6:05:10 a.m. – The Knicks are officially ‘Out of It’ and between that, and Wyatt winning nearly a THOUSAND DOLLARS at the Ultimate Roping in Montgomery, Texas, the I-Man should be in a great mood. And we think he is, actually. It’s already 6:05 and he hasn’t freaked out yet.
6:05:12 a.m. – Sigh. What a ride it was.
6:10:20 a.m. – We get the news that ‘iMusic’, the segment formerly known as ‘It Might Be Elvis’, will heretofore be named ‘It Might Be Elvis’, (formerly known as iMusic).
THIS IS WHAT USED TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU LISTENED TO ‘I-MUSIC’…THAT’S WHY HE CHANGED THE NAME BACK TO ‘IT MIGHT BE ELVIS’
6:16:24 a.m. – Ashley Webster is filling in this week for Lori Rothman. The I-Man was expecting some hot babe. Ashley is half the way there, he’s already got the hot babe name. And he’s got the British Accent. Which makes up for a lot. He reveals that he met his wife on ‘Match.com’. She’s a jazz singing lawyer. Which, when you’re on trial for murder, you’re not looking for representation that will sing ‘Luck Be Lady’ during cross-examination.
“WELL THE SHARK BITES…WITH HIS TEETH DEAR…AND HE KEEPS THEM…PEARLY WHITE!”
6:35:07 a.m. – Bo Dietl is on, celebrating the 30th Anniversary of the Palm Sunday Massacre, the case that he broke and brought him the fame he currently enjoys. Not that you would CELEBRATE something like that, although yesterday, Bo was in the New York Times article about the very same thing, well, actually it was just a picture of him, and an article about the female cop from the case. Nevertheless, he was celebrating that. We don’t know if he bought himself a Pearl ring, because Pearl is the symbol for the 30th Anniversary. Some people know him as the Arby’s spokesman. We know him as ‘One Tough Cop’. (Who wears a lot of tough jewelry and pocket squares)
BO’S ANNIVERSARY PRESENT TO HIMSELF
6:40:46 a.m. – Bo is concerned about the imminent threat of Russia and thermonuclear war, while the I-Man seems to be more worried about Jose from El Chico in Huntsville, who, apparently, was fired recently. Imus wants Bo to investigate why. Bo is incredulous. “I’m talking about world dominatization and the earth’s apocalypsizatation and all he cares about is some f#$%ing waiter at El Conquistador Taqueria.” At first, we couldn’t figure out why the Boss was so concerned…until we realized that Jose was the only waiter he ever had who wouldn’t pee in his Guacamole.
7:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man talks Sports with Warner, about Philadelphia Phillies player Jimmy Rollins getting into it with fans. The Boss asks Nat if he’s ever ‘Gotten into it’ with a player. Nat admits that he yells positive, uplifting, appreciative things…for example, he told Jose Reyes that he loves him. Dagen says “You’ll never be inside a woman again.” Like that would be the only reason.
MR. MET POINTS OUT NAT TO SECURITY. (AND FOR THE RECORD, NAT HAS BEEN INSIDE A WOMAN. THE ONE ON THE RIGHT WITH THE BIG WHITE HEAD…AND BY ‘INSIDE’, WE MEAN HE WORE THE OUTFIT)
7:36:34 a.m. – The lovely Martha McCallum is on, and the I-Man starts off the interview noting that Ms. McCallum’s partner, Bill Hemmer, has ‘The Crazy Eyes’. Which is about as frivolous as the interview gets, because Martha is on to talk about her story tomorrow on ‘America’s Newsroom’, concerning the one year anniversary of the Boston Bombing, and the investigation surrounding that heinous terrorist act. According to Ms. McCallum, the FBI and CIA failed to connect the dots when it came to Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the Bomber himself. Although it’s the one year Anniversary, unlike Bo Dietl, Ms. McCallum won’t be celebrating it. Which is a shame, because, we think that the 1st Anniversary is the ‘Wood’ Anniversary. Which…okay, even WE won’t finish that sentence. But we do admit…Hemmer DOES have ‘Crazy Eyes’.
MARTHA AND BILL. MARTHA’S EYES ARE THE KIND YOU SEE IN YOUR DREAMS…BILLS ARE THE KIND THAT YOU SEE IN NEWSPAPER PHOTOS BEARING THE CAPTION: ‘THE KILLER IN HAPPIER TIMES’
8:05:10 a.m. – We are counting the seconds until we go out onto the set for ‘It Might Be Elvis’, (which was ‘iMusic’ for one week). We feel confident that there are some GREAT songs awaiting the I-Man…to malign and destroy…
FILE PHOTO OF A RECORD BURNING RALLY SPONSORED BY THE I-MAN, (CENTER, HOLDING MICROPHONE) TO PROTEST ‘THOSE NO-TALENT, LIMEY, EVERLY BROTHERS RIP OFFS’
8:08:16 a.m. – Dagen is, apparently, not a fan of Jimmy Fallon, who, in her opinion, are obsequious to the point that “His tongue is black from all the boot-licking”. Hateful words, that, obviously, aren’t designed to make Fallon feel bad, but his greatest champion…The I-Man. Who, by the way does not have a fan in Jimmy Fallon…who said, “That’s the only show business ass I will never kiss.”
“YOU CALL HER MAMA T? HAHAHAHA! THAT’S HYSTERICAL, IMUS!”
8:15:24 a.m. – The I-Man thinks that Bubba Watson’s crying after winning the Masters is ‘Phony’, although he believes that the Club Owners in Augusta are thrilled to have the Green Jacket back on a White Guy…with a mullet…named ‘Bubba’ no less.
SUCK IT UP, YOU PUSSY. YOU DIDN’T WIN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. YOU WON A GOLF GAME.
8:36:14 a.m. – After a brief, one week, hiatus, (well, at least the name was on hiatus) ‘It Might Be Elvis’ returns to the Imus in the Morning Program. Dagen, Trevor, Lou and Tony have ostensibly picked songs that they believe would go into the Imus in the Morning ‘Power Rotation’. Rob is, once again, guest Judge, so there’s at least somebody who likes music other than Country.
THE PROPOSAL FOR A NEW SIGN FOR THE ‘IT MIGHT BE ELVIS’ SEGMENT FOR THE STUDIO
The Lyrics to the Chorus of George Strait’s ‘I Got A Car’
And I said, well I got a car, she said, there's something
At least it's a start, I said, it's better than nothing
I ain't in no hurry but I'm ready when you are
And she said, where do you think all this is going
I said, there ain't no way of knowing
I guess I hadn't thought it through that far
But I got a car
YES, THAT’S IT.
A GUY WHO’S CREDENTIALS ARE FOUR WHEELS AND A BACK SEAT, LOOKING TO GET LAID
NOT EXACTLY ‘HE STOPPED LOVING HER TODAY’
8:48:14 a.m. – “It Might Be Elvis” gets a little heated. The I-Man isn’t happy with Lou’s being negative, or Rob and Dagen having a positive reaction to the song. So we have no idea what he wants. We’re not sure he knows what he wants. All we know is we suck. Which is comforting, because, at least, in his eyes, we’re being consistent.
IT MIGHT BE ELVIS. IT MIGHT BE IMUS.
9:05:34 a.m. – The I-Man is on to us. All along, we’ve been waging a secret campaign to suck so we can bring him down…destroy his ratings. Unfortunately, it’s not working. The ratings are still great. But we still suck.
IT MIGHT BE ELVIS, IT MIGHT BE NEWT GINGRICH WITH A WIG, SUNGLASSES & A HEINEKEN
VIDEO OF THE DAY :
‘IT’ MIGHT BE ELVIS TOO
AND SO MIGHT THIS GUY: