6:05:17A.M. – The I-Man assigns Connell the task of texting him during the debate, as he will be in Glen Rose Texas tonight, at a Rodeo with Wyatt and the D-Woman. He might just regret that idea...
THIS WILL BE MORE FUN THAN THE ACTUAL DEBATE...
6:12:56 A.M. – Tonight will also be Jon Stewart’s final as host of The Daily Show, and will be succeeded by South African Comedian Trevor Noah, who, the I-Man predicts, will be “A Guaranteed Disaster.” With Stewart gone, where are we going to get our News? Connell?
HE COULDN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN THIS TREVOR NOAH DUDE.
6:15:44 A.M. – Today is Ali’s first day as Associate Producer, Personal Assistant and Office Manager of Imus in the Morning World Headquarters. We offer her the following advice: ‘Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.’
MEGHAN HURLBUT: “SCREW YOU GUYS...I’M GOING HOME...”
6:40:27 A.M. – Liz McDonald has phoned in, and because Ali has already screwed up, (Well, that didn’t take long…) as she neglected to send the I-Man the Bio Sheets for the guests, he has no idea what she does, and why she’s on the program this morning. She’s only been on a thousand times. Maybe it’s because the past few times she’s been promoting her book ‘SKIRTING HERESY: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MARGERY KEMP.’ … which is not exactly at the top of our Summer Reading List. She says she’s written a screenplay. Good. We’ll wait for the movie, then.
LIZ MCDONALD...A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO MARGERY KEMP
7:15:37 A.M. – In the news, there’s a story about a 92 year old woman, who’s never voted in her life, who has announced that she will, indeed vote in the Next Presidential Election…for Donald Trump. Which is…optimistic…to say the least. Not that Mr. Trump won’t get the nomination…but that this old bag thinks she’ll still be around to pull the lever.
“I DON’T LIKE THE F#@%ING MEXICANS EITHER.”
7:16:32 A.M. – The I-Man texts T-Money to see if he’s brought the fans to Glen Rose to cool the horse stalls. ‘T’ has gone ahead to take Marconi, Tupelo and Red Cloud, Wyatt’s roping horses, to the rodeo. And if they like that, he’s going to take them to the movies tomorrow night.
THEN, AFTER THE MOVIE WAS OVER, THEY SNUCK INTO ANOTHER THEATER IN THE MULTIPLEX TO SEE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
7:32:06 A.M. – PSYCHOS II sets the bar so impossibly high, it’s difficult to believe that it will ever reach the level of insanity achieved this morning. It begins with the I-Man complaining that his neck hurts, because, apparently, only 2 of the 6 pillows on the bed are MyPillows.
‘DONNIE’, AND HIS LITTLE PALS, THE VERMONT TEDDY BEARS HE CALLS ‘BRUCIE’ AND ‘MURRAY’ ARE READY TO GO ‘BA BA BLANKIE’
7:38:09 A.M. – Curtis Sliwa gets Apoplectic over “Your Mayor, Alan B. Colmes… ‘Comrade’ De Blasio” who isn’t doing anything to address the problems of the Homeless. It’s clear Curtis won’t be campaigning for Bill’s Re-Election. He advises Hizzoner to stop “Smoking the Spliffs on the Back Porch.” If Curtis keeps it up, we’re going to have to START smoking them.
EDVARD MUNCH PREDICTED CURTIS’ OUTBURST
AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT WE SAW AFTER WE SPARKED UP A FATTIE OF SOME BITCHIN’ ‘GHOST TRAIN #3’ KUSH
7:40:16 A.M. – Alan Colmes is up next, and accuses the Republicans and Conservatives of editing the notorious ‘Planned Parenthood Video’… which is how it all began… What followed was as volatile as a Supernova. Deirdre achieved Full On, In The Red Zone, China Syndrome, Meltdown Status.
ALAN COLMES BEFORE THE DEIRDRE DETONATION
AND AFTER THE DEIRDRE DETONATION
7:44:35 A.M. – The girl can’t contain herself. She is so passionate about her position, and is making her point in such an animated, intensely ferocious way that Ronda Rousey wouldn’t mess with her at this point. She calls Alan a ‘Baby Killer’. We’re not so sure we agree…but one thing’s for sure…we’re not going to disagree with her. Not now. Not ever.
NOW, THIS IS A BABY KILLER.
(BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO TELL DEIRDRE THAT)
7:45:09 A.M. – After putting her mouth where her…well, mouth is…and walking the talk and talking the walk, Deirdre has made a case that is difficult to argue with…unless, of course, you’re Alan Colmes, who, we suspect, actually feels the same way about the subject as Deirdre does…and is just poking her with a stick to get a reaction, because it makes for great radio. “I made Deirdre’s head explode?” he says… “…then my work is done here.”
THE IMUS’ AT A GALA FUNDRAISER FOR ALAN COLMES’ CHARITY,
‘LIBERAL LOSER BABYKILLERS OF AMERICA’
8:07:34 A.M. – Former Mayor of New York City, Rudolph Giuliani is slated to be the 8:30 Guest…no doubt to comment on Curtis’ least favorite mayor, but…it appears that he cannot make his confirmed time slot. “He better not be better dealing us…”the I-Man pronounces.
FROM WEBSTER’S ‘PLAYGROUND SLANG & RECESS IDIOMS DICTIONARY’
8:11:22 A.M. – The I-Man commands Matt Meany, one of our ABC Researchers, to monitor all the…well, monitors in the newsroom, to see which show Giuliani has ‘Flat-Left’ us for. We speculate on which program could possibly be more important than ours.
IT COULDN’T BE THIS…OR COULD IT?
8:16: 43 A.M. – Bernard is as upset with Mayor DeBlasio as Curtis is…especially because he missed the Press Conference about the Homeless and Legionnaires disease…to hang with Louis C.K.
“SO…HERE’S WHAT I’M THINKING…YOU GIVE INFECT THE HOMELESS…WITH LEGIONNAIRES DISEASE…”
8:24:09 A.M. – The word comes down the line that Mayor Giuliani can, indeed, join us at his pre-appointed time. All is forgiven. Which is something Bernard can’t seem to do when Connell reports that today is the 70th Anniversary of the Bombing of Hiroshima. Bernie contends that Connell is being somber about the event…when, in fact, we killed 140 thousand people to save many more hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of Americans. He points out that they were our Enemies in World War Two, and THEY STARTED IT. And, besides that… ‘Look what they did to the China…’ referring of course, the rape, humiliation and torture they subjected the Chinese people during the siege at Nanking. “Yeah, that was an icky deal…” Imus comments. Way to put it in perspective, Boss. Of course, this discussion has made Mayor Giuliani’s appearance a moot point. There’s no time for him now.
YEAH, THESE GUYS LOOK LIKE THEY’RE WILLING TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
8:36:12 A.M. – Now Giuliani can’t do it again…and we find out why. He’s on CNN. OH NO HE DI-INT.
BREAKING NEWS: THIS JUST IN...
VIDEO OF THE DAY
SPEAKING OF HORSES...AND THE MOVIES
HERE IS REX PETERSON
HOLLYWOOD HORSE TRAINER
OH, WE BET YOU HAVE, REX...WE BET YOU HAVE.