6:05:00 a.m. - Imus is going to San Angelo, Texas this morning, and we wonder if his choice of wardrobe today is somehow connected to the trip. He is resplendent in a crisply pressed, pristine white shirt. We surmise that in addition to the Rodeos Wyatt will compete in this weekend, the I-Man will be baptized in the Concho River.
“DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS? GOOD. BECAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO SEE HIM.”
6:15:12 a.m. – The I-Man hips us to Jimmy Reed’s recording sessions. “Did you know that on a lot of Jimmy Reed records, his sister beat on a box?” We are hoping that it was to provide percussion in lieu of a drumset. We’d hate to think she was that lonely.
“GIRL? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN’?”
6:40:28 a.m. – Stuart Varney is on to talk about Obamacare…and it’s clear he’s an opponent of Socialized Medicine. Which is ironic, given his British Citizenship. The difference over there is…they obviously don’t have a dental plan.
A YOUNG STUART VARNEY IN PICCADILLY CIRCUS. YEAH, BABY!
7:05:57 a.m. – Imus relates that every time he hears somebody calls their radio show… ‘Whoever…In The Morning’, he gets irritated. He says he realizes that, he’s a legend and a genius and should be above that type of thinking, but yet, he’s still annoyed by the biting of his style. When we point out that ‘Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery’, he says “Well then, Wolfman Jack must be VERY flattered.”
ROBERT WESTON SMITH. IF HE’S LYIN’ HE’S DYIN’. HE MUST’VE LIED.
BUT HIS ACT IS ALIVE AND WELL ON WABC RADIO AND FOX BUSINESS TV
7:15:11 a.m. – Dagen’s Business Report is about the actor who was just hired to replace ‘Sons of Anarchy’ star Charlie Hunnam. In her and Carley’s estimations, Jamie Dornan is not as ‘hot’ as Charlie Hunnam. Carley goes so far to suggest that Hunnam is ‘Out of this world hot.’ Dagen advises Carley to “Keep that image in the back of your head in case you ever need it.” Imus now feels dirty. So do we. And we LOVE it.
HOTNESS FACTOR ACCORDING TO THE ‘MCDOWELL, SHIMKUS SCALE’
2% ‘UNDECIDED’ (LESBIANS)
7:40:19 a.m. – Mensa Meeting. The new Quintuplet Incarnation, including Lis Wiehl, so it’s Blonde and Blonde Mensa Meeting. It’s ‘Blensa on Blensa’ Gunz sits smack dab in the middle of Deirdre and the aforementioned Lis. We hope when he gets up from the panel, he does so off camera…as he will DEFINITELY be sporting ‘BOB Wood.’
GUNZ HAS CHANGED QUITE A BIT SINCE HE STARTED APPEARING ON THE ‘MENSA MEETING’
8:05:33 a.m. – Back in Palmdale, when he first got his start in radio, and was doing L.S.D. every day and paranoid about EVERYTHING, the I-man didn’t want to use his real name, and so he called himself ‘Captain Don’.
CAPTAIN BEEFHEART…THE INSPIRATION FOR ‘CAPTAIN DON’. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE…IT COULD’VE BEEN ‘COLONEL SANDERS’
8:15:12 a.m. – Connell reports on Joe Biden talking about the mental illness component of Obama Care. “Great Spokesperson for mental illness” the I-Man observes.
“THEY WANT ME TO GO…WHERE? THEY WANT ME TO DO…WHAT? CALL THE GUY WITH THE KEY! I’M READY!!!”
8:25:35 a.m. – The Boss reads a spot for ‘E-Creamery’, a sponsor that offers a ‘Make Your Own Flavor’ of Ice Cream online. I-Man notes that ‘E – Creamery’ ‘Sounds like a Porn Site.’ Fat Elvis is of the mind that anyplace where you can make Ice Cream Online IS a Porn Site.
ONE THING’S FOR SURE…YOU JUST KNOW THIS FLAVOR HAS BACON, PEANUT BUTTER, BANANAS AND MARSHMALLOW FLUFF
8:41:56 a.m. – The GREAT Dick Cavett, who is officially, one of the most charming and interesting people on the planet, is here. He tells half the famous Marlon Brando story. The other half involves a woman fan, who offered her ‘services’ free of charge, to both Mr. Cavett and ‘Marlon’ (As Sir Richard calls him) to which, Dick said… “Thanks…but I’d like to finish my soup.”
F#$% THAT DOS EQUIS DRINKING MORON. DICK CAVETT IS THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD
9:05:37 a.m. – Kevin Magee from ‘Downtown’. He sends Imus an email, of which, the subject line is “Wardrobe”. “You have your shirt open so far that 1- You must be playing the lounge at the Bellagio, 2- You want to make it easier for Connell to apply the paddles. Colonel Sanders hasn’t seen that much Chicken Flesh.” That’s hurtful, Kevin. But REALLLLLY funny!
CLOSEUP OF THE I-MAN’S EXPOSED CHEST (ARTIST’S RENDERING)
VIDEO OF THE DAY
THE GREAT DICK CAVETT, INTERVIEWING MARLON BRANDO
(ALL SIX CLIPS WILL PLAY AUTOMATICALLY IN SUCCESSION SO YOU CAN WATCH THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW. TRUST US, IT’S WORTH THE 60 MINUTE INVESTMENT)