MAN IS WORRIED ABOUT ‘PAPA’ JOHN?
7:10:57 a.m. – The lovely Elizabeth Hasselbeck, late of ‘The View’ is the new co-host on Fox n’ Friends, and today is her first day on set, and the I-Man’s ‘Big Question’ of the day is whether or not she’s as dumb as Gretchen Carlson or Eric Bolling, a question which, even a person suffering from a massive head wound would know the answer to. It’s a trick question. NOBODY is as dumb as Gretchen Carlson or Eric Bolling. Or, Steve Doocey, for that matter.
THE NEW TEAM ON ‘FOX N’ FRIENDS’, TURNS OUT STEVE DOOCEY’S REPLACEMENT SCORED HIGHER ON HIS S.A.T.S
7:40:57 a.m. – Our favorite sports columnist, political columnist and author, Mike Lupica, is on to promote his new Young Adult novel QB1. It is most assuredly destined to be a New York Times Besteller, as his previous young adults novels TRAVEL TEAM, THE BIG FIELD , and THE MILLION DOLLAR THROW. The prolific Mr. Lupica’s Young Adult novels are widely successful… not quite as popular as the ‘Twilight’ and ‘Harry Potter’ books, however, although his Sports novels are also fantasies, in that they all feature teenagers who don’t have sex. No wonder the kid’s got a ‘Million Dollar Throw’, he’s got forearms like Popeye from all the masturbating.
THE RING THAT, APPARENTLY, ALL THE CHARACTERS IN MIKE LUPICA’S BOOKS PROUDLY WEAR.
8:05:33 a.m. – The I-Man talks about all the great kids he’s met at the rodeo…one of whom, Weston Hughes, 15, was smitten with an older woman, 19, and asked the I-Man to ‘Put in a good word’ for him. When Imus reminded young Wes that his intended already HAD a boyfriend, young Master Hughes replied, “Yeah, but I got Better Game than him.” You won’t find kids like THAT in Lupica’s books.
THESE ARE FOUR OF THE HORNIEST HUMANS ON THE PLANET AND, AS SUCH, YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM IN A MIKE LUPICA BOOK
8:32:33 a.m. – During the Bernie Briefing, Mr. McGuirk plays a clip of Terry Bradshaw, who, unbeknownst to him, was actually on camera and on mic when speaking with his Fox Sports 1 cohost, the redundantly named Viagra spokesperson Jimmy Johnson, and letting slip with a profanity. “I wouldn’t f@#$ his ugly ass old mother…God dang it, I got more pride than that.” The I-Man says “The Headline There is that there’s a person Terry Bradshaw won’t have sex with.”
C’MON NOW. WHO’S GOT ‘MORE GAME’ THAN THIS GUY?
8:41:56 a.m. – The GREAT Mark Levin is on. We’re not sure, he’s somewhat hard to read, but we think we detect that he has just a hint of dissatisfaction with President Obama. Jesus, is this guy Conservative. He makes Mussolini look like Alan Alda. But at least he’s reserved and subtle about it.
9:05:56 a.m. – What a treat, Sean Hannity, who, last week, could not appear on the Imus in the Morning Program because he had to help his kids get ready for school, surprises the ‘I-Man’ with an ‘In Studio’ appearance. His program is going to have a ‘Time Change’, which he told the I-Man, off air, and ‘Off The Record’. Of course, the minute the I-Dude gets the chance, he starts grilling Sean about it. Hannity also has an announcement about signing a new radio deal with ‘Clear Channel’. Which Imus maintains he did not know, despite the fact it was in the Daily News LAST WEEK.
VIDEO OF THE DAY
THE GREAT RILEY B. ‘B.B.’ KING IS 88 YEARS YOUNG TODAY
THE THRILL IS DEFINITELY NOT GONE