Member Nav

 

Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

Take a Vacation From Stress - By Deirdre Imus-July 2016 - Summer evokes a sense of nostalgia in most of us: carefree days and nights spent on the beach, chasing lightning bugs in the yard, licking melted ice cream off sticky fingers. The weather was warm, time was irrelevant, and homework non-existent. It was all so exciting, and full of possibility.  Read more... 

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Steamed Broccoli with Lemon and Parmesan - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients. In addition to being deliciously simple to prepare, broccoli is also one of the best nutrition choices around. Loaded with fiber, 1 cup of broccoli also provides about 10 percent of the daily value for calcium. And in this particular broccoli recipe, the garlic and lemon flavor combination ensures a terrific low-fat side dish that goes well with almost any main course.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance - In this instant New York Times bestseller, pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls “grit.”


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

Follow Us On

 

  
Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Amar'e Stoudemire retires after 14 seasons; does so as a Knick - Amar'e Stoudemire signed a contract with the New York Knicks and subsequently announced that he'll retire from the NBA, the club said in a statement Tuesday.

USA beats China 107-57 - Kevin Durant made his Oracle Arena debut as a member of the Golden State Warriors and the home team was not disappointed in any way.
 
Bartolo Colon Helps Mets Beat Cardinals - The 43-year-old veteran bailed out his team again Tuesday night with a strong performance in a 3-1 victory over St. Louis that negated the Cardinals’ 3-2 win over Noah Snydergaard in the opening game of the doubleheader at Citi Field.

Gregory Facing An Even Longer Suspension - Dallas Cowboys' suspended DE Randy Gregory checks into treatment facility

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Jul212015

    Happy Birthday Zach!

    6:12:10 A.M. – Connell reports that Ohio Governor John Kasich has thrown his hat in the ring for the 2016 Presidential Race.  The I-Man dismisses this idiotic, pointless action, observing that “Gunz will be president before Kasich.”  Gunz couldn’t be President of ‘Masturbators Anonymous’.  They tried to swear him in, but he didn’t want to raise his hand.

    ‘PRESIDENT’ GUNZ.  WORD TO THE WISE:  DON’T SHAKE HIS HAND.

    6:20:44 A.M. –  The I-Man mistakes ‘Fat Elvis’, who is in studio with us this morning, for Senator Lindsey Graham…who was with us yesterday, and performed his essay to much laughter…but wishes he knew Imus didn’t remember, because then he could bring back the same essay this morning.  It has begun.

    A CROSS SECTION OF THE ‘I-CRANIUM’

    6:36:27 A.M.  We learn that our first guest, CBS Correspondent, Anthony Mason, has Bobby Womack’s ‘Across 110th Street’.  Who knew Mason was a fan of 70’s Blaxploitation Soundtracks.   We should have known when we saw ‘Theme From Cleopatra Jones’ from Joe Simon  and ‘Overture of Foxy Brown’ were also on the list.

    APPARENTLY, BEFORE HE WORKED FOR CBS, MR. MASON WAS QUITE THE MOVIE STAR

    6:38:32 A.M.  Mason informs us that he’s been off for the past few days, but weighs in on topics like whether or not Donald Trump can go the distance.  He’s impressed with the way The Donald dominates the airwaves, and thinks Trump has definitely “Stirred up the pot”.  He believes that all the work the Republican Party has put in trying to build a bridge to the Hispanic Community is for naught, because Trump has ‘Set that bridge on fire.’

    TRUMP’S RIFT WITH THE HISPANIC VOTE

    (ARTIST’S RENDERING)

    7:05:37 A.M.  In light of the Gawker/Conde’ Nast controversy, the we learn a very valuable lesson:  Don’t hire Gay Porn Actors from the Escort Service without checking their references. 

    AND HE LOOKS LIKE SUCH A NICE BOY

    7:22:44 A.M. –  Warner plays a clip of the 2015 British Open Champion Zach Johnson, fraught wit emotion.  He may not have ‘Blubber Titties’, but he’s sure good at Blubber…ing.

    OH, SUCK IT UP, YA PUS*Y!

    7:37:26 A.M. PSYCHOS features two NEW Psychos this week, in addition to Moderately Psychotic Bernie and Uber Psycho Deirdre.  Fat Elvis, who is upset by  his Ashley Madison profile being hacked, and Tony ‘Tupac’, Rasheed, By Any Means Necessary, Free Huey, X…The Third, who is exorcised about the mentally ill homeless on the streets, which results in quite an exhibition of mental illness in the studio.  He and Bernie go Toe to Toe in a Point/Counterpoint, Smack Down, Steel Cage, Ladder Match.  Deirdre, of course, gets into the fray, calling Mr. X the 3rd ‘Disgraceful’ for defending the Iranians, when she takes issue with the Nuke deal between them and the US.  For once, we are glad we are glad we are 1700 miles away, and wish we had entered into a Nuclear Deal with Deirdre…because this place is about to get ‘Blowed Up Real Good.’

    WHEN THE WARNING LIGHTS ARE LIT…GET YOUR ASS TO A SHELTER

    8:07:34 A.M. – Today is Zach Cates, the Imus’ ‘adopted’ son, and the Boss gets impatient with Deirdre’s account of how he became part of the family.  We’re not so sure he wants to mess with her.  Not today.  No sir.

    SILHOUETTES ON THE WALL

    8:45:09 A.M. –  Geraldo.    What more can you say?  Except he has his trademark incisiveness when it comes to the Trump situation, which, he says is a ‘Near Death Experience.’  We assume he means for Donald, and not us…but just when you think you’re going to escape Mr. Rivera ‘Going There’, he says he can see “Amy Schumer licking Trump’s Big Ole BlubberTitties.”   Ew.

    AMY SCHUMER.  THE FORCE IS STRONG IN HER.

    8:47:59 A.M. –   The Boss mentions that he calls Deirdre ‘El Chapo’.  Geraldo says “It’s a good thing she doesn’t call YOU that.  It means ‘shorty’.”   Oh, Snap!

    “WHEN I SAID ‘SHORTY’, DON, I WASN’T REFERRING TO YOUR HEIGHT.  I WAS REFERRING TO…WELL, LOOK AT THE PONY…YOU’LL GET THE IDEA.”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    FOR ANTHONY MASON

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96Y24a0cyCE 

     

    FOR ZACH’S BIRTHDAY:

     

    https://www.youtube.com/user/RHCPtv?annotation_id=annotation_529774&feature=iv&src_vid=YlUKcNNmywk 

    Monday
    Jul202015

    More Trump Talk

    6:05:12 A.M. – Donald Trump is, once again, who everybody’s talking about…after his comments about John McCain not being a War Hero.  Among those who weigh in on this ‘Asshole’, the I-Man.  “You just know that under that suit of his, he’s got them big ol’ Blubber Titties.”   The Donald would like you to know that he’s “Seen a lot of Blubber Titties all over the world, and mine are the finest Blubber Titties ever found on a man.   I’m just being honest.”

    THERE IS TALK THAT HE’S GOING TO BUILD TWIN HOTELS ON TOP OF THESE PUPPIES

    6:16:32 A.M. – Warner reports that Detroit Tiger Pitcher, Justin Verlander, known for dating SuperModel Kate Upton, is no longer the Ace he once was.   We think that after Dating Ms. Upton all these months, he’s lost his grip on a baseball, because his hands are gripping something much larger.

    IF HE COULD GRIP THE BALL THE SAME WAY HE’S GRIPPING THEM TITTIES…

    6:40:27 A.M.  Bo Dietl phones in, defending John McCain against his man Donald Trump, and talks about how great Senator McCain was for Veteran’s Health Issues Bo came up with a better idea than the VA Hospital, a Veteran’s Card so those who served can go to ANY hospital of their choice…apparently Senator McCain was on board with that idea.  Unlike Bo’s other ideas…it didn’t require torture to get the War Hero on Board.

    “SO I GOT THIS IDEA FOR ‘BO DIETL’S  BURGER STATION SITUATION’ WHERE VETERANS CAN GET A HAMBURGER AND FRIES AND A SHAKE FOR FREE JUST BY SHOWING THEIR VA CARD.  WADDYA THINK?”

    “AND I THOUGHT The Ha Lò PRISON WAS BAD.” 

    7:08:37 A.M.  Warner makes a mistake by saying that one of the hardest things to do in sports is hitting a major league baseball pitch.  The I-Man challenges Warner by asking him “How about Calf Roping?”   We’d pay to see Warner at a Rodeo. 

    “COME AWN LITTLE DAWGIE!  HOT DAWGIE!  HOT DAWGIE!”

    7:16:44 A.M. –  Warner reports that Justin Verlander went into a full windup with the bases loaded in the game against the Baltimore Orioles.  The I-Man says that “He’s thinking about them Big Ol’ Titties.”   We believe he’s right.  Already STANDING on a mound, know WE certainly would be.

    YEAH, WE CAN SEE WHERE HE’D BE DISTRACTED, KNOWING THAT WAS WAITING FOR HIM AFTER THE GAME

    7:20:06 A.M. – Dr. Bill warns about the hot, humid weather, to avoid Caffeine and Alcohol as they dehydrate you.  So…how are we supposed to get through the morning without our 5-8 Irish Coffees?

    WE SWEAR, HOT, CAFFEINATED, ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES DO MAKE YOU FEEL COOLER.

    7:36:16 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS featuring Warner Wolf, Lou Rufino, Nat Candido, Tony Powell, Connell McShane and…Gunz.  In the tradition of One Name Show Business Entities.  Cher.  Madonna.  Lassie.  The segment begins with a question about whether or not the Mets will make the playoffs.  UBER FAN… (And by that we mean the Mets, and NOT the car service) Nat Candido, is convinced that they will.  But he’s still putting teeth under his pillow and leaving cookies and milk for Santa.  Hope Springs Eternal.  So he’s probably not the best person to answer this question.

    NAT RUNS ONTO THE FIELD DURING THE LAST METS HOME GAME

    7:38:01 A.M. – Who is the Bigger Douche?  The choices were Carmelo Anthony for not going to the NBA Summer League games to support his teammates, or former Yankee Centerfielder and Current Sex Offender, Chad Curtis, who wants to publicly release the names of his young victims.  The fact that it took a Sex Offender to edge out Carmello for Douche of the week…doesn’t say much about Carmello.  This one is about as close as ‘Bush Vs. Gore’. 

    IT’S PRETTY MUCH A ‘DOUCHE’ JUMP BALL

    8:12:24 A.M. – Connell reports that Hackers have broken into the ‘Ashley Madison’, the Online Cheating Site, and released large caches of personal data of their 37 Million Users.   They threaten to release ‘…all customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and addresses, if they don’t take the site, and one of their other sexual liason sites, ‘Established Men’ permanently offline…which is bad news for Bill Clinton…but good news for Gunz.  He could use the publicity to raise his ‘profile.’ 

    GUNZ ASHLEY MADISON PROFILE.  HE’S HOPING IT GETS RELEASED

    8:17:11 A.M. – The I-Man asks the crew what we think Trump would look like naked.  We’re all in agreement that it wouldn’t be a pretty sight, and the potential that he’d have the same kind of here down in his nether regions is somewhat of a disgusting image to conjure.  Nobody wants to see a penis with a combover.

    UNDERNEATH THAT ‘GINGER PATCH’ LIES A VERY SMALL PENIS.  BUT, AS TRUMP WILL SAY, “IT’S THE VERY FINEST SMALL PENIS IN THE WORLD.  I’M VERY PROUD OF THIS SMALL PENIS.  I’VE SEEN A LOT OF SMALL PENISES, AND NONE OF THEM MEASURE UP TO MY SMALL PENIS.”

    8:39:43 A.M. – The New York Times’ Tom Friedman is on and he says that the Iran Nuclear Deal is about as good a bad deal as you can get.  He makes it sound like it should’ve come with a premium.

     

    “AND IF YOU SIGN TODAY, YOU WILL GET FREE ‘I-PHONE’…EVEN THOUGH THE ‘I’ REALLY STANDS FOR ‘IRAN’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    JUST TO PROVE WE’RE NOT JUST SHALLOW, SEXIST, PIGS, WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING FOOTAGE OF THAT POOR, HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED

    KATE UPTON

    (We think Justin Verlander is a Saint for making her feel ‘special’)

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK0ZxBgqU6M 

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkaWyrm8EQg 

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gNgnvqelG4

    Friday
    Jul172015

    Happy 28th Anniversary I-Man!

    6:07:14 A.M. – Today is the I-Man’s 28th Anniversary of his Sobriety.  Every year, he gets an AA Commemorative Coin from Rob.  They get harder and harder to find, as Rehab is only successful 10% of the time.  We think he’s proved his point…he is capable of commitment and discipline…so…have a drink, Boss.   But then we’d have to start all over again with a 1 Year coin.  But at least they’d be easier to find.

    AFTER ALL THESE YEARS…IT’S GETTING EXPENSIVE

    6:25:44 A.M. – During the Briefing, Bernard plays a clip of Amy Schumer, who relates a story about being at an event with Katie Couric, who left their table without her phone, which, of course, Amy used to text Katie’s husband.  Of course, Amy being Amy, what she texted was “Tonight I want Anal.”  The I-Man says he’s done that.   WHAT?   Oh, used Deirdre’s phone to text something.  For a second there, we thought…ohhhhh nevermind.

    HE’S TEXTED THIS SO MANY TIMES, HE COULD JUST COPY/PASTE

    6:40:27 A.M. Juan Williams, finally phones in, and the I-Man tries to get him to throw Geraldo and Eric Bolling under the bus, but Juan, smart man that he is, doesn’t take the bait…because it’s not in Mr. Williams’ nature to make fun of the mentally challenged.  In fact, we’re surprised that Geraldo is being so confrontational with Mr. Bolling, considering that Mr. Rivera has done all that good work for the patients at Willowbrook.

    JUAN AIN’T GONNA DO IT

    “MY FATHER CAN BEAT UP YOUR FATHER.”

    “MY MOTHER CAN BEAT UP YOUR FATHER.”

    7:05:37 A.M.  During the break, Imus plays Cupid and tries to hook up Dr. Bill with Lis Wiehl.  “You won’t have to drug her…”  Perhaps not…but we’re pretty sure she’d take them AFTER the date.

    “I JUST FARTED.  IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU’LL PULL THE COVERS OVER YOUR HEAD.”

    7:15:14 A.M. –  Connell reports that one of Google’s Self-Driving cars was involved in an accident.  Apparently, it was ‘Rear Ended’…and not in an Amy Schumer kind of way.  It must’ve been particularly difficult for the car behind it to exchange license numbers.   Because we’re pretty sure the Self-Driving Car was driving without a license.

    “YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST…STAY IN THE RIGHT LANE…SLOW DOWN…YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO THAT OTHER CAR…”

    THE  SELF-DRIVING GOOGLE CAR COMES EQUIPPED WITH A ROBOTIC BACKSEAT DRIVER

    7:19:38 A.M. –  The I-Man has not been able to watch the British Open on his 3000 foot TV screen, because he doesn’t know how to turn it on.  Deirdre finally comes to the rescue, using a novel approach, by taking the remote control out of the charger and pressing the ‘On’ button.    She will, no doubt, have to repeat this process a few more times until Imus finally gets it.

    “YAAAAY!  I TURNED ON THE TV LIKE A BIG BOY!”

    7:21:11 A.M. –  Deirdre is justifiably proud this morning, as her Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center ® had a study published in the BMC Pediatrics June 2015 Edition.  The Study challenged the Long-Held assumption that pesticide-based lice treatments were the best way to eradicate infestions.  It concluded that the use of dimethicone, a colorless, odorless silicone-based liquid was an effective,  safe, treatment option in pediatric patients.  This is EXCELLENT news for Gunz, who was one of the subjects in the Test Study…although it took 3 treatments to kill all the bugs on his head. 

    THAT’S NOT DANDRUFF ON HIS HEAD.  THOSE ARE EGGS

    7:36:06 A.M. –  HOLLYWOOD & VINE or, as we like to call it, SHUT UP RIEDEL!  Imus in the Morning’s Broadway Boy is crowing about the publication of his book, RAZZLE DAZZLE – THE BATTLE FOR BROADWAY, which, Imogen Lloyd Webber, much to her chagrin, reluctantly admits is actually GOOD


    WHICH ONE WOULD BE THE BETTER SELLER? 

    7:38:27 A.M. – The segment begins with the I-Man polling the panel about Caitlyn Jenner.   (Well, perhaps ‘Poll’ might not be an appropriate Homonym) Imogen responds that Caitlyn is a ‘Transformative Figure’.   Um…yes, SHE is, Imogen.  Like Optimus Prime.  She transformed from a guy.

    MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

    7:41:06 A.M. – Riedel views Caitlyn Jenner with some cynicism, claiming that Jenner is addicted to TV and is an ‘Attention Whore’.  We take exception to that, as she hasn’t been a woman long enough to be ‘Slut Shamed’.

    DIDN’T TAKE VERY LONG

    7:44:08 A.M. – Deirdre supports Caitlyn Jenner, and mentions that, as a Track Star herself, Bruce Jenner was a childhood hero.  Of course, those were the days when he was winning medals for the DICK –CATHALON.

    TWO SECONDS AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN, DEIRDRE PASSED CAITLYN AND LEFT HER IN THE DUST

    7:45:16 A.M. – Finally, the Emmys are discussed, with both Riedel and Imogen upset that ‘Empire’, the hit Fox Series was snubbed for ‘Best Drama’ by the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, while all the support went to older shows, such as ‘Game of Thrones’, ‘House of Cards’.  Maybe if ‘Empire’ was known as ‘Empire of Blacks’ it might have stood a chance.  Obviously, Three Word Titles are what the Academy seems to response to.

    WE’D WATCH THAT.  BUT THEN AGAIN, WE WATCH IT NOW EVEN THOUGH IT’S ONLY CALLED ‘EMPIRE’

    8:05:12 A.M. – Connell reports that 91 Year Old, Former President, George H.W. Bush, having fallen and breaking a bone in his neck, is doing well, and expected to make a full recovery in about 4 months.  We all marvel at the toughness of the WWII Bomber Pilot, who Sky Dives to celebrate his birthdays. Which probably wouldn’t have happened, if he wore a chute around the house.

    “I’M COMING DOWNSTAIRS.  GERONIMO!”

    8:15:11 A.M. – Imus reports that ‘Killing Jesus’ has been nominated for an Emmy, but, the fact that it’s up against three HBO movies, ‘Hello Ladies’, ‘Bessie’ and ‘Nightingale’ , Lifetime’s ‘Grace of Monaco’, and some Agatha Christie deal on the Acorn TV network.  What the hell is the Acorn TV network?  The ‘Squirrel Channel’?

    “KILLING SQUIRREL JESUS” WAS A RATINGS BONANZA

    8:39:43 A.M. – Catherine Herridge, Chief Intelligence Correspondent for Fox News, fails to phone in.  This, coupled with Juan Williams phoning in late, is troubling.  It would be somewhat ironic, if, on this day of celebrating the I-Man’s 28 years of Sobriety, these two losers were too hung over to call in when they were supposed to.

    “I COULD HAVE EASILY USED THIS PHONE TO CALL…BUT I COULDN’T SEE THE NUMBERS…I’M…SO…WASTED!”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WHY EMPIRE IS THE GREATEST SERIES ON TELEVISION…PERHAPS IN HISTORY

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdQGDXwkdVU

    COOKIE VS. ANIKA (BOO BOO KITTY)

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loxo8fFz_90

    GABOUREY SIDIBE (BASED ON THE NOVEL ‘PUSH’ BY SAPPHIRE)

    RE-CAPS THE SEASON FINALE

    Thursday
    Jul162015

    Devon Still, A True Inspiration

    6:03:12 A.M. –  The I-Man saw almost the ENTIRE ESPN Espy Awards Show last night, and, one of the highlights, for him, was the look on Brett Favre’s face when Caitlyn Jenner made her entrance to receive the ‘Arthur Ashe Courage Award’.   It’s kind of like the look we have on OUR face when we watch the Boss eat his oatmeal: equal parts disgust and amazement.

    WE DON’T THINK BRETT WILL BE SENDING PICTURES OF HIS PENIS TO CAITLYN.  PROBABLY BECAUSE HE’D BE AFRAID OF GETTING A PICTURE OF JENNER’S BACK.

    6:08:56 A.M. – Imus has had a change of heart regarding Kid Rock.  He says that Rock’s last album, ‘First Kiss’, (which the I-Man initially claimed was a masterpiece akin to Pet Sounds or Abbey Road or Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music), is now not even as good as K.C. and the Sunshine Band’s Do it Good. Well, we don’t know about that.  We spent many an evening in 1974 with our headphones on trying to find the hidden messages in “Sound Your Funky Horn.”

    KID ROCK’S NEXT ALBUM: ‘CONFEDERATE ROAD’

    6:15:44 A.M. – The I-Man is confused and interested in Transgenders.  He wants to know what the difference is between them and Transvestites.   Here’s the deal:  Transvestites are men who identify as male, but like to wear women’s clothes.  Transgenders are people who believe they were born the wrong sex, and attempt to physically alter themselves to become the gender they identify themselves to be.  So, despite the fact that The Boss is acting like he’s got his period this morning, he’s still safe.

    THE I-MAN DOES NOT IDENTIFY AS AN I-WOMAN

    6:40:27 A.M. Dr. Richard Haass is on to discuss the results of the Iran Nuke Negotiation.  He’s somewhat lukewarm about it.  He worries that Iran got the better end of the deal.  What he fails to recognize is, these are Persians, and they’ve been negotiating for thousands and thousands of years.  They’ve made HUGE profits on Cheesy Rugs…unless you stood firm long enough to make them sell it to you at cost.

    “YES, MY FRIEND…FOR YOU, I MAKE SPECIAL PRICE…BUY TWO BOMB I THROW IN NICE RUG FOR YOUR WIFE.”

    7:05:10 A.M.  The I-Man really must have his “Period” this morning, because he’s so very melancholy over Caitlyn Jenner.  Time to get out the Haagen Dazs, the Bubble Bath, and the Dong Quai tea.

    A GOOD SOAK WILL MAKE YOU FEEL, MUCH BETTER

    7:22:44 A.M. –  Warner reports that Houston’s Defensive End, Jadeveon Clowny is NOT a huge fan of University of Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban.  Seems that Saban came to visit Mr. Clowny and talked for an hour, putting him to sleep.  Jadeveon wasn’t impressed by this “College Coach who was only 5 foot 5.”   This prompts the I-Man to query “How will that make my little friends Lupica and Warner feel?”  We think they’ll be okay.  Anytime you get a quote from a guy named Clowny, it’s kinda hard to take him seriously.

    YOU’D THINK A GUY WITH A NAME LIKE ‘CLOWNY’ WOULD BE A LITTLE MORE TOLERANT OF ‘LITTLE PEOPLE’, CONSIDERING HOW MANY MIDGETS WORK FOR THE CIRCUS

    7:35:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II , and Curtis Sliwa is ‘Playing Hurt’, having had some Dental Surgery, and he says he will fight through the pain like Willis Reed, but he claims he took a couple of Vicodin so he should be okay.  We’re hoping that’s true, because we have a hard time figuring out what he says in ‘Sliwaese’ normally…if he starts slurring his words, we’re F&*$ed. 

    YOU MAY HAVE TAKEN ONE TOO MANY OF THOSE, CURTIS.

    7:36:12 A.M. – The segment begins with Deirdre, not honked off at all, but rather inspired with the speech given by Cincinnati Bengal Defensive Tackle, Devon Still, at the ESPYS last night.  She was moved, and admired how he is taking care of his child.  She says she couldn’t stop crying.  We wonder if the tears were a function of her emotional catharsis listening to Still, or the fact that she had to sit next to the I-Man for 3 hours.

     THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A FATHER.

     THIS  IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN.

    7:38:16 A.M. – Bo is next, who is apoplectic about a number of things, most fervently about having sex with a horse, which he believes, is going to be the ‘Next Thing’ after the Courage Award given to Caitlyn Jenner last night.  She gives him the creeps.  However, he doesn’t seem to be all that repulsed by the concept of Sex with a horse.  If we were American Pharoah, we would get some serious locks put on the stall doors.  Although, we’re pretty sure he could run fast enough to keep Bo from catching him.

    “PLEASE BE GENTLE.  IT’S MY FIRST TIME.”

    “NOT A PROBLEMATATION, PHAROAH.”

    7:40:08 A.M. – Alan is upset with all the people who are against Obama’s Iran Deal, and haven’t even read it.  Deirdre challenges him on it, and when he asks her if she’s read it, she replies “No.”  but she’s not even sure that The President read it.  She maintains he hasn’t read his own Health Care Bill.  We’re not all that sure she’s wrong about that one.

    “WAIT A MINUTE.  AREN’T THOSE REALLY ‘DEATH PANELS’?”

    7:42:44 A.M. –  Curtis is incensed about the influx of young, ‘Wannabe Homeless’, who hold signs like ‘I Need 17.20 To Get Home’, and ‘I Need Money For Weed’.   He believes it’s the ‘Zombification’ of America, which, we think, will be the inspiration for the next Young Homeless Person sign.

    YOU SHOULD’VE SAVE YOUR ALLOWANCE, KID.

    7:44:56 A.M. –  Bernard is upset that Caitlyn Jenner won the Courage Award; he doesn’t want America to turn Jenner into Pat Tillman.  He reminds us that, when she was still a man, Caitlyn was actually married to Kim Kardashian’s mother.

    KRIS JENNER IS WONDER WOMAN

      WHILE CAITLYN JENNER…IS A WONDER THAT SHE IS A WOMAN

    8:05:10 A.M. – The I-Man really MUST be menstruating, as he’s obviously having mood swings.  He’s now vacillating from his original melancholy, his empathy for Caitlyn Jenner has now been replaced by his not thinking her speech last night was authentic.  He remains empathetic and sympathetic to Chas Bono, but something about Jenner doesn’t strike him as genuine.  We think it has something to do with the fact that Caitlyn is not ‘All In’, as she still has a penis. A penis, by the way, that Chas would KILL to have.  It reminds us of the Mama Cass/Karen Carpenter irony:  ‘If Karen had only eaten Mama’s Ham Sandwich, they might both still be with us today.’   Maybe we could hire someone to ‘Lorena Babbit’ Caitlyn’s manhood…and give it to Chas. 

     

    AWW…C’MON, CAITLYN.  HAVE A HEART.  BE GENEROUS.  DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS.  THINK ABOUT IT…ARE YOU REALLY GONNA USE IT?

    8:13:26 A.M. –  The President is going to Prison today…which, initially, makes Warner ecstatic, until he learns that he’s not actually being incarcerated, he is only VISITING the jail, in an effort to implement reforms in America’s Penal System.  He is the only ‘Sitting President’ to make such a trip.  Chris Christie is also going to the Pen, and I-Man observes how “They’re gonna LOVE that fat boy in prison.”   We’re not sure if Christie is the first Sitting Governor to make the trip…but we suggest that while he’s ‘inside’, he remain sitting.  That is, if he doesn’t want to be some convict’s ‘Prison Bitch’.

    GOVERNOR CHRISTIE ISN’T WORRIED ABOUT HAVING TO ‘TOSS A SALAD’.   BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, HE DOESN’T EAT SALAD.

    8:39:43 A.M. –I-Fave and Show-Fave, and someone who we truly admire and respect, The GREAT Colin Quinn phones in to promote his new Off Broadway Show, ‘Colin Quinn: The New York Story’, in which, he is most likely as brilliant as he was in his first two Off Broadway Shows, ‘Long Story Short’ and ‘Unconstitutional’.   Unfortunately, he is speaking on, what sounds like, a Sports Illustrated Subscription Premium Football Phone.  And yet, he’s still hysterical, which is a complete antithesis to the ‘Anti-Colin Quinn’, Ron White, who is about as funny as Anal Cancer.

    FROM THE LATEST EDITION OF ESSENTIAL COLOPROCTOLOGY

    ROB AND TONY NEED TO DO THEIR HOMEWORK

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY?

    HERE’S A LITTLE INSPIRATION FOR YOU.

     

    DEVON STILL’S EMOTIONAL SPEECH FROM LAST NIGHT’S

     ESPY AWARDS

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X8fDp4MiAg

     

    Wednesday
    Jul152015

    Happy Birthday Steve Borneman!

    6:07:56 A.M. – Today is our former radio boss Steve Borneman’s birthday. The I-Man tells a hilarious story about Steve. It seems that during a recent contract negotiation Imus was considering moving over to WOR. Steve left his job at WABC and got hired at WOR in anticipation of the I-Man’s arrival. Imus never left WABC, and…well… Steve eventually got fired from WOR. He’s working in Scranton Pennsylvania now at Dunder Mifflin selling fine paper products for Michael Scott. He’s started drinking more, and has taken to selling meth to supplement his lost income. After being in and out of jail he was forced to sell a kidney to pay the rent on his studio apartment by the railroad tracks. Steve has a great view of the Lackawanna coal trains. Great…um..story Boss. High-larious. Our sides are still killing us. Happy Birthday Steve! We sent you a present. It’s a case of bottled water to keep that other kidney healthy.

    Just A Little Something So That You Don’t Sell Yourself Short Steve

    6:13:47 A.M. – Rob is not here today. He is taping an episode of a hit TV show. He is on The Good Wife. Well not “on” The Good Wife. Poor girl couldn’t breathe if he was on the Good Wife. He’s working closely with the very lovely Julianna Margulies and I’m here  with…..Gunz.

     

    Look What Rob Gets and Look What I Got. Yea That’s Fair

    6:20:17 A.M. – The I-Man announces that it’s also Linda Ronstadt’s birthday. The It’s So Easy To Fall In Love Singer is 69. 69? Tell you what else it’s easy to do Linda. Break a hip. Be careful.

    Just In Case You Fall During Rehearsal

    6:38:09 A.M. – I-Fave and defense lawyer Arthur Aidala is our guest. Arthur is upset with Mayor Bill de Blasio. It seems that Arthur went to Del Frisco’s restaurant last night and upon leaving he was approached by three intimidating homeless people. He should’ve told them that he was a lawyer. Because let’s face facts, nobody likes lawyers. Even the unwashed masses hate lawyers. Aidala also takes exception to the money paid to Eric Garner’s family. He thinks it was too much. The I-Man mentions the money paid to the Rikers Island prisoner who lost the use of his penis due to an untreated case of priapism. The inmate had a six day erection. He was awarded 750K. Great! With all of that money the ladies will be …oh….never mind.

    Don’t Be A Victim. Seek Help If It Lasts More Than Four Hours Or Call The Escort Service

    7:07:06 A.M. – Upon further review Imus has decided that Eric Bolling is a punk for taking a cheap shot at Geraldo. We tend to agree and are quite sure that Geraldo is quite capable of making Bolling his bitch. In fact if they go to jail for fighting we know who will be washing the t-shirts.

    Remember Eric, Geraldo Said No Starch

    7:18:32 A.M. – The Boss gives us the exciting news that Disc Jockey legend, The Great Jimmy Rabbitt, the man who coined the phrase “Eagle-ese on your heartbreak radio” recorded a music album and we’re going to play some of the songs. We all make a dash for the studio door, but apparently someone has jammed a chair under the knob outside.  Where’s El Chapo’s tunnel builders when you need them. The first song is “The Sweetness Is In You”. Not really Jimmy. If we were “sweet” we’d be pretending we enjoyed this. That’s not fair. Truth be told, we haven’t heard something this good since C.W. McCall’s Convoy.

    We Wonder How This Gem Stayed Buried For Forty Years

    7:42:02 A.M. Blonde On Blonde or as we like to call it why is that woman yelling at her mom. The segment begins with Imus complaining about his wife’s tight tank top. We pay close attention as this “complaint” may be a sign of early dementia. The conversation moves to a question about adoption. The I-Man relates a story about a young woman who decided to give up her baby but changed her mind at the last minute. Legal Eagle Lis Wiehl claims that she doesn’t know enough to answer the question as there are many variables. The I-Man then raises the topic of the inmate with the damaged penis. Maybe “raises” was a poor choice of words. Imus says that the man got 750K and asks Lis how much a penis would be worth to her. Lis responds, “priceless”. Boom drop the mike.

    Law Degree From Harvard. Two Well Adjusted Kids. Having A Penis To Call Your Very Own?….Priceless

    8:07:43 A.M. – Following a weather report from Dr. Bill, where he drops the loser “hey tomorrow is my birthday” line, Deirdre gets the idea that Lis Wiehl and Bill Evans could be a match. Not bad. Seems like a good fit. A weatherman for a garden that hasn’t been watered in a loooong time.

     

    Hey Lis Take Your Top Off. It’s Okay , I’m A Dr.

    8:17:23 A.M. – Bernie tells a story about a man that has been arrested for trying to solicit sex from a horse. Imus remarks that it’s not uncommon. Um….really boss? Is there something you’d like to get off of your chest? Apparently Imus’ contractor, Tommy Morrison, shared a story about a fence builder with 40 years experience who …well… took a walk on the wild side after his wife stopped giving him some loving. This expert fence builder got it on with a goat. We guess those horns do come in handy as they give you something to hang on to. 40 years of expertise building fences and now you’re just known as a goat f&*ker.

    Slow Down Handsome, You’ve Got Plenty Of Time to Fix That Fence

    8:42:03 A.M. – Show fave Patrick McEnroe is our guest. He immediately takes the Boss to task for cutting into his time as Imus often did when Patrick was doing sports for the program. Imus took full responsibility for the time issue, if by full responsibility you mean that he tossed Bernard under the bus. McEnroe and Imus discuss Serena Williams chances of getting a calendar Grand Slam as well as the fact that the I-Man has left the Upper West Side for Texas. Imus reminds McEnroe that he still has his CPW penthouse apartment. Patrick wonders will the Upper West side ever be the same again. Well…Patrick.. there won’t be a cranky cowboy peeing off of the balcony during The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade …so …No it won’t ever be the same.

    Great Parade! Yes and It’s Much Drier Than Last Year

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Happy Birthday Linda Ronstadt!

    Enjoy this Live 1980 HBO Concert

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgIv-kJzURU

     

    Happy Birthday Steve Borneman

    Here’s A Glimpse Into Our Former Boss’ New Life In Scranton

    The Show Opening For The Office

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tYfQeVA3qk

    Here’s A Steve Borneman Update

    (Artist Portrayal)

    Dan Aykroyd Trading Places

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Od4nSd9AVH8