6:05:10 a.m. – Imus mentions that he couldn’t remember the name of the host on that new show on HBO Sunday Nights. It’s John Oliver, of whom, he is allegedly a huge fan. But Mr. Oliver shouldn’t feel slighted. He couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant he ate in on Saturday night either. It was Primola. But they shouldn’t feel bad…he couldn’t remember the name on the reservation either. Even though it was his.
6:07:14 a.m. – Warner was one of the ones who made ‘The Other Woman’ number one at the Box Office this weekend. He giggles as he tells everyone he went to see it by himself…and there was a lot of T&A in it. If you had Warner with a Woody at the Multiplex…YOU WON!
WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS ‘A FAN OF KATE UPTON’S’ WARNER REPLIED ‘YES, BOTH OF THEM’.
6:35:07 a.m. – Bo Dietl is in to talk about…well, we’re not sure, as he’s not on yet, but we’re sure it will be a measured, understated, sensible, insightful take on some insignificant matter. The Boss says he’s got a funny book for Bo. Todd Snider’s ‘I Never Met A Story I Didn’t Like’. Bo says he doesn’t read. Imus says that he picked it up and then read the whole thing in one sitting. Bo says he bicycled 18 miles through Central Park yesterday. “I wasn’t sitting inside reading, I was out in the fresh air getting exercise.” He says he went around the path “Once…six miles…twice…18 miles…” “Um…twice would be 12 miles, Bo.” “Right...three times 18 miles.” Obviously Bo isn’t all that good at Math.
BO, ENJOYING A LEISURELY ‘RIDE IN THE PARK’
6:43:07 a.m. – Bo has his usual Obama rant, this time he brought statistics. 60% says that “The President Lies Most of the Time” 37% say “He’s Untruthful”. 17% say that “The President Fibs” Wow. Bo REALLY ISN’T that good at Math.
BO’S PIE CHART HAS AN EXTRA SLICE. THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE PIE
7:18:36 a.m. – The Boss ruminates about how sleazy our Sales Department is…the My Pillow offer ‘Exclusive For Imus in the Morning Listeners’ is now being touted by Curtis Sliwa as the ‘Made Special for Us’ My Pillow. It must be a different offer. The Curtis Sliwa ‘My Pillow’ must come with a Red Beret.
THE CURTIS SLIWA ‘MY PILLOW’ IT’S NOT QUITE AS STUPID AS HE IS
7:39:34 a.m. – ‘It Might Be Elvis’. The I-Man plays a bunch of songs that the panel of 40 listen to and decide if they deserve to be in the ‘Imus in the Morning Power Rotation’. Rest assured that the panel did not deserve the aural abuse they experienced with the Boss’s musical choices. We can see Guantanamo eschewing Water Boarding in favor of playing the ‘Five Seconds Of Summer’ video.
“WHERE DO I SIGN THE CONFESSION?”
8:05:10 a.m. – Imus notes that his voice is ‘thin’. It’s a little weak, because he’s only on 900 calories a day, as he’s trying to go from a portly 162 pounds down to a svelte 152. There are crackheads who weigh more than that. KAREN CARPENTER would say, “Hey Pops! Have a sandwich!”
“HEY DEIRDRE, DO THESE SHORTS MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT?”
8:17:24 a.m. – The I-Man has been meditating for a long time, but still losing his temper. Connell suggests that when something happens that he would normally lose his temper over, the Boss should recognize that ‘These things happen. And they will, more than likely, continue to happen.’ Imus has an Epiphany. A real ‘Lightbulb Moment’, and resolves to no longer get angry when Brant drives from Central Park West to 47th Street by way of Pittsburgh, he sees on the log that he has to read another f&^%ing ‘My Pillow’ spot…or Rob…just looks at him. Serenity now!
THE OLD I-MAN
THE NEW I-MAN
YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE DIFFERENCE
8:20:40 a.m. – Warner discusses the controversy concerning LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling, and whether the player could’ve made a stronger statement considering the team is predominantly made up of minorities, except for Hedo Turkoglu. Um…Warner? Hedo’s from Turkey…how many Turks do you know who are playing in the NBA?
KARAMAT CETINKAYA, POWER FORWARD FOR THE ISTANBUL GOATHERDS
8:36:14 a.m. – Juan Williams is on and tells the I-Man that his wife was carjacked at a gas station. Of course, the first thing Imus wants to know is… “Was the car running?” Not… “Is she okay?” or “Was anyone hurt?” or “Did you lose anything valuable?” Just “They tell you that the three things you shouldn’t do when you get gas is smoke, use your cellphone, or keep your car running.” We would add to that list “Buy sushi”. We learned the hard way.
TRUST US. YOU’D RATHER GET CARJACKED.
VIDEO OF THE DAY :
About ‘Bo Dietl Style’ Math