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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

Deirdre's Big Game Day Dish Picks! It's cold outside so a combination of healthy comfort foods with healthy salads will keep you feeling good! 

Mosquito expert: Washington downplaying Zika virus threat to US - As the number of birth defects linked to a mosquito-borne virus surpasses 4,000 in Brazil, and scientists scramble to create a vaccine to protect against the untreatable disease, public health officials are bracing themselves for a potential outbreak in the U.S.

Laundry detergents causing mass poisoning of American children - stop buying toxic chemicals - The convenient single-use laundry packets that people toss in their clothes washer are posing serious health risks to young children who tend to mistake the colorful, clear pouches--commonly referred to as "pods" as popularized by the Tides Pods brand--as candy or toys.

Bowing to pressure, FDA to reform painkiller approval process - Bowing to pressure from lawmakers, Dr. Robert Califf, President Barack Obama's nominee to lead the Food and Drug Administration, said on Thursday the agency would reform its process for approving opioid painkillers.

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

The Happy Vegan: A Guide to Living a Long, Healthy, and Successful Life - Master entrepreneur, original hip-hop mogul, and three-time New York Times bestselling author Russell Simmons offers an inspiring guide to the benefits of conscious eating and veganism


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Resurgent Kobe Bryant leads Lakers past Pelicans, 99-96 - Bryant had 27 points and 12 rebounds, hitting three pivotal 3-pointers in the final 6:05, and the Los Angeles Lakers won their second straight, 99-96 over the New Orleans Pelicans on Thursday night.
Brewer, Ariza lead Rockets past Suns 111-105 - Corey Brewer scored a season high 24 points and Trevor Ariza 22 to lead the Rockets, who scored 38 points off 24 turnovers by Phoenix in a 111-105 victory over the Suns on Thursday night. Brewer made 9 of 12 shots and had four of his team's 16 steals.
BMX legend Mirra dead of suicide - Dave Mirra, one of the most successful BMX athletes in history, was found dead of an apparent suicide on Thursday, said Greenville (NC) Police.
Dana White: Ronda Rousey 'probably' returns in Nov. to face Holm-Tate winner
Details of Johnny Manziel incident released; police say case closed - Quarterback Johnny Manziel allegedly struck his ex-girlfriend several times during an incident at the Hotel ZaZa in downtown Dallas early Saturday morning, according to a Fort Worth police report released Thursday.
Recent Guests:
    Monday
    Feb022015

    Special Groundhog Day Edition

     

    SPECIAL GROUNDHOG DAY EDITION

    6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man discusses last night’s Super Bowl, and the first thing he comments on is, of course,  not the asinine screen pass that cinched the game for the Patriots, but that…Idina Menzel can’t sing.  Her rendition of the National Anthem was…well, not aesthetically pleasing to the Boss.  At least he knew how to pronounce her name. 

    SURPRISE GUEST JOHN TRAVOLTA WATCHING HIS ALL-TIME FAVORITE SINGER, ADELE NAZEEM, CRUSH IT WITH THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER.

    6:06:12 a.m. – The Boss then asks the question, “Is there a bigger douche than Robert Kraft?”  This morning, we believe Pete Carroll is the ‘King of Douchedom.’  Instead of giving the football to his All-Pro, All-Star, Running Back, Beast-Mode Marshawn Lynch, he threw it to a guy who couldn’t catch Gonorrhea.  Ricardo Lockette will be going from the Super Bowl, to the Super Market…asking you if you want Paper or Plastic.

    DON’T DROP THE EGGS, RICARDO.  BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO CATCH THEM

    6:12:18 a.m. –  Carley is not here.  Allie is taking her place.  “Allie is fine”, the I-Man says.  “She’s more than fine” offers Connell.  “No she’s not MORE than fine…she’s fine.  Don’t overpraise people.”  That’s a problem around here.  All the overpraising.

    PRAISE GOD…NOT THE HELP. AFTER ALL, GOD WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH ETERNAL LIFE… WHAT ARE THEY EVER GONNA DO FOR YOU?

    6:41:08 a.m. –  Bo Dietl is here, and he says his heart…is clear.  He has had another coronary procedure, yet another stint.  Bo is officially the Stint Master.  He advises the audience that if they feel like something strange is happening to their body…not to wait, go right to the Doctor.  Does that include…erections?  Well, probably.  At this point, if a Woody presented itself without the aid of Viagra, that would be something strange happening to our bodies…and it certainly warrant an ER visit. 

    “HAVE YOU HAD THIS HAPPEN TO YOU BEFORE THIS TIME?”

    “WELL, DOCTOR, NOT FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS…”

    6:46:08 a.m. – The I-Man chastens Bo for refusing to change his ways, to become Vegan and eschew meat in favor of a plant-based diet.  Bo says that he’s not going to do what Imus does, and eat ‘Yak Load’.   You would, Bo, if you knew how to prepare it correctly.

    BRING THE YAK LOAD TO A LOW BOIL AND THEN SIMMER FOR 45 MINUTES, STIRRING OCCASIONALLY WHILE YOU WAIT FOR THE PIZZA TO BE DELIVERED

    6:55:11a.m. – Bo stops in the studio before he leaves, to say goodbye, and to comment on the Punxsutawney Phil Ground Hog ceremony that Bigfoot has up on the large monitor.  “Last year, Mayor Big Bird, dropped the f%$king gopher!   He dropped the F^&$ing thing!  See that there?  DeBlasio dropped the f^%#ing gopher!  And it DIED!”  Thanks for remembering, Bo.  We, however, believe that the Groundhog leapt to his death, and upon a complete investigation, it will be revealed that he actually killed HIMSELF.  An apparent Rodenticide.

    “GET ME THE F%$%K AWAY FROM THIS A$*HOLE!”

    ‘STATEN ISLAND CHUCK’…NOT EXACTLY A DE BLASIO FAN

     

    “DAMMIT!  I SAID  ‘DON’T DRIVE ANGRY’!”

    7:01:44 a.m. – The I-Man wore his Adidas Country sneakers without sox…and there’s 4 inches of slush at the curb by the studio entrance, which, as there is a God, he stepped into.  He is brilliant at many things, Imus is, but, APPARENTLY, a judge of appropriate footwear is not in his wheelhouse.

    NAT GIVES THE I-MAN A LITTLE HELP GETTING TO THE STUDIO SO HE DOESN’T GET HIS SNEAKS WET

    7:12:24 a.m. –  Cannabis Oil. The Boss wants to know where he can get some.  Cannabis Oil, that is.  Which is somewhat ironic, in that, there was a time when the I-Man could find ANY drug at ANY Time of the Day or Night, and get it delivered to the Penthouse on Astor Place during the 70’s.  He says that it’s a holistic cure for a lot of maladies…SO we assume he’s got Glaucoma.  Wait till he finds out you can’t get high from it.  He says “It’s illegal to buy it in New York, isn’t it?”  Well, seeing as how we’re in NEW Amsterdam and not Amsterdam…um, yeah, it is. 

    SNOOP AND IMUS, FO’ SHIZZLE.  SNOOP  WILL NEVER GET CANCER

    7:24:27 a.m. – We discuss, and then actually watch, Punxsutawney Phil, the Groundhog in Gobbler’s Knob…which, for us, is the only thing worth the time.  We see the old, fat, white guys in Tuxedos and Top Hats, make idiots of themselves, and we find ourselves wishing that when they free Phil from his little hutch, that the Angry Rodent goes for one of their throats.  After an interminable amount of time waiting for some Rat’s Cousin, when we are informed there will be 6 more weeks of Winter.  What?  Oh, wait minute.  It IS six more weeks to March 20th…the official beginning of Spring.  Which means this Overblown Squirrel’s Prognosticating is…MOOT.  We also know that Richard Gere is watching this event wondering where Phil will be going after the celebration is over.  We want one of the fat white guys in the top hat to stuff Phil in his pants so he can use his big, sharp, rodent teeth to ‘Gobble’ their ‘Knobs’. 

    “DON’T DROP THE F%$KIN’ GOPHER!”

    7:36:32 a.m. –  VINNIE FROM QUEENS a special, Super Bowl, Post Mortem edition, where we learn that Pete Carroll made the dumbest decision in NFL history.  Perhaps the dumbest decision IN ALL HISTORY.  Ahead of the Titanic Captain saying “Full Speed Ahead”’, Custer going, “C’mon, how many could there be?”  And the invention of New Coke.  We also learn that Gunz likes to ‘Drunk Email’ the I-Man. Which is similar to ‘Drunk Texting’, except without the pictures of his penis.   They talked about Katy Perry, and the Superbowl Commercials, (Especially the one with the dead kid.)

    YOU WERE LUCKY.  YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO WATCH THE HALF TIME SHOW

    “I’LL START WITH THIS ONE…OH, WAIT A SECOND…HE’S DEAD.”

     ALTHOUGH, LIS WIEHL WOULD’VE TAUGHT ME WHAT A ‘GILF’ IS

    8:05:10 a.m. – Dagen, although she HATES the Patriots, reveals that she put their All-Star, All-Pro, Tight End, Rob Gronkowski, in HER ‘Spank Bubble’.  Of course, Rollo, her husband, thought her moaning ‘Gronk…Gronk…’ was just her snoring.

    DAGEN WAS RIGHT.  HIS QUALITY OF PUSSIES HAS IMPROVED.  AS WELL AS THE KITTENS

    8:17:32 a.m. –  Ashley Webster chimes in on the Super Bowl, and was not a fan of Katie Perry’s Super Bowl Half Time Show. He thought it was cheesey, overproduced, and, ultimately, boring.  He thinks she should’ve gone down to Punxsutawney and ‘Kissed’ the Rodent.  Which she has much experience doing.  She actually MARRIED Russell Brand.

    IF WE WERE HER, WE WOULD’VE PUT PAPER DOWN FIRST

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THIS  IS THE WAY THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS SUNG

    MARVIN GAYE

    http://vimeo.com/34606761

    Friday
    Jan302015

    Super Bowl Friday!

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man is tired this morning.  He decided to take a nap yesterday, in the middle of the office.  And, as you might imagine, Deirdre and Meghan were talking…at the top of their lungs.  But he didn’t say anything because, well, he was, of course, taking a nap on the couch…in an office.  Which is along way from the old days at NBC when he would take a nap on the floor of the studio.

    THE I-MAN, CIRCA 1981.  READY TO GO ON THE AIR BEFORE THE FIRST NAP

    6:09:18 a.m. – “Marshawn Lynch“ is here.  No, not really.  It’s Tony, dressed up in dreadlocks and Seahawks T-Shirt.  Who, the I-Man has informed us via email, won’t be speaking this morning…and every time he asks us if we have a question for ‘Marshawn’, we are to say “No, not really.” That was the plan.  A running joke that was ripe with possibilities, provided were all on the same page. Pretty simple, right?   

    6:17:14 a.m. –  Suge Knight, the I-Man’s rap mogul buddy and source of his ‘Street Cred’,  killed somebody last night.  In related news…IHOP sells pancakes.  The Boss doesn’t take the news well, and attempts to defend his ‘Friend’ , who is certain to go to prison…probably for the rest of his life.  Suge Knight’s that is…not Imus’.  That would be a ‘suspended sentence’.  Apparently, Mr. Knight,   ran over, and then backed up over the decedent.  Which means he shifted gears in attempting to make a 3 point turn.   Unsuccessfully , obviously.  Which means not only will Suge go up for Murder…he will probably lose his driver’s license.  No Justice, No Peace.

    SOUL MATES.  CELL MATES

    6:18:36 a.m. –   Teresa Birney, who, as we reported yesterday, went to see ‘Book of Mormon’…and…actually fell asleep.  Which means Warner is off the hook.  We’re not sure why Teresa fell asleep, although when we get to thinking about it, we know that she gets up very early in the morning and does Imus’ hair in the Makeup Room, which, as you can imagine, exhaustingly grueling.  It would tucker out a crack head... 

    “I CAN’T COMB IT ANY MORE!  IT’S LIKE BARBED WIRE!”

    6:20:40 a.m. –   The I-Man tells Warner, “Take all the time you want…”  We pack a lunch, arrange for lodging, and call home to tell our wives we will be here ALL NIGHT.  Warner does everything except the Jakarta Tiddlywink Invitational.  We will both have birthdays before he’s done.

    ROB IN THE GREEN ROOM AFTER WARNER IS DONE

    6:41:08 a.m. –  Imus asks Bernard “Do you have a questions for Marshawn?”  We wait for his “No, not really.” But instead, he asks ‘Marshawn’ where he can get one of those Beast Mode hats….uh…oh.  It’s a shame that most of you in the audience are listening on the radio, not because you couldn’t see Tony as Lynch, but the look on the I-Man’s face when Bernard blew the bit.  It was a lot like the one on  the guy’s face in ‘The Crying Game’ when he discovered that his girlfriend had a d^ck.       

    “ARE YOU SHOCKED?”                                                                  “NO, NOT REALLY”

    7:05:10 a.m. – The Boss goes on a tirade.

    7:12:32 a.m. – The tirade continues…

    7:18:46 a.m. – Please God, make it stop…

    7:24:27 a.m. – At this point, we’d rather listen to him retell the ‘Mama T’ story.

    7:27:27 a.m. – … actually, we would rather be one of the lepers…

    7:27:27 a.m. – …Holy F#@%!  Okay, do the Fordham “Up on the Boards Back on the D” anecdote!

    7:31:44 a.m. –  We’ll be right back…we’re going to go suck on an exhaust pipe.  No, not really.  But we thought about it pretty hard the past half hour.

    ONE OF THE CREW DISAPPEARS AROUND 7:22 AND WE FIND HIM OUTSIDE ON 48TH STREET

    7:41:32 a.m. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS – FINALLY!   The Special ‘SuperBowl’ edition…um…sorry…the ‘Big Game’ edition.  We don’t want the NFL to sue us.  The morning’s been rough enough already.  Nat makes a very passionate defense of his choice of The Seahawks, because, as a Jets Fan, he cannot possibly root for The Patriots.  He takes Connell, also a Jets Fan, to task for picking the Patriots.  In Nat’s Worldview, that would be like baby seals rooting for Great White Sharks.  Um…Nat?  The Jets were four and twelve.  Even Baby Seals wouldn’t root for them.

    JETS FANS.  WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

    8:05:10 a.m. – Guess what?  Fran Wood checks in with an email to the I-Man.  Fran, as we have told you before in this very blog, is somewhat eccentric, in that, she must believe she is producing the show.  At least that’s what we think, because she’s always chiming in with programming ideas.  This morning, she’s complaining to the I-Man for chastising the staff with such vitriol.  Imus says, “If you don’t like it, turn off your radio, turn off your TV and…KISS MY ASS!”   They put up a photo of Fran on the monitor.  She looks like the kind of woman who just might be into that.  Somebody send her a 50 Shades of Grey Vermont Teddy Bear. 

    FRAN WOOD, A ‘WEEKEND’  MASOCHIST

    THIS WASN’T THE KIND OF ‘BONDAGE’ SHE  WAS HOPING FOR

    8:16:32 a.m. –  The Boss checks his Starbucks’ Protein Box to make sure that there are the requisite two pieces of cheese, but complains that there is ‘Brown Stuff’ on his apple.  He doesn’t know what it is, or where it came from. But he eats it anyway.  Well, we know what it is…and how it got there...The Barista over at Starbucks.   And if Imus knew where he got it…he wouldn’t want to eat it.  But the Barista probably, ‘wiped it on there’   to distract him from the “Yellow Stuff” in his coffee. 

    UM…EWWW.

    8:40:12 a.m. – Lupica phones in from Arizona, where he is covering the Super Bowl for his column in the Daily News and his programs on ESPN Radio and Television.  When the interview, (which is witty, informative and relatively positive) is over, the I-Man says Lupy is a great guest, and has been “Since the beginning”.   Imus thinks he had him on for the first time around 1979 or 1981…or maybe 1979 through 1981…he doesn’t remember, because that was when his very generous, not tax exempt, daily donations, helped put Pablo Escobar’s children through college.  In any event, we love Lupica, and his unique sports perspective…which for him…is about turf level.

    MIKE LUPICA.  OUT STANDING IN HIS FIELD.   HEY, MIKEY, DO US A FAVOR.

    BE CAREFUL OF THAT LAWNMOWER

     

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SuperBowl Rivals

    Marshawn Lynch &  Rob Gronkowski

    Play ‘Mortal Kombat X’

    With Conan O’Brien

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNpkSyryQz4 

    Thursday
    Jan292015

    The 50 Shades of Grey Bear

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man’s Fox Hair Stylist, Teresa, is going to see ‘Book of Mormon’ tonight.  She is a sweet, kind, beautiful, softspoken, lovely Christian woman. We assume she thinks it’s a play about Brigham Young.   Boy, is she in for a surprise.

    UM…THE BOOK IS JUST A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT THAN THE MUSICAL

    6:17:14 a.m. –  The I-Man reads a spot for a long time sponsor, the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.  This year, they are offering…something new….Er…something a little…different.  Something you might say is a little ‘Outside The Box’.   It’s the ’50 Shades of Grey’ Bear.  Of the book and movie of the same name.  Comes with a set of miniature handcuffs, and a Lone Ranger mask.   What’s next?  ‘The Rusty Trombone’ bear?   

    THEIR SAFE WORD IS… ‘STUFFING’

    6:22:08 a.m. –  We realize that this “50 Shades” Bear is going to be a recurring theme on today’s program.  Which makes us wonder if there could be sequels to the film.   This time, starring the bear.

    STARRING…TED?

    6:41:08 a.m. –  Our favorite Secret Agent, Mike Baker is on to discuss the hostage situation and ISIS.  Baker’s not in studio this morning, which suggests that he has more information than most, as he has ‘Eyes On’ the detainees from his clandestine location.  Imus interrupts Baker’s Rescue Mission to ask him if he’s heard about the 50 Shades Vermont Teddy Bear.  Baker says that for years his cover was as a spokeman for the Vermont Teddy Bear company.  “You’re joking.” The I-Man says.   “…sure.” Answers Double O Dreamy.  (Dagen’s code name for him.   She says he has a license to kill…her.)   And not in the ‘Ending the Life Way’.  Hashtag :  Le Petit Morte.  Or as the French call it, “Mon Dieu!  Mon Dieu!  Jes Suis Venue!”

    “WHAT WAS THAT NOISE, YOU ASK?  OH, NOTHING, I-MAN…I THINK A CAR MUST’VE BACKFIRED OUTSIDE.  NO, EVERYTHING HERE IS FINE.”

    7:05:10 a.m. – While the Boss is on the air reading a spot, Connell hands him the script that Rob gave to Nat and Nat gave to Connell.  When the I-Man chastises Nat for the infraction…Nat  throws Connell under the bus.  “You can’t be doin’ that, Bro!”  Nat from downtown.

    “YO, BACK IT UP, OKAY, BRO?”

    7:16:32 a.m. – Connell reports that on the upcoming trial of former Patriots’ Tight End, Aaron Hernandez.  Tight end?  He’s been indicted for murder, and so he’s been in jail for a couple of years.  We’re not sure how ‘Tight’ his end is these days. The I-Man remarks that Hernandez has a great smile and looks like a nice guy.  Yeah.  And John Wayne Gacy loved kids.

    JOHN WAYNE GACY: HE MADE BALLOON ANIMALS…USING ACTUAL ANIMALS

    7:40:32 a.m. –  THE MENSA MEETING  or, as we like to call it, “Three People Screaming at Alan Colmes.”  They discuss Super Bowl snacks, Islamic Terrorism, and Vermont Teddy Bears.  The takeaway?  Deirdre is making organic wheat grass pate’, faux nachos and No Chicken Chicken Wings.   Mmmmmm.  Somebody call Dominos.

                           VEGAN NACHOS            BIG HAIRY BEEF AND CHEESE NACHOS

    ONE WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE…THE OTHER ONE MAKES IT WORTH LIVING.

    ‘WE REPORT, YOU DECIDE.’

    7:42:55  a.m. – On the subject of the  ’50 Shades of Grey’ Bear, the Boss suggests that Gunz buy a few and give them to the ladies he knows, and see what happens.  Gunz doesn’t really have anyone at the moment, and a ’50 Shades of Grey’ Bear would only confuse him, as it would be too difficult for him to tie himself up and beat his own ass.  Not that Gunz hasn’t been handcuffed to a bed before…in fact, the Fire Department no longer answers his emergency calls. 

    “BPHMGRPH MPHGRBPH GRMPHTH!”

    REALLY?  THAT’S THE MOST INTELLIGENT THING YOU’VE EVER SAID, GUNZ

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man asks Ashley what his wife would say if he sent her a  ‘50 Shades of Grey’ Vermont Teddy Bear.  Mr. Webster answers that his bride, Fiona would say :   “Thanks. When are you coming home?”  We get the impression that this won’t be the first time Mrs. Webster’s been tied up…in fact, their first date, she woke up in the trunk of his car on the way to the lake.

    “I TRUST THOSE ROPES AREN’T TOO TIGHT, LOVE.  PLEASE GRUNT IF THEY ARE.”

    8:36:44 a.m. – I-Fave Bill O’Reilly is the guest.  First question from the I-Man is. “How did you come up with naming your show ‘The Factor’.”  O’Reilly says that it had never been used before, and when he’s on there, “I’m a factor in how things are put forth.”  Which is somewhat scary, when you consider he writes books about ‘Killing’ people.  Lincoln, Jesus, Kennedy, and now Patton.  Bill suggests in his latest book that General George S. Patton was murdered.  Conversely, Actor George C. Scott, who won an Academy Award for PLAYING General George S. Patton, died of an aortic aneurysm.  Where’s the book for that one, Bill?

    IF HE WRITES A BOOK ABOUT YOU…DON’T BUY ANY GREEN BANANAS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    ANOTHER TEDDY BEAR THAT WAS NOT EXACTLY   ‘FAO SCHWARTZ WORTHY’

    NO, NOT THESE…

     

    THIS!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVIYL71ZtRo

    Wednesday
    Jan282015

    Where's My Other Piece of Cheese?

    5:59:07 – Before we go on the air, Imus goes into a long, drawn out, explanation of why his prescription glasses are no good.  They’re Progressive Lenses, which, at first, makes us think that they voted for Legalizing Marijuana, because it helps Glaucoma.   But we are mistaken, they are the kind that have one strength at the top and a different one on the bottom.  Apparently, Imus says he can’t use the ‘READING’ portion on the bottom of the glasses, but he can read without them.  So…what’s with the specs, dude?   You think they make you look…smart?  They don’t do anything for the vacant stare and the open mouth.

    ACTUALLY, THEY  DO MAKE HIM LOOKMORE INTELLIGENT

    6:05:10 a.m. –    Fred Dicker will be our 6:30 guest.  Naturally, the I-Man takes particular glee in pronouncing Mr. DICK-ers name.  He gets the same thrill whenever he says the name Joe COCK-er, and Tom PETER-sson.  However, we haven’t heard him pronounce Ed PENIS-heimer’s name as of yet.

     DICKER, COCKER & PETERSSON

    6:07:14 a.m. –  “Leave him alone.”  The I-Man’s decree on Seattle Seahawks’ Marshawn Lynch.  Marshawn is getting grief for his press conference, for saying “I’m only here so I don’t get fined.” 29 times.  Well, at  least it wasn’t the Mama T story.

    “AND THEN…MAMA T SAID… ‘I’M GONNA START WITH THIS ONE OVER HERE.’”

    6:08:16a.m. –  The Boss talks about Mayor Bill DeBlasio shutting down the city due to the weather, and mentions thaT he’s been living in the city for 40 years, and we’ve had worse storms than this, even if this storm lived up to expectations.  What’s changed?  “Everybody is a pussy.”   Well, that explains it.  A new meteolghr…meatymojo…meteorlahgi….weather term.  As in:   “You can expect some road closures and slow going due to the…fact that Everybody is a Pussy.”

    THE TOILET PAPER IS ONLY BECAUSE SHE’S LACTOSE INTOLERANT

    6:18:36 a.m. –   The I-Man says he watched a lot of local newscasts over the weekend.  He’s surprised to know that WABC Eyewitness News Reporter, Sarah Wallace, is still on the air.  Not nearly as surprised as Sarah Wallace was when she discovered Bea Arthur was still alive.  But then again, she’s got that wonky eye.

    OVER HERE, SARAH.  OVER HERE, SWEETIE…

    6:41:08 a.m. –  New York Post State Editor, Fred Dicker is on to discuss the corruption scandal involving Sheldon Silver, who will be vacating his post as New York Assembly Speaker.  Fred is a fascinating guest…if anybody gave a F#@K about the New York Assembly Speaker.  But it’s quite a scoop:  There’s Corruption in Government.  We are shocked.   As Claude Rains says in ‘Casablanca’, “Round up the ‘Usual Suspects’.”

    ADMIT IT.  YOU WANT TO SEE THIS DOUCHE IN A CELL WITH A 400 POUND MOLESTER NAMED ‘CHESTER’, AND EVERY NIGHT IS ‘PROM NIGHT’

    7:16:32 a.m. – Dagen does a report about Michael Fassbender, who will star in the Steve Jobs’ biopic, as the founder of Apple Computer.  Dagen mentions that she’s a ‘Big Fan’ of Mr. Fassbenders’, accenting the word ‘BIG’, so we get what she means.   Apparently, Fassbender is hung like a painting at the Louvre.  Boy got 3 arms.  And one of them is holding an apple.  This causes Dagen to wonder if Mr. Jobs was also likewise endowed.  She adds, “A girl can dream, can’t she?”   About WHAT?  Knocking boots with a dead guy?   You know, Dagen, there’s a rumor about Lincoln putting that Stovepipe Hat to cover his junk when he got excited at the theater.

    FASSBENDER GIVING US A ‘VISUAL’ ANALOGY

    THANK YOU, MICHAEL.  MAYBE JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION

    7:40:32 a.m. –  BLONDE ON BLONDE  or, as we like to call it, ‘Please God, Make This Noise In My Head Go Away’. The ladies cover a wide variety of subjects, including ‘Deflated Balls’, Drones at the White House…and Paul McCartney’s ex-wife’s…um…stump.  According to Heather Mills, the former ‘Mrs. Macca’, she uses said stump…to pick up guys.  Which is profound, because, it’s usually the guys who use their ‘stump’ to pick up girls.   Most guys we know are ‘Leg Men.’  But we’re not so sure they’re crazy about walking away with one.

    “NOT FUNNY, PAUL.   NOT BLOODY FUNNY AT ALL.”

    8:03:06  a.m. –  Imus takes our Meteor…you know, Dr. Bill, to task for being a “Fat, Lying Skunk”, ostensibly, for his failed predictions for New York City.  Dr. Evans takes exception to this designation.  “Yes, I am a lying skunk.  But I’m not fat.”   The I-Man mentions again that he had been watching Local News over the weekend, where, coincidentally, Dr. Bill also works.  The Boss mentions Sarah Wallace again, and wonders if the Good Doctor might “…want to take a run at that.”   Aside from the fact that Ms. Wallace is married, we don’t think she’d have anything to do with a Lying Skunk.  Fat or not.

    “NO, REALLY, THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL…I SWEAR TO GOD!”

    8:05:10 a.m. – A big Shout Out to Debbie at the Hotel in Huntsville, for AMAZING service, that includes her bringing coffee in the morning, AND, on Saturday, a big ol’ box of Shipley’s Donuts.  Which, according to Imus, make Krispy Kreme taste like Dog Turds.   (He didn’t say that, but he definitely implied such)  In fact, he ate FOUR of them at one sitting, and then,  upon arriving at Joe Beaver’s offered the 8 Time World Champion one.  The last one.  Such is the I-Man’s love and respect for Joe that he was willing to offer his LAST Shipley’s Donut.  Joe initially demurs, but immediately, has a second thought.  Too late, Joe.  As soon as Imus heard the ‘N’ sound, the Last Donut was on its voyage down the Boss’ Alimentary Canal.  He had so much glaze on his face, he resembled Jenna Jameson after a hard day at work.

    “SORRY, JOE…YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.”

    8:15:30 a.m. – During Connell’s News Report, Imus throws his empty water bottle at McShane’s head.  Incredulous, Connell asks “Did you just throw a water bottle at my head?”  The I-Man says “Yes I did.”  Connell responds, “I’d like to point out to the audience that I am 3 feet away…and he still missed.”   Connell from downtown.  From where, no doubt, he could still hit the Boss with a Water Bottle.

    “HEY NUMBNUTS!  DUCK!!...OH.  NEVER MIND.  NAT!  PICK THAT UP!”

    8:42:12 a.m. – Catherine Herridge is on, she being the Fox News Chief Intelligence Correspondent, which makes us wonder why she’s talking to Imus.  She’s on to discuss ISIS, ISIL, and other things to scare the s#!% out of us.  Which also makes us wonder…why the hell does Imus keep having her as a guest?  She’s got us so paranoid, we can’t even bring ourselves to order ITALIAN ICES.   “Good Morning, Ms. Herridge.”   “Good Morning Mr. Imus…enjoy this last day.  Because we’re all gonna die.” 

    “CATHERINE HERRIDGE SAID…WHAT????”

    8:46:11 a.m. – The I-Man sends Carley back to Starbucks to demand a new Protein Box, as the one he has one less piece of cheese…sorry…one FEWER piece of cheese, than there is supposed to be.  She bundles up and heads out into the 14 Degree weather and trudges across the street to do so.  While she’s gone, the Boss realizes that the 2nd piece of cheese was hiding underneath the Apple.  We guess he really DOES need new glasses.   Anyway, Code Red has been averted. We go back down to Def-Con 3.  But then Carley returns with the 2nd Protein Box…and informs Imus that she PAID for it.  Which puts the Threat Level back up to Code Orange.  Which, by the way, resembles the color of the missing cheese.  He consumes both Protein Packs, which comes on the heels of his ‘5 Donut Weekend.’  At this rate, he’ll be fatter than Rob.   Well, maybe not THAT fat.

    YO, BITCH!  WHERE’S MY OTHER PIECE OF CHEESE?

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    For Dagen, Another ‘Gifted’ Gentleman From The Movies

    (Take THAT, Michael Fassbender)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9JqbCH4aVw 

    Friday
    Jan232015

    Deflate-Gate

    6:05:10 a.m. –    Warner is wearing a tie today.  We think it’s because he has a Job Interview scheduled.  Because after his “IDIOTIC” prediction that Bill Belichick would resign before playing the game that could, possibly, bring him his FOURTH Superbowl Ring.  Yeah, he’s gonna retire.  Maybe he was dressing up for HIS surprise Retirement Party.  Or, as he says, his funeral.

    “WELL, I’M A LEGENDARY SPORTSCASTER…AND I WAS ALSO IN ROCKY 4”

    6:17:14 a.m. –  The I-Man comments on Tom Brady’s Press Conference yesterday, and explains that he likes heaters.  Imus, that is.  Not Tom Brady.  He likes ‘Hotties’, as his wife, Giselle Bunchen would illustrate. We’re not sure what heaters have to do with deflated footballs, but The Boss clarifies by saying that he doesn’t have to mention that he needs the heaters, because our Teddy Bear Stage Manager, Nat, knows to put them by the big chair, without having to be told.   So, what is the point?   Tom Brady acting as though the Equipment Boy didn’t know how he likes his balls is…Bull$#@t.  Not to put too fine a point on it.

    TOM BRADY SHOWING OFF HIS WIFE, GISELE BUNDCHEN’S FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM. (“TELL A LIE…TELL THE TRUTH!  TELL A LIE!  TELL THE TRUTH!)

    6:20:26 a.m. –   Warner shows a picture of, who he says, is Carley’s Fiancé’ Pete, with a ‘Tom Brady’ Tattoo on his lower lip.   It’s finally happened.  Warner has finally ‘Stepped Off The Curb.’   He is, officially, out of his f@#king mind.   The only Tattoo he has is one of Carley in a Michigan Jersey.

    CARLEY THINKS PETE IS ‘NUMBER ONE’   

    6:41:08 a.m. –  Arthur Aidala and the I-Man talk Tom Brady, and the idiotic media at his Press Conference, asking him “Are you a cheater?”  Which he answered by saying, “I don’t believe so.”  Really, Tom?  Is Gisele having sex with the Gardener?  “I don’t believe so.”   Have you ever taken a quick peek at the other players’ junk in the shower?  “I don’t believe so.”    Are you an insufferable Douchebag?  WE believe so. 

    “HEY, L.T.!  YOU KNOW KNOW A LOT ABOUT SACKS…WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TOM BRADY?”

    “BRADY?  HE’S A LYING SACK OF  S%#T”

    7:02:04 a.m. –  Dr. Bill reports on the upcoming snowstorm, which will be between 1 to 3 in the city, and 5 or 6 inches North and West.  Which isn’t much of a snowstorm.  Bill asks the I-Man, ”How much snow do you want?”  The obvious answer would be NONE, but Imus plays into Dr. Bill’s Idiocy.  “We want 9 feet”, he says, “And we want the terrorists to take out the Grid.”   Which, in turn, would create a “30% chance of Precipitation”.

    “AW, C’MON, ABDUL…LET’S MAKE SOME SNOW ANGELS!  THEN WE CAN BLOW UP THE POWER PLANT! ”

    7:05:32 a.m. –  Warner is still trying to justify his insane prediction yesterday that Bill Belichek would resign.   And he doubles down on it again this morning.  The I-Man BEGS Warner to stop… “Because it just makes you sound MORE crazy.”  “They told Thomas Edison HE was crazy too!” Warner says defensively.  Yes, they did, Warner, but the reason why he invented the lightbulb was because he was tired of getting a candle over his head every time he had an idea.

    LIKE MOST GENIUSES, EDISON DREAMT IN COLOR

    7:13:26  a.m. –  Imus mentions that King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has died at the age of 90.  His brother, King Salman Bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud…Junior…will take his place.  Apparently, Ol’ Salami is 70 something years old, and suffers from the early stages of dementia.  Or, as the I-Man says,  “The signal’s getting weak on him.”   We agree.  He went on the record yesterday to say he thought Bill Belichick would resign.  Sounds familiar.  Where have we heard that before?

    KING SMOKED SALMON LOX BAGEL

    7:40:32 a.m. –  THE VINNIE FROM QUEENS crew continues to debate ‘Deflate Gate’.  See what we did there?  That’s freestyle rhymes we bustin’, yo.  The I-Man asks Warner what the Punishment should be for the Patriots, a question that, we recognize, is a hypothetical, while Warner attempt so treat it like it’s on the Verbal part of the SAT Test.  We haven’t seen anybody that confused since Lou Costello tried to figure out the First Baseman’s name on Bud Abbott’s team. 

    “I DON’T KNOW…THIRD BASE”

    8:05:10 a.m. – In spite of all the Patriots’ Hullabaloo, the I-Man still supports them in next week’s SuperBowl.  Is it because of his careful analysis of New England’s offensive scheme and Coach Belichick’s Defensive Genius?   Um…no.  Is it because Tom Brady will, arguably, go down in history as the Greatest Quarterback…ever?  Mmmm…nope.  It’s because the Boss HATES Seattle.  The Team, the Coach, the Fans, The Uniforms.  And...”STOP RAINING”

    “YOU MAD, BRO?”

    HE ALSO HATES CURT KOBAIN

    8:12:59  a.m. – Warner announces that ESPN is pulling the Lakers/Knicks game on Super Bowl Sunday, because…well, they SUCK…and they are replacing them with ‘Celebrity Bowling.’  7 and 36 being replaced by 7-10 Splits.  We’ve seen the lineup for the Bowling Match.  Not exactly what you’d call ‘Celebrities’.

    “HELLO, SPORTSFANS!  I’M NOT CARMELLO ANTHONY!  I’M ‘RERUN’  FROM ‘WHAT’S HAPPENIN’.  WANNA WATCH ME POP AND LOCK?

    8:42:12 a.m. – Richard Haass, The President of The Council On Foreign Relations.  Which sounds like a governing body that controls how many French Women you can have sex with.  (Which, for us, is NONE, unless they decide to start shaving their armpits)    Mr. Haass is on, basically, to SCARE THE LIVING S#%T OUT OF US, by talking about Cyber-Terrorism, and an attack on the Country’s Electric Grid, which he claims, could be knocked out for MONTHS.  What does that mean?  No lights, no ATMs, and No ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’.  Although, that last thing might be a relatively easy thing to deal with.  He too, also weighs in on Tom Brady, as he’s married to a Brazilian Bombshell, Gisele Bundchen, whose Conjugal Favors we assume, his organization monitors.

    “YOU HAVE TO, HONEY, DR. HAASS SAID SO.”

     

    VIDEOS OF THE DAY

    “Deflate-Gate”

    (The Remix)

     

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtvWNZ_9xA 

     

    And some Old School AC/DC

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJ3tqIukBKg