6:05:00 A.M. – Imus begins the morning by hammering Marco Rubio, and then segues into a remark that he hasn’t heard from our first guest this morning, Mike Baker, in a while. Well, Mike WAS in the CIA, (that’s what he tells us anyway, we think it’s a lot like the Mafia…once you’re in…you never get out) so it is quite possible he’s been…busy.
MIKE’S BEEN ‘TIED UP’ LATELY.
6:15:30 A.M. – A clip of Deborah Norville interviewing Paula Jones is played, causing the I-Man to reminisce about the time we did a remote broadcast from Little Rock, and he stayed in the very same suite at the Excelsior Hotel where President Clinton, (allegedly), showed Ms. Jones his penis. He searched the room for ‘Evidence’ that would help to incriminate Bubba, but, alas, came up with nothing. The hotel is one of those that Imus says “You can’t take your socks off” when you’re walking around the room. Given Clinton’s penchant for expelling ‘Love Ick’ everywhere, that designation would ESPECIALLY apply to the Presidential Suite.
“HE ‘SPOSED HIMSELF TO ME RIGHT THERE IN THE SUITE.”
“ARE YOU SURE IT JUST WASN’T YOUR SEEING YOUR OWN NOSE?”
THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE EXCELSIOR HOTEL
6:17:46 A.M. – The I-Man is INCENSED that the Texas High School Rodeo Association scheduled not just one, but TWO rodeos ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s in Crockett, Texas, which is 107 miles from the I-Ranch in Brenham. They’re going to put the game up on the big screen in the arena so you can watch with all the other Rodeo Aficionados, which, is something the Boss says you couldn’t PAY him to do. Ironically, the people sitting in the stands feel the same way about Imus sitting in the stands with his boots off. The biggest problem with the scenario is…the snack bar doesn’t serve organic roasted Brussels sprouts.
AN ARTIST’S RENDERING OF WHAT A BRONCOS (L) AND PANTHERS (R) SUPER BOWL WOULD LOOK LIKE IF HELD AT THE RODEO ARENA
6:40:40 A.M. – Former Spook, (or so he claims) Mike Baker has phoned in (from an undisclosed location as usual) and, when Imus asks him about the Hillary E-Mail controversy, he says that if it was he who had stored classified E-Mails on his private server…he’d be in jail this very day. However, although he’s convinced that the FBI will indict the Former Secretary of State, he believes the Department of Justice won’t pursue it.
HILLARY TO THE F.B.I.: “NYAH NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAHHH NYAH!”
7:05:08 A.M. – The I-Man extolls the virtues of Charlie Thompson, the world’s greatest Horse Shoer.
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOMETHING IN A ‘PUMP’? WE HAVE QUITE A FEW THAT COME IN WIDE SIZES…AND THEY’RE NOT HORSEHIDE.”
7:11:22 A.M. – Imus is interested in the East Coast/West Coast Hip Hop War from the 90’s in which, Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls (The Notorious B.I.G.) were killed, and the new documentary that suggests Puffy paid to have Tupac killed and Suge Knight had Big Poppa killed.
IMUS AND HIS BFF SUGE KNIGHT ON THE NIGHT BIGGIE WAS KILLED. WE’RE NOT SURE WHO PULLED THE TRIGGER…BUT THE I-MAN DOES HAVE A CARRY PERMIT
7:17:34 A.M. – Imus has a very astute perspective on Jeb Bush and the way he’s been taken down by Trump: He refused to fight back. The I-Man insists that Jeb SHOULD have fought back, and matched Trump’s vitriol. For every ‘Low Energy’ remark made by Trump, Bush should’ve returned fire referring to Donald’s ‘Blubber Titties’. Or played ‘The Dozens’…and make ‘Yo’ Mama’ Jokes about Trump’s mother. Although, we’re not sure Jeb would want to go down that road, seeing as how his Moms looks like she’s the guy on the Dollar Bill.
“YO MAMA SO OLD, GEORGE WASHINGTON TOOK HER TO THE PROM.”
7:39:16 A.M. – PSYCHOS finds Bernard taking President Obama to task his visit yesterday to a Mosque that is being investigated by the F.B.I. He’s offended that those at the Mosque practice ‘Gender Apartheid’ in the way they treat their women.
BERNARD’S PERCEPTION OF THE PRESIDENTIAL PORTRAIT
Alan talks about Evangelicals in Iowa and the GOP Candidates that pander to them. He may have a point, but it’s moot. He’s not going to heaven because he’s Jewish.
CURTIS’ PERCEPTION OF ALAN B. COLMES HEADSHOT
Deirdre hates…well, Alan. She takes umbrage at his defense of the way Muslim women are treated, comparing the gender bias to that of Orthodox Jews. She’s absolutely INCENSED by his position, and screams at him with such vitriol that, although we don’t agree with some religions’ silencing their women…we understand.
A PR PHOTO OF DAFIYAH IMUS AND LAMISA WIEHL FOR THEIR NEW MUSLIM RADIO SHOW ‘BURQA ON BURQA’
Curtis goes postal over Police Commissioner Bratton’s announcement that napping is no longer allowed on subway trains and police are going to start waking people up, as they are easy victims and much more susceptible to crime. Now that the Guardian Angels are back on the trains, we hope the overworked Mr. Sliwa doesn’t ‘Nod Off’.
CURTIS SLIWA: JUST A QUICK 40 WINKS BEFORE HEADING DOWN TO THE STATION TO BUST SOME HEADS
8:05:11 A.M. – Both Dr. Bill Evans AND Sid Rosenberg have made it known that they want to join The Guardian Angels. That will happen right around the time Larry Flynt wins the Gold in the Decathlon at the Olympics.
SID HITS ON A NUBILE STRAP HANGER, WHILE DR. BILL LOOKS ON, REMINDING US TO PUT OUR ‘GUARDIAN GEAR ON’
8:10:25 A.M. – While extolling the virtues of his amazingly beautiful, plush, and loaded Horse Trailer, the Boss says “If you don’t’ have a Bloomer Trailer, you’re a terrorist.”
“ONLY INFIDELS DO NOT HAVE BLOOMER TRAILERS!”
8:20:40 A.M. – Imus weighs in on the Bratton/Don’t Sleep in the Subway edict. “Who do they think is riding the Subway? Bill Cosby?”
COS’ GETS A LITTLE SHUT EYE ON THE WAY TO PICK UP SOME QUAALUDES
8:40:43 A.M. – Super Attorney Arthur Aidala is on and shares that his Grandfather was a Judge. Not the kind on a bench in a courtroom, but in a boxing ring. He officiated at the first Ali-Frazier fight. Really. Well…I’ll be darned. Thanks for sharing, Arthur. The I-Man was ALSO at the fight. Interestingly, neither man remembers it. Arthur’s Grandfather because he’s dead…and the I-Man, because…it was 1974.
FRAZIER, ALI, GRANDPA AIDALA AND THE I-MAN, WHO, AS WAS SOMETIMES HIS WONT, WANDERED INTO THE RING LOOKING FOR THE MEN’S ROOM
VIDEO OF THE DAY
ALI / FRAZIER
AND…AS A BONUS,
A LITTLE PETULA CLARK
IN A TRIBUTE TO POLICE COMMISSIONER BRATTON