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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

The Growing Pediatric Health Gap: Environmental Injustice Threatens Our Future - As we continue our mission of protecting children’s health, integrative pediatrician Dr. Rosen and I write about the changes in children's health over the last decade, and what we can do about it. We can each change one thing, and we hope this article in  EXPLORE: The Journal of Science and Healing  will inspire you to find one positive change to make for our kids' health.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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We mourn the loss of Eileen Jurist Prince (Eileen, Back Row Center) inspiration for The Tomorrow's Children Fund and daughter of our dear friend the extraordinary David Jurist.

  
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Patriots Dominate Texans - Patriots dominate in all 3 phases; defeat Texans with a 27-0 final score

Team USA Falls To Czechs - Team USA falls to Czechs, finishes winless in World Cup Hockey embarrassment

Mets Beat The Phillies - Cabrera 11th-inning homer leads Mets over Phillies 9-8

Phil Mickelson Drained a 94-Foot Putt at the Tour Championship

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Aug252015

    Assume Crash Position

    6:05:00 A.M. – As you might suspect, the I-Man was very concerned about the Stock Market taking a tanking yesterday.  He called his business manager people, The Andrews Brothers, and asked, “How much money did I lose?”   Their Diplomatic answer?  “Well, you made some, but you just gave some of it back.”  He’s not interested in giving ANYTHING back.  Connell, in an attempt to quell Imus’ annoyance with him because “He doesn’t know anything.” says that, as long as the Boss holds on for a couple of years, he’ll be alright.   Quick Translation:  …He’s f#cked.

    NOT EXACTLY ‘BLACK MONDAY’…MORE LIKE ‘BROWN MONDAY’

    6:08:56 A.M. – Imus shares with us one of the side effects of his alcoholic personality:  “Whenever I order something online, I always order overnight delivery.”   Sometimes, the shipping costs FIVE TIMES what the purchased item does.  He says it’s because he fears he’s never gonna get it.  Well…if you consider the above advice about ‘Holding on for a couple of years’…you could be right, I-Man.

    IMUS SHOULD KEEP SHOPPING.  EVEN THOUGH HE GOT THE GUM FOR 29 CENTS HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET THE SHIPPING DOWN TO $14.99

    6:15:44 A.M. – Despite the fact that he lost money, the I-Man says he is actually HAPPY that the Chinese are having financial problems.  Well, not the Chinese PEOPLE, per se…but the country.

    “DAMN YOU, IMUS!  I AM MISERABLE!”

    6:40:27 A.M. Republican Pin Up Girl, and Alan Colmes Sister-In-Law, Monica Crowley, is on and the I-Man asks her if Trump is right.  She says Trump’s right about everything.  Maybe everything except choice of hair care products.  Imus then asks if she believes that Trump could win the nomination.  She says that when she was asked that very question on this program a few weeks ago, she thought it was preposterous…because he wasn’t serious…but now…she’s not so sure, especially because Trump appears that he’s actually TRYING to win.  What a difference a few weeks makes.  A few weeks ago if you asked us if the I-Man would still be here with us…  But to his credit he’s also pretty serious…because he’s actually TRYING to live.

    MONICA…POSING FOR THE TROOPS

    7:09:37 A.M. – Connell reports that Vice President Joe Biden is considering a potential Presidential Run, and, apparently, has President Obama’s blessing to do so, leading the I-Man to observe:  “Ol’ Grandma’s twisting slowly in the wind…”

    THE ANSWER MY FRIEND…IS TWISTIN’ IN THE WIND…

    7:22:44 A.M. – Chris Christie, apparently, had told Bernie, in person, that he would love to appear on the program again.  Christie, you may recall, was the beneficiary of the I-Man’s dragging his fat ass across the Finish Line when he campaigned for Governor…resulting in his taking the oath of office in January of 2010.  Of course, when Bernie attempted to book him…it was a no go.  Bernard blames Christie’s ‘People’.  The I-Man’s response?  “He’s a fat liar.”  Well…he’d pretty much be a ‘Fat’ everything.  Fat Husband, Fat Father…Fat Sleeper…Fat Sitter….

    CHRIS CHRISTIE

    …AND ON THE WAY TO THE DONUT SHOP

    7:25:56 A.M. – Yancy, the Cumulus Engineer out in Texas, stops by this morning to make an attempt at fixing the hideous technical problems in the I-Man’s Brenham Studio.  He calls ahead to say that he will be stopping at Starbucks on the way over, and asks the Boss if he’d like anything.   OH MAN!  “Iced Mocha…no whip!”  Imus excitedly requests.  And Yancy, indeed, does arrive, Frosty Venti Treat in hand.  No Whip.  As ordered.  Why no whip?  Because the I-Man is pretty ‘Whipped’ already.

    HEY.  YOU MISSED A SPOT.  DON’T LET DEIRDRE SEE THAT…

    7:39:45 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or, as we like to call it, One of these three ladies is not like the others.  Riedel rails against the P.C. Epidemic on College Campuses, which has forced some Comedians to refuse working at them.  There’s an actual boycott of schools, initiated by Headliners like Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Maher.  

    “…AND WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE ‘BLACK WIDOW SPIDER’…I’M SORRY, I MEAN, THE ‘RECENTLY BEREAVED ARACHNID OF ETHNIC MINORITY ORIGIN…”

    7:40:08 A.M. – Imogen wants to take Josh Duggar, one of the Sanctimonious Stars of the Reality Series ’19 Kids and Counting’  to task, not just for the accusations of molesting family members, but now, because his was one of the names on the Ashley Madison Member List made public by hackers last week. Apparently, he had TWO separate accounts, with ‘Wish Lists’ for the kinds of things he was looking for from a mistress which included, among others,  ‘Sensual Massage,  “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,  Bubble Bath for 2, Giving and Receiving Oral Sex, Sex Toys and…Cuddling.’    Wow. What a Romantic.  He’s married…he’s just not a ‘Fanatic’ about it.

    UM…JOSH?  THAT’S GRINDR.  NOT TINDER.  GRINDR IS FOR GAY

    …OH, NEVER MIND

    7:45:16 A.M. – Deirdre is upset with Donald Trump for the way he is going after Megan Kelly. It seems that the Donald has broken the truce that Roger Ailes established. The D-Woman believes that Trump is trying to compensate for his “little penis”. We don’t know where she would get that idea. Just because a man wants to build really, really tall buildings and put his name on them doesn’t mean that….ok so he does have a small penis.

    APPARENTLY, IN REAL LIFE?  DONALD’S NOT SO ‘GRANDE’

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man is curious about Donald Trump, who, by the way, will be a guest on the program tomorrow morning.  He wants to know how it benefits him to go after Megan Kelly.  Maybe he just wants to hear her say his name.  Repeatedly.  Chastising him for being a…bad boy.

    MEGYN WILL MAKE HIM BLEED FROM HIS…WHEREVER…

    8:15:11 A.M. – Jeff Foxworthy is coming up.  The I-Man mentions that Jeff hasn’t been on the program since back during the MSNBC days…in fact, he recalls that when he was fired, Foxworthy cancelled.  Well…um…if you were fired and then he cancelled…that would indicate he’s NOT smarter than a 5th Grader. 

    FOXWORTHY DURING HIS HUMBLE BEGINNINGS ON ‘HEE HAW’

    8:22:44 A.M. – ‘Crash’ is filling in for a vacationing Lou Rufino this week and next, and wants the crew to rate his performance on a scale of 1-10.  Scale?  Crash hasn’t seen the face of one in years…or, for that matter, his dick.  Nevertheless, everyone gives the lad a solid B to B+, between 8 and 8.5. 

    CRASH MIGHT’VE DONE BETTER WITH THE RUSSIAN JUDGE, (CENTER )

    HAD HE JUST BEEN ABLE TO STICK HIS LANDING

    8:40:08 A.M. – The Aforementioned Jeff Foxworthy phones in.  Wow.  He’s Great.  Waaaay better than Ron White.  We never get tired of that ‘You Might Be A Redneck’ stuff. 

    FROM JEFF FOXWORTHY’S 25TH EDITION ‘YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK’ CALENDAR

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A COUPLE OF EXAMPLES THAT ILLUSTRATE

     JUST WHY THE CHINESE ECONOMY

    ‘SUCK BALL’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn9xOwH2-Kw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o63SIc8hvYk

    Monday
    Aug242015

    The Return of Connell McShane

    6:05:00 A.M. – Connell is back from his week of Vacation at the Nude Beach.  We advise you not even attempt to visualize that image.

    GOOD THING HE BROUGHT HIS GUITAR FOR THE FIRESIDE SINGALONG

    6:08:56 A.M. – Warner is a little confused over the Usain Bolt story.  Sportscaster Wolf had the Imperious Jamaican beating Justin Gatlin in the 100 Meter Dash by a SECOND.  Um…Warner?  It was a HUNDRETH of a second.  In Track, a whole second is a lifetime.  Almost as long as it feels to listen to LARRY Gatlin tell a story.

    HEY.  LARRY.  GET TO THE F&CKIN’ POINT

    6:15:44 A.M. – Imus stops at Bucky’s for the Cappuccino.  Which is the equivalent of going to 7-11 to avail yourself of their Wine Cellar.  He might as well buy Sushi at Wal-Mart.  The drink is loaded with caffeine and sugar.  Which means the Boss will be unable to breathe for a much longer part of the day.

    AND WHEN DEIRDRE’S NOT LOOKING, HE EATS A HANDFUL OF SLIM JIMS

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo says that he’s ‘Out of the Closet’   And that Scott Walker “Needs to go to the corner and get a can of man.”  Oh.  So it comes in cans now.  Guess that he knows this fact is evidence that Bo truly IS out of the closet.

    BO, ON THE CARNIVAL ‘GAY CRUISE’

     WITH HIS HANDS ON ANOTHER MANS CANS

    7:15:37 A.M. Connell reports that D.C. is cracking down on Prostitutes.  They’ve arrested 200.  Half of which were found in Congress, disguised as Senators and Congressman.   The others were at Bill Clinton’s Bachelor Pad in Georgetown.

    IF YOU LOOK UP ‘IRONY’ IN THE DICTIONARY, YOU WILL FIND THIS PICTURE

    7:22:44 A.M. – Bernard was invited to Bill O’Reilly’s big Summer Party in the Hamptons.  Bernie was invited.  Lis Wiehl was not only invited, she actually ATTENDED.  You know who wasn’t invited?  The I-Man.  Why?  “Maybe he thought you might show up.” Offers Bernie.

    “HEY DON!  C’MON IN!  THE WATER’S FINE!

    7:38:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS – Begins with the Warner Wolf/Usain Bolt Controversy.  Apparently, 7:40:06 A.M. – NAT IS BACK!!!  Mr. Candido has rejoined the panel after an unfortunate Hiatus due to scheduling issues, but, nevertheless, he is on the phone and CROWING about his METS.   He tells everyone that he predicted them getting into the Playoffs back in the Winter, before Pitchers and Catchers even reported for Spring Training.  God, is there anything more tedious than having to listen to a self-satisfied Mets Fan?   Um…yes.  Listening to a self-satisfied Rodeo Fan.

    “SEE YOU IN OCTOBER, BRO.  I JUST HAVE TO GET THE COLOR ON THIS TATTOO FIXED FIRST.”

    7:45:16 A.M. – Warner is unimpressed with Tennessee Titans’ Marcus Mariota’s performance in the Pre-Season Game against a very good defense from the Rams…throwing 5 for 8 for 58 yards.  The I-Man, however, disagrees, as Marcus passed the Eye Test, as he looked good doing it, even though he was only on the field for a short time.  Warner doesn’t get it.  If you stick your finger in a birthday cake and taste the frosting, you don’t have to eat a whole slice to know the cake is good.   

    “LAST ONE TO THE CAKE IS A ROTTEN EGG, MON!”

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man is irritated with Connell because McShane can’t explain the stock market tumble to him.  “Don’t you also work for Fox Business?” whines the Boss.  Connell does indeed.  But there, he doesn’t need to know anything about the Stock Market…he just has to read the prompter. 

    “NOT TO EMPLOY TOO TECHNICAL OF A FINANCIAL TERM…THE STOCK MARKET CRASH IS OFFICIALLY AN …’ICKY DEAL’.

    8:15:11 A.M. – In light of Mayor DeBlasio’s efforts to rid Times Square of the Topless Women, the I-Man wonders if there aren’t more important things for the mayor to be worried about other than women’s ‘Bressesses.’  We’re in favor of Tig Ol’ Bitties on 42nd Street.  As long as Buzz Lightyear, Mickey Mouse, and Elmo keep their shirts on.

    PERVERT ELMO COPPING A FEEL OFF KATY PERRY

    8:39:43 A.M. – Christopher, ‘Mad Dog’ Russo is on to address the rumors that he and former partner, Mike Francesa will be reunited.  Which is the Sports Broadcasting Equivalent to the Beatles getting back together.  Except, in this case, Francesa is John Lennon…and Russo is ‘Ringo’.

    THE DIFFERENCE HERE IS…RUSSO WOULD BE THE ONE YOU’D WANT TO SHOOT

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    For those of you who are as confused about the Chinese Stock Market as we are, we offer the following sequence from ‘Trading Places’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLySXTIBS3c

    Friday
    Aug212015

    If My Mother Had Been a Wheelbarrow...

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man is taking this Friday off, as is his custom, (“Befitting a legend” says Bernie, sucking up like a Pilot Fish) and so Bernard is hosting…which, you wouldn’t know if it weren’t for the fact that he announces the fact with a few blasts of his trademark air horn.  At least we’re assuming Bernard is hosting and not just a Cruise Ship docking next to the Intrepid.

    THE TOILETS ARE GUARANTEED NOT TO WORK ON THIS VESSEL

    6:08:56 A.M. – While reporting on Pac Man Jones’ claim that, if it weren’t for his suspensions he would have made 100 million dollars, Warner says that… “Well, if my mother had been a wheelbarrow she wouldn’t…” We think he means to invoke the adage: “If my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a wheelbarrow.”   But… “If my mother had been a wheelbarrow…”    Finish that thought, Warner.  What if you mother were a wheelbarrow?  Would you push her around the yard by her ankles?

    “OKAY MA, I’M GOING TO PUT SOME BRICKS ON YOUR BACK NOW.”

    6:15:44 A.M. – Bernie reports that ‘Deez Nuts’, a prank pseudonym for a presidential candidate created by a 15 year old farm boy, is polling well in North Carolina…certainly higher than Senator Lindsey Graham...who, as you might expect, is BELOW ‘Deez Nuts’.  While the Poll…well, the way we’ve always understood it, is… ABOVE ‘Deez Nuts’.   Unless of course the person possessing ‘Deez Nuts’ had been kicked in the crotch.

    WE’D LIKE TO SUPPORT DEEZ NUTS

    6:40:27 A.M. Bernie’s favorite Congressman, Peter King, is on, and he believes that Hillary should’ve said up front what the story was with the Emails.  Of course, if she had admitted the truth at the very beginning, she probably wouldn’t be in as much trouble as she is now.  Then again…if she was a wheelbarrow…

    HILLARY WIPING HER SERVER CLEANER THAN MONICA’S BLUE DRESS

    …AND EMPLOYING A WHEELBARROW TO RID HER HOME OFFICE OF EVIDENCE, ALONG WITH THE SHOVEL SHE’LL USE TO HEAP THE PILE OF BULLSH*T SHE’LL BE USING IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE HER ASS FROM INDICTMENT

    7:05:11 A.M.  Bernie is STILL carrying a grudge against Mayor Bolshevik Bill DeBlasio, for his plans to rid Times Square of the Topless Women…which, may even include closing the pedestrian plaza that was recently built.  Which means there may not be a lot of time to check these babes out.  In fact, we would recommend going today…as we are expecting heavy rain…and we don’t know that the paint is waterproof.

    HOPEFULLY, THESE COLORS WILL RUN

    7:15:37 A.M. – Bernie plays a few cuts from Bernie Sanders’ Album.  Yes, that’s not a typo, the Socialist Candidate for President actually released a record called ‘We Shall Overcome’…a selection of Folk Songs that…well you could call it a ‘Spoken Word’ Album…if it weren’t for the fact that Bernie recites the lyrics…rhythmically.  Which leads us to believe that’s his actual singing voice.

    IT DIDN’T GO ‘PLATINUM’, IT DIDN’T GO ‘GOLD’…IT DIDN’T EVEN GO ‘LEAD’

    7:22:44 A.M. – The term ‘Anchor Babies’ is discussed, as Bernie believes it’s ‘Much Ado About Nothing.’ We, however, strongly believe this practice should be stopped.  Immediately.

    AN ANCHOR BABY DROPS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC

    THIS IS WRONG.  JUST…WRONG

    7:38:26 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS where Gunz states that Johnny Manziel is his idol.  Makes sense.  They’re both too short to play for the NFL.

    GUNZ EMULATING HIS PETITE HERO

    7:39:59 A.M. – The boys discuss Tiger Woods having a great appearance at the Wyndham Championship. Despite the fact that it’s a Chump Championship.

    TIGER TEEING OFF ON THE CHALLENGING, 11TH HOLE, PAR FOUR, ‘WYNDHAM WINDMILL’

    (AT WHICH, HE CHOKED AND TRIPLE BOGEYED)

    7:41:37 A.M. – The topic of John McEnroe’s chances of beating Serena Williams is brought up, and Warner says that interviewed Chris Evert, who said she played her husband, John Lloyd, and he beat her EVERY TIME.  No matter how good she was, she said, he would always win because he’s a man. Of course, that was back in the days when they played tennis with wooden racquets…when the question was whether or not Renee’ Richards could beat herself in a tennis match.

    IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL ‘MIXED DOUBLES’?

    7:45:16 A.M. – Bigger Douche?  Brian Cashman vs. Roy Jones.  A guy for telling future Yankee Hall of Famer Derek Jeter he’d rather have Troy Tulowitzki, OR a guy asking Vladimir Putin for Russian Citizenship.  

    “YO, FYODOR…WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS SO MUTHAF@CKIN’ COLD UP IN THIS BITCH?”

    8:09:34 A.M. – Noam Laden, who is filling in on the News for Connell today,  reports that North Korea has given South Korea until 5 PM today, (North Korea Time) to stop blaring criticisms of Kim Jong Un’s regime on loudspeakers over the border.   We can only imagine how nasty these propaganda-laden messages must be: “Over here we have KIA’s with Bluetooth.  Over there, you got man with ONE tooth riding an ox.”  “You like your Dog?  Well, over here you don’t have to eat it.”   “We have nuclear power.  You don’t even have cable.”

    ONE OF KIM’S STAFF ENJOYING LUNCH

    8:39:43 A.M. – Alan Colmes has phoned in, apparently, non-plussed by yesterday’s PSYCHOS where Deirdre beat on him like a Rented, Red-Headed, Step Mule.   He and Bernie have a spirited debate over wide range of subjects, including Bernie Sanders running a positive campaign, Hillary’s ‘You’ve Got Mail’ controversy, and Donald Trump’s ascendency.    This is an unusual situation for Alan to find himself in, as usually, when he’s on the program, it’s with Deirdre, Bernie, Curtis Sliwa and Bo Dietl, who treat him as though he was being jumped into a gang.

    “ISN’T THERE AN EASIER WAY TO INITIATE ME INTO THE GROUP?  LIKE I HAVE TO CARRY SOME ORGANIC SOYBEANS IN MY PANTS, OR SOMETHING?”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    ADOLF…IS NOT A FAN OF TRUMP’S 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajqWJEVKMLc

    Thursday
    Aug202015

    The 'Rump Roast'

    6:05:00 A.M. –ATT cut the phone line to the Ranch and that’s why the Fax Machine was dead…but the printer in the Brenham Studio STILL doesn’t work.  Apparently there’s some sophisticated, digital, technical problem, that, in order to be remedied, a complicated procedure must be performed.  It’s known as ‘Changing the Ink Cartridge’

    “SOMEBODY CALL TECH SUPPORT…I’M NOT SURE WHERE TO GET THESE TRASH CONTAINERS…AND I DON’T THINK THEY’RE GOING TO FIT…”

    6:08:56 A.M. – Listening to clips from Donald Trump’s ‘Town Hall’ in New Hampshire yesterday, the I-Man comes to the following conclusion:  “Trump reminds me of Francesa.”  In what respect?  He falls asleep in the middle of a phone call?

    “WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND…”

    6:26:27 A.M. When asked by Jimmy Kimmel who would win if he were to play Serena Williams, John McEnroe says he believes he would win.  We think he may be suffering from delusions from one of those side effects of that humiliating Toe Fungus Commercial he does.

    WE’RE PRETTY SURE THAT SERENA WOULD BEAT THIS FUNGUS LADEN FOOT AS WELL

    6:36:27 A.M. – Carl ‘Two Questions’ Jeffers is on, and we think that he may be renamed as ‘One Question’.  He believes that Trump is saying what’s on the minds of average Americans, but he’s sucking all of the air out of the political process with rhetoric that resonates with the common public because they feel disenfranchised by…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.    

    THE I-MAN WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO LEAVE THE STUDIO, GO DOWNSTAIRS, HAVE BREAKFAST, AND BRING BACK A CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE CARL STOPPED TALKING

    7:05:37 A.M. – The I-Man announces “You’ll be happy to know, Don Henley has a new album…it’s a Country Album called ‘Cass Country’.   We suppose this is going on the Power Rotation…which is GREAT news.  Because it means the Boss will stop playing the Jimmy Rabbit record.

    TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

    7:12:44 A.M. – The topic of ‘Anchor Babies’ comes up, and the allegation is that Donald Trump is racist as he believes they should be deported.  We are in favor of Anchor Babies.  Because without them…who is going to do the Baby News?

    “OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT…THE BINKY SHORTAGE IN TEL AVIV…”

    7:38:06 A.M. PSYCHOS or, as we like to call it, ‘Sidney Poitier and Jeffrey Dahmer In: Guess Who’s Gonna Be Dinner?’   Curtis is fed up with ‘Comrade Bill DeBlasio’ saying that the Guardian Angels are not needed to patrol the city, while just one stroll through Times Square offered a knock down drag out fist fight on 42nd Street, Homeless people laying prone like speed bumps on the sidewalks and junkies nodding out after coming back from scoring in Hell’s Kitchen.  In other words…just another Wednesday Night in the Apple. 

    CURTIS SURVEYING THE SQUARE ON THE ‘ANGEL TRON’

    7:39:56 A.M. – Curtis makes it painfully clear that he HATES ‘Straight Outta Compton’, and all concomitant violence and misogyny that goes along with it.  (Our words…we think he used ‘Moolah Shmoolah’ in place of ‘concomitant’)  Deirdre concurs, and is appalled at Donald Trump’s disrespectful treatment of women.  For which, somehow, she maintains is Alan’s fault.

    WE SUPPOSE THAT, IF SHE BEATS HIM HARD ENOUGH, HE WILL BREAK OPEN AND ORGANIC CANDY WILL FALL OUT

    7:41:38 A.M. – The D-Woman is still honked off about the Gender Neutral Bathrooms at Starbucks.  Alan doesn’t have a problem with them, which, Deirdre says, doesn’t surprise her because, in her estimation, not unlike the Hermaphrodites availing themselves of the Gender Neutral ‘Terlets’ (As Curtis Sliwa refers to them) Alan has no balls.

    HE’S GOING TO WRITE A BOOK…

    7:44:06 A.M. –Bernard is still on his crusade to destroy the Daily News’ crusade to ban the naked women from Times Square.  Which, come to think of it, might be the reason why Times Square has suddenly become the safest neighborhood in the city, as there are LOTS of curious Guardian Angels there…looking to protect those ladies of course.  California Condors don’t have that kind of protection. 

    HE’S NOT EXACTLY GUARDIAN ANGEL MATERIAL, BUT GUNZ IS ALSO BOYCOTTING THE DAILY NEWS’ CAMPAIGN…BECAUSE THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS HE WILL EVER GET TO A NAKED WOMAN

    8:05:16 A.M. –  The I-Man announces that Bernie will be hosting the program tomorrow, and “Nooooooooaaaaaaam Laden” will be doing the news, making fun of the way Noam, has made it a point to pronounce his name as TWO syllables, to avoid it sounding like he should be one of those little statues you see in people’s gardens.

    “GNOME?  OF COURSE!  WE WORK WITH HIM!”

    8:19:34 A.M. – Imus tells Warner that, during the upcoming Sports Report, he will be munching on a ‘Melted Cheese Sammich with Wickles on Sourdough Bread.’  Wickles, apparently, are hot pickles…and not small growths that hang off old peoples’ chins.

     

    THIS.                                               NOT THIS.

    8:25:11 A.M. – Former Portland Trailblazers Greg Oden will be playing with the Jiangsu Dragons of the CBA, the Chinese Basketball Association.  The 7 Foot Center will, effectively reduce all the other teams in the League to the Washington Generals, who lose every game to the Harlem Globetrotters, as there aren’t many Jeremy Lins or Yao Mings playing.

    ODEN AND ONE OF HIS NEW TEAM MATES

    8:39:43 A.M. – Jeff Greenfield, an old friend of the show, phones in to say that he finds the current Political Season so intriguing, he decided he needed to comment on it, and so has begun writing for ‘The Daily Beast’.  He observes that there is a subset of Americans who are fed up with the political process who are responsible for the continuing support for Donald Trump.  

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE ‘RUMP ROAST’

    OOPS!

    WE MEAN, THE ‘TRUMP ROAST’ 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF_ybKPD99E 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6ToZcZkVzE

    Wednesday
    Aug192015

    Happy Birthday Lis Wiehl!

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man, in Austin for adopted son Zach’s Navy Commission, was having a post-ceremony snack at the Four Seasons, and was approached by a fan who had the album cover from 1200 Hamburgers to Go as the Wallpaper on the Home Page of his Cell Phone.   There’s a movie about somebody like that.  It’s called “Misery”.

    “I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!  I ALSO HAVE THE COVER OF ‘THIS HONKY’S NUTS’ TATTOOED ON MY…WELL, NUTS.”

    6:08:56 A.M. – In the middle of talking about the problems he’s having with the Fax Machine in his Brenham Studio, we hear the following disturbing phrase.  “Wyatt?  Why are you walking around naked?”   It’s not, however, as disturbing as if Wyatt were to ask, “Dad?  Why are you walking around naked?”

    THANK GOD HE PUT SOME PANTS ON. 

    “HEY, I-MAN.  IS THAT A BULGE IN YOUR JOCKEYS?  OR IS IT JUST YOUR TRUSS?”

    6:20:40 A.M. – “Did you see O’Reilly last night with Trump?”  The I-Man asks.  “Are they dating?”  We don’t think so...

    “YOU KNOW BILL…YOU’RE TERRIFFIC.  YOU’RE FANTASTIC.  AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.”

    6:40:40 A.M. – Former CIA Field Operative, (At least he CLAIMS he’s ‘Former’) Mike Baker is on, phoning in from ‘Boise, Idaho’…which, we have reason to suspect, is code for ‘Safe House’.   He says he likes Trump’s honesty, but doesn’t see him getting the nomination.  He says pretty unequivocally that Trump won’t be ‘Getting the nomination.’  Which is sad for Mr. Trump, as he, apparently, believes he’s a ‘Shoe In’.   But, obviously, Mike knows something that we don’t know.  Or, Trump for that matter.  If we were him, we’d Google CIA and ‘Grassy Knoll.’

    MIKE BAKER, (IN DISGUISE AS A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN) DIVES TO PROTECT TRUMP JUST OFF DEALEY PLAZA

    7:15:37 A.M. – Today is Lis Wiehl’s birthday, and we want to send her our best wishes.  Fun Fact:  Her cake has so many candles on it…you can see it from Space.

    HAPPY 87TH BIRTHDAY, LIS!

    7:22:44 A.M. –  Bernie rails against Mayor Bill DeBlasio’s campaign to rid Times Square of the naked women who are charging tourists to take pictures with them.  We’re not sure why he’s targeting the lovely ladies…Elmo and Cookie Monster are both naked, and they’ve been taking photos in Midtown for years.

    WE THINK THE MAYOR SHOULD TAKE CARE OF ‘THE ELMO PROBLEM’ FIRST.

    7:39:06 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE, or, as we like to call it, 16   (a ‘10’ & a ‘6’)  The ladies discuss the Hillary Email fiasco, and whether or not she’ll be going to jail.   Lis thinks that she will be indicted for a misdemeanor, and just pay a fine.  Deirdre is hoping for the Death Penalty.

    THIS MAY BE WHAT YOU TECHNICALLY CALL, ‘OVERKILL’

    7:45:16 A.M. – When asked if either of them would consider taking a nude photo (as Sharon Stone has to prove that, despite being in her  50’s,  she’s still hot) Deirdre maintains that any woman can look great in a photo, because they can be enhanced digitally.  We beg to differ.

    LIS WIEHL, BEFORE ‘DIGITAL ENHANCEMENT’

    LIS WIEHL, AFTER PHOTO SHOP FILTERS

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man is lost in the Brenham Studio… Not ‘Lost’ as in ‘Doesn’t know where he is’, as he usually is when we say he’s ‘Lost’…but he’s kind of ‘Clueless’ as to how he can get his Fax Machine or Printer to work. He admits he  can’t change an ink cartridge.  Apparently, he’s not ‘Tech Savvy’.   As in ‘Can barely work a ball point pen.’

    “WHAT?  HUH?  YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP…I JUST GOT A NEW PHONE AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WORK IT!”

    8:15:11 A.M. – In Austin to celebrate Zach’s Commissioning, the I-Man sat at one of the Antique Desks in the Texas State House, which is modeled after the Congressional Chamber…and carved his initials in it.

    THE TEXAS STATE HOUSE IN AUSTIN WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

    DETAIL OF THE CIRCLED AREA OF THE PHOTO

    8:19:38 A.M.  El Chapo, Deirdre, who is still in studio, much to the I-Man’s chagrin, rails about the existence of ‘Gender Neutral’ bathrooms at the Starbuck’s in Austin.  It’s sort of like the ‘Mounds’ and ‘Almond Joy’ of Public Facilities.  ‘Sometimes you feel like a nut…sometimes you don’t.’

    THE RESTROOMS ARE DESIGNED TO ACCOMMODATE NOT ONLY MEN, WOMEN AND TRANSGENDERS…BUT PEOPLE WITH BIG FAT ASSES TOO

    8:40:43 A.M. –  Kinky Richard, Big Dick, Freidman and Corky, Mississippi Queen, The Drummer From Mountain, Laing, have both phoned in to promote their appearance at the  Bay Street Theater and Sag Harbor Center for the Arts, with a show they’re calling ‘Folked Up Rock’.   We suggest showing up late…in time to catch Kinky, while, mercifully, avoiding Corky.

    CORKY’S CONTRIBUTION TO ROCK N’ ROLL

    8:41:09 A.M. – Kinky will be, naturally, Kinky, displaying why he is the Musical Legend that he is, while Corky plans on doing ‘Sit Down Comedy’ from behind his drum kit, (Which, he says, he’s moved to the front of the stage because…well, let’s face it, he’s an innovator)

    “DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT BUDDY RICH, WHERE HE DIES AND GOES TO HEAVEN?  ST. PETER SAYS, ‘OH THAT’S GOD…HE THINKS HE’S BUDDY RICH’…IS THIS ON?  HELLO?  IS THIS ON?  THANK YOU, I’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK…UM…NO, ACTUALLY IT’S JUST ONE NIGHT…”

    8:43:26 A.M. – When the I-Man mentions to Corky that he will be performing sans his former bandmates, Corky says that only Felix Pappalardi has, much like their Band Name, Mountain, is now covered in dirt.  Leslie West, however, has merely lost his lower right leg to diabetes.  Which, although doesn’t really affect his guitar playing, makes hitting the ‘Wah Wah’ Pedal a little more challenging.

    COME TO THINK OF IT, IF LESLIE WAS ON THE SHOW, HE’D ALSO HAVE TO DO ‘SIT DOWN COMEDY’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN HONOR OF LIS WIEHL’S 87th…WE OFFER SOME CLASSIC

    ‘BIRTHDAY FAILS’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOHCNXYc0KI

    AND…

    LESLIE WEST SINGING ‘MISSISSIPPI QUEEN’

    (WHICH HE DIDN’T WRITE SO…HE REALLY DOESN’T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.   SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMhPgo2fofg