6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man is upset because Connell ‘oversold’ Richard Sherman’s Post-Game Interview with Erin Andrews. Sherman was somewhat upset with the behavior of his opponent Michael Crabtree, and demonstrated the disdain he had for him with a mini-meltdown. We don’t know what the Boss was expecting…short of Sherman spontaneously combusting or going into a fugue state while a frustrated Ms. Andrews asked questions to his vacant stare… However, we do understand his disappointment. When it comes to ‘Meltdowns’ Imus has set the bar pretty high…
RICHARD SHERMAN…DON’T SAY ANYTHING UNTOWARD TO HIM…HE MIGHT GET…UPSET.
6:06:12 a.m. – The Boss doesn’t seem all that enthused that L.L. Cool J will be hosting the Grammys again. We hate to tell him that Billy Joe Shaver wasn’t even in the running for the job.
HEY BILLY JO! GIMME A HIGH 3/12!
6:16:32 a.m. – Imus tells us that he is taking bids from contractors to build a rodeo arena at his new property in Texas. He tells the Boss that it will cost 5 Million Dollars. It will be a great arena, Jumbotron, two restaurants, and a little playground for the kiddies. The I-Man uses great restraint by not shooting the man with his Colt .45.
THIS COWBOY CONTRACTOR IS NOT GOING TO BE ‘NAILING’ THE I-MAN ANY TIME SOON
6:27:34 a.m. – The I-Man says he won’t talk to people who won’t take off their dark glasses. Which means that he obviously doesn’t have many welder friends.
WE DON’T BLAME THE BOSS FOR NOT WANTING TO TALK TO THIS GUY. AND IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DARK GLASSES
6:40:46 a.m. – The Great Dick Gregory is on, and Imus says that he always learns something every time Mr. Gregory is a guest. Like, for instance, this morning, he learned that Dick once weighed 365 pounds. Good thing there was a war for him to demonstrate against by going on a hunger strike.
DICK GREGORY…BEGINNING HIS JUICE FAST
7:05:15 a.m. – The I-Man picked the Superbowl Teams correctly. Warner got them both WRONG, both Lou and Tony had ONE right, but the ONLY one to get both teams correct was The Boss. Something that he will graciously acknowledge this morning, and that will be the end of it… we will never hear anything about it again. Yah. And he’s going to have that contractor build a 5 Million Dollar Rodeo Arena in Brenham.
WE HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT, JUST THIS MORNING, THE I-MAN SUCCESSFULLY PREDICTED THIS MATCHUP
7:17:15 a.m. – Dagen hopes that something goes terribly wrong with the upcoming Live TV production of the Musical ‘Peter Pan’. She wants it to go like ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark’…with fly wires snapping and actors dropping to the stage. Which is a distinct possibility, when you consider that Harvey Fierstein.
EVEN IF THEY DON’T GET HIM TO FLY…PETER’S GONNA THROW ONE HELLUVA SHADOW
7:38:16 a.m. – As he does every year, the I-Man plays The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.’s profoundly moving “I Have a Dream” speech.
8:05:02 a.m. – The I-Man reasserts his prediction that Jimmy Fallon will be fabulous…he will blow the doors off. Unlike the Football Picks…we don’t see ANY chance of that happening. He picked the two top teams, both favorites…really stuck his neck out on that one.
FALLON’S GONNA ‘BREAK BAD’…HE IS ‘THE ONE WHO KNOCKS’…
8:17:34 a.m. – Warner reads a story about Jets Tight End Kellen Winslow, who was accused of pleasuring himself in a Target parking lot. We wonder if he hit the Target. Bullseye? Better wear your raincoat.
NOW WE KNOW WHY THE CALL HIM ‘THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD’
8:38:37 a.m. – Carl ‘Two Questions’ Jeffers is on to discuss Race Relations in America…and Dental Care. He mentions he’s had some work done, and the I-Man is positively SHOCKED that Carl didn’t ask for any ‘Pain Killers’. Carl says that he just takes what the Doctor prescribes. In this case, Tylenol. You just don’t get it, Carl, do you? What is wrong with you? Don’t you know the I-Man pays up to 10 bucks a pill? What are you, a Communist?
VICODIN…THEY’RE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANY MORE.
9:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man reveals that there are Hunter’s Blinds on his property in Texas. The man who is against Duck Calls is now, apparently fine with a structure designed to hide grown men with high powered rifles, so they can pick off Deer from afar. We think that falls under the ‘Dupe the Ducks’ philosophy: ‘ Bamboozle the Bucks’.
“HEY…BAMBI…AM I JUST PARANOID, OR DO YOU ALSO GET THE FEELING WE’RE BEING WATCHED?”
9:07:14 a.m. – Imus tells us all that when he is told that something is ‘Off the Record’, he doesn’t say anything about it. But if someone does provide him with some juicy tidbit, and they neglect to call ‘Ollyoxinfree’, he will report it. It’s his duty as an ‘Investigative Journalist’. Yeah, he’s a regular Edward R. Murrow. The only thing different between him and Geraldo Rivera is…nobody’s broken his nose yet.
“YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER, I-MAN. I SUGGEST TO TRAIN, YOU EAT EITHER A HOT DOG OR A HAMBURGER IN FRONT OF DEIRDRE. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WEAR A HELMET.”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
There could only be one ‘Video of the Day’ today.
And it’s not the Richard Sherman Interview.