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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

 


Are We There Yet? By Deirdre Imus - The saying goes that with little kids you take trips, not vacations. A vacation is relaxing; a getaway involving children is usually anything but. Taking a trip therefore requires acknowledging that it’s no longer about what the adults want to do (occupy a lounge chair on a beach for three days straight, stroll through a museum, window-shop in Paris), but must include activities geared toward youngsters.  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Ranch Tacos - Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys -- I recommend using all organic non GMO ingredients.  Seitan is sometimes called wheat meat because it’s made from gluten, which is the protein component of wheat with the starch removed.  There are recipes for making it from scratch, which is pretty labor-intensive, but luckily you can also buy it ready-made at most health food stores.  We love these meaty and cheesy tacos.

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: DImusCenter@HackensackUMC.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

England humiliated as Iceland knock them out of Euro 2016 - The Scandinavian nation of just 330,000 people, by the far the smallest country to qualify for a European Championship, inflicted a shattering 2-1 defeating on England - the country that has been the model for Icelandic football for decades.

Kris Bryant hits 3 homers as Cubs, Arrieta beat Reds 11-8 - Bryant became the first major leaguer to hit three homers and two doubles in a game, and Jake Arrieta added a solo shot in the ballpark where he threw a no-hitter in April, setting up an 11-8 victory over the Cincinnati Reds on Monday night.

Wimbledon sensation Marcus Willis can count Roger Federer as a fan -  Marcus Willis had earned less than £225 ($292) in prize money this year and considered retiring as a player when qualification for The Championships was little more than a pipedream.

Katie Ledecky rules the pool on Day 2 of US Olympic Swimming Trials - On the second night of the U.S. Olympic Swimming Trials, the world's most dominant swimmer danced with the world record line, several more first-timers booked their tickets to Rio and a decorated veteran left us all wondering.

Recent Guests:
    Thursday
    Aug062015

    The Deirdre Detonation

    6:05:17A.M. – The I-Man assigns Connell the task of texting him during the debate, as he will be in Glen Rose Texas tonight, at a Rodeo with Wyatt and the D-Woman.  He might just regret that idea...

    THIS WILL BE MORE FUN THAN THE ACTUAL DEBATE...

    6:12:56 A.M. – Tonight will also be Jon Stewart’s final as host of The Daily Show, and will be succeeded by South African Comedian Trevor Noah, who, the I-Man predicts, will be “A Guaranteed Disaster.”   With Stewart gone, where are we going to get our News?  Connell? 

    HE COULDN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN THIS TREVOR NOAH DUDE.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Today is Ali’s first day as Associate Producer, Personal Assistant and Office Manager of Imus in the Morning World Headquarters.  We offer her the following advice:  ‘Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid.’ 

    MEGHAN HURLBUT:  “SCREW YOU GUYS...I’M GOING HOME...”

    6:40:27 A.M. Liz McDonald has phoned in, and because Ali has already screwed up, (Well, that didn’t take long…) as she neglected to send the I-Man the Bio Sheets for the guests, he has no idea what she does, and why she’s on the program this morning.  She’s only been on a thousand times.  Maybe it’s because the past few times she’s been promoting her book ‘SKIRTING HERESY: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MARGERY KEMP.’ … which is not exactly at the top of our Summer Reading List.  She says she’s written a screenplay.  Good.  We’ll wait for the movie, then.

    LIZ MCDONALD...A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO MARGERY KEMP

    7:15:37 A.M. – In the news, there’s a story about a 92 year old woman, who’s never voted in her life, who has announced that she will, indeed vote in the Next Presidential Election…for Donald Trump.  Which is…optimistic…to say the least.  Not that Mr. Trump won’t get the nomination…but that this old bag thinks she’ll still be around to pull the lever.

    “I DON’T LIKE THE F#@%ING MEXICANS EITHER.”

    7:16:32 A.M. – The I-Man texts T-Money to see if he’s brought the fans to Glen Rose to cool the horse stalls.  ‘T’ has gone ahead to take Marconi, Tupelo and Red Cloud, Wyatt’s roping horses, to the rodeo.  And if they like that, he’s going to take them to the movies tomorrow night. 

    THEN, AFTER THE MOVIE WAS OVER, THEY SNUCK INTO ANOTHER THEATER IN THE MULTIPLEX TO SEE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

    7:32:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II sets the bar so impossibly high, it’s difficult to believe that it will ever reach the level of insanity achieved this morning.  It begins with the I-Man complaining that his neck hurts, because, apparently, only 2 of the 6 pillows on the bed are MyPillows. 

    ‘DONNIE’, AND HIS LITTLE PALS, THE VERMONT TEDDY BEARS HE CALLS  ‘BRUCIE’ AND ‘MURRAY’ ARE READY TO GO ‘BA BA BLANKIE’

    7:38:09 A.M. – Curtis Sliwa gets Apoplectic over “Your Mayor, Alan B. Colmes… ‘Comrade’ De Blasio” who isn’t doing anything to address the problems of the Homeless.  It’s clear Curtis won’t be campaigning for Bill’s Re-Election.  He advises Hizzoner to stop “Smoking the Spliffs on the Back Porch.”   If Curtis keeps it up, we’re going to have to START smoking them.

    EDVARD MUNCH PREDICTED CURTIS’ OUTBURST

    AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT WE SAW AFTER WE SPARKED UP A FATTIE OF SOME BITCHIN’ ‘GHOST TRAIN #3’ KUSH

    7:40:16 A.M. – Alan Colmes is up next, and accuses the Republicans and Conservatives of editing the notorious ‘Planned Parenthood Video’… which is how it all began… What followed was as volatile as a Supernova.  Deirdre achieved Full On, In The Red Zone, China Syndrome, Meltdown Status.

    ALAN COLMES BEFORE THE DEIRDRE DETONATION

    AND AFTER THE DEIRDRE DETONATION

    7:44:35 A.M. – The girl can’t contain herself.  She is so passionate about her position, and is making her point in such an animated, intensely ferocious way that Ronda Rousey wouldn’t mess with her at this point.  She calls Alan a ‘Baby Killer’.  We’re not so sure we agree…but one thing’s for sure…we’re not going to disagree with her.  Not now.  Not ever.

    NOW, THIS IS A BABY KILLER.

    (BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO TELL DEIRDRE THAT)

    7:45:09 A.M. – After putting her mouth where her…well, mouth is…and walking the talk and talking the walk, Deirdre has made a case that is difficult to argue with…unless, of course, you’re Alan Colmes, who, we suspect, actually feels the same way about the subject as Deirdre does…and is just poking her with a stick to get a reaction, because it makes for great radio.  “I made Deirdre’s head explode?” he says… “…then my work is done here.” 

    THE IMUS’ AT A GALA FUNDRAISER FOR ALAN COLMES’ CHARITY,

     ‘LIBERAL LOSER BABYKILLERS OF AMERICA’

    8:07:34 A.M. – Former Mayor of New York City, Rudolph Giuliani is slated to be the 8:30 Guest…no doubt to comment on Curtis’ least favorite mayor, but…it appears that he cannot make his confirmed time slot.  “He better not be better dealing us…”the I-Man pronounces. 

    FROM WEBSTER’S  ‘PLAYGROUND SLANG & RECESS IDIOMS DICTIONARY’

    8:11:22 A.M. –  The I-Man commands Matt Meany, one of our ABC Researchers, to monitor all the…well, monitors in the newsroom, to see which show Giuliani has ‘Flat-Left’ us for.   We speculate on which program could possibly be more important than ours.

    IT COULDN’T BE THIS…OR COULD IT?

    8:16: 43 A.M. – Bernard is as upset with Mayor DeBlasio as Curtis is…especially because he missed the Press Conference about the Homeless and Legionnaires disease…to hang with Louis C.K.

    “SO…HERE’S WHAT I’M THINKING…YOU GIVE INFECT THE HOMELESS…WITH LEGIONNAIRES DISEASE…”

    8:24:09 A.M. – The word comes down the line that Mayor Giuliani can, indeed, join us at his pre-appointed time.  All is forgiven.  Which is something Bernard can’t seem to do when Connell reports that today is the 70th Anniversary of the Bombing of Hiroshima.  Bernie contends that Connell is being somber about the event…when, in fact, we killed 140 thousand people to save many more hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of Americans.  He points out that they were our Enemies in World War Two, and THEY STARTED IT.  And, besides that… ‘Look what they did to the China…’ referring of course, the rape, humiliation and torture they subjected the Chinese people during the siege at Nanking.  “Yeah, that was an icky deal…” Imus comments.  Way to put it in perspective, Boss.  Of course, this discussion has made Mayor Giuliani’s appearance a moot point.  There’s no time for him now. 

    YEAH, THESE GUYS LOOK LIKE THEY’RE WILLING TO LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

     8:36:12 A.M. – Now Giuliani can’t do it again…and we find out why.  He’s on CNN.  OH NO HE DI-INT.

      

    BREAKING NEWS: THIS JUST IN...

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SPEAKING OF HORSES...AND THE MOVIES

    HERE IS REX PETERSON

    HOLLYWOOD HORSE TRAINER

     

    “I’VE DONE A VARIETY OF THINGS WITH HORSES.”

    OH, WE BET YOU HAVE, REX...WE BET YOU HAVE. 


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=holFimz2MK0 

     

     

    Wednesday
    Aug052015

    The Candido Bandito

    6:05:12 A.M. –  The I-Man is in a good mood, and, no doubt, it has something to do with the fact that John Kasich is in, but Rick Perry is out in the BIG debate tomorrow.  He’s sympathetic to Perry’s plight, “…and he spent all that money on those glasses to look smart…and Kasich just announced 20 minutes ago.”   How great is this?

    SCHADENFRAUDE.  IT’S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANY MORE.

    6:18:56 A.M. – Deirdre has entered the studio in Brenham, and she sneezes.  It sounds disturbingly similar to a gunshot.  Which…to be honest, would not be a surprise to any of us.  We often think that each morning could be the one when she can’t take it anymore and just…snaps.

    “NO.  YOU GET ME A CUP OF COFFEE, HOW DOES THAT SOUND, COWBOY?”

    6:20:44 A.M. – Warner does a story about Texas Rangers’ Prince Fielder, hitting his 16th Home Run of the Season, but calls him ‘Fat Fielder’.   It’s sad.  Warner has lowered himself to Body Shaming.

    ACUTALLY…WARNER MAY HAVE SOMETHING THERE…

    6:40:27 A.M. Hannah Storm phones in, and the I-Man discusses how he can take a ‘Rooting Interest’ in almost any sport.   It makes us wonder if he could muster any interest in Cockfighting.  Although it might confuse him…and he’d ultimately wind up being disappointed.

    “HEY!  WAIT A MINUTE!  YOU MEAN IT’S…CHICKENS?”

    7:06:37 A.M.  The I-Man says it’s going to be 104 degrees in Brenham today, and currently, the humidity is at 97%.  This only makes us wonder why he chooses to purchase ranches in areas of the United States that have THE WORST WEATHER ON THE PLANET. A Cattle Ranch in New Mexico at 6200 feet, a Horse Ranch in the Sauna known as Texas… why not just open a Buffalo Ranch…in BUFFALO?

    “I’M GONNA STAMPEDE RIGHT THROUGH THAT COWBOY SUMBITCH’S LIVING ROOM…IT’S F%$#ING COLD!”

    7:26:44 A.M. –  During the Briefing, Bernie plays a clip from Pastor Manning…you remember him…he was the one who, six years ago, said Obama wasn’t the ‘Anti-Christ’…he was the ‘Next Hitler’.  He’s since revised his comments…now The President is merely an ‘Evil Spirit’ and the ‘Son of Satan’.  These Statements go a long way to prove the validity of his claims that Starbucks puts…Semen in their Latte’s.  Which, up until now, we only thought was ‘Foam’.  We already know that they used to put Urine in the I-Man’s coffee.

    AND ALL THIS TIME WE JUST ASSUMED THEY WERE PAINTING AN OLIVE BRANCH

    7:33:06 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE  or, as we like to call it, ‘The Before and After  Photo For Botox’.   We look forward to another Deirdre Ass Whuppin’ on Lis, but…the Lovely Ms. Wiehl has phoned in rather than appear in the studio, and the phone line keeps dropping the call.   This sets off Deirdre, who gets so incensed by Lis’ ‘Unprofessionalism’, we’re actually glad she’s not in the studio, the D-Woman would have gone all Ronda Rousey on the girl.

    THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A BRUISE

    7:35:07 A.M. – Lis’ absence allows the D-Woman unrestrained ability to bring the crazy.  And that, she does.  It starts with Ben Affleck hosing the Nanny, a topic for which she says Lis would say, ‘It’s okay…he’s a nice guy.’  Deirdre doesn’t know why someone would hire an attractive Nanny to babysit their children.  Well…because he’s a movie star…with a lot of money.  What’s he supposed to do?  Hire a beast?

    BEN SHOULD’VE CALLED HER

    7:39:22 A.M. –  Before the segment is over, she will blame Lis for everything from the breakup of the Beatles to being on the Grassy Knoll.    Bernie fills in for the absent Ms. Wiehl…so, this morning, it’s technically ‘Blonde on Bald’.

    “BERNIE…YOU IGNORANT SLUT!”

    7:50:16 A.M. – Unfortunately, the segment comes to an end without Lis answering the best question of the day… ‘What would you consider to be a good looking penis.’  “One that’s pointing towards her…” says Deirdre.  From Downtown.

     

    “GOODNESS!  HOW DID YOU FIND ME?”

    8:07:34 A.M. –  It’s Nat Candido’s Birthday today, and because he’s a fan of Billy Joel’s the I-Man will play ‘For the Longest Time’, one of Nat’s Five Favorite Songs.  Between the Mets being in 1st place and Billy Joel closing the Nassau Coliseum with a sold out show last night, Mr. Candido might not even be vertical enough to get loaded for his 32nd Natal Anniversary.

    THE CANDIDO BANDITO.  CELEBRACION.

    8:15:11 A.M. – The I-Man mentions that today is Associate Producer, Personal Assistant and Office Manager of Imus in the Morning World Headquarters, Meghan Hurlbut, will be leaving the fold today.   He gives her quite a sendoff, with a tribute that is worthy of a Saint.  She’s been great for four years in the Service of the Imus Family, and will be dearly missed.  She will be replaced by Ali Zubowski, who we used to work with back at Fox, and we are currently taking bets for the Over/Under before she makes her first suicide attempt.  We only have one question:  Did she help Meghan build the tunnel?

    DIAGRAM OF THE ELABORATE SYSTEM HURLBUT USED TO GAIN HER FREEDOM.  IT ONLY TOOK HER FOUR YEARS.  BUT IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND.

    8:19:58 A.M. – Billy Joel closed the pit known as Nassau Coliseum last night with a final concert, at which, all of his Long Island Fans were in attendance.  Two of whom were interviewed by the Long Island Paper of Record, Newsday.  They were…well, quite enthusiastic, pumped up for the show…but not exactly the kind of person who you might think would ever get to ‘Final Jeopardy’.   In fact, they both sound like they just may have brought the collective IQ of the Nassau Coliseum down to a single digit.

    YOU MAY WANT TO GET SOME PURELL ON YOUR HANDS ASAP, WILLIAM.

    8:39:43 A.M. – Frank Rich, of the New York Times and, most recently, of the hit HBO Series ‘Veep’ for which he is a producer, was formerly the ‘Butcher of Broadway’  Combining both his areas of expertise, the I-Man asks Frank “If you were to pitch the current Republican Presidential Candidates as a Broadway Musical, would anybody buy into it?”  Frank says, essentially, it’s even too outrageous for the Great White Way.  Although we think Senator Lindsey Graham would be quite adept at performing Fosse ‘Jazz Hands’.

    “ONE…SINGULAR SENSATION…EVERY LITTLE MOVE HE MAKES…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE AFOREMENTIONED ‘UBER FANS’ AND THEIR FELLOW BILLY JOEL AFFICIANADOS AND SOME CLIPS FROM HIS 32ND CONCERT,

    AND THE FINAL, AT NASSAU COLISEUM

     

     

    http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/music/billy-joel/billy-joel-s-final-nassau-coliseum-concert-movin-out-just-the-way-you-are-on-the-setlist-1.10704111 

    Tuesday
    Aug042015

    Happy Birthday Deirdre Imus AND Connell McShane!

    6:03:12 A.M. – Today is Connell’s Birthday, as well as the D-Woman’s, President Obama’s and Billy Bob Thornton’s.  We’d like to officially thank all of their parents for having unprotected sex, resulting in their collective presence on the planet.  Except for President Obama.  We’re sure they don’t have condoms in Kenya.  All these people have something the I-Man doesn’t have:  Social Security Numbers with 9 digits.

    WE WANT TO KNOW WHO ARE THE THREE WHO ARE OLDER THAN HE

    6:11:22 A.M. –  Connell tells us that it’s his 38th Birthday.   The I-Man can’t remember what he was doing when HE was 38.  We’re not sure why he’s so amazed by this fact, he can’t remember what he was doing AN HOUR AGO.  Which would explain his penchant for repetition...you know, where he says the same thing over and over and goes around and around like the drum on a clothes dryer.  But then again, he was born at night.  Just not last night.

    CONNELL’S FAMILY PHOTO TAKEN 36 YEARS AGO ON HIS 2ND BIRTHDAY

    6:28:56 A.M. – Bernard plays a clip of Amy Schumer on The Daily Show, where she addressed the tragedy that occurred in Louisiana at a showing of her hit movie ‘Trainwreck’.   “It’s a bummer.”   Wow.  Good for you, Amy!  Really stuck your neck out on that one.  That took a lot of courage.   You could’ve said something inappropriate like “It’s an Icky Deal.”  Because that would be like Mary Todd Lincoln asking for a refund of her ticket for ‘Our American Cousin’…because the show ended early. 

    ON LOAN, COURTESY OF THE LINCOLN MUSEUM

    6:40:27 A.M. Rice University History Professor Douglas Brinkley is the guest, and he says that he’s been travelling the Southwest with his family this Summer, and has been to Monument Valley, a place where they I-Man says he’s must have been “Fifty Times.”  Don’t you hate it when you tell somebody something and right away they make it about THEM?   Professor Brinkley should be ashamed of himself…he feels it necessary to say that he is also a huge fan of Doug Sahm and the Sir Douglas Quintet.  So at least there’s two of them.

    THE SOUTHWEST IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT SINCE THE LAST TIME

    THE I-MAN WAS THERE

    7:08:37 A.M.  The question of whether or not, due to the high levels of bacteria in the waters in Rio De Janeiro, it will be safe for Athletes competing in the 2016 Summer Olympics.  The I-Man says he’s looking forward to watching the sailing, canoeing and swimming events…and seeing a “Big Ol’ Turd” float by.

    RELAX.  IT’S ONLY A BABY RUTH BAR.

    7:13:26 A.M. –  Responding to Jeb Bush’s boasting about his accomplishments as the Former Governor of Florida, the I-Man says “Florida shouldn’t even be a State.” At least now we know why it looks like America’s ‘Dick’.

    IRONIC, CONSIDERING THE JEWISH POPULATION IN FLORIDA, THAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S UNCIRCUMSIZED

    7:16:06 A.M. – The I-Man wonders aloud which of the moderators on Thursday Night’s Republican Candidate Debate will take a shot at Donald Trump.  Of the three, Megyn Kelley, Bret Baier and Chris Wallace, Imus believes that Mr. Wallace has the most potential, seeing as he has a lot of his snarky, crotchety, Dad in him.  Imus suggests that in an interview, Daddy Mike would sneak up behind you and go upside your head.   We can see where Chris could easily go all ‘What Do You Mean You’re Out Of Meatloaf???’ on him.

    7:20:40 A.M. – In observing that some people are so fat they lose sight of their genitals, the I-Man comes up with a new, (and, quite frankly, in our opinion, BRILLIANT) slogan for the Nuvo FAT Loss Sponsor:  “Go to Nuvo Fat Loss…and Find Your Dick.”  If THAT’S not a motivator to get you to lose weight…nothing is.

     

    7:33:40 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE on its new day, with Imogen Lloyd Webber, Michael Riedel, and the Woman of the Hour, The Birthday Girl, Deirdre Imus!  Imogen begins, wondering why people flocked to see Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation last weekend, when the Documentary, ‘Going Clear’, paints him as a certifiable Wack Job.  Well, it DID receive a 93% rating on  ‘Rotten TomAHtoes’.  Gee, she sure does talk purty.   Riedel is a fan of ‘Old-School’ pre-Scientology Cruise…when he lip-synched and danced in his underwear to Bob Seger’s ‘Old Time Rock N’ Roll.’ In ‘Risky Business.’  Riedel admits he was inspired to dance in HIS Tidy Whities when he was a teenager.  Except instead of Bob Seger, it was ABBA.

    “I CAN HEAR THE GUNS…FERNANDO…”

    7:34:18 A.M. – The D-Woman says that “Royal Family is going down.”  Obviously, she’s referring to their not being as popular as they once were in the eyes of Americans, however, Bill Clinton, listening to the Imus in the Morning Program in Chappaqua…makes a mental not to call ‘That little Tart Kate Middleton.’

    “EXCUSE ME, DUCHESS, BUT DID YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT IN YOUR HANDS?”

    8:05:10 A.M. – Deirdre tells a funny story about going to the market yesterday with Wyatt and Zach to pick up the Birthday Cake she ordered, and the woman behind the counter wanted to know if the three of them were siblings.  “Do I look Black?”  Wyatt asked.  “Do I look White?”  added Zach.  “Do I look THAT YOUNG?” Deirdre said. Yes.  In fact, you do.  But then again, Jessica Tandy would look young if she were standing next to the I-Man.  Which she’s not.  Because she’s dead.

    THE NEW MOD SQUAD

    8:15:11 A.M. – Deirdre reveals that she had 75 candles on the I-Man’s birthday cake, at his insistence.  Brenham Meteorologists noted there was a 4 Degree increase in temperature for about 45 seconds.

    WE WISH WE COULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  NOT SO MUCH TO CELEBRATE WITH THE I-MAN, BUT TO WATCH IT TAKE HIM AN HOUR TO BLOW THEM OUT BECAUSE OF HIS BREATHING

    8:22:44 A.M. – Warner has a tough time pronouncing the name ‘Yoenis Cespedes’, which, the I-Man notes, makes it sound like he’s “A Greek Philosopher.”

    CESPEDES.  ALMOST AS WISE AS HIS CONTEMPORARIES, DIABETES AND TRICHINOSIS

    8:45:09 A.M. – Mary Matalin is on, and she sounds like she has a cold.   Uh….huh.  Sounds like she’s got herself some bad blow again.  When the I-Man asks her if Donald Trump can get the nomination, there is a long pause followed by “People like his Testicular Fortitude.”  Which, her husband James Carville would just go ahead and say ‘Balls.’

    AN IMPRESSIVE SACK.  IT’S A WONDER HE CAN STILL WALK

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE LEGEND.  ONCE AGAIN.

    THIS IS RELEVANT, DUE TO THE I-MAN’S NEW SLOGAN FOR NUVO FAT LOSS

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_C-iTmAWQQ

    Monday
    Aug032015

    Zach Cates, Top Gun

    6:06:12 A.M. –Bernie was wrong about Ronda Rousey getting whupped.  He maintains that her opponent, Bethe Correia, landed a bunch of blows early in the bout.  The fight lasted 34 seconds.  That must’ve been a furious first seven seconds…

    RONDA TEACHES BERNIE A LESSON

    6:08:56 A.M. – The I-Man says he likes Debra Valentine, who is filling in for a vacationing Noam Laden, the host of the program before ours.  He is partial to her enthusiasm and the fact that she wishes everyone a fabulous day and a fabulous week. 

     

    6:22:44 A.M. – The Mets had an incredible weekend, sweeping the Nationals, and tying for 1st place.  The I-Man happened to catch a few seconds of the game and noticed that everybody in the stands looked like Nat Candido.

    “OKAY!  OCTOBER, BRO!”

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo Dietl is upset because statistics indicate that crime is down…but not according to what he sees.  He says New York is like ‘Night of the Living Dead’.  We’re a little concerned about Bo’s eyesight.  He’s no longer seeing in color.

    “YOU ZOMBIANICS ARE GOING TO GET DEAD-ATATED…UM…MORE DEAD-ATATED…COS’ YOU’RE ALEADY DEAD-A-TATED”

    6:42:33 A.M. Imus asks Bo about his thoughts on the Cecil the Lion controversy.  Bo says he likes ‘Lions and Tigers and Bears’  (oh my) and he’s not in favor of killing animals.  After the interview, Bo goes to Pierre’s in Bridgehampton for his daily breakfast of Steak and Eggs.  

    IT’S NOT THAT WE’RE VEGAN OR ANYTHING…BUT WE’RE NOT CRAZY ABOUT OUR BREAKFAST LOOKING BACK AT US

    7:15:37 A.M. –  The I-Man has promised us an inspirational story and cannot wait to tell it.   It’s about Zach Cates, the amazing young man who came to the Imus Ranch for Kids With Cancer when he was 10 years old, and eventually became a Kid Wrangler.  When both Zach's adopted parents died, The I-Man, Deirdre and Wyatt made him part of the Imus family, unofficially adopting him themselves. He’s been with them ever since then, all the way through to graduation from the University of Texas at Austin, where he has been a Midshipman in the US Navy Reserve, as part of UT’s ROTC Program. He is such a part of the famiy that he even calls Mr. and Mrs. Imus ‘Mom and Dad’. (And, like his brother Wyatt, even calls the I-Man ‘A-Hole’ under his breath as they both know the cranky cowboy is deaf.)  Zach’s goal was to go to flight school to become a Navy Aviator, and, as the embodiment of Winston Churchill's credo to "Never never never never give up" surmounted the myriad obstacles placed in his path by the hand of fate and idiotic bureaucrats who attempted to keep him from achieving his dream. Enter Navy War Hero Senator McCain, not unlike the Imus Family and anyone who has ever met Zach, could tell what an extraordinary human being he is.  Senator McCain cleared up all the BS red tape so that Zach could get the opportunity he deserved. It’s a story that gives you a little more hope for humanity.  Sidebar:  When Zach introduces the I-Man and D-Woman as his mom and dad, it usually results in bemused mouths agape...as Zach is an African American. Deirdre always defuses the situation by informing the confused “He looks just like his father.”   

    ZACH CATES…TOP GUN

    7:26:43 A.M. –  Warner and Tony reveal that they both saw the #1 Movie at the Box Office this weekend:  Mission Impossible.  They both enjoyed it, and Warner was especially impressed by the supporting cast that included “Jerry Render …from ‘Foot Locker’ ”.   He means Jeremy Renner from ‘Hurt Locker’.  But we know what he’s trying to say.

     

     

    WHAT’S REALLY IMPOSSIBLE IS GETTING A PAIR OF ‘AIR YEEZY’S

    FOR LESS THAN 6 GRAND

    7:34:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS begins with a discussion about American Pharoah being run at Monmouth over the weekend.  Tony maintains that Bob Baffert, the Horse’s trainer, should be the ‘Douche of the Week.’  In that, Pharoah has nothing left to prove, he won the Triple Crown, and shouldn’t risk breaking a leg in some dopey race while he has years of retirement and availing himself of a superfluity of Horsey Poontang.  His only job should be slinging his Thoroughbred Baby Batter.

    “HEY!  WHERE ALL THE WHITE FILLIES AT?”

    7:45:16 A.M. – Douche of the Week, this week is, hands down, Hulk Hogan. For using the ‘N Word’.  (And we don’t mean ‘NATURE BOY’ Ric Flair)

    “HOLD ON A SECOND, MUTHAFU##A…WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?”

    8:05:11 A.M. – Connell announces that tomorrow is his birthday.  Really, McShane?  You and 20 million others, including Deirdre Imus and the President.  Which one of you three does anyone give a &^%$ about?   It’s really sad that you have to announce this fact, as it’s an obvious cry for help due to a desperate need for attention.  Suck it up, pretty boy.  So you can finally drink beer legally.  Big deal.

    NOW CONNELL CAN WEAR HIS ‘BIG BOY’ PANTS

    8:18:36 A.M. – The I-Man reveals that he HATES the two dudes who do the Sonic Commercial’s.  AND, he also hates Flo from the Progressive Insurance Spots.  They are on the list of Annoying Advertisements along with the 1-877-Kars for Kids commercials…and the ‘This is your brain on drugs’ campaign.  Which, for years, the I-Man thought were promos for the National Egg Council.

    THIS IS YOUR BRAIN

    THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

      THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS WITH SAUSAGE AND HOME FRIES

    8:22: 43 A.M. – The I-Man’s aforementioned ire over ads may have something to do with learning that Jared from Subway might be a Bonafide, Foot - Long Freak.  The fact that Jared wasn’t fully vetted, leads the boss to tell us how he does extensive background checks on everyone he hires, because  “You don’t want to find yourself in a position where you’re screaming at someone like Richard Pryor… “Boy…put your…dick back in your pants.  Don’t nobody want to be seeing that, let alone when they’re trying to eat breakfast.”

    “HEY JARED…I’LL GIVE YOU FIVE DOLLARS FOR YOUR FOOTLONG.”

    8:40:09 A.M. – Bernie Goldberg starts his phone call by reading the lyrics from a song that, he says, was written by Kris Kristofferson.  It’s clear that Kris was not the composer of this insipid ditty.  It starts out, ‘Ain’t no more John Waynes out there.’  No sh*t Sherlock.  Based on these lame lyrics we’d have to surmise that there ain’t no more John Lennons either. We just wish that Mark David Chapman was Bernie Goldberg’s biggest fan.

    “ALL WE ARE SAYING…IS GIVE B A CHANCE…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    “Boy…put your dick…back in your pants…”

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8t8VtGsYug

    Friday
    Jul312015

    Sans not Sands, You Moron!

    6:06:12 A.M. – Bernard hosts this morning, and introduces the program is ‘Sans The I-Man’.  A term, with which, Gunz is NOT acquainted.  Not much of a vocabulary there on that boy.  He thinks it means that Imus is ‘At the Beach’.  Um…it’s not ‘Sands’, you moron.  It’s ‘Sans’, the French word for ‘Without’.  As in… ‘Gunz is SANS  a clue’.  Or, more fittingly ‘SANS a woman.’

    MONSIEUR GUNZLEMAN N'A JAMAIS EU DES RELATIONS SEXUELLES AVEC UN AUTRE. AUTRE QUE LUI-MÊME !

    (COPY AND PASTE INTO YOUR FAVORITE FRENCH/ENGLISH TRANSLATOR)

    6:17:44 A.M. – Warner reports that the Mets ‘Blew a 7-1 lead against the Padres.’   Frankly, the words ‘Blew’ and ‘Padre’ in the same sentence make us a little uncomfortable.  No disrespect to Father Jonathan.

    “EVEN JESUS THINKS THE METS SUCK…”

    6:25:27 A.M. Bernie breaks out the horns.  And, we don’t mean he’s a Satanist…he’s playing the always annoying Vuvuzela to welcome the weekend.  Now we know why most people in this country hate soccer.

    NOT THIS  KIND OF HORNS…

    THIS KIND OF HORN

    “SHOUT OUT TO BILL EVANS…I SEE YOU BILL!”

    6:45: 09 A.M.  Phoning in from the State Capitol, Fred Dicker, New York Post columnist and radio ‘personality’…yes, we use the word ‘personality’ somewhat facetiously, as he’s on Talk 1300 AM in Albany from 10 -11 A.M.  Which, in the world of Radio Gigs, is like being the clown who follows the Elephant with the bucket and shovel.  

    GIVEN THE CHOICE…WHICH WOULD YOU PICK?

    “IT’S A DIRTY JOB, BUT… AT LEAST I HAVE MORE PRIDE THAN DE BLASIO”

    6:47: 18 A.M.  Bernard asks Fred what he thinks of the ‘Homeless Situation’ here in the city, and Mr. Dicker compares it to the ‘Days of Dinkins.’  Where the Homeless Roamed like Buffalo on the Prairie….where, sometimes, the ground would tremble with the sounds of hundreds of thousands of feet stampeding towards the Methadone Clinic.

    “I…LOVE A PARADE…”

    7:15:37 A.M.  For some reason, which, we must have immediately put out of our minds like a ‘Hidden Memory’ of an abused Altar Boy, the phrase ‘Warner has needs.’ Is uttered by Bernie.  Although we can’t bring ourselves to conjure that particular image…we assume that half a tuna sandwich is somewhere in the picture.

    “HOT DOGEEE…”

    7:30:06 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or, as we like to call it OH, SHUT UP, RIEDEL Deirdre’s upset with Jennifer Beals, who while filming in Vancouver, left her dog locked in her car.

    * CANINE – ENGLISH TRANSLATION: 

    “HEY.  FLASHDANCE. LEMME ASK YOU SOMETHING, BITCH…

    IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO CRACK A F#CKING WINDOW?”

    WELL, AT LEAST MS. BEALS WILL BE COOL

    7:44:16 A.M. – Riedel predicts the upcoming James Bond film will be the BIGGEST ever, despite the fact that Daniel Craig doesn’t wear a tuxedo as well as Roger Moore.  Roger Moore.  ROGER F%$&ING MOORE!  He’s like the ADAM WEST of James Bonds.  Which, if were the case, ‘Catwoman’ would technically be ‘Pussy Galore’

    “THE NAME’S WAYNE…BRUCE…WAYNE.”

    7:45:16 A.M. –  Imogen defends British Actress Cara Delevingne who, accused for being difficult during an insipid interview on some Sacramento Morning Show to promote her new film ‘Paper Town’, was merely being ‘sarcastic.’  The interviewer obviously didn’t  ‘get’ the Sarcasm, which, according to Imogen, is the purview of the British…and Delevingne employed it reacting to the host of the program calling her ‘Carla’ instead of her actual name, ‘Cara’.   Imogen also comments on the disappointing ratings for the Premiere Episode of Caitlyn Jenner’s Reality Series..     Um…let’s just say it’s not just the ratings that are ‘soft’.

    “NO…NO, NO, NO….HELL NO.  THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE ON…”

    8:07:34 A.M. – Bernie makes the observation that the attacks leveled against Trump have not stuck to him…thereby making him the next ‘Teflon Don’, like John Gotti. 

    HOPEFULLY, WE WILL NEVER HAVE TO HEAR THE WORDS ‘YOU WON’T HAVE DONALD TRUMP TO KICK AROUND ANY MORE.’

    8:15:11 A.M. – Looks like Warner has gotten the keys to the Production Studio again this morning…he’s been like Casey Kasem…playing his Song Snippets as actualities during the Sports Reports.  Unfortunately, they’re all hits from when he was a Young, Sportscasting Upstart.  In other words, they’re Gregorian Chants.

    “C’MON, FELLAS…LET’S DO ‘CANTUS SAINT GREGORII’!

    AND THIS TIME, BROTHER PAUL, LET’S PICK UP THE TEMPO…”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin, New York Post Columnist and Fox News Contributor discusses ‘Mayor Putz’ as he’s dubbed DeBlasio…who, Bernard calls ‘Bolshevik Bill’…and his feud with Governor Andrew Cuomo.  The Mayor, noticeably absent from the Press Conference announcing the Multi - Billion Dollar LaGuardia Airport  Re-Building Project...a curious and bemusing act by ‘Big Bird’, (As Bo Dietl calls him) as the Airport, as it is, after all, named after a NYC Mayor.  His excuse:  He doesn’t go to events to which he’s not invited…which means he won’t be in the audience at the next Bill O’Reilly show taping either.  Mr. Goodwin maintains that the mayor lacks the ‘Grit’ to sit down and take care of the homeless problem.  We assume he expects DeBlasio to stand by the Fountain in Columbus Circle, handing out towels, combs and breath spray.

    “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GUM, SIR?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING TO PROVE, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT CARROT TOP 

    WOULD BE A BETTER JAMES BOND

    THAN ROGER MOORE…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t10mNXtfdUw