6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man observes that, in the World Cup, we’ve all been reduced to rooting for countries that hate us. Which would be…just about all of them. Except maybe for England.
FULECO, THE ARMADILLO. OFFICIAL WORLD CUP 2014 MASCOT. UM…SHOULDN’T HE ROLL HIMSELF UP INTO A BALL?
6:07:14 a.m. – Today Gunz is 27 years old, which, in Rock n’ Roll years…is the end of his life. Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison…Smells Like Teen Spirit to us. Of course, Gunz isn’t married to Courtney Love, so he might not be as inspired to eat the double barrel. Although, we can’t say the same for whoever winds up being Gunz’s future wife.
ROCK N’ ROLL HEAVEN. ALTHOUGH GUNZ MIGHT MAKE IT HELL.
6:11:14 a.m. – We get called out for dissing John Hiatt in yesterday’s blog. The I-Man is offended that we attacked his good friend. He wants to know why we were hating on the legendary singer/songwriter. First, let us say that Mr. Hiatt…is a lovely guy. We would love to sit in a car and listen to his new record ‘Old People’…provided the car was in the garage, the engine is running and the door is closed. Actually, the only reason we took the shot at John Hiatt was…because we don’t think he reads this blog. Of course, now he will, seeing as how the Boss has just brought it up on the air. Thanks, Imus. And you rock, John Hiatt. LOVE that ‘Old People’, as we actually became them after listening to it.
JOHN HIATT READS YESTERDAY’S BLOG.
6:28:07 a.m. – Kenny Wayne Shepherd is here. He’s going to sing the blues. His new album is called ‘Goin’ Home’. Which, coincidentally, is where Dagen would like to take him. The boy is ‘D.R.E.A.M.Y HHHHHHHot!’ “If the House is a Rockin’ Don’t Bother Knockin’” Ummmm hmmmm. Message received, Ms. McDowell.
KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD. HE LOVES THE BABY JESUS. AND HE LOVES TO ROCK. AND WE WON’T BE SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HIM. BECAUSE HE’S SITTING ABOUT 3 FEET AWAY FROM US.
6:37:07 a.m. – K.T. McFarland is on to discuss the volatile, growing crisis in Iraq. What did you think she was going to talk about? Kanye West at Bonnaroo?
"YO, K.T., I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, AND I’MA LET YOU FINISH…BUT RICHARD HAASS GOT THE BEST TAKE ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!”
7:09:28 a.m. – We wonder whether Gunz will lose his virginity this year. Sure, that’ll happen. And the Mets will win the Pennant. The Bunny Ranch has an order of protection against Gunz. He violated one of the girls’ pet rabbits. Left a twenty dollar bill inside the cage. Obviously, he didn’t grasp the concept of the ‘Bunny’ Ranch. Speaking of that, he’s not allowed at the Dog Track any more either.
IF YOU CAN’T GET LAID HERE…YOU CAN’T GET LAID ANYWHERE
7:39:34 a.m. – ‘Blonde on Blonde’. One of the contentious topics is the Time Magazine Cover Story that suggests that everybody can now eat BUTTER. Lis sees no problem with this theory, as she likes to chew a stick or two every once and awhile to take the edge off. Sometimes she actually does it in the dairy section of the A&P. It must be why the I-Man comments that she looks like she’s gained a little weight. It’s not like she could be pregnant, because the Rabbit didn’t die. Much to Gunz’s relief, by the way.
GEE, WHERE’S THE ‘GHEE’? (THE EXTRA 40 POUNDS ARE JUST FROM THE TV)
HEY, TIME MAGAZINE SAID IT WAS OKAY
8:06:32 a.m. – “Dagen? Have either you or Carley made any inroads with Kenny Wayne Shepherd?” says, Imus, obviously trying to cause some trouble with the ladies and their significant others. We are informed that Mr. Shepherd is ‘Married’, as he is ‘Wearing a Ring’. Carley’s wearing a ring as well. She’s engaged to be married. She’ll be setting a date for when she’ll finally set a date, sometime in the future…just not too near. Her fiancée, Pete, is a big burly dude, who wouldn’t cotton to some Country Hunk putting the moves on his betrothed. Unless, of course, he’s a Michigan fan. Probably not. Kenny’s from Shreveport, LA, so he probably roots for the LSU Tigers
WHAT KENNY WAYNE IS WEARING UNDERNEATH HIS JEANS. NOTE THAT THEY ARE PARTICULARLY LONG…HE NEEDS THE SUPPORT. THERE MAY BE A CATFIGHT BETWEEN DAGEN AND CARLEY BEFORE THE MORNING IS OVER
8:29:14 a.m. – The I-Man interviews Kenny Wayne, and finds that he’s been a self-taught guitarist since he was 7, when he actually got to meet Stevie Ray Vaughan, and watch a concert from backstage, an event that Kenny says ‘Changed his life.’ We’re just glad he didn’t go see Marilyn Manson back then.
KENNY WAYNE AT 7…HAD THINGS WORKED OUT DIFFERENTLY
8:31:14 a.m. – KWS and the Band play ‘King Bee’, the old Muddy Waters song. Jesus, do these guys smoke! And we don’t just mean when they disappear into the Tour Bus. They’re amazing musicians. The Drummer is Chris Layton, formerly of ‘Double Trouble’ with the aforementioned Stevie Ray Vaughan.
CHRIS LAYTON. AND HIS BEST GIRL, SHELBY. (THAT’S THE NAME OF THE CAR, NUMBNUTS)
8:42:14 a.m. – Kenny and the Boys play ‘Blue on Black’ which is, according to Mr. Shepherd, “Our biggest hit so far.” “Cold on ice, A dead man's touch, Whisper on a scream, Doesn't change a thing, Don't bring you back, Blue on Black.” It sure ain’t ‘If You’re Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands.’
THE ORIGINAL CLASSIC. BACK WHEN JONI MITCHELL WAS STILL WITH THE BAND
8:47:14 a.m. – They finish with a kickass cover of a Gary Moore classic, “I was lookin’ back to see if she was lookin’ back to see if I was lookin’ back at her.” Boogie Woogie for Breakfast. Not bad for a bunch of guys who’ve basically been up since Flag Day.
VIDEO OF THE DAY
SO YOU CAN KEEP THE PARTY GOING…