6:03:12 A.M. – It’s yet another ‘Imus Free Friday’. To add to the misery, Connell is not here this morning either. This is more than just leaving the keys to the asylum to the inmates. This is sending a Cub Scout Troop over to Iraq to take out ISIS.
‘TOMMY’ IS WORKING ON HIS ‘ANTI-TERRORISM’ MERIT BADGE
6:08:56 A.M. – Well, Bernie must be doing a good job, because the show is almost 10 minutes old, and there are no News Trucks outside, and we haven’t been escorted from the building by security.
“SHUT ‘EM DOWN, GUYS…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN THIS MORNING’.
6:15:44 A.M. – Tony and Warner discuss last night’s NBA Draft, and the Knicks procuring Kristaps Porzingis, which, as you might expect, Warner pronounces about as well as Dr. Bill does ‘Meteorologist’. Those attending the Draft at the Barclay Center roundly booed the pick…but only because as much as they sucked last season, any time the word ‘Knicks’ is uttered, the crowd immediately erupts in Boos.
“YO, KRISTAP, I KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE THESE IN LATVIA, BUT THE TOILETS ARE DOWN THIS WAY…MAKE A LEFT WHEN YOU GET TO THE LOCKER ROOM”
6:40:27 A.M. – Alan Colmes is the guest, and, you would think, One on One, it would be a bloodbath between Bernie…and the ‘Anti-Bernie’, Colmes. They discuss the Supreme Court Decision to keep Obamacare. Alan applauds the decision, of course, because he’s half a Commie and an Obama Buttboy. Bernard, on the other hand…wants Medicine to return to its Golden Age. When Doctors used leeches and Barbers were Dentists.
7:05:37 A.M. – More on the Escapees, as Noam Laden, filling in for Connell on News Duty, reports that, as we enter day 20 of the story, authorities STILL have no idea where they are. Bernie suggests they call in the Navy Seals, although we think the NY State Police would be embarrassed to admit they need help finding two broke guys in the woods.
“NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAH, YOU CAN’T FIND US!”
7:39:06 A.M. – Author James Bradley has phoned in to promote his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE. In talking about China with Mr. Bradley, Bernard keeps referring to ‘Mousey Dung’. Turns out he means the Communist Dictator, and not Rodent Excrement. Although you could, very well, make a case that Mao Tse Tung was ‘Mickey Mouse Sh#t’
8:05:34 A.M. – Noam Laden is…well, not Connell. Noam is also not…let’s just say…the most CHARISMATIC person you’ve ever met. He’s a sweetheart of a man, and does a good job but… We think his being so ‘mellow’, as well as his bloodshot eyes, indicate that he may be spending way too much time with Geraldo.
“WHERE’S DAVE?” “UM…DAVE’S NOT HERE, MAN…”
8:39:43 A.M. – Our 8:30 Guest, Monica Crowley, is a No-Show. Which means one of two things: She went to the studios at Fox looking for us, or her Brother-In-Law, Alan Colmes, has her locked in a closet so she can’t refute anything he said in his interview earlier. Or maybe, that mysterious ‘Fiancée’ of hers, finally swept her off her feet and took her to Paris to elope….nah…she’s locked in Alan’s closet.
MONICA AND BERNARD THE LAST TIME HE INTERVIEWED HER
9:11:44 A.M. – The I-Man phones in to commend Bernie and Tony’s debate over Nuking ISIS. He then says that the Ranch Hand who didn’t show up to work and texted him at 7:03, (even though he was supposed to be there at 7:00), and then says he emailed the Boss to tell him he wouldn’t be in “Before 7 A.M.” (which, was true, it was 6:59 when he sent it) will be sleeping in again this morning. “You know what he’s doing today?” asks Imus. “Looking for a job.” We can only hope that Imus sent the dude his pink slip at 7:05…after he got up early to make the trip over to Brenham. “Good morning, sir.” “Don’t ‘Good Morning’ me, Mother F#@$er.”
OOPS! SORRY, COWBOY, GUESS YOU DIDN’T GET SUCH A GOOD REFERENCE FROM THE I-MAN
VIDEO OF THE DAY
WE KNOW WHY THE I-MAN WASN’T HERE TODAY.
HE AND WYATT WERE GOING TO THE FIRST SHOWING OF
AT THE BRENHAM MULTIPLEX