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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

Take a Vacation From Stress - By Deirdre Imus-July 2016 - Summer evokes a sense of nostalgia in most of us: carefree days and nights spent on the beach, chasing lightning bugs in the yard, licking melted ice cream off sticky fingers. The weather was warm, time was irrelevant, and homework non-existent. It was all so exciting, and full of possibility.  Read more... 

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Spiralized Summer Salad: Recipe courtesy of Barbara Simpson, Muirhead Foods - We are enjoying our spiralizer here at Muirhead Foods.  It is easy to use and easy to clean (watch the blade).  Summer squash is now available on the east coast in the markets and is a perfect vegetable to spiralize.  We keep it healthy by using Muirhead Balsamic Vinaigrette now made with organic ingredients and NO gums.  This dish is a good way to get your daily dose of seasonal vegetables.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance - In this instant New York Times bestseller, pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls “grit.”


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Oklahoma State transfer Tyrek Coger, 21, dies after workout - Oklahoma State forward Tyrek Coger died Thursday evening at a local hospital after he collapsed during a team workout, the school announced.

JJ Watt undergoes surgery to repair herniated disc
- The Houston Texans' most valuable asset is in danger of missing the entirety of training camp. Three-time Defensive Player of the Year J.J. Watt underwent surgery to repair his herniated disc on Wednesday.
 
Sonny Gray struggles again as Athletics fall 7-3 to Rays -  Sonny Gray hoped he had turned a corner when he snapped a long losing streak in his first start after the All-Star break.
 
Dana White responds to 'biggest dirtbag in all of sports' - Top Rank Boxing CEO Bob Arum recently took a handful of swipes at the UFC, claiming not only that the promotion is paying off lobbyists to avoid added government regulation but also that drug use in the sport far outweighed that of boxing.

Recent Guests:
    Friday
    May152015

    The Great B.B. King

    6:06:06 a.m. –   The Thrill is Gone…truly…the Great B.B. King has passed at the age of 89.   He used to sing ‘Nobody Loves Me But My Mother.’   Nothing could be further from the truth.  Lucille is now...as George Harrison would say, ‘Gently Weeping.’…she is now, officially a widow. 

    B.B. AND THE LADY LOVE OF HIS LIFE, LUCILLE

    NOW HEAVEN HAS ITS’ BLUESMAN

    6:08: 24 a.m. –  The I-Man receives an hysterical text from Dwight Yoakum, direct from his First Class Seat on the Red Eye to Texas, apoplectic because he thinks Imus has been fired from Fox.  You’d think he’d be more upset about B.B. .   King, that is.  Although Mr. Confused, Dwight, thinks that it’s the Prime Minister of Israel who has died.

    BIBI…WE HARDLY KNEW YE

    6:12:22 a.m. –  The I-Man warns the people of Texas the way Darth Vader warned the citizens of Alderan just before the Death Star destroyed the planet. “We are going out of our way to whup your no - roping ass”.

    “WYATT…I AM YOUR FATHER…JOIN ME ON THE DARKSIDE”

    6:15:32 a.m. –   Wyatt observed his Father during his workout session with his trainer so that he can assume that responsibility once the Imus Family moves to Texas.  The trainer asks the I-Man “What are your goals?”  Wyatt, from the blue line, with the spontaneous answer: “Trying to keep from tipping over.”

    “EIGHT…NINE….TEN…C’MON!  PUSH!  THOSE ARE ONLY 2 POUND WEIGHTS, YOU PUSSY!”

    6:19:32 a.m. – Imus says that, while flipping through the channels, he stumbled upon one of the ‘Fast and Furious’ movies, and… “I got sucked in.”  Hmmm.  We’d call that the ‘Slow and Curious’.

    DRIVE LIKE THE COPS ARE…WATCHING YOU

    6:40:14 a.m. –   Martha MacCallum is on with some perspective on the George Stephanopoulos Controversy.  “They think they’re all doing something for a higher purpose.”  Which is a measured, sane, rational, intelligent response, as opposed to Imus’ earlier angry, insane, crazy, over the top rant .   How unusual.

    TWO DIFFERENT WAYS TO APPROACH THE SAME TOPIC:

    MARTHA

     IMUS

    7:05:04 a.m. –   We begin to gain some solace in light of the loss of B.B. King, which comes from finding  ourselves grateful for him.  Not for the many happy hours we’ve spent listening to his genius…but because his death has prevented Imus from playing any Lucinda Williams this morning…which would only make us want to die ourselves.

    THANK YOU, B.B.

    7:19:55a.m. –   The I-Man cuts Dagen’s Business Report short, as she attempts to warn everyone about the ingesting of Detergent Pods.   He goes to Warner, only to hear Dagen screeching in the background:  “Children are dying!  Old people are dying!”   The latter statement, doesn’t sit all that well with Warner.  He doesn’t know what she’s talking about.  He’s looking forward to his Tunafish Sandwich at Lunchtime…because he also packed his sack with one of those blue candies he found in the Ziploc in the Laundry Room.

    “THEY DON’T TASTE ALL THAT SWEET, BUT MY MOUTH FEELS REMARKABLY CLEAN AND FRESH!”

    7:39:02 a.m. -   HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or, as Imogen Lloyd Webber likes to call it “Oh, Shut Up, Riedel!”   The panel of Imogen, Michael Riedel, Deirdre Imus and…this week, making a repeat performance this week, Senator Lindsey Graham.  It begins with Imogen’s excitement at the idea of the Muppets returning to TV this fall.   Deirdre says she’s never seen The Muppets, ironic, in that she’s married to one.   One of those guys up in the balcony.

    HE CERTAINLY HAS THE I-MAN’S POSITIVE ATTITUDE…

    Riedel goes on a tear on the Stephanopoulis situation.  We’re not sure how that factors into the theme of ‘Hollywood & Vine’, but…we assume the phrase the I-Man used earlier, “He stepped on his Weiner…he should just own up…”   was the instigating incident for Riedel’s tirade.  We also assume that Stephanopoulis steps on his weiner quite often, as, being a diminutive man, it’s closer to both the ground and his feet.

    THE GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS BOBBLEHEAD

    Deirdre takes exception to the Australian government threatening to euthanize actor Johnny Depp’s little dogs after the star brought them into the country without filing the necessary forms. Hey Australia.  Chill. Don’t you bastards have bigger problems like finding the Dingo that ate the lady’s baby? Why don’t you bitches worry about getting Crocodile Dundee another job and leave Johnny alone?

    I WANT A LAWYER.  I’M NOT GOING DOWN FOR THIS ONE. I’M SERIOUS.  NO WAY I’M GONNA BE ‘DEAD DOG WALKING’

    Senator Graham bemoans next year’s final season of ‘American Idol.’   He will miss all those magic moments he’s enjoyed over the years, William Hung singing ‘She Bangs’ like a little slow boy at the Christmas Pageant, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest, each intimating that the other was gay, and Paula Abdul’s bizarre, pill-addled behavior.  You know what Paula got on her IQ test?  Drool. 

    PAULA?  DO YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU SOME COFFEE?  YOU LOOK A LITTLE DISHEVELED, BLESS YOUR HEART.

    8:08:16a.m. –    We’re still chewing on something the I-Man mentioned a few moments ago to Dr. Bill Evans…that he should  “Take a run…” at Imogen Lloyd Webber, who is smart, funny and beautiful.  We don’t think that they are all that compatible, as…Imogen is British and prefers beaus who can actually speak the English Language.  She’s not impressed with the Good Doctor’s degree in Metehgbnvcretylzhgbrulghy.   One thing is certain, ‘Parking’ wouldn’t be a problem as it has been for Dr. Bill in the past.  Imogen would be so used to driving on the other side of the road she’d put the car on the opposite side of the driveway.  Leaving plenty of room for Bill’s Subaru.

    WE’RE SURE YOU MEANT WELL BY DRESSING AS A SCOTTSMAN, BUT IMOGEN DOESN’T HAIL FROM THAT PART OF THE U.K.  SHE NOW JUST THINKS YOU’RE SOME CRAZY DUDE IN A PLAID DRESS.     

    8:38:18  a.m. -  VINNIE FROM QUEENS, featuring Nat Candido, Warner Wolf, Connell McShane, Lou Rufino and Tony Powell…and it’s one of the best editions of this particular segment in its’ history on the program. It could be because Gunz is absent…he’s at Broadway Show Tune Camp this weekend.     

    GUNZELMAN GOT RAVES FOR HIS PERFORMANCE  AS ‘TINKERBELL’ IN THE CAMP’S PRODUCTION OF ‘PETER PAN’

    AND THEN, AFTERWARDS AT THE CAST PARTY  GUNZ  GOT TO MEET HIS IDOL, VISITING VOCAL TEACHER, MS. MINELLI, WHO, IMMEDIATELY AFTER TAKING THIS PHOTOGRAPH, CALLED HER LAWYER AND GOT AN IMMEDIATE ORDER OF PROTECTION

    8:40:27 a.m. -  The boys discuss Tom Brady’s penance, and whether or not NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should be the arbitrator for the case, seeing as he was the one who levied the punishment in the first place.  That would be like Kim Jong Un intervening with himself after sentencing one of his ministers to ‘Death by Wild Boar Consumption’, and reducing it to being merely ‘Torn apart by Rabid Dogs.’ 

    LeROY NEIMAN’S ‘TOM BRADY BEING TORN APART BY A RABID DOG

    8:43:27 a.m. -  Somehow, George Stephanopoulos makes it into the ‘Who’s the Bigger Douche’ portion of the segment for his inability to reveal his donation to the Clinton Foundation, along with Wizards’ Forward Paul Pierce for ‘prematurely’ celebrating what he thought was a winning shot in the Playoff game against the Atlanta.  Why is George Stephanopoulis in a sports segment?  Because he was an All-American Midget Wrestler for Columbia University. 

     GEORGE ON THE RED CARPET AT THE ALMWF AWARDS

    (ADORABLE LITTLE MIDGET WRESTLING FOUNDATION)

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    One Hour, Twenty Minutes, and Eleven Seconds of Pure Musical Genius From

    God’s Favorite Blues Man

    The Late, Great,

    RILEY B. KING

    (They called him B. B. )

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5_j91FjsXM

      

     

    Thursday
    May142015

    Psychos!

    6:06:06 a.m. –  The I-Man invokes a phrase coined by Tony in describing J.D. Souther.  “The boy ain’t swimmin’ with the rest of the ducks.”  All the rest are swimming along in a row, nice, making little ripples in the pond, while one is back in the marsh, thashing around.  The report from The Greenroom is that ol’ J.D. couldn’t get made up for the TV, as he was ‘Meditating.’  It’s really hard to sit in a makeup chair with your eyes closed and think about nothing.  Of course, it helps if your mantra is “She thinks she’s all that, that bitch.”  Because that’s what is repeated incessantly in the makeup room.   Close second is, “You’re right girl, you’re right!”

    J.D. IN THE MAKEUP CHAIR. 

    WE THINK WE KNOW WHY HE WASN’T ALL THAT EAGER TO GET TOUCHED UP FOR CAMERA

    6:12:22 a.m. – Connell plays a clip of Presidential Candidate Jeb Bush, (At least we THINK he’s a candidate, after watching the clip, we’re not quite sure) where Jeb says “I’m running for President in 2016…if I run.”  What’s sad is…that statement actually makes sense… if you read if backwards.  What’s  most frightening about this is… apparently, Jeb’s Brother, George W, could actually be the ‘Smart One.’

    SEPARATED AT BIRTH…BY 6 YEARS

    (AND 12 IQ POINTS)

    6:23:46  a.m. –  The I-Man urges everyone listening and watching to thank a Police Officer today…shake hands and show appreciation for their service.  He says he got the idea from Lupica.  Of course, it’s easy for Lupica to do that, because, he’s not exactly what Cops would consider ‘Threatening’.  “Oh, look, how cute, this little Kindergartener wants to shake my hand…did you lose your Mommy, Little Fella? ”  We, however, have to be extra careful…approach slowly, with caution, no sudden movements, and DEFINITELY…no hugging.

    “I LOVE YOU, MAN!”

    “OFFICER 117 REQUESTING BACKUP…THIS MIDGET KID WON’T GET OFF ME…”

    6:35:14 a.m. –    Harvard Professor, Rosabeth Moss  Kanter is on to promote her book ‘Move’ and talk about Infrastructure.  She is fascinating.  We learn that people spend about 38 hours a year stuck in traffic.  That’s a day and a half of beeping your horn and screaming at the asshole in front of you who is looking at the accident on the other side of the road.  

     

    7:05:04 a.m. –   The Boss waxes appreciative of his time on Fox, and reiterates his belief that if you’re going to listen to bad news about the economy, it may as well be told to you by ‘Pretty People’.  Like Bill Hemmer, who, the I-Man says, will ‘Make it move for anybody.’   This conjures an image in our heads that, unfortunately, not even a ‘Pretty Person’ could make less nauseating. 

    AWWWW…THEY’RE GOING TO MISS EACH OTHER…

    7:15:34 a.m. –     Imus reveals that he has a number of ‘Tourette’s – Like Tics’ that manifest from time to time, such as the one where, when he is talking on the phone, he will play with his keys and glasses.  Which is an improvement from the old days, when he would call the 900 numbers, and while talking on the phone to the ‘woman’ on the other end of the line, he would play with…himself.  We always thought his main ‘Tourette’s – Like Tic’ is when he will curse under his breath while talking to the recorded commercials on the radio.  (“YOU FAT MOTHERF#KKA, SHUT UP YOU SONOFABITCH, NOBODY GIVES A $#!+ ..YO….MAMA!)

    WE REALIZE THIS IS IN QUESTIONABLE TASTE, HOWEVER, WE FEEL THAT ASS BALLS TITS PENIS BALLS PENIS PENIS PENIS BALLS!

    7:40:18 a.m. – PSYCHOS 2, or, as we like to call it, ‘Mommy, why are all these  scary people screaming at each other?’  Deirdre, Bo, Alan Colmes and Bernard take on topics from ‘Our Filthy City’, to ‘Harriet Tubman on the 20 Dollar Bill’   Deirdre says she’s had it with the disgusting notion that the laundries in even the 5 Star Hotels in NYC use the same dirty bins for clean linens as the ones that have all the blood and excrement and other cootie type substances on them.  Something which, later on the program, causes the I-Man to wonder “How does Deirdre know about all that stuff?”    Well…she’s stayed in hotels with you a number of times over the years, Imus.  And she’s seen you make those ‘Substance Deposits’ on the sheets. 

    “THIS IS GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO THE LAUNDRY, RIGHT?”

    “NOPE.  PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.  PUT THEM RIGHT ON THE BED.”

    Alan Colmes is concerned that the Congress is not investing money in Amtrak Infrastructure funding…at least that’s what we think that’s his topic…he only gets about two words out before Deirdre and Bo Double Team him like he was ‘On the Rotisserie’ in a Porn movie.  He suggests that, instead of government being more concerned with limiting women’s reproductive rights, they should focus on train corridors and bridge renovation.  Which prompts Deirdre to ask Alan if he needs to take a train to the place where he can kill his baby.  That is, we THINK that’s what she said.  She was so on fire, we thought she was speaking in tongues.

    AN EXAMPLE OF POOR INFRASTRUCTURE AND WHERE ALAN WISHES HE WAS RIGHT NOW, RATHER THAN SITTING NEXT TO DEIRDRE WHILE SHE’S HOLLERING AT HIM

    Bo screams about people who forget to replace the toilet paper roll.  Earthquake in Nepal, Fatal Train Wreck in Philadelphia...Hammer Wielding Maniac on the streets of New York, and Inspector Gadget-tation decides ‘Hiney Wipers’ are a significant thing to be upset about. 

    STRANDED

     THE SOLUTION

    Bernard doesn’t support the idea of Harriet Tubman being on the 20 dollar bill.  He believes Andrew Jackson is a FINE choice to represent our nations’ economic system.  Washington on the single, Lincoln on the five, Hamilton on the ten, and Franklin on the 100?  We just hope Lindsey Graham doesn’t become President.   

    IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE.  BUT THAT’S JUST OUR TWO BITS

    8:05:10 a.m. –    Hansen, who cuts the I-Man’s hair, and Teresa, who styles it for him here at Fox…are at war.  Neither thinks the other does a very good job at making the Boss look presentable.  As she blows out his mane, she complains that   Imus’ hair has no shape.   An assessment that causes her rival, Hansen, to fire back, saying that Teresa’s a ‘Fat Loser’.   Is there going to be another Paquaio/Mayweather type bout in the Makeup Room?  Does Teresa have to ‘Slap a Bitch’?

    IT’S NOT LIKE HE ENJOYS PITTING THE TWO LADIES AGAINST EACH OTHER…OH, WHO ARE WE KIDDING?  OF COURSE IT IS.  HE LIVES TO PROVOKE PEOPLE

    8:15:10 a.m. –   During Warner’s Sports Report, Warner tells us that Matt Harvey pitched 7 shut out innings against the Cubs and was pulled, causing the I-man to say that, if he were the manager, he would’ve left Harvey in there.  That makes sense.  Because after calling a  ‘Time Out’, the walk to the mound would take up two innings by itself.

    “OKAY, OKAY…I’M NOT TAKING YOU OUT OF THE GAME…BUT I HAVE TO WAIT 20 MINUTES TO CATCH MY BREATH BEFORE I WALK BACK TO THE F@#KIN’ DUGOUT

    8:40:18  a.m. -  Jenna Lee is the guest.  She and the Boss discuss the hideous Train Wreck in Philadelphia.  Which, of course, results in the I-Man’s trip down memory lane about his time working for the railroad.   All the live long  day.    She asks him what he did for them, and he informs her that he was a ‘Brakeman’.  And, being the good reporter that she is, she asks what a ‘Breakman’ does.   Well, obviously, he took care of arranging the Lunch Breaks…Dinner Breaks…Coffee Breaks…Jeezis!  How the hell did the train ever get anywhere?

    “ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE BASTARDS…GET OFF.  TIME FOR ME TO TAKE ANOTHER CIGARETTE BREAK.”

    8:43:33  a.m. -  During the course of the interview, Jenna reveals that, even though we are leaving Fox Business, she wants to preserve her relationship with the Imus Program…and hopes that he would want to reciprocate and allow her to interview him.  The I-Man says he will do it if  “…you bring Jesus.”  Jenna wants to know if he means THE Jesus?  Or just some guy named ‘Jesus’?    Because the guy who drives the town car she takes to work every morning is named Jesus.  And, once he parks, he’d be available for a sit down.

    “I WILL BE WAITING FOR THEE OUTSIDE, JENNA.  IF THY NEEDETH MINE SERVICES, TEXTETH ME AND I SHALL COME AGAIN.”

    9:05:10 a.m. -  The I-Man tells Tony to “Go hate a bunch of White People”.   Too late.  He already has.  It’s not that hard for Tony.  In fact, he says, “Okay…I’ll start with this one.”   Tony P channels Mama T.

    MOTHERF@#$ER TERESA

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR

    “NOT SWIMMING WITH THE REST OF THE DUCKS”

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYFhLM71kOY

    Wednesday
    May132015

    Porn Preferences

    6:06:06 a.m. –  The I-Man has harsh words for Jeb Bush, in his trying to walk back the comment he made with Megyn Kelly last night regarding “Given with what we know now…” whether or not he would invade Iraq.  He observes that neither of them were listening to one another.   We’re sorry.   Did you say something, I-Man?

    “SAY ‘WHAT’ AGAIN, MUTHAF#KKA, I DARE YOU!”

    6:12:22 a.m. – Emmylou Harris and Rodney Crowell are here, and will be doing ‘Bring It On Home To Memphis’, from their new album, which reminds the I-Man of Lucinda Williams’ song, ‘West Memphis’, from her album ‘Down Where The Spirit Meets the Bone’…a record that he listens to quite frequently.  For some reason, The Boss reveals that he envisions her and her band in a too hot hotel room with empty wine bottles and pizza boxes strewn everywhere.   Which is a scenario that sounds suspiciously reminiscent of the Penthouse at Astor Place in the late 70’s. 

    LUCINDA WILLIAMS AND HER DRUMMER ‘TAKE A NAP’ BEFORE SOUNDCHECK

    6:35:14 a.m. –  Emmylou and Rodney sing “I Just Want To See You So Bad”, which are 8 words the I-Man has NEVER heard in his life.

    “EM?  I THOUGHT THAT BEA ARTHUR DIED?”

     SHE LIVES.  SHE LIVES.

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Laura Ingraham, (Who, depending upon the outcome of today’s appearance, is, or used to be, an I-Fave) phones in to comment on the Megyn Kelly/Jeb Bush exchange from the other day, in which, her name was invoked, for her critique of Jeb and his position on the invasion of Iraq.  The I-Man schools Laura on Jeb’s lack of attention to Ms. Kelly’s question, and Ms. Kelly’s inability to call him on it.  She takes Jeb at his word, believing that he would, indeed, invade Iraq, ‘Given what we know now.’   Wait a second, Blondie.  Are you actually disagreeing with, while simultaneously trying to LECTURE the I-Man  In the words of Alonzo Harris from Training Day, “You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk.”  (Go Denzel…go Denzel..it’s your birthday…)  Imus shows just why “King Kong Ain’t Got Nothin’ on ME”…by putting Laura in her place.  Nothing worse than a mouthy blonde babe.  (Blonde on Blonde Company Excepted)

    SISTER MARY IMUS HELPING LAURA TO ‘GET HER MIND RIGHT’

    7:05:04 a.m. –  The I-Man mentions that Joe Beaver has Pneumonia, a couple of weeks before Wyatt goes for his State Championship.  “Don’t get sick now, Joe.”  Imus pledges to go down to Texas to personally nurse Joe back to health.  Yeah, that’s what Joe Beaver needs.  The Boss coughing on him.  Hello?

    “HEY.  JOE.  GIVE ME A HIT OFF THAT OXYGEN. YOU DON’T NEED ALL OF THAT, YOU’RE FINE.”

    7:10:55a.m. –  Imus announces that the legendary Radio Personality / Voice Over genius, Johnny Donovan, is retiring.  His talent is second only to his humanity, and is one of the nicest, best people we know.    Have fun getting that Early Bird Special at Chilis.

    THE LEGENDS OF WABC RADIO

      JOHNNY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

    7:15:34 a.m. –  Connell reports that Kim Jong Un has publicly executed his defense minister with an Anti-Aircraft Gun, for falling asleep at a meeting.  Wow.  Good thing ‘Jong Rules’ don’t apply here.  We, along with a vast majority of the listening audience, would be in particular trouble every time the I-Man told the ‘Mama T’ story.

    “WAKE UP MUTHA F#KKA!”

    7:28:02 a.m. -  Emmylou and Rodney sing “If You Lived Here You’d Be Home”.   If WE lived here, we’d…be homeless.

    THEY’RE PRETTY FAT TO BE HOMELESS…

    7:40:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE or, as we like to call it, ‘We’ve Been Very Bad Boys And Need a Spanking’. Deirdre, as the I-Man observes on the air, looks real good this morning.   Lis Wiehl is PARTICULARLY lovely.  A vision in red.  Definitely ‘In the Bubble’ material.  The first question posed concerns what each of their ‘Porn Preferences’ might be.  The ladies both maintain that they’ve never watched porn.  With Deirdre, we assume it’s because she won’t support the exploitation of women…with Lis, it’s because she, like most people, doesn’t like the way she looks on camera.

    “SLINGSHOT ON MY FACE!  SLINGSHOT ON MY FACE!”

    8:15:10 a.m. –   “Knowing when to shut up is more important than knowing when to talk. “ Dagen…who refuses to weigh in on Jeb Bush.  Hillbilly Wisdom.

    JUST LIKE PLATO AND SOCRATES, DAGEN GOES ‘HILLBILLY BAREFOOT’

    8:17:24  a.m  –   After Warner reports that The Chicago Bulls may lose Forward Taj Gibson for a couple of games after he was caught kicking Cavaliers Guard Matthew Dellavedova.  “That’s the time to kick people…when they’re down…they’re closer to your feet.”   Good one, I-Man.  Makes us want to ‘Put the Boot In’ ourselves.

    WE UNDERSTAND DEIRDRE WANTING TO, BUT WHAT’S INTERESTING IS THAT IT  APPEARS THE I-MAN ACTUALLY LIKES IT

    8:40:18  a.m. -  Emmylou and Rodney finish out the morning with ‘The Traveling Kind’, ‘Weight of the World’ and ‘Just Pleasing You.’

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    And then there’s ‘Maude’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQVV1OAcYhQ

    Tuesday
    May122015

    Denzel Washington's Commencement Address

    6:06:06 a.m. –    The I-Man came to work today, despite being on The Precipice of Pneumonia. Why?  JD Souther is here this morning.   Which means a lot, because, according to the I-man, if an old person gets Pneumonia, it’s ‘Toe Tag Time’.  Thank you, JD.

    6:08:18 a.m. –  “Remind me never to take a triple dose of Cough Syrup again.”    The Boss tells us that he did so last Friday, and Nat had to help him to the car after the program as if he was an old woman… which, at first, we didn’t think was all that different from a normal day, however, the strength of the medication was such that the I-Man was hallucinating.  Which is what we sometimes think WE are doing when we sit across from him each morning. 

    “HEY WARNER, HEY LUPY, HEY LOU…YOU’RE NOT REALLY HERE, RIGHT?”

    6:12:22 a.m. –  Ashley Webster keeps talking when the I-Man is talking, and when he gets called on it, Ashley accuses Imus of talking when HE is talking.  Which, of course, causes the I-man to threaten Sir Ashley.  “What floor are you on?  I’ll come up there and kick your ass.”   It’s the 12th.  And it’s in the building next door.  “Don’t worry,” Connell tells Webster, “He’ll never make it up there before the 29th.”

    THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY…THE 18TH CENTURY

    6:35:14 a.m. –  JD does his first song of the Morning, “Something in the Dark”.    Which, we hope, isn’t a song about what the I-Man calls ‘Big Roy’ when he gets ‘Happy’ at night.

    THE BOSS PITCHES AN ‘I-TENT’

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Father Jonathan is here, and says that he plays golf…and he…well, cheats.   He will ‘Move the Ball’ when it’s not in a favorable position.   Does he think 11th Commandment is ‘Thou Shalt Not Play the Ball Where it Lies’?

    “…and then Moses says ‘Hey!  Are you gonna F#@K  around, or are we gonna play golf?”

    7:04:08 a.m. –  Dr. Bill delivers a pretty ‘Laid Back’ Weather Report, which his unusual for our ‘Meteohlavbhaqheioavkafjdast’  He says he’s suffering from an energy hangover from yesterday, when he had to turn up his volume considerably to make up for the void left in the absent I-Man’s chair.   “When you’re not here, the show sucks.” he says.  However, when Dr. Bill’s not here…we seem to have ‘Peabody Award Worthy’ programs.

    A LITTLE ‘ DR. BILL SOUP’

    7:28:02 a.m. -  JD Souther tells the ‘Backstory’ to the composing of his song, ‘Heartache Tonight’, which was a HUGE hit for the ‘Eagle-eez . He says he and Glenn Frey were walking around the apartment, clapping in rhythm, after listening to some Sam Cooke.   ‘Somebody’s gonna hurt someone…before the night is through..’  You can virtually hear Sam singing those very words.  They, however, get stuck on the chorus part.  So they call up Bob Seger…sing what they have into the phone to him, and he, immediately, spits back the chorus, word for word, note for note, of what you hear on the finished record.  Somewhere in there Don Henley weighed in with a suggestion or two and so we are having some Cool Rock n’ Roll History here on your aforementioned ‘Heartbreak Radio Station’.   Not quite as interesting as the Jimmy Rabbit story where he coined that very  phrase.  Which we NEVER get tired of hearing…

    FRYE, HENLEY, SOUTHER, WALSH AND SCHMITT.  THE ALTERNATE EAGLES

    7:40:18 a.m. – PSYCHOS  Deirdre, Bo, Tony and Senator Lindsey Graham convene to rail about what’s gotten their hackles up, and Bos’ unsurprisingly, is Mayor DeBlasio, who he refers to as ‘Big Bird’…because he’s 6’5”, and…yellow. He accuses Hizzoner of ‘Divide-a-tating’ the Police, Deirdre wants to know why Michelle Obama’s Commencement Speech was so Negative, when Denzel Washington’s was so inspiring…and Tony hates white people.   Not really, just those who rake in big bucks at Mega Churches and screw Poor People  like Joel Osteen and Pat Robertson. He also hates some black people, namely Creflo Dollar, who is, quite possibly, be the most ironically named Preacher in history.    Senator Graham hates females…um…those in ‘Buddy Movies’, as they don’t work.  Deirdre wants to know if Senator Graham is going to have a First Lady…and suggests Lis Wiehl.  Senator Graham wants someone who isn’t so…Feminine.  Shocker.

    LIS WOULD BE AN AMAZING FIRST LADY.  BEAUTY, CHARM, POISE…

    NOT TO MENTION THAT,  COINCIDENTALLY, SHE WOULD ALSO BE  

    SENATOR GRAHAM’S FIRST LADY. 

    HIS VERY FIRST LADY.

    8:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man comes out of the break to report that  “THIS is no act” in that, his ‘On Air’ Persona is EXACTLY like his ‘OFF Air’ Persona, except for the fact that his ‘OFF Air’ Persona would incur quite a few billion FCC fines during the course of a typical broadcast. 

    THE I-MAN:  AM/FM

    8:12:24  a.m  –   The I-Man informs us all that Maria Bartiromo, the ‘Money Honey’ will be taking the reins of the morning program here at Fox in the wake of the Imus departure.  He makes the observation that Fox wants a true Business Channel, with good looking personalities providing financial information.  In other words, “I don’t want no Ugly People telling me what the stock market is doing.   You don’t want Bad News from Ugly People.”    Which is why Connell reports on the Earthquake in Nepal, while the I-Man simultaneously whines about the “3 Pounds” he says he still has to lose.   Although, we learn that, over the course of this latest illness, he, indeed LOST those 3 pounds.   If he continues to be sick, he could actually get down to his original weight, 1/1000 of an ounce.

    THE ‘IMBRYO’,  THE ‘I-FETUS’.  HE NEEDS TO LOSE 1/500 OF AN 0UNCE

    8:20:00 a.m  –   The Boss asks, “Is there a bigger creep than Joel Osteen?  When Jesus comes back, He’s going to Houston, and He’s going to kick Osteen’s ass.”

    A PANEL FROM  THE ‘EVANGERS’ COMIC BOOK.  ISSUE NUMBER 23

    “HE’S BAAAACK!”

    8:40:18  a.m. -  JD Souther sings a few more, including ‘Faithless Love’, which was covered by a number of people…including Linda Rondstadt, who will re-record it for a new ‘Remix’ duet with   Brotha Lynch.

    “THIS GIRL IS…FAT…BUT NOT LIKE ‘PRETTY HOT AND TEMPTING”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    DEIRDRE’S SUGGESTION FOR INSPIRATION: 

    DENZEL WASHINGTON’S COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS

     AT DILLARD UNIVERSITY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua7kS-o3Vi4

     

    Friday
    May082015

    Dez Nuts

    6:06:06 a.m. –  Connell reports that a Delta Flight from Ft. Lauderdale to NYC was forced to make an emergency landing in Charleston, South Carolina, due to smoke in the cabin.  He says that the passengers were all given pizza once they were on the ground and then placed on another flight.  Seems to us like that’s a somewhat strange ‘Make Good’ on the part of the airline.

    MMMM.  NOTHING LIKE SOME AUTHENTIC   ‘SOUTH CAROLINA PIZZA’.  WHAT WOULD THEY GET AS A REWARD IF THE PLANE CRASHED?  LUKEWARM WATER?

    6:08:18 a.m. – The I-Man’s hair looks particularly good this morning. He informs us that, in order for it to look as perfect as it currently does, he had threaten bodily harm to our studio stylist Teresa’s cat. You may recall that Teresa’s cat broke its knees. Good job I-Man threatening a clumsy cat who may also be “A little slow out of the chute’ so to speak.

    THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS…

    WHEN YOU MESS WITH…THIS

    6:12:22a.m. –  The I-Man is still sicker than 15 dogs and an asthmatic goldfish.  Nothing worse than a goldfish wearing an oxygen mask.  He is, however, valiantly fighting against it, and continuing his host duties, despite the fact that, if you felt like he does, you’d be in the Emergency Room.   

    THIS IS ‘GIL’.   HE CAN ONLY HOLD HIS BREATH FOR SO LONG…POOR BASTARD. 

    6:17:34  a.m. – The Boss maintains that, as punishment for ‘Deflategate’, the Patriots should be fined 500 million dollars, lose their draft picks and Tom Brady should be executed.  Actually, he said that Brady should be suspended for a year.   With no hope for parole. 

    TOM BRADY AND HIS  PUNISHMENT FOR ‘DEFLATEGATE’ .  TOO HUMANE.

    7:05:10 a.m. –  A photo of Jim Gray interviewing Tom Brady is shown, which prompts the I-man to say “Jim Gray is the most awkward individual I’ve ever met in my life.”  The I-Man met Jim Gray, you ask?  Well, sort of.  One time?  When we were at band camp?  We mean, doing a remote from Atlanta, Imus got a phone call from the NBC Sportscaster… which took the Boss aback, as, he usually has his phone blocked when he stays in a hotel.  He gives Gray props for being crafty enough to get through…

    “HELLO?  I-MAN?  THIS IS…UM… ‘JEMIMA GRAY’ FROM THE FRONT DESK…I HAVE A MESSAGE HERE FROM JIM GRAY?   HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE ON YOUR SHOW.”

     7:07:14 a.m. –  We are then treated to a cell phone video of Patriot’s Tight End Rob Gronkowski, in which, he defends his team mate in the ‘Deflate-Gate’ controversy, by flexing his guns and saying “These are deflating…these are Inflating, and there’s one thing you can’t deflate…DEEZ NUTS!”   Ahhh, the wit and wisdom of Rob Gronkowski:  This generation’s  cross between Will Rogers and Robert Benchley.

     

    7:15:30 a.m. –    Cody Ohl informed the I-Man that he has a Cowboy Fan Club who watch him on the TV at the Coffee Shop there in Hico Texas, who are VERY upset that he will be leaving Fox Business Network at the end of the month.  Imus informs the cowboys to “Stop being such pussies!”   He is moving to Texas right after completing his final program on My 29th, he is getting on a plane, and he will be doing the radio from there from now on.  He promises to stop in and regale the cowboys with some of his great stories, live, in the flesh, because “The I-Man be funny in person.”     The cowboys will learn a very valuable lesson.  He is MUCH better on the TV.  Because at least THEN, you can turn him off when he starts the ‘Mama T’ story for the 80th time.

    “ IMUS…PARTY OF THREE?  IMUS?  PARTY OF THREE….”

    7:20:40 a.m. –  Today is ‘Jobs Friday’, and Ashley Webster predicts there will be 205,000 new jobs.  Why we should be listening to Margaret Thatcher predicting what OUR economy will be doing…

    “BE PREPARED FOR A RECESSION…”

    7:40:18 a.m. – HOLLYWOOD & VINE -  Where, inexplicably,  Senator Lindsey Graham is a guest panelist.  The “Lovely, Charming and Adorable” Imogen Lloyd Webber, as Imus refers to her, wants everyone to know that she correctly predicted Will & Kate’s new progeny,  ‘Charlotte Elizabeth Diana’  Princess Charlotte is christened after, (in order) Grandpa Charles, Great Grand Mum Elizabeth, and Grand Mum Diana.  Of course we didn’t expect her to be named in honor of her Father’s Step Mother, because ‘Sea Biscuit’ doesn’t roll off the tongue all that well.

    PRINCE CHARLES TAKING HIS LOVELY WIFE, CAMILLA, OUT FOR A RIDE

    Deirdre discusses the new trend in Hollywood, which is, men who just look like regular dudes…no more 13 packs…just relatively normal looking guys with a little pudge around the middle.  Which we are in favor of as well, because if you have a Big Tool, you’re gonna need a Shed to Cover it.   We prefer a little spare tire that obscures the view of the junk.   Gives us the ‘Element of Surprise’.

    SOMETIMES THE TOOL  IS OUT OF THE  SHED

    Reidel comments on the 40th Anniversary of ‘Jaws’, which, is appropriate, because he, too, is a shark who can’t keep his mouth shut.  And who likes to eat seamen.  This was no boating accident.

    RIEDEL SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD THE SHARK TO ‘EAT ME’

    Senator Lindsey Graham weighs in on the #1 Box Office Champ, The Avengers, and professes his Affinity for Super Heroes.  He is a fan of ordinary men who lead double lives…in which they wear flamboyant costumes.   He dresses up for CosPlay when he goes to Comic Con, with his own Superhero:  “Captain Game Cock.”   A mild-mannered Senator who got bitten by a radioactive chicken and has all the powers of a Cockfighting Bird.

    LOOK!  UP IN THE SKY!  ISN’T THAT A BEAUTIFUL MOON?

    8:35:00 a.m  –   The Jobs Report reveals that…ASHLEY WAS DEAD WRONG!     The actual figure was 224 thousand jobs created, and the unemployment rate ticked down to 5.4.  Suck it, Ringo.

    THE FUTURES ARE DOWN…YEAH YEAH YEAH

    8:40:48 a.m -   Author Mark Bittman phones in to promote his new book, A BONE TO PICK, which, much to Senator Graham’s chagrin, is about food, and not…well…you know, those OTHER kinds of bones he is wont from which to pick.   Bittman talks Food Policy and gives us the good news… People are taking it more seriously, there’s more Principled Farming, and parents are caring more about what their kids eat.   The bad news is… McDonalds’ is getting rid of the Deluxe Quarter Pounder.  Of course, for Deirdre…that’s also on the GOOD NEWS list. 

    OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD HAS CHANGED.  THESE TWO JUST MADE LOVE TO THIS BURGER.  BUT THEY DIDN’T WEAR PROTECTION, HENCE, THE LITTLE ‘BABY BURGER’ THERE ON THE TOP.   SO MUCH FOR SPECIAL SAUCE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN THE SPIRIT OF ‘DEEZ NUTS’

    THE FIRST OF OUR SUMMER COMEDY SERIES

    THE ‘RED BAND’ TRAILER FOR THE NEW

    ‘VACATION’

    RE-BOOT!

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScMOyURq9os