6:05:10 a.m. – The I-Man is actually irritated with the people who are venting their moral outrage over the new Beyonce’ Video for her song ‘Partition’. We did not want to weigh in on the subject until we did the research on it, and so we fired up the video on You Tube…and we, too, are outraged. The computer froze right when she was taking off her top.
WE DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ‘ART’, BUT WE KNOW WHAT WE LIKE.
AND THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…IS A WORK OF ART
6:06:12 a.m. – The I-Man promos Rob and Tony’s upcoming appearance at the Tarrytown Music Hall, and questions their honesty when they claim that there will be 80% new material that night. Tony actually has over ¾ of an act full of new jokes. Rob’s 80% will come from the fact that he hasn’t prepared ANYTHING. So it’s going to be as new to him as it will be to the audience.
EITHER WAY, IF YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE, THEY HAVE 100% NEW MATERIAL
6:30:01 a.m. – Kosta Kennedy is on to promote his new book about Pete Rose. It sounds like it’s a comprehensive treatise on the man who should be in the Hall of Fame. One thing we don’t believe is covered in the book: Why the hell a grown man would continue to wear his hair like that.
“WHY I OUGHTA…”
7:05:15 a.m. – Speaking of Moe Howard, Imus asks Lori Rothman “Who was that ‘Daddy Warbucks’ looking Stooge you had, on?” It’s some economist by the name of ‘Yawn’ or something like that. Jan Randolph…who doesn’t look so much as Daddy Warbucks as he does Goldfinger.
“YOU AMUSE ME…BUT NOW IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE. GOODBYE, MR. BOND…”
7:12:15 a.m. – Imus reveals that he heard that “While Elizabeth Vargas was in rehab, her husband was porking another woman. That’s not good, is it?” No, I-Man, it’s not ‘good’. In fact, it’s more like something you’d call ‘An Icky Deal.’ The 24 Hour Party Girl is away spending her days in group therapy, while her old man’s banging her Facebook friend.
CLICK “LIKE” SHE NEEDS A FRIEND RIGHT ABOUT NOW
7:35:34 a.m. – Vinnie from Queens. A spirited debate about sports that ends with disdain for Nat Candido’s devotion to the New York Mets, by way of a list containing all the men Lindsay Lohan has slept with. Which, we assume, from the sheer number of names, qualifies it as its own sport.
BANTAMWEIGHT, LINDSAY, “THE ANKLE BRACELET SKANK” LOHAN
8:05:10 a.m. – Baker, Mike Baker, is on to discuss ‘Where the plane went’. Unfortunately, he was on his way to retrieve the hostage-held passengers when he got the call from the I-Man summoning him for an appearance. Of course, Baker had to hustle back here to Fox to keep his cover as an International Businessman intact. Thanks a lot, Imus. “Where’s the plane? Where’s the plane?” Well, Tattoo, we could’ve caught the Mother F%$#er if you hadn’t called Baker and told him to report to set.
HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SHOOTING THE BAD GUYS…AND THEN THE PHONE RANG…
8:12:24 a.m. – “I wonder if Francesa is still waiting on that Porsche I promised him?” The I-Man recalls a bet made with the Sports Talk Host Legend in which the I-Man lost…but yet Mike has yet to collect…probably due to some ‘fine print technicality’ Imus uncovered absolving him of paying up. “He probably couldn’t fit in it now anyway” he justifies. But if he had promised him a Panel Truck…the outcome would’ve been the same.
“OKAY…OKAY…WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND…THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF PORSCHE I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE…”
8:19:38 a.m. – In the middle of reading a spot for the Chamonix Eye Cream deal, the I-Man mentions that if you order today, they’ll throw in a “Jug of that Esotique cream that Deirdre uses…girl is 49 and she got the skin of a 12 year old.” Um...she DOES have amazing skin, Boss, but perhaps you might want to go with a more ‘Legal’ Age. Especially as Larry Flynt is going to be a guest in a couple of minutes.
EVEN 12 YEAR OLD GIRLS DON’T HAVE SKIN THIS GOOD
8:40:14 a.m. – Larry Flynt is on to talk about the death penalty…and the execution of the guy who put him in the wheelchair…despite this fact, ol’ Larry’s not a supporter of the Death Penalty. He’s quite the forgiving individual…and rather upbeat for a man who can’t get a lap dance at one of his own clubs without rolling off the stage. We love Larry. Not because he helped us get through puberty…and young adulthood, and pretty much every year of our lives up until…maybe this morning…but because he’s a fan of ours. He actually tells the Boss that he thinks he’s too mean to us…clearly, not grasping the concept of a ‘bit’. Of course, Rob, disloyal, pussy, scum sucking, phony worm that he is…does NOTHING to dispel Mr. Flynt’s assessment. This invokes the Ire of a ‘fan’, who texts Imus. What the ‘fan’ doesn’t seem to understand is that Larry is a ‘Purveyor of Fantasy’. If he wants to think Imus is brutalizing us…maybe that’s one of the things that still gets him hot. And who are we to judge?
“YEAH…YEAH…THAT’S IT. CALL HIM A FAT BASTARD, I-MAN…TELL HIM HE’S NOT FUNNY…I’M ALMOST THERE…”
9:05:10 A.M. – Warner and Gunz don’t know who is playing in the ‘Big East’ Tournament at the Garden today. Let’s say that again…the two sports reporters for the biggest morning radio and television show in the country, have no idea who is playing a mere 17 floors below their stupid feet. They have to walk past the Garden’s MARQUEE to get into the building every morning, and yet they are STILL clueless. But if you need to know who won the 1922 NCAA tournament, (When there were only 3 basketball teams in the country…and ALL the players were white) then Warner’s your man. Gunz can only tell who was in the movie ‘Space Jam’.
THE SUM TOTAL OF WARNER AND GUNZ’S BASKETBALL ACUMEN
VIDEO OF THE DAY :
IN HONOR OF BOTH BEYONCE’ AND LARRY FLYNT:
HERE’S THE VIDEO THAT WAS BANNED IN 37 COUNTRIES…(WE JUST MADE THAT UP, BUT…YOU’LL SEE…IT’S WORTH IT)
(JAY Z NOW OFFICIALLY HAS ‘100’ PROBLEMS)