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    Monday
    Sep302013

    You Just Can't Get Too Much of Billy Joe Shaver

    6:05:00 a.m.  –   The I-Man is happy that he didn’t invest five years in watching ‘Breaking Bad’.  He says he’s never getting involved in a TV series again.  Unless of course, that ‘Whittaker Chambers’ project ever gets greenlit by CBS…you know, the one with the Eagles Soundtrack.

    JESSE AND WALT DON’T SEEM TO BE TOO BROKEN UP OVER THE I-MAN’S CRITICISM

    6:07:56 a.m. – Connell reports that the Government Shutdown is imminent…however there is good news.  Air Traffic Controllers are still working.   So, hopefully, there will be no Pink Teddy Bears in your Swimming Pool.

    THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT?  WELL, IT’S MORE LIKE THE STUFFED ANIMAL EFFECT

    6:15:12 a.m. –  The I-Lesson of the Day:  Don’t Project.  He and Wyatt went to support Deirdre who was winning an award from the Canary Project for her many charitable works, and the I-Man was dreading the experience as it had ‘tedious’ written all over it.  Until he showed up…and HAYES CARLL was there!   So there you go, Boys and Girls…you think something might suck?  Show up anyway.  Because Hayes Carll could be there.

    “HEY!  WYATT! IS THAT HAYES CARLL?”

    6:25:34 a.m. –  Billy Joe Shaver is here, and admits that he would NOT find Hayes Carll’s presence at any event, a welcome addition.  He’s not a fan.  Apparently, Hayes used to open for Billy Joe.  And take up all the time…leaving Billy Joe no stage time, and, therefore, no paycheck.  We would advise Hayes to avoid being in the same room with Billy Joe.  This is a man who shot a dude in the face for making an untoward comment to his wife.   Hayes would wind up leaving the EARTH for Jesus.

    “I’M COMIN’ FOR YOU, CARLL!”

     WE’D GET OFF THE STAGE IF WE WERE YOU, HAYES.

      BILLY JO’S GOT A GUN

    6:40:28 a.m. –  Bo Dietl.  We’re not sure, but we think we actually heard Bo say the words, ‘God Bless my Muslim Brothers’.   We’re not sure exactly what that means.  Either BO has had an epiphany…or he’s been smoking that sweet blue ‘Shabu Shabu’ Walter White’s been cooking.

    “TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT!”

    7:09:22 a.m. – In light of the impending government shut down, If you’re a ‘non essential’ government employee…you might want to reconsider your career choices.   Okay, Smokey?

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘TAKE THE NEXT FEW WEEKS OFF WITHOUT PAY?  I GOT A MORTGAGE, DAMMIT!’

    7:22:57 a.m. –  Imus has a coughing fit, which makes him unable to stop Connell from reading a number of HIDEOUS stories, one of the worst being the man who walked into the rotor blades of his own helicopter…while attempting to retrieve his hat.  Which is the definition of irony.  He won’t be needing that hat any more.

    “THIS MAY BE A MOOT POINT, BUT MY NECK IS A 7 5/8 “

    7:15:46 a.m. – Dagen ponders the ‘alignment’ of Ricky Stenhouse Jr. and his recent lady love, Danica Patrick.  They are both diminutive in stature…which leads one to a visual of Chris Bosh and HIS wife.

    MR. & MRS. BOSH: WE HOPE SHE WORKS WITH A NET

    7:40:19 a.m. –  Bill O’Reilly is on to promote his new book KILLING JESUS.   Bill has a number of theories about the Son of God…one of which being he may be it himself.  He certainly has more followers than Christ.  4 Million as opposed to 12 Disciples, who, for the most part, are pretty much useless.

    BILL PICKED UP THE CHECK.  BECAUSE THAT’S JUST HOW HE IS

    8:16:33 a.m. –   The I-Man is coughing more than usual this morning.  We think he’s got a frog in his throat.   It used to be a Prince.

    THIS IS WHY IMUS IS COUGHING

    8:21:12 a.m. –   The I-Man notes that people never make eye-contact with him at events, such as the one last Friday at the Canary Project.  Maybe he doesn’t realize they don’t want to turn into stone.

    MEDUSA ACTUALLY HAS BETTER HAIR

    8:41:56 a.m. –   More Billy Joe Shaver music!   What a sweet, funny, talented man.  We just wouldn’t want to cross him.  He once shot a man in Reno…just to watch him die.

    NOW THAT’S OUTLAW COUNTRY

    9:11:37 a.m. –  Imus wonders who Bill O’Reilly dedicated his book to.  We’re assuming Judas Iscariot.  “I’d like to thank the man who was singularly responsible for making this book a N.Y. Times Bestseller.  I owe you 30 pieces of silver.”

    JUDAS DOES A ‘MICHAEL CORLEONE’… ‘YOU BROKE MY HEART, JESUS. YOU BROKE MY HEART…”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T GET TOO MUCH OF BILLY JOE SHAVER

    AND BECAUSE THE SUBJECT OF THIS CLASSIC SHAVER SONG IS MORE THAN APROPOS THIS MORNING

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MbF0bc7iEs 

     

    Friday
    Sep272013

    Breaking Bad

    6:05:00 a.m.  –   The I-Man has just joined the legions of ‘Breaking Bad’ fans,  and has watched 5 episodes so far, but can’t devote any more time to viewing any more of them, and so the staff attempts to ‘Bring Him Up To Speed’ on the 5 Seasons.  It’s like trying to explain an iPad to an Amish Farmer.

    THERE’S A WHOLE LOT TO EXPLAIN…WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN UP TO THE PINK TEDDY BEAR

    6:17:56 a.m. –   We realize, after 12 minutes of discussion of ‘Breaking Bad’, that we’ve essentially ‘spoiled’ the show for those newbies who are currently watching the marathon on AMC in an attempt to be caught up for Sunday’s finale.  When we bring this information to the I-Man’s attention, he is sympathetic.  “F#&% ‘em.”

    COMING SOON:   A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE KIDS

    6:25:34 a.m. – The I-Man notes that the Starbucks that he and Brant go to each morning is supposed to open at 5 A.M.   They’ve decided to wait until 5:30 A.M. for some reason…but as soon as they see Brant, they immediately begin preparing the I-Man’s beverage, a ‘Black Eye’…black coffee with two shots of espresso .  Starting Monday, he is instructing Brant to ask for something different.  Just to make them pay for making him wait a half hour all this time.  Don’t mess with the I-Man.   Especially before he’s had his coffee.

    “THE ONE ON THE LEFT HAS THE PEE IN IT”

    6:40:28 a.m. –  Bret Baier is on and shares a simultaneously heartbreaking/heart-warming story about his son, who has had 3 open heart surgeries, the first at 10 days old, the second at 10 months and just recently, at 5 years old.  Bret shares the good news that ‘You’d never know to look at him’, that he was born with so many defects.  Every once in awhile, SOMEBODY gets a break.  Bret, obviously had to pay for his blessing by enduring an interview with the I-Man.

    BRET AND HIS SON…WHO LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE A FIGHTER

    7:05:45 a.m. –  Carley tries to tell the I-Man that there are two spots for him to record this morning.  He informs her that he can’t hear her, and so she speaks louder.  This irritates the Boss, who begins ranting ‘Stop talking!’  A discussion on the air reveals that Imus realizes that he may have hurt Carley’s feelings.  She assures him he has not.  She just wants him to ‘Stop Breathing!’

    AS BILL ENGVALL WOULD SAY:  ‘HERE’S YOUR SIGN’

    7:09:22 a.m. – I-Man begins to plug Bernie’s appearance on ‘Red Eye’  ‘Tonight at 3 A.M.’ and Bernard informs him that this is incorrect, he’s actually appearing on Bill O’Reilly’s program.  Meghan has not only mixed up his appearances, but she’s also made a ‘Time Faux Pas’.  3 A.M. is not tonight, it’s tomorrow morning.  We wouldn’t know…it’s way past our bedtimes.

    THE MOST ACCURATE CLOCK WE KNOW…IT JUST DOESN’T WORK AT NIGHT

    7:15:57 a.m. –   Imus questions Connell’s use of the phrase ‘Breaking News’.  The story is about a vote in the U.N…which, in the I-Man’s estimation, is not weighty enough to be considered ‘Breaking’.   Okay.  How’s ‘Hot Off The Wire’?  Or... ‘This Just In’?    Here’s what’s NOT breaking news:  The I-Man’s a moron.

    “ROB IS FAT.”   OOPS, THAT’S NOT BREAKING NEWS EITHER.

    7:40:19 a.m. –  Peter King is the guest.  Of all the Kings we could’ve had, we get stuck with this one.  A congressman.  Who, Imus maintains is one of his favorite guests, so when Congressman King complains that he hasn’t been on the program in 7 months, that status rapidly changes.  “You’re an o.k. guest.  You’re no Neil Cavuto….or Deirdre Imus.”   He’s not B.B. King either.  Or Burger King for that matter.

     CONGRESSMAN KING HAS A BONE TO PICK.  HE ATE ALL THE MEAT ALREADY.

    8:05:33 a.m. –   There is a story about Newark Mayor Corey Booker’s ‘Twitter Pal’.   Apparently, she’s a ‘Vegan Stripper’.  We don’t know if she’s an Organic Vegan Stripper, but the I-Man wants to know if  “…She will eat ANY meat?”

    NOW THAT’S  WHAT WE CALL A ‘VEGAN STRIPPER

    8:21:12 a.m. –   Bigfoot runs a clip of a ‘Roided Up’ I-Man, back when his doctor had him on prednisone for his breathing problems.  He’s got such a bloated face, he looks like Mason Reese.

    THE I-MAN ON STEROIDS

    8:40:56 a.m. –   Kevin emails the I-Man about his hat.  Wait a minute, Kev, you want to SEE his face?  You realize we ARE on TV don’t you?  Think about the viewers!

    WE’RE GLAD YOU STOPPED TAKING THE STEROIDS, I-MAN

    8:50:17 a.m. –  A guy dressed like Captain America appears outside of our 6th Avenue window.  The I-Man is late to the viewing party, and misses him.  “Where is he?”  We inform him that ol’ Cap has headed down the street… “Was it some guy DRESSED UP like Captain America?”   Um…no, Imus.  It was the real superhero.  Oh look!  Santa Claus!

    CAP, HAWKEYE AND BLACK WIDOW…HEADING FOR THE N TRAIN

    8:55:19a.m. –  Connell has been playing a clip from the courageous tourist who got hit by the taxi in midtown last month.  She lost a leg in the accident, and has finally been released from the hospital and says she’s looking forward to going back home to England to continue working on her new Fashion Line.  We assume she’s going to adjust the design to accommodate some One-Legged Pantsuits.

    FROM THE ‘HEATHER MCCARTNEY COLLECTION’ 

    WE KNOW.  WE’RE GOING TO HELL.

    9:05:37 a.m. –   Warner suggests that if the I-Man were to watch just one scene of ‘Homeland’, he’d never watch another episode of ‘Breaking Bad’ again.  Warner says it’s about ‘What’s going on now.’   Yeah, because nobody’s cooking Meth in Albuquerque these days.

    WARNER…EVEN THEY ARE GOING TO BE WATCHING BREAKING BAD ON SUNDAY!

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SO YOU CAN GET CAUGHT UP IN 9 MINUTES TO GET READY FOR THE FINAL EPISODE:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovlK-WXJ-pQ

     

    Thursday
    Sep262013

    RIP Twinky

    6:05:00 a.m.  –   “It’s a sad day in the Imus Family today.   The gerbil died…so Bismarck isn’t here. “   Bismarck and his husband, Wilbert, will be holding a wake at the “Rainbow Bridge Funeral Home”…viewings from 2-4 and 7-9 with funeral and internment at the ‘Special Friends’ Pet Cemetery.

    R.I.P. “TWINKY”

    MAY 15, 2011 – SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

    6:07:56 a.m. – Apparently, Father Jonathan Morris is stealing from the I-Man.  Imus had a phone conversation with the Good Father about the Gospels, and he noticed that he made the same points the I-Man did, when Morris appeared with Bill O’Reilly.  A Priest, stealing from the Devil.  It’s one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse.

    IT’S LIKE ARM WRESTLING FOR SOULS

    6:18:12 a.m. –   Warner plays a radio call from the Brewers/Braves game last night, where the announcer coins a new phrase, that is, actually, ‘Warner Worthy’:  “Proctometrist”.   Which, we believe, is an eye doctor who looks up into the nether regions of his patients.

    “OKAY, NOW, READ THE CHART”

    6:40:28 a.m. –  Stuart Varney defends his bringing his lunch from home, by saying that he’s merely being ‘thrifty’.  It then degenerates into who had it worse coming up, himself, or the I-Man.  The I-Man was homeless, and stood in the rain for 14 hours with zero money trying to get to L.A. from Arizona.  Stuart once was so hungry he almost killed a seagull over a half eaten sandwich.  Now, look at them.  Imus has more money than God and still looks like he’s standing out in the rain, and Stuart is still crazy enough to kill a seagull.  And then eat it.

    “HEY CHARLIE!  WATCH OUT!  THAT WEIRD, LIMEY DUDE IS LOOKIN’ AT YOU!”

    7:03:22 a.m. –  Dr. Bill uses his Porno Weatherman voice during his forecast.  It’s strangely unsettling.  We can almost hear him saying… “Hey baby…my barometer is rising…there’s a high pressure system coming your way.”

    THIS IS THE KIND OF ‘WEATHER PORN’ WE’RE TALKIN’ ABOUT

    7:15:57 a.m. – Tony’s ‘Powell to the People’ segment airs, where 6 out of 10 people picked Gunz as a likely  killer from a board that also had pictures of Ted Bundy, Scott Petersen and Aaron Hernandez.  He reveals that Carley was with him to produce the shoot, and for some reason, when she asks men if they are willing to stop and answer a question for her…she has NO problem.  They will answer anything she asks.  Unfortunately, it’s Tony who is doing the asking, BUT, they stare at her while they answer anyway.  Carley is kind of the TV Carrot being dangled in front of the donkeys on the street.

    AN ASSET TO ANY ‘MAN ON THE STREET’ INTERVIEW

    7:40:19 a.m. – The Mensa Meeting.  While excoriating Miley Cyrus for ‘Twerking’ at the VMAs Gunz asserts that Madonna and Kate Upton could have done it and no one would have taken issue with either of them. So, in his opinion, “They EARNED the RIGHT to Twerk.”   We assume they obtain license by taking some kind of test.

    MILEY TWERKING ‘BEETLEJUICE’ AT THE VMAS

    7:48:19 a.m. –   Gunz is sporting a haircut that…well, let’s just say you’ve seen better ‘dos on a Chia Pet than the “Heat Miser” look he’s going for.  Or ‘Beaker’ from the Muppets.

    GUNZ…SPORTING HIS NEW HAIRCUT

    7:55:29 a.m. –   “Hey Carley, I’m still hungry.  What do they have to eat over there?” Imus asks, referring to Starbucks.  Carley lists the options; they include another yogurt, a bagel, or a banana.  NOBODY.  NO BOD DEE wants to see Imus eat a Banana.  It’s like watching Geriatric Porn.  Frustrated, Carley offers:  “Why don’t you have a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Sandwich?”   Yet ANOTHER reason why we love this woman.

    PARAPHRASING ‘BLURRED LINES’: C’MON, I-MAN.  YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE

    8:01:33 a.m. –   Dr. Bill is under the misguided notion that it was the I-Man’s Gerbil that passed away, not Bismarck’s.   Imus VIGOROUSLY denies that it’s his.  We think he doth protesteth too much.  NOBODY ever admits that the gerbil belongs to them.  It certainly would explain those sudden jumps and squeals of pain during the program that he claims are ‘leg cramps’

    FYI: DON’T PUT THE WHEEL UP THERE AS WELL

    8:15:12 a.m. –   Warner shares a story about Alden Smith, the 49er Defensive End, who has checked himself into rehab for Alcohol Abuse.  A recent party he threw ended with him firing a gun into the air to signify that the event was over.  We guess nobody got the hint by his just turning on the lights. 

    “LOOK AT THE RINGS ON THAT COFFEE TABLE!  AIN’T NONE OF YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF COASTERS?”

    8:21:56 a.m. –   Bismarck’s cover for his absence, the Lovely Dawn, comes out on set to ‘powder off’ the I-Man…which is like putting touch up paint on the Hindenburg.  When Imus asks why Bismarck never does touch ups…we inform him that Dawn just hasn’t figured out what Bismarck did year ago…it’s pretty much a Sisyphean effort. (ARCANE, CONDESCENDING LITERARY REFERENCE ALERT!)

    SISYPHUS.  DUDE.  IT’S JUST GONNA ROLL RIGHT BACK DOWN.

    8:40:37 a.m. – Juan Williams is on, talking Ted Cruz, the Redskins and the Washington Nationals.  What do these topics have in common?   None of them are going to go anywhere any time soon.

    A VALID POINT…MADE BY THE I-MAN MANY TIMES BEFORE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    INSPIRED BY STUART VARNEY AND THE I-MAN’S SPIRITED DISCUSSION ON BEING HUNGRY, A CLASSIC SCENE FROM CHARLIE CHAPLIN

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY0DOnNK3Wg

     

    Wednesday
    Sep252013

    Men With Plastic Surgery

    6:05:00 a.m.  –   “Other than to correct a deformity, name ONE person who looks better with plastic surgery.”   The I-Man is referring mostly to men, Kenny Rogers and Bruce Jenner…who both look like old Asian women.   We don’t know why they just didn’t embrace their  wrinkles…celebrate the Sharpei-like flesh folds that create ‘character’…you know, like the I-Man.

    CARROT TOP…LOOKS LIKE KATHY GRIFFIN

    6:07:56 a.m. –  A short walk down memory lane with Imus, as he relates a story about a ‘Radiothon’ Fundraiser to help build a Drug Abuse Center, in which he stayed on the air for 58 hours…with the use of Black Beauties.

    THESE LADIES HELPED THE I-MAN STAY AWAKE

    6:15:12 a.m. –  Imus watches a clip of Senator Ted Cruz’s filibuster and asks the question:  What happened to all the GREAT Senators like Lyndon Johnson, Estes Kefauver, Everett Dirkson?   Um……well, I-Man…they’re dead.

    SENATOR EVERETT DIRKSON…WE HARDLY KNEW YE

    6:40:28 a.m. –  K.T. McFarland is on to discuss the U.N. General Assembly taking place in Manhattan today, which is totally screwing up traffic like you wouldn’t believe.  It’s nice to know what idiotic, global political, bulls#** going on that’s causing it to take an hour and 45 minutes to go six blocks.

    THANKS A LOT, BAN KI MOON

    6:45:45 a.m. –  Imus asks K.T. what she does in her spare time… Watch Sports?  Breaking Bad?  She does neither.  “Does Mr. McFarland tie you up?”   She responds:  “Why?  Are you bringing a camera?”   Just as we suspected.  K.T. is a FREAK.

    A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE MCFARLANDS

    7:05:22 a.m. – The I-Man is looking for blood.  He wants to know who is responsible for the five seconds of silence after the Weather Report.  We learn that Crash has been compensating for the I-Man’s conversations with Dr. Bill.  Never mind.  Crash is a genius.

    NO, THAT’S NOT THE SIGN THAT LIGHTS UP WHEN JOHN GAMBLING TURNS HIS MIKE ON

    7:10:57 a.m. –  Imus continues bemoaning the slide in quality of Senators…he blames Chuck Schumer for starting the trend.  “This is the guy who gave you Anthony Weiner.”   Yes, he did, and, on behalf of comedians everywhere…we’d like to thank Chuck from the bottom of our hearts. 

    SENATOR SCHUMER DEMONSTRATING WHAT CONGRESSMAN WEINER’S WEINER LOOKS LIKE

    7:16:19 a.m. –  “A big shout out to the Iranian President”.   The I-Man welcomes Hassan Rouhani to the United States.  They have a lot in common.  Both have millions of followers, both are controversial figures and both are sponsored by ‘My Pillow’.

    AND THEY BOTH WEAR INTERESTING HATS

    7:40:19 a.m. –  Blonde on Blonde is particularly contentious this morning, the topics ranging from Children’s Beauty Pageants to Low Fat Fast Food Fries.  Topics that cause Lis to get defensive and the top of Deirdre’s head to explode.    Lis should just cut her losses and put the dunce cap on at the beginning of the segment.

    THE IRONY IS…THE MOTHERS OF THE BEAUTY PAGEANT CONTESTANTS WON’T LET THEM EAT THESE

    8:05:33 a.m. –   “Who pinches off a loaf in a pool?”   Not the kind of question you would begin an interview with, but it’s the one the I-Man asks after relating a story about Wyatt’s encounter with a “Fecal Incident” in a swimming pool at some Texas Resort.  “How would one go about doing that?”  he wants to know… ‘Elvis’ says… “Well…first you get up on the diving board…”  What’s troubling is that the I-Man actually wants to know.  Is he planning on doing something we don’t know?

    BETTER HOPE THAT’S A ‘BABY RUTH’

    8:16:12 a.m. –   Imus notes that Michael Douglas AND Catherine Zeta-Jones are sharing a birthday today, and that Mr. Douglas is “69…which is what led to that Throat Cancer.”  

    GENTLEMEN…WHEN YOU ‘DO YOUR OLD LADY A FAVOR’…MAKE SURE YOU LOOK OUT FOR THIS…

    8:41:56 a.m. –   Neil Cavuto is on from Washington, D.C. to cover Ted Cruz’s ‘Fillibuster’.  “Eddie Munster called, he wants his hair back.”  Imus tells him.  “Beetlejuice called…he wants his soul back…” comes Cavuto’s witty retort.  Check…and Mate.

    CAVUTO AND THE I-MAN HAVE A LITTLE ‘CHAT’

    9:11:37 a.m. –  The I-Man is inspired by Fat Elvis to get himself a Peanut Butter and Bacon Sandwich.  Well, not quite peanut butter…almond butter…and not exactly bacon…vegetarian ‘Fakin’ Bacon’…all on sprouted whole grain toast.   Which, should our instincts be correct, will taste about as much like the real thing as square of roofing material with carpet glue and popsicle sticks.

    YOU WOULD RATHER EAT THIS PALLET OF CEDAR SHAKE SHINGLES THAN THAT FAKIN’ BACON SANDWICH

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SPEAKING OF ‘DOODY IN THE POOL’

    THE CLASSIC SCENE FROM ‘CADDYSHACK’

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYrY8aFCUCQ

    Tuesday
    Sep242013

    Warren Haynes is Here!

    6:05:00 a.m.  –   Warren Haynes and Govt. Mule are on today, and it’s gonna get all bluesy up in here.  The I-Man tells Warren that he has him on his ‘Rodeo Playlist’.   Warren appears to be ‘underwhelmed’.  There’s two reasons why.  He has no idea what the hell the I-Man’s ‘Rodeo Playlist’ is.  Two, he’s Warren Haynes…he should be on EVERYBODY’S playlist.

     

    6:07:56 a.m. –  “Congratulations to Lou Rufino and Nat Candido for being drunk before I arrived.”  Imus commenting on yesterday’s golf outing.  What did he expect?   It’s really just a mathematical equation: Lou + Nat + Free Beer = Drunk.

    “…WHA?  NAH…NO…NO…I’M FINE.  I’M FINE.  I CAN DRIVE.”

    6:15:12 a.m. – Dagen admits to having an itty bitty ‘crush’ on Mike Breen.  When Imus reminds her that they are both, supposedly, ‘happily’ married, she says she can admire him from afar and watch him do some play by play.   “Lebron takes it to the hole and slams it in.”  And then she has a cigarette.

    THIS IS WHAT ‘MAKES IT MOVE’ FOR DAGEN?  WE GUESS HE’S JUST NOT OUR TYPE

    6:25:34 a.m. –  Warner tells the I-Man a gruesome story about how tough NFL Players are, Arizona Cardinals Rashad Johnson lost the top part of his finger in a 31-7 loss…and even after he discovered the finger missing…continued to play.  We learn Cowboy Radio Hosts aren’t nearly as tough.  Imus nearly urps up his yogurt. 

    IT COULD’VE BEEN WORSE…HE COULD’VE SEVERED HIS JOHNSON

    6:40:28 a.m. –  Warren Haynes blows us all away with his first song.  It’s SIX F&*%ING FORTY IN THE MORNING!  Although it’s probably  8:30 P.M.  ‘Band Time’.  

    THESE DUDES KNOW HOW TO ‘BRING IT’…AS EARLY AS YOU WANNA BE

    7:05:22 a.m. – Imus informs us that, in addition to his ‘Rodeo Playlist’, he has a ‘Jazz Playlist’.  Does he have a ‘Rest Home Playlist’?  Because this obsessive compulsion to make these playlists make us think that maybe it’s time for the Old Cranky Cowboy to get a room at Shady Acres.

    THE I-MAN LISTENING TO HIS ‘HIP REPLACEMENT’ PLAYLIST

     (ARTISTS RENDERING)

    7:12:57 a.m. – The I-Man met the folks from Ateevia last night, the ones who were responsible for the amazing pain cream he’s been humping on the air for the last month or so.  Unfortunately, they were, what Seinfeld called ‘Close Talkers’…the kind of people who feel like they need to be a half inch from your face to hold a conversation with you.  This behavior usually manifests itself at Weddings and family Thanksgivings…after Uncle Ted has had his 8th glass of Rye.  “Yew know…your fatherrrr…he thinks he’s such a big sssssshhhhhot…”

    “HEY….HEY…LISSEN…LISSEN…I LOVE YOU MAN!”

    7:30:19 a.m. –  Govt. Mule kicks ass again.  Another reminder why we actually like to get up and come to work every morning.   Aside from seeing the  I-Man, of course.

    THIS FEELS WEIRD…NOT HAVING SMOKED A JOINT EARLIER

    7:43:19 a.m. –  Columnist Stanley Crouch is on to promote his new book Kansas City Lightning:  The Life and Times of Charlie Parker.  We know this is the beginning of a new Imus obsession…replacing ‘Astral Weeks’, The Eagles Documentary, and Whittaker Chambers.  Over the next few weeks, we will be listening to the ENTIRE  ‘Bird’ catalogue, treated to various ‘anecdotes’ about his life…and developing our own 500 dollar a day Heroin Habit.

    CHARLIE ‘BIRD’ PARKER AND THE YOUNG DON IMUS AT THE BLUE NOTE

     (CIRCA 1957)

    8:05:33 a.m. –   Stanley Crouch is such a compelling guest, he’s a holdover through the top of the hour.  His stories about Charlie Parker are fascinating…even CONNELL is hanging on his every word. 

     

    “MR. MCSHANE…MR. MCSHANE…CAN YOU STOP WRITING FOR JUST ONE SECOND AND LISTEN?”

    8:41:56 a.m. –   Warren Haynes explains the concept of the new album ‘Shout!’, which has 11 new songs.  It’s a Two Disc affair, one with Warren singing lead vocals, and the other disc with guest artists, such as Steve Winwood and Elvis Costello, singing their versions of the same song.  This, of course, is an idea that takes some time for the I-Man to wrap his head around. 

    THIS ALBUM DROPS TODAY!!

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

     

    THE GREAT CHARLIE PARKER WITH COLEMAN HAWKINS

    FROM 1950

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta_UByyi4Z0