6:05:00 A.M. – A brief respite to cleanse the palate from the awful news of late, the I-Man is amused by the story about the FBI finding somebody to crack that iPhone they’ve been haranguing Apple about. Now that the Feds were successful…Apple wants them to tell how they did it. Yeahhhhhh that’s gonna happen.
TECH WIZ AND SELF-NAMED ‘THUN-DAR THE SLAUGHTERER’, STEWART CHUSID, WAS ABLE TO PENETRATE THE I-PHONE’S ENCRYPTION. WHICH IS THE ONLY THING HE’S LIKELY TO PENETRATE IN HIS LIFE
6:08:16 A.M. – Speaking of ‘How did they do it?’ Connell reports on the Egyptian Air hijacking, and Imus wonders how they were able to, especially in this day and age. What is this, the 1970s? Apparently, the hijacker just wants to get a letter to his wife. “Why didn’t he text her?” asks the pragmatic Imus.
“HAS ANYONE SEEN ‘BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN? PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT IT, BECAUSE I DON’T THINK I’M GOING TO BE SEEING IT ANY TIME SOON.”
6:14:16 A.M. – The Boss is pissed off at WABC Radio, because, upon looking at their website, discovers that “You wouldn’t even know we were on the Station.” But he discovers a silver lining in this situation, as he always does: “Which might not be a bad thing, because the station…sucks.” Which, according to his assessment of the Cumulus management, should be the station’s slogan.
THE NEW LOGO HERE AT WABC
6:21:33 A.M. – Today is Walt Frazier’s 71st Birthday. We are ‘Posting and Toasting’ you today, Clyde, hoping that your birthday is ‘Bounding and Astounding’, and that you will be ‘Dancing and Prancing’ all day long.
CLYDE ‘STYLIN’ AND PROFILIN’
6:40:27 A.M. – Fox News Anchor Bret Baier is a guest, and he questions the value of the information that had been locked in the terrorist’s iPhone, as it’s been there for almost four months. It may not pertain to anything going on now.
UM…THIS MIGHT’VE BEEN USEFUL LAST SUMMER
7:05:10 A.M. – Sid Tweets a picture of he and his wife having dinner, which would suggest that there are a few of his 20K plus followers who, A- Are actually interested in what he’s eating, and B-Seeking insight into why such an attractive woman would be seen in public with him.
JULIUS (SID) ROSENBERG AND HIS WIFE, ETHEL
7:12:22A.M. – Sid has been ‘Under the Weather’ lately, and Curtis Sliwa has accused the muscle-bound over-tanned buffoon, (sorry, we mean radio host) of having the ‘Zika’ Virus.
ZIKA? WE DON’T KNOW WHAT CURTIS IS TALKING ABOUT.
7:13:44 A.M. – Imus says he’s been sleeping in his Bloomer Trailer for the past five days. He doesn’t want to stay in it anymore, but refuses to stay in a Motel because he doesn’t want “Bugs jumpin’” on him.
WE DON’T KNOW WHY HE DOESN’T WANT TO STAY IN HIS TRAILER…IT’S NICER AND THREE TIMES THE SIZE OF BOTH OUR HOUSES PUT TOGETHER
7:35:07 A.M. – Just prior to the weekly ‘Bernie & Sid’ segment, the I-Man says that the reason why he won’t stay in motels anymore is because Sid might’ve been there.
WE CAN’T BLAME THE I-MAN…WE WOULDN’T WANT TO STAY ANYWHERE A FACE LIKE THIS HAS EVER SLEPT
7:39:16 A.M. – BERNIE & SID: Doesn’t start out all that great, and we don’t know if it’s just the Zika talking, but Sid accuses Imus of stealing his position regarding Trump not taking the High Road in this war between he and Ted Cruz over their wives. 4 Marconis, pinhead…and Imus is stealing from an orange knucklehead? Yah. Sid then accuses his co-host, Bernard, of being a ‘Yes Man’, sucking up to The Boss like an ass-kissing Sycophant. Imus jumps on this bandwagon, chastising Bernie for not standing up to him. Bernie agrees, and jumps on the bandwagon himself, essentially admitting that he’s a Boot-Licking Toady.
COVER BOY BERNARD MCGUIRK. HE’S ESPECIALLY FETCHING IN THE CENTERFOLD
8:05:11 A.M. – Good news…the Hijacking is over. Nobody’s hurt and the Hijacker’s in custody. Usually, a hijacking goes horribly wrong, but in this case, ‘All’s Well That Ends Well.’ That is, unless you’re a passenger who has to get back on a plane to fly to your original destination. There might be, as they say in the air travel business, some ‘Residual Hesitance’ involved.
AFTER A HIJACKING, TURBULENCE IS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS
8:15:30 A.M. – Even though over 42 THOUSAND people signed a petition to allow guns at the GOP Convention in Cleveland, the Secret Service will not allow them, despite the fact that Ohio is an Open Carry State. We’ve been all for the ban…because we mistakenly thought it was to allow GUNZ at the GOP Convention. But now that we know they mean firearms…it’s an entirely different story. Especially if GUNZ actually plans on attending. He might need a little ‘deterrent’ to un-convince him that’s a good idea.
“THE BAN ON FIREARMS WILL BE ENFORCED THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CONVENTION. UNLESS YOU SEE THIS KID… IN WHICH CASE, ALL BETS ARE OFF.”
AT PREVIOUS CONVENTIONS, THEY LET YOU PICK ONE UP AS YOU ENTERED THE ARENA
8:40:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin from the New York Post is on to discuss the election. Mr. Goodwin remarks about how uncanny it is that Clinton and Trump have HUGE disapproval ratings. 67% for Hillary, 75% for The Donald. Joseph Goebbels didn’t have that high a disapproval rating from the B’nai Brith.
JOE GOEBBELS. NOT EXACTLY ‘MR. CONGENIALITY’
8:41:07 A.M. – Mr. Goodwin goes on to say that, although initially he wasn’t a Donald Trump supporter, he now is; basically because Trump’s the one person who has “Touched a nerve with the people”. Yah. Like a Dentist with Parkinson’s.
“OOPS! SORRY, MY BAD…UM…THAT’S GONNA BLEED FOR AWHILE.”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
Another Example of a Hi-Jacking Gone Bad
And finally, our hearts, thoughts and prayers go out to the Imus family on the loss of their beloved Norfolk Terrier,
WYATT, DONNY & DEIRDRE IMUS WITH WES BOWMASTER
In tribute, offer the words of Lawyer, Congressman, and U.S. Senator,
George Graham Vest
The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.
A man’s dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.
If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.