6:05:10 a.m. – It’s the I-Man’s 19th Wedding Anniversary. The 19th is the ‘Bronze’ Anniversary, which is fitting, in that Imus was born during the ‘Bronze Age’.
TO COMMEMORATE THEIR ANNIVERSARY, DEIRDRE HAD THE SHOES SHE WORE AT THE WEDDING BRONZED
6:06:12 a.m. – Imus is not so hot on the 2013 Class of nominees to the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Linda Ronstadt? Cat Stevens? Hall n’ Oates? Where’s Terry Jacks? Where’s K.C. and the Sunshine Band? Where’s the Village People?
HALL AND OATES: THEY’RE ALSO IN THE BAD HAIRSTYLE HALL OF FAME
6:17:34 a.m. – Brian is Back!! The I-Man delivers the good news to us. The Beloved Talking Pooch from Family Guy, who died just a few weeks ago…has been…resurrected. Which would make quite a case for Brian being…Jes…we can’t even bring ourselves to say it. We will say this: ‘God’ is ‘Dog’ spelled backwards
AND ON THE THIRD WEEK…HE ROSE AGAIN, LIFTED THE ROCK, THEN LIFTED HIS LEG
6:35:46 a.m. – Brett Baier is on to discuss the NSA Spying story…but winds up having to answer the I-Man’s question about Ashley Madison, the ‘Life is Short, Have an Affair’ website. According to their membership, Washington D.C. leads the nation in adultery. Curiously, Bill Clinton accounts for 98% of the numbers.
DO MORMONS GET A MULTI-AFFAIR DISCOUNT?
7:05:15 a.m. – Country Music Legend, Ray Price, has died at the age of 87. And we’ve had a change of heart…we’d rather the I-Man go back to talking about the rodeo than going on about all the ‘hits’ this poor old goober had. The Boss even goes so far as to have Lou play a Dwight Yoakum version of a song Price didn’t even write, but once sang… Okay, okay, we get it. Ray Price is dead. But you’re KILLING us!
LOOKS LIKE HE USED UP ALL ‘THE GOOD TIMES’
7:17:15 a.m. – The I-Man can’t attend Rob’s show at Uncle Vinnies on New Years, because he is going to be in Midland Texas, although he’s not sure why. He says there’s a Mexican Restaurant down there, called ‘La Bodega’. Um…we have Mexican Restaurants here in New York. And a crap load of ‘Bodegas’. Why he has to spend 20 Grand on a Private Jet to go get a liplock on some Cheese Enchiladas…we don’t know.
YEAH, THAT’S WORTH FLYING 3 ½ HOURS FOR
7:38:17 a.m. – Barbara Walters is on to promote her 10 Most Fascinating People special, and, suddenly, things take a turn for the worse…the I-Man asks her if she had an affair with Fidel Castro. She says she’s disappointed in him for asking that question. So, according to Warner, that means ‘Yes’. It will take many years for us to get the image of Barbara Walters bumping uglies with the Cuban Dictator.
WE THINK WE SPEAK FOR THE BULK OF HUMANITY WHEN WE SAY:
8:01:02 a.m. – The I-Man and Scott Salotto are going ‘Halfsies’ on the Mega Millions Jackpot, which is currently around 600 Million Dollars. Imus has asked Scott to buy 9 tickets. He has given him one series of numbers. Scott has purchased 10 tickets. Which means there’s one ticket up for grabs. Exactly. The chances of Scott owning up to the fact that the one extra ticket was the winner, and not one that he is in on with Imus, aren’t even as good as the odds that ANY of their tickets will be winners. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. “Do you have an opening argument, Mr. Imus?” “Yeah. Where’s my money, bitch?”
YEAH, HE’LL SPLIT THE MONEY WITH IMUS. WHEN DEIRDRE ORDERS THE JUMBO RIBEYE AT RUTH’S CHRIS
8:05:12 a.m. – Warner suggests that Barbara Walters was lying when she denied having the affair with Castro. (And he hadn’t even yet seen the photo above) He says that she deflected the question with another question, which is a surefire ‘Tell’. A dead giveaway. Which is what Deirdre is going to call the Garage Sale she has after the I-Man croaks. The ‘Dead Giveaway’.
THERE’S ALSO A LOT OF BOOKS, VAN MORRISON CDS AND COWBOY MEMORABILIA
8:07:12 a.m. – The I-Man, apparently, has a ‘tight relationship’ with University of Texas President, Bill Powers. Despite the fact that, at first, he can’t remember his name. Not exactly all that good when it comes to Wyatt matriculating. Although, according to Wyatt, he ‘discovered’ ‘Matriculating’ a couple of years ago.
TWO UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS STUDENTS… ‘MATRICULATING’
8:38:37 a.m. – Matt Taibbi is on to discuss his Rolling Stone article about Camden, and the loss of their Police Force. Camden is now like blade Runner, Minority Report and Judge Dredd. Technology has turned the once dangerously scary city into the newest vacation destination. Well, maybe not that far, but…at least now you can go to Wendy’s for a Frosty without having to be armed.
AT ONE TIME, NOT EVEN SPRINGSTEEN WOULD GO HERE
9:00:18 a.m. – The I-Man keeps Matt over for the 9 O’clock hour, such is his respect for the brilliant writer. They talk about Basketball, and the fact that Matt is now the father of a 15 day old bouncing baby boy.
‘MAX’ TAIBBI: THE HEIR TO THE THRONE. AND A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK
VIDEO OF THE DAY
A THREE MINUTE AND TWENTY FIVE SECOND MUSICAL SERMON ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS