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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

 


Are We There Yet? By Deirdre Imus - The saying goes that with little kids you take trips, not vacations. A vacation is relaxing; a getaway involving children is usually anything but. Taking a trip therefore requires acknowledging that it’s no longer about what the adults want to do (occupy a lounge chair on a beach for three days straight, stroll through a museum, window-shop in Paris), but must include activities geared toward youngsters.  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Ranch Tacos - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys -- I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients.  Seitan is sometimes called wheat meat because it’s made from gluten, which is the protein component of wheat with the starch removed.  There are recipes for making it from scratch, which is pretty labor-intensive, but luckily you can also buy it ready-made at most health food stores.  We love these meaty and cheesy tacos.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: DImusCenter@HackensackUMC.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Ibaka Shipped to Magic; Oladipo, 2 Others to OKC - The Orlando Magic acquired forward Serge Ibaka in a multiplayer trade Thursday night with the Oklahoma City Thunder.  The Thunder received guard Victor Oladipo, forward Ersan Ilyasova and the rights to power forward Domantas Sabonis, who was taken with the 11th pick in the NBA draft on Thursday night.
 
Novak Djokovic Could Face Roger Federer in Wimbledon Semifinals - Djokovic could face Federer in the semifinals as he bids for a fifth consecutive major title and the third leg of a calendar year Grand Slam.
 
Draft shocker: Bucks Pick Thon Maker at No. 10 - Once the most intriguing prospect in the high school Class of 2016, Thon Maker wasn't even considered a first-round pick in the latest round of mock drafts, so his selection at No. 10 overall came as shock to some.
Lincecum Struggles in Second Start for Angels - Lincecum lasted just three innings against the Oakland Athletics on Thursday. The 32-year-old surrendered four runs on seven hits during the 5-4 loss. He walked two and struck out two in the outing.


Recent Guests:
    Wednesday
    Jul012015

    Blonde on Red

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We learn that today, Lis Wiehl will not be in for our favorite segment of the week, Blonde on Blonde, or, as we like call it, “Where the White Women at?”   Lis, apparently, fell, and broke her hip, as ‘Women of A Certain Age’ are wont to do.  We wish her all the best for a speedy recovery, and hope that she’s back among the fold before too long.  

    LIS WIEHL: SPOKESWOMAN FOR THE ‘LIFE ALERT’ SYSTEM

    6:04:08 A.M. –  We are actually worried about Deirdre.  Without Lis as the Crash Test Dummy, she will have to rant without a target…wait a minute.  She’s not alone in the studio out there in Texas.  We are now worried for the I-Man.

    DEIRDRE GETTING HER POINT ACROSS

    6:08:56 A.M. – The I-Man gives us an update on Lucinda, Wyatt’s beloved Red Heeler, who cheated death, thanks to the Wy-Man and Deirdre.  We are happy to report that the girl’s going to be fine…although, Lucinda, in her agony and distress, involuntarily bit one of the Vet Techs, which led to the State of Texas to Quarantine her for 10 days.  The Boss, with advice from Neighbor/Attorney John Beckworth, Associate Dean of the Law School at the University of Texas, has decided to Quarantine Lucinda at home, refusing to bring her back to the Vets, as, like many dogs, she is a ‘Veterinarian-A-Phobe’.  He invited the doctors to visit the Ranch to check on the dog, but if they think they’re going to take her back to quarantine her at their facility, they’re going to have a Branch Davidian situation on their hands.  The I-Man is filling up the sand bags and building a moat around the ranch as we speak.   Even Lucinda, herself, is preparing for a siege:

    “YOU WANT MY GUN?  YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD PAWS” 

    6:40:27 A.M. K.T. McFarland is the guest, former National Security Adviser, and a woman for whom the I-Man always stands whenever she enters a room.  And not, as is tradition, to run away.  She says she misses the I-Man as he is one of the only ‘True Gentlemen’ she knows.  Obviously, she needs to get out more.

    “GENTLEMAN” JOHN DONALD IMUS

    7:05:37 A.M.  Despite the absence of the Wiehl, Lis, that is, Blonde on Blonde will go on as normal, however, Deirdre will be ‘Laying the Smackdown’ on the fruit of her loins, Wyatt Imus, so it will technically be ‘Blonde on Red’.  Or, as we are calling it, ‘The Texas Cage Match’. 

    DON’T LET THE NECK BRACE FOOL YOU.  ANDY KAUFMAN TRIED TO GET AWAY WITH THAT SH*T TOO

    7:15:34 A.M. –  The I-Man makes the observation that, the two people he’s related to, and currently living with…are insane.  Oh.  Yeah.  Right.  THEY’RE the ones who are insane.  We think mental health is in the eye of the beholder. And majority rules. It’s two against one.  Both Deirdre and the Wy-Man know the dilly.  It’s the old cowboy who’s batsh*t crazy. 

    IRONICALLY, HE HAS 20 OF THESE JACKETS, ALL THE SAME, CUSTOM MADE BY LOUIS RICART

    7:30:06 A.M. BLONDE ON RED covers a plethora of topics, among which, who should be on the 10 Dollar Bill. Deirdre is advocating for Michelle Obama; Wyatt, on the other hand, favors Eleanor Roosevelt. Of course, as you would imagine, bringing up Eleanor leads naturally to Kim Kardashian, and if she deserved the ‘Slut Shaming’ she received at the Glastonbury Festival, where, during her husband Kanye’s set, an enormous flag with a still from her sex tape was waved.  Young Wyatt believes that Kim should be prepared for these eventualities, as this video is out there, and has been for years, and won’t be going away.  Although he maintains that he hasn’t seen it.  Which would make him the ONE person in the ‘Under 85’ category who hasn’t.  

    “YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT VIDEO?”

    “UM.NOPE.”

    7:45:16 A.M. – In order to protest what they view as sexist views as to what defines femininity, some women have opted not to shave their armpits.  I-Man asks both panelists what their views are and they both agree that Personal Landscaping is a must, and that it is akin to brushing your teeth, and that venturing out in public with a French Braid under each arm is…well, disgusting.

    THE MOVEMENT, SPEARHEADED BY MILEY CYRUS, IS ALSO IN FAVOR OF NOT WAXING FACIAL HAIR

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man comes back with some critiques for his son, who, we thought, did a fine job, but then again, if we knew what we were talking about, we’d…not be…as stupid as we are.   Um…yes.  The Boss thought Wyatt wasn’t projecting into the microphone enough.  We heard him perfectly clear.  Especially when he said, “I don’t have to listen to you…you’re not my real Dad.”

    ANOTHER SON DEALING WITH SOME PATERNAL ISSUES

    8:15:11 A.M. – Bernie reports that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are calling it quits.  What appeared to be the ‘Storybook Marriage’ of the past 10 years was actually rife with tension and resentment.  Apparently, Ben is a bit of a gambler, and a rogue, as its rumored he’s had dalliances with other women.  We don’t blame Jennifer for wanting to split from this loser.  In fact, we thought she should’ve done it years ago…like after he made ‘Gigli’.

    ONE OF THE OPTIONS ON THE ‘GIGLI’ DVD ALLOWS YOU TO PUT YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR MISERY BEFORE YOU EVEN START THE MOVIE

    8:39:43 A.M. – Ashley Webster is calling us, live, from Greece.  Although it would be difficult for him to call in ‘Dead’, but we digress.  Ashley is there to discuss the Greek Financial Crisis…which, according to his expert opinion, is what they refer to in the Economic World as…bad.  Apparently, Greece will be going back to the ‘Drachma’, the original currency, and eschewing the Euro…Ashley has gotten into the spirit of the Ancient City of Athens, and is eschewing pants…in favor of a toga.

    IN A REAL DEMOCRACY, WE COULD VOTE AGAINST THIS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IT’S ONLY FUNNY UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU

    BUT IF IT DOESN’T…IT’S HYSTERICAL

     

    Paris Hilton is the victim of an Egyptian Prank Show

    (Oh, those wacky Arabs!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePaBi0egvM0

    It’s almost as funny as her sex tape.

    Tuesday
    Jun302015

    That Fat, Ungrateful, Phony Moose!

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We begin with a moment of reflection on the firing of two of our favorite people, Donald Trump and Bob Beckel. Trump, by NBC for his disparaging remarks about Mexicans.  Beckel for, we assume, eating Mexicans.

    BECKEL ENJOYING SOME AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD

    6:08:56 A.M. – Warner reports on Pro Golfer Phil Mickelson’s reputation as a degenerate gambler.  The I-Man can’t imagine that Mrs. Mickelson is all that happy knowing that her unlucky hubby had to pay 3 Million dollars to a bookie…not to mention the fact that “He’s fat and he got those big ol’ Titties on him.”  

    MUST BE CHILLY OUT THERE ON THE COURSE

    6:35:44 A.M. –  Former head of the Sex Crimes Unit in the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, is on to promote her new book, Devil’s Bridge, as well as comment on the escaped prisoners.  She maintains that she was glad that these two psychopaths didn’t kill anybody, and that they weren’t able to get to Mexico.  Which would give the Mexican Donald Trump something to say in response.

    “THE AMERICANS ARE A BUNCH OF CONVICTS AND MURDERERS.”

    6:40:27 A.M. It’s fitting that a Sex Crimes Prosecutor is on to discuss these convicts who, both of whom knocked boots with Joyce Mitchell…an act which many would consider ‘criminal’ in, and of, itself.

    SOME THINGS SHOULD BE KEPT BEHIND BARS

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man gives his ‘endorsement’ of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s entering the Presidential Race.  “Fat, ungrateful, phony moose…F#@& ‘em!”    Where else will you get that insightful political analysis?

    “SO…DOES THAT MEAN, I CAN’T BE ON THE SHOW AGAIN?”

    7:22:44 A.M. – Time to ring the ‘Irony Bell’.  The Boss chastises Deirdre for coughing.  You can hear the ‘Side Eye’…as well as the cyanide going into his coffee, from here. 

    AT LEAST IT SAYS IT RIGHT ON THE MUG

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS, starring Deirdre Imus, Gunz Gunzelman, Bernard McGuirk and…wait, where’s Bo?   Bo Dietl, Bo Dietl, where you be?  Gunz is upset with a plan to double the number of ‘Citibikes’ the rental bicycles sponsored by Citibank, that have been the bane of city drivers since their institution.   He says there’s nothing worse than Fat Tourists sitting on a bike.  Yes there is, Gunz.  How about a skinny jeans wearing dweeb using his curling iron in the studio?  Who is only upset with Citibikes because they don’t have training wheels.

    GUNZ ON HIS ‘GIRL’S BIKE’ WITH E.T. ‘THE EXTRA TESTICLE’

    7:38:55 A.M. – Bo comes rushing in, out of breath, having run through the 17th floor to get to the studio.  Bo doesn’t apologize for his ‘Tardiness-itation’, which results in some understandable ugliness…and ultimately leads to his exiting the studio.  This prompts Deirdre to change her ‘Psychos’ topic to “People who go on someone’s show, arrive late, cop an attitude…then drop the mike…and leave.”   She is EXORCISED.   And not the way the I-Man tried to get Father Jonathan to do.  She’s apoplectic with anger, which makes us actually worried for the I-Man.  However, he doesn’t seem to be all that affected by her rant…as, for a change, it’s not about him.

    DID THAT HEAD JUST SPIN AROUND?  WE JUST HOPE SHE DOESN’T THROW UP ORGANIC PEA SOUP

    7:43:16 A.M. – Bernard is upset with the backlash at the clergy in the wake of the Supreme Court decision about Same Sex Marriage.  He relates that our own Father Jonathan, the spiritual adviser to the Imus in the Morning Program, and who was not in favor of gay marriage for religious reasons was actually been spit on by two protestors at the Pride Parade.  Why father Jonathan was AT the Pride Parade, we’re not sure.  We think, perhaps to hear some confessions?  

    IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY, HAD HE BEEN UP ON ONE OF THE FLOATS…

    8:12:34 A.M. –  Bernie reports that Geraldo Rivera is disappointed in his ‘friend’, Donald Trump’s insensitive comments about Mexicans.  That’s the second time Hispanics have been disrespected by Trump.  The first time was when Trump hired Leeza Gibbons instead of Geraldo on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’. 

    RUMBLE TONIGHT!  TRUMP V. GERALDO

    (IT’S A JETS AND SHARKS THING)

    8:40:43 A.M. –  Author Samantha Bruce-Benjamin is on to promote her novel ‘The Westhampton Leisure Hour and Supper Club’.   We all wonder how she was able to wrangle an appearance on the program, as the I-Man rarely reads fiction.  Besides, just the title would be enough for him to be disdainful of both the book, AND the author. Then, we learn that Ms. Benjamin is the wife of the Imus Dentist…Dr. Arthur Benjamin.  And we assume that a deal was struck.  The lovely Samantha got an appearance on the program, in exchange for the I-Man never having to worry about not getting Novocain next time he gets some dental work done. 

    “UM…I-MAN…YOU’VE GOT MY SCROTUM IN YOUR HAND.”

    “THAT’S RIGHT.  AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO HURT EACH OTHER, ARE WE?”

    8:54:09 A.M. – The Boss talks about the Ranch Hand that he fired…well, actually, allowed to resign, and reveals that nobody liked him, nor had he ever worked with someone so ‘Fundamentally Dishonest.’  Well…how about that ‘Doctor’ in the hotel room who required the cash payment up front, and whose credentials were…there was a stethoscope on the bed…?

    WHICH DOCTOR?  WITCH DOCTOR

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Late, Great, Leslie Nielsen, as the Little Exorcist That Could:

    “Repossessed”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbpmRl018RY

     

    Monday
    Jun292015

    Hiding in Constable

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Connell is still not here, he is in Canada for the Women’s World Cup Finals…neither is David Sweat, the ‘Other Escaped Convict’.  Who was on his way to Canada, but didn’t quite make it. 

    “NO, I SWEAR, I WAS JUST TAKING MY DAUGHTERS TO THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP!”

    6:08:56 A.M. –  We are off this Friday, for the National Independence Day Holiday.  As July 4th is on a Saturday, the I-Man is disappointed in the ‘Work Ethic’ of the American People.  We suppose that looking like one of the founding fathers has given him delusions of grandeur 

    ADAMS, FRANKLIN, AND IMUS

    6:10:20 A.M. –  The Boss brings up the topic of his ‘Slacker’ Employee, who was ‘Released from Employment’ last week…but the I-Man isn’t quite done with him just yet,  as he has only entered Phase II of ‘I-Revenge’.  There are hot branding iron treatments that have not been imposed, and toenails still yet to be yanked.

    “SO…6:59 REALLY ISN’T  TECHNICALLY ‘BEFORE 7:00, IS IT?”

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo Dietl is here for his weekly visit, well… he’s not exactly HERE in person, he’s phoned in, because...there are no camera for him to play to.  He is not impressed by the State Trooper who shot the fugitive David Sweat, saying that anybody could have shot that guy in the back.  Bo maintains that even the I-Man  could’ve made that shot…and he’s probably right, but only because if he missed, he wouldn’t be able to chase after him.

    “DAMMIT!  SLOW DOWN!  I CAN’T RUN THAT FAST!”

    7:05:37 A.M.  Rob, Fat Bastard that he is, did not send in his Vinnie From Queens topics for today’s segment. He says he ‘Forgot’.  Hey, Jumbo.  If you’re going to forget something…how about you forget…LUNCH.

    HOW ABOUT A SALAD, LIL’ FELLA?

    7:22:44 A.M. –  Apparently, David Sweat was apprehended in the New York Town of ‘Constable’.   He should’ve known that wasn’t the best place to hide.  He might as well have been found in ‘Copper Canyon’, Texas.

    THE ‘COPPERS’ GET A GLIMPSE AT THE FUGITIVE

    7:38:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  Nat Candido, Lou Rufino, Warner Wolf, Tony Powell and…Gunz.  It begins with a discussion about Pete Rose and whether or  not he bet on Reds games while he was a playing in them.  Our position is, even though he won’t be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, he’s a shoe in for the next ‘Dumb & Dumber movie.

    RATED ‘WTF’

    7:40:08 A.M. – The conversation continues including the Knicks Draft Picks and Carmelo Anthony, with whom Lou is having some serious issues, screaming at him to “Shut Up” about 50 Times.  Until the I-Man has to tell HIM to shut up.

    CARMELO WANTS LOU TO KNOW THAT HE’S NOT HEARING A WORD HE’S SAYING

    7:43:16 A.M. – Who’s the Bigger Douche Sal Alosi, the strength and conditioning coach for UCLA who ‘Got into it’ with P Diddy was taking issue at how Alosi was verbally abusing his son, Justin Diddy.  Or, Josh Robinson, Minnesota Vikings Cornerback, who compares gay marriage to pedophilia….and the consensus is…Sal Alosi.  Either he really is a bigger douche, or the panel is just giving Robinson the benefit of the doubt, as, a Football Player, he’s been hit in the head a number of times.

    7:45:16 A.M. – The I-Man wants to know when we will hear the fate of Tom Brady, in light of his meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell last week…the panel members yield the floor to Gunz, as he’s the expert…at least Stuart Varney.  Sorry about that Gunz, we weren’t supposed to remind the I-Man about your disloyalty last week.

    TWO BFF’S CELEBRATING THE SUPREME COURT DECISION OF LAST WEEK

    8:05:34 A.M. –  The I-Man and Warner engage in an event by event breakdown of the U.S. Track & Field Championships.  As you may know, the I-Man used to be a Track Star in High School…and is an avid runner…while Deirdre, The I-Woman, received a track scholarship to Villanova.  Warner, on the other hand, is merely a fan of the ‘Less Celebrated’ sporting events.  This Discussion was recorded and saved by the CIA for use in future Terrorist Interrogations.  Just the comparison of the times for the 200 Meter Sprint would make anybody sign a confession.

    “I BEG OF YOU, BEFORE THEY GET THE RESULTS OF THE 440 HURDLES…KILL ME!”

    8:18:36 A.M. –  The I-Man asks Bernie, (who, as we mentioned earlier, is filling in for Connell) what “The Futures are doing.”  Bernard responds “They’re hangin’ Chilly.”   We don’t want to get too far in the weeds with this technical financial jargon…but we’re also not sure he got that term out of the Wall Street Journal.

    BERNIE MAY ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING THERE…

    8:39:43 A.M. – I-Fave Bernie Goldberg is on, and he and the I-Man discuss Brian Williams and his new gig over at MSNBC.  Bernie speculates that if Brian, upon his return, had sincerely apologized and shown contrition, and admitted that he blurred the line, thinking that he was really an entertainer, he might have gotten better ratings than he had enjoyed prior to being removed from the Anchor Chair.   You can’t be a journalist AND a stand up comedian.  Unless, of course, you’re Jon Stewart.

     “TIP YOUR WAITRESSES…I’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK.”

    8:45:09 A.M. – The recent Supreme Court Decision and the Media’s reaction to it is tossed back and forth…Bernie says the coverage went too far.  They didn’t just cover it, they CELEBRATED the story.  Considering the subject matter, we feel that the flamboyance used to report it was perfectly appropriate.

    HE WASN’T JUST GAY…HE WAS THRILLED

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Track and Field Bloopers

    They’re Only Funny

     Until They Happen To You

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDicTJwqhl4

    Friday
    Jun262015

    Imus Free Friday

    6:03:12 A.M. –  It’s yet another ‘Imus Free Friday’.  To add to the misery, Connell is not here this morning either.  This is more than just leaving the keys to the asylum to the inmates.  This is sending a Cub Scout Troop over to Iraq to take out ISIS.

    ‘TOMMY’ IS WORKING ON HIS ‘ANTI-TERRORISM’ MERIT BADGE

    6:08:56 A.M. – Well, Bernie must be doing a good job, because the show is almost 10 minutes old, and there are no News Trucks outside, and we haven’t been escorted from the building by security.

    “SHUT ‘EM DOWN, GUYS…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN THIS MORNING’.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Tony and Warner discuss last night’s NBA Draft, and the Knicks procuring Kristaps Porzingis, which, as you might expect, Warner pronounces about as well as Dr. Bill does ‘Meteorologist’.   Those attending the Draft at the Barclay Center roundly booed the pick…but only because as much as they sucked last season, any time the word ‘Knicks’ is uttered, the crowd immediately erupts in Boos.

    “YO, KRISTAP, I KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE THESE IN LATVIA, BUT THE TOILETS ARE DOWN THIS WAY…MAKE A LEFT WHEN YOU GET TO THE LOCKER ROOM”

    6:40:27 A.M. Alan Colmes is the guest, and, you would think, One on One, it would be a bloodbath between Bernie…and the ‘Anti-Bernie’, Colmes.  They discuss the Supreme Court Decision to keep Obamacare.  Alan applauds the decision, of course, because he’s half a Commie and an Obama Buttboy.  Bernard, on the other hand…wants Medicine to return to its Golden Age.  When Doctors used leeches and Barbers were Dentists.

    “HEY!  I JUST CAME IN FOR A TRIM!”

    7:05:37 A.M.  More on the Escapees, as Noam Laden, filling in for Connell on News Duty, reports that, as we enter day 20 of the story, authorities STILL have no idea where they are.  Bernie suggests they call in the Navy Seals, although we think the NY State Police would be embarrassed to admit they need help finding two broke guys in the woods.

    “NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAH, YOU CAN’T FIND US!”

    7:39:06 A.M. – Author James Bradley has phoned in to promote his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE.   In talking about China with Mr. Bradley, Bernard keeps referring to ‘Mousey Dung’.   Turns out he means the Communist Dictator, and not Rodent Excrement.  Although you could, very well, make a case that Mao Tse Tung was ‘Mickey Mouse Sh#t’

    MICKEY GETS ‘GOOFY’ IN THE MEN’S ROOM AT DISNEYWORLD…AND ‘DROPS THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL’

    8:05:34 A.M. –  Noam Laden is…well, not Connell.  Noam is also not…let’s just say…the most CHARISMATIC person you’ve ever met.  He’s a sweetheart of a man, and does a good job but… We think his being so ‘mellow’, as well as his bloodshot eyes, indicate that he may be spending way too much time with Geraldo.

    “WHERE’S DAVE?”  “UM…DAVE’S NOT HERE, MAN…”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Our 8:30 Guest, Monica Crowley, is a No-Show.  Which means one of two things:  She went to the studios at Fox looking for us, or her Brother-In-Law, Alan Colmes, has her locked in a closet so she can’t refute anything he said in his interview earlier.  Or maybe, that mysterious ‘Fiancée’  of hers, finally swept her off her feet and took her to Paris to elope….nah…she’s locked in Alan’s closet.

    MONICA AND BERNARD THE LAST TIME HE INTERVIEWED HER

    9:11:44 A.M. –  The I-Man phones in to commend Bernie and Tony’s debate over Nuking ISIS.  He then says that the Ranch Hand who didn’t show up to work and texted him at 7:03, (even though he was supposed to be there at 7:00), and then says he emailed the Boss to tell him he wouldn’t be in “Before 7 A.M.” (which, was true, it was 6:59 when he sent it) will be sleeping in again this morning.  “You know what he’s doing today?”  asks Imus.  “Looking for a job.”   We can only hope that Imus sent the dude his pink slip at 7:05…after he got up early to make the trip over to Brenham.  “Good morning, sir.”  “Don’t ‘Good Morning’ me, Mother F#@$er.”

    OOPS!  SORRY, COWBOY, GUESS YOU DIDN’T GET SUCH A GOOD REFERENCE FROM THE I-MAN

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE KNOW WHY THE I-MAN WASN’T HERE TODAY.

    HE AND WYATT WERE GOING TO THE FIRST SHOWING OF

    ‘TED 2’

    AT THE BRENHAM MULTIPLEX

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eHufVyP2gE

    Thursday
    Jun252015

    Jesus Forgives Gunz, But Deirdre Won't

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Carly Simon is 70 today!  SEVENTY!  Happy Birthday, Grandma!  (She’s so vain she prob’ly thinks this post is about her…well…actually, it is.)

    CARLY DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR THE PAIN

    6:08:56 A.M. – Imus had a little bit of trouble with one of his Ranch hands yesterday morning.  The gentleman is supposed to open the gate at 7:00 A.M., but texted the Boss at 7:03 A.M. to tell him he wouldn’t be coming in to work.  When asked why he waited until that moment to inform the Boss about the absence, he informed Imus that “I emailed you before 7:00!”  A quick time stamp check reveals that the email was sent at 6:59 A.M.  Which, technically IS before 7:00.  The I-Man wonders “What kind of a day do you think he’s going to have today?”   Ohhhhhh…about as good as Gunz’s yesterday.

    “SORRY I WASN’T AT WORK YESTERDAY, MR. IMUS.  I WAS HELPING OUT

    OVER AT STUART VARNEY’S RANCH.”

    6:40:27 A.M. One of our favorite Defense Attorney’s Arthur Aidala is…engaged!  We will have to break the news gently to Carley Shimkus.  Just so she can rescind the Restraining Order.

    ARTHUR BACK ON THE DAY WHEN WE LEFT FOX

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man asks the Great Philosophical Question:   Why would anyone mess with him, knowing that he has a radio program, upon which he can ruin their lives and get some payback?  It’s a rhetorical question.  And a great mystery, akin to that of The Sphinx, Stonehenge, and why anybody thinks Conan O’Brien is funny.

    “YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THAT CLEOPATRA WAS A REAL PAIN IN THE ASP…”

    7:12:44 A.M. –  Connell reports that another prison employee has been arrested in connection with the Clinton Correctional Facility escape.  Apparently, the Guard, Gene Palmer, is accused of aiding and abetting the prisoners, by not checking the ground beef delivery coming into the prison.  He blames ‘Tilly the Tailor’, for putting the tools IN the meat.  This leads the I-Man to observe, that “Tilly was getting’ the meat…and GIVIN’ the meat.”   Incisive remark, Boss.  The best we could come up with about the Tools being smuggled in the meat, is that most men would consider their Meat IS the Tool.

    JON HAMM HAS QUITE A ‘HOG’  YOU CAN’T BEAT THAT MEAT

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  begins with…a vote.  The I-Man charges the panel with the responsibility of deciding Gunz’s fate:  Whether he should be suspended from the segment, or allowed to participate.  Bo votes ‘Yes’, as does Alan Colmes, Bernard and…of course…Gunz. The I-Man considers putting Gunzelman on probation.   But then, the opinion that REALLY matters weighs in.  “He needs to be punished.”  Deirdre is a fan of swift, cruel, justice.  She wants to put Gunz into a wooden stockade made of sustainable lumber, and no chemical treatment. 

    WHAT’S WORSE IS…HE’S NOT WEARING PANTS

    7:38:34 A.M. – Deirdre is happy that Ohio has instituted a ban on abortions after 20 weeks.  It’s a start towards the end of killing babies.  She has long been an avid, passionate and very vocal ‘Right To Life’ Advocate…wanting to make Abortion illegal in America once again.  Except in Gunz’s case, in which, she’s in favor of some procedures being retroactive.

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    7:40:26 A.M. – Alan Colmes is upset that the Republicans ‘Can’t admit that the murders in Charleston were about Race, and not Anti-Christian persecution.’  Which is curious, as being Jewish, he is what you could technically call an ‘Anti-Christian’. One of the old Popes exonerated the Jews from blame for the Crucifixion of Jesus, in an effort to put an end to Anti-Semitism.  We don’t think the Jews were responsible for the death of Jesus.  We do think, however, that they sold the Romans the lumber.  And we’re sure it was from a sustainable source as it was pretty early on in Sawmill History.

    YOU WON’T FIND ANY AT LUMBER LIQUIDATORS

    7:41:18 A.M. – Bo is particularly fired up.  Even by the usual ‘Crazy Bo’ standards…he’s beyond the ‘Flabbergast-atated’, ‘Apoplectic-ization’ and ‘Enrage-a-ized’ levels.  He wants to know why the President was playing golf instead of rushing to Charleston immediately following the tragedy.   Nobody wants to tell Bo that the President will be giving the Eulogy at the funeral of the pastor who was killed, except, of course, for Alan.  Who, not only will NEVER eat a Rao’s, he might never even eat solid food again, if Bo has his way.  For Alan’s defense of Obama, Bo labels him a ‘Liberal Penis Licker’.  Which, we’re not sure refers to his political leanings, or how thoroughly he performs the favor.

    ALAN COLMES ‘LIBERALLY’ ENJOYING LICKING ON A SUCKER

    7:43:48 A.M. – Bernard is tired of Democrats blaming Republicans for the Confederate Flag controversy, as he notes, it was Southern Dems who brought the Stars n’ Bars back into prominence in the first place.  He notes that Hillary, back when she her husband was Governor of Arkansas, refused to denounce the Confederate Flag flying over the State House.  We tend to cut her some slack, as we believe she could have been oblivious to the fact that the Confederacy was being honored on State Property, as she was pretty oblivious to the fact that her husband was getting his Flagpole honored with a vigorous polishing by a certain White House intern.

    PRIVATE CLETUS MCGUIRK, 77TH REGIMENT CONFEDERATE ARMY 

    ONE OF BERNIE’S ANCESTORS WHO WOULD DISAGREE WITH HIS POSITION ON THE FLYING OF THE FLAG

    7:45:08 A.M. – There’s almost no time for Gunz to weigh in on what’s on his mind today…but he manages to get out the statement that he can’t get the image of Alan Colmes, Liberally Licking on a Penis, out of his head. That, we believe, should be his punishment.

    GUNZ ENVISIONS ALAN LICKING UP ON HIM

    8:03:04 A.M. –  Dr. Bill Evans reveals his height and weight as 5’10” 168 pounds, and is proud of his physical fitness, as he’s run the New York Marathon several times.  Imus asks him what his best time was, and Dr. Bill reports that…well, let’s just say it was over four hours.  Deirdre is horrified, and asks him if he was walking his dog while he ran the course.  Apparently, she ran the New York Marathon twice, both times a little over three hours.  She was, after all a Villanova Track Star.  Not some out of shape, mouth breathing dweeb who, despite the fact that he IS a meteorologist, cannot pronounce the word.

    DR. BILL AND HIS TRUSTY POOCH

    THE 2008 NEW YORK CITY MARATHON, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2ND

    THEY CROSSED THE FINISH LINE SOMETIME IN EARLY JANUARY 2009

    8:10:20 A.M. – The I-Man is overcome with mercy and magnanimously decides to forgive Gunz for his disloyal transgression.  Deirdre, however…not so much.  She says  ‘God may forgive you but I don’t, Jesus may love you but I won’t.’  Which then, prompts the I-Man to correct her for getting the lyrics wrong.   What was he thinking?  He has to be with her for the rest of the day…which will only add to Jesus’ already overbooked forgiveness schedule.

    JESUS FORGIVES GUNZ…BUT DEIRDRE WON’T

    8:35:09 A.M. –  The next President of the United States, Donald Trump is the guest, calling in from his incredible office, located in one of his most amazing buildings, on the best phone in the world.  He says he has already built a structure on Connecticut Avenue, mere blocks from the White House, and it is the Greatest Building in all D.C. shaming even the Presidential Residence.  It was constructed using the finest tools and materials, by the most brilliant, gifted artisans in the world.   We think they may even be Mexicans.  But if they are, they are the very best that country has to offer.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Birthday Girl, Carly Simon

      

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13oJajXx0M

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