5:45:09 a.m. – We get to the Green Room early this morning, so we can check Lis Wiehl’s ‘Our Time’ dating mailbox. She’s received 8756 responses to her profile! We would like to highlight a few of the more promising potential suitors:
6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man says that Soccer sounds much better on the radio. We are of the opinion that Soccer LOOKS much better on the radio too. In fact, it’s the best when both the TV AND the radio are turned off.
6:08:14 a.m. – Good news. Bill Powers will remain the President through the 2014-2015 Season, as well as the next Legislative Session and then return to the Law School where he will teach. Not so fast there, Governor Perry, you Four-eyed, mouth-breathing, Mexican-Hater.
GOVERNOR PERRY LAST CINCO DE MAYO
6:11:30 a.m. – Lori Rothman, (Whose Birthday was yesterday, as she so readily and pathetically told us) informs us that her loving husband, MISTER Rothman, or ‘Frodo’, will take her to Mohegan Sun this weekend. Apparently, her birthday present is a comped room and free tickets to see Adam Lambert be Freddie Mercury in ‘Queen’. We’re not sure if he’s taking her to dinner, but we’re almost positive he’s got coupons for the restaurant. So thoughtful, really going out of his way to make Lori’s 55th Birthday a special one. We are, however, somewhat ‘troubled’ by the fact that they are going to see ‘Queen’. We realize “You Should Never Pass Up Free Tickets” …but we also thought the tag line to that adage was “…unless they’re for a Queen Concert.” Adam Lambert as Freddie Mercury? If Lori’s not a fan, we have SERIOUS concerns about FRODO. We wonder if he is ready to ‘Come out of the Cabinet’?
6:37:07 a.m. – The Great Dick Gregory is here again, for the second time in as many weeks, but the special treat is…he’s here LIVE! IN PERSON! He walks into the Green Room and immediately pulls Tony aside and whispers something to him. Rob asks Tony what’s going on…Tony’s reply? “It’s a black thing, you wouldn’t understand.” Rob only hopes that when the Revolution goes down it A- WILL be televised, and B- He’ll be spared because of his longtime friendship with Tony.
ROB’S JOB AFTER THE ‘REVOLUTION’
6:46:22 a.m. – Dick Gregory, as is his style, ‘Pulls our coat’ to a myriad of subjects. He is part philosopher, part professor, part prophet and 100% Original. There is a difference between being REALLY SMART and REALLY WISE. Dick is both. I-Man observes that EVERYBODY likes Dick Gregory. Even Joseph Abboud, who emailed The Boss after the interview, loves Dick. And he thinks Mr. Gregory is pretty good too.
7:05:28 a.m. – The I-Man is very happy that Bill Powers is still the President of the University of Texas. He makes the following statement. “This has nothing to do with me.” Of course we Bjhiorhiohaibo;hioe;ahgiahio;ahgio;rahgioa;rfhbr;oahgura;ghoguoibwbnuqb6nu04 nq904b7n3u[mvu9026b20bn6pourfjkdla;go;rajgria;jguriqoptuvnq[jgrqi;’jhrgqei’akjetuvio;erbwnuopri[buiop[eqmuvpoyure[mypowmo26m592bmvy8u597m190=6b7nv][mieorwpb7numq=m4uv9wq=p[etribmp,qvwtrkep[oiwmbyh[p0o83hj]26bgi4t[wkuew[rtg2[0n6muthyb2]gp[q34um65y[bh4506mhu3=gnokwenyuerbpouwenbu[b6nu4329[bnuqp’ernbjwket2o[n6u9[buy542b890t43unv[dspytijh6u54[mbyimwb0[ae npytinb26304wne4mintb3u[04w5b
7:05:58 a.m – We apologize; after typing the above statement, the computer went berserk. We think because we typed the I-Man’s phrase “This has nothing to do with fjkdla;go;rajgria;jgu riqopt uvnq[ jgrqi;’jhrgqei’akjetuvio;erbwnuopri[buiop[eqmuvpoyure[my powmo26m592bmvy8u597m190=6b7nv][mieorwpb7numq=m4uv9wq=p[etribmp,qvwtrkep[oiwmbyh[p0o83hj]26bgi4t[wkuew[rtg2[0n6muthyb2]gp[q34um65y[bh45-06mhu3=-504]jdlkajdlak;jbiaruijakljhrqhiroutrahb857uy0hgi;onnbvlwuyqtu943qigq2[-y0[qujh9-hgpu2jq5h-9rt9wp
WE DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE COMPUTER IN THE GREEN ROOM
7:15:30 a.m – Dagen reports on Government Waste. Apparently, there have been millions of dollars overspent on Medicare. She hopes that some of that money went to Grandmothers who wanted to get their Ta Tas done. The I-Man can’t understand why a Grandma would want a new set of boobs. Well, maybe because she’s tired of stepping on her nipples.
NANA BEFORE NANA AFTER
7:39:34 a.m. – MENSA MEETING. The topic of the Minnesota Twins installing a ‘SELF SERVE’ Beer Policy at their stadium is brought up. Apparently, for a flat fee, spectators can avail themselves of 48 ounces of draft every 15 minutes. This causes the I-Man to wax nostalgic. “Nothing better than being at a baseball game with a cold beer and about 5 Hot Dogs.” Really? Then how come he always gives Rob s*&^ when HE does it?
AMERICA’S ‘OTHER’ NATIONAL PASTIME
ROB AT A METS GAME LAST MONTH
7:41:24 a.m. – The panel discusses the ‘Border Crisis’, and acknowledge that there is a huge influx of children from Guatemala and Honduras. We have brainstormed here in the Green Room and have actually come up with a solution: We offer to take all the children from Guatemala and, in return, they get Gunz…a bag of baseballs, and a “Moron to be named later.” It’s a ‘Win Win’, or, as they say in Spanish, ‘Ganar Ganar’
THEM… FOR HIM. IT’S A NO-BRAINER. LITERALLY, WHEN YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT GUNZ
7:55:32 a.m. – The I-Man complains to Deirdre that she has ‘Too many clothes’. And she says that she’s “Not THAT into clothes”. Which is just ridigjia;out ioqpt unvqiqi’tvmu[wv ypoerw uwrep[bpu[wytombwpoeybu[ep;rmtuoiqvnuw’ypmbowbpvmupembyp3wmuom’vweuywnbmp]veqopmvyuw]mbpevq]uobmyvweponbvuywbpmtvuw[ybwvptri,q]wmuvy[wue],victq]muyv2[,iw]evy]53wbmyvu0[erymvwe],vquy]mptwriupob[muyw[ptr,iboyui,v]rpi[fjkdla;go;rajgria;jgu riqopt uvnq[jgrqi;’jhrgqei’akjetuvio;erbwnuopri[buiop[eqmuvpoyure[mypowmo26m592bmvy8u597m190=6b7nv][mieorwpb7numq=m4uv9wq=p[etribmp,qvwtrkep[oiwmbyh[p0o83hj]26bgi4t[wkuew[rtg2[0n6muthyb2]gp[q34um65y[bh45-06mhu3=-
DAMMIT! It did it again. We really should install that ‘Bull$#!# Detector’ software.
CURRENTLY IN BETA - TESTING
8:09:18 a.m. – The Boss talks about Donald Sterling’s wife who testified at her husband’s ‘Competency Hearing’. He thinks that one day “Deirdre will be testifying that I’m insane.” Like she hasn’t already? The I-Man’s lucky she hasn’t already called for a ‘Competency Hearing’. He’d be doing the show from a studio at The Home.
“ARE YOUR PEACHES FUNNY? I DON’T LIKE PEACHES…THEY’RE TOO HARD TO CHEW…AND THEY GIVE ME THE RUNS…IS THIS ON? IS THIS THING ON? I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM…UM…NEVER MIND. I JUST DID.”
8:20:40 a.m. – Bernard calls Bill Powers ‘Steve’ or ‘John’ or ‘Kenny’, we’re not really sure, but it definitely wasn’t Bill and the I-Man calls him out on it. But then he calls Bernard the ‘Funniest Man Alive’. Wow. THAT was REALLY funny. Move over Carlin, Pryor, Winters…oh…that’s right, they’re dead. Move over Chappelle…Seinfeld…Stewart…how come YOU guys can’t think of funny stuff like calling somebody the wrong name? Actually we know he’s referring to Bernard’s whole body of work. We love it when he does those references to the Google Glass wearers as ‘Glassholes’ and comedian Anthony Jeselnik, as ‘Chisel Dick’. We realize this is a rather rough assessment of our beloved Bernie, but we suddenly realized he has heretofore escaped any kind of character assassination from this Blog. And we don’t want him to feel bad…because he was left out.
WE DON’T KNOW WHY HE HAS THOSE GLASSES ON TOP OF HIS HEAD, UNLESS THEY’RE LOOKING FOR ANY SIGNS OF HAIR
8:39:08 a.m. – I-Fave, (And R and T Fave as well) Senator John McCain is on to discuss the 3.7 Billion dollars the President has allocated to deal with the illegal immigrant children who are escaping the Cartels in their home countries. The Boss tries to bait him into saying that if they had the votes, he would be in favor of impeaching Obama as suggested by Sarah Palin. The Senator, a LONG time listener of the program, does NOT fall for the trap. The I-Man’s interrogation techniques are NOTHING like those of the North Vietnamese.
“OKAY, OKAY! THERE WERE FEWER VOTES THAN WE NEEDED!”
8:56:14 a.m. – Off Air, the I-Man says, in a pained voice, that he ‘Can’t do this any more.’ He can’t breathe. It’s the worst when he first wakes up in the morning. We didn’t want to tell him that it’s probably because Deirdre has the My Pillow over his face. Which is a reason why he should NEVER ‘sleep in’.
DEIRDRE AND DON, MOMENTS BEFORE HE ‘WAKES’. WHAT’S THAT SHE’S GOT IN HER HAND?
9:07:21 a.m. – While promo-ing the upcoming replay of this morning’s ‘Mensa Meeting’, The I-Man STILL marvels at the transformation of Alan Colmes, from ‘Ferret-Faced Dweeb’ to ‘Do-Able’. The Boss mentions that Alan has undergone a ‘Frame Up’ Restoration akin to a Rusted-Out 57 Chevy. We think it’s more like a 49 DeSoto, because Alan is 87 years old. At least that’s what we think. He COULD be immortal, if not for the fact that we have seen him during the day, and so he could NOT be a vampire. But he COULD be one of the ‘Walking Dead’.
ALAN COLMES. ‘KEEPIN’ IT TIGHT’
9:10:30 a.m. – Imus talks about the soccer game between the ‘Argentines’ and the ‘Netherlands People.’ You mean the Argentinians and the Dutch, I-Man? ‘Argentines’ sounds like a small citrus fruit. Have you been working with your ‘Rosetta Stone’ Bo-Ism Tapes? Because the ‘Argentines Decimitated the Netherlandians in that Suckatation Soccer game last night.’
TEAM ARGENTINA GOALKEEPER, SERGIO ROMERO, CUTS ONE LOOSE THAT’S SO POWERFUL, IT BLEW A HOLE THROUGH THE NET AND KNOCKED OVER THE CAMERAMAN
VIDEO OF THE DAY
IN ANTICIPATION OF TOMORROW’S ‘SIT DOWN’ WITH THE ‘3 FAMILIES’,
(THE CAVUTOS, THE DIETL’S AND THE IMUS’)
HERE IS DON CORLEONE BACK WHEN HE MET WITH THE ‘5 FAMILIES’
“HOW DID THINGS EVER GET SO FAR?”