6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man is loving the Olympics, especially the Figure Skating events, which are being covered by Scott Hamilton. He speaks with Bismarck, our Official Gay Makeup person on the program, and asks what he thinks of the events, especially the Mens’ Ice Dancing: “There’s gay…and then there’s ‘Johnny Weir’ gay.” We didn’t know there were shades of Gay Grey.
WAIT A MINUTE…JOHNNY WEIR IS GAY??????
6:06:12 a.m. – Connell reads a story about Caffeine consumption. Apparently even pre-schoolers are getting their fix. Nothing like a 3 year old after a triple Espresso.
“OKAY, I’M GOING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU AGAIN…BUT FOR THE LAST TIME…NOW WATCH MY LIPS, I WANT A VENTI MOCCACHINO…AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!! GET GOING BITCH! AND FIND ME A BARRISTA WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH!!!!”
6:40:46 a.m. – Bo Monday, and today, Mr. Dietl is concerned that China will be taking over the world…and that we’ll all be speaking Mandarin. We would think he’s just being a little paranoid…but he’s got notes. He’s done research. Which leads us to believe that, perhaps, we should get used to the taste of rice very soon.
YEAH, FRANCE ONCE LAUGHED AT BO TOO. THEY THOUGHT HE WAS ‘LE CRAZY’.
AND…LOOK WHAT HAPPENED
7:05:15 a.m. – “I have to look at the new studio today.” The I-Man explains the reason for his bringing his oxygen tank with him. He immediately covers his mouth with both hands like “Speak No Evil” He’s said something he wasn’t supposed to. New studio? WHAT new studio? Is he selling the Penthouse? Or is Deirdre kicking him out and he has to rent a ‘Bachelor Pad’? We are determined to get to the bottom of this…
“THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL UNIT…ALL WOOD FLOORS, NEAR THE SCHOOLS, JUST A HALF A BLOCK FROM PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, GREAT SUNLIGHT, SOUTHERN EXPOSURE…IT’S A STEAL. IS THE FACT THAT IT’S A 5TH FLOOR WALK UP A PROBLEM?”
7:17:15 a.m. – We discover that the I-Man’s oxygen tank is dangerously close to his space heaters. He is under the false assumption that it takes an open flame for it to be an explosion risk. Dagen Googles the situation, and informs us that ‘Space Heaters are at the top of the list right underneath Camp Fire and Acetylene Torch’ in terms of the danger. He has Tony take it away. We can’t help but notice Mr. Powell kinking the hose.
IT’S A GOOD THING THOSE TIBETAN MONKS SHOWED UP
WITH THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER, I-MAN
7:28:16 a.m. – The Boss is concerned with the possibility that Keith Urban may be wearing a wig. Between Bernard’s observation, and Dagen’s research with a celebrity Hair Stylist, the preponderance of evidence suggests that the Aussie Country Singer is, in fact, going ‘Full On Luntz’. We are examining ‘Before’ and ‘After’ photos.
KEITH URBAN. IF HE BOUGHT THE HAIR ON THE RIGHT, HE’S DUE A MAJOR REFUND
7:38:16 a.m. – Laura Ingraham is on, and the I-Man uses her as an expert on the conditions in Sochi, because she adopted two Russian children. That’s like asking Woody Allen about Chinese Food because he’s married to Soon Yi.
WOODY, IN BED WITH HIS FAVORITE ‘TAKE OUT’ :
“SUM YOUNG GAL”
8:05:02 a.m. – Geraldo is a surprise guest this morning, to comment on his blowout with Bill O’Reilly last Friday. He goes on about how O’Reilly, regardless of his opinions about the President, needed to give the office of the President the respect required. And then spends the rest of his time on the air to kiss the I-Man’s ass so fervently, we’re surprised he didn’t break his nose again…as far up the Boss’ sphincter as he placed it. Good news is, Imus doesn’t have to go to Dr. Katz for his monthly prostate exam. Geraldo said it’s ‘A-Okay’.
“HEY, I-MAN…I NEED TO LOOK UP THERE AGAIN, I THINK I LOST MY WATCH.”
8:17:34 a.m. – The Boss asks Warner to weigh in on the Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow controversy. Warner is impressed with Woody’s denial in The Times. Imus takes umbrage with Woody’s phrase: ‘The heart wants what the heart wants.’ “Well put another quarter in the machine, Woody! And he’s bitching about paying child support for Ronan because Mia Farrow claims it’s Frank Sinatra’s kid?”
OLD BLUE EYES’ KID? OR OLD FOUR EYES’ KID?
RONAN (C) IS THE SPITTING IMAGE OF HIS FATHER (R)
8:38:37 a.m. – Leif Babin is in, for no other reason than to make us feel inferior and inadequate as human beings. The fact that we are actually considered in the same species is somewhat…specious. He talks about his company, ‘Echelon Front’. Well, Leif, we don’t care WHAT you do for a living. As long as you don’t hurt us.
WE THINK HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATELY DRESSED TO ADDRESS YOUR NEXT BOARD MEETING BUT…YOU TELL HIM THAT.
9:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man notes that our weatherman, “Dr.” Bill Evans, has had a cold for the past few weeks…sounding VERY nasal. The I-Man is very sympathetic. He had the same ‘cold’ for most of the 70’s….AND half the 80’s.
MAYBE YOU’D LIKE SOME ROBITUSSIN, DR. BILL?
VIDEO OF THE DAY
TWO VERSIONS OF A CLASSIC
YOU DECIDE WHO IS WEARING THE WIG