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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

Deirdre's Big Game Day Dish Picks! It's cold outside so a combination of healthy comfort foods with healthy salads will keep you feeling good! 

What it takes to work off those Super Bowl snacks - The Super Bowl has become much more than a football game: It's the second biggest day for food consumption in the United States after Thanksgiving.

Water leak at NY nuclear plant raises call for shut down - Environmental watchdogs are calling for the Indian Point nuclear power plant to shut down while investigators try to determine how an apparent overflow spilled highly radioactive water into an underground well.

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat: Why It's So Hard to Think Straight About Animals - Hal Herzog, a maverick scientist and leader in the field of anthrozoology offers a controversial, thought-provoking, and unprecedented exploration of the psychology behind the inconsistent and often paradoxical ways we think, feel, and behave towards animals.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Derek Fisher is fired as New York Knicks coach by his mentor, team President Phil Jackson - Derek Fisher was fired as New York Knicks coach Monday, with his team having lost five straight and nine of 10 to fall well back in the Eastern Conference playoff race.
George's big finish leads Pacers past Lakers 89-87 - After Bryant made three straight 3-pointers to give the Los Angeles Lakers a three-point lead with 2:30 left to play, George answered with six straight points to help the Pacers rally for an 89-87 victory
Nets beat Nuggets 105-104 - Johnson's 3-pointer at the buzzer lifted the Nets to a 105-104 victory over the Denver Nuggets.
Raptors beat Pistons - Lowry began the fourth quarter with a three-point play, and the Raptors went on an 11-2 run to pull away for their 14th victory in 15 games, 103-89 over Detroit on Monday night. Terrence Ross added 18 points for the Raptors.
Donaldson Signs Deal With Jays - Josh Donaldson signs two-year, $29M deal with Blue Jays
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    Wednesday
    Jul292015

    What the Fick?

    6:05:12 A.M. – The I-Man begins by talking about Tom Brady’s suspicious destruction of his cell phone.  He then gives his audience an assignment: To come up with a creative way to hide incriminating texts on an iPhone.  We have the ultimate answer.  Stick it down Gunz’s pants.  No one has ever, nor will they ever, look in there.  It’s safer than the Lost Ark of the Covenant.  It couldn’t be more invisible if it were represented by the William Morris Agency.

    “I HAVEN’T SEEN IT…HAVE YOU SEEN IT?  NOBODY’S SEEN HIDE NOR HAIR OF IT…I THINK IT MAY HAVE JUST ESCAPED…”

    6:08:56 A.M. – The Boss went to Bill Fick Ford yesterday, and is proud of himself for not purchasing yet ANOTHER pickup truck he doesn’t need.  He runs into a Texan Gentleman who, upon recognizing the I-Man, says that he ‘Watches’ him every morning on Fox.   Uhhhhh huh.  What the Fick?

    WE THINK THE DUDE’S CONFUSING THE I-MAN FOR LIZ MCDONALD

    6:15:44 A.M. –  Imus reveals that he’s found a replacement for Meghan Hurlbut, the Office Manager for Imus in the Morning World Headquarters,  and it’s our old friend, Ali from Fox Business.  Gunz is VERY Excited that there will be another ‘Chick’ on the program.  “You mean, besides you?”  Connell asks.

    GUNZ CAN’T CONTAIN HIS / HER EXCITEMENT

    6:18:36  A.M. –  Warner’s take on the Brady story this morning is that Tom should’ve ratted out the equipment managers who were involved in ‘Deflate Gate’…obviously, Warner’s never seen ‘Goodfellas’.

    “YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST PINCH LIKE A MAN,

    AND YOU DIDN’T RAT OUT YOUR FRIENDS”

      JAMES ‘JIMMY THE GENT’ BURKE, ADVISES TOM BRADY

    6:40:27 A.M.  Peter Kiernan, author of Becoming China’s Bitch , and AMERICAN MOJO...and the soon to be released, America’s Got It’s Mojo, Workin’.   (That  last one was ours)  Why is Mr. Kiernan on again?   He has a ‘Yen’ to talk about the Chinese Economy.  We just had him on, but like most Chinese Specialties, a half hour later…you want to listen to him again.  A very interesting interview that ends with the I-Man saying “You’re an idiot”, as Kiernan likes the Willie Nelson version of ‘Georgia’ more than Ray Charles’.  

    THE CHINESE RAY CHARLES HAS GOT HIS MOJO WORKIN’

    7:05:10 A.M.  The I-Man was very upset over the murder of ‘Cecil the Lion’, a beloved animal that had been tracked for years as part of a zoological study about migration habits and inhumanely shot by this Walter Palmer, a Midwest Pantload Dentist who fancies himself a Big Game Hunter. It’s not exactly ‘Hunting’ when you practically shoot the proud beast while its still in the cage.   Imus is audibly shaken by this horrible act…yes, the old cat with the great mane…showing empathy for another of his kind.  There but for the Grace of God…

    HE USED TO WORK FOR MGM

    7:15: 34 A.M. –  The Boss takes a ‘Selfie’, and discovers he looks just like Prison Escape Accomplice, Joyce Mitchell. 

    WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.  THERE’S NO RESEMBLANCE AT ALL

    7:20:40 A.M. –  Breaking News: The Doug Sahm Documentary Project on Kickstarter has met its’ goal of seventy-five thousand dollars…and, in fact, raised three thousand more than they needed.  But that extra 3K will go a long way to improving the already first class production value.  What are they doing?  Using Home Movies taken by the Sir Douglas Quaintet?

    HE MADE IT A ‘SEXTET’.   ‘HE’S ABOUT A MOVER’

    7:35:56 A.M. – A clip of CNN’s Jake Tapper interviewing Republican Candidate Ben Carson, expressing his sympathy and condolences in light of Mr. Carson’s Mom’s death.  It’s heartfelt, and sincere, despite the fact that Ben informs Jake that his Moms ‘Sprang Back.’   Srung back?  Who is she?  James Brown, throwing off the cape at the end of ‘Please Please Please’?  The Crack CNN News Team Strikes Again!

    UM…SHE AIN’T DONE YET, JAKE…

    7:40:06 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE, or, as we like to call it, ‘Pinata Time With Lis Wiehl.’   We could easily name it, ‘What’s Pissed Off Deirdre…Now?’   Well, actually, this morning, it’s Dr. Bill, for not coming clean about the fact that he had girlfriend.  Mr. and Mrs. Imus have been trying to set him up with Lis, essentially, pimping her out.  Maybe if Lis got a dark wig, took some photos, and post a profile written in ‘Tagalog’  on  ‘Filipino  Mail Order Brides’, she’d have some better luck.

    LIS, UNDERCOVER, AS ‘IMELDA’: 

    SHE SEEKS “OVERWEIGHT, MIDDLE AGED, HAIRY ARMED, MOUTHBREATHING DORK WHO WEARS A CHEAP WATCH AND STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER”

    7:41:06 A.M. –  Inspired by the story about Gay men now being allowed to be Boy Scout Leaders, leads the I-Man to pose the following question to the Bleached Babes:  “Would you let your child go camping with a Gay Scout Leader?”   Lis isn’t sure if she would allow her son or daughter…but she’d go in a heartbeat.  She’s not above going the ‘Cougar Route’

    “HEY…YOU BOYS WANT TO GET A LITTLE HELP EARNING YOUR ‘KNOT-TYING’ MERIT BADGE?

    7:45:16 A.M. – Imus embraces the idea of Lis lowering her age limit requirement.  He suggests that she takes a run at Gunz…who, basically, would take a run at that Filipino Mail Order Bride above.  When faced a life alone or dating  Gunz…Lis chooses…celibacy.  She would rather be one of those old ladies with all the cats.

    “THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO PUSSY AS GUNZ WILL EVER GET.”

    8:17:34 A.M. – Deirdre turns down the Thermostat, and then disappears from the studio.  Meanwhile, as you know, ‘Old people get cold.’  So the I-Man is freezing.  You can’t be mad at the D-Woman, however, she’s just trying to slow down the aging process…and keep the Boss Fresh.

    “DAMMIT, DEIRDRE, WHAT PART ABOUT ‘IT’S FREEZING IN HERE!’ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

    8:39:43 A.M. – Lanny Davis, Crisis Management Specialist and Harvey Keitel from Pulp Fiction kind ‘Cleaner’ for the Clinton’s, is on, and Imus asks him if he would rep Bill Cosby, or Walter Palmer, the serial rapist and that Hunter/Dentist/Coward.   Lanny firmly says ‘No’.  Which says a lot, considering he defended Bubba & Hillary through Travelgate and Vince Foster’s ‘Suicide’.

     LANNY DAVIS SUCCESSFULLY DISTRACTING HILLARY FROM NOTICING BUBBA HAS HIS LEFT HAND ON MELANIA TRUMP’S ASS 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN MEMORY OF CECIL THE LION,

    WE PRESENT TWO EXAMPLES

    OF THE INCREDIBLE BOND

    BETWEEN MAN AND BEAST

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SKh9iPWu1Y 

     

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLqVshIM4w

    Tuesday
    Jul282015

    Gunz Gets a Vocabulary Lesson

    6:03:12 A.M. – The I-Man is going on a road trip with T-Money. They’re driving the Custom Trailer to Huntsville to take Hemingway to Mike Arnold’s where he will train the horse to become a Roping Horse.  T-Money will drive and the Boss will snooze in the back on his MyPillow…because T-Money NEVER shuts up.

    THE I-MAN AND ‘T-MONEY’ TRY TO OUTRUN THE SHERRIFF

    6:08:56 A.M. – Connell reports on the plans to rebuild LaGuardia Airport, to the tune of a couple Billion Dollars.  When he’s through, the I-Man admits he didn’t hear a word as he was reading an email from Jimmy Rabbit.  He wants to know what Connell said.  Connell said he didn’t think the I-Man would be interested, as he NEVER flies in or out of LaGuardia, or, for that matter, on any Commercial Airline. The I-Man shocks us all by saying, “It’s not all about me.”   Did he just say what we thought he said?  This is clearly one of the first signs of the Apocalypse. The First Seal has been broken.   

     

    6:40:27 A.M. Father Jonathan Morris is on to promote a book he’s presenting about The Christophers, the Christian Sect that believes ‘It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness.’   Wise words.  We wonder where they got that quote from?

    THE OTHER ONE SAYS ‘YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD.’

    6:42:42 A.M. The Padre says that he blames Pope Francis for his assignment to a parish in the Bronx.  He says it’s a pretty rough neighborhood.  We don’t know why he’s fraidy scared…Jesus has got his back.

    “NOW REMEMBER, YOU DON’T PULL THE TRIGGER, YOU SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER.”

    7:15:37 A.M.  The I-Man says that, last night, he watched ‘Guitar Center Sessions’ with Nic Harcourt.  So we finally have the answer.  HE’S the one who’s watching it.

    NO, THAT’S NOT THE I-MAN WITH A HAIRCUT…THIS IS NIC HARCOURT

    7:16:24 A.M. – Warner reveals that Yankee Didi Gregorius had a great night last night, three hits driving in four runs.  Warner, as is his signature, mispronounces Didi’s name as ‘Gregarious’, which, in a post game interview, proved to be true, as the Dutch Shortstop is quite charming. Gunz, however, who, although is not COMPLETELY ‘On the Spectrum’, is certainly ‘Trainable’, doesn’t know what the word ‘Gregarious’ means.  It means ‘Sociable’, you moron.  Which doesn’t mean that you Tweet and post to Facebook frequently.

    “THIS IS SO…GREGARIOUS…I HAVE TO TWEET THIS…”

    7:36:06 A.M. PSYCHOS the first edition of the week, and it’s a powder keg.  Deirdre, Warner, Bernard, and Tony Powell are going to rail about what’s making them crazy.  Warner goes first, and, as he’s never been on Psychos before, has MONTHS of pent up rants ready to be unleashed.  He goes from people who cross against the red light while texting, the Nuclear Arms treaty, and Israel, despite the wishes of American Jews, is ready to jump ugly on anybody who thinks they’re going to threaten their survival.  It’s really easy to see Warner leaving the studio this morning, and instead of going to the gym and then the movies…he climbs on top of a Queens Water Tower with a High Powered Rifle and a Scope. 

    WARNER THROUGH THE LENS OF A S.W.A.T. SNIPER’S SCOPE

    7:37:16 A.M. – Tony has some Road Rage Issues.  He’s sick of people in the left lane going 4 miles an hour with their flashers on.  He’s also not happy with Rubberneckers.  He maintains that drivers have already SEEN an overturned tractor trailer.  But if E.T. was humping a goat by the exit ramp, he could understand why commuters might want to ‘slow down to take a picture.’

    YEAH, WE’D SLOW DOWN FOR THAT.

    7:39:18 A.M. – Bernie takes exception to Democrats’ gloating over what they perceive to be a ‘Clown Car’ group of Republican Candidates.  He says that the Democrats have their own Circus: The lady who’s married to a rapist, the guy who’s more concerned with the Metric System, and the Crazy Socialist who looks like he hasn’t showered or combed his hair since the campaign began.

    THE ‘CIRQUE DU SO LAME’

    7:41:57 A.M. – Deirdre has Planned Parenthood in her sites, she’s incredulous that the organization is selling the body parts of aborted fetuses…which is not the kind of conversation you’d be searching for on the radio dial if you were sitting down to a plate of sunnyside up eggs.

    THE PRECEEDING WAS A MESSAGE FROM THE BRENHAM TEXAS CHAPTER OF ‘RIGHT TO LIFE’

    8:07:34 A.M. – After wondering for almost a week why Dr. Bill has not contacted Lis Wiehl, the I-Man learns that Evans has a new girlfriend.  Which means that he only had enough Duct tape for one date.  After he goes to Costco and stocks up on a skid, he’ll give Lis a jingle jangle.

    LIS ON HER SECOND DATE WITH DR. BILL

    8:25:11 A.M. – During the Bernie Briefing, he plays a clip of Donald Trump suggesting that Hilary Clinton should be in jail for her Email Controversy.  McGuirk maintains that this particular scenario would be something that BILL Clinton would like.  We can imagine Bubba visiting his wife and telling her that “Orange is the New Black…so you can be the SECOND Black President…or THIRD if you count me…”

    HILLARY AND HER NEW CELLMATE…WAIT A MINUTE…IS THAT ‘MONICA’?

    8:39:43 A.M. – Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone is on, and says that he leaves tomorrow to travel the Campaign Trail with the G.O.P. Candidates.  You don’t think he’ll have a few stories to report, do you?

    WAIT A MINUTE…THAT’S NOT…IS IT?  WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A CLIP FROM ‘GUITAR CENTER SESSIONS’

    WITH NIC HARCOURT

    AND HIS GUEST,

    LOOKING FOR PAW PAW’S PILLS,

    THE GREAT DWIGHT YOAKUM

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojsChqPbDu4

    Monday
    Jul272015

    All About Sports

    6:05:12 A.M. – The I-Man says the Opening Ceremony for the Special Olympics was “The Best Thing I’ve Ever Seen.”  And it sets the tone for the top of the show, which is all about Sports.  He says he couldn’t bring himself to watch the Pan American Games.  He’s not alone with that.  Even the people who are COMPETING in the Pan American Games aren’t watching the Pan American Games.

    THERE ARE PLENTY OF TICKETS AVAILABLE

    6:12:56 A.M. –  Warner teases a story about Reggie Jackson’s F-Word tirade, and he’s got it all on tape.  He wants to save it for the listening audience so they will ‘Keep it where it is.’   Of course, the famous Imus Attention Span requires him to play it NOW.  We suppose Warner had no choice.  Lest he inspire an I-Man F-Word tirade.

    REGGIE JACKSON LOSES HIS PATIENCE WITH A FAN

    6:20:40 A.M. – The Boss says that Warner’s microphone sounds ‘funny’.  He adjusts it so that it is level with his mouth.  “I was too tall for the Mike…”  he explains.  Which is officially the first time he’s actually been too tall for anything.  He can’t even ride the ‘Tilt – A – Whirl’ at Six Flags.

    MAYBE NEXT YEAR, WARNER

    6:35:47 A.M. During the Briefing, Bernard plays a clip of Mike Francesa ‘Weighing In’  (Pun intended) on the Colin Cowherd controversy, for a racially insensitive comment about Dominican Baseball Players.  Francesa uses the phrase “In hot water” a number of times.  We think it’s because he’s thinking about lobster.

    BETTER PUT ON A RAINCOAT AND GRAB AN UMBRELLA, BECAUSE HOT, DRAWN BUTTER IS GONNA START FLYING HERE IN A MINUTE.

    6:40:08 A.M. – Bo Dietl phones in and says that we have to be willing to give up some of our rights to have freedom. He finds a connection between the Chattanooga Recruitment Center shooting, The Boston Bomber and some of the 911 hijackers…they all attended the same Mosque.  Bo thinks the Government needs to infiltrate a tate.   We think Bo should put on a Burka and sneak in himself.  He could pass for a woman terrorist.  He’s already got the beard.

    “YEAH, I’M A MUSLIM…MY NAME’S ABBA DABBA DOO.  ALI AKBA-HATATION.”

    6:45:09 A.M. – Bo tells us that he’s got a vegetable garden out there in the Hamptons where he ‘Summers’… he’s growing tomatoes, bell peppers, hot peppers and ‘googootz’… squash.  We’re sure it’s an organic garden…seeing as how Bo is already a Vegan. 

    7:05:37 A.M.  Deirdre has given the I-Man toast and chunky peanut butter, and he’s got some of it stuck in his throat.  He’s having a hard time talking. Arsenic will do that to you. 

    IT’S BETTER THAT IT’S HIS HANDS, AND NOT DEIRDRE’S

    7:15:44 A.M. –  After hearing that ‘Ant-Man’ has won the weekend box office yet again, the Boss is shocked to learn that Tony actually SAW the movie.  “Do you still have Spider-Man sheets?” asks Bernard.  No.  He doesn’t.  They’re James Bond sheets.  And unlike yours…they’re dry.

    TONY WILL BE IN THE SEQUEL: ‘AUNT MAN’

     7:17:32 A.M. –  Imus can’t understand why Dr. Bill has not followed through after lobbying for a date with Lis Wiehl.  According to the I-Man, “You start out on 3rd Base!”   Bill must be well-acquainted with Lis from the program…and, perhaps he just doesn’t want to ‘Steal Home’.  Although, we’re pretty sure she’d ‘Walk’ him in.

    DR. BILL…THE FIRST MAN NOT TO ‘SCORE’  WE THINK THE UKELELE WAS A ‘DEALBREAKER’

    7:39:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS starts with the, not surprising, cavity search Gunz was subjected to at the Airport coming back from Cleveland.  Finally.  He was able to use his Frequent Flier Miles for something he wanted.

    “CALL THE SUPERVISOR…I THINK WE GOT ONE…”

    7:41:33 A.M. – The I-Man asks Warner to explain the deal with DeAndre Jordan and his ‘Handshake Deal’ with Dallas Mavericks’ Mark Cuban.   Warner says he reneged on the deal, but didn’t have the class to tell ‘Shark Tank’ cast member Cuban , “I’m out.”

    “COME AWN!  IT WAS A HANDSHAKE VERBAL AGREEMENT!”

    7:45:16 A.M. – ‘Who’s the Bigger Douche’?   It’s a jump ball.  Reggie Jackson, who everybody knew was an asshole, versus Hulk Hogan, who just PROVED he’s an asshole.  In situations like these, we tend to take the most recent Douche.  In this case, Hulk Hogan.  

    “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME FOOL?” 

    8:07:34 A.M. – Imus asks Warner if he’d vote for Trump…Warner says he likes The Donald, but he hasn’t heard ‘All the Other Guys’ yet.  But he likes what Trump is doing.  We suspect that Warner may be living in one of Trump’s buildings and is looking for a little ‘Rent Control.’

    “SO…IT’S A DEAL?  400 BUCKS A MONTH?”

    8:22:11 A.M. – Warner reports the Kyle Bush won the Jeff Kyle 400 at the Brickyard in Indianapolis.  Warner also informs us that Danica Patrick finished 27, and her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse Jr. finished 35th.  Usually, Ricky finishes WAY before her.  But they’re working on that. 

    “I DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, RICKY, BUT…KYLE BUSH NEVER HAS THIS PROBLEM…”

    8:42:56 A.M. – Laura Ingraham phones in, and the first incisive, hard hitting kind of question the I-Man is known for, is “Do you like Peanut Butter?”   She says that she does, but not the organic kind that Deirdre serves her husband.  She’s a ‘Jif’ girl.  Apparently, she likes her peanut butter the way she likes her men: Processed, smooth, light brown, and spread generously.

    THE GIRL SURE DO LIKE HER PEANUT BUTTER

    8:45:09 A.M. – Laura is promoting her LifeZette, a ‘Lifestyle’ website which is like…a digital Lady’s Home Journal for Angry Conservatives.

    NO ‘ASHLEY MADISON’ KIND OF PROFILES ON THIS WEBSITE.  BUT NOT EXACTLY ‘CHRISTIAN MINGLE’ EITHER.  IT’S ‘LIFE…EXPLAINED’.  FINALLY.  WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE MEANING OF LIFE FOR YEARS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE HARKEN BACK TO A KINDER, GENTLER, HAPPIER TIME FOR THE HULKSTER

    https://screen.yahoo.com/fernando-hulk-hogan-mr-t-000000193.html

     “YOU LOOK…E…NORMOUS.”

    Friday
    Jul242015

    Connell Takes The Lead

    6:03:12 A.M. – The I-Man is off today, and so Connell takes the helm to lead us into another foray of Broadcasting Excellence.   Maybe we’re overselling.  Yeah, we probably are.  In actuality, he’ll just be in charge of keeping the monkeys in a row for the next four hours.

    “THE I-MAN IS OUT THIS MORNING, I’M CONNELL MCSHANE, HERE ARE SOME OF THE STORIES YOU’LL BE TALKING ABOUT…”

    6:08:56 A.M. – McShane and McGuirk discuss Donald Trump’s press conference yesterday, at which, he sported a little white hat.

    “HISPANICS WILL LOVE ME AS PRESIDENT.  LOOK, I’M WEARING A SOMBRERO.  IT WAS MADE IN MEXICO. BUT I’D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD TAKE THAT MICROPHONE OUT OF MY CROTCH.”

    6:18:36 A.M. – During the briefing, Bernard plays a cut of Dan Rather criticizing Trump, by saying he’s “…like Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind… ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.’  We think he’s more like Judy Garland in ‘The Wizard of Oz’. ‘Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more.’

    “MY DOG TOTO IS THE FINEST ANIMAL IN THE WORLD…”

    6:40:27 A.M.  Martha McCallum is on to discuss the Louisiana Shooting.  Which, we expect, Trump will be AGAINST.

    “MARTHA, I’M THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO HAS THE COURAGE TO SAY IT, AND I’M GOING TO SAY IT NOW…I AM NOT IN FAVOR OF PREMATURE DEATH.”

    7:05:37 A.M.  Two sharks were spotted at Tobay Beach on the Great South Bay of Long Island.  Upon sighting them, The Lifeguard blew his whistle to warn the bathers to get out of the water.  He didn’t exactly rush in to save anyone, however, because he was half way home.

    YOU TUGGED A NUGGET IN YOUR BOARD SHORTS, DIDN’T YOU, LIFEGUARD?

    7:32:44 A.M. –  HOLLYWOOD & VINE or, as we believe will come to be known as, SHUT UP, RIEDEL.   Deirdre almost takes a PSYCHOS  position, railing against Gwyneth Paltrow, she’s sick of her, her stupid ‘Goop’ website and her sexual health advice like ‘Steaming the vagina.’  The latest ridiculous technique she has has recommended to women to tone their pelvic floor muscles:  By Squatting and Peeing in the shower.   Which Riedel already does so he must have Pelvic Floor Muscles of Steel.  However, we think it’s appropriate to make a Note to self: ‘Do not invite Gwyneth Paltrow to a Pool Party.’

    PERHAPS SHE SHOULD’VE ‘CONSCIOUSLY UNCOUPLED’ FROM HER GYM SHORTS FIRST

    7:34:06 A.M. – Riedel is calling for the retirement of…Adam Sandler, especially in light of the bomb he’s in that opens today:  ‘Pixels’.   Riedel says Sandler is “NOT funny…was NEVER funny, and never will BE funny.”  Michael is pretty much the spokesperson for Movie Fans everywhere, who feel exactly the same way about him. In fact, we would agree that Sandler was the most UNFUNNY PERSON IN THE WORLD, but…that designation goes to Kevin James…who, by the way, is ALSO in ‘Pixels’.   Game Over. 

    THESE TWO MORONS AREN’T GOING TO BE DOING ‘SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK’ ANY TIME SOON

    7:40:16 A.M. – Imogen brings up the bitter feud between Nikki Minaj and Taylor Swift, who are currently engaged in a Twitter Battle.   We think that these two should work out their differences in a civil, professional manner:  Wearing bikinis in a kiddie pool filled with Jello.

    NIKKI AND TAYLOR…WORKING IT OUT AS ADULTS…WATCH THEM FROM THE SIDELINES.

    8:14:34 A.M. – The Quote of the morning comes from…of course…Donald Trump:   “Hispanics love me…they already do.”  He says that Hispanics will vote for him.  Even the Latinos WHO WORK FOR HIM…won’t work for him.    

    “EL RANCHO GRANDE IS THE GREATEST MARIACHI SONG EVER WRITTEN AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT…BUT NOBODY CAN PLAY IT AS WELL AS I CAN.”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Michael Calderone, Senior Media Reporter for the Huffington Post will go wherever Trump wants to go to talk.  In his estimation, “He makes for good, interesting TV.

    MICHAEL CALDERONE’S FAVORITE SHOW

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A SITUATION EERILY SIMILAR TO THE ONE CONNELL WAS FACED WITH THIS MORNING

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h14Dn8_JyM 

    Thursday
    Jul232015

    Special I-Man Birthday Edition

    6:03:12 A.M. – Today should be declared a National Holiday.  The man, for whom we are all indebted, is having a birthday.  Happy 54th, Woody Harrelson! 

    Psyche!  It’s the I-Man’s Natal Anniversary!  75 years ago, in Riverside, California, it came to pass…glad tidings of great joy…Don Imus was born.  Not in a manger, but, in a Hospital.  He wanted to be close to his mother.

    THE MEDIA ANNOUNCES THE BIRTH OF GOD’S OTHER SON

    6:10:20 A.M. – Bernie reports that Rick Perry, in response to Donald Trump’s  making a mockery of the G.O.P. nominating process and disrespect to the soldiers, took the Billionaire to task.  The I-Man wanted to know if Perry made any personal attacks…you know, because Perry has good hair and he could’ve dissed Trump’s.   Nahhhhh.  Who would want to make fun of Donald Trump’s hair?  Not us.

    “HAIR?  WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY HAIR?” 

    6:15:44 A.M. – Warner reports that, yesterday, he joined a protest against the Iran Nuke Deal in Times Square.  It was such a big issue for Warner, he actually missed ‘Jeopardy’.  He really MUST be serious.

    HELL NO.  WARNER WON’T GO.

    6:40:27 A.M. Fox News’ White House Correspondent Ed Henry is on the wire to discuss among other things, the President’s Trip to Kenya, ISIS Terrorism, and the upcoming Republican Debate where he believes Donald Trump will be Firestarter.  Now…don’t go out on a limb there, Ed.

    IF HE’S A FIRESTARTER…HE SHOULD START HERE FIRST

    7:03:06 A.M.  During his weather report, Dr. Bill is asked by the I-Man if there’s anything new on the ‘Dating Front’.  Dr. Evans is obviously anticipating his date with Lis Wiehl, as he reveals he went the Hardware Store yesterday to get supplies.  Namely, some Duct Tape and Rope.  He insists that those are just for him.  But we know better.  He’s nothing if not a ‘romantic’.

    THAT’S NOT NICE, DR. BILL.  SHE’S GOT SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SMILE.

    7:05:30 A.M.  Mark Chernoff sends the I-Man some Birthday Wishes, and wonders if he’s developed a Texas ‘Drawl’ yet.  Which, in Mr. Chernoff’s estimation is better than a ‘Drool’. 

    MAYBE YOU SHOULD PULL THAT BANDANA UP OVER YOUR MOUTH, COWBOY

    7:17:44 A.M. –  Apparently, according to reports, some cyclists in the Tour De France are hiding small motors in their bicycles.  

    HOW CAN YOU TELL WHICH BIKE HAS THE MOTOR?  THE ONE THAT HAS THE EXHAUST COMING OUT OF THE BACK.

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  kicks off with the I-Man’s taking issue with T-Money, who, when asked why the Automatic Water Fillers for the Horses hadn’t been cleaned, replied, “Somebody stole the brush I use to clean them with.”  Don’t give the I-Man a lame answer when he asks you a question.

    T-MONEY BEING DISCIPLINED BY THE I-MAN (ARTISTS’ RENDERING)

    7:38:16 A.M. – Curtis Sliwa is upset that the I-Man has not tried to set Lis up with him, as he’s currently looking for ‘Ex-Wife Number 5’.

    UNFORTUNATELY, HE AND LIS WERE TO ACTUALLY DATE, CURTIS, INSTEAD OF HIS TRADEMARK BERET, WOULD WANT TO WEAR A PAPER BAG ON HIS HEAD

    7:39:18A.M. – Alan, as you might expect, is pretty fired up about the Sandra Bland incident, and Bernie is sick of politicians who refuse to tell us where they stand on the Iran Nuclear Deal, because they’re “Afraid of Obama and the Big Bucks Jewish Donors.”

    A DONOR GOING TO THE ATM TO WITHDRAW FUNDS TO PAY THE POLITICIANS TO TAKE A STAND ON THE IRAN NUCLEAR DEAL

    7:41:38 A.M. – Deirdre is outraged that Planned Parenthood is killing babies and that women are behind all of this.  Which, when you get to thinking about it, makes sense, as they’re the ones who are HAVING the babies.  Or not, depending on their position….Missionary, Doggie, Glowing Triangle, Anvil, Magic Mountain, Plough or Butterfly.

    WE’RE PRETTY SURE WITH THE ONES THAT HAVE TWO BLUES AND ONE RED AREN’T ‘SANCTIONED’ FOR CONCEPTION

    8:07:34 A.M. – Bernard says Cops can be douchebags at times, and he’s sure everyone has had a similar experience.  Tony…begs to differ.

     

    YEAH.  IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME…

    8:09:11 A.M. – Lis Wiehl texts the I-Man after The Boss makes an attempt to play Cupid for her and Dr. Bill .  She’s not NOT interested, but she’s not sure…

    IMUS IS STUPID…UM…ER…WE MEAN CUPID.

    8: 18:36 A.M. – Imus responds to warner’s report about changes in Playoff Rules.  “Adam Silver is a fugly dude.  You know what he doesn’t have?  Big Ole Blubbertitties.”

    MR. SILVER ALSO LOOKS LIKE HE DOESN’T HAVE MUCH OF A PENIS EITHER.

    8:42:43 A.M. – Neil Cavuto is asked by the Boss what he thinks about Trump, and likes the fact that The Donald doesn’t turn down an interview with anybody.  The I-Man reminds Mr. Cavuto that Trump still has those ‘Blubber Titties’…and then asks Neil if HE has them.  Neil avoids the question with feigned disdain.  Of COURSE he has them.

    INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, CAVUTO IS A ‘C’ CUP

    8:45:09 A.M. – Neil finds Trump “Very entertaining”, and believes that Trump would go on Dora the Explorer to make his case.  We don’t think so, as ‘Boots’ is still upset at Trump’s ‘Mexican Rapists’ remark.

      

    AS A YOUNG, CARTOON  MEXICAN GIRL, LITTLE DORA WOULD’VE BEEN A LOT MORE UPSET BY TRUMP’S REMARKS; THAT IS, IF BOOTS HADN’T SLIPPED SOME ‘LUDES IN HER CAFÉ CON LECHE

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    ROBERT SMIGEL’S ‘TV FUNHOUSE’ PARODY OF DORA THE EXPLORER: 

    MARAKA!

     

    https://vim9063231eo.com/