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    Friday
    Feb212014

    Down a Few

    6:05:10 a.m. –   The Imus In The Morning Show is not at full strength. Rob, Bigfoot, and Warner are all out today. Rob is recovering from an All You Can Eat Buffet. Poor fella thought the restaurant was trying to punk him. The restaurant was forced to remove that sign after Rob left. Warner is back in rehab. There’s nothing sadder than watching a sports broadcasting legend licking the cardboard insides of an empty box of wine. Bigfoot was captured by some Spike TV rednecks trying to get that ten million dollar reward.  Foot tried to explain that he wasn’t an actual Sasquatch, and that the term ‘Bigfoot’ is merely a term of endearment. Sadly Bowman’s eloquence only led these rednecks to comment that Bigfoot “sure had a purty mouth”. We hope he’s okay

    Hey Just Call Fox Business. They’ll Vouch For Me. I’m The Producer Of Imus In The Morning! What? Oh,.. You Are A Stern Fan. Ummm…..Bababooey

    6:13:14 a.m. –  Lori Rothman, our Fox Business News Update reporter, is caught on the monitor primping her hair. She says that the producers at Fox feel that her hair needs more loft. Naturally the I-Man can’t ignore someone’s hair. Jesus Gramps!  What’s your deal with hair? The I-Man offers Lori some hair tips, which she seems okay with. Really? What’s next Lori? Cooking tips from Jeffrey Dahmer? Looks like primpin ain’t easy.

    It’s Hard Out Here For a Primp. I’m Ready For My Close Up Bitches

    6:40:46 a.m. – I-Fave Darrell Waltrip is the guest. He’s on to discuss this weekend’s Daytona 500. It’s the biggest event in the NASCAR season. He is the premier NASCAR broadcaster, and he’s on to give us some race insights. So naturally we talk about bird poop. Wyatt has made the observation that it’s white even though they don’t eat anything white. We learn that bird dookey is white because they don’t urinate, and therefore excrete nitrogenous, uric acid, and solid waste through their little birdy poopers.  Waltrip is somewhat confused by this line of questioning, however he now understands why The I-Man sleeps on rubber sheets.

    Sorry Kid. Note To Self. No More Tacos And Beer For Breakfast

    7:13:35 a.m. – Gunz, filling in for Warner this morning, reports that the unranked UNC Tarheels beat their hated rivals The Duke Blue Devils.  The I-Man asks the cub reporter if he can spell the legendary Duke coach, Mike Krzyzewski’s, last name. Since Gunz won’t see this blog until later the answer is no. Seriously Gunz can’t even spell his own last name. You can’t leave this moron alone unsupervised around a jar of paste.

    They Thought It Would Be A Passing Phase

    7:23:15 a.m. – A doctor called Deirdre for advice on how to treat his prostate cancer. It’s a testimony to the D-Woman’s vast research, and knowledge of best practices for treatment of prostate cancer. This doctor may have trouble following Deirdre’s advice as it will require marrying a much younger, hotter woman, who just happens to be a vegetarian prostate cancer savant, who is easily tempted by old cowboys with candy in the back seat of a limo.

    Fortunately For The I-Man His Cowboy Candy Was Organic

    7:38:37 a.m. – The first of two Vinnie From Queens segments begins. We learn from Connell that Mets superfan Nat Candido is “that guy”. By “that guy” he means the guy in your section of your favorite sports team’s stadium/ field / arena that screams “Loser” at the other team’s players. Naturally the irony that a Mets fan is yelling “loser” at the players on the team kicking his team’s a** is lost on Mr. Candido. 

    Nat’s Fellow Mets Fans Are Somewhat Uncomfortable With Mr. Candido’s Ball Park Behavior

    8:07:26 a.m. – The I-Man wants to know if there is a smaller cup of coffee available at Starbucks than the one he’s been buying. As he only takes three or four sips from each four dollar cup, there might be a more efficient use of the I-Mans’ sheckles. Carley had been purchasing Imus’ morning joe in ‘Tall’ cups. This morning she learned that Starbucks has a ‘short’. Sadly it’s also something Mrs. Imus discovered on her wedding night.

    The I-Man’s New Um.. Coffee Maker

    8:16:14 a.m. – Connell reports a story about a pervy University of Florida professor that was arrested for surreptitiously taking up skirt pictures of his co-ed students. The I-Man seems confused as to why a man would secretly film up a woman’s skirt. Well Boss we suppose it’s because they probably wouldn’t stop and pose for the photos if you asked them to.

    So You Say You’ve Never Been To College? The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

    8:39:24 a.m. – For today’s bonus edition of Vinnie From Queens we have a surprise guest. Wait for it. It’s none other than our favorite meteorrrrahlogiss Dr. Bill Evans. We can’t see Dr. Bill as he’s on the phone calling in. It’s just as well. Seeing the wacky weatherman wearing his sports gear for the segment might be a little disturbing. Especially when you realize that Evans doesn’t know that you’re supposed to put the cup on the inside. By the way his cup is also a short.

    Dr. Bill In His “Beach Volley Ball Gear”

    9:06:11 A.M. – The I-Man reveals that he’s slowing coming around on Conan O’Brien, and is about ready to jump on the Team CoCo bandwagon. After hating on the “Herbie The Dentist” lookalike for years Imus is beginning to realize that he may indeed be funnier than Jimmy Fallon. Jesus, a puppy funeral is funnier than Jimmy Fallon. We recognize that it sometimes takes the I-Man a while to discover “new” things like the magic of I-Hop pancakes, and the fact that some people use Viagra for more than just breathing.

    So Andy The I-Man Is Ready To Get On Board. True Story Yea. Yea.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    In Honor Of The Vinnie Double We Decided To Give You Another Pick-Em Video Choice. A Little Something From The House Of CoCo And A Little Something For You Up Skirt Fans

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-253uBJap8 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slfkiWZ7ozI

    Thursday
    Feb202014

    On the Pulse

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man, ever the innovator, has now asked guests to provide their Musical Mt. Rushmore.  Imus includes Sinatra, Elvis the Beatles, and the fourth position is still up for grabs.  The Boss is justified in his anger.  The answers he’s received include Al Green, Teddy Pendergrast, The Isley Brothers, Johann Strauss and Green Day.  What about Terry Jacks?  ‘Seasons in the Sun’ was a seminal record!

    ANY MUSICAL MT RUSHMORE THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE ENGLEBERT AND TERRY JACKS IS JUST JIVE

    6:07:14 a.m. –   The I-Man discusses the Ray Rice video, in which he is seen dragging his fiancée out of an elevator of a Bankrupt Casino, after cold-cocking her with a punch.  Apparently, we’ve been told there is a similar video of the elevator coming down from the Imus’ Central Park Penthouse.  Except Deirdre was the one dragging the I-Man out after punching him in the neck.

    YOU CAN’T SEE IT IN THIS PICTURE, BUT THE FIGURE ON THE FLOOR IS WEARING A COWBOY HAT

    6:08:16 a.m. –   Neil Cavuto walks into the studio wearing an overcoat, and the resemblance to Luca Brazi is…stunning.  We never wanted this for you Neil.  Senator Cavuto, Governor Cavuto…Pope Neil the 1st.  Be careful at the toll booth.  Make sure your driver has Easy Pass.

    NEIL CAVUTO CAREFULLY WATCHES THE SHOW...FROM OFF SET. 

    6:06:12 a.m. –   The Boss appears to be oblivious to Mr. Cavuto’s presence in the room.  He does not hear Neil laugh, which is due to the fact that he is…well, deaf.  So if our Fearless Fox Leader WAS actually Luca Brazi, it would be the easiest hit on the planet.   “I’m here to kill you.,” “What?”  “I’m here to kill you.”  “WHAT?”  “I SAID I’M HERE TO KILL YOU, YOU DEAF MOTHERF@#KER!”  “You want to sell me a left woodchucker?”   Blam.

    “THE MAN…SAY…HE…GOING…TO…KILL…YOU…DEAD…TURKEY…BINGO…APPLESAUCE WASHCLOTH…ROOT BEER…PONY.”

    6:40:46 a.m. –.  Bo Dietl is on for a special Thursday Edition, having missed his weekly segment on Monday due to President’s Day.  He’s very worried about Cyber Warfare…and this kind of terrorism is the most heinous of all, as, “If somebody was able to bring down our computers…we’d be defunktated.”

    “YOU SEE THAT HOURGLASS ICON ON YOUR SCREEN THAT WON’T GO AWAY?  YOU’VE BEEN FUNKATATED.”

    7:05:15 a.m. –  The I-Man is talking to the ‘Rear Admiral’ again.  Bill White had been on Imus’ version of ‘Schindler’s List’, but now, the Peace Pipe has been smoked.   So to speak.

    BILL AT HIS PILATES CLASS ON THE U.S.S. INTREPID

    7:27:14 a.m. – Bernard plays a clip of Matt Lauer interviewing Mikaela Shiffrin last night…from a segment on Conan called ‘Creepy Matt Lauer’.  It was…REALLLY Creepy.  No really.  When we say ‘Creepy’, we’re talking R.Kelly peeing on a 14 year old creepy.  He’s already got the Chester the Molester Goatee going…but the leer after she said ‘Nice talking to you’… and the pause and then his ‘…you too.’  He might as well have said: “How YOU doin’?   If I told you you had a beautiful body…would you do me?  Oh.  Well, in that case, would you call the cops?”

    7:38:37 a.m. – The Mensa Meeting, which is notable because Gunz had NO idea about ANY of the topics.  He was like a Massive Head Wound Victim staring at a Ferris Wheel.  But…we have to admit the dais handled it with respect and kindness…spoke to him loudly and slowly, smiling all the while so as not to frighten him.  Jesus is this kid a moron.

    GUNZ HAS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE WITH A FEW THINGS…LIKE CIPHERIN’

    8:13:26 a.m. –  “Rahm Emmanuel does his best Bo Dietl, by communicating directly to Mother Nature”.  Connell, from the Blue Line, after playing a cut of the Chicago Mayor’s frustration and disgust with the snow and possible flooding.  Rahm has had it.  In fact, he’s also sent a letter to Santa to see if he can do anything about the weather.  And if he doesn’t hear back, he’s going straight to the Easter Bunny. Which is odd, because he’s Jewish.

    “HEY, FAT BOY.  YOU GOT RUDOLPH.  CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS F@$%ING SNOW?”

    8:26:14 a.m. – The Boss says that he can make a case for Curling.  Of course, he thinks it’s an arm exercise you do with weights.  If he knew it was the inane Olympic version of Shuffleboard using a stone tea kettle and a bunch of Scandinavians sweeping up the ice, he might think twice. 

    AS IF THE SPORT ITSELF WASN’T IDIOTIC ENOUGH, YOU HAVE TO WEAR YOUR PAJAMAS WHILE YOU PLAY IT

    8:39:24 a.m. – The I-Man promos upcoming guest ‘Monica Lewinsky’…um…Monica CROWLEY.  CROWLEY.  Right.  That’s it.  She’s not the one who serviced President Clinton.  She’s the one who serviced President Nixon.  Ew.  She REALLY knows the meaning behind the nickname ‘Tricky Dick’.

      “YOU SEE, MONICA, WHEN THE PRESIDENT DOES IT.  IT’S NOT ILLEGAL.  UM…A LITTLE MORE TO THE LEFT…AH.  THAT’S IT.  SOCK IT TO ME, BABY!”

    8:54:11 A.M. – The I-Man is incredulous that Monica thinks the President is actually EVIL.  Like a James Bond Villain.  And that there is a group of people out there who feel the same way that she does.  We assume he just doesn’t get out much.

    “YOU AMUSE ME…MR. BOND.”

    9:05:10 A.M. -   We discuss Monica and her brother in law, Alan Colmes.  Yes, the two are related by marriage.  Kind of like Carville and Matalin, except they’re not married to each other but are about five times as crazy.  Tony muses how that must be a fun Thanksgiving Table.

    “ALAN…YOU MORON…IT’S OBVIOUS THAT OBAMA KILLED THAT TURKEY.”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A VIRTUAL ‘TOSS-UP’, ‘JUMP BALL’, ‘YOU PICK’EM’

    THE TWO BIGGEST VIDS OF THE DAY, COURTESY OF ‘TMZ’ AND ‘TEAM COCO’

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OETH5brfTi4 

    http://teamcoco.com/video/creepy-matt-lauer

    Wednesday
    Feb192014

    Yippie Kai Yayyyyyy!

    6:05:10 a.m. –   Imus announces that ‘The Lion King’ is going to be part of the ‘Imus on Broadway’ event next Monday, and asks Rob if he’s seen it, and if it’s any good.  Rob responds in the affirmative to both questions, but then the I-Man wants to know how the actors become the animals.  Apparently, there are an elaborate system of masks and puppeteers.  The Boss wants to know if the cast performing at IOB is going to be similarly equipped.  Like yesterday’s United Airlines Altitude Drop, Imus needs to know the unknowable. It’s clearly Rob’s fault the cast of Lion King is going to screw the little kids with cancer by not wearing the Monkey Hats and Lion Masks.  Jesus, rent the video.

    JUST SO YOU KNOW, I-MAN…THESE ARE NOT REAL LIONS

    6:08:16 a.m. –    The I-Man watched a repeat of ‘The Daily Show’ yesterday, and is positively damp over Jon Stewart.  Jesus, Pops, do you want us to leave so you two can have some ‘Alone Time’?  Yes, Stewart is great.  VERY funny material, and does these different voices and characters…which is so unusual for a Stand Up Comic.

    FUNNY MATERIAL, DIALECTS, CHARACTERS…WHY DOESN’T THE I-MAN GET SOMEBODY TO DO THAT FOR HIS PROGRAM?

    6:18:36 a.m. –   Nat has placed the heater too close to the I-Man.  “It’s burning my jacket!” he complains.  Hmmmm.  That solves it.  We thought we smelled Beef Jerky.

    “NAT!!!!  I’M BURNING TO DEATH OVER HERE!”

    6:40:46 a.m. –.  Stuart Varney, ‘The Lying Limey’ is on.  Again.  To tell us that Obama sucks.  Again.  In an attempt to ‘Spice Up’ the interview, the I-Man delves into Stuart’s personal life, his former marriage, his current wife, and the ‘Timeline’ involved between the two.  Stuart invokes his ‘5th Amendment’ rights.  Despite the fact that he’s not a citizen.

    “MR. VARNEY…ARE YOU NOW, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN…A BRITISH SUBJECT?”

    7:05:15 a.m. – The I-Man gets an email from Neil Cavuto: “Apologize to Varney and then resign.”  Which is progress for Cavuto, as, in the past, the emails would have had the word ‘Die’ instead of ‘Resign’.   The Boss is intrigued by the letter, as he does not know what he did wrong.  “I wasn’t hard on Varney, was I?”  “No, boss.  You’re always busting his chops.”  “It was funny, wasn’t it?”  “Yes, boss, it was very funny.”  He’s doubting himself, which he says is a pansy move…getting your panties in a bunch just from a single criticism. A transgression for which, naturally, he blames Rob.  We’re not keeping count, but at this rate, we get the feeling that Rob is going to be responsible for the Kidnaping of the Lindbergh Baby, Hurricane Katrina, and both the Hindenburg and Titanic disasters.

    THIS ONE IS HIS FAULT TOO

    7:17:34 a.m. – Imus, with his finger on the pulse of world events, likens the violence in the Ukraine uprising to Detroit after a Red Wings Stanley Cup win.  A real David Brinkley the I-Man is.

    WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THE INSURGENCE BEGAN IN THE UKRAINE AFTER ROB ATE SOME BEEF STROGANOFF

    7:38:37 a.m. – Blonde on Blonde is on to discuss the pertinent issues of the day, we’re not really sure, because we’ve turned the sound off on the monitor in the Green Room.  One thing is clear.  The young one is REALLY REALLY angry at her mother.  It’s so intriguing to us, that we actually turn the sound up and discover they’re talking about the Clown Shortage and if they name their vibrators.  The daughter says she doesn’t need to use one, while the Mom declines to comment.  We have it on good authority however, that it’s a Black n’ Decker with a pull start, that she names ‘Jumbo’.

    “BETTER?  OR WORSE?  BETTER?  OR WORSE?  BETTER? OR….OHHHHHHKAY.  MUCH BETTER. GOT IT.”

    8:03:06 a.m. – The I-Man wishes Scott Shannon the best at his new gig at WOR.  He has heard through the Grapevine that the radio legend, who recently made an abrupt exit from WPLJ, is now going to be the Morning Man at the station where the I-Man almost ended up after last year’s negotiations.  It’s on.  Shannon vs. Todd.  Our money is on Scott, as Pettingill is a bed-wetting weenie who’s about as funny as punching a baby in the face.

    THE GREAT SCOTT SHANNON (L) WITH HIS FORMER FEMALE CO-HOST (R)

    8:12:24 a.m. – The I-Man plays a clip from last night’s Hannity Show, in which Dagen McDowell and Sean get into a discussion about hair.  As in: Whether it needs to be dyed or not.  Of course, Hannity brings up the I-Man…as if the I-Man hasn’t already been through enough when it comes to the subject of hair.  Apparently, Dagen feels that the I-Man dying his hair would be like Bruce Jenner wearing a bra.  Oh…wait a minute.

    RIGHT AFTER THIS PICTURE WAS  TAKEN, BRUCE BEGAN MENSTRUATING

    8:18:34 a.m. – Warner reports that an American skier, Ted Ligety, has won the Gold Medal in the ‘Giant Shalom’.   Um…Warner.  We know you mean ‘Slalom’.   Although Israel doesn’t have an Alpine Ski Team at the Olympics this year, we want to wish you “Hello” and “Peace” as well.

    “WE WERE SCHUSSING, AND SLIDING, AND SCHUSSING, AND SLIDING, AND SCHUSSING…AND THEN WE WERE DOWN THE MOUNTAIN ALREADY.”

    8:23:46 a.m. – The I-Man is tired of reading the ‘Susan From New Jersey’ letter for the Chamonix ‘Genucel’ spots.  So we wrote one ourselves.  “Dear Chamonix, my name is Vinnie from Queens.    They call me ‘Pony Express’.  Not because I got saddle bags under my eyes, but because I got a face like a horse.  “Why the long face?” they always ask me.  Anyway, I had an unfortunate ‘Cialis’ accident, and had one of those side effects where you’re left with a boner with a shadow you could tell time with.  I rubbed some of your Genucel cream on it…and it went away.  I thank you.  But my wife thanks you more.  She’s almost back to walking again.  Sincerely, Vinnie from Queens”

    VINNIE IS THE MOST POPULAR MATH TEACHER IN FRESH MEADOWS HIGH SCHOOL

    8:40:17 A.M. – The GREAT Kinky Friedman is on to discuss his bid for Texas Agriculture Commissioner.  The I-Man’s got a lot riding on this, because he’s ready to plant a few acres of hemp in anticipation of Kinky’s being elected and legalizing marijuana.  At least we think it’s Hemp.  Deirdre could have substituted organic Kale for all we know, we won’t until we put it in the bong with some Cholula and smoke it.  Imus fears that Texas Voters don’t know how brilliant the Kinkster is, what a humanitarian, and what a big heart he has for both humans AND animals.  Of course, the name ‘Kinky’ might have something to do with that.  Especially if you Google it the wrong way.  Talk about “NSFW”.  Whatever you do, don’t type in ‘Kinky Texas’, unless you want a bunch of photos of Cowboys with gag balls in their mouths. 

    “YIPPIE KAI…YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!”

    9:05:10 A.M. -   Imus asks Warner… “When someone says to you, ‘Do the Math’…do you actually.. ‘do the math’?”  Warner says yes.  “What if it’s Calculus?” the I-Man wants to know.  “Then I’m out.” Replies Warner.  “What if it’s Algebra?”  “Nope.  Not unless it’s addition or subtraction.”   So..Warner and Imus discussing figures of speech.  You do the math.

    IF YOU CAN SOLVE THIS EQUATION, YOU’LL FIND THE ANSWER TO WHY THE I-MAN IS ALWAYS IN SUCH A BAD MOOD

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    BE A CLOWN…BE A CLOWN…ALL THE WORLD, LOVES A CLOWN… 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c-LGLKvnjE

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5n886witpU

    Tuesday
    Feb182014

    New Studio Edition

    6:05:10 a.m. –   Today is the first day in the new studio.  It looks GREAT.  We’re on the ground floor.  Everything is going to be better in this new environment. It’s literally 30 feet from the curb of 47th Street, which cuts the I-Man’s walk to the studio by six hours.

     

    6:06:12 a.m. –  Connell reports the story about the United Flight that dropped.  Imus needs to know EXACTLY how far it dropped.  As if we had access to the altimeter.  All we know is, as long as it didn’t ‘touch dirt’ after the drop, it was a successful flight.  In the words of Hillary Clinton… “WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?”

    “UNITED 1676…THIS IS THE TOWER…WE REALIZE YOU’VE JUST DROPPED ALTITUDE, WE GOT A GUY HERE ON THE PHONE FROM TEXAS WHO WANTS TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY FEET AND INCHES YOU’VE ACTUALLY DROPPED.  OVER.”

    6:40:46 a.m. – Presidential Historian and I-Fave, Doug Brinkley is on to talk about…Presidents.  Instead, we get an account of his evening last night, in which he took his wife out to dinner near their home in Austin Texas.  At a Japanese place called ‘Oochi Sushi’.   Um…there’s two places where you should never buy sushi.   1- Texas.  2- A Gas Station. 

    THE ‘LONESTAR ROLL’ AT OOCHI SUSHI IN AUSTIN.  WE THINK WE’LL STICK WITH THE TERIYAKI CHICKEN

    7:05:15 a.m. – The I-Man was at Teterboro over the weekend, and had somebody call out to him.  He couldn’t see who it was, but waved, as he does often, just to acknowledge the person’s presence, but beyond that, did not acknowledge the person.  Who, just so happened to be…Roger Ailes.  The HEAD HONCHO of Fox and our T.V. Boss’, T.V. Boss.  He and Imus had a little chat, after which, Imus felt secure enough to alert Kevin Magee and Neil Cavuto that, they are now, his ‘Bitches’.   We’ll see how long that lasts, as the I-Man is deaf and Ailes, more than likely said, “Your show is

    ROGER AILES CALLS OUT TO THE I-MAN AT TETERBORO (ARTIST’S RENDERING)

    7:07:14 a.m. –  Lori Rothman has replaced Diane Macedo as the “Attractive Head in the Box” doing Business Updates.  It’ like turning in your Ferrari for a Lamborghini. 

     

    LORI ROTHMAN AND DIANE MACEDO, FRESH FROM THE FOX ‘BRUNETTE FARM’

    7:29:34 a.m. –  Bernie reports that Barbara Walters named her vibrator ‘Selfie’.  It could’ve been worse.  She could’ve called it ‘Gigantor’

    BARBARA WALTERS HAS ONE OF THE CREW TEST OUT ‘SELFIE’ BEFORE SHE GOES FOR HER DAILY ‘ALONE TIME’

    7:38:37 a.m. – Hollywood and Vine.  Lots of talk about Jimmy Fallon’s first night on the Tonight Show.  It’s two to one against Jimmy, Imogen being the only one who thought he was ‘Lovely’.  Then again, she’s British, and they’re not known for their ‘putdown’ prowess.  She often refers to Hitler as “That naughty house painter with the Charles Chaplin Moustache”.  The subject of ‘The Bridges of Madison County’ is brought up…Dagen says she’d rather pay to see Barbara Walters use her Vibrator than she would pay to see ‘Bridges of Madison County’ the musical on Broadway. Although when you get to thinking about it…a covered bridge and a vibrator…seems like symmetry to us.

    YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE FELLINI TO GET THIS SYMBOLISM

    8:03:06 a.m. – The I-Man asks a question about the Miami Football Scandal that bums him out.  He asks Warner for clarification on the question, which bums him out yet again.  This, of course, is the textbook definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting there to be a different outcome.  Not him.  Warner.  Because he continues to answer Imus’ idiotic questions.

    WARNER HAS YET TO LEARN HIS LESSON

    8:26:14 a.m. – The I-Man tells Nat that he will interview Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Berry Gordy in the Broadway Hit “Motown”, as he stands at the microphone waiting to sing.  Nat didn’t hear the Boss, and so says ‘What?’  This annoys Imus, who usually asks ‘What?’ about five times every time someone speaks to him.  The irony is lost on The I-Man, as he continues his Samuel L. Jackson Pulp Fiction tirade against Nat.

    “SAY ‘WHAT?’ AGAIN, MUTHAF#$A!  I DARE YOU!  SAY ‘WHAT?’ AGAIN!”

    9:05:10 A.M. -   Imus tells us all that he knows the 411 about what’s going on between Drake and Kanye West.   He says he’s ‘Hashtag Hip’.  You know, “#Hip”.    To be honest, he’s lucky he doesn’t #BreakaHip.  Tweet that, Gramps.  We’ll ‘favorite’ that one a billion times.

    I-MAN NOT GETTING A LOT OF LOVE FROM THE ‘TWITTERSPHERE’

    9:06:12 A.M. -   Imus relates the story of the United Plane turbulence to his own experience attempting to land at Teterboro yesterday.  He mentions that he had a woman pilot, and suggests that they’re better than the men pilots that he’s had.  Dagen, of course, says, ‘Unless they’re menstruating.’   Or as we like to call it ‘Landing Angry’.   We don’t think that was the case, however, we do wonder if there truly is a place for a woman in a ‘Cockpit’.

    AMELIA EARHART.  THERE IS SOME EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST THAT HER DISAPPEARANCE MAY HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PARTICULAR TIME OF THE MONTH SHE TOOK HER FINAL FLIGHT.  (SPECULATION THAT THERE WAS A MOUNTAIN THAT JUST…PISSED HER OFF)

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SAMUEL L. JACKSON HAS NO PATIENCE FOR THE HARD OF HEARING…

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPHuE5pDlEs 

    Friday
    Feb142014

    Special Valentine's Day Edition!

    6:05:10 a.m. –   The I-Man wants to KILL Cavuto.  We are talking, full on, Moe Green shot in the eye, Luca Brazi knife in the hand, piano wire garotte, Sonny at the Tollbooth, kind of revenge.  Apparently, Deirdre was on to confront this lawyer representing someone who is suing the Fast Food Chains for promoting obesity, much like Big Tobacco got hammered a number of years ago.  Well, the ugliness did not stop at the Cavuto show.  Ohhhhhhh no.  Who had to deal with the screeching drone for 5 hours after she got back to the Penthouse? We’ll give

    you one guess and it’s not Wyatt.

     

    NEIL SHOULD SHUT THE HELL UP

    6:06:12 a.m. –  As a result of listening to Curtis and Kuby yesterday, (Completely by mistake, btw) and unfortunately hearing them make a reference to them being back on the air after being ‘rudely interrupted’, (which is a passive aggressive dig to the I-Man who delivered the all-suffering ABC listeners from having to deal with that $#!& Show of a radio program when he bumped them off the dial) and his exasperated anger at Cavuto, The Boss is threatening to retire on Short Notice, so that ABC will have to put those two idiots on the radio, and Cavuto will need to add 3 more hours to Stuart Varney’s program.  We shudder to think of the ‘Butterfly Effect’ that would be caused by these two events that go against nature herself.

    WE KNOW THIS PICTURE PROBABLY BELONGS WITH THE ENTRY ABOVE, BUT WE COULDN’T RESIST.  BESIDES, WE BELIEVE THESE TWO KIDS WOULD DO AN INFINITELY BETTER PROGRAM THAN THESE TWO IDIOTS: 

    CURTIS AND KUBY.  BEGGING TO BE RUDELY INTERRUPTED

    6:40:46 a.m. –  White House Correspondent, Mike Emanuel, is on. At least we THINK it’s Mike Emanuel.  From the Headshot Photo Graphic Fox Business has put up, for a second, we think Eddie Munster’s now working in Journalism.

    “MR. PRESIDENT?  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VAMPIRE MARRIAGE?”

    7:05:15 a.m. –  Imus relates that he was somewhat disturbed by the weather conditions last night, and emailed Dr. Bill to ask if ‘Thunder Snow’ was possible.  Turns out it is, and there was quite a bit of it last night.  I-Man was relieved, as he thought he was having another acid-flashback.

    DURING HIS ‘FLASHBACK’, DEIRDRE SERVES THE BOSS SOME ORGANIC TOFU PUPS

    7:07:14 a.m. –  Today is our Fox Business Reporter, Diane Macedo’s, last day.  Those who listen on the radio have never had the opportunity to hear her very fine reports, as they were strictly on the Fox Business Network.  She moves on to Local WCBS TV here in New York, where she will be a weekend anchor and weekly reporter.  We applaud her for her unflappable courage, and WCBS for providing her with the opportunity, as she, obviously has had to overcome so many challenges with her physical appearance.

    DIANE MACEDO, TV TORNADO.  IT’S AMAZING HOW FAR SHE HAS COME, DESPITE HER HIDEOUS DISFIGUREMENT

    7:08:16 a.m. –  The I-Man comments on a piece in yesterday’s Daily News, in which the list of all the gorgeous women Derek Jeter has dated was published, (Incredibly, Diane Macedo was NOT on that list!) and Warner wants to know if ‘Ethel Merman’ is on the list.  It’s not that Warner did not do his research, he just honestly believes that Ethel Merman is ‘Hot’.

    THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

    7:17:34 a.m. – Dagen reports on the Chapter 11 Bankruptcy filing of the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ Franchise, including the sale of some suggestive domain names.  69 of them, as a matter of fact…with names like “Best Breast.com”, and “Submissive Wives.net.”  We assume the .com was already taken by Deirdre Imus.  Yah.

    DOES SHE LOOK ‘SUBMISSIVE’ TO YOU? 

    7:38:37 a.m. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS is somewhat contentious, as Warner refuses to pick four players to be on the Mount Rushmore of Basketball.  Which leads the I-Man to a tirade that includes a word uttered ‘repeatedly’ that either refers to Warner’s Cat, or questions his masculinity.

    WOW.  THAT’S ONE BIG PUSSY, WARNER

    8:03:06 a.m. – “Larry King Droppin’ In” features the 80 year old wackjob doing a dramatic reading of the lyrics to ‘Embraceable You’…including the ‘Come to Papa’ part, in which he goes all ‘Barry White’ on us.  It’s incredibly disturbing.  Larry King saying ‘Come to Papa’?  Woody Allen saying that wouldn’t be as creepy.

    HONESTLY.  WOULD YOU WANT THIS E.T. LOOKING LIZARD TALKING TO YOU IN A LOW VOICE?

    8:36:14 a.m. – Dr. Brian Babin will be the I-Man’s new dentist in Texas.  Why would the I-Man have a Texas dentist?  Because not only will Dr. Babin treat the I-Man’s teeth, he’ll wash the glass they’re kept in.  Dr. Babin is Leif Babin’s Dad, and he’s on to discuss his Congressional Bid.  Ordinarily we’d take shots at Dr. Babin, but his son is a F$%#ING Navy SEAL.  So there will be not references to Goober Texas Dentists…because his son is a F$%#ING Navy SEAL.    We won’t even say that Dr. Babin is sucking on the Nitrous Oxide tank if he thinks he can win this Congressional Seat because… his son is a F$%#ING Navy SEAL.  Also, because we think he’s a shoe – in.  (Is that okay, Leif?  Let us know we’ll change anything you want)

    F$%#ING Navy SEALS

    9:05:10 A.M. -   After speaking with Dr. Brian Babin, OUR pick for the Texas Congressional Seat, and the Best Dentist in the LoneStar State (Leif, we will change that to ‘In the World’, just say the word) The I-Man wants to get ahold of Kinky Friedman, who is running for Texas Agricultural Commissioner on a Pro-Legal Pot platform, to give him the bad news.  Dr. Brian Babin says that ain’t never gonna happen in Texas.  And he should know, because his son is a F$%#ING Navy SEAL.  Of course, the Boss can’t get ahold of The Kinkster.  Which is crucial, as Imus in in the middle of planting Hemp Seeds at his Ranch in Texas as we speak.  It doesn’t bode well for a Public Servant to not…go out in Public without a cell phone.  But, according to Dagen, back in the Green Room after the show, Kinky was in Tulsa Last Night, doing a gig.  Which means he probably didn’t get any sleep as he had some smokin’ woman banging on his hotel door all night…and eventually he’d have to get up to let her out.

    KINKY FRIEDMAN: “A WOMAN IS ONLY A WOMAN, BUT A GOOD CIGAR IS A SMOKE.”

    AND A F$%#ING Navy SEAL IS A F$%#ING Navy SEAL

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WARNER’S NBA MT. RUSHMORE:

      

    COUSY, PETIT, WEST AND MIKAN

    SOMEBODY SHOOT US.

    IN THE MEANTIME,

    HERE’S THE TOP 50 NBA PLAYS OF ALL TIME…

    ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL  TIME!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6KUW8cs4Cs