6:05:10 a.m. – Vindication for Tony! His position on Connecticut Basketball Coach, Kevin Ollie, being a viable NBA Coach, was a sound idea. At least according to Lupica. He has received the Sacred Sports Imprimatur. Walk talk, Tony. Just not next to Lupy.
MIKEY THROWS OUT THE FIRST PITCH ON ‘IRISH NIGHT’ AT YANKEE STADIUM. WHY AN ITALIAN MAN WAS THROWING OUT THE FIRST PITCH IS ANYBODY’S GUESS.
6:12:24 – Dagen announces that Glenn Frye inducted Linda Ronstadt into the Rock n’ Roll Hall O’ Fame, while the I-Man maintains that, back in Makeup, she said it was Don Henley. It really doesn’t matter. It’s amazing that he believes he can remember anything. He forgets what he’s talking about in mid-sentence. He probably forgot he even likes the Eagles. He probably thought Don Henley was the guy from ‘Miami Vice’.
6:27:24 – Video of Hilary Clinton giving a speech in Las Vegas at The Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino, during which, a shoe was thrown at her. The I-Man notices that Hilary ducked late. Probably because she’s usually the one throwing the shoe…or ashtray…or toaster at her husband.
COINCIDENCE? IT’S BUBBA’S SIZE
6:35:07 a.m. – History Professor at Rice University, Doug Brinkley, is on to discuss Chuck Berry and Woody Guthrie. Who, as far as we know, never played together. Professor Brinkley is teaching a course about Woody Guthrie, so, it’s a safe bet that ‘This Land Is Your Land’ will be on the final.
7:12:24a.m. – Warner reports on Michael Pineda, starting pitcher for the Yankees, being caught with a dark substance on his hand. Yes. It’s called…his hand. He’s a black man, from the Dominican Republic, Warner. He’s got a black substance all over his body. The STICKY substance on his hand is from the Jelly Donut he ate in the dugout.
7:28:34 a.m. – A clip of The Great One, Mark Levin, is played, in which his producer, Gunz, is asked about the hateful names he’s been called, to which, Gunz answers, “Yeah, there’s a lot of ‘Anti-Jew’ stuff”. We know he means ‘Anti-Semitic’…but also that he’s technically, a ‘Trainable’. Levin continues: “Call screener…turn on your microphone.” Call Screener? Gunz has worked for this nut for the past 7 years. He doesn’t know his name?
“YOU! WOMAN FROM WHOSE LOINS I SPRUNG! WHAT’S YOUR NAME AGAIN?”
7:39:34 a.m. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS! One of the questions is ‘Who is your favorite fat Sports figure?’ For us, it’s a tossup between Babe Ruth and that guy Lambeau Field. He’s huge.
LOOK AT THE ASS ON THIS GUY
7:41:34 a.m. – After last week’s betrayal, it’s clear that Warner is sucking up to Nat. After pushing him off the platform onto the subway track this past Friday, he goes out of his way to give Nat credit for his opinions. He must really feel bad. NOBODY gives Nat credit for ANYTHING. He’s like the Little Richard of the Imus in the Morning Program. Except he’s not that ‘little’.
‘LITTLE NAT’ SHUT UP.
8:05:10 a.m. – ‘Larry Flynt’ has written a song about Colbert, which he is allowed to do live, back in the Green Room. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but Tony looks for it on ‘iTunes’, so he can submit it for ‘I-Music’ this Monday. It’ll be better than anything Dagen comes up with.
Stephen Colbert, is getting Letterman’s chair
And he’ll be a multi-millionaire
Rush Limbaugh thinks the decision redefines what is funny
And his position is CBS will waste their money
So Rush before you get way too overblown take an oxycodone
Say a prayer, and go kiss Stephen’s rear in Times Square
Stephen Colbert, y’know he just doesn’t care
And he likes to shave his pubic hair
He shapes it all nice and tidy…to look like a bald eagle
Monday to Friday…which although is not illegal
Would surely be considered bad taste, like the flag being defaced,
But you’LL stare at what’s there in Colbert’s underwear
THE B-SIDE IS ‘YOU LIFT ME UP’
8:36:14 a.m. – Christopher ‘Mad Dog’ Russo is on, and basically an extension of ‘Vinnie From Queens’ except it’s only one person. The I-Man and Russo spar over what’s a more ‘American’ Sport. The Rodeo or Baseball. We’re not sure…but the discussion DOES make us long for a rope and a bat.
MAFIA ‘PINCH HIT MAN’
“YO! HOW LONG’D IT TAKE TO TIE HIM UP?”
8:48:14 a.m. – Russo is incredulous at the I-Man’s weekend plans. “You mean, you fly your kid down to Texas, put him on a horse…and you WATCH that?” It’s certainly better than what Fruit Loops will be doing with HIS weekend: Throwing Darts at a Mike Francesa poster, eating pudding and kissing his autographed photo of Will Clark.
WILL THE THRILL…HE’S NOT BLEEDING, THAT’S MAD DOG’S LIPSTICK – HE’S AS SURPRISED AS WE ARE…HE THOUGHT RUSSO WOULD’VE GONE WITH MORE OF AN ‘EARTH TONE’
9:17:34 a.m. – The I-Man will be leaving for Texas…on the I-Jet. Which, we certainly hope, doesn’t have a flight plan that includes the Indian Ocean…but that would only be if BRANT were flying the plane.
“HEY, ‘SKIPPER’. I DON’T REMEMBER THERE BEING SUCH LARGE LAKES OVER TEXAS”
VIDEO OF THE DAY :
THIS IS THE ‘HEIR TO THE ‘LATE NIGHT’ THRONE: