Inside Imus Control Center

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Behind the Scenes Blog

-Wednesday, April 16-0 Comments
-Wednesday, April 16-0 Comments
6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man asks Warner if he watches Sports Center. Ironically, our legendary Sportscaster is not a big fan of Sports Shows. He answers that he does, sometimes, but not the ...
-Tuesday, April 15-0 Comments
-Tuesday, April 15-0 Comments
6:05:10 a.m. – Imus has had an epiphany when it comes to ‘It Might Be Elvis’. He has decided that HE will now pick the songs, and the panel will all make suggestions as to whic ...
-Monday, April 14-0 Comments
-Monday, April 14-0 Comments
6:05:10 a.m. – The Knicks are officially ‘Out of It’ and between that, and Wyatt winning nearly a THOUSAND DOLLARS at the Ultimate Roping in Montgomery, Texas, the I-Man ...

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    Wednesday
    Apr242013

    Will the Real Charles Rangel Please Stand Up?

    6:05:00 a.m. –   The I-Man has just become a fan of ESPN’s documentary series, ‘30 for 30’.  Last night’s edition was about the 1983 NFL Draft, titled “From Elway to Marino”.  He tries to convince Warner to watch, but, much like ‘Book of Mormon’, Warner is not interested in current popular culture.  Besides…he LIVED through it the first time.  Which, we suppose, means he won’t be watching the HISTORY channel’s ‘Bible’ series either.

    “HEY, JESUS!  COME AWN!  PASS THE MATZOH ALREADY!”

    6:06:17 a.m. – Mr. Wolf reveals that, he won’t watch ‘30 For 30’, as he is not available  between 7 PM and 730 every night, because, like clockwork, he and his lovely wife, Wendy Wolfe, (Not her real name) eat dinner while watching   ‘Jeopardy’.  WTF Warner?  Are you the ‘Rainman’?   It’s ten minutes to Trebeck.

    “I’LL TAKE MIDGET SPORTS FIGURES FOR 500, ALEX.”

    “THE ANSWER IS…”

    “UM…WHO IS WARNER WOLF?”

    (BTW, THE DOUBLE JEOPARDY QUESTION WAS ABOUT MIKE LUPICA)

    6:23:42 a.m. –  The I-Man promos Dr. Bill Evans’ Meteorology class at Bergen Community College.  You too, can create your own weather cast.  The Boss wonders why anybody would take the class when all you need is a weather app.  Aha!  Yes, but the Weather App won’t give you Weather Fashion Tips, or teach you how to pronounce ‘Meteorologist’. 

    WE ASSUME THE NUMBERS REFER TO TEMPERATURE…EXCEPT FLORIDA’S, WHICH, WE HOPE, REFERS TO THE LEVELS OF PRECIPITATION

    7:05:21 a.m. –    During the break, the I-Man asks Dr. Bill if Liz Cho is “Still in play.”  Gunz wants to know.  According to the Young Buck, he ‘Needs’ her.  Ms. Cho is, apparently, quite aware of this fact.  Hence the restraining order.

    EVIDENTLY, FOR GUNZ, MACE IS AN APHRODISIAC

    7:10:44 a.m. –    “The finest Doctor I have ever met is Dr. Ronald MacKenzie.”  According to the I-Man, The American College of Rheumatology Ethics and Conflicts of Interest Committee have named a chair after him.

    OSTENSIBLY, IT’S QUITE AN HONOR

    7:40:21 a.m. –   Blonde on Blonde.  Or, as we like to call it, ‘What the Hell Happened to My Erection’?  The girls discuss Weiner.  Not as sexy as it sounds.  It’s Anthony Weiner, and his political future.  Deirdre tells Lis to ‘Shut up.’  She doesn’t believe Lis has the right to ‘weigh in’ on the Former Congressman as a Mayoral Candidate.  She tells Lis she’s not a true New Yorker, like she is. Lis lives in Connecticut.  Deirdre lives in ‘The Hood’.  Upper West Side, yo!  Represent!

    “ICE-D and SMALLIE BIGGS” ROLLIN’ IN THEIR SIX FOUR

    “GOT THEY MIND ON THEY MONEY AND THEY MONEY ON THEY MIND”

    8:05:17 a.m. –  Warner reports on the new name for next year’s four team College Playoff.  It’s called…wait for it… “College Football Playoff”.   Wow.  Sure hope they copyright that one.  It’s catchy.  Like Gonorrhea.

    OUR SUGGESTION FOR WHAT TO CALL THE COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

    AND, BY THE WAY, WHERE TO HOST IT

    8:16:23 a.m. – Connell reports that they’ve locked up the wrong guy in Mississippi.  Paul Kevin Curtis, the Elvis impersonator, was released.  When asked about the Ricin incident, he said.  “I don’t even like rice.”  What kind of impersonator are you?  One thing we know about Elvis: That dude LOVED rice.

    “UH UH UH…I’M ALL CARBED UP!”

    8:25:45 a.m. – I-Man has some unflattering things to say about ESPN’S stadium sized broadcaster Chris Berman.  “I’d hit Jabba the Hut before Chris Berman.” Dagen offers.  Which says a lot, coming from a woman who said that Steve Buschemi  “Made it move.”

    “HEY, DAGEN!  I GOT AN RC COLA, SOME SPRAY CHEESE AND A MOON PIE

    JEST WAITIN’ FOR YA!”

    8:25:45 a.m. –  Charles Rangel is on.  Not Tony PRETENDING to be Charles Rangel.  But the REAL Charles Rangel.  We realize that Imus always acts as if it IS the REAL Charles Rangel when Tony is Charles Rangel, but that’s only because…he’s confused.

    WILL THE REAL CHARLES RANGEL…PLEASE STAND UP? 

    UM…WILL THE REAL CHARLES RANGEL PLEASE WAKE UP?

    9:03:45 a.m. –  We get either encouraging, or, disappointing news, depending upon your position on Dr. Bill Evans Tweeting pictures of his Weiner.  Apparently, he has not.  We say, “Awww” and “Thank God”, respectively, to both groups.  We do wonder, however, that if Dr. Bill WERE to have Tweeted his Weiner…would it be wearing ‘Rain Gear’?

    FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE, CONDOLEEZA RICE,

    (THE ONLY RICE THAT ELVIS IMPERSONATOR PAUL KEVIN CURTIS LIKES)

    TESTIFIES TO SEEING THE ‘TWEET’ OF DR. BILL EVANS’ WEINER

    9:06:27 a.m. –  Yet another crushing disappointment, or relief, again, depending upon your position, Congressman Charles Rangel, (The REAL one) “Didn’t want to touch the Weiner” when asked by the I-Man if he thought the former Congressman would make for a good mayoral candidate.  We think that the final decision should be made by an “Open Erection”, as Imus would say. 

    HE’S A BAAAAAD MAN:  OSCAR MEYER WISHES HE WAS

    CHARLES RANGEL’S WEINER.  THAT IS WHAT HE’D TRULY LIKE TO BE.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A CLIP FROM ESPN’S RIVETING DOCUMENTARY SERIES

    “30 FOR 30”

    “FROM ELWAY TO MARINO”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11uUFTL-5zo

     

     

     

    Tuesday
    Apr232013

    Warner Wolf Returns from Vegas

    6:05:00 a.m. –  We begin the morning with the news that Warner’s absence yesterday was due to his being in Las Vegas to celebrate his wife’s birthday.  Somehow, the picture of the Wolf-Man, in his Polyester Shirt/Shorts set, White Socks and Sandals, rocking the nickel slots…is a happy image.  They went to see Elton John and Ventriloquist Terry Fator.  LOVED Terry, HATED Elton.  He was underwhelmed by the acoustics at the Elton concert, but most impressed that Fator’s ‘Lips don’t move’.  Um…that would be the point, Warner.  Warner says Fator’s funniest line…the puppet says:   “If it wasn’t for me…you’d be talking to your hand.”   Oh.  Our sides.

    “IS GOOD?”  “IS GOOD.”  “IS NICE?”  “IS NICE.” “S’ARIGHT?”  “S’ARIGHT.”

    6:41:18 a.m. –  K.T. McFarland is on, and finds a ‘Silver Lining’ in the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy:  At least it’s kept Kim Jong Un off the Front Pages.  Apparently, the wacky little dictator’s looking for food anywhere he can get it.  Including Mongolia.  She doesn’t think he’s going to find much there.  Hasn’t she heard about “Mongolian Barbecues”?  The I-Man should take her to ‘Yummy Yummy’.

    UN?  PARTY OF 24 MILLION?  UN?  PARTY OF 24 MILLION?  IS EVERYBODY HERE?  WE CAN’T SEAT YOU UNTIL YOUR PARTY IS COMPLETE

    7:05:21 a.m. –  CNN SUCKS.  Imus responds to an online article by David Carr:  “We Want CNN To Be Good”.   Carr’s theory is, whenever there is a breaking news story, we immediately go to that Network to find out what’s going on?  REALLY?  When was the last time we did that?  During the Carter administration?  We don’t need CNN for ANYTHING.  Especially because their handle on the news is about as sharp as Warner’s is on Vegas.  “Did you know you can bet on ANY kind of sporting event out there?” an amazed Mr. Wolf asks the Boss.  “Um…yes, Warner.  And, apparently, you can get a really good deal on a shrimp cocktail at the buffet as well.”

    APPARENTLY, THEY HAVE THESE THINGS CALLED ‘SLOT MACHINES’

    7:18:44 a.m. –    Bigfoot runs a video of Reese Witherspoon being uncuffed at the Police Station following her arrest in the DWI of her husband.  The I-Man makes the observation that he has NEVER done the, ‘Do you know who I am?’ thing with a cop. Probably because, the ones he was drinking and doing drugs with…WERE cops.

    “FINISH THAT JOINT AND DRAIN THOSE BEERS…ROLL CALL’S IN 5 MINUTES”

    7:33:21 a.m. –  Lou plays the iTunes version of John Prine’s ‘Speed of the Sound of Loneliness’, not the version he has been playing up to this point, which, as the I-Man so eloquently puts it… “Sucks.”   This is the version the boss has on his iPod, and as it’s become one of his all time favorite songs, he noticed the subtle differences in instrumentation, recording EQ, sample rate, and mix.   But yet, he can’t hear somebody across the desk from him screaming “CARLEY IS ALREADY OUT GETTING YOU YOUR EFFING COFFEE!”

    “I’M JOHN PRINE”  “WHAT?”  “I’M JOHN PRINE!”  “YOU’RE DOIN’ FINE?”  “NO, I SAID I’M JOHN PRINE!”  “YOU’RE ON FIRE?”  “NO!”  “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”  “DAVE EDMUNDS”  “YOU KNOW, YOUR SONGS SOUND A LITTLE LIKE…          JOHN PRINE’S”

    7:40:17 a.m. – Bill Hemmer is on.  It’s ‘Hemmer Time’.  We’re a little disappointed that he didn’t wear the parachute pants.

    “RING THE BELL…SCHOOL’S IN.”

    8:05:23 a.m. –  Imus calls Mike Sides, who is a ‘True Southern Gentleman’ and his new best friend at Wiesner GMC, in Huntsville, Texas.  He asks Mike to take care of the mysterious ‘black spots’ on his Platinum Escalade.  He wonders what Mike must think.  We can tell him.  “This Honky’s Nuts.”

    NEXT TIME YOU’RE IN HUNTSVILLE, AND YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THE I-MAN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK UNDER THE BACK WHEELS OF THIS CADILLAC

    8:17:51 a.m. –  Warner goes into detail about his disappointment with the Elton John concert in Vegas.  “The Acoustics were bad…you couldn’t understand the words…and the songs were TOO LONG!”  That’s kind of like, “I hate the food at that restaurant…but at least the portions are big.”  We’re still trying to process the information that Warner Wolf is actually…an Elton John fan.  He thought there was too much production value.  Too many band members.  We assume he was looking for an ‘Elton John Unplugged’ experience.   Even if he were alone with just an acoustic guitar…there WOULD have been plugs, Warner.    

    “NO REALLY, ELTON…IT LOOKS VERY NATURAL”

    8:19:08 a.m. –  Imus plays ‘Cherry Cherry’ and intros it by saying, “This is the only good song Neil Diamond every wrote.”  We are very surprised.  We were under the impression that Neil Diamond NEVER wrote a good song. 

    “NO, REALLY, NEIL…IT LOOKS VERY NATURAL.”

    8:38:45 a.m. –  Newsweek and National Journal Contributing Editor, Stuart Taylor Jr., is on to discuss the Boston Bombing Coverage.  Too bad we didn’t have the F.B.I. profiler from yesterday, Mary Ellen O’Toole, in to discuss Stuart Taylor.  This dude’s got some serious skeletons in his closet.  It must look like the dumpster in the back alley of a Barbecue Rib joint. 

    IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE SITTING NEXT TO STUART TAYLOR JR. AT A RESTAURANT…AND HE ORDERS SOME ‘FAVA BEANS & A NICE CHIANTI’…GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

    9:03:23 a.m. – The I-Man shares a story about the Wy-Man, who, at 14, is, of course, VERY interested in girls.  He also has, clearly, been watching too much Dagen McDowell. He discusses one girl in particular with his parents…and when they pose the possibility that perhaps he might consider asking her out, he replies… “Are you kidding me?  I wouldn’t hit THAT with my CAR.”

    HANDSOME KID…RODEO PRODIGY…OLD MAN IS A GAZILLIONAIRE…

    C’MON GIRLS!  WHAT ARE YOU WAITIN’ FOR? 

    (HOWEVER…HOSE BEASTS NEED NOT APPLY.)

    9:18:42 a.m. –  The Boss reads, yet another, effing  ‘My Pillow’ spot.  And, to his credit, he’s found another creative, unique way of selling the popular items.  “I didn’t get to sleep at all last night…because I was sleeping on a pillow like Miranda Lambert’s butt!”  Which, we assume, means “Lumpy…mooshy…and smells like Blake Shelton.”   Imus suggests that you purchase a ‘My Pillow’, so you can “Sleep on something that’s like Deirdre Imus’ butt.”  Which, we assume, means “Tight… firm…and bat$#!& crazy.”

         

    THIS…              NOT               THIS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Speaking of Ventriloquists who move their lips…

    AN ULTRA-RARE CLIP OF A ‘RELATIVELY CLEAN’ OTTO & GEORGE

      

    THE BEST PART IS…OTTO IS THE GUY’S NAME, GEORGE IS THE PUPPET

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD2Vy8rFYAE

     

    Monday
    Apr222013

    Gunz's Curling Iron

    6:05:00 a.m. –   Imus is now an XM/Sirius subscriber.  Which means he will be dividing his time between Outlaw Country and The Broadway Channel.  Hank and Liza.  That pretty much runs the musical gamut.

    HOPEFULLY, SOON HE WILL BE TUNING INTO O&A

    6:06:17 a.m. –  We have an FBI profiler coming in today.  Mary Ellen O’Toole.  We’re not exactly sure it’s such a great idea to have an FBI profiler around this motley crew.  Although she will be here at Fox, so Gunz, Bernie and Lou are safe.  Warner, strangely enough, is not here.  Suspicious?  Not yet.  But it’s still early.

    “TELL ME ABOUT THE LAMBS, MARYELLEN…WERE THEY…SCREAMING?”

    6:23:42 a.m. –   Gunz is in for the aforementioned absent Warner.  Dagen, in initiating a conversation about Tom Cruise in her Business Report, makes the I-Man share the fact that he hasn’t been inside a movie theater since he took the Ranch Kids to see ‘Seabiscuit’.  Which was 10 years ago.  We suspect the first movie he actually saw in a theater was ‘Birth of a Nation.’  Sea Biscuit was in the theaters in 2003.  “I was in diapers back then.” Gunz offers.  “Oh, on the weekends, you probably still are.”  Imus says.   Ohhhh we might have to agree with you there, boss.

    GUNZ SPENDING A QUIET SATURDAY NIGHT AT HOME (WITH HIS AWESOME NEW HAIRCUT)

    6:38:18 a.m. –   Bo Dietl is on to commend the fine police work shown by the Boston cops during last week’s manhunt.  The investigationatation was spectacularistic. 

    BOSTON POLICE ON THEIR WAY TO BO’S TABLE AT RAO’S

    705:21 a.m. –     The I-Man promotes upcoming guest Juan Williams, who, as we all know, was fired from National Public Radio.  “Why am I paying for NPR if the only political doctrine they espouse is liberal?” he wonders  aloud .  Well, it’s part of the XM/Sirius package…you’re also paying for the Oprah Channel.  Oh…you mean because your Tax Dollars are paying for NPR on Terrestrial Radio.  Well… Garrison Keillor’s gotta eat.

    YOUR TAX DOLLARS ARE OBVIOUSLY GOING TO THE BUFFET AT THE GOLDEN CORRAL.  (GARRISON DOES ENJOY THOSE YEAST ROLLS)

    7:18:44 a.m. –   Imus relates that he had a ‘Near Miss’ in Huntsville on the I-Jet.  The pilot aborted a landing and, instead, she opted for Conroe, Tx, which was 25 miles away, but strangely, an hour long trip in the air.  Of course, a ‘Near Miss’ is half a ‘Near Crash’.  But we are grateful for the I-Man’s safety.  The larger problem, however, are these tiny black dots that he’s noticed on his White, Platinum Escalade. Terror Bombings, Fertilizer Explosions, Unemployment, Gun Violence running rampant…but, stop the presses.  Somebody obviously took a peppermill to the I-Man’s car.

    SPOTS?  WHAT SPOTS? WE THOUGHT THIS WAS THE NEW PLATINUM ESCALADE ‘DALMATION EDITION’

    7:40:21 a.m. –   Juan Williams is the guest, and mentions that he was in Paris to celebrate his wedding anniversary, because, apparently, “The Old Girl wanted to go there.”  Old girl?  Does Mr. Williams he is on a nationally syndicated radio program that is also broadcast nationwide on television?  Why didn’t he just go ahead and say her ass DID look fat in those jeans?

    GUESS WHO’S IN THE DOGHOUSE NOW?

    8: 05:17 a.m. –  Lis Wiehl phones in to speak bout ‘Miranda Rights’, of which, obviously, we were misinformed.  We thought it had something to do with the freedom to wear fruit on your head.

    CARMEN MIRANDA…SHE LOOKS AWFULLY EXCITED ABOUT THOSE BANANAS

    8:17:23 a.m. –  We are horrified to discover that Gunz has a curling iron with him in the studio today.  Not that he actually has it, but that it has not done a THING to improve this awful hair cut he’s sporting.

    GUNZ MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT GETTING SOME BRACES AND CONTACTS, WHILE HE’S AT IT

    8:38:45 a.m. –  F.B.I. Profiler, Mary Ellen O’Toole is on to discuss the Boston Bombing suspects. We would much rather discuss the red streaks she has in her hair, according to her publicity photo Bigfoot has put up on the monitor throughout her phone interview.  We wonder what that particular physical trait would say about her to ANOTHER F.B.I. profiler.  Or, perhaps, in order to get perspective ON crazy…you need TO be crazy.  We think she should be on a taskforce to initiate a manhunt for Gunz Hairdresser.

    WE CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER: ‘DO THE COLLARS AND CUFFS MATCH?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    We Believe You Should Know Your Miranda Rights

    And So, To Help You,

    We Offer Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill

    From

    “21 Jump Street”

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxhfwmhIZlU

      

    Thursday
    Apr182013

    Gunz Got a Haircut

    6:05:00 a.m. –   Given the awful News that has dominated the week, it’s not really a ‘Comedy’ kind of morning, and hammering people seems like an ill-conceived idea today.  And yet, we just can’t resist weighing in on CNN’s John King, who is to Headline News what Larry King is to Marriage Counseling…what Harvey Fierstein is to Mixed Martial Arts…what Neil Diamond is to “Krunking”.  John reported that there had been an arrest in the Boston Bombing.  Which was not true.  We’re not sure who was King’s source, but we suspect he ran with information he gleaned from a ‘Phone Tip’, from a certain Mr. “Mike Hunt.”

    “THIS JUST IN…PRINCE ALBERT IS INDEED ‘IN THE CAN’…AUTHORITIES ARE ON THE SCENE TO ‘LET HIM OUT’.”

    6:25:18 a.m. –   The I-Man plays the crowd at the Boston Bruins game last night singing The National Anthem.  It’s an incredibly moving moment that serves as a reminder of how we are all one giant community of Americans.  And, thank God, is not yet another depressing John Prine song.

    6:43:21 a.m. –   Former Covert CIA Operative Mike Baker phones in.  He is imminently qualified to weigh in on the Boston Bombing.  Imus asks if the C.I.A. is involved in the investigation.  Baker replies that most definitely is the case. Normally, he is in studio live.  The fact that he has phoned in  leads us to believe that A- Baker is on the case, and B- Somewhere, there’s a piano missing a wire

    DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY YOU WOULD MESS WITH?  DIDN’T THINK SO.

    6:58:44 a.m. –   Off the air, Imus speaks with Gunz, and has the Nanny Cams in the WABC studio focus in on the Young Lad’s new ‘Hair Don’t’ .   The I-Man makes the remark that Gunz resembles ‘Jughead’ from the old ‘Archie’ comics.  “Who is that?” Gunz asks.   We are not disturbed by the generational gap extant between the two figures, however, we are somewhat surprised that Gunz has not been privy to impure thoughts about Betty and Veronica.

    GUNZ’S HAIR  LOOKS LIKE JUGHEAD’S HAT.  BUT AT LEAST JUGHEAD CAN TAKE OFF THE HAT

    7:10:22 a.m. –   Molly Line, Fox News Correspondent, is on from Boston.    She discusses the poor News Reporting done by CNN.  We hope Gunz is not watching the monitor, as we believe Ms. Line may be looking to procure a Restraining Order.

    MOLLY LINE.  BACK OFF, SHE’S MARRIED, GUNZ.

    7:21:23 a.m. –  The Boss and Numbnuts, (Imus and Connell, Respectively) discuss the Ricin Letters received by President Obama and Senator Roger Wicker, and the person who sent them, currently in custody.  “You can’t make this stuff up, the guy is an Elvis impersonator.” Connell muses.  “Well, Rob is an Elvis impersonator.” Imus says.  Connell warns the I-Man: “In that case, you better watch your mailbox.”

    ROB READING HIS ‘MANIFESTO’ INTO A TAPE RECORDER

    7:30:17 a.m. – I-Man shares a story about the Radio Station asking him to attend an Arbitron Seminar about how to…well, we’re not exactly sure, because we stopped listening at the words “The Radio Station wants the I-Man to attend an Arbitron seminar…”    How long has he been working for ABC?  How long has he been working in Radio?  How many years have you been listening to him?  WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?   The man just sold a MILLION effing Pillows on the radio.  PILLOWS!   And you actually expect him to attend a “Seminar”?   Why not just tell him there’s an Open Bar and Barbecue available there?   Although Rob and Tony may go over to the Station after the show to have a few pops and sample the buffet.

    WE WILL LISTEN TO WHATEVER ARBITRON HAS TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING IF THERE’S RIBS INVOLVED

    8:15:17 a.m. -   Deirdre has sent Gunz a photo of herself. We are not sure what Gunz reaction was to the shot, however, we do know that Warner’s Snapple somehow got knocked over.

    THIS PHOTO MADE WARNER HAVE TO USE THE RADIO STUDIO’S AED ON GUNZ,  (ALTHOUGH WARNER WAS SLIGHTLY CONFLICTED ABOUT THE WHOLE THING)

    8:44:45 a.m. –  Fox News Reporter Casey Stegall has been reporting from West, Texas all morning on the Fertilizer Plant Explosion.  He’s done amazing work, considering he has been up all night after spending the entire day yesterday reporting on the District Attorney shootings.  The I-Man has made a few complimentary remarks that suggest this guy might be Major Market Network ready.  Perhaps a promotion to a National Fox Program?

    CASEY STEGALL.  NO, WARNER, NOT CASEY STENGEL

    9:14:45 a.m. –  Gunz is filling in for Warner, who had to leave, for some reason, we hope, not to get a haircut.  Because Gunz has already fulfilled the quota of Mane Faux Pas.

    THERE’S ‘SOMETHING ABOUT GUNZ’

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzMsagY7oRs 

    THE BOSTON BRUINS FANS & THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER

    WE INVITE YOU TO SING ALONG

    Monday
    Apr152013

    When the I-Man Isn't Happy, Aint Nobody Happy!

    6:05:00 a.m. –   Warner is very excited about ‘42’, the new movie about Jackie Robinson, and how much the actors in the film look and sound like the people they are playing.  Um…Warner?  That would be the point.

    BRANCH RICKEY…DEAD RINGER FOR HARRISON FORD…IF HARRISON FORD LOOKED LIKE JOHN GOODMAN

    6:38:18 a.m. –   Bo Dietl tells a sad story about his 50th Birthday, in which, he felt ‘duped’ by Paul Anka for leading him to Foxwood’s Casino, where he was encouraged to keep gambling after he had already lost 350 thousand dollars.  Then they cut his credit line.  “You better wake up Cochise and give me another 50 thousand!”  After awhile, he lost that as well.  But what’s worse is that Bo lost it playing ‘Bingo’.

    “I GOT SHAFT-ITATED!  I ALMOST HAD THE FOUR CORNERS!”

    6:57:21 a.m. –   Bo ‘Stays After School’…he remains during the break, and, when he thinks he is off camera, he goes on a typical Dietl Tirade about the President which leads him to fall to his knees and beg Obama to ‘Do something in Washington.  Get everybody together!’.

    BO:  HE ALMOST ‘BUST-TATED’ A BLOOD VESSEL-IZATION

    7:05:44 a.m. –   Newsman Noam Laden is filling in for Dr. Bill Evans.  This morning, he refers to himself as “Weatherman, Noam Laden.”  Imus challenges him to refer to himself as ‘Dr.’ Noam Laden.   It’s illegal to impersonate a doctor, however, not illegal to pose as a ‘Weatherman’. 

    ‘DOCTOR’ NOAM – SOUNDS (AND LOOKS) LIKE A JAMES BOND VILLAIN

    7:16:22 a.m. –   Imus asks Dagen where Danica Patrick finished in Saturday’s NRA 500.  She informs the I-Man that she was 28th, way ahead of her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., who finished 40th.  Warner notes that Danica “Usually beats him ON and OFF the track.”  How does she ‘Beat him off the track?’  Mounting evidence that Warner is just a ‘Dirty Old Man’.

    “HEY, DANICA, I’M ALL LUBED UP.   I MEAN, THE CAR’S ALL LUBED UP.”

    7:18:23 a.m. –  Noam ‘Goes for it.’   Not only does he say he’s ‘Doctor’ Noam Laden, he calls himself, ‘Meteorologist Doctor Noam Laden.’

    “DOCTOR NO-AM”

    7:25:17 a.m. –  Bernie bamboozles the I-Man, playing a ‘doctored’ clip of Jim Nantz, seemingly asking 8th  Grade, 14 year old Golf Prodigy TianLang Guan a question about North Korean Nukes, to which, the lad appears to answer, “I just want to inspire other kids to play golf.”  Imus goes off about Nantz, taking out the CBS Commentator for having the stones to ask a kid a difficult question, but failing to ask the Green Jacket racists about Tiger Woods.  Bernie comes clean.  The I-Man is not happy. And when the I-Man isn’t happy, AIN’T NOBODY HAPPY!

    “BERNIE YOU MORON!”

    7:37:23 a.m. –  Juan Williams is on, and he and the boss discuss Bernard’s ‘Late’ April Fool’s day joke.   We don’t have the heart to tell Imus that it’s not really Juan Williams he’s really talking to, it’s a Juan Williams impersonator that Bernie has hired.  It’s an uncanny impression…so good, in fact, that even Warner thinks it sounds ‘Just like the real people.’

    JUAN WILLIAMS IMPERSONATOR, SLY WILLIAMS III

    8:05:15 a.m. –  We discuss Justin Bieber signing the book at the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam, in which, he postulates that she would have been a ‘Belieber’, a fan of the delusional, monkey loving little dweeb.  We’re not so sure Anne would’ve been rocking “Baby Baby Baby” on her Victrola…she was trying to avoid being discovered by the Gestapo. 

    “I’M WITH STUPID”

    8:06:57 a.m. –  The I-Man reminisces about the late, great, Jonathan Winters. He tells the story about seeing Jonathan induct Gary Owens into some kind of Radio Hall of Fame or other, in a ballroom, where, next door, a wedding was going on.  Mr. Winters did 20 minutes just on what he imagined what was happening.  He said it was the funniest thing he’s ever seen or heard…and he couldn’t breathe it was so funny.  We aspire to being THAT funny.  For as long as it takes.

    RIP JONATHAN WINTERS

    NOVEMBER 11TH 1925 – APRIL 11TH, 2013

    THE FUNNIEST HUMAN TO EVER WALK THE EARTH

    8:15:12a.m. –  Warner shares a story about his ruptured Achilles.  Apparently, he injured it while playing touch football in 1972, on his 75th birthday. 

    WE ARE NOT SURPRISED THAT WARNER SUFFERED A SPORTS INJURY…WE ARE, HOWEVER, A LITTLE TAKEN ABACK BY THE FACT THAT HE HAD A PEDICURE AND WAS WEARING HEELS WHEN IT HAPPENED.

    8:18:38 a.m. –  During yet another tedious ‘My Pillow’ spot, the I-Man discovers that Warner actually GAVE AWAY his to his daughter and son in law.  He asks if Warner would like another one.  Warner declines the offer.  This is troubling news.  Not only does Warner not like the ‘My Pillow’…and refuses to see ‘Book of Mormon’, but he gave used pillows to his daughter and son in law.  We can’t decide what’s worse, Warner being a cheapskate by giving away used pillows as gifts…or the creepiness of knowing that his daughter and son in law are sleeping on pillows that Warner has already drooled on.

    WE CERTAINLY HOPE THIS WASN’T WARNER’S DAUGHTER’S WEDDING PRESENT

    8:38:18 a.m. –   Bob Schieffer is on.  The I-Man thinks ‘The Old Man is slipping.’   We think he’s talking about Bob Schieffer.  But we can’t really be sure.

    BOB SCHIEFFER WAS THE FIRST TO BREAK THE NEWS ABOUT THE TEA PARTY.  NOT THE ONE AFFILIATED WITH SARAH PALIN…THE ACTUAL “TEA PARTY” THAT WENT ON IN BOSTON HARBOR

    9:01:16 a.m. -  The I-Man says he was angry at himself for watching The Masters Tournament, as he is vehemently against the inherent racism extant at Augusta National.  But he just couldn’t take his eyes off the Black Guy and the Chinese Kid.

    THE YIN AND THE YANG OF THE PGA

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A CLIP OF THE FUNNIEST MAN TO EVER ROAM THE EARTH

     

    THE LATE, GREAT

    JONATHAN WINTERS

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwWDa1xPTPA

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hcgXXJk_nw

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XynxTU8ovZ8