6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man and Nat have a warm and fuzzy moment: Imus calls him a ‘Fat, Hairy Bitch’, and Mr. Candido refers to the Boss as ‘An Old, Smelly Skank’. Why so much love in the studio? It’s Wednesday.
NAT CANDIDO: DARWIN WAS RIGHT
6:07:14 a.m. – Yesterday, Imus went to New York Hospital to get some blood drawn, somewhat ironic, considering he’s usually the one sucking the blood out of people. Because that’s how the undead…stay undead.
“JOSEPH ABBOUD MADE THIS OUTFIT…AND I’M THE ONE WHO SUCKS?”
6:09:18 a.m. – After being at the hospital, and knowing he was basically in a Human Germ Car Wash, the Boss doesn’t want guests shaking his hands, hugging him, or trying to touch him. As if that was the first thing they think of doing when they meet him. After one of his mental patient coughing fits, there isn’t a swimming pool of Purell large enough to kill the bacteria.
“IT’S ALMOST COMPLETELY SCRUBBED, MRS. IMUS! YOU CAN REFILL IT WITH WATER NOW.”
6:38:13 a.m. – Contributing Editor to Vanity Fair and author, Vicky Ward, a lovely British Woman with a great voice, has written a book called ‘Liar’s Ball’. It’s a gripping story…about a building. New York Real Estate, and the Egotistical Power Brokers, you know, all that fun stuff. The I-Man has a little difficulty getting Ms. Ward to tell him who owned the building, and who owns it now…instead, she launches into a synopsis of the book, knowing that he hasn’t read it, and there’s no way in hell he is going to. What we want to know is… ‘Who owns the book?’ ‘I don’t know.’ Third Base.
IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU EXPERIENCE BUILDING ENVY
7:05:11 a.m. – The I-Man couldn’t watch the World Series last night. “I just don’t care who wins.” That is, until San Francisco is on a three game winning streak. Then ‘His Team’ will become the World Champions.
THIS MAN DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE WORLD SERIES EITHER, ALTHOUGH, HE IS SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN ‘BATS’ AND ‘BALLS’…
7:09:18 a.m. – Chris Quintana, reporter for The New Mexican… (“Nice kid…but lazy, sloppy and a terrible reporter.”) interviewed the I-Man for about 10 minutes and then askED, “Is this really Imus?” We understand his doubt, as the Boss, up until then, hadn’t called him fat and stupid. Chris is not the greatest researcher…he says that in 2007 Imus was let go from MSNBC and WFAN…but now “Makes his program available on Podcast.” Um…yah. Way to go, ‘Scoop’. We think Quintana’s responsible for the death of Ben Bradlee. Who, by the way, is currently doing the horizontal mambo in his coffin at the state of journalism today, as illustrated by this pinhead from the New Mexican.
THE I-MAN BROADCASTING HIS ‘PODCAST’ CALLED ‘77 WABC’
7:15:30a.m. – Connell reports that there are Teen Girls trying to join ISIS. Those will be some pretty interesting Tweets.
7:41:24 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE The ladies argue about a number of topics, however, as usual, we tuned out during the din, but our ears did prick up when the topic of Breast Cancer was introduced, and the I-Man asked Deirdre and Lis if they examine their own breasts. Um…as in… Lis examines Deirdre’s, and Deirdre examines Lis’? Or is that too much to hope for? But could we get a couple of pictures anyway? You know, for those of us who are ‘Health Conscious’?
WE OFFER OUR SERVICES AS INSPECTORS
7:46:02 a.m. – The Boss asks Deirdre, a Catholic, what she thinks about the Pope’s stance on Gay Marriage. He mentions that Father Jonathan Morris isn’t a big fan of the practice, and asks the two of them know Father Jonathan. Lis says “Yes. He’s part of our Threesome.’
THE I-MAN IS OBVIOUSLY MR. ROPER
8:06:32 a.m. – After reporting the sad news a few times earlier on, Ben Bradlee…is still dead. The I-Man says that “He’s in a better place.” Really? A 6x3 wooden box under half a ton of dirt? Too soon? Perhaps. 93, and he went (snap) ‘Just like that!’
BENNY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE
8:16:16 a.m. – During Dagen’s business report, she does a story about a new type of underwear, that protects your junk from being exposed to cell-phone radiation. And we thought ‘Butt Dialing’ was a problem. As we have learned from Anthony Weiner…your penis and cell phones should never be near each other.
OF COURSE, IF YOUR PHONE IS SHAPED LIKE A PENIS…THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER
8:38:14 a.m. – Comedy Royalty is here…Patrick Carlin, brother of the late, great, LEGENDARY George Carlin, is here to promote the naming of a street in Morningside Heights in honor of his brother. ‘George Carlin Way’ will be on 121st and Amsterdam Avenue…and we believe that all the graffiti on that block will feature the ‘7 Words You Can’t Say On Television.’
A GRAFFITI PORTRAIT OF COMEDY JESUS
8:46:00 a.m. – Patrick says it’s “All about the music, man.” And so he’s provided a number of 5 Favorite Song Lists: A Stoner List, a Texas List, A New York City List, and a ‘Best of Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute’ list, which, we think, he came up with while he was ‘researching’ the stoner list.
PATRICK CARLIN, ON THE IMUS PROGRAM,
PATRICK CARLIN: THE ‘FARMER’
AND WITH HIS BROTHER…
VIDEO OF THE DAY
IN HONOR OF THE DEDICATION OF ‘GEORGE CARLIN WAY’
A CLIP THAT SHOWS WHY THIS GENIUS IS STILL CELEBRATED