6:05:00 a.m. – The I-Man admits that he’s been more Irritated and annoyed than usual these past couple of days…beyond his baseline state of dissatisfaction, and he blames his foul humor on his watching ‘Breaking Bad’. He found it depressing, negative and violent and it has affected him…profoundly. Although, depressing, negative, violent…is not all that out of the ordinary for us here on the program, in fact, that’s what the staff usually calls ‘Wednesday’. We could all use a little crystal meth this morning.
THANKS, HEISENBERG…YOU’RE THE REASON WHY WE’RE BANISHED TO
THE GREEN ROOM THIS MORNING. WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE DEAD
6:20:56 a.m. – It’s the great Don McLean’s Birthday today, and, given the I-Man’s mood, there’s a pretty good chance that we’re probably going to hear ‘American Pie’ in its’ entirety this morning. MANY times. Until the Levy really IS dry. It’s also STING’s birthday, and we can only pray Lou doesn’t play “Roxanne” fifty times.
TODAY COULD VERY WELL BE THE ‘DAY THE MUSIC DIED’
6:39:34 a.m. – Too late. Lou’s played ‘Every Breath You Take’. Our hopes for a ‘Sting-Free’ morning have been dashed. We actually would PREFER the full-length ‘American Pie’.
WE’RE BEGGING YOU. PLEASE SHUT UP.
6:46:28 a.m. – Imus is very complimentary of the new set and graphics packages that have been in place since his return from the Ranch. He has purchased an orange T-Shirt to match the color scheme of the set.
JOSEPH ABBOUD WOULD BE SO PROUD…WE JUST WONDER IF THE I-MAN’S GOT COWBOY BOOTS TO MATCH
7:13:22 a.m. – Dagen reports that Steve Ballmer of Microsoft got emotional in his farewell speech to the Microsoft staff…and then played ‘I’ve Had The time Of My Life’ from ‘Dirty Dancing’…sobbing while he high fived the stadium filled with employees and stockholders. Now we think we finally know why they called the company ‘Microsoft’. He obviously has a small, limp penis.
OH, SUCK IT UP, STEVIE. ACT LIKE A MAN!!!
7:40:19 a.m. – “Blonde on Blonde”…or, as we like to call it, “Deirdre and Her Mom Debate the Isshes”. Lis looks particularly fetching this morning. We assume it’s the botox. You could ice skate on her forehead.
NOT BAD FOR 87 YEARS OLD
7:45:33 a.m. – Deirdre gets on a tirade about obesity…always a fun topic. The I-Man shuts off her microphone multiple times. We don’t think it’s ‘Breaking Bad’ that put him in such a bad mood. We also know why he no longer carries a gun. Because two minutes into a ‘Blonde on Blonde’…and it would be in his mouth.
SHE ONLY DOES WHAT THE DOGS TELL HER TO DO
8:03:33 a.m. – We find out that Dr. Bill went to see ‘Steely Dan’ last night. Boy, does he really know how to party. Donald Fagen and Walter Becker…those two dudes are known to go ‘buckwild’. We wonder if Dr. Bill brought along his ‘Rock Gear’… ‘Aja’ T-Shirt and hipster horn rims. No Static At All. Sounds like one of his Weather Reports.
DR. BILL READY TO SING BACKUP FOR STEELY DAN
8:21:12 a.m. – Breaking Bad kept Imus up at night, giving him nightmares, from which he woke in a pool of sweat. Which is not the usual fluid he awakens to on the mattress.
WYATT SHOULDN’T HAVE POURED THAT GLASS OF WATER ON THE SHEETS WHILE THE I-MAN SLEPT. THAT WAS JUST MEAN.
8:41:56 a.m. – Bob Schieffer is on. One of the classiest, smartest, most charming individuals as we’ve ever had as a guest, and, as such, is an I-Fave. The I-Man and he discuss the Government Shut Down, the new book Top Down about the decision to not use the ‘Bubble Top’ on JFK’s Presidential limo November 22, 1963. We wish we could call Bob and tell him ‘Ixnay on the Kennedy Assassination Ay’…the last thing we need is the I-Man getting MORE depressed.
MAYBE HE SHOULD’VE USED THE POPE-MOBILE
9:11:37 a.m. – Dagen’s business report reveals that the Beloved, Venerable, Southern Fast Food Chain, Hardees, will be coming to the Northeast. It’s like Christmas Morning to Dagen, in that, she will, once again be able to order her ‘Drive Thru’ breakfast while still in her nightgown. Which gives you an idea of how SHE rolls.
I’M SORRY MA’AM. I’D LOVE TO GIVE YOU YOUR HAM AND THREE CHEESE BREAKFAST BURRITO, BUT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE WEARING UNDERWEAR FOR ME TO SERVE YOU
VIDEO OF THE DAY
IN AN EFFORT TO COMBAT THE I-MAN’S NEGATIVE REACTION TO ‘BREAKING BAD’, WE OFFER A KINDER, GENTLER VERSION:
‘BREAKING BAD: THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MUSICAL’