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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Psychos, Monday and Thursday at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 


Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe - As a children's health advocate dedicated to raising awareness of and protecting children from the numerous toxins in this world, I cannot strongly enough recommend the film “Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe.”  Read more...

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

Bonnie's Bowtie Broccoli Pasta - Recipe by Bonnie Eskenazi - For a quick and easy meal try this delicious pasta dish.

 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Vegan for Her by Virginia Messina - a blueprint for optimal health and wellness at any age, will show you how to: lower your risk for breast cancer and heart disease; manage conditions like arthritis and migraines; diminish PMs and cramps; build strong bones for life; enhance fertility; make an easy transition to a vegan diet; and incorporate principles of both fashion and compassion into your home and wardrobe.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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Inside Imus Control Center
The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Warriors pummel Rockets - the Warriors never really gave the Rockets a chance in a wire-to-wire 114-81 victory that looked headed for a blowout after just a few minutes. For those keeping score at home, the Warriors outscored the Rockets by 70 points in the six quarters after Curry went down in Game 4.

Jones and Cormier - Heated rivals Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier crossed paths for the first time as the main event of UFC 200 at Wednesday's press conference at Madison Square Garden and they didn't hold back when addressing each other.


 
 Hornets vs. Heat: Charlotte takes series lead with 90-88 win in Game 5

Luke Walton - Warriors grant Los Angeles Lakers permission to interview Luke Walton 

Recent Guests:
    Wednesday
    Jun172015

    Where's Carley?

    6:01:12 A.M. –  After Two Weeks and Two Days feeling adrift as a rudderless ship, the I-Man is finally back on the air.  He is in his Texas studio, the one he built on his ranch in Brenham, and he says, by force of habit, he looked for Carley to get his coffee.  Of course, Carley is 1700 miles away, here in New York City, so, we don’t know who is going to drive the 15 miles to the nearest Starbucks.   Maybe his Ranch Hand, T.Money, will ride one of the horses into town for the ‘Black Eyes’.  And by ‘Black Eyes’, we mean the coffee with two shots of espresso, and not what T. might get if he calls the Sherriff a ‘Pussy’.

    “LEMME GET THIS STRAIGHT…YOU RODE 15 MILES TO GET A ‘BLACK EYE’ FOR ONE OF THEM ‘NEW YORK JEEEEEEWWWS?”

    6:15:56 A.M. – The Boss provides us with his observation of The Donald’s declaration of his intention to run for president: During his campaign speech, according to Imus, Trump “…sounded like a drunk at a bar.”

    “…I BUILT THIS BAR, IT’S THE BEST BAR IN NEW YORK, EVERYBODY KNOWS IT..”

    6:22:44 A.M. – Imus has taken to watching the local news, and already has a favorite.  He’s in Houston, and his name is Dave Ward, anchor of KTRK TV Channel 13’s ‘Eyewitness News’ at 6 PM.  The Boss Googled Dave, and found out that he’s been doing news for 50 years.  And so, now when he reports it on the air, it appears to be as much of a surprise to him as it is to the viewing audience.  We can see The I-Man and Ol’ Dave becoming BFF’s…seeing that, already, they have one thing in common.  They are both 20 minutes from wandering around the Bus Station with a note pinned to their chest:  “Please take care of my Grandpa.”

    DAVE WARD.  HE’S NOT RESEARCHING A STORY…

    6:25:50 A.M. – Imus tells us that he has been the recipient of a number of texts and emails from Dwight Yoakam…wondering when the Boss would return to the air…and the minute Imus turned on his phone this morning, there was another one.  Dwight obviously has a problem with his free time so we suggest that “Somebody give Paw Paw his pills…”

    “C’MON NOW!  BRING PAW PAW HIS PILLS!!!”

    6:39: 27 A.M. I-Fave, Congressman Peter King, the Rep of the 2nd District of Long Island is the guest…and the I-Man wants to know whether or not Peter King is still thinking about running for President.  But although our boyhood dreams were to become a Major League Baseball Player, Astronaut, or President… we gave them up right around the time we stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy.  The Boss asks The Congressman if he likes Trump.  Rep. King responds that he likes Donald.  What a pussy.  Here’s a guy who wants to be president but is afraid to take a shot at one of his competitors.  NOT the guy you want to go after ISIS.

     

    7:15:37 A.M. Secure in his spot on the Trump Bandwagon, Imus says he can’t wait for the first debate in August, because, if one of the other 9 candidates insults Donald, the Billionaire will go “All Adrian Petersen” on him.  We don’t think he means that Trump will rush 100 yards, but that he will take a switch, pull down Marco Rubio’s pants and give him something to cry about…

    “I KNOW HOW TO GIVE SPANKINGS…I’M VERY VERY RICH.”

    7:17:42 A.M. – Deirdre has entered the Texas I-Studio, and the Boss remarks that, even without makeup, the I-Woman still looks pretty hot.  Now that we’re no longer on television, he wonders what shape Ol’ Lis will be in when she comes stumbling in for Blonde on Blonde later this hour. 

    LIS WIEHL

                    BEFORE MAKEUP                             AFTER MAKEOVER OVERHAUL

    7:19:26 A.M. – It appears that the I-Man is in the path of Tropical Storm Bill, which, already, has kicked up winds that, Deirdre Fears, will knock down all the trees on the Ranch.  So, it looks as if the I-Man’s pants are going to get wet this morning…which, wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened, so at least, he’ll be used to it.

    THE I-MAN, HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH AN UNIDENTIFIED MAN,

    (MIKE LUPICA)

     OBLIVIOUS TO THE ‘SITUATION’ WITH HIS ‘SITUATION’

    7:45:16 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE  or, as we like to call it… “What’s Lis’ older brother doing here in the studio?”  We kid. We kid.  Lis, taking full advantage of not being on TV is ‘Slumming’ this morning…and has ‘stumbled in’ as predicted, sporting a ponytail, flip flops and no makeup, …yet still inspires us to say ‘Now there’s a good looking woman.’  We imagine what we see in our studio is similar to what the I-Man is seeing in his…although Lis is not wearing a shirt with a neckline that goes down to her belly button.  Nah nah nah nah!  The ladies ‘discuss’ a series of issues, including Donald Trump, who Deirdre is a huge fan of.  Which is a little uncharacteristic for her.  One would not take her for a woman who finds a much older, ridiculously rich man with ‘Hair Issues’ attractive.

    OKAY…WE CAN SEE WHERE DEIRDRE WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO THIS

    7:47:47 A.M. – The I-Man asks the ladies if either of them has taken Sex Ed when they were in school.  Deirdre insisted they offer that subject when they were in school, and thus, for a long while, assumed a ‘Menstrual Cycle’ was a fancy bike ridden by someone who sings Madrigals. Lis, on the other hand, did an ‘Independent Study’…where there were many ‘Labs’…mostly after school, and generally conducted by the Boys’ Gym Teacher.

    YOUNG LIS WITH HER ‘HYGIENE’ TEACHER, ‘MR. HOWARD”

    8:05:10 A.M. Apparently, Deirdre has some ‘Microphone Issues’, where she reports that you can barely hear her.  The I-Man seems concerned about this, which is ironic, as most of the time, he enjoys the power of shutting OFF her mike.

    EFFECTS OF MIKE TURN OFF (ARTISTS’ RENDERING)

    8:40:40 A.M. Hannah Storm of ESPN is on to discuss the NBA Finals with the Boss. She finally explains how Golden State Forward Andre Iguodala won the MVP Award…even though he didn’t start in the first three games.  Hannah says that inserting him in the lineup changed the series to favor the Warriors…he was an All-Star Last Year, and was bench player this year…but came up big in the Finals.  All we know is…we are happy that Mr. Iguodala was the MVP Award Recipient over the Self- Declared Greatest Basketball Player in the World Right now, LeBron James, as Warner has no trouble pronouncing the name ‘James’.  Iguodala, however, sounded like Dr. Bill Evans saying “Meteorologist” with a mouthful of pebbles after a Massive Stroke.

    “MMHGMM MGHM MGMMGH GLGMMM”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE I-MAN’S NEW OBSESSION

    KRTV ABC 13’S DAVE WARD

    THEN:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiwRANzzaAQ

    AND  NOW:

    (DAVE KICKS IN AROUND 0:42)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XGvZF-JpYU

    Monday
    Jun152015

    Gang's All Here (Minus the I-Man)

    6:00:01 A.M. – It is the first day back from our 2 week sabbatical, and the first day we will broadcast from our new WABC Studios…which were our OLD WABC Studios, but the only difference in the program is “The Revolution Will NOT Be Televised”.  No longer will you be subjected to the I-Man’s hair.  You’re welcome.

    ACTUALLY, NOT BEING ON TV COULD QUALIFY AS A PUBLIC SERVICE

    6:05:32 A.M. – One thing that’s obvious, the I-Man is absent, currently setting up his studio in Texas, from where he will be Broadcasting as he shuttles between coasts.  (Those being the Atlantic and…The Gulf of Mexico)  The second thing that’s obvious is, Bernie is not the I-Man.  You know, because of the ‘Hair Thing’.

    IT’S A GOOD LOOK FOR HIM

    6:40:23 A.M.  – K.T. McFarland is on, and she is very happy that there are so many Republican Candidates for President.  Who isn’t happy, we imagine, is Senator Lindsey Graham, as his day will be ruined later on when Jeb Bush throws HIS hat in the ring.  And then tomorrow, when it’s rumored Donald Trump is going to announce his candidacy.  Senator Graham says he hasn’t seen this many men running for something since that Pride Parade when the ‘Cher’ Float got a flat tire.

    LOOKS LIKE ‘CHER’ HAS PUT ON A FEW POUNDS

    7:05:45 A.M. – There is a discussion about Joyce Mitchell, the woman who has been accused of aiding the two prisoners who escaped last week.  Apparently a saw blade had been smuggled into the penitentiary, employing a method known as ‘Suitcasing’…which is where objects are hidden and carried…um…in the internal nether regions of the human body. 

    OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN SMUGGLING A SAWBLADE IN YOUR BUTT

    7:40: 19 A.M. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS  , Moderated by Connell, and featuring Warner, Tony, Lou, Gunz and, making the trip from Uptown, Nat Candido.   They discuss LeBron James…and whether or not he should get MVP even if Cleveland loses.  But the camera catching him adjusting his…bits…which revealed  his ‘Little LeBron’, as Connell has nicknamed it.  Even though it’s FAR from little.  In fact, IT could win the MVP:  Most Valuable Penis.

    THIS JUNK AIN’T JUNK

    7:46:44 A.M.  – “Douche of the Week”  Either Syracuse University’s attempt to ‘Un-Retire’ Jim Brown’s Number 44 without asking him first, or Hope Solo Goalie for the US Women’s Soccer Team who has been accused of Domestic Violence against her Sister and her Nephew.  Tough call.  Depends on which you think is more heinous:  Throwing your Sister DOWN a flight of stairs, or throwing your girlfriend UP a flight of stairs. We think the latter is the more impressive feat.  In fact, we’d have to give ol’ Number 44 the MVP for that one.

    FIRST DOWN JIM BROWN

     “STOP CRYING OR I’LL THROW THIS AT YOUR HEAD…”

    8:06:11 A.M.  – Gunz reveals that he finds Joyce Mitchell, the woman accused of aiding in the escape of those two felons from the Clinton Correctional Facility in  Dannemora, New York, is…hot.  We can’t figure out if this is because Gunz has finally become more realistic about the level of woman attainable to him, or he’s smitten with her ‘Hidden Talent’. 

    STAR-CROSSED LOVERS?

    8:42:34 A.M. – Arthur Aidala has phoned in to discuss, well, the escaped prisoner situation, of course.  Not because Arthur is a Defense Lawyer himself, but because he, too, is proficient in hiding things in his butt.

    L.T. ISN’T WAITING FOR THE SNAP FROM AIDALA, BUT YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE BY THE WAY HIS SUITJACKET FITS IN THE BACK, WHERE ARTHUR LIKES TO KEEP HIS AUTOGRAPHED LAWRENCE TAYLOR FOOTBALL.

    9:03:17 A.M.  –  The other topic for discussion this morning has been the case of Rachel Dolezal, the NAACP Chapter President for Spokane Washington…who is accused of being…white.   Just because her parents and her grandparents and her Swedish/German ancestors are white, doesn’t mean she’s not black.  Just another example of ‘The Man’ trying to keep a Sister Down.

    RACHEL DOLEZAL’S ALBUM…SHE WAS HUGE IN THE 70’S

    9:29:33 A.M.  – During Warner’s Sports report, Gunz reveals he’s never seen the Classic Gene Hackman Sports Movie ‘Hoosiers’.  Or, for that matter, the iconic ‘Men’s Weepie’ Sports Movie, ‘Field of Dreams’.   Brokeback Mountain, however.  He’s seen.  A number of times.  Sometimes at Midnight Showings where he acts out the film in front of the screen like it’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

     “GUNZ…I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU!”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    “Cher” at the Portland Pride Parade.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adpUmZDnI4s 

     

    Friday
    May292015

    Happy Trails - The End of the Fox Era

    6:06:06 a.m. –   There is no joy in Mudville.  Today is our last show on the Fox Business Network, as well as our final program on television…the medium where we have been simulcast for 18 years.   “Usually when I leave a job…I’m escorted out of the building by Security.” , the I-Man says.   Well…it’s still early yet.

    WE PREDICT THAT THIS COULD VERY WELL BE HOW THE END OF THE MORNING WILL GO

    6:15:22 a.m. –  Warner is not here, and won’t be, apparently, for a  couple of weeks, and, as always is the case, NOBODY knows where the hell he went.  He NEVER tells anybody where he goes…until he returns.  Unfortunately, GUNZ is here to take his place.  The difference with Gunz doing the Sports Reports is…when he makes a mistake, it’s not because he’s confused…it’s because he’s just REALLY stupid.  Unlike Warner, Gunz doesn’t just mispronounce names…he has a hard time with the English Language in general.

    “CAT?  UM….DERIVATION PLEASE?  CAN YOU USE IT IN A SENTENCE? OKAY.  CAT.  CAT….OKAY…  C…A…R?”

    6:35:14 a.m. –    Lt. Bill Cowan is the guest.   He’s talking about ISIS and Ramadi, and how sad a day it is that today will be the last day anyone will be able to SEE the I-Man do his program.  It’s clearly a glass half full / half empty situation.  Or, a ‘Win Win’…if you liked to eat your breakfast while you were watching.

    A TYPICAL IMUS VIEWER EATING HIS ‘CUP-O-OMELETTE’ DURING THE PROGRAM.  NOTICE HOW HE GOT SOME ON HIS FAT, NAKED CHEST, IN TRIBUTE TO THE I-MAN

    7:05:04 a.m. –   A video tribute to the I-Man, produced by Carley, Ali and Jessica runs, and the Boss is deeply touched.  “It’s too long.  It needed to be edited.”  Which, coincidentally, is the EXACT same thing those three ladies have said about his lifespan.

     

    7:15:34 a.m. –    Fran Wood emails the I-Man and echoes his sentiments about the video.  Fran…stick to painting, willya?  In fact, our bathroom needs a coupla coats of semi-gloss.  Grab a brush.

    FRAN WITH HER LATEST MASTERPIECE:  ‘STILL LIFE ON BLACK VELVET’

    7:17:02 a.m. –    The control room puts up a picture of Fran, and we notice, for the first time, incredulously, how much it resembles a ‘Transgender Imus’.   No.  Really.  Even more than he already does.

    FRANIMUS:   STAGE 4 OF THE 10 STEP PROCESS OR, AS IT IS KNOWN IN MEDICAL JARGON  ‘STILL WAITING FOR A JOHNSON TO ARRIVE’

    7:40:18 a.m. –   Hollywood & Vine, featuring Imogen Lloyd Webber, Deirdre Imus, Michael Riedel, and ‘Karl from Slingblade’.  It begins with Imogen name-dropping the ‘Whistleblower’ in the FIFA controversy, who, apparently, she met on an elevator.  We’re not sure we’d use the term ‘Blow’ and ‘Elevator’ in the same sentence, but… she IS British, so it probably loses something in the translation to “Regular American”. 

    THE FIFA WHISTLEBLOWER.  THE HEADLINE HERE IS…THAT THERE WAS ACTUALLY ROOM ENOUGH IN THE ELEVATOR FOR ANYBODY ELSE

    Karl is tired of reality TV making everybody in the South look stupid…well, the operative word here, Karl is… ‘Reality’.   But still, he IS right.  Not EVERYBODY in the South is stupid.  Some of them wised up and moved North.

    WHY WOULD ANYBODY EVER THINK THAT EVERYBODY IN THE SOUTH IS STUPID?

     Deirdre’s topic is that the FDA is now warning that ‘Dermal Fillers’ are toxic.  Which at first seems like an Odd Topic for Hollywood & Vine, until we realize there is more Dermal Filler in Hollywood than there are Jews in Hollywood.  (At least that’s what Mel Gibson told us)  

    THERE’S NO DERMAL FILLER IN THERE, IS THERE?

    Finally, Riedel talkS about the creepy new show ‘Aquarius’, which is based on the Manson Family story, a hideous historical event that is detailed in the book ‘Helter Skelter’.  He suggests that Wyatt Imus, (A guest panelist this morning…looking every inch the Rodeo Star he is) read the book.   As if Wyatt doesn’t already have enough ‘Creepy’ in his life as it is.        

    HERE’S THE STORY…OF A MAN NAMED CHARLIE…

    8:05:10 a.m. –    Dr. Bill has said that it will be sad not to see the I-Man on that amazing set every morning.  The Boss says that there really is no set…it’s all smoke and mirrors.  In fact, we’re not even here. We’re holograms.  Except for the I-Man.  Who is, actually, Fran Wood.

    PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE THREE DIMENSIONAL MOVING IMAGE YOU SEE BEFORE YOU

    8:20:00 a.m  –  The I-Man screens another tribute…the one that Neil Cavuto put together and aired last night on his shows on Fox News and Fox Business.  The nearly 11 minute  video fellatio results in an Email from Mike Lupica.  “Loved the Cavuto tribute to…Cavuto.”  The I-Man has already made the observation that Neil made his leaving more about HIM than about the man who is leaving.  We smell the Lupica and Cavuto families…‘Going to the Mattresses’

    OBVIOUSLY, DON LUPICA IS STANDING ON LUCA BRASI’S STOMACH

    8:40:18  a.m. -  The Final Fox Mystery Guest is revealed…surprise, surprise…IT’S NEIL CAVUTO!  The I-Man asks Neil …who he hated the most: Frank Rich, Mike Lupica or Matt Taibbi.   We know the answer.  It’s none of those three. It’s the guy who is asking this stupid question.

    WHAT NEIL WOULD RATHER DO THAN SIT ACROSS FROM IMUS AND HAVE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS…EXCEPT HE WOULDN’T HAVE A PARACHUTE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    AS THE I-MAN BEGINS HIS NEXT CHAPTER, CONTINUING ON THE RADIO FROM TEXAS, WE REFLECT ON THE BITTERSWEET END OF AN ERA, AND LEAVE YOU WITH THE NEIL CAVUTO PIECE THAT, PRETTY MUCH, SUMS IT ALL UP

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEVk7b8SVw8 

    TRANSCRIPT:

    http://www.foxnews.com/transcript/2015/05/28/cavuto-saying-goodbye-to-don-imus/ 

    “It’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right…I hope you had the time of your life.”

                      - Green Day

    See you on the radio.

    Now, get out.

    Thursday
    May282015

    Dwight Yoakam is Sad

    6:06:06 a.m. –   “Dwight Yoakam is a selfish bastard” the I-Man says, just before we hit the air.   Seems Mr. Guitar Tightpants won’t have anything to watch on TV a 3 AM any more, now that the I-Man is leaving Fox Business.  Here’s a suggestion, Dwight.  Why don’t you get yourself a Netflix Subscription and start binge watching the first few seasons of ‘The Walking Dead’.  It’ll be just like watching the I-Man’s Program:  People stumbling around like zombies and decomposing before your eyes.

    “IS IT HUMID IN HERE?  I CAN’T BREATHE!”

    “NO, IT’S NOT THE HUMIDITY…YOUR LUNGS HAVE JUST FALLEN OUT.”

    6:19:22 a.m. –   Warner’s ‘Boo of the Week’ goes to the Florida Marlins.  They heavily promoted a ‘Fish n’ Chips Casino Party’ Charity event after last week’s day game against the Arizona Diamondbacks…and not ONE player showed up, despite advertisements that said they would.  The headline here is… that the fans showed up.

    MAYBE IT WAS JUST THAT THE CONCEPT OF ‘FISH N’ CHIPS’ WAS A WEE BIT CANNIBALISTIC

    6:40:14 a.m. –   Bret Baier is on to discuss the pertinent issues of the day…including ISIS, and whether or not he’s ever worn a blonde wig.  Baier swears he is a natural brunette.

    EVER SATURDAY, BRET COMPETES IN…PAGEANTS

    7:05:04 a.m. –   The I-Man has some tough love for Nat Candido, our TV Stage Manager.  Dissatisfied with Mr. Candido’s performance this morning, he cautions Nat that “You better start doing a better job because the people who you will be working for when I leave, will be more demanding than I am.”    Ahhhhh, Good one, Imus!

    NAT LOVES THE I-MAN SO MUCH HE GAVE HIM THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER…AND SUBSEQUENTLY CRUSHED THE CRANKY COWBOY’S LITTLE PIGEON CHEST AND COLLAPSED HIS OTHER LUNG

    7:10:55a.m. –   We learn the REAL reason why Dwight Yoakam is upset that Imus is leaving TV…apparently, he’s got a new video called ‘Liar’ that…well, loses something on the radio.   Except, using the ‘Theater of the Mind’, you can probably conjure something in your head that would be far more entertaining.

    IF WE TOLD YOU THIS WASN’T A GOOD VIDEO WE’D BE…LIARS.  SEE WHAT WE DID THERE?  WE JUST LIED.

    7:15:34 a.m. –     Warner: “You remember the words of Georges Sand, when he told Chopin ‘You play for me or you play for nobody’?”   Um…well, Warner, actually…we don’t.  We weren’t there when it happened.  As, apparently, you were.  Still, it’s somewhat arcane to use a George Sand quote to set up a clip of Minnesota Vikings’ Head Coach Mike Zimmer talking about star running back Adrian Petersen.   Who, apparently, pretty much said the same thing.  You play for me or you play for nobody.   Which seems somewhat stupid…we’re not sure Adrian Petersen even PLAYS the piano.

    ADRIAN CHOPIN AT THE PIANO COMPOSING HIS LATEST CONCERTO:

     ‘REQUIEM FOR A HALFBACK TOSS #7’

    7:40:18 a.m. –   PSYCHOS II  which begins with Deirdre being honked off at… the I-Man.  How unusual!   She has had enough of the Boss taking her cell phone and answering her texts and emails without her knowledge.  (Which, Jane Goodall, if you’re reading this, is why Deirdre sent you an email calling you  ‘The Monkey Lady’ and suggesting you sit on your banana.)   Ms. Imus then utters the line of the day… ‘I’m a Catholic and proud of it so…screw you!’    Deirdre.  The Pope called.  Your statement is now going to be part of  The ‘New ‘ Mass.  Right after the Homily, in place of the current ‘Profession of Faith.’

     “WE ARE CATHOLIC…AND PROUD OF IT…SO SCREW YOU…AMEN.”

    7:42:08 a.m. –   Alan Colmes is angry at The Duggars, stars of reality Tv’s ’19 Kids and Counting.’   He says that these people appear to be okay with sexual abuse, yet they are vehemently anti-gay.  We understand that this is an issue to which Alan has been touched by in his life…along with the other members in his Cub Scout troop.

    YOUNG ALAN.  WORKING ON HIS  ‘ENTITLEMENT’ MERIT BADGE

    7:42:08 a.m. –   Bo gives ‘Bugface’ (His Pet Name for Alan) some grief, and then scares the crap out of us by saying that ISIS will have a nuke ready to stick in the middle of Times Square…next year.  Which is both Good news and Bad news. The Bad News is that the city will have to pay a ton of overtime to the Sanitation department to clean up after the blast.  The Good News is…it’ll be a lot less crowded on New Years’ Eve so you could actually watch the ball drop.  (Sorry…we mean ‘Fewer crowded’.)

    TIMES SQUARE THE DAY AFTER

    “HEY.” “ YO.” “ HAPPY NEW YEAR.” “YEAH.  YOU TOO.”

    7:45:57 a.m. –   Gunz is upset by the ‘Corruptness’ in FIFA.  Yes.  Fordham Graduate Michael Gunzelman used the word ‘Corruptness’ in a sentence.  To be fair, it IS an actual word with an actual definition…yet ‘Corruption’ might have been a better choice so as he wouldn’t have come off as an inbred, West Virginian version of Bo Dietl.  (Who would use the word ‘Corruptization’, which IS made up)  Gunz then does something that we STILL can’t believe.  He makes a snarky, critical, unflattering, verbal assessment of Detective Dietl’s…um… ‘Beefatation’.  Um…Gunz?  Slyly suggesting that Bo’s Lady Friends are always left ‘Disappointed and Unsatisfied…that’s a sure way to wind up being recycled.  You know, as landfill. 

    LIKE ‘WHERE’S WALDO?’ CAN YOU FIND GUNZ IN THIS LANDFILL?

    GOOD JOB!  YOU ARE OFFICIALL “BALLIN’”

    7:46:01a.m. –   Bernie is upset with Al Sharpton’s untimely Tweet about the Texas Storms.  “Do you think Texas Flooding is due to Climate Control, or God’s rebuke?”   We’re not sure…but what we WILL do is think twice before we touch the ‘Climate Control’ button in our car.   

    DON’T PRESS THE ‘RAIN UP’ BUTTON ON THE LEFT…AND NEVER  TOUCH THAT BUTTON ON THE UPPER RIGHT

    8:15:10 a.m. –    The I-Man reacts to the music in George Pataki’s Campaign video… “It sounds like the theme from ‘Twin Peaks’”   he offers.   Which is not all that far from perfect.  Twin Peaks is the PERFECT image for the Pataki Campaign… “It’s dead.  Wrapped in plastic.”

    “DIANE?  THEY SAY HE WAS…THE HOMECOMING QUEEN…”

    8:17:24  a.m  –    Connell reports that the State of Nebraska has done away with the Death Penalty.  The I-Man then trumps Deirdre’s line of the day:  “It’s punishment enough just to live there.”  Boom.

    8:40:18  a.m. -  J.D. Patch, or as we know him, ‘Josh’ the Stage Manager for ‘Outnumbered’ on the Fox News Channel, has been in all morning playing songs from his new album ‘North Country’.   And ‘Country’ is the operative word here.  Josh, who hails from New York City, transforms himself when he sings…not unlike the Beatles.  His New York accent disappears, just like their Liverpudlian accents did when they sang…sounding like they hailed from the Midwest.  Not that J.D. and the band are the new Beatles…oh, far from it.  But, we were, in fact, willing to wait outside the building and shoot one of them. 

    APPARENTLY, ‘PASSED OUT ON THE SIDEWALK’ WAS INSPIRED BY THE I-MAN IN THE 70’S

     

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Well, it’s not the ‘Official Video’ (Because that hasn’t been released yet…which is a shame because it features Dwight’s Hot Girlfriend) but it IS a video, nonetheless.

    DWIGHT SINGS ‘LIAR’

    ON

    THE IMUS IN THE MORNING PROGRAM

     

    http://video.foxbusiness.com/v/4188875022001/dwight-yoakam-sings-liar/#sp=show-clips&v=4188875022001 

    Wednesday
    May272015

    Virgil, the Phony

    6:06:06 a.m. –   The I-Man blames Warner for inspiring him to jump off the New York Rangers Bandwagon, as they are forcing a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, having beaten the Tampa Bay Lightning 7-3.  The I-Man has jumped off and back on so many bandwagons, he should tie a bungee cord around his waist to make the 180 degree return trips a little smoother.

    LET’S GO RANGERS!

    6:12:22 a.m. – The I-Man responds to the news that Rick Santorum is about to throw his hat in the ring for the Republican Nomination for President. “Can’t people see that Santorum and Huckabee and all those people are abject douches?”  Yes.  But that doesn’t look all that great on a bumper sticker.

    SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM

    6:15:22 a.m. –  We learn that there is going to be a Hillary Clinton Store online, which makes the I-Man muse, “Can you get a Pantsuit T-Shirt”?   Well, yes, in fact, you can.  And like all the other garments available in the Hillary store, it’s ‘Stain-Resistant’.

    JUST RINSE UNDER COLD WATER AND THAT’LL COME RIGHT OUT

    6:20:40 a.m. –  Displaying his extraordinary NBA Insight, The I-Man tells Warner that Charles Barkley called the Golden State Warriors ‘Pit Bulls’.  This prompts Mr. Wolf to start growling.  

    HE GOT BIT…

    AND NOW, EVERY FULL MOON…

    6:35:14 a.m. –   Bill Hemmer is ‘Working on a half load.’   He didn’t get his full daily requirement of caffeine.   We’ve never heard of a ‘A Half Load’.  But a ‘Half Wit Pant Load’….we think Bill might qualify…

    ACTUALLY, WE THINK BILL COULD STAND TO DRINK DECAF

    7:05:04 a.m. –   The I-Man announces that he doesn’t feel well.  The News Trucks begin pulling up outside the studio.

    “BREAKING NEWS…MY VERY GOOD FRIEND DON IMUS IS…NOT FEELING WELL.  I WAS THERE THE MOMENT HE GOT SICK.”

    7:10:55a.m. –   Connell reports that 1700 new words were entered into the Webster’s Online Dictionary…among which are terms such as ‘WTF’ and ‘NSFW’ and ‘Jeggings’.  Which are leggings designed to look like blue jeans.   We just assumed that meant ‘Panty Hose For Fat Chicks.’

    “DO THESE JEGGINGS MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT?”

    “UM…IT’S NOT THE JEGGINGS.”

    7:40:18 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE  or, as we like to call it… “Just how old IS Lis?” The I-Man accuses Deirdre of  saying vile things to Virgil, their Norfolk Terrier.  Deirdre responds by saying that the dog is…a phony.   Why?  Because she only PRETENDS to like the I-Man just to get more organic vegan treats.

    OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF…PUPS

    7:41:36 a.m. – The Ladies discuss the case of a 65 Year Old Woman who gave birth to quadruplets via In-Vitro Fertilization.  Someone of that age having babies  runs the potential risk of children being born with problems.  For instance…with all the dust in THAT womb, those babies must’ve been born with Asthma.

    “HEY, I-MAN!    DON’T BOGART THAT OXYGEN TANK, MY FRIEND! LET US GET A HIT OFF THAT,  WILLYA? WE WILL INHALE!”

    8:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man, annoyed by the screaming of the sportscasters during the hockey game last night, and the squeaking of the sneakers during the NBA Playoffs... turned the sound off…and then, while surfing during commercials, came upon O’Reilly, who had Kimberly Guilfoyle and Lis Wiehl talking about something…but he had no idea what they were saying…because he’d turned the sound off.  “You’re not going to get a lot out of the news if you have the sound off.”  Wow.  That’s deep.  

    THE NEWS IS SO BAD, EVEN THE ANCHOR DOESN’T WANT TO  HEAR IT

    8:17:24  a.m  –    Martin Garbus wants to have dinner with the I-Man before he moves to Texas.  Hey Marvin…we watch him eat every morning.   You’ve already seen what he looks like when he puts food in his mouth…WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THAT AGAIN???   We’re still trying to get images of oatmeal dripping off his chin, and his doormat of a tongue licking the lid of a yogurt cup.   And those happened 5 years ago.

    WE DON’T KNOW WHY HE KEEPS GAINING WEIGHT.  IT’S NOT LIKE MUCH OF THE FOOD ACTUALLY WINDS UP IN HIS MOUTH

    8:20:00 a.m  –   The I-Man asks Bigfoot if the Fox Management is going to give him a little something when he leaves…and wants to be sure they all know that he has more than enough watches.  We think we have the PERFECT ‘Going Away’ gift.  Sorry, we mean a ‘Go Away.  PLEASE Go Away’ gift.  And no, not a shovel and some lime.  We’re thinking a Fox Business Network Monogrammed Oxygen Tank.  ‘The Power to Pulmonary Prosperity’

    GOOD THING THIS IS A ‘MYPILLOW’

    8:40:18  a.m. – Author, Rolling Stone Investigative Journalist, Columnist and I-Fave, Matt Taibi is on to talk about ‘Broken Windows Policing’, which is where cops write summonses for even the slightest unlawful infraction…like obstructing pedestrian traffic, or jay walking…or peeing in a phone booth.  That last one, along with the ‘Open Container’ laws…would’ve made the I-Man a Fugitive From Justice.

    “YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU?  YOU’RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ‘DON’T WALK’ SIGN?”

    “WELL, IT DIDN’T SAY  ‘DON’T ROLL’”

    “LICENSE AND REGISTRATION PLEASE”

    “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A DICK?”

    “OKAY…WISE GUY.  STEP OUT OF THE CHAIR AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE HANDLEBARS.”

     

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A DOG WHO DEFINITELY IS NOT A PHONY

    TRIUMPH, THE INSULT COMIC DOG

    AT COMIC-CON

    &

    ROB REINER’S FRIAR’S CLUB ROAST

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pq7wzcBf2k 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNk5gdh7UMg