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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

 Healthy Halloween Fun: By Deirdre Imus, Fall is arguably the most exciting time of year, every year. For some, it’s the increasingly chilly air, gorgeous scenery, and juicy apples, followed by a smattering of beloved holidays celebrated with family and friends. For others, it’s all about one special day in particular.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Red Sox Clinch AL East Title -The division title was theirs after the Orioles rallied to beat the Blue Jays 3-2 in Toronto on Hyun Soo Kim’s two-run homer. The Red Sox are taking care of business in New York too, leading the Yankees 3-0 in the 9th.

Tebow homers in 1st at-bat for Mets in instructional debut - Tim Tebow made a powerful first impression for the New York Mets instructional league. The former NFL quarterback homered on the first pitch he saw Wednesday in his instructional league debut, against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Mets Beat Marlins - Jay Bruce hit his 32nd home run, James Loney also homered and the Mets helped thier NL wild-card chances by beating Miami 5-2.

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Mar292016

    Rest In Peace Virgil

    6:05:00 A.M. – A brief respite to cleanse the palate from the awful news of late, the I-Man is amused by the story about the FBI finding somebody to crack that iPhone they’ve been haranguing Apple about.  Now that the Feds were successful…Apple wants them to tell how they did it.  Yeahhhhhh that’s gonna happen.  

    TECH WIZ AND SELF-NAMED ‘THUN-DAR THE SLAUGHTERER’, STEWART CHUSID, WAS ABLE TO PENETRATE THE I-PHONE’S ENCRYPTION.  WHICH IS THE ONLY THING HE’S LIKELY TO PENETRATE IN HIS LIFE 

    6:08:16 A.M. – Speaking of ‘How did they do it?’ Connell reports on the Egyptian Air hijacking, and Imus wonders how they were able to, especially in this day and age.  What is this, the 1970s?  Apparently, the hijacker just wants to get a letter to his wife.  “Why didn’t he text her?” asks the pragmatic Imus.

    “HAS ANYONE SEEN ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN?  PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO BE SEEING IT ANY TIME SOON.”

    6:14:16 A.M. – The Boss is pissed off at WABC Radio, because, upon looking at their website, discovers that “You wouldn’t even know we were on the Station.”  But he discovers a silver lining in this situation, as he always does: “Which might not be a bad thing, because the station…sucks.”  Which, according to his assessment of the Cumulus management, should be the station’s slogan.

    THE NEW LOGO HERE AT WABC

    6:21:33 A.M. Today is Walt Frazier’s 71st Birthday.  We are ‘Posting and Toasting’ you today, Clyde, hoping that your birthday is ‘Bounding and Astounding’, and that you will be ‘Dancing and Prancing’ all day long.

    CLYDE ‘STYLIN’ AND PROFILIN’

     6:40:27 A.M. Fox News Anchor Bret Baier is a guest, and he questions the value of the information that had been locked in the terrorist’s iPhone, as it’s been there for almost four months.  It may not pertain to anything going on now.

    UM…THIS MIGHT’VE BEEN USEFUL LAST SUMMER

    7:05:10 A.M. – Sid Tweets a picture of he and his wife having dinner, which would suggest that there are a few of his 20K plus followers who, A- Are actually interested in what he’s eating, and B-Seeking insight into why such an attractive woman would be seen in public with him.

    JULIUS (SID) ROSENBERG AND HIS WIFE, ETHEL

    7:12:22A.M. – Sid has been ‘Under the Weather’ lately, and Curtis Sliwa has accused the muscle-bound over-tanned buffoon, (sorry, we mean radio host) of having the ‘Zika’ Virus.

    ZIKA?  WE DON’T KNOW WHAT CURTIS IS TALKING ABOUT.

    7:13:44 A.M. – Imus says he’s been sleeping in his Bloomer Trailer for the past five days.  He doesn’t want to stay in it anymore, but refuses to stay in a Motel because he doesn’t want “Bugs jumpin’” on him. 

    WE DON’T KNOW WHY HE DOESN’T WANT TO STAY IN HIS TRAILER…IT’S NICER AND THREE TIMES THE SIZE OF BOTH OUR HOUSES PUT TOGETHER

    7:35:07 A.M. – Just prior to the weekly ‘Bernie & Sid’ segment, the I-Man says that the reason why he won’t stay in motels anymore is because Sid might’ve been there.

    WE CAN’T BLAME THE I-MAN…WE WOULDN’T WANT TO STAY ANYWHERE A FACE LIKE THIS HAS EVER SLEPT

    7:39:16 A.M. BERNIE & SID:  Doesn’t start out all that great, and we don’t know if it’s just the Zika talking, but Sid accuses Imus of stealing his position regarding Trump not taking the High Road in this war between he and Ted Cruz over their wives.  4 Marconis, pinhead…and Imus is stealing from an orange knucklehead?  Yah.   Sid then accuses his co-host, Bernard, of being a ‘Yes Man’, sucking up to The Boss like an ass-kissing Sycophant.  Imus jumps on this bandwagon, chastising Bernie for not standing up to him.  Bernie agrees, and jumps on the bandwagon himself, essentially admitting that he’s a Boot-Licking Toady.

    COVER BOY BERNARD MCGUIRK.  HE’S ESPECIALLY FETCHING IN THE CENTERFOLD

    8:05:11 A.M. – Good news…the Hijacking is over.  Nobody’s hurt and the Hijacker’s in custody.  Usually, a hijacking goes horribly wrong, but in this case, ‘All’s Well That Ends Well.’  That is, unless you’re a passenger who has to get back on a plane to fly to your original destination.   There might be, as they say in the air travel business, some ‘Residual Hesitance’ involved.

    AFTER A HIJACKING, TURBULENCE IS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS

    8:15:30 A.M. – Even though over 42 THOUSAND people signed a petition to allow guns at the GOP Convention in Cleveland, the Secret Service will not allow them, despite the fact that Ohio is an Open Carry State.  We’ve been all for the ban…because we mistakenly thought it was to allow GUNZ at the GOP Convention.  But now that we know they mean firearms…it’s an entirely different story. Especially if GUNZ actually plans on attending.  He might need a little ‘deterrent’ to un-convince him that’s a good idea.

    “THE BAN ON FIREARMS WILL BE ENFORCED THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CONVENTION.  UNLESS YOU SEE THIS KID… IN WHICH CASE, ALL BETS ARE OFF.”

    AT PREVIOUS CONVENTIONS, THEY LET YOU PICK ONE UP AS YOU ENTERED THE ARENA

    8:40:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin from the New York Post is on to discuss the election.  Mr. Goodwin remarks about how uncanny it is that Clinton and Trump have HUGE disapproval ratings.  67% for Hillary, 75% for The Donald.  Joseph Goebbels didn’t have that high a disapproval rating from the B’nai Brith.

    JOE GOEBBELS.  NOT EXACTLY ‘MR. CONGENIALITY’

    8:41:07 A.M. – Mr. Goodwin goes on to say that, although initially he wasn’t a Donald Trump supporter, he now is; basically because Trump’s the one person who has “Touched a nerve with the people”.   Yah.  Like a Dentist with Parkinson’s.

    “OOPS!  SORRY, MY BAD…UM…THAT’S GONNA BLEED FOR AWHILE.”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Another Example of a Hi-Jacking Gone Bad

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUkX75IEkHE 

    And finally, our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to the Imus family on the loss of their beloved Norfolk Terrier,

     ‘Virgil’

    WYATT, DONNY & DEIRDRE IMUS WITH WES BOWMASTER

    AND

    VIRGIL

    In tribute, offer the words of Lawyer, Congressman, and U.S. Senator,

    George Graham Vest

    The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.

    A man’s dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.

    If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.

    Monday
    Mar282016

    Like Wal-Mart On Black Friday

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man is out Rodeo-ing with the Wy-Man, and Bernie’s short-handed as Connell McShane is also out this morning.  So he’s handling not only the Host Mantle, but the Newsman angle as well.   

    HE FEELS ‘DIZZY RIGHT NOW’

    6:08:16 A.M. – Gunz reveals that he was at the Knicks game last night with…wait for it…Miley Cyrus and her sister.  Which, Easter being yesterday, seems at odds with the fact that Gunz with ANY women is proof that there is no God.

    FROM LEFT: MILEY CYRUS, TISH CYRUS…GOD HELP US, GUNZ…AND BRANDI CYRUS

    6:22:44 A.M. – The Candidate ‘Wife Fight’ continues; on one of the Sunday Shows, Ted Cruz addressed the issue, claiming that Donald Trump was behind the story in the National Enquirer alleging that Cruz has had five affairs during his marriage.  He claims that Trump is a friend of David Pecker, the owner of the supermarket tabloid, which might have something to do with Pecker’s endorsement of The Donald for President.   Which, of course, prompts the internet to come up with the Hashtag #TrumpLovesPecker.  That crazy internet.  You can’t trust them with anything.

    THAT’S WHAT YOU’D CALL A ‘MEAN MEME’

    6:40:27 A.M. Our favorite Former CIA Operative, (And we’d say that even if he didn’t water board us to do so) Mike Baker is supposed to be on…but…he’s not.  We think something must’ve come up and he’s ‘Otherwise Engaged’.  He’ll be on at 7:40, right after he frees himself from the chair he’s tied to, and dispatches the Evil Genius who was holding him prisoner.

    “DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK?”  “NO MR. BAKER, I EXPECT YOU TO DIE.”

    7:05:10 A.M. – Warner reveals he is related to Abraham Lincoln.  His mother’s maiden name was Lila Hanks and she was related to Nancy Hanks, who was Abe’s Mom.  Which explains why Warner was at Abe’s inauguration.

    GIVEN HIS LOVE OF MOVIES, WE WOULD’VE THOUGHT WARNER WAS RELATED TO TOM HANKS

    7:10:34 A.M. – It appears that the Knicks have been eliminated mathematically from the playoffs this year…if only Carmelo studied his Algebra more.

    “DAMN!  MATH IS HARD”

    7:22:11 A.M. – Warner reports that in the Miami Open on Saturday Night, Andy Murray was mistakenly given a woman’s ball.  “This ball doesn’t feel right.” He observed.  Well…duh.  If you have a woman’s ball in your hand, then you really didn’t research that Escort Service as thoroughly as you should have.  But, at least you can’t accuse him of playing with Women’s Balls.

    HE SHOULD KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT WOMEN’S BALLS…AS HE WORE A SKIRT TO HIS WEDDING

    7:39:16 A.M. – The aforementioned Mike Baker is on to discuss the recent Terrorist Attacks in Pakistan where 70 Christians were killed by the Taliban, and, of course, last week’s bombings in Belgium.  He says we can’t let fear guide us…we agree…but fear sure follows us when we’re running away looking for a place to hide. 

    ROB’S SHADOW (WHICH HE’S ALSO AFRAID OF) RUNNING AWAY FROM FEAR

    8:12:24 A.M. – Bernie plays a clip of an Easter Egg hunt held at the Pez Candy Headquarters in Orange, Connecticut yesterday, where parents knocked down children to get to the 9000 eggs that Pez had ‘hidden’ on their grounds.  One women described it as being “Like Wal-Mart on Black Friday.”  Tony, of course, not fond of the term ‘Black Friday’.  He prefers ‘African American Friday’.

    PARENTS GOING BUCKWILD AT THE PEZ CANDY COMPANY’S EASTER EGG HUNT (ARTIST’S RENDERING)

    8:20:40 A.M. – Bernie delves more into the Cruz/Trump Wife Fight, and we still have trouble putting any credence in the notion that Ted had affairs with FIVE different women.  We find it nearly impossible to believe he slept with ONE woman, including his wife.  Although as Ted does have two children, we remind you that his wife Heidi does own a Turkey Baster.

    HEIDI, SPEAKING AT A TRUMP RALLY, DEMONSTRATES TO THE CROWD HOW SHE GOT PREGNANT

    8:40:43 A.M. – I-Fave, Alan Colmes our guest, and he and Bernie have a spirited debate about each other’s preferred candidates.  As we all know, Bernie’s on the Trump Train, while Alan wavers between Grandma and ‘Feelin’ the Bern’.   When Bernard presses Alan on Hillary, Mr. Colmes notes that she does have a point of view and record that stands for something, “Unlike that shape shifter Donald Trump.”

    SOME EXAMPLES OF TRUMP’S SHAPE SHIFTING:

    HERE HE IS MORPHING INTO A WEREWOLF…

    CHANGING INTO THOSE CREEPY TWINS FROM THE SHINING…

    AND AS PRISCILLA PRESLEY, RIGHT BEFORE HE ATE BABY LISA MARIE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Watch Donald Trump Shape-Shift

    Before Your Very Eyes

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jyQQk3Dlv0 

    Thursday
    Mar242016

    Working Out Some Foreign Policy

    6:05:00 A.M. – Imus refers us all to a piece in Today’s New York Post, written by  comedian Jeff Beacher, about his being so fat he could no longer see his penis.  Sounds like he’s been listening to the I-Man, with a Big Chief Tablet and a Bic Pen taking notes.

    NOW THAT HE’S LOST THE WEIGHT AND CAN SEE HIS PENIS AGAIN, HE SUDDENLY REMEMBERS THAT IT WAS SO SMALL TO BEGIN WITH, HE COULDN’T SEE IT WHEN HE USED TO BE SKINNY.  WHICH WAS PROBABLY THE REASON WHY HE STARTED OVEREATING IN THE FIRST PLACE

    6:08:16 A.M.  –  The Boss was watching Neil Cavuto’s Fox Program last night, and as Neil has a Tablet on the set with him, Imus sends him hideous messages while he’s on the air.  While talking about the terrorists from the attack in Belgium, and one of the three men from the security photo from the airport still being at large, The I-Man sends Neil an email with the Subject line: ‘Guy in the Hat’.  And the message:  ‘Varney?’    Of course he’s just being facetious.  Varney is much, much lower on the Scumbag Scale than ISIS terrorists.

    YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THERE IS AN UNCANNY LIKENESS

    6:15:09 A.M. – Observing Hillary Clinton’s wardrobe choice of late, the I-Man takes on the mantle of ‘Fashion Police’.   She “…looks like she went to a Nehru Yard Sale.”

    “NO DISRESPECT, BAPPU, BUT, YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT LOSING THE DIAPER AND THE BARE CHEST AND PUTTING A JACKET ON.”

    6:40:27 A.M. I-Fave K.T. McFarland.  Imus asks her to weigh in on Trump’s Foreign Policy Team.  She says that all of the people are great.  Really?  Even Walid Phares?  We’re starting to think K.T. may be hitting the cooking sherry.  Then again, she did serve under Henry Kissinger.  Well, maybe not ‘under’.   Although, she did work with him, and, y’know, there could’ve been a late night and a pizza delivery, or some Take Out Chinese…

    K.T. AND KISSINGER HAVING A LITTLE ROMANTIC DINNER AT ‘HUNG LO’ IN D.C.

    7:05:10 A.M. – The Boss reads the A.O. Scott’s New York Times Review of the Batman vs. Superman movie that opens tomorrow, and proclaims him the most pretentious person on the planet.  “This guy must look in the mirror and think: ‘I’m really an asshole.’”

    AN ADVANCE PUBLICITY STILL FROM ‘A.O. SCOTT VS. SUPERMAN’   

    SCOTT’S SUPERPOWER IS THAT HE’S A POMPOUS PANTLOAD

    7:12:27 A.M. – Trump’s Twitter threat to Ted Cruz makes the I-Man curious about what one needs to do in order to ‘Tweet’.  Connell explains to him how it works, as though he was teaching a toddler how to go potty.   The Boss then complains that there are many times when he’s talking to Deirdre and she doesn’t look up from her phone.  It’s a trick we all use: Deirdre avoids any lengthy conversation by giving the appearance that she is busy on her phone.  Even when the battery is dead.

    DEIRDRE, BUSY PERFORMING ONE OF HER COUNTLESS WORKS OF CHARITY, POSES FOR A SNAPSHOT WITH A ‘SPECIAL’ SENIOR CITIZEN

    7:20:40 A.M.  “Hey Warner?  Do you think you could do Sports long enough for me to walk to the other side of the room to get a box of Kleenex from the Utility Closet?”   Warner is happy to comply, yet wonders if the I-Man can get back before the show is over.

    THE I-MAN STANDS UP…AND GETS OUT OF BREATH

    7:39:16 A.M. PSYCHOS  - Curtis has a number of issues.  As a Colitis sufferer, he truly values safe, secure, clean public toilets and does not want transsexuals using the same bathrooms as he does.  In a related story, transsexuals protest that they don’t want to use public toilets with him.

    “THAT RED BERET MAKES ME FRAIDY SCARED…”

    Alan Colmes is aghast at Trump’s Tweet to Ted Cruz, after believing Cruz was behind a campaign ad that featured a nude photo of Melania Trump, which, essentially was one of those  ‘My Wife is Prettier Than Your Wife’ deals and threatened to ‘Spill the beans’ about Cruz’s wife, Heidi.  Rainbow Hair Alan calls Trump a misogynist.  Which, couldn’t be further from the truth.  Donald puts women on a pedestal, such is his affection and respect for the fair sex.  Bill Clinton also put women on a pedestal, but that was only so he could look up their skirts.

    MISOGYNIST?  WELL, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER SEE NAKED?

    Deirdre mocks the oversensitivity of the students at Emory University, who, according to the news story, are ‘scared and in pain’ because their ‘safe space’ was ‘violated’ when someone wrote ‘Trump 2016’ in chalk on campus. Apparently, they fear for their lives, because they believe The Donald is out to kill them.  Scared of chalk?  Interestingly enough, so is Deirdre.  She’s deathly afraid somebody will find an outline of it around her husband’s lifeless body.

    TRAGEDY IN TEXAS.  THAT POOR SHEEP

    Bernard is incensed by Obama ‘Dirty Dancing’ in Argentina and doing ‘The Wave’ in Cuba.  He says that the president is enabling terrorists as he dances the ‘Cabbage Patch’.

    BARACK AND BEYONCE’ WORKING OUT SOME FOREIGN POLICY

    8:12:23A.M. – The new Policy advisor for the Trump Campaign, Walid Phares, finally phones in, albeit a day late, and says he gave Trump 3 of his books, but he hasn’t yet read Trump’s ART OF THE DEAL.  We don’t believe we would’ve told that one, Walid.  Trump believes his book belongs in the middle of the Book of Revelation in the King James Bible.

    “YEA, THOUGH THERE WAS A WAR IN HEAVEN, DONALD AND HIS ANGELS FOUGHT AGAINST THE DRAGON, BUT THE DRAGON PREVAILED NOT…NEITHER WAS HIS PLACE FOUND ANY MORE IN HEAVEN, BECAUSE DONALD DID YEA NEGOTIATE A FINAL AGREEMENT, WHEREIN, IN EXCHANGE FOR A 16 BILLION DOLLAR BUYOUT, CONTINGENT UPON THE SALE OF EQUITY FROM DRAGON INC., DRAGON AGREED NOT TO DO BUSINESS IN HEAVEN FOR AN UNDISCLOSED TERM”

    8:20:40 A.M. – Warner announces that the Yankees will honor A-Rod this year by having ‘Syringe Night’.   Wolf swings…it is high…it is far…it’s…outta here.

    FREE GIANT HYPODERMIC NEEDLES FOR THE FIRST 5000 TICKETHOLDERS

    8:40:43 A.M. – Former Navy SEAL and co-author of ‘Extreme Ownership’ with frequent guest and Man Mountain Leif Babin, Jocko Willink is the guest, and…although we thought it couldn’t be possible, is actually larger and more terrifying than Leif.  We thank God for the fact that he’s phoned in and not appeared in studio, lest we unintentionally say something he deems ‘Out of Line’ and shatters our windpipes with one of his rump roast sized thumbs.   Jocko says that the lessons of combat are also applicable to business, and, in order to survive, you need two wills:  ‘The Will to Kill’ and the ‘Will to Die’.  We would offer that you would also need a third ‘Will’.  ‘The Last Will’. A Testament the lawyer will need to read after Jocko employs his ‘Will to Kill’ and pretty much destroys your ‘Will to Live’.

    “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

    THE LAST WISEASS WHO SAID SOMETHING FLIPPANT TO JOCKO.  MASS OF CHRISTIAN BURIAL AT DIVINE MERCY PARISH, SAINT FRANCIS R.C. CHURCH, TOMORROW AT 11 A.M.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN AN EFFORT

    TO GET NEW YORK TIMES’ FILM CRITIC, A.O. SCOTT,

     TO ‘LIGHTEN UP, IT’S JUST A F#CKING MOVIE’,

    WE OFFER THE TRAILER TO ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN’,

    AS WELL AS JIMMY KIMMEL’S DELETED SCENE IN

    THE ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN’.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U652-BpXVQY 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y8iRvQdSGA 

    Wednesday
    Mar232016

    I Can't...I'm Mormon

    6:05:00 A.M. – Imus begins the morning with an assessment of the state of Utah, as only he can.  He acknowledges its beauty, with the Red Rocks and all, but as Ted Cruz won the state in the Caucus, “Utah shouldn’t be allowed to do …ANYTHING.”   Well, seeing as how they’re mostly Mormons, that’s pretty much the case anyway.

    JUST SO YOU KNOW, BEFORE YOU TRY AND MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF

    6:17:16 A.M. – Warner reports that Dwight Howard used ‘Stickum’ on his hand during an NBA game.  We hope he washed it before he tried to play with himself.  Basketball, we mean.  Get your mind out of the gutter.

    APPARENTLY, DWIGHT DIDN’T READ THE LABEL

    6:25:51 A.M. – The Boss tells a story about Hayes Carll and Allison Moorer, and bumping into them at some tedious charity event.  Allison, married to Steve Earle, was the SEVENTH wife, and they are now divorced.   The I-Man notes…when your husband’s already blown through SIX wives, (He married one twice) what makes you think you’re going to be ‘The One’ that finally takes?  We can certainly see why Steve is considered a ‘Catch’.  That is, if you like that ‘Dude with the beard from Oak Ridge Boys’ look.

    ALLISON AND HER EX.  OKAY, SO…WHO’S GONNA BE #8?

    6:40:27 A.M. Lieutenant Colonel Bill Cowan is on, and the I-Man starts off by asking the Lieutenant Colonel if he supports Trump or Ted Cruz…oh, no.  He informs the Vietnam Vet and Special Forces Operator that he just mixed half coffee, half espresso, and some chocolate powder.  He asks L.C. Cowan if he’ll ‘Be alright’.  There’s a Combat Decorated Marine on the phone with him, and Imus is playing ‘Starbucks’?   What did he think would happen?  By adding chocolate to a Black Eye there’d be a nuclear explosion?

    WHO KNEW?  GOOD THING HE DIDN’T TRY TO MAKE A FRAPPUCCINO

    7:05:10 A.M. – News Flash:  Jeb Bush has just endorsed Ted Cruz.  In a related story, there may be no Canadian Teams in the NHL playoff.

    CRUZ AND BUSH.  THEY’RE BOTH PLAYING WITHOUT A HELMET

    7:07:34 A.M.  The wheels are coming off the planet, but the I-Man is obsessing on why these Doctors who host the Weekend Programs are calling themselves ‘Talk Show Hosts’.  He wonders if they ‘Take Calls’.

    “BLAKE FROM SCARSDALE…SO, YOU HAVE A SEBACEOUS CYST ON YOUR BUTTOCKS?”

    7:39:16 A.M. BLONDE ONUM…BROWN…REDDISH…MAGENTA who the hell knows what color Colmes’ hair is?  All we know is that it’s not found in nature. The I-Man asks them what is the first Website they go to for news.  Alan says Drudge and Think Progress, Deirdre, Drudge and the Daily Mail.  That wasn’t what the I-Man asked you two knuckleheads…he asked you what is the FIRST website you go to for news…you both should’ve just said Drudge…and left it at that.

    THIS IS WHAT THEY MEAN BY ‘POLITICS MAKES FOR STRANGE BEDFELLOWS’

    Deirdre is VERY upset with President Obama being in Cuba at the Exhibition Baseball Game while there was a terrorist attack, instead of being at home protecting the American People.  She’s being a little tough on the president.  He was there taking care of some serious business...doing ‘The Wave’, and hoping to catch a foul ball.

    “HEY RAUL…DO CUBAN BALL PARKS SELL HOT DOGS AND CRACKER JACKS?  HOW ABOUT A COLD CERVEZA?  I NEED TO RELAX, THERE’S A LOT GOING ON IN THE WORLD.”

    As timely as today’s news, as the Batman vs. Superman movie comes out on Friday, the Boss wants D-Woman and A-Colm to choose between the two Comic Book Heroes.  Both choose Superman.  Deirdre’s reasoning is that Superman gets out all the time, while Batman stays in Manhattan. 

    THE CAPED CRUSADER WATCHING OVER TIMES SQUARE.

    MEANWHILE…THE MAN OF STEEL DEFINITELY GETS OUT MORE.  WE CERTAINLY HOPE THIS KID’S GOT SOME KRYPTONITE UNDERWEAR

    8:05:11 A.M. – The I-Man asks Bernie about the results from Utah, Idaho and Arizona.  He wants to know how “Grandma and Bennie Hill” did.

    WE NEVER KNEW BERNIE WAS SUCH A FAN OF HILLARY’S

    8:15:40 A.M. – American Scholar of Lebanese/Maronite Christian origins, and commentator on global terrorism and Middle Eastern affairs, Walid Phares is supposed to be the guest, but, has not phoned in.  As he’s been a guest before, and was just announced by Donald Trump as a member of his Foreign Policy Team, an irritated I-Man wants to know where the hell he is. 

    MR. PHARES WAS RUNNING LATE BECAUSE THE GOAT SACRIFICE RAN LONG

    8:40:43 A.M. – Juan Williams is on and pays the I-Man a compliment regarding the I-Dea of the ‘Five Favorite Songs’ list.  Imus was the first one to feature the requirement as part of the program, and it was genius, as the songs definitely give some insight into the character of the person who makes the five picks.  Juan mentions that on his Fox Program ‘The Five’, they solicit songs from their viewers that, they believe,  represent the hosts.  For Juan, the audience picked The Commodores’  ‘Easy Like Sunday Morning’, which was a huge Lionel Richie song, and Al Green’s ‘Let’s Stay Together’. We wonder what the other Hosts’ songs would be.  Eric Bolling:  ‘If I Only Had A Brain’ from the Wizard of Oz, Kimberly Guilfoyle: ‘Crazy’ by Patsy Cline, Greg Gutfeld: ‘Short People’ from Randy Newman, and Dana Perino: Hall and Oates’ ‘She’s a Maniac’.  If the I-Man were to be one of the hosts on The Five, we assume his theme song would be a toss up between Blue Oyster Cult’s ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’ and ‘Ready to Die’ by Biggie Smalls.

    WANNA HAVE SOME FUN?  GO TO A DINER, PUT 80 DOLLARS WORTH OF QUARTERS INTO THE JUKE BOX, AND PLAY THE SONG WE PICKED TO REPRESENT DONALD TRUMP, ‘MUSKRAT LOVE’ AND HIT ‘REPEAT’. THEN SIT DOWN AT A BOOTH, ORDER SOME COFFEE, AND WATCH THE VIOLENCE INSUE

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A Cinematic Recreation:

    What We Imagine the Confrontation Between The I-Man and Walid Phares Would Look Like:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXjt0RgxcMs

    Tuesday
    Mar222016

    The Orange Raccoon

    6:05:00 A.M. – Cuban American Dan Le Batard is now the I-Man’s favorite Talk Show host.  Well, at least, Sports talk show host.  This is based upon Le Batard’s Editorial in the Miami Herald where he rants about the Exhibition Game today between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cuban National Team.  He’s also the same guy who gave his Baseball Hall of Fame vote to Deadspin, and has a program on ESPN called ‘Highly Questionable’ with his goofy father and African American Sports reporter, Bomani Jones.  A smart funny guy who takes chances, his crazy old father, and a black dude, sharing thoughts and comments. It’s like Imus, Wyatt and T-Money hanging out in the Roping Arena.

    BOMANI, PAPI GONZALO & DAN, TACKLING THE TOUGH ISSUES

    6:12:16 A.M. – Connell reports that the Justice Department has said a ‘third party’ has presented a possible method for opening an encrypted iPhone used by one of the San Bernardino shooters.  The I-Man wonders if it’s some nerdy 14 year old hacker, and imagines the FBI making an offer:  “I’ll give you some weed if you can get into this phone.”

    “DUUUUDE!  IT WAS MAD EASY!  AND FEDERAL AGENTS DEFINITELY HAVE THE BEST DOPE, BRUH.”

    6:21:45 A.M. – Warner reports that LeBron James had a ‘Triple Double’ last night, so, naturally, the I-Man asks him if LeBron has had a hair transplant.  Which, according to Warner, he has.  Warner then reports that HE had hair plugs installed a number of years ago. 

    WARNER.  BEFORE AND AFTER.  YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY

    6:22:30 A.M. – Bernie adds that Tom Brady also has had a transplant, while his wife, Giselle Bunchen, has had implants.  Imus then suggests that by the time they take off everything at night, they’ll be unrecognizable.  Probably to each other.

    TOM AND GISELLE OUT ON THE TOWN

    TOM AND GISELLE AT HOME AT NIGHT AFTER TAKING OFF EVERYTHING THAT’S FAKE

    6:40:27 A.M. Curtis Sliwa, the Red Beret wearing half (and only listenable member) of the Curtis and Kuby show, is on, he’s becoming quite a fixture on the program, which is convenient for all parties concerned, as he pretty much lives here at the station.  He’s on to speak to the current epidemic of slashings on the streets and in the subways of New York from his perspective of being the head of the Guardian Angels Street Security Organization, (More PC than ‘Vigilantes’).  We learn that he took a trip “Behind the Sugar Cane Curtain” to Cuba to spread the joys of Stickball to the children on the island.  He was detained by the Cuban Police, who, we assume, sent him back to the US, having determined, as we have, that he’s Bat Dookie Crazy.  He left behind the balls and sticks, however, which the Cuba children made last as long as they could…because, it’s not like they can buy new ones.

    * “WOW!  THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN THOSE ‘PRESIDENT KERRY 2004’ T-SHIRTS WE GOT!”

    7:14:34 A.M. – I-Man, who continues to tout his support of Donald Trump, informs us that ‘The Candidate’ will not appear on the program, as Imus has called him “Fat, with big Blubber Titties”.  In Trump’s defense, unlike his wives, his are natural.

    TRUMP: WITHOUT HIS SHIRT, AS YOU CAN SEE IS XXXXL AND A ‘C’ CUP

    7:23:01 A.M. Imus plays Lucinda Williams. We all play Russian roulette.

    MAKE IT STOP.  OR I’LL PULL THE TRIGGER, I SWEAR.

    7:39:16 A.M. – Bernie and Sid join the I-Man for their weekly segment, a preview of what you can expect between 10 AM and 12 noon on WABC Radio in New York.  Sid doesn’t just throw Bernie under the bus, oh no, he drops a safe on him first, by informing the I-Man that McGuirk books better guests for their show than he does for Imus in the Morning.  Of course, ‘better’ is a relative term.  We’re not so sure Imus would consider Ann Coulter an ‘A-Lister’.  Or, for that matter, an ‘I-Lister’.

    HOW SID SEES HIMSELF

    HOW BERNARD SEES SID

    8:15:11 A.M. – Imus amuses himself by watching his Ranch Employees downstairs on the many TV monitors he has in the studio.  He can see every move that T-Money and Josh make outside at the Roping Arena and other spots throughout the Ranch.  At first, it seems very ‘Big Brother’ish to us, then we realize, it’s more ‘Captain Queeg’ish.  All he needs are a handful of ball bearings and a pint of organic strawberries.

    THE I-MAN FROM THE RANCH ‘CONTROL CENTER’

    8:20:40 A.M. – Imus laments that he’s no longer on television, maintaining that it would be great to show the Ranch Hands coming to work late, and standing around not doing anything.  Appointment TV for sure.   But he seems to forget that he would also be on television.  Which, seeing as how he is able to do the program 3 minutes after he wakes up, and after his 16 Step Commute, means he’d have to change into dry pajama bottoms.   

    I-MAN READY FOR THE SHOW!

    8:40:43 A.M. – I-Fave and Thriller author, Brad Thor is the guest, with some ominous warnings for our country, in light of the Belgian Terrorist Attack.  “This country is going to look a lot like Israel.”  Which, we guess, means America will become a Giant Williamsburg, Brooklyn: Hipsters and Hasidim.

    SOME WILLIAMSBURG RESIDENTS ON THEIR WAY TO SEE ‘VAMPIRE WEEKEND’, WHILE OTHERS RUSH HOME BEFORE SUNDOWN.  WHICH, WE ASSUME, IS TO KEEP THEM SAFE FROM VAMPIRES

    8:41:07 A.M. – Mr. Thor says he’s not a Trump Supporter, in fact, he refers to the candidate as “An Orange Raccoon.”

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    We Can See Now Why

    The I-Man

    Uses Those Security Cameras

    THEY’RE HILARIOUS YO!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Ionf4E7iw 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A68_6hh4UiU