6:08 a.m. – ‘Megan McDowell’, Dagen’s somewhat…um…much larger, homely ‘sister’, is on to fill in during the Business Reports. The I-Man seems somewhat surprised by her appearance, despite the fact that he requested her appearance this morning on the air yesterday. Either that, or he’s confused by Rob’s being uncomfortably adept at ‘drag’ characters.
6:40 a.m. – Sid Rosenberg, former Imus in the Morning Sportscaster, is the first guest, however, he must be using his ‘Sports Illustrated Football Phone’. It’s very difficult to understand him, which, by the way, is not necessarily a bad thing. Sid’s reputation for saying exactly what is on what is laughingly referred to as his ‘mind’ has made his career trajectory resemble a graph of the performance of Facebook stock. The headshot from the archives that they run on Fox is a reminder why Sid is considered the original inspiration for the phrase, ‘He’s got a face for radio.’
SID ROSENBERG (FILE PHOTO)
6:45:17 a.m. – The I-Man brings up Sid’s unfortunate DUI arrest, something that, somehow, miraculously, he avoided while here in New York. Let’s just say Sid leads a ‘complicated life’, which is ironic, seeing as how he is such a ‘simple’ man. And by simple, we don’t mean an ‘Undemanding man of plain tastes and desires’, we mean…’Somewhere, there’s a village missing an idiot.’
7:o5 a.m. – Imus leads the hour with a complaint about the sales department's choice of the 'Imus Book of the Week', which they have listed as No, They Can't: Why Government Fails-But Individuals Succeed. Which is fine, except they have the author listed as 'Jim' Stossel. What it's 'John' Stossel. An honest mistake. The I-Man then throws the News to 'Jim' McShane.
‘JIM’ STOSSEL, (ON RIGHT) HE LOOKS REMARKABLY LIKE HIS BROTHER JOHN
7:35 a.m. – Blonde on Blonde begins, with ‘Jim’ and ‘Dee Dee Imus’. Actually, it’s Wyatt and Deirdre, a real ‘Mother and Child Reunion.’ It’s one of the most entertaining editions of this segment, as you can literally hear BOTH the I-Man’s and the Wy-Man’s eyes rolling into the back of their respective heads. Senior Imus is irritated with Wyatt’s inability to throw his mother under the bus, opting instead to drop the hammer on the old Cowboy bravely fighting cancer. It’s just as well The Boss doesn’t know Wyatt has been reading a biography of The Menendez Brothers.
7:48 a.m. – Blonde on Blonde ends, with Wyatt having little chance of getting a word in edgewise. He mentions now he knows how Lis Wiehl feels. Which surprises us, as we didn’t know he ever had the opportunity to feel her. Oh. Okay…he means how she feels emotionally after spending fourteen minutes being clubbed by Deirdre. A not quite 14 year old should never know the pain of a middle aged woman. But being ‘Rodney King-ed’, ‘Reginald Denny-ed’, and ‘Gerry Cooney-ed’ by one’s own mother…that’s just not right.
WE KNOW JUST HOW WYATT FEELS
7:55:14 a.m. – Imus says Wyatt and Deirdre were ‘Just okay’. Wyatt complains that it was a ‘chump segment’. He’s frustrated because it seemed so short, it felt like five minutes, and Imus insists it was almost fourteen. We get the impression the I-Man has used that rationale before, after a two minute “performance”…claiming it was much longer.
8:07 a.m. – Apparently, Carley has found somebody with a ‘Good Personality’ for Tamara Holder. If ‘Good Personality’ means the same thing for guys as it does for women…we think this may be a ‘Blind Date’, where Tamara wishes she was actually…blind.
TAMARA’S ‘LOVE CONNECTION’
8:09:11 a.m. – Imus says he ‘can’t breathe’. Stop us if you’ve heard…okay.
8:35 a.m. – The Great Dick Cavett is on talking about comedy and comedy writing, and mentions that he only had 3 hours of sleep, having just arrived on the Red Eye from Rapid City, South Dakota. He says that if he’s not funny, it’s probably because he’s jet-lagged. Rob and Tony look up the term ‘Jet-Lagged’ for future reference.
8:54 a.m. – Imus: “Cavett is everything you two unfunny bastards are not.” Tony: “Short, white and old…you’re absolutely right.” Well, not exactly. Rob is white. And not as old as Cavett, but certainly WAY older than Tony.
TODAY’S CLIP, FROM THE ROAST OF DON RICKLES
(LOOK FOR A CAMEO FROM I-FAVE DICK CAVETT)