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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Psychos, Monday and Thursday at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 


Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe - As a children's health advocate dedicated to raising awareness of and protecting children from the numerous toxins in this world, I cannot strongly enough recommend the film “Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe.”  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Bonnie's Bowtie Broccoli Pasta - Recipe by Bonnie Eskenazi - For a quick and easy meal try this delicious pasta dish.

 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Hawks shut down Celtics - The Atlanta Hawks advanced to the second round with a 104–92, series-clinching Game 6 road victory over the Boston Celtics on Thursday night. 

Marlins' Gordon suspended 80 games for PEDs - Defending National League batting champion Dee Gordon was suspended 80 games early Friday morning after he tested positive for two types of performance-enhancing drugs, Major League Baseball announced in disciplining the Miami Marlins’ second baseman.

Broncos Draft Paxton Lynch - The Denver Broncos have finally added another piece at quarterback. The defending Super Bowl champions drafted Memphis' Paxton Lynch with the No. 26 pick in the NFL draft.

Jack fallsUCLA's  out of first round, lose s millions- Nothing good can happen when NFL teams start dissecting medical records before the draft. It'll either be neutral or bad. For UCLA linebacker Myles Jack, it was really bad.

 

Recent Guests:
    Thursday
    Apr232015

    The Boss is Not Happy

    6:06:06 a.m. –    The Boss is not happy today.  And when the I-Man ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.   Paw Paw REALLY needs his pills today…because Dana Perino, who was, you might remember, the guest for whom Dwight Yoakam was the opening act yesterday, came in with her talking points AND an attitude, so that the I-Man could not engage in a conversation with her.   He wasn’t happy when she was here in the studio, and even less happy, (sorry, FEWER happy) when he got home to watch the TIVO of the program.  Where, by the way, he couldn’t have a conversation with her either…despite the fact that he is wont to talk to the screen of the TV, as he does to the recorded spots here on the radio. 

    DON’T WASTE THE ARROWS…

    6:07:14 a.m. –    As if that wasn’t enough, Imus is not happy with Apple Watches, and the people who wear them.   Like Drake, and Anna Wintour, and Pharrell, Katy Perry and Neil Patrick Harris.  And Beyonce’ is sporting the 17 THOUSAND DOLLAR version.  That REALLY irritates the I-Man.  If the Apple Watch was REALLY cool, as pretentious as he is, HE’D have one.  But he’d change the name to the iWatch.  Except it doesn’t cost enough to grace the iWrist.  When you are a media icon and beloved character, you can’t be seen in something that…NEIL PATRICK HARRIS wears.

    “WAIT ‘TIL I GO HOME AND SHOW NANA MY COOL NEW WATCH!”

    6:08:18 a.m. – Third on the Hit List this morning, are the Hair and Makeup people here at Fox.  Imus reports that you can’t say ANYTHING about the way they do your hair or makeup, otherwise they get into a snit.   Of course, they are not the people who you would want in a snit.  He thought his hair and makeup looked bad BEFORE…

    THE I-MAN AFTER GETTING OUT OF THE HAIR AND MAKEUP CHAIR.  WHAT IS THE MORAL TO THE STORY HERE?  DON’T PISS OFF THE HELP.  ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE IN CHARGE OF MAKING YOU LOOK GOOD FOR CAMERA

    6:12:22a.m. –  We’re not sure why Lou Dobbs is also in the iSIGHTS this morning, other than the fact that, he didn’t show up for his appearance on the program…that was a few months ago.   Much like an elephant with a grudge, the I-Man never forgets.  And we agree, Lou Dobbs IS an @$$#@!&.

    6:17:34  a.m. –  John McCain sucks, and so does his Dickhead Staff.  The I-Man attempted to reach out to the Senator, who, apparently, is too busy to speak with the Boss…at least according to McCain’s ‘people’.   We assume the Senator is in the middle of a hot ‘Words with Friends’ game with Lindsay Graham…which precludes him from speaking with his good friend.  Finally, the staff gets back to Imus, and says that the Senator can speak at 5:30 p.m., which doesn’t work for the I-Man, because that’s when he works out.   And he wouldn’t want to drop one of those 3 pound weights on the phone.  They get back to him with an appointment for 3:55 in the afternoon.  Really?  Seriously?   Imus comes back with  ‘How about 2:57?’   They don’t get it.   Surprise, surprise.

    SENATOR MCCAIN IS A BUSY, BUSY MAN

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Gayle Tzemach Lemmon is on to promote her new book, Ashley’s War: The Untold Story of a Team of Women Soldiers on the Special Ops Battlefield.  The I-Man isn’t sure how to pronounce Ms. Lemmon’s name, and so he asks Dagen how to do so, as Dagen is “The smartest person here…you can ask her ANYTHING.”   Dagen immediately has the answer.   “Gail…her name is Gail…rhymes with ‘Bail’…okay, stupid? S.T.U.P.I.D.   It rhymes with ‘Cupid’”

    GAYLE.  RHYMES WITH ‘PAIL

    6:55:48 a.m. –   “What a great guest, huh?”  The I-Man asks us after the interview.  We agree.  “Smart, engaging, charming…”  “..and a Snappy Lookin’ Woman”   he adds.  Snappy?  This, about a woman who chronicled the lives of women soldiers serving with Special Operations Forces, in a combat zone, who, in her own research for the book, might have encountered similar danger as the female soldiers?   Then again, it’s much easier to listen to a woman talk about anything if she’s not some…hideous hose beast.

    “WE’RE SORRY, ROSIE…WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?”

    7:02:50 a.m. –  During his Weather Report, Dr. Bill reports that there is going to be some serious wind this afternoon, due to a High Pressure system coming in from Canada, which will also bring some freezing temperatures, so he warns that we should bring the pets and the plants inside.    He especially wants to make sure that the I-Man covers his ‘Tender Vegetation’.  Um….we suppose it IS pretty tender, like a little green sprout and…come to think of it, it’s also probably been vegetating.

    THE I-MAN’S LITTLE…’WOOD’.

    7:40:18 a.m. – PSYCHOS PART DEUX, begins with Alan Colmes weighing in on former Playboy Model and Veteran, Michelle Manheart, grabbing a flag from a group of protestors, to prevent it being stepped on…ostensibly to protect it, as she protected the country when she was serving it, from defilement.  Alan maintains that the protesting students’ rights to free speech were violated, even though he condemned their treatment of the flag himself.  It just so happens, Deirdre, was planning on talking about the same thing.  EXCEPT SHE GOES BAT$#IT CRAZY, SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS HOW THE FLAG WAS BEING DESECRATED AND IF HE IS IN FAVOR OF FREE SPEECH OVER THE ABUSE OF OUR NATION’S SYMBOL, HE SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT OF THE COUNTRY ALONG WITH THE REST OF HIS COMMUNIST FRIENDS.

    MICHELLE MANHEART…NOT DESECRATING THE STARS & STRIPES

    7:42:47 a.m. – Deirdre’s vitriol is such that, even the I-Man himself is frightened enough that he spills his coffee all over himself and the floor.  Which he is particularly irritated by, despite the fact that he is used to sitting in, an, and on a puddle. 

    SOMETIMES, WHEN HE HAS TOO MUCH WATER BEFORE HE GOES TO SLEEP, THE COMFORT OF THE MY PILLOW KEEPS HIM FROM WAKING UP…AND SO, COME MORNING, HE FINDS HE HAS A…WATER BED.

    7:43:11 a.m. – Carley is incensed by men who feel it necessary to ruin movies and TV shows for her.  Especially, her fiancée’ Pete, who had been haranguing her about ‘Breaking Bad’, and when she finally caved in, sat down and began to watch it with him, he interrupted to tell her how that particular storyline would play out.  Spoiler Alert!  Walter White dies.  Ooops!   Sorry Carley, we can’t help it.  We’re still reeling over the fact that Kevin Spacey was Keyser Sose, and Bruce Willis was dead the whole movie ‘The Sixth Sense’.  And Darth Imus IS Wyatt’s father.

    THE DARK LORD…WHO NEEDS HELP BREATHING

    7:45:18 a.m. –  Gunz complains Kylie Jenner’s ‘Lip Challenge’, where teen girls are doing everything they can to get the pouty, luscious, duck face lips Ms. Jenner sports in her Selfies on Instagram.  (By Ms. Jenner, we are referring to Kylie…not Kendall, Kris…or Bruce, for that matter) 

    STEVEN TYLER HAS SPORTED THE KYLIE JENNER LOOK FOR YEARS…BUT NOBODY GAVE HIM THE AMOUNT OF GRIEF THEY’RE GIVING TO BRUCE…

    7:47:23  a.m. –  And, speaking of Bruce Jenner, Bernie is upset with ‘Gender Neutral Bathrooms’…which would, essentially, remove urinals, resulting in longer lines at Public Toilets like Women’s rooms currently suffer.  We are, quite frankly, surprised.   We thought Bernard was off Urinals ever since he mistakenly tried one of the mints.   Although you’d think he’d be okay with the Gender Neutral design…as he always sits down to pee.

    “I SHOULDN’T HAVE DRANK ALL THOSE BUDWEISERS…”

    8:05:10 a.m. –  The Boss goes back to the Apple Watch dilemma.  He doesn’t know ANYONE who would get or wear one…except himself.  He finally admits that his Alcoholic/Drug Addict OC Personality would insure that he had one before they even came out.   And he would today, if it weren’t for the fact that Deirdre won’t let him get one.   She doesn’t want him to die from radiation poisoning, as she has spent so much time and effort poisoning his food since they’ve been married.  Turns out organic Kale hides the taste of Arsenic REALLY well.  Especially in microscopic portions, over the course of a few years.

    WE WOULDN’T WEAR THAT ON OUR PENIS IF WE WERE YOU, BOSS

    8:35:00 a.m  –  I-Fave, (ACTUAL, REAL I-FAVE…AND ROBFAVE, TONYFAVE, NATFAVE, CARLEYFAVE…) Neil Cavuto is in.  And, turns out, one of his Five Favorite Songs is sung by AC/DC.  Somehow, as much as we adore Mr. Cavuto, we have a hard time seeing him in floor seats at a concert, flashing the ‘Rock Horns’, holding a lighter, screaming ANGUS RULES!!

    NEIL CAVUTO CROWDSURFING AT COACHELLA

    8:44:00 a.m  –  Cavuto is confused with the I-Man’s recent feelings about Dana Perino, when she was listed on the Imus in the Morning Website as…an ‘I-Fave’.   Of course, Neil is unaware that he is the only REAL I-Fave here at Fox.  Nonetheless, he calls the Boss ‘Sybil in a Cowboy Hat’.   Not true.  Sybil only had 16 separate personalities.  The I-Man’s number is in the Mid five figures. William Morris doesn’t have as many ‘Personalities’.

    6 OF THE MORE FAVORITE PERSONALITIES OF THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS THE I-MAN HAS IN HIS REPETOIRE

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dQK8TCTuTY

    THE I-MAN’S DANCING ‘WOOD’

    Wednesday
    Apr222015

    Dwight is Here!

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Dwight Yoakam and his band are here this morning, and Dagen has gotten all dolled up in honor of Dwight’s appearance.  The I-Man comments that she looks like a the girls standing by the Lincoln Tunnel.  Actually, she looks like a Time Traveller,  because, as she points out, there haven’t been girls at the Lincoln Tunnel in 25 years.

    DAGEN SETS THE TIME MACHINE FOR 1978

     6:08:18 a.m. –  Imus got his watch fixed so it is now to his liking.  Which begs the question:  ‘Why buy a 75,000 dollar watch that you need to change?’  We’re very impressed with his confidence in his masculinity as he is able to confidently wear Liberace’s Rolex without shame.  He has had the face replaced.  Which begs another question.  ‘When is Deirdre going to get his fixed?’  But, then again, why marry a cranky cowboy in the first place?   Because he can afford a 75,000 dollar watch.

    THE NEW WATCHFACE ON THE ROLEX.  IMUS LIKES WHEN IT’S 6:30.  THEN IT LOOKS LIKE MICKEY IS PLAYING WITH HIS PENIS

    6:17: 14 a.m. –   There is a story about a woman who fired two shots into a Drive Thru window at a McDonald’s because they didn’t put bacon on her hamburger.   Which is one of the reasons why we are nervous about the I-Man owning a Glock.  We wonder if that Rolex salesman knows how lucky he really is. 

    “DON’T SHOOT!  I ONLY PUT LETTUCE AND PICKLE AND TOMATO ON THE BUN…NO MEAT! “

    6:22:22a.m. –  Dwight sings ‘The Big Time’.  The band is smokin’.  His jeans are tight.  Dagen gets the vapors.

    DAGEN’S FANTASY:

    “HEY THERE, DARLIN’…LET OL’ PAW PAW SHOW YOU HOW TO FINGER THAT…”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Dana Perino started as a country DJ.  She says that she’s “…a little in awe that Dwight’s warming up for me.”    Um…you think Dwight Yoakam is OPENING for you?     How do we put this gently…you’re a F$#@ING moron.  Not to put too fine a point on it.   Dwight Yoakam is Country Music Royalty, and Dana Perino’s claim to fame is being the 27th White House Press Secretary under George W. Bush.  And is the one who took the ‘Shoe’ for him.  We used to think that the guy who threw it had lousy aim.  Now we realize she was the one at whom he was throwing it.

    “DUCK, MR. PRESIDENT!

    “UM…DANA…I THINK HE’S AIMING FOR YOU.”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Dwight sits down on set with us, and is stupefied at the I-Man’s mercurial mood swings.   He’s especially bemused by how little it takes for the Boss to lose it.  Completely.  He thinks somebody should “Go get Paw Paw his pills…otherwise he’s gonna ruin yer whole day!”

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DUDE? WHAT IS YOU’RE EFFIN’ PROBLEM?

    7:15:30 a.m. –     The I-Man interrupts Connell during his news cast, leaving Connell to ask the Boss if he had the hiccups.  To which, the  I-Man answers in the affirmative. “You might want to think about holding your breath”, Connell suggests.   We agree.  Hold it until your face turns…black.

    …JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES…

    7:40:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE   or, as we like to call it, ‘The Reason Why We Think Being Gay Just Might Be A Choice After All.’    The segment begins with ‘Bill or Hillary, Who’s the Bigger Douche?’ then moves on to the legal fight between Sophia Vergara and her ex-boyfriend over the ownership of her embryos…we really didn’t hear all of what was going on…because we were in the garage with the door closed and the car idling and the motor was too loud. 

    THIS GUY FINALLY HAD ENOUGH.  UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS AN  ELECTRIC CAR

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus wonders why Dwight’s Band sounds so good.  It’s an age-old secret….they’re actually…good.

     WHO KNEW MARCO RUBIO WAS SO F%$#ING AMAZING ON THE GUITAR?

    8:16:32 a.m. –  From this point forward, we get three more songs from Dwight and the boys, and, backstage, he gives us a little background on just how prevalent and ubiquitous he has been throughout musical history.  He’s TRULY, ‘Been there, done that.’

     BACK WHEN HE WAS LUDWIG VAN YOAKAM   

    WRITING ‘CELLOS, HARPSICORDS AND RENAISSANCE MUSIC’

    DWIGHT AND THE ‘FREEDOM THREE’.   NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THIS, BUT HE WROTE ‘YANKEE DOODLE’  (WHICH PAUL McCARTNEY NOW OWNS)

      DWIGHT’S CIVIL WAR GROUP  ‘D.Y. AND THE BLUE BELLIES’

    PLAYING DOUBLE BASS FOR THE KING CARTER JAZZING ORCHESTRA…

    …AND TRUMPET SOLOIST FOR ED FULLERS FAMOUS JAZZ BAND

    FILLING IN FOR JOHN ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW

    AND DURING HIS ZIGGY STARDUST PERIOD

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    HE’S NOT JUST AN AMAZING SONGWRITER,

    MUSICIAN & ACTOR

    THE BOY’S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY, TOO

     

    click this link

    and

    “Bring Paw Paw his pills…”

    Tuesday
    Apr212015

    Tales From the I-Man

    6:06:06 a.m. –    The Boss begins the morning with an ‘Imponderable’:  “Bill O’Reilly is on the shore of the beach.  Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannitty are in the ocean…drowning.  He has a lifesaver but he can only rescue one.  Who does he choose?     Neither.  He drops the Lifesaver in the sand and walks back up to the Beach Bar and has a Pina Colada.”   We, given the same choice would probably opt for Megyn Kelly.  Because she’d come out of the water all wet and glistening and…excuse us.  We’ll be right back.

    TURNS OUT OUR PHOTO OF MEGYN IS ALSO A LITTLE WET…WE SPILLED COFFEE ON IT.  YEAH, THAT’S IT…WE SPILLED ‘COFFEE’ ON IT.

     6:08:18 a.m. –  Dagen reports that Bluebell Ice Cream, headquartered in the I-Man’s hometown…(well, not his HOME town, but his newly adopted SECONDHOMEtown) is recalling ALL its products…due to a contamination of Listeria.  It can cause Sepsis and Meningitis and Encephelatis, which means that Ben & Jerry will now put their new flavors, “Bacteria  Hysteria”, and “Ebola Chip” on hold for now.   chlamidia

    YOU SHOULD GET VACCINATED BEFORE YOU EAT THEM

    6:12:22a.m. – Yesterday, Imus really SPOKE to H.B. Barnum of the legendary ‘Wrecking Crew’, studio musicians.  Back in the day, The I-Man hung around with them at Goldstar and was actually present when the Righteous Brothers recorded  ‘You Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’’ He asked Mr. Barnum if he remembered him.  He started laughing…apparently, not only does he know the Legendary I-Man, he says he’s a ‘Big Fan’.  But that’s not the only thing making him laugh.  Apparently, he has pictures of Imus actually IN the studio.  We hope he’s not peeing in them.

    THE I-MAN, SITTING IN ON UKELELE, WITH CAROL KAYE ON BASS AND THE WRECKING CREW STRINGS RECORDING  ‘C. PERCY MERCY OF SCOTLAND YARD’ BY THE MARATHONS

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Jim Haworth, the President of the Professional Bull Riders Association…an Organization that was just bought by IMG/Morris for…well, he wouldn’t say, but rumors indicate that it’s in the 9 figure range.   He said the appeal is the ‘Man vs. Beast’…not unlike this program.  He hopes this merger will help to promote the sport and the participants…even the Bulls have their own Facebook Pages.  Bushwhacker, the PBR Bull, has 31 THOUSAND ‘Likes’ on his page.  As opposed to the ‘Don Imus’ Community, which has…185.   Not thousand.  Just 185.  Guess you’re better off BEING a bull, than talking it.

    THERE WILL BE SOME VERY SIGNIFICANT CHANGES WHEN WILLIAM MORRIS OFFICIALLY TAKES OVER THE PBR

     

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man laments that rodeo should be much bigger in America…it’s a great sport…it’s American…and much better than those ‘Terrorist’ Sports…like Tennis.

    “INFIDEL!   I AM BEATING YOU IN STRAIGHT SETS AS ALLAH IS MY WITNESS!”

    7:12:24 a.m. –     Dagen reports that Kraft is no longer going to use the Food Dyes they currently use in their ‘Macaroni & Cheese’.   Instead, they will opt for natural colors from spices like Paprika and Tumeric.  The Nuclear Orange will be no more.  But at least we’ll still be able to get that Glow in the Dark dust on our fingers when we eat Cheese Doodles.

    LAMA TEMPA DINYA, SITTING ON THE ‘HOLY DUSTY LOGS’ DEMONSTRATING HOW CHEESE DOODLES AND KRAFT MACARONI N’ CHEESE  ARE  THE FAVORITE FOODS OF FOUR OUT OF FIVE BUDDHIST MONKS

    7:22:28 a.m. –     Imus goes to spots with a song by The Marathons called  ‘Peanut Butter’  which H.B. Barnum wrote, parodying the Olympics’ Hully Gully.  So, in addition to H.B. knowing who the I-Man is, he also has the fact that he was the 1960’s version of Weird Al going for him.

    H. B. BARNUM: THE GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER OF R & B

    7:37:18 a.m. –  PSYCHOS I   Featuring Nat Candido, Deirdre Imus, Dagen McDowell, and, filling in for Bo Dietl, CARLEY SHIMKUS!!!     Nat is positively OUTRAGED by being cut off at the Discount Beer Line at Citifield, which offers 5 dollar brews until 6:30…and they stopped selling them as soon as he got to the counter…which was at 6:29.

    APPARENTLY, NAT HAD BEEN SUCKING DOWN BREWSKIS SINCE 6:30 a.m.

    7:39:47 a.m. –  Carley is next, and has that timeworn women’s complaint:  “Men are Pigs!”   She says that the I-Man needs a dropcloth for when he eats his breakfast; he has two garbage cans on either side of him and yet his empty coffee cups never seem to find them; nor do the snotty tissues…and when he eats his ‘Protein Box’…and sucks the Peanut Butter out of the plastic packet, (Which is a sight just slightly more disgusting than him dribbling oatmeal on his chin) the Peanut Butter gets smeared on the desk as if he’s trying to win an award for Finger Painting.

    CARLEY?  WE PRAY THAT’S ACTUALLY JUST PEANUT BUTTER

    7:40:08 a.m. –   Deirdre is disgusted with the I-Man’s incessant attempts to pit people against one another, his Bill O’Reilly / Megyn Kelly / Sean Hannity query being her case in point.  We get the feeling that if her husband and Kim Jong Un were drowning, and she was on shore and could only rescue either / or?   She would invoke the ‘Mama T’ story.  “I’ll start with this one.”   But it would take so long for her to decide WHICH one, so they’d BOTH drown.

    “HEY KIM!  HANG ON! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!  BY THE WAY,  ONE QUESTION: HOW LONG CAN YOU TREAD WATER?”

    7:42:56 a.m. –  Dagen is, apparently, not a fan of  ‘Ass Creases’…not ‘Plumbers’ Cracks’, but the two horizontal folds right where the buttocks folds under the thigh, plainly seen when a woman is wearing a pair of ‘Too High Jogging Shorts’. 

     

    EPIC FAIL.

    8:05:10 a.m. –  We get more of the history of the I-Man…and discover that he not only had a band in High School, he had one in The Marines, where he was…the singer.  A blues singer / aspiring Rock n’ Roller.  Uhhhh huh.   Wow.   He wrote songs and when he got to L.A. he was told that they were just…’Okay’…which is Imus for ‘Awful’ when it’s about something HE did.

    NO.   JUST…NO.

    8:17:32 a.m. –  Connell reports that former Egyptian President Muhammed Morsi has been jailed…for terrorism.    “Bend over and pick up the Falafel”, the I-Man decrees.  So THAT’S what they call it over there.

    “HEY!  WAIT A MINUTE!  THERE’S NO FALAFEL HERE!”

    8:18:36 a.m. –   Warner reports that Cincinnati Reds’ manager, Bryan Price, broke Tommy Lasorda’s foul language tirade record, dropping 77 ‘F-Bombs’ in a five minute press conference.  He plays a clip of the profanity laden outburst, which has so many beeps in it, it sounds like R2-D2 having an epileptic fit.  

    “SOMEBODY PUT A SPOON IN THAT ROBOT’S MOUTH!!!”

    8:35:00 a.m  –  Author James Bradley is on…an impressive man and I-Fave,  to discuss his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE, which, initially, we think are hunger driven visions of Egg Rolls and Lo Mein, but, actually, it’s about our disastrous history of foreign policy with China and the false hopes of Americans who think the ‘A-Hole’ China will disappear, and a new, kinder, gentler China will take its’ place.   Of course, a half hour later, the A-Hole China will return.  Which you’d already know if you read your fortune cookie.

    9:05:12 a.m. –  Imus has major decisions to make today.  It seems that the face on his 75 THOUSAND DOLLAR Diamond and Platinum Rolex Watch is no longer pleasing to the ‘I-Eye’.  He will have it replaced with one of his own choosing, one that is more ‘blue’ than ‘white’.  We wonder what he will do with the original face, and find out that he plans to donate it to a small third world country that will now be able to afford that irrigation system they so desperately need.  

    OH YEAH.  THE BLUE FACE WILL MAKE IT LOOK MUCH MORE MANLY.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    This Isn’t the Original by the Marathons, but…

    THIS is the version on Senator Lindsey Graham’s iPod

     

    (Although it does appear that it’s more of a song about…SAUSAGE.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFoRH-VtFO4 

    Monday
    Apr202015

    Special "420" Edition

     

    6:05:10 a.m. –    Well, it’s 420.  Which is the unofficial holiday known as ‘Weed Day’, so named because…um…it’s…hehehehehehehehe…what?  Stop looking at me, man.  Why are you looking at me?  Hehehehehhehe.  Shhh.  Do you hear somebody coming?   Hey.  DORITOS!  Right?  RIGHT?   What?   Oh.   Hehehehehehe.

    “DUDE.  HASH BROWNS ON  THE SANDWICH, DUDE!  FOR REALS! THAT’S WHY THEY SHOULD MARILIZE LEGAL JUANA.”

    6:06:18 a.m. – Bigfoot is not here. We hope he’s okay.  And not caught in some bear trap…we mean ‘bad traffic’…they sound alike.  Hey.  Bear Trap.  Bad Traffic.  Wow.  That’s deep.  What day is it?  You gonna finish that egg sammidge?  Wow.  Duuuude.  I am so…baked right now!

    ‘THESE ARE FRESH.  HIS CAR MUST’VE BROKEN DOWN.  HE’S HEADED TO FOX ON FOOT.  ALERT SECURITY, WE DON’T WANT HIM GETTING SHOT TRYING TO ENTER THE BUILDING.’

    6:12:22a.m. –  The Boss gives us another piece of history that looms large in his legend.  Sometime around 1960 he was entered in a Talent Contest at a club in the heart of…WATTS, ostensibly, the only White Guy within a 20 mile radius.  What was his talent?   Being ‘The Bravest Man in the World.’  He also sang a song he wrote called ‘Gunfight at the Sunset Strip’.   We think the judges believed he was a comic…or somebody challenged besides being the only White guy within a 20 Mile radius.

    “HEY! SHUT UP!  I’M SINGING HERE!  ARE YOU FOLKS EVEN LISTENING?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Juan Williams and the I-Man discuss National Politics including Lindsey Graham suggesting on Fox that there is a 91% chance of him running for president.   A statement that immediately led the Boss to ask “Do you think Lindsey Graham wears women’s underwear?”   Juan didn’t take the bait, however.  We suspect because HE is wearing women’s underwear.  We know the I-Man is. 

    WHY, BEAUREGARD!  I DO DECLARE, YOU’VE CAUGHT ME IN MY UNMENTIONABLES!  PRISSY!  GO FETCH ME MY SHAWL!”

    6:42:28 a.m. –  Imus asks Juan for some advice as to what he should do about the upcoming Bill O’Reilly interview, and if he should play Bill the sound bite of Megyn Kelly maintaining she would be a better interviewer of Hillary Clinton than he would be.  Juan is all for it, just because he wants to see some ‘White on White’ crime for a change.

    “MICRO?  YOU KNOW WHAT’S REALLY MICRO?  THAT THING YOUR HUSBAND HAS IN HIS PANTS!”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Academy of Country Music Awards were last night, which Imus mistook for the Country Music  Awards, in other words, he thought it was the CMAs when it was actually the ACMs…because he’s ADD.   And he has COPD.  But he likes NWA.  He’s always been a Dr. Dre. Fan.  That is, until he found out that  Dre couldn’t  write scrip.

    NO VICODIN, BUT MEDICINAL CANNIBIS…YO, YOU GOTS TO HIT DAT $#*t !

    7:15:30 a.m. –  The City Council of New York votes to De-Criminalize Public Urination, which comes as a great relief to the I-Man…as he will no longer have to post bail when he gets a UTI and can’t make it to the restroom. 

    PENTHOUSE, ASTOR PLACE, NYC, CIRCA 1979

    7:17:41 a.m. –     Warner begins to throw Bigfoot under the bus for not having the video clip ready of Cleveland Cavaliers Superstar Point Guard, Kyrie Irving.  Bigfoot responds that “We were in the middle of cueing up the video of your induction into the Washington D.C. Sports Hall of Fame.”   Warner responds… that had he known that, he wouldn’t have even brought up Kyrie Irving.

    “DUDE!  LOOK AT WARNER!  HE IS TOTALLY  %#@KED UP!  DID YOU GIVE HIM SOME OF THAT A-DUB TICKLE KUSH OF YOURS?  I THINK HE BOGARTED THE WHOLE JOINT,!  WARNER!  YOU OKAY, DUDE?”

    “…HOT DOGEE…I WANT A HOT DOGEEE.”

    7:18:36  a.m. –  Connell’s wife, Phyllis, was at the Islanders Playoff game yesterday.  She became such a fan of the Islanders, that she vowed to never attend another Mets game, again.  Ever.  Just like  the Wilpons will be… by midseason.

    CONNELL POSES IN FRONT OF A POSTER OF HIS WIFE, PHYLLIS, WHO WENT MISSING, ONLY TO BE FOUND LATER THAT DAY, AT AN ISLANDERS’ GAME

    7:40:18 a.m. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  with Tony Powell, Nat Candido, Lou Rufino, Warner Wolf and Gunz Gunzelman, because…you need to have at least one woman on the panel.  The Gentlemen…(and Lady) discuss that nobody is talking about Rangers Hockey, despite the fact that they have a great chance to win the Stanley Cup Championship this year.   Although Gunz, like Connell’s wife, is another female hockey fan.

    GUNZ ACTUALLY PLAYED GOALIE FOR HER COLLEGE HOCKEY TEAM

    8:16:32 a.m. – Warner has played the video clip of Mets Catcher, Travis D’Arnaud, (n. pron. “Dar-No’ “)  getting his hand fractured when hit by a pitch.  Each time, he has said Travis’ name differently.  “Dee-Arno, De-naud, Denied, It’s Delightful, It’s Delicious It’s DeLovely.”  Cole Porter! 1936 Gold, here on your Heartbreak Radio Station!  Warner played it when it was a hit.  And introduced it as a ‘Cold Porter Song’.

    FROM WARNER’S EXTENSIVE RECORD COLLECTION

    D’ARNAUD’S REPLACEMENT, KEVIN PLEWECKI.  WE WILL HAVE TO HAVE A DEFIBRILLATOR HANDY WHEN WARNER ATTEMPTS TO PRONOUNCE HIS NAME.

    8:35:00 a.m  –    Bill O’Reilly is on to promote his ‘Legends and Lies’ program, of which he is executive producer, profiling some great Old West Icons…like the Lone Ranger, who, according to Bill, was not only based upon a real person…but that person happened to be black.  Bass Reeves, was his name and he lived amongst Native Americans.  Which makes us wonder if ‘Kemosabe’ was known back then as ‘The K Word.’

    THE’HOLMES RANGER’

    HIS SIDEKICK…TERRELL.  (HE WAS A BLACKFOOT INDIAN)

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WARNER BRIEFLY INTERVIEWS ANDRE’ THE GIANT

    CLEARLY DEMONSTRATING WHY HE DESERVES TO BE IN THE WASHINGTON D.C. SPORTS HALL OF FAME

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIPKF0JVEaI

    (AND WHY ANDRE’ MUST’VE THOUGHT HE WON SOMETHING AND WARNER WAS SOME KIND OF TROPHY)

    Friday
    Apr172015

    May the Force Be With You

    6:06:06 a.m. –    Lou Rufino is back.  Glory Hallelujah, Praise God!  The family has been reunited, much to the I-Man’s delight.  He is so happy about this, that he pauses for a special shout out to Crash for his performance taking over for Mr. Rufino.  He praises Crash’s enthusiasm, passion, and energy in his solid effort to pick up the baton…only to give it back to Lou this morning.

    LOU IS REALLY NOT A REDHEAD.  IT’S JUST HIS SECRET IDENTITY

    6:08:18 a.m. –  Tommy, the Malaysian Doorman at Imus’ Building, to whom we introduced you to yesterday in this very blog, was on duty this morning as the I-Man left for work.  “Where’s the plane, Tommy?”    And…Tommy told him.  Unfortunately, he told him in…Malay.   But the Boss says he’s going to put it through his Translator App this weekend and tell us where the plane is Monday.  If you want to know now, we will translate it for you:  Terpulang pantat anda , anda bajingan dalam keadaan sihat.   “It’s closer than you think.”

     “Lain kali anda mempunyai temujanji dengan Doktor Katz , mempunyai dia mengambil ia keluar!”

    “I AM SURE YOU ARE SURPRISED.” 

    6:17:34  a.m. –  The I-Man got a text from his friend, Bill White, and White’s husband, Brian, inviting the Boss to “Come down to Coachella”.   Yeah, that’s what you want.  To stand next to Grampa Funk during the Raekwon and Ghostface Killah set on the outdoor main stage.

    “YO YO YO…HOLD UP…HOLD UP…WHO’S THE OLD DUDE IN THE COWBOY HAT?”

    6:40:14 a.m. –  Joe Plumeri is on.   Who is Joe Plumeri?  Someone who, the aforementioned Bill White recommended the Boss have on to promote his new book, The Power of Being Yourself.   We were hoping that he would actually come in as somebody OTHER than himself, as among his 5 favorite songs were The Star Spangled Banner, Take Me Out to the Ball Game, Pennies from Heaven.  Turns out, the guy is an inspiration.  Cut from the same cloth as Jerry Weintraub, Mr. Plumeri is a man who ‘Gets Things Done’.   Without fear or hesitation…demonstrating that  all you really have to do…is ask.  He was able to convince those in charge of the Sears Tower to…change the name of the building.   The I-Man once had similar power.  He was able to get the MSNBC facility in Secaucus, New Jersey, renamed to ‘Fuzzy Peaches Plaza’.   In other words…named after Wolfman Jack. 

    “HI, I-MAN.  I’M JOE PLUMERI.  WILL YOU GIVE ME 250,000 DOLLARS?  NO?  OKAY.  COULDN’T HURT TO ASK”

    7:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man weighs in again with his disdain for  ‘Coachella’, stating that his friends Bill and Brian have about as much business being at ‘Coachella’ as…Warner does.   Not fair, I-Man.  You know Warner is a HUGE Bell & Sebastian Fan.

    ROCK OUT WITH YOUR @OCK OUT, WARNER!

    7:40:18 a.m. – HOLLYWOOD & VINE featuring Deirdre Imus, Michael Reidel and Dagen McDowell, but NO Imogen Lloyd Webber, sadly, because…she was doing…EVERYTHING else she could.  So, thankfully, for her, she missed the Fan Boy STAR WARS Paroxysms of Unrestrained Joy. over the new Trailer for the movie, which features…hang on to your Light Sabers, boys and girls… a cameo from HAN SOLO!   Played by, it appears, Harrison Ford’s Grandfather, while Chewbacca, by the way sported GREY HAIR on his muzzle.   Reidel IS a fan of Star Wars, or at least he WAS when he was a Little Reidel, and had all the Star Wars Action Figures.  But he’s sick of Sequels.  Dagen, however, reacted to the trailer unveiling as if she was a 38 year old guy living above his grandmother’s garage eating pudding and playing Dungeons and Dragons on his ‘Lap Top’…which isn’t exactly on his Lap, because…well, never mind. She says that she LOVED Star Wars when she was a kid, and, in fact, wanted to be Luke Skywalker.

    REIDEL ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PRINCESS LEIA

     REIDEL WITH ROBBA THE HUT

    DAGEN ALWAYS WANTED TO BE LUKE SKYWALKER

     ...AND NAT GREW UP TO BECOME CHEWBACCA

    “GLRLRLRLRLRRRRRRRRR, BRO!”

    7:42:09 a.m. -  Dagen praises Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram photo, showing her pale, bruised, cellulite and stretch marked legs…Teigen’s that is.  Not Dagen’s.  

    WHICH LEGS ARE TEIGIN’S AND WHICH ARE McDOWELL’S?   HERE’S A HINT:  DON’T LET THE SOUTHERN ICED TEA AND THE CUTE LITTLE DOG FOOL YOU

    7:44:16 a.m. - Deirdre reports that Sarah Silverman lied about an example of gender discriminate pay scales for male comedians versus female comedians…Sarah claims the male comic on the bill made 60 dollars, while she was only paid 10 dollars.  We know how this works.   It has nothing to do with gender discrimination.   Comics are paid based on how funny they are.  And women…are usually not all that funny.  If the booker had seen Sarah’s Act prior to her appearance at the club, she would’ve been paid…at LEAST 30 dollars! 

    IF SHE HADN’T LIED…SHE WOULD’VE MADE THAT 30 BUCKS…AND THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED…

    8:05:10 a.m. – Returning from the bathroom, the I-Man reports that there’s “Water all over the bathroom floor.”   Nat asks, “Was it there before…or after you went in?”   Fair question.  But we can attest that Imus would NEVER pee on the floor of a bathroom.  He’d just pee in a corner here in the studio.  No,that’s not true either…Imus always sits when he pees.

    NAT!   IT’S COLD IN HERE!

    8:09:18a.m. – The I-Man was, surprisingly, talking about Rodeo this morning, (We know, you’re just as shocked as we are)  and apparently, the PBR has been sold to William Morris and International Management Group for 100 Million dollars, which…is no bull.  (See what we did there?)  He says he doesn’t understand why rodeo isn’t more popular in this country, although admits that a lot has to do with those ‘PETA Pussies’ complaining about animal cruelty.  He used to tell the little Knotheads at the Ranch, who would ask if the roping hurt the calves, that “No, that doesn’t hurt them. What DOES hurt them?  When you stick them in pens so they can’t move their entire lives, and feed them plastic and then you kill them and eat them.  They’re just earning their keep.”  He continues: “ I tell them, (Imus apparently speaks fluent ‘COW’, as he believes he can talk to animals…which is a pretty rare talent, as the only other people who can do that are currently living in Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital.)   I tell them that here’s no free lunch so you have to do this every once in awhile and, in return, I’ll feed you and take care of you and give you shade to lie under.   Now, when you’re out of the chute, run like hell, and when you see the rope, try to duck.”   We assume he believes that there’s no free lunch for the cowboys either.     We weren’t really paying attention, because we thought he said “Peter Pussies”, which would be an entirely DIFFERENT story.

    ‘CRUELTY FREE’ BEEF FACTORIES BRING THE MEAT TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE IN A CHAUFFEUR DRIVEN BMW

    8:16:32 a.m. –  Warner reports that the Arizona Diamondbacks beat the San Francisco Giants 7-6.  Except he says ‘D-Backs’…but we hear ‘D-Bags’ (Maybe we need some ear monitors like the I-Man…) Then again, some Diamondbacks have been known to be Douchebags…like Randy Johnson for example.  In fact, known as ‘The Big Unit’ to fans, but in the Locker room, his teammates referred to him as ‘The Big Douche’.

     JOHNSON.  HE DIDN’T EVEN NEED THE MULLET OR THAT PORNSTAR MOUSTACHE WITH THE SOUL PATCH TO QUALIFY.  BUT IT DIDN’T HURT.

    8:40:00 a.m  –  I-Fave, Laura Ingraham is on, to discuss a wide range of subjects including ‘Gender Norming’, which sounds like when a sexually ambiguous person walks into ‘Cheers’ and they all shout  “NORM!”  But actually, means ‘The practice of judging female military applicants or recruits, or female employees or job applicants in the civilian workforce, by less stringent standards than their male counterparts.  Which would account for how Laura got HER job.  Just kidding.  She got HER job, because she knifed the guy who did her interview.  And then took HIS job. 

    “S’MATTER?  CAN TAKE A LITTLE STAB WOUND?  PUSSY.  YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS JOB!”

    9:12:12 a.m. – Connell reads a story about a cocaine bust that resulted in the seizure of FOURTEEN TONS OF COKE, with a street value of 424 million bucks!    (Wow!  The Price has gone up!  We remember when coke was only TWO million dollars a ton. )  Imus says that 30 years ago it would’ve been going to his penthouse at One Astor Place.

    IMUS’ WEEKEND SUPPLY LEAVING COLUMBIA FOR NYC (CIRCA 1979)

    9:15:30 a.m. – Imus ends the program as he began it this morning, with gratitude and appreciation for the fact that Lou is back in the radio studio.  He asks how long it’s been since he’s taken a sick day, and Lou replies “8 Years.”   Of course, The I-Man once went ELEVEN years and didn’t miss a day.  Sure.  You snort that much cocaine and you could stay up for 11 years too.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RGohIKxc9M

    MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU