6:05:03 A.M. – Rob is not here today. Imus thinks that he’s taping The Good Wife. That wrapped about an hour ago. The real reason he’s not here is that Monday starts International Bacon Day week. He wants to be first in line when they open the doors to Peter Lugers.
Hopefully He Can Find A Spot Holder
6:15:56 A.M. – Connell reports that Hillary Clinton is now backtracking, and doing a little mea culpa over her emails. She now admits that she shouldn’t have used a private server, and that she takes full responsibility, which makes the I-Man feel better as he was carrying the burden of thinking that it was his fault. The Boss states that “She’s over!!” as people begin to make excuses he again states, “I said, she’s over”. Well, So it is written. So it shall be done.
Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, Who Is Your Server That He Is Greater Than Mine?
6:18:47 A.M. – Imus asks again if any of us are watching the World Track and Field Championships in Beijing, China. It’s a chorus of no except for Warner, whose job it is to monitor these things. The Boss is excited about the 200 meter showdown between Usain Bolt and Justin Gatlin. Imus mentioned that both men ran their heats in just over 19 seconds, while Warner maintains that they ran it in just over 20 seconds. A quick check reveals that Imus was right. Warner says that it must’ve happened before he went to bed. What happened Warner? They were running a 19 second 200 and then saw you putting your jammies on, and grabbing your teddy bear so they slowed down?
Warner “Changed The Rule”. If He’s Not Watching We Don’t Have To Run Fast Mon. Everyting Irie.
6:38:17 A.M. – We’re very excited. We have a great guest this morning. The Simpsons Ned Flanders is on the program. He is probably the first animated character to appear on the show. We’ve been huge fans of Ned Fl….wait …what? That’s Stuart Taylor Jr?? Get the f*ck outta here! Holy smokes it is Taylor. He better get his liver checked.
Oh Yea, Like You Wouldn’t Make The Same Mistake
6:42:34 A.M. – During the interview The I-Man asks Ned…um…Taylor about his friend Donald Trump. Taylor says that he’s very anti-Trump. “He’s a blowhard, a buffoon, and a hothead. He’s shockingly ignorant about military issues. …He watches generals on TV?? His military policy is going to come from the tube.” So Taylor, it looks like you’re still on the fence and really haven’t made up your mind on Trump. It’s okay it’s still early in the process.
We Guess It All Depends On Which TV Military Advisors Trump Listens To.
We’d Go With The A-Team.
7:O5:32 A.M. – The I-Man asks us if we’ve ever seen horses swim. Well we’ve seen some really fat people at the pool, but calling them horses is not right as that hurts their feelings. It’s difficult enough to deal with all of the people running for cover every time they get on the diving board. Apparently, unbeknownst to us all they rehab actual horses in a pool when they’re injured. We guess that’s good news, as there is somewhere to go when fat folks on the diving board goes horribly wrong.
Hey Who Wants To Play Marco Polo?
7:22:02 A.M. – Bernie informs us that there is a Ronda Rousey porn parody called Ronda Arouse Me. Get it? See what they did? We wonder how we missed that. Maybe it’s not on the news sites we regularly visit. We can’t remember the last time we were on www.Broadcastermonkeyspank.com
We’re Sure It’s Really Well Written
7:27:32 A.M. – Warner reports that the red hot New York Mets continued their winning ways yesterday after Bartolo Colon pitched seven scoreless innings against the Phillies. Bernie, from way downtown, observed that Bartolo looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid. Boom!
Colon Is On The Left. We Think
7:41:32 A.M. – It’s time for Psychos or as we like to call it Alan Colmes Whack A Mole. This week’s segment begins with Colmes taking down Donald Trump for not forcefully taking down the White Supremacists that support his campaign. In what must surely be one of the signs of the Apocalypse Deirdre takes Alan Colmes side. So this is how the world ends. No point in renewing the Sports Illustrated subscription.
Thanks A Lot Alan.
7:42:45 A.M. – Deirdre is still fuming at Trump. This is the only reason she didn’t club Alan, like a baby seal, as is her custom. She has even gone as far as taking down the I-Man for what she considers a kiss ass interview of The Donald. Sounds like she’s calling the boss a pu**y. Not that we think you are sir. We…um… thought it was a fine interview.
Deirdre And A Few Of Her Friends Decide To Pay Trump A Visit (Artist’s Rendering)
7:44:25 A.M. – Curtis Sliwa brings the noise and a fair amount of the funk. Not all of the funk, but certainly enough for everybody to have some of the funk. He goes after ESPN for whacking our own Mike Lupica. He says that Lupica, who in his opinion is the heir to the great Dick Young, was canned because he had the stones to go after MSG head honcho James Dolan. Curtis, we agree with you, so this week we won’t say anything about your stupid hat.
Curtis Is About To Go All Keanu Reeves On James Dolan And ESPN
7:46:45 A.M. – Bernie is also ticked off at ESPN for being cowards. They have suspended Curt Schilling for his statement comparing Nazis to Radical Muslims. Bernie is disgusted by people who are upset with the Caitlyn Jenner Halloween costumes. He correctly points out that many controversial figures have been lampooned with Halloween costumes, i.e. O.J. Simpson, and Monica Lewinsky (which came with a jar of Hellman’s by the way). We agree. The only men that should be upset with a Jenner costume are those that are so poorly endowed that they don’t have to “tuck”.
Trick Or Treat? Sounds Like a Trick Question
8:15:43 A.M. – The Boss takes a shot at Gunz, and his “skinny jeans”. Gunz claims that the skinny jeans show off his big package. We assume that the package must be a large, white, FedEx box that would indeed contrast nicely with one’s blue jeans in a flattering manner. Surely this fool is not talking about his d*ck. As the I-Man correctly points out Gunzelman possesses a “gnat di*k”. Let’s just say that there’s a Caitlyn Jenner costume with Gunz’ name on it this Halloween.
In Fairness To Gunz She Takes A lot Of Pills. We’re Sure He’s Bigger Than Some Of Them
8:43:23 A.M. – I-Fave Bill O’Reilly is the guest this morning. He’s not on to promote anything, which we view as another sign of the Apocalypse. His next Killing book isn’t out until September. The two broadcasting giants discuss Donald Trump’s chances in the upcoming New Hampshire, and Iowa primaries. O’Reilly thinks that Trump will win both but he won’t win the nomination. Bill says that in the grand scheme of things Trump has already won. He’s shaken up the process and has “increased his fame exponentially”. Exponents? We hope O’Reilly doesn’t expect us to do the math. The Boss asks Bill why he wasn’t invited to his party. O’Reilly says that it wasn’t a party, but a fundraiser for wayward radio hosts to provide care and a place for them to live in their old age. He thought it would’ve been awkward to have Imus there. No kidding. He wanted to raise money. If people saw that it would be going to help keep the I-Man’s oxygen tanks filled they would’ve left. He’s kidding of course. Besides, Deirdre would never put Imus in a nursing home. She doesn’t have to, there are plenty of acres to hide a body at the Willows.
The Main House Is A Hundred Yards Away. If I Leave Now I’ll Be There By Spring
VIDEO OF THE DAY
We Haven’t Watch One Second Of The World Track And Field Championships In Beijing. We’re Sure You Haven’t Either. If You have A Minute It’s Worth Checking Out
Sorry Just F*&king With You