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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

 Healthy Halloween Fun: By Deirdre Imus, Fall is arguably the most exciting time of year, every year. For some, it’s the increasingly chilly air, gorgeous scenery, and juicy apples, followed by a smattering of beloved holidays celebrated with family and friends. For others, it’s all about one special day in particular.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Browns' Josh Gordon entering rehab: 'Right decision for me'

NFL officially suspends Cowboys' Randy Gregory 10 additional games - The NFL has officially suspended Cowboys defensive end Randy Gregory for 10 additional games, the league announced on Thursday. Gregory's suspension will be tacked onto the four-game one he is currently serving.

Carson Wentz wins rookie of the month honors - Wentz has made more than the most out of his opportunities, leading the Eagles to a 3-0 record and winning the NFL’s offensive rookie of the month award for September.


Cubs Pirates stopped by rain, first tie in majors since 2005 - The Chicago Cubs and Pittsburgh Pirates played to the first tie game in the major leagues since 2005 when rain forced the teams to stop in the sixth inning Thursday night with the score 1-all.

Recent Guests:
    Wednesday
    Nov042015

    A Shot Of Fish Oil

    6:05:00 A.M. –  The Boss begins the program by informing us that the so-called Houston ‘Bathroom Bill’ was rejected by voters yesterday.  The LGBT Equal Rights Ordinance would have allowed transgender people to use toilets of their choosing.   So…word to the wise, Caitlyn Jenner.  When you’re in Houston, if you don’t want to go standing up, you better learn how to hold it.

    …BUT YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH WOMEN IN MENS’ RESTROOMS, RIGHT?

     6:18:36 A.M. – The micro-organism responsible for the Chipotle E-Coli outbreak in the Pacific Northwest has been identified.  It’s amazing that scientists were able to discover the source of the food borne illness…as diarrhea seems to be a pretty common side effect after eating Mexican Food.

    NOW WE KNOW WHERE THE ‘AY YI YI YI’ COMES FROM IN ‘CIELITO LINDO’

    NOT A CHIPOTLE BURRITO.  BUT IT WILL MAKE YOU GO LIKE YOU ATE ONE

    6:40:27 A.M. K.T. McFarland is on and tells us that her daughter got engaged to a computer nerd.  K.T. doesn’t strike us as the kind of Mom who would be okay with anybody other than a NAVY SEAL marrying her daughter.  But…

    K.T.’S NEW SON IN LAW.  HE SAYS HE’S GOT A ‘REALLY BIG HARD DRIVE’

       SHE’S PRAYING THEY DON’T HAVE KIDS

    6:43:27 A.M. – Ms. McFarland and the I-Man discuss a wide range of topics including ISIS, the President sending 50 troops to Syria, and the Islands in China, onwhich, Imus asks if there are any Hotels.  Thinking of going on vacation, Boss?

    WOODY ISLAND, OFF THE COAST OF CHINA.  SITE OF ASIA DISNEYWORLD

    7:05:37 A.M. – Imus is creeped out by the Marley Drug Commercial, which offers Sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra.  We, on the other hand, are VERY interested in FIFTY 20 mg tablets for 80 Dollars instead of 10 100 Milligram tablets for 300 Dollars.  We’re not that good at math, but we know a good cheap boner pill deal when we see it. 

    SHE’S HOPING THESE GENERIC VIAGRA DON’T WORK SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH GRANDPA’S DESSICATED WIENER

    7:32:16 A.M. – There’s a new movie coming out called ‘In the Heart of the Sea’, a true story that was the inspiration for Moby Dick.  The movie is based on a book  by Nathaniel Philbrick, an author who the I-Man actually remembers interviewing.  Of course, prior to speaking with Mr. Philbrick, the Boss was under the impression that Moby Dick was a venereal disease.

    A SHOT OF FISH OIL…CLEARS IT RIGHT UP

    AN EXAMPLE OF UNCIRCUMSIZED ‘MOBY DICK’

    7:39:16 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE or, as we like to call it, BLEACH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE CHICK.   The I-Man asks the ladies whether or not they think the Jimmy Kimmel bit in which parents punk their children by telling them they ate all their Halloween Candy.     Deirdre thinks it’s a scream, Lis, not so much. Ms. Wiehl experienced her own child being punked a couple years ago when she and her daughter ‘Doug’ visited the Imus Ranch. Deidre told young ‘Doug’ that if she ate all her vegetables, she could have Birthday Cake.  The Little Wiehl forced the veggies down.  PSYCHE!   There IS no birthday cake!  Oh, snap!  Who’s the Boss, Doug?  Say it! 

    WHAT WAS ORIGINALLY THOUGHT WAS A CRYPTIC MESSAGE, SCRAWLED ON A WALL IN THE HAY BAR AT THE IMUS RANCH…IS ACTUALLY A WARNING

    7:40:16 A.M. – The segment continues with the conundrum of whether or not it’s a good idea to teach children how to administer a heroin overdose shot.  Not the heroin itself, that is, but Naloxone Hydrochloride, an antidote for the opiate.   Just the notion that this concept exists is enough to put Deirdre over the edge, causing her to question the future of humanity.  But, when you get to thinking about it, if the kids are old enough to shoot smack, they should be old enough to use an Epi Pen with Naloxone.

    “ARE YOU CHASING THE DRAGON, MOMMY?  DID YOU CATCH HIM?”

    7:44:16 A.M. – Instead of a drug to stave off an overdose, Deirdre believes that more time, effort and money should be put into prevention.  She makes the analogy that it’s like trying to save a baby AFTER it falls off the cliff.  Good point.  We don’t want to get killed by a falling baby.  Which makes us wonder if you drop a baby and a penny off the Empire State Building, which one hits the ground first?

     

    DUCK!  BABY!

    8:17:34  A.M. –  The I-Man has hired someone out at the Ranch by the name of Nicole, who will be the Texas version of Ali in New York.  He tells a hilarious story about a phone call he made to Nicole to inform her that she had the job, but says that he made it sound like he was letting her down easy for not being hired.  Well…it wasn’t quite hilarious.  It was more…humorous. A humorous story.  Well,   maybe ‘humorous’ isn’t the right word…it was…a story.  Yes.  Absolutely.  A story.

    SISTER MARY MENGELE HAS MADE SIMILAR PHONE CALLS TO SOME OF THE NOVICES IN HER CONVENT:  “I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMING IN AND TAKING YOUR SOLEMN VOWS…THERE WERE A LOT OF QUALIFIED CANDIDATES, BUT…YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT THE GIG.  PSYCHE!  BOOYAH!”

    8:19:43 A.M. – Imus can’t remember who is sponsoring Warner’s Sports report, Peerless Boilers…or Hackensack University Medical Center.  So he advises his listening audience to “Get the boiler and then go to the hospital.”

    “WE HAVE A PEERLESS PURE FIRE BOILER IN THE OPERATING ROOM…IT KEEPS OUR PATIENTS NICE AND TOASTY WARM…”

    8:39:33 A.M. – Staff Sergeant Travis Mills, a wounded veteran, 82nd Airborne, and a quadruple amputee, is on to promote his book TOUGH AS THEY COME .  It’s one of the all time great interviews, after which, the I-Man, audibly moved by Sergeant Mills’ story, says “I’ve talked to people for 40 Years, and I’ve never talked to anyone as inspirational as you.”  It’s one of the few times we can remember where everybody on the program agrees with the Boss.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    TWO AMUSING TAKES ON ‘MOBY DICK’

    http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=FUNNY+MOBY+DICK&FORM=HDRSC3#view=detail&mid=219C8E5093B23810A5E5219C8E5093B23810A5E5

    http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=bad+grandpa+moby+dick+scene&qs=n&form=QBVR&pq=bad+grandpa+moby+dick+scene&sc=0-20&sp=-1&sk=#view=detail&mid=A928386CE1C889B14385A928386CE1C889B14385

    Tuesday
    Nov032015

    The Bald Womens

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man begins the program with some harsh words for Meteorologist Dr. Bill Evans, who, in his estimation is “Too Happy.”  He wants to know why Dr. Bill feels it necessary to report what the record temperature was in 1948.   He’s rather cheesed off by this stupid practice.  Suffice to say Dr. Bill is not ‘Too Happy’ now. 

    BACK IN 1948 IT WASN’T THE HEAT, IT WAS THE HUMIDITY

    6:08:56 A.M. – The Boss has another imponderable for us:  “Why do people with Wheelchairs get to park in front?  They don’t have to walk, they can roll right in.”  He believes that HE should be able to park close to building entrances, because of his difficulty breathing.  He can, but first, he has to get one of those stickers with the Wheelchair on it.  Even though he doesn’t have one.

    HE CAN’T GET ONE OF THESE

    BUT HE COULD GET ONE OF THESE TO HANG OFF HIS REARVIEW MIRROR  

    6:15:44 A.M. – Mike Lupica is in the studio and takes a picture of us on his iPhone, and sends it to Imus.  Fortunately, the beer keg wasn’t in the shot. 

    SHHH.  DON’T TELL GUNZ

    6:40:27 A.M. Lupy’s book, FAST BREAK is about a 12 year old Basketball Phenom, who “…is trying to outrun his past.”  The Boss, with laser point accuracy asks:  “What kind of a past can a 12 year old HAVE?

    “I’VE DONE SOME BAD THINGS…REALLY BAD THINGS…”

    7:05:37 A.M. – Warner reports that the Carolina Panthers remain ‘Undebeaten’, a word that is a cross between ‘Undefeated’ and ‘Unbeaten’, and certainly, a Bo Dietl Worthy Malopropism.

    1.        un.de.beat.a.ble

     [ˌənˈdəbēdəb(ə)l] 

    ADJECTIVE

    1.  not able to be defeated or exceeded in a contest or commercial market:

    "the shop sells bikes at unbeatable prices"

    synonyms: invincible · unstoppable · unassailable · indomitable ·  

    [more] unconquerable · unsurpassable · matchless · peerless · nonpareil · supreme 

         1. extremely good; outstanding:

    "views from the patio are unbeatable"

    1. Warner Wolf’s version of ‘unbeatable’

    “The Panthers are undebeatable.” 

    THE DEFINITION FROM THE OXFORD IMUS VERNACULAR DICTIONARY

    7:39:37 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or, as we like to call it, WHEN IS IMOGEN COMING BACK?  The segment begins with the I-Man asking about the latest hit Broadway Musical, “Hamilton”.  “What’s it about?” he wants to know.  George Hamilton, of course.

    HAMILTON.  YOU KNOW, THE GUY ON THE 10 DOLLAR BILL

    7:39:16 A.M. – Riedel says “You can take some advice from me when it comes to the ladies…”  Like the ones who are your fans, Michael?  The ones with the Blue Hair?

    RIEDEL AND ONE OF HIS GROUPIES PAINT THE TOWN RED

    7:41:16 A.M. – Deirdre bemoans the ‘Gunz Generation’ for being vapid, egocentric, self-aggrandizing morons citing Essena O’Neill, the Australian Teenager with 612,000 Instagram followers who recently announced that she is quitting all Social Media”  Of course, she made the announcement on Twitter.

    CONSIDERING THAT WE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT HER,

    WE’RE SORRY TO SEE HER GO

    7:40:16 A.M. – Gunz wants Quentin Tarantino to shut up.  He, like all of us, is incensed with the Pulp Fiction Director’s stance on ‘Police Brutality’, in the wake of a series of Cop Shootings.  We feel actually feel bad for Quentin.  It must be hell going through life with a face direct from ‘Wayland Flowers & Madame’

    QUENTIN MARCHING AT A RALLY IN PHILADELPHIA

    7:44:16 A.M. – Gunz muses that Harvey Weinstein, the head of The Weinstein Company, the studio behind Tarantino’s new film, ‘The Hateful Eight’, is flipping out.  Quentin’s controversial opinions have inspired a boycott of the film.  Mr. Weinstein must feel helpless as Marcellus Wallace in the Basement with Maynard and Zed.

     

    YOU BETTER HOPE THEY ‘BRING OUT THE GIMP’, HARVEY

    8:15:11 A.M. – Warner reports that PETA wants to investigate Cowboys’ Wide Receiver, Dez Bryant, and his…monkey.

    “YES, DEZ IS MY FRIEND…BUT I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS UNTIL MY LAWYER GETS HERE.”

    8:15:11 A.M. – The I-Man is shocked to learn that Dodgers Manager, Don Mattingly was fired, and is now managing the Florida Marlins.  “Why wasn’t I informed of this?” he demands.  What was Mattingly thinking?  He knows he shouldn’t be making life decisions without checking with Imus first.  The Boss doesn’t remember this happening.  Of course, he doesn’t remember what he had for breakfast this morning either.  Or, at various times during the day, his name. 

    “YOU LOOK STUPID IN THAT JERSEY…TAKE IT OFF.  NOW.”

    8:38:43 A.M. – Imus and Wyatt had a tender, Father/Son bonding moment, where the Wy-Man asked his Dad if women can also lose their hair.  The I-Man almost let slip the name of a woman married to a friend of his…who is losing her hair.  Yes, Wyatt.  Women can go bald.  In fact, Bald Headed Woman is a traditional blues song that was covered by both The Kinks and The Who.

    CAMERON DIAZ, DEMI MOORE AND HILLARY…BALD HEADED WOMEN

    8:40:43 A.M. – Before he talks with Lt. Colonel Bill Cowan, the I-Man relates to us the protocol he demands his assistants follow when answering the phone in the Imus Office.  When someone calls, and asks for him, the Assistant must say, “Let me see if I can find him.”  And then ask who it is.  Of course, they won’t find him.  Even though he’s standing right next to the phone.  Despite the appearance that he will talk to ANYBODY…the Boss don’t wanna talk to NO-BODY.  NO-BOD-EE, as Warner would say.

    “WELL, WHEN YOU FIND HIM, TELL HIM MARGARET CALLED.

      I’M HIS BIGGEST FAN.”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    In Honor Of All You Bald Womens

    I’m Gonna Git You Sucka

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-1C6QlvHl8

    Monday
    Nov022015

    Where's Nat?

    6:05:00 A.M. – There is no joy in Flushing.   The Miracle Mets have crapped out.  A message gets to the I-Man:  Nat Candido will not be on ‘Vinnie From Queens’.  We’re concerned.  Since the end of game last night, he’s been A.W.O.L.  

    6:08:56 A.M. – Connell reports that Senator Fred Thompson is dead.  Guess he didn’t max out that Reverse Mortgage he was humping on TV.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Lupica has a new book out.  Because every 6 weeks he has to. His wife, Tammy Fae Lupica, says so.   The Boss gives Lupy’s newest Teen Novel, FAST BREAK and finds that, although the protagonists in the book are kids, the dialogue rings true.  Well, he probably talks to a lot of twelve year olds when he shops for clothes.

    F.W.I.W., LUPICA IS STANDING ON A BOX

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo is on and says he is going to continue eating bacon, because Dr. Oz told him he could, AND he could also have steak, so long as the bacon was nitrate-free, and the steak wasn’t charcoal grilled because those are both Kardashians.   He means ‘Carcinogens’.   But, when you get to thinking about it, Kim Kardashian does put one in the mind of animal fat.

    BO IS WORKING ON GETTING A STENT MADE OUT OF BACON

    KIM WITH HER ‘BACON STARTER KIT’

    7:15:37 A.M.  The I-Man tells a story about Wyatt naming his two new practice horses ‘Anna Lee’ and ‘Carlin’, and marvels at how iconic figures from the sixties, such as Levon Helm, George Carlin and Muhammed Ali resonate with young people the Wy-Man’s age.  It must be generational.  As a young man, Imus was very influenced by Thomas Aquinas.

    SAINT THOMAS AQUINAS:

    THE PATRON SAINT OF ACADEMICS, BOOKSELLERS…AND DRY CLEANERS

    7:39:16 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS or, HAS ANYBODY SEEN NAT?   The panel assesses the job done by the broadcast team for the Worlds Series, and conclude that Harold Reynolds, (Joe Buck’s color man who, happens to be a person of color) won’t ever shut the f&*k up.  And Gunz thinks ‘Joe Buck Sucks’.   Which, we’re sure, is just devastating news to Joe Buck.

    “I’M SO DISAPPOINTED…I THINK GUNZ IS…DREAMY…IN FACT, I’M HIS BIGGEST FAN…YES…HIS BIGGEST FAN…”

    7:44:55 A.M. WHO’S THE BIGGER DOUCHE?  The NFL for fining players who honor the memories of deceased loved ones on the field…or Bears’ Defensive Tackle Jeremiah Ratliff who, after being released by the team last week, claimed he was  ‘The Devil’ and wanted the children of the Bears’ staff members to die.   We’ll have to go with the devil.

    WE REMEMBER WHEN JEREMIAH WAS JUST A BULLFROG…

    8:05:16 A.M. – The question is raised by the I-Man “Is John Kerry’s daughter married to an Iranian Doctor?” It’s certainly a Google-able piece of information…but we know the Boss isn’t all that ‘Internet Savvy’.  His proficiency at technology ended with the ‘Magic 8 Ball’

    THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN

    8:15:11 A.M. – Imus reports that Lis was out at the ranch last week, and he introduced her to T-Money.  We think we know how that worked out.

    LIS AND T-MONEY: A LITTLE CHOCOLATE GOODNESS FOR THE HORNY LITTLE MINX

    8:20:40 A.M. – There’s a clip in which Paul Ryan reveals that he sleeps in his office.  Which isn’t unusual.  The I-Man’s been doing that for years.

    PAUL RYAN.

    I-MAN.  ONCE AGAIN, BEING RIPPED OFF

    8:40:43 A.M. – The Great Dick Cavett is the guest, an I-Man AND Staff Fave.  He’s on to promote the paperback edition of his latest book, BRIEF ENCOUNTERS: CONVERSATIONS, MAGIC MOMENTS, AND ASSORTED HIJINKS.  He tells a story about almost getting Frank Sinatra as a guest, but upon calling the number given to him is told ‘Frank doesn’t do that $#!+’.  We love Dick.  Cavett, that is, (Not that there’s anything wrong with that lifestyle.)  He’s like your crazy old uncle.  If your crazy old uncle had a 220 IQ.  

    RIGHT.  WHAT HE SAID.

    8:43:09 A.M. – Dick reveals that Muhammed Ali stayed at his house overnight, and called Carrie Nye, (At the time, MRS. Cavett)  to inform her of such.  “I’m in your house, and I’m sleeping in your bed.”  We wonder what made the Champ think that was the first time a black man had been in her bed when Dick wasn’t home.

    “NOW, HOLD ON, DICK…SHE COULDN’T HELP HERSELF…

    AFTER ALL, I AM ‘THE GREATEST”

    8:44:44 A.M. – At the conclusion of the interview, the I-Man asks Mr. Cavett what he will be doing the rest of the day.   “A-Rod is going to come over to play scrabble.”

    CAVETT’S RACK

    (The Word Refers to the Spiny Anteater from the Family Tachyglossidae in the Monotreme Order of Egg-Laying Mammals)

    A-ROD’S RACK

    (The Word Refers to Cat Poop) 

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A Dramatization of what we Believe happened

    Between T-Money and Lis

    Out at the Ranch

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9JqbCH4aVw 

    GET YOUR SCHNITZENGRUBEN ON

    Thursday
    Oct292015

    Cheer Up Connell

    6:05:00 A.M. – The Mets lost last night.  Connell almost starts crying during the local news.  The I-Man chastises him for being so morose.  Connell denies he’s upset.  But we hear him whimpering during Warner’s Sports Report.

    YOUNG CONNELL IS…INCONSOLABLE 

    6:08:56 A.M. – “John Kasich is a little creep.”  Declares the I-Man, having seen a bit of the G.O.P. Debate last night on CNBC.  Kasich must have been PARTICULARLY creepy to stand out among Certified Creepies Rand Paul, Ben Carson and Jim Cramer.

    WE DON’T THINK WE’D BE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH

    6:15:44 A.M. – “There are more pussies in Texas than anywhere else in America.”  Imus’ assessment is somewhat shocking, given the Macho Image of Cowboys and Cattle and Oil Rigs.   Apparently, he’s experienced considerable whining from Texans, complaining about him… ‘Why is he so mean?  Why does he talk to people like that?’ ‘He’s not nice.’   Wow.  Only took them four months to figure that one out?

    HE DOESN’T LOOK THAT CRANKY TO US

    6:17:24 A.M. – From Creeps to Pussies to Crazies in fewer than 10 minutes, Imus says that Jim Cramer’s a psycho.  “There’s a back story that rivals Bill Evans.”  Just because someone is known as ‘The Mad Man of Wall Street’, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re crazy.  If you’re caught sniffing discarded Ice Cream Sandwich Wrappers…THEN you might have a problem.  (That’s not to say we caught Bill Evans doing that.  But…we can easily SEE him doing it.)

    NAH.  HE’S NOT CRAZY

    6:40:27 A.M. Fox News Chief White House Correspondent Ed Henry is in New Hampshire, following Hillary Clinton’s Campaign.  He’s covering Grandma.  Not like you do, putting a shawl around her shoulders when she says she’s chilly, he’s reporting on Hillary’s movements.   In the race, that is, not…you know, THOSE kinds of movements.  Although we have it on ‘Good Authority’ that they’re regular…and firm.  She must eat a lot of fiber.  Because she’s REALLY full of $#!+.

    STICK THIS ON YER BUMPER

    7:15:37 A.M.  “Don Henley is fat.  I don’t want my Don Henley fat.  I want him like he was when he was out there on the loose.”  We have to agree.  Nobody wants an overweight Eagle.   Especially after you’ve just washed your car.

    SOMEBODY’S GONNA ROAST A PIG…BEFORE THE NIGHT IS THROUGH…”

    7:38:16 A.M. PSYCHOS or, as we like to call it, CURTIS SLIWA SHOULD GET RESIDUALS FOR THE TITLE OF THIS SEGMENT, begins with some domestic issues…not those here in the States, but between the I-Man and I-Woman.  He’s complaining that whenever he innocently points something out in the interest of helping Deirdre, offering suggestions and advice, she will reply, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”  For example, “You know, Deirdre, I’m having a difficult time breathing, could you please take this pillow off my face?” is treated with the utmost disdain.  Conversely, Deirdre has no problem telling the Boss what to do.  “Stop chewing your nuts so fast!”  Wow. We didn’t know Imus was that limber.

    YOU CAN DEFINITELY CHEW YOUR NUTS FROM THIS POSITION

    7:39:38 A.M. – Curtis, resplendent in a Kansas City Royals Baseball Cap, is gloating over the Mets misfortune in the first two games of the World Series.  In fact, we thought he had brought a souvenir Royals Baseball bat with him, but, turns out he just had a big ol’ woody in his Parachute pants.  THAT’S how excited he is that the Mets are down 2-0. 

    THE METS LOSING MAKES CURTIS ‘HORNY’

    7:40:08 A.M. – Alan wants to take down the Republican Candidates for whining about the media during last night’s debate.  Deirdre, coincidentally, is on to take down Alan, defending the debaters’ performances, and criticizes him for not acknowledging that the G.O.P. was the real winner last night and NOT the Liberal Media.  Alan is like Raw Meat to Deirdre.  Who doesn’t eat meat, so…basically Alan disgusts her. It’s like that Disney Tale as old as time…Beauty and the Beast.

    DEIRDRE AND ALAN.  BACK WHEN SHE WASN’T COMPLETELY REPELLED BY HIM

    7:44:08 A.M. – Bernie goes out on a limb and calls Hillary Clinton a Psychopathic Liar, and invokes her husband, The Big Dog, signing the Defense of Marriage Act.  Which is, pretty much, the textbook definition of ‘Irony’.

    FROM MCGUIRK’S DICTIONARY (UNABRIDGED)

    8:15:34 A.M. –  Bernard plays a clip of The Good Wife’s Juliana Margulies interview with Stephen Colbert on The Late Show last night, and, speaking for her character of Alicia Florek, whose husband cheated on her with Hookers, suggests that Alicia’s forgiveness had to do with there not being any emotional attachment with prostitutes.  “So it’s Okay!”  Bernie crows.  “It’s like Stress Relief!”  Um…Bernie.  One of those Sponge Balls you squeeze…a firm neck massage…meditation…Yoga…THAT’s Stress Relief.  Not dipping your wick in a whore.

    “SO…JULIANNA...ACT NATURAL…DON’T LOOK AT ME.  OKAY.  SO…YOU WOULDN’T HAPPEN TO HAVE THE NUMBER OF A HOOKER, WOULD YOU?  IT’S…FOR A FRIEND…YEAH, THAT’S IT.  A FRIEND.”

    8:40:08 A.M. – Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’ personality and Bernard’s partner once a week on O’Reilly, is on with his new book. How to be Right: The Art of Being Persuasively Correct.  Imus asks Greg if the book comes with a Paper Dust Jacket.  It does not.  Apparently, Greg was tired of people on the subway taking the dust jacket off the book so nobody would know they were reading it.   We did the same thing when we read Fifty Shades of Grey.   

    SOMETIMES, YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T LET PEOPLE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE READING

    8:45:09 A.M. – Gutfeld declares last night’s debates as “A mess and a waste of time.”  Wow. Really went out on a limb for that one, huh, Greg?  If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t know WHAT to think!

    “LOOK!  UP IN THE SKY!  IT’S A DOOFUS!  IT’S A PANTLOAD!

      NO, IT’S JUST GUTFELD FLAPPING HIS GUMS AGAIN”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A Little Clip to Cheer Up Connell

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3UXgwqlDAo

     

    Wednesday
    Oct282015

    Just Hangin' With The Boys

    6:05:00 A.M. – Imus tried to stay up to watch the Mets game and fell asleep.  Good thing Deirdre always keeps a mirror next to the couch, otherwise he’d be doing the program this morning under a big pile of dirt.

    “HEY!  STOP SHOVELING FOR A SECOND! I THINK I HEAR HIM SNORING!”

    6:15:44 A.M. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BERNIE!  We just learned this morning that it was his special day this past Monday, and ironically, Hillary Clintons Birthday was the same day, and we all know how much of a fan Bernard is of her. 

    WE ASSUME IT WAS BACK WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER…AND HE WAS OBVIOUSLY DRUNK

    6:40:27 A.M. Our favorite ‘spook’  (No, not Casper…but an undercover spy) is on to discuss the Iraq Rescue Mission, and whether or not we should have ‘boots on the ground’ AND the fact that his kids, ‘Scooter’, ‘Sluggo’ and ‘Mugsy’ have begun to ask him what he does for a living.  Despite the fact that, he certainly doesn’t name children for a living, but we wished they hadn’t done that.  Because now he has to kill them.

    SCOOTER TRAINS FOR DAD

    7:15:37 A.M. – The Technical Problems in the I-Man’s Texas Studio continue, there is still a delay between us and him, and, in addition to blaming the Cumulus Engineers, he has harsh words for AT&T.  “If they could cut back on naming stupid stadiums after themselves, and get the phones working...”   

    “HOW ABOUT YOU CALL IT, ‘YOUR SERVICE SUCKS STADIUM?”

    7:45:16 A.M. – We’re behind for ‘BLONDE ON BLONDE’ or, as we like to call it, A COUPLA WHITE CHICKS SITTING AROUND SCREECHING AT EACH OTHER AND TALKING OVER THE I-MAN. We’re late because the Boss…has poor time management skills.  That, and he insists on playing this stupid ‘Moron Brothers’ cut.

    WE GET THE FEELING THAT, NOT ONLY ARE THEY BROTHERS, THEY’RE ALSO FATHER AND SON

    7:46:22 A.M. – As we had anticipated, the World Health Organization’s study about Meat is the first topic.  And…you can pretty much guess how THAT went.  Lis complains to Deirdre that “I can’t have bacon once a week?” Well…she’s claiming it’s once a week.  She’s not in the studio, but, we’re afraid since we’ve last seen her, she’s developed those ‘Old Lady, Flesh Canoe, Bat Wing’ arms. 

    IF SHE WALKS TOO FAST, SHE’LL TAKE OFF

    7:48:37 A.M. – The I-Man asks the Ladies if they believe Oral Sex is sex.  They do.  But they also believe that a B.J. doesn’t ‘blow’ your virginity.  Which is what we always said back in High School. 

    “YOU MEAN…I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY BLOW ON IT?”

    8:07:34 A.M. – Warner predicts that the Kansas City Royals will win the World’s Series.  As staunch Met fans, we can only hope that Warner’s stellar record of Prognosticating Fails continues.

    “THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS WILL WIN THE WORLD SERIES.  I, WARNERDAMUS PREDICT THIS!”

    8:20:40 A.M. – The Boss responds to the news that Former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is expected to plead guilty to one of the two charges brought against him in connection with his efforts to pay hush many to an alleged victim of his sexual misconduct.  “The boy is gonna do some time…which, he MAY not mind.”   Considering that one of the alleged victims is named Steve Reinboldt, he may be right. 

    THE FORMER SPEAKER ‘JUST HANGIN’ WITH THE BOYS’

    8:26:40 A.M. – Chicago Bulls Point Guard Derrick Rose, currently suffering from a fractured eye socket, is wearing a mask.  He says he copes by closing one eye when he’s on the court.   “Why don’t you let him play with a dog?”  The Boss asks.

    THE DOG ON THE LEFT CAN DUNK ON YOUR ASS.

    8:43:43 A.M. – Mary Matalin has phoned in, and her phone sucks.  Add to that the hideous delay, and Imus’ interview with her sounds like NASA trying to contact the Manned Mars Mission.  He wants to know why she prefers the ‘Old Crow Medicine Show’ version of ‘Wagon Wheel’ over the one done by Darius Rucker.  She gets a little snippy…maintaining she’s already told him a few times.  But, sometimes you have to repeat things to the I-Man.  For example, Deirdre STILL has to remind him to “Go on the paper…not the rug.”

    SHE PUT THEM IN THE SHOWER SO IT WOULD REMIND HIM OF A PHONE BOOTH

    8:46:22  A.M. – The I-Man suggests that Barbara and ‘Poppie’ Bush always wanted Jeb to run, but ‘What Me Worry’ Alfred E. Newman, George W. did instead.  Imus asks Mary if the Bush parents like ol’ Jeb better than they do George W., but…she doesn’t take the bait.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    ‘Bush’ Interviews ‘Bush’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMKJwbMQ_M