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Deirdre's Corner

 Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning!

Congress must make Chemical Safety Act live up to its name

by Deirdre Imus - The Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety Act for the 21st Century has a nice ring to it. Named for the late, longtime New Jersey Senator who passed away in 2013, the bill, championed in the Senate by Republican David Vitter and Democratic Tom Udall, would reform the Toxic Substances Control Act of 1976 (TSCA). It is a shame that both the current and proposed legislation fall far short of their lofty names, and that countless Americans have suffered, are suffering, will suffer as a result.  Read more...

Deirdre Imus on Your World with Neil Cavuto - Little Caesars now selling pizza with bacon-wrapped crust

 

An Angry Father's Guide To The Measles Vaccine 

Be informed. Please. I wish I had, 10 years ago, and my life and my family’s life would be much different today. I don’t want you to agree with me, I don’t need you to agree with me, and I don’t need you to change any of your plans, but I hope you’ll listen to what I have to say so you have more information to make the right choice for your son or daughter. Read more...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Monday
    Apr282014

    Bo Dietl Style Math

    6:05:10 a.m. –  Imus mentions that he couldn’t remember the name of the host on that new show on HBO Sunday Nights.  It’s John Oliver, of whom, he is allegedly a huge fan.  But Mr. Oliver shouldn’t feel slighted.  He couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant he ate in on Saturday night either.  It was Primola.  But they shouldn’t feel bad…he couldn’t remember the name on the reservation either.  Even though it was his.

     “UM…IT’S AMOS…OR…ANIMUS…OR…ARTEMIS…SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I DON’T REMEMBER, LOOK IT UP, STUPID.”

    6:07:14 a.m. –  Warner was one of the ones who made ‘The Other Woman’ number one at the Box Office this weekend.  He giggles as he tells everyone he went to see it by himself…and there was a lot of T&A in it.  If you had Warner with a Woody at the Multiplex…YOU WON!

    WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS ‘A FAN OF KATE UPTON’S’ WARNER REPLIED ‘YES, BOTH OF THEM’.

    6:35:07 a.m. – Bo Dietl is in to talk about…well, we’re not sure, as he’s not on yet, but we’re sure it will be a measured, understated, sensible, insightful take on some insignificant matter.   The Boss says he’s got a funny book for Bo.  Todd Snider’s   ‘I Never Met A Story I Didn’t Like’.   Bo says he doesn’t read.  Imus says that he picked it up and then read the whole thing in one sitting. Bo says he bicycled 18 miles through Central Park yesterday.  “I wasn’t sitting inside reading, I was out in the fresh air getting exercise.”   He says he went around the path “Once…six miles…twice…18 miles…”  “Um…twice would be 12 miles, Bo.”  “Right...three times 18  miles.”  Obviously Bo isn’t all that good at Math.

    BO, ENJOYING A LEISURELY ‘RIDE IN THE PARK’

    6:43:07 a.m. –  Bo has his usual Obama rant, this time he brought statistics.  60% says that “The President Lies Most of the Time”  37% say “He’s Untruthful”.  17% say that “The President Fibs”  Wow.  Bo REALLY ISN’T that good at Math.

    BO’S PIE CHART HAS AN EXTRA SLICE.  THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE PIE

    7:18:36 a.m. – The Boss ruminates about how sleazy our Sales Department is…the My Pillow offer ‘Exclusive For Imus in the Morning Listeners’ is now being touted by Curtis Sliwa as the  ‘Made Special for Us’ My Pillow.   It must be a different offer.  The Curtis Sliwa ‘My Pillow’ must come with a Red Beret.

    THE CURTIS SLIWA ‘MY PILLOW’ IT’S NOT QUITE AS STUPID AS HE IS

    7:39:34 a.m. – ‘It Might Be Elvis’.  The I-Man plays a bunch of songs that the panel of 40 listen to and decide if they deserve to be in the ‘Imus in the Morning Power Rotation’.  Rest assured that the panel did not deserve the aural abuse they experienced with the Boss’s musical choices.  We can see Guantanamo eschewing Water Boarding in favor of playing the ‘Five Seconds Of Summer’ video. 

    “WHERE DO I SIGN THE CONFESSION?”

    8:05:10 a.m. – Imus notes that his voice is ‘thin’.  It’s a little weak, because he’s only on 900 calories a day, as he’s trying to go from a portly 162 pounds down to a svelte 152.  There are crackheads who weigh more than that.  KAREN CARPENTER would say, “Hey Pops!  Have a sandwich!”

    “HEY DEIRDRE, DO THESE SHORTS MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT?”

    8:17:24 a.m. – The I-Man has been meditating for a long time, but still losing his temper.  Connell suggests that when something happens that he would normally lose his temper over, the Boss should recognize that ‘These things happen.  And they will, more than likely, continue to happen.’  Imus has an Epiphany.  A real ‘Lightbulb Moment’, and resolves to no longer get angry when Brant drives from Central Park West to 47th Street by way of Pittsburgh, he sees on the log that he has to read another f&^%ing ‘My Pillow’ spot…or Rob…just looks at him.  Serenity now!

    THE OLD I-MAN

      

    THE NEW I-MAN

    YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE DIFFERENCE

    8:20:40 a.m. – Warner discusses the controversy concerning LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling, and whether the player could’ve made a stronger statement considering the team is predominantly made up of minorities, except for Hedo Turkoglu.  Um…Warner?  Hedo’s from Turkey…how many Turks do you know who are playing in the NBA?

    KARAMAT CETINKAYA, POWER FORWARD FOR THE ISTANBUL GOATHERDS

    8:36:14 a.m. – Juan Williams is on and tells the I-Man that his wife was carjacked at a gas station.  Of course, the first thing Imus wants to know is… “Was the car running?”  Not… “Is she okay?”  or  “Was anyone hurt?”  or “Did you lose anything valuable?”  Just “They tell you that the three things you shouldn’t do when you get gas is smoke, use your cellphone, or keep your car running.”   We would add to that list “Buy sushi”.  We learned the hard way.

    TRUST US.  YOU’D RATHER GET CARJACKED.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    Abbott and Costello With Their Classic Routine

    About ‘Bo Dietl Style’ Math

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnICFjDn97o

     

    Friday
    Apr252014

    A Bad Hair Day

    6:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man opens the program by saying, “I’m not going to try and tell you that my hair looks good this morning…I know it’s hideous…but…it is what it is.”  His hair is...well, let’s just say he’s sporting the full on, Bea Arthur ‘do this morning.

    THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND…

    6:07:14 a.m. –  Lou tries to throw Dagen off her game with his Hillbilly Character…she says “It takes a Ball Gag to get me to shut up.”   T.M.I., McDowell.  But, in the hopes that it will indeed help us ‘Put a cork in it’, we did order one from the ‘S&M Mall.com’

    DESPITE THE EXTRA EQUIPMENT, SHE STILL DIDN’T SHUT UP

    6:17:34 a.m  –  Imus notices that Carley is not in the studio this morning…and, according to him, she didn’t do a good job explaining to Allie what her responsibilities are…so he has to tell her.  Along with his ‘Mama T’ story, his Jesus and Moses playing golf joke, and his anecdote about the sheep and the condoms.  Allie attempts to drink Drano.  And it’s not even 6:30 yet.

    ANOTHER THING CARLEY FORGOT TO EXPLAIN…THE DRANO IS THERE TO BE PUT IN HIS COFFEE…

    6:35:07 a.m. – Father Jonathan Morris is on this morning, to defend his luncheon with Deirdre and Lis Wiehl.  ‘Blonde on Blonde on Beatification’.  Back in the Green Room, the Good Father says that, he did NOT, indeed, wear the ‘Monkey Suit’, but the most shocking thing was that Deirdre was eating Steak Tartare.  He says it’s probably because she’s not getting any meat at home.  We can’t believe he went there.  This is a man of the cloth.  He better not be lying, or he’ll have to go to himself for confession.

    “WAS SHE…WEARING ONE OF THOSE TIGHT T-SHIRTS LIKE SHE USUALLY DOES?  TELL ME AGAIN.  SLOWLY, THIS TIME…AND IN LOW, HUSKY TONES”

    6:45:09 a.m. – Father Jonathan attempts to explain the Sacrament of Reconciliation to the I-Man.  He offers to hear the Boss’ confession.  We’d much prefer he perform an exorcism instead.  Except for the fact that he’d need a bathtub full of Holy Water.

    THE OLD COWBOY’S HEAD DONE SPUN ‘ROUND LIKE THAT GIRL WHAT URPED THE PEA SOUP

    7:05:10 a.m. – The Boss relates that he has forgotten his dear friend and representative, Michael Lynne’s birthday.  We sense a trend happening here.  First Joe Beaver, then Delbert McClinton, now Mike Lynne.  He’d better tattoo Deirdre’s Birthday on his penis or there will be Hell to pay.

    THE I-MAN OPTS FOR HIS BUTT INSTEAD…AT LEAST, THAT WAY, DR. KATZ CAN REMIND HIM

    7:39:34 a.m. – “Vinnie From Queens” is a spirited discussion, the highlight of which is the controversy surrounding Beloved Cleveland  Broadcaster and former Browns Quarterback, Bernie Kozar, who was fired from the local affiliate because he slurs his speech, a condition, which, was caused by multiple concussions he suffered during his playing career.  Now we know why the I-Man came back to New York.  The Cleveland Radio Station he worked for finally heard him try to pronounce the word ‘regularly’

    THE I-MAN (TOP LEFT) SAYS ‘REGULARLY’

    LOU FERIGNO (TOP RIGHT) TRIES TO SAY ‘110 PERCENT’

    TOM BROKAW (LOWER LEFT) ATTEMPTS ‘LAST LIBYAN ELECTIONS’

    AND DICK CLARK, (ON TAPE) SHOUTS ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

    7:41:34 a.m. – One of the reasons why ‘Vinnie From Queens’ goes so well, is because the I-Man spends a lot of time putting together the topics that will be discussed.  He dedicates hours of painstaking care to make scour the sports websites, all the nation’s sports pages and watching tons of video from ESPN and Fox Sports One.  Four Marconis, baby.  Four Marconis.

    THE I-MAN, IN HIS ‘WAR ROOM’ TAKING A CELL PHONE PHOTO OF HIMSELF ON THE TV WHILE RECEIVING A PEDICURE.  HIS TOENAILS REMINDED THE MANICURIST OF THE HOOVES ON ‘SEABISCUIT’, SO IT WAS, TECHNICALLY, SPORTS RELATED

    7:47:34 a.m. – One of the questions that the Boss came up with in the War Room was ‘What is your favorite Sports movie?’   Warner’s got a top three:  ‘Rocky’, ‘Requiem For a Heavyweight’ and ‘Ben Hur’.   He is fond of Chariot Racing, as he used to do the Color Commentary for it.

    “IF YOU HAD MESSALA BY A LENGTH…YOU LOST!  TAKE BEN HUR TO WIN, PLACE AND  SHOW!”

    8:05:10 a.m. –  The Boss appears obsessed with the concept of ‘Confession’.  He is a Baptist, and so he says, basically, you do it…you live with it.  You don’t get to cop to some guy in a collar for a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card.’  Which was best demonstrated by Jimmy Swaggart.  He had to live with it.  Not that he had illicit sex with a prostitute in a Motel…but pictures of her were plastered all over the media.  The Sex could be forgiven.  Sex with HER…not so much.

    OH YES YOU HAVE, REV. SWAGGART…OH YES YOU HAVE

    8:36:14 a.m. – A special, bonus, ‘It Might Be Elvis’ segment airs.  Tony learned a new word today.  “Upcut”   It’s a technical term that refers to playing music on the air, and it starts abruptly in the middle of a musical phrase or lyric.  “Upside”, Tony knows well.  His parents explained that term to him more than once when he was a kid.  And he knows it well enough to realize that the I-Man is going to go “Upside” Bigfoot’s head for “Upcutting” the music for ‘It Might Be Elvis’.

    NEW SIGN IN THE CONTROL ROOM, UNDER PENALTY OF BEHEADING, WHICH IS THE ULTIMATE ‘UP CUT’

    9:05:34 a.m. – The I-Man is embarrassed that he was reaming out Bigfoot and carpet-bombing the F Word right and left…while, unbeknownst to him, the General Manager of WABC, Kim Bryant, was standing right behind him.  Who, as we have discussed before in this very blog, is quite a snappy number.  We don’t believe it’s the first time she’s heard the word.  In fact, we’re almost positive she’s said it a number of times, most recently, this morning when she told Leslie Slender, our Hot Promotions director, “Oh, (F-Word)!  I have to go uptown to visit the old (F-Word).”

    KIM BRYANT:  “WHAT THE (F-WORD) ARE YOU LOOKING AT?”

    9:15:34 a.m. – Imus is incredulous when Bernie tells him that on this past ‘New Years’  Rockin’ Eve’ broadcast, they played a tape of the Late Dick Clark…POST STROKE Dick Clark.  He is incensed by this egregious transgression…and notes that when they made an Elvis Stamp, they used the brutally handsome “Love Me Tender” Elvis, and not the Fat, Sweaty, Gravy Stained, Dead on the Toilet Elvis. 

    “I’M CAUGHT ON A STAMP…I CAN’T GET OFF…SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST LICK ME BABY…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

    A CONTENDER FOR BOTH ‘FAVORITE SPORTS MOVIE’

    AND

    ‘FAVORITE SPORTS SONG’

    “ROCKY”


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YYmfM2TfUA 

    Thursday
    Apr242014

    A Zombie Apocalypse

    6:05:10 a.m. –  We begin the program with Imus’ revelation that “There are people here at Fox who hate me.”  Um…Boss?  It’s not exclusive to Fox…it’s kind of an epidemic. It’s like a Zombie Apocalypse…Millions are infected.

    THE ‘I-DEMIC’ IS SPREADING.  THE POPULATION TAKES PRECAUTIONS.

    6:07:14 a.m. –  One of the people who Imus assumes hate him is co-host of ‘The Five’, Eric Bolling.   We wonder why Eric would not like Imus…to which the I-Man comments: “Is it my fault that Eric Bolling is a moron?”   It’s not your fault he’s a moron, Boss.  But it is your fault that he hates you

    ERIC BOLLING.  HE DOESN’T PLAY HOCKEY, NOR IS HE A FAN.  BUT HE DOES WEAR A HOCKEY HELMET.  DOCTOR’S ORDERS.  FOR HIS SAFETY.

    6:22:44 a.m – Imus says that he wanted to watch Mike Francesa on Fox Sports 2 yesterday, but couldn’t find him, leading to the observation, “They will find Flight 370 before you can find Fox Sports 2.”

    ONE OF THE PASSENGERS FROM FLIGHT 370…ENJOYING SOME FOX SPORTS 2

    6:35:07 a.m. – Stuart Varney is here, to provide his patented brand of Obama Hate.  Back in the Greenroom, he informs us that the President is responsible for, not only the Mudslide in Washington State, but the Avalanche in the Himalayas.

     “DAMN YOU, PRESIDENT OBAMA!  DAMN YOU!”

    6:39:07 a.m. – The I-Man takes Stuart to task for his choice of Eric Clapton’s position on his personal ‘Musical Mt. Rushmore’.  Which, is somewhat blasphemous, as we were always taught that ‘Clapton is God.’   We realize now, that the graffiti wasn’t proofread.  The original artist wanted to write ‘Clapton is Good’, but was in a hurry.  The other three musical entities on his Monument are ‘The Beatles’, ‘Ravi Shankar’ and ‘Gordon Lightfoot’.   We think Stuart should have to answer for those last two more than for Clapton.  Ravi Shankar?   Don’t get us wrong, ‘Tabla-Tabla Tarang’ is kind of catchy, and ‘Misha Piloo’ has a nice beat, althrough we wouldn’t dance to it, but Gordon F&*^ing Lightfoot?  The only thing wrong with ‘The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald’ is that Lightfoot wasn’t sailing on it.

    “HEY GUYS! CHECK IT OUT!  I THINK I FOUND GORDON LIGHTFOOT!”

    7:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man talks about how funny the ‘Behind the Scenes’ Blog is, but…you already know that, because you’re reading it right now.  Well, not this particular second, you’re probably watching the program as we write this, and having your breakfast, and listening to The Boss tell Lori Rothman that the crew has voted her one of the ‘Top Five Hottest Anchors’ on Fox.  Dagen maintains that Carley is the hottest woman in the building, and that Lori’s ‘okay’, but ‘Little People’ have special challenges, and so she gets a lot of credit.

    LORI ON VACATION IN CALIFORNIA, SMOKING A BLUNT AND CHUGGING A BREWSKI.

    THE GIRL LOVES TO PARTY ON HER DAYS OFF

    7:06:12 a.m. - Lori says that ‘Lou Dobbs’ is in HER ‘Top Five’.   What?  Lou Dobbs?  He’s the Gordon Lightfoot of Television Anchors.  And, according to Imus, “…has had more facelifts than Joan Rivers.”  We have noticed that every time he lifts his foot his eyebrow arches.

    LOU DOBBS.  HE’S HAD A LITTLE WORK DONE.

    7:39:34 a.m. – The most ironically named segment in Broadcasting:  The Mensa Meeting.  One of the topics concerns the High School Boy who was suspended for asking Miss America to the Prom.  Deirdre is quite harsh on the subject, as she notes that the young man was told it was against the rules for him to do so, and therefore, needs to be punished.  Fortunately for her, The I-Man was under no such restrictions.

    THE HAPPY COUPLE AT THE WATERBURY HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR PROM: ‘ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE SEA’   THE I-MAN, IN KEEPING WITH THE THEME, WAS A CRAB

    7:54:34 a.m. – Imus asks Deirdre, off air, about her lunch yesterday with Lis and Father Jonathan Morris.  She refuses to give out details, claiming that it was an event in her personal life, and therefore confidential.  Besides, she wouldn’t want it to get out that they were eating at ‘Ruth’s Chris’ Steakhouse.  “Did he wear his monkey suit?”  The I-Man wants to know.  Connell is shocked at the reference to the traditional Priest’s Cassock, but Deirdre, once again says, “I’m not telling you what he wore.  He could’ve worn a dress.”  We doubt that.  Only because the Good Father is not yet a Cardinal.

    FATHER JONATHAN IN HIS MONKEY SUIT

    8:05:10 a.m. –  Warner and Imus talk about the Knicks, and the I-Man reveals that he “Kinda likes ol’ Mitch Dolan.”, the owner of the NY Knickerbockers.  This follows the earlier revelation that he also “Kinda likes Roger Clemmons”   Just so we’re clear:  The Boss ‘Kinda Likes’ two of the most despised people in New York Sports.  Michael Vick should feel right at home here.  Maybe he and Imus can walk their dogs together.

    “HEY IMUS!  MY DOG WILL EAT YOUR DOG.”

    8:36:14 a.m. –  Author, and Freelance Journalist, Stuart Taylor Jr. is the guest, weighing in on the Supreme Court’s upholding the ban on Affirmative Action in schools.  We have reason to believe his appearance is due to Affirmative Action on News Programs.

    MR. TAYLOR: THANKS TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION, STUART’S DOG IS NOW ATTENDING THE COLUMBIA SCHOOL OF BROADCASTING

    VIDEO OF THE DAY :

    AFTER YESTERDAY’S POPULAR RICKLES CLIP, HERE HE IS AGAIN

    AT THE FRIAR’S CLUB ROAST OF JERRY LEWIS

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE31XpVFLrQ 

    AND A COLLECTION OF CLIPS FROM HIS MANY ‘DEAN MARTIN ROAST’ APPEARANCES

    (FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE FIRST FEW SECONDS OF HOME MOVIE FOOTAGE OF RED BUTTONS IN THE YARMULKE SAYING THAT RICKLES IS THE BIGGEST ARGUMENT AGAINST HUMAN CLONING)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVMygYh_xTI 

    Wednesday
    Apr232014

    The I-Print

    6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man happily reports that this past Monday’s ‘Might Be Elvis’ was the highest rated hour of THE ENTIRE BROADCAST DAY.  Rob claims that he is responsible for its stellar success.  It is the only segment of the week in which he appears.  He offers his services to Hollywood & Vine, Blonde on Blonde and Vinnie From Queens.   Not the Mensa Meeting, however.  Because Alan Colmes scares him.

    ALAN COLMES DEBATING DEIRDRE ABOUT OBAMACARE

    6:07:14 a.m. –  We get a ‘bonus’ dose of Lis Wiehl this morning, prior to her appearance on ‘Blonde on Blonde’.  She is on the phone to provide some clarity on the Supreme Court decision about Affirmative Action in State School admissions.  The I-Man notes that she sounds ‘hot’ on the phone, and suggests that she might make some extra cash doing phone sex.   We realize we’ve never actually heard Lis speak…Deirdre never allows her to.   

    “HEY LIS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

    “MMM HMMM HRFMPH FRMPH UM HMMPHER”

    6:27:24 a.m. –  Bernie plays a clip of Don Rickles from last night’s Kimmel show.  He’s 88, and yet, the old bastard has still got it.  Clearly, age does not stop one from being funny.  At least in his case.

     “WADDYA LOOKIN’ AT, HOCKEY PUCK?”

    6:35:07 a.m. – Carl “Two Questions” Jeffers is on to discuss the same topic as Lis Wiehl, although his voice doesn’t have the same effect on us as hers did.  Back in the Green Room, Tony interviews him for a ‘Post Mortem’ on his appearance…well, ‘Interview’ isn’t quite the word…let’s just say Tony holds the microphone…and listens.  Mr. Jeffers tells a Don Rickles story, a classic.  There’s an intermission in the middle of it, it goes on so long.  It’s the famous Sinatra/Rickles story.  Carl tells it like it’s being directed by Cecil B. Demille.  For some reason, he thinks we need the details about what Rickles had for an appetizer.  Here’s the story.  Rickles sees Sinatra at a restaurant, professes his admiration, and asks Frank to stop by his table to say ‘Hi’ and impress his wife.  Sinatra does, and Rickles says “Not now, Frank.  We’re eating.”  Boom.  You’re welcome.

     

    RICKLES WITH SINATRA (R)

    (FOR THE RECORD, ACCORDING TO CARL JEFFERS, DON HAD THE SHRIMP COCKTAIL, MINESTRONE, A WEDGE SALAD, LAMB CHOPS WITH MINT JELLY, ROASTED POTATOES AND ASPARAGUS WITH HOLLANDAISE SAUCE, COFFEE AND A NICE TIRAMISU…

    FRANK HAD ON A TUX, PATENT LEATHER SHOES AND A DIAMOND PINKIE RING, AND PARTED HIS HAIR ON THE LEFT, RICKLES WORE A BLUE BLAZER, A GREEN COTTON SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT, AND TAN SLACKS WITH A PAIR OF BROWN LOAFERS, WHICH, ACCORDING TO MR. JEFFERS, NOBODY SHOULD WEAR AFTER SIX P.M….) 

    7:05:10 a.m. – Imus compliments Carl Jeffers on his outstanding defense of his idiotic Musical Mt. Rushmore.   Carl has chosen Duke Ellington, Frank Sinatra, (here’s where it gets idiotic) Blue Magic and Michael Franks.  Who?  Michael Franks.  Who?  Exactly.

    THE HIT SINGLE FROM THIS ALBUM:  ‘WHY DID YOU BUY THIS?’

    7:39:34 a.m. –  Blonde on Blonde…Deirdre comments on Earth Day, and warns of the dangers of toxic chemicals still extant in our drinking water…thereby providing a public service for those of you in the audience who can’t tolerate Tryptophan. 

     EITHER THEY’RE LISTENING TO BLONDE ON BLONDE…OR THEY JUST ATE A LOT OF TURKEY

    7:41:34 a.m. – The Topic of ‘Blind Dates’ comes up.  Lis has not experienced one, but Deirdre has, and she declines to talk about it, because the gentleman has since died.   Clearly, he took the easy way out.

    “HEY!  DOES THIS MEAN WE’RE NOT GOING OUT AGAIN?”

    7:47:34 a.m. –  The I-Man makes the mistake of stealing a line from Deirdre.  Oh no he di-int.  It’s not going to be a good afternoon at La Casa de Imus.

    “I’M SORRY, HONEY!  I’M SORRY!  I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU CREDIT!”

    8:05:10 a.m. – Deirdre and Lis come back into the Green Room and challenge Rob over his claim that he is the reason why ‘It Might Be Elvis’ got such high ratings.  They maintain that Rob is on screen constantly, and it doesn’t have any impact on the ratings at all.  The only thing that’s different about the segment is…Trevor Waltrous.  Trevor.  The Sound Man.    Because that’s what people tune in for.  The sound.  Wait till they put the lighting guy on ‘Blonde on Blonde’.

    SKIP FROM THE LIGHTING DEPARTMENT.  STAR IN THE MAKING.

    8:07:24 a.m. – After mentioning Earth Day, and how the President was jetting and helicoptering around the country, the I-Man says “Nobody leaves a bigger Carbon Footprint than I do.  I can’t wait for my Escalade to run out of Gas so I can fill it up again.”  Ironically, Deirdre has been waiting for Imus to ‘Run out of gas’ for the last 18 years. 

    THE I-MAN WIPES HIS FEET ON SOUTH AMERICA

    8:26:14 a.m. – Imus mentions that the FDA has rescinded its approval of ‘Palcolhol’, powdered alcohol.  He laments that they didn’t have it back in the day.  He’d have a briefcase full o’ Vodka.  When you get to thinking about it, he could’ve combined his addictions, and stuck both that and cocaine up his nose.  Except for the fact that when you put the coke and the palcohol together…they kind of cancel each other out.  So you’re just…normal.

    THIS KID’S GOT A PROBLEM

    8:38:14 a.m. – Kathleen Troia McFarland is on (And now we know why she goes with ‘K.T.’) to discuss Crimea and Foreign Policy. 

    FORMER ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF DEFENSE FOR PUBLIC AFFAIRS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, AND OLYMPIC FIGURE SKATER, K.T. MCFARLAND

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY : 

     

    SINATRA TELLS THE RICKLES STORY

    (IN ABOUT A TENTH OF THE TIME IT TOOK CARL JEFFERS…AND HE WAS THERE)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5_V9RT8aR8 

    BONUS CLIP:

      

    http://www.sbrforum.com/video/don-rickles-dean-martin-roasts-sammy-davis-jr-v-3800/

    RICKLES ROASTS SAMMY DAVIS JR.

    (HE SAYS EVERYTHING THAT WOULD GET HIM KICKED OFF THE AIR TODAY…

    EXCEPT FOR, ‘IT LOOKS LIKE THEY ALREADY ROASTED HIM’)

     

    Tuesday
    Apr222014

    He Has an I-Graine

    5:55:10 a.m. – My Pillow Michael Lindell is here, back in the Green Room with us, awaiting his appearance on the program this morning. He drove straight through from Philadelphia at 3 A.M. this morning, which is not surprising, considering he’s a former Crack Addict.  What IS surprising is, he forgot his My Pillow.   So he’s not resting.  He’s talking.  A lot. 

    JESUS, TAKE A NAP.

    6:05:10 a.m. –  The I-Man is reveling in the firing of Knicks Coach Michael Woodson, and asks Warner if the Lakers have “Fired Dantoni”.   “Not yet.” Comes Warner’s pessimistic reply.  It’s like Imus’ own version of ‘Bad News Hanukkah’.  The Joy of Other’s Misery will be staggered over a few days.

     MUCH TO THE DELIGHT OF THE I-MAN,

    DANTONI’S FLAME IS GOING TO BE PUT OUT IN A FEW DAYS

    6:10:20 a.m. –  The Boss is not taking the Government’s word on the Rancher Standoff that’s going on out in Nevada.  He relates a story about when he bought the land for his Ranch for Kids with Cancer…the Fence was already in place, and so he wondered where the boundaries for the property really were.  Turns out they had cut off 500 ACRES of land.  Meanwhile, they were constantly taking down the fence, leading the I-Man to get his gun, ready to start an I-Ranch Range War himself.  Nothing Kids with Cancer love more than hot, flying lead.

    SMILE WHEN YOU SAY THAT, STUPID.

    6:39:13 a.m. – Michael Lindell is on and a jealous Joseph Abboud sends the I-Man a nasty text:  “Michael Lindell?  What’s next?  The band from the Kars 4 Kids commercial?”  Mr. Lindell mentions that he was recently married, and more recently, divorced.  Apparently, it only lasted two days…his wife slept through the Honeymoon.  Damn Mattress Topper.  Either that, or she pretended she was asleep so she wouldn’t have to talk to him.  He is nothing if not overly enthusiastic.

    IF LINDELL DOESN’T SHUT UP ABOUT THESE EFFING PILLOWS, TONY IS GOING TO SCREAM

    7:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man was rocking a ‘Queen Elizabeth’ hairstyle yesterday, this morning, he’s got a 1971 David Cassidy ‘do.  He looks like he’s going to a Partridge Family Concert.

    “I THINK I HATE YOU…SO WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF?”

    7:12:34 a.m. – His segment has been over for 21 minutes…and Michael Lindell is STILL in the Green Room.  Doesn’t this guy have a life?  We think we have a good idea why the Old Lady split during the first 48 hours.

    THE LONG AWAITED SEQUEL TO ‘12 YEARS A SLAVE’

    7:30:34 a.m. –  The I-Man, ironically, reads another ‘My Pillow’ Spot, articulating the many benefits and virtues of the pillows, including relief from ‘Fibro Minutiae’… ‘Fivo Malusia’… ‘Fibro Malaysia’… which we think is people who suffer from neck strain looking for the missing Flight 370.

    “I CAN’T FIND THE PLANE…”

    7:37:34 a.m. – “Hollywood & Vine”.  Apparently, Riedel took Dagen and Imogen to see ‘Cabaret’, and they both express their lust for Alan Cumming.  Yes.  You read that right.  Alan Cumming.  If this is what women think is hot these days…we’re going over to the other side.

    HE’S BITING ‘MY PILLOW’

    7:44:34 a.m. – Riedel name drops Pete Townshend…of ‘The Who’…which, interestingly enough, is what Townsend says when you name drop Michael Riedel.  “Who?”   He says he was backstage with Pete after a concert…we suppose they were exchanging child porn photos with each other.

    TOWNSHEND AND RIEDEL: ‘OLD AGE WASTELAND’

    8:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man is pissed off.  Apparently, over the weekend at the Joe Beaver Roping, Tuf Cooper was standing right behind him, and nobody introduced Imus, (who has been singing Tuf’s praises for years) to him.  He is especially annoyed with Sunny Brazier, as, introducing the Radio Hall of Famer to the Rodeo Hall of Famer was something the didn’t ‘Get on her mind.’

    EVEN THIS MONKEY WAS INTRODUCED TO TUF…ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR, HE DID HOLD ON TO THE BORDER COLLIE FOR LONGER THAN 8 SECONDS

    8:35:24 a.m. – A rare treat.  Senator John (Wayne) McCain is LIVE in the studio this morning.  The I-Man is sticking around for this interview, even though he has a migraine headache.  He says he either is getting sick or he has a brain tumor.  It will be interesting to see him whine about how he feels to War Hero McCain, who was tortured by the Cong for over 5 years in a Vietnamese P.O.W. camp.  We can just see Senator McCain nodding, empathizing…or, for that matter, nodding off, as he’s heard this story about a billion times.   He is very kind and polite, however, because about as close as the I-Man ever got to being shot down over enemy territory was attending a screening of ‘Top Gun’.

    “A HEADACHE?  AN EFFING HEADACHEIS THIS DUMB BASTARD SH**TING ME?”

    8:36:14 a.m. – Senator McCain is an elegant, eloquent, elder statesman.  In short, the Anti-Imus.  In nature, when matter meets anti-matter, it usually results in a tremendous explosion.  Not to say that the I-Man doesn’t have his own charms…but his sunny disposition isn’t one of them. Especially when he doesn’t feel well.  Did we mention he doesn’t feel well?  He certainly has.  Repeatedly.  Ad Nauseum. 

    THESE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE HEADACHES…THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO HIM COMPLAIN ANY MORE

    8:54:14 a.m. – Good news and Bad news.  The I-Man is feeling better. As such, he will be sticking around until the end of the program.  You decide which is which.

     THE CHART OF I-MALADIES

    VIDEO OF THE DAY:

    IF THESE WERE ‘MY PILLOWS’ MAYBE HE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN ARRESTED

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeS5IU4Odus