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    Thursday
    Oct232014

    Where Are the Pitt Bulls?

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man has received a promotion.  He is now Generalissimo J.D. Imus.  Of the New Liberation Front.   !Viva La Causa!   Free Huey!  Tony tells him that “The Rebels are 10 miles outside of the city.  We can have you on a plane to Miami in 20 minutes, if you’d like to leave now, sir.”

    WITH THAT HAIR…HE’S LIKELY TO BE COURT-MARSHALLED

    6:07:14 a.m. – Connell reads the news report out of Sayreville, where the cancelled Football Season has not stopped the Marching Band, who will continue playing without there being a game.  Isn’t that what you call practice?   The NFL got wind of the situation and seeing as how they have experience marching with nobody in the stands, has offered them a gig to do half time at Jets Games.

    “THIS IS ONE OF OUR MORE FAMOUS FORMATIONS…THE ‘PILE OF DIRT’.”

    6:07:59 a.m. – The I-Man was hoping for a Giants sweep, so that everyone who traveled to Kansas City to root for their long-suffering Royals.  However, they broke a 2/2 tie last night with 5 more runs.  And so now, he’s a staunch K.C. fan.  That is, until they go to San Francisco on Friday and lose to the Giants, that is, if history has told us anything…not about the Royals…but about the I-Man’s Team Loyalty. 

    6:07:14 a.m. –  The story on the White House Fence Jumper has left Dagen… ‘unsympathetic’, to say the least, to the Secret Service for allowing the nut job to break into the grounds and proceed to beat up the guard dogs.  Which, we are sure, was quite a surprise…to the dogs.   “Shoot him in the face!” she offers.  WE hope she doesn’t mean the dog.  “Nobody will ever do it again.”  Oh.  Well, okay then.  You’re right.  Nobody WOULD do it again.  Certainly not that guy. 

    WE’RE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO ARE SURPRISED…THE DOG WAS, AFTER ALL,  A BOXER

     6:38:08 a.m. – Just before Bret Baier, the I-Man says that he’s ordered stuff from Pro Rodeo Gear, and usually gets it ‘Overnight Air’.  This time, he ordered sweatshirts for he and Wyatt, and did ‘2nd Day Air’, because he didn’t necessarily need them in his typical alcoholic instant gratification way.  However:   “What they don’t tell you, is that it’s 2 days AFTER it’s shipped.”  Unacceptable.  To log a complaint on behalf of the I-Man, please call the people at Pro Rodeo Gear.

    1-877-242-4944

    Don’t be afraid to make multiple calls.  It’s toll-free.

    (Which, of course, they will have to pay for)

    6:46:16 a.m. – “I know we’re talking about a lot of serious stuff,”  Imus says to Bret Baier after discussing the break-in at the White House grounds and the Terror Attack in Ottawa, “…but you don’t seem all that happy to be talking to me.”    Boy, you can’t put anything past the I-Man.  The Boss mentions to Baier that, when you watch the news, it seems like “The wheels are coming off the world.”  Well…yeah.  You turn on the news, what do you expect?  “Our top story tonight…everything’s copacetic!  It’s all good.  How are things on your end?”

    THIS ‘HAPPY CASTER’ TAKES A NAP WAITING FOR SOME BAD NEWS TO REPORT

    7:10:26 a.m. –  The normally ‘Patient to a Fault’  I-Man plays Aretha Franklin’s cover of Chaka Khan’s and Whitney Houston’s ‘I’m Every Woman’, because she drops a little ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T.’ in the middle.  “C’mon…let’s get to the Respect Part.” He says to Aretha…and we fear he thinks she can hear him.  She’s obviously not ‘Every Woman’.  She’s not even a woman who can sing this song.  C.O.N.T.E.M.P.T.   Find out what it means to me.

    SHE’S NOT EVERY WOMAN.  BUT THERE’S AT LEAST 3 IN THERE

    7:32:10 a.m. –  THE MENSA MEETING  We wonder what’s the Over/Under on how long until the first EBOLA reference is made.  The smart money is ‘On the way into the studio.’

    DEIRDRE, GUNZ, ALAN COLMES AND BERNARD HEAD INTO THE STUDIO FOR ‘THE MENSA MEETING’

    7:41:24 a.m. – “WHERE ARE THE PIT BULLS?”  Deirdre wants to know, so incensed is she by the ineptitude of the Secret Service at the White House.  Pit Bulls?  Well, there’s one sitting across from her on the panel.   In the middle of her tirade, she interrupts Bernard, (“The only one on the panel who makes sense” in the I-Man’s view)  to say that “Dagen has NEVER looked better.  She is…HOT!”   Okay, now we are too.  A little ‘Blonde on Brunette’ action?  Or as we like to call it, ‘Betty and Veronica in a Pile.’

    ‘DOUBLE DIGEST’?  ALL WE SEE ARE DOUBLE D’S.

    7:43:17 a.m. – “Gunz should not be allowed to vote.  Gunz should not be allowed to have MONEY.”  The I-Man appears somewhat on the fence about Mr. Gunzelman.  “And you will never in your life have sex with any woman who looks as good as Dagen.”   Whew!  That’s one image we can remove from our ‘Spank Bubbles’.

    GUNZ SHOWS OFF HIS NEW HAIRCUT.  HE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN

    7:47:56 a.m. – “When did you EVER look YOUNG?  Except in your baby pictures!  When you were TEN you looked old!”  Deirdre, with a harsh assessment of her loving husband.

    THE I-TOT:  “EVERYBODY SAY…BAYYYYYYBEEEEEE!”

    8:06:32 a.m. –  Connell reports that Oscar Pistorius cried himself to sleep in prison.  Probably because they took away those Venetian Blinds he has for feet.  At least he was able to GO to sleep.  Most 1st time jailbirds cry…and are AFRAID to sleep.  Because their cellmate is ‘spooning’ them. 

    “HEY PISTORIUS.  WHICH ONE WOULD YOU RATHER BE?  THE HUSBAND?  OR THE WIFE?  THE HUSBAND?  OKAY, GOOD CHOICE.  NOW,  WHY DON’T YOU COME OVER HERE AND LET YOUR WIFE PUT HER PENIS IN YOU?”

    8:07:11 a.m. –  Connell reports on the two Dallas nurses who were infected with Ebola…which leads the I-Man to believe that they’re still in Dallas.  They’re not in Dallas, in fact,  one was in Atlanta, the other in Bethesda.  “Stop making mistakes” he tells Connell.  “Brett Baier doesn’t make mistakes, Connell.”  “Oh really?” Connell says.  “I guess we’ll have to DVR his newscast and monitor him for 21 days.”   Pretty feisty for Connell.  Charles would never make a mistake like that.  Of course, Charles couldn’t figure out how to program a DVR either!

    THE ONLY MISTAKE CHARLES MADE WAS…NOT GETTING OUT SOONER

    8:38:14 a.m. –   The legendary Record Producer and Music Impresario, Clive Davis is here to promote his latest project, Aretha Franklin’s new album ‘Aretha Franklin Sings the Great Diva Classics’.   It’s a hit, obviously, not just because the songs are great, or that Aretha is great…it’s because…it’s a Clive Davis project.  And with Clive Davis…failure is not an option.

    DESPITE HIS POSITION AS A MAN OF GREAT POWER, HE PROVES THE ADAGE THAT ‘THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE NICER THEY ARE.’  EXCEPT, OF COURSE FOR VAN MORRISON.  (WHO CLIVE DAVIS NEVER DID A RECORD WITH, BY THE WAY)

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    OUT OF THESE THREE GUARD DOGS…PICK THE ONE WHO COULD WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE

     

    “DON’T WORRY…I GOT YOUR BARK…I MEAN…BACK.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXR_CYKcyr4

    Wednesday
    Oct222014

    In Honor of George Carlin Way

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man and Nat have a warm and fuzzy moment:  Imus calls him a ‘Fat, Hairy Bitch’, and Mr. Candido refers to the Boss as ‘An Old, Smelly Skank’.  Why so much love in the studio?  It’s Wednesday.

    NAT CANDIDO:  DARWIN WAS RIGHT

    6:07:14 a.m. – Yesterday, Imus went to New York Hospital to get some blood drawn, somewhat ironic, considering he’s usually the one sucking the blood out of people.  Because that’s how the undead…stay undead.

    “JOSEPH ABBOUD MADE THIS OUTFIT…AND I’M THE ONE WHO SUCKS?”

    6:09:18 a.m. – After being at the hospital, and knowing he was basically in a Human Germ Car Wash, the Boss doesn’t want guests shaking his hands, hugging him, or trying to touch him.  As if that was the first thing they think of doing when they meet him.  After one of his mental patient coughing fits, there isn’t a swimming pool of Purell large enough to kill the bacteria.

    “IT’S ALMOST COMPLETELY SCRUBBED, MRS. IMUS! YOU CAN REFILL IT WITH WATER NOW.”

    6:38:13 a.m. –  Contributing Editor to Vanity Fair and author,  Vicky Ward, a lovely British Woman with a great voice, has written a book called ‘Liar’s Ball’.  It’s a gripping story…about a building.   New York Real Estate, and the Egotistical Power Brokers, you know, all that fun stuff.  The I-Man has a little difficulty getting Ms. Ward to tell him who owned the building, and who owns it now…instead, she launches into a synopsis of the book, knowing that he hasn’t read it, and there’s no way in hell he is going to.  What we want to know is… ‘Who owns the book?’  ‘I don’t know.’  Third Base.

    IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU EXPERIENCE BUILDING ENVY

    7:05:11 a.m. –  The I-Man couldn’t watch the World Series last night.  “I just don’t care who wins.”  That is, until San Francisco is on a three game winning streak.  Then ‘His Team’ will become the World Champions. 

    THIS MAN DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE WORLD SERIES EITHER, ALTHOUGH,  HE IS SOMEWHAT  INTERESTED IN ‘BATS’ AND ‘BALLS’…

    7:09:18 a.m. –  Chris Quintana, reporter for The New Mexican… (“Nice kid…but lazy, sloppy and a terrible reporter.”)  interviewed the I-Man for about 10 minutes and then askED, “Is this really Imus?”   We understand his doubt, as the Boss, up until then,  hadn’t called him fat and stupid.  Chris is not the greatest researcher…he says that in 2007 Imus was let go from MSNBC and WFAN…but now “Makes his program available on Podcast.”   Um…yah.  Way to go, ‘Scoop’.  We think Quintana’s responsible for the death of Ben Bradlee.  Who, by the way, is currently doing the horizontal mambo in his coffin at the state of journalism today, as illustrated by this pinhead from the New Mexican. 

    THE I-MAN BROADCASTING HIS ‘PODCAST’ CALLED  ‘77 WABC’

    7:15:30a.m. –  Connell reports that there are Teen Girls trying to join ISIS.  Those will be some pretty interesting Tweets.

    7:41:24 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE   The ladies argue about a number of topics, however, as usual, we tuned out during the din, but our ears did prick up when the topic of Breast Cancer  was introduced, and the I-Man asked Deirdre and Lis if they examine their own breasts.  Um…as in… Lis examines Deirdre’s, and Deirdre examines Lis’?   Or is that too much to hope for?   But could we get a couple of pictures anyway?  You know,  for those of us who are ‘Health Conscious’? 

    WE OFFER OUR SERVICES AS INSPECTORS

    7:46:02 a.m. – The Boss asks Deirdre, a Catholic, what she thinks about the Pope’s stance on Gay Marriage.  He mentions that Father Jonathan Morris isn’t a big fan of the practice, and asks the two of them know Father Jonathan.  Lis says “Yes. He’s part of our Threesome.’  

    THE I-MAN IS OBVIOUSLY MR. ROPER

    8:06:32 a.m. –  After reporting the sad news a few times earlier on, Ben Bradlee…is still dead.  The I-Man says that “He’s in a better place.”  Really?  A 6x3 wooden box under half a ton of dirt?    Too soon?  Perhaps.  93, and he went (snap) ‘Just like that!’

    BENNY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

    8:16:16 a.m. –  During Dagen’s business report, she does a story about a new type of underwear, that protects your junk from being exposed to cell-phone radiation.  And we thought ‘Butt Dialing’ was a problem.  As we have learned from Anthony Weiner…your penis and cell phones should never be near each other.

    OF COURSE, IF YOUR PHONE IS SHAPED LIKE A PENIS…THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Comedy Royalty is here…Patrick Carlin, brother of the late, great, LEGENDARY George Carlin, is here to promote the naming of a street in Morningside Heights in honor of his brother.  ‘George Carlin Way’ will be on 121st and Amsterdam Avenue…and we believe that all the graffiti on that block will feature the ‘7 Words You Can’t Say On Television.’  

    A GRAFFITI PORTRAIT OF COMEDY JESUS

    8:46:00 a.m. – Patrick says it’s “All about the music, man.”  And so he’s provided a number of 5 Favorite Song Lists:  A Stoner List, a Texas List, A New York City List, and a ‘Best of Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute’ list, which, we think, he came up with while he was ‘researching’ the stoner list.

    PATRICK CARLIN, ON THE IMUS PROGRAM,

     PATRICK CARLIN: THE ‘FARMER’

    AND WITH HIS BROTHER…

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN HONOR OF THE DEDICATION OF ‘GEORGE CARLIN WAY’

    A CLIP THAT SHOWS WHY THIS GENIUS IS STILL CELEBRATED

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo 

     

    Tuesday
    Oct212014

    Beards

    6:05:10 a.m. –   Hannity emails Imus.  A friend of his wants Imus to know that his mike was still live at 7:55 when he was talking to Carley about screwing Starbucks by getting the expensive thing on the menu for free with his accrued Rewards.  Damn!  Bigfoot spoils a brilliant plot by leaving the audio up during the break!  Idiot. 

    THE I-MAN’S REWARDS CARD

    6:17:38a.m. – There’s a bunch of creepy buildings in Manhattan, like the Dakota, where John Lennon was shot, and where they shot Rosemary’s Baby.  It’s bad enough that Lennon was shot there…but to shoot a baby?  That’s brutal.  There’s also the Administration Building for the Central Park Zoo, which Warner thinks is scary looking enough to be called  The  ‘Halloween Building’.  Trick or Treat?  Well, after 11 pm, out by ‘The Ramble’…it’s usually a ‘Trick’.

     

    SHE’S DRESSED UP AS A HOOKER FOR HALLOWEEN.

    “50 BUCKS?  FOR A TOOTSIE POP?”

    6:29:08 a.m. – Bernie plays a clip of Monica Lewinsky telling her story at a symposium about Internet Bullying.  Imus stops the clip cold in the middle.  “Why am I watching this?”  he demands to know.  We hate to admit it, but…he’s right.  It was 15 years ago, Monica. Get over it.  Even the stain on the dress is gone now.

    YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, BUBBA HAD GREAT AIM…IT WAS A ‘NICE GROUPING’

    6:29:08 a.m. –   The I-Man hammers Father Jonathan for ‘Hatin’ on the Gays’, because he, as the Catholic Church does, views marriage as one specific thing.  It might be that it’s for heterosexual couples only, but most men we know view marriage as a ‘Life Sentence’.

    “IT’S MY 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.  HAS THE GOVERNOR CALLED YET?"

    6:42:26 a.m. – The Boss asks Father Jonathan about his trip to Rome, and whether he wears his ‘costume’ on the plane.  We witnessed him change into it back in the Greenroom.  He came in wearing his ‘Clark Kent’ jeans and Columbia University Hoodie.  He looked like a Frat Boy on the way to a ‘Mixer’.  Quick change…and now he’s ‘Super Priest!’  Faster than a speeding sermon! Able to quote the ‘Hail Mary’ in a single breath! 

    FATHER JONATHAN.  IMUS IS HIS KRYPTONITE

    7:05:10 a.m. –  “Carley, I want you to go to Starbucks, and use my rewards to get a Mocha Latte and a Blueberry Muffin.”  “Wow.  What a manly order.”  Carley answers.  We hope Mike Arnold and Joe Beaver aren’t listening.  Good thing Starbucks doesn’t serve Quiche.  Finnochio.

    NO, REALLY, IT’S JUST THE FOAM FROM THE LATTE’.  WE SWEAR

    7:12:24 a.m. –  The I-Man is not diggin’ Aretha Franklin’s version of Adele’s ‘Rollin’ in the Deep.’  And neither do his fans, who prefer the other fat girl’s version over Lady Soul’s by a margin of 64% to 36%.  He also thinks Aretha’s rendition of ‘At Last’ should be HER last. 

    YOU WILL BE ‘ROLLIN’ IN THE DEEP’ INDEED.  BY THE WAY, HERE’S A FUN FACT: ADELE IS HIDDEN UNDER ARETHA’S LEFT ONE

    7:30:10 a.m. –  Going into the break, Lou plays one of Michael Riedel’s Five Favorite Songs:  ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ by Shirley Bassey.   Which means that his musical tastes are similar to his James Bond tastes, as he thinks Roger Moore is the best Bond.  Even though the ONLY JAMES BOND, Sean Connery, starred in the MOVIE ‘Diamonds Are Forever.’  But we agree with the I-Man.  That song sucks.  ‘Goldfinger’ is the Shirley Bassey song of choice for connoisseurs. 

    BAD BOND CHOICE #37: JIMMMIE ‘J.J.’ WALKER

    “MY NAME IS BOND…JIMMIE BOND!  NOW GIVE ME SOME…DYNO-MITE !”

    7:32:06 a.m. –  Riedel is sporting a beard today.  ‘Nuff said.

    NOT EXACTLY ‘MIAMI VICE’  MORE LIKE ‘AMISH S.V.U.’

    7:39:24 a.m. –  Spooky Buildings come up first in “Hollywood & Vine”, which leads Riedel to relate a story about a woman who used a Ouija Board and summoned some demons that messed with her while she slept. Like how?  They pulled her hair and stuck her finger in some warm water?  We want to know who on the staff used a Ouija Board and summoned the host of the program.

      666?  OH, THEY GOT HIS NUMBER

    8:06:32 a.m. –  S.C. Gwynne is coming up to hump his biography of Thomas ‘Stonewall’ Jackson.  Not to be confused with Andrew ‘Imus’ Jackson.

    NOT STONEWALL.  STONE DEAF.

    8:07:16 a.m. –  Pete Hamill received the Irish American Writers & Artists Eugene O’Neill Lifetime Achievement Award.  As the I-Man says:  “The boy can write!”  Mike Lupica presented Mr. Hamill with the award.  Mr. Lupica has NOT won the Eugene O’Neill Lifetime Achievement Award.  There are two good reasons for that: Mr. Lupica isn’t Irish, he’s Italian.  And the voting committee isn’t made up of young teen readers.

    “DOES LUPICA HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO GIVE IT TO ME?  I THINK HE’S A JINX. ELMORE LEONARD IS DEAD.”

    8:12:14 a.m. –  The I-Man gives us a bit of ‘I-History’, inspired by the stories in the Trade Magazines misrepresenting who was responsible for bringing him back to New York after being fired by WNBC in 1977.  Apparently, it was Bob Pittman.  Thanks Bob.  The story takes almost as long as the time The Boss was IN Cleveland.  For once, we were actually nostalgic for The Mama T story.

    IMUS ( L )  BOB PITTMAN ( R ) AND THE LATE KEVIN  METHENY ( C )

    PITTMAN, SADLY, IS STILL ALIVE.  SO IS THE I-MAN

    8:39:00 a.m. – S.C. Gwynne is on with some fascinating information about Confederate General Thomas ‘Stonewall’ Jackson, who was mistakenly shot by Confederate Pickets at the Battle of Chancellorsville.   They must have thought he was a Union soldier, and just had some dust on his uniform.  He had to have an arm amputated after the accident, which made it very hard to return a salute while riding a horse without falling.  Unfortunately, he died of complications from Pneumonia 8 days later.  ‘Accidental’ shooting.  Hmmmmm.  Interesting. 

     

    STONEWALL JACKSON DEAD AT 39.  MAN, THAT WAS SOME HARD LIVING.  THIS DAGUERREOTYPE WAS TAKEN WHEN HE WAS 16

    8:42:08 a.m. – Just so you know, ‘Stonewall’ is not about the violent demonstrations by members of the gay community against a police raid at the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village back in 1969.  Jackson was NOT Gay.  No self-respecting homosexual man would be caught DEAD in Grey…

    JACKSON.  HIS BEARD WAS…JUST A BEARD.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE BEST JAMES BOND THEME EVER. 

    THIS IS THE SHIRLEY BASSEY SONG RIEDEL SHOULD HAVE PICKED.

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy_PJODH3p0 

     

    Monday
    Oct202014

    Down With the Sickness

    6:05:10 a.m.- The I-Man says that he’s going to discontinue the very entity you are currently reading.   We certainly hope not, but if it is indeed true, we hope you enjoy …what could conceivably be, the very last Behind the Scenes Blog.  Seems like just yesterday when we started this journey.  Although it couldn’t have been yesterday, because that was Sunday, and we don’t write it on Weekends.  But tomorrow it will seem just like yesterday when we fondly remember today’s entry.

    B.T.S.  R.I.P.  (BEHIND THE SCENES – READ IN PEACE)

    6:07:14 a.m. – Imus and Wyatt picked the football games this weekend, and the Boss got one right, and Wyatt did somewhat better, causing the I-Man to pronounce that they should not be allowed to watch football at all.   Which should be Warner’s punishment, as he, pretty consistently, does worse than them.

    EVEN A BEAR KNOWS NOT TO PICK THE JETS

    6:14:36 a.m. – While the I-Man and the Wy-Man were watching the games over the weekend, the D-Woman would come into the room to read aloud from her iPad, an article about Ebola.  Her mania about this disease is beginning to concern the normally skeptical I-Man…as she’s been right about everything vis-à-vis Ebola so far.  And if she’s right now…we’re all gonna die.

    DEIRDRE.  EBOLA BETTER WATCH ITS’ ASS. 

    6:27:54 a.m. – The Bernie Briefing, where a clip is played from John Oliver’s ‘Last Week Tonight’.  It’s from the new ABC series ‘How to Get Away With Murder.’  And it’s the 9 Words that ended last week’s episode:  “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?”   If we had a nickel for every time we’ve been asked that question…

    JUST AFTER SHE RECEIVED THE TEXT…BUT JUST BEFORE SHE CROAKED

    6:40:08 a.m. –  Bo Dietl is here and begins talking about his old pal, ‘Al Tomatoes’ and how he doesn’t sell Fugazy vegetables.  When you think you’re buying ‘Orgasmic Tomatoes’  (Which are so organic they can actually make you swoon) unless you get them from Al, you’re paying 20 dollars more than you should, because they are fake-a-tacious.  Then he says that the Ebola we are experiencing is a mutate-a-tation from the strain that existed 15 years ago.  He gets almost as lathered up as Deirdre, except he doesn’t read aloud.  Probably because he can’t read.  Although he is loud.  “You know where you get Ebola from?” he screams.  “SCREWING ANIMALS!”  Which means that if it was around in the 70’s…the I-Man might’ve caught it.   Not that actually laid  animals…but he was known to spend time with some pigs.

    “IT WAS A NIGHT I’LL NEVER FORGET…AND HE CAST ME ASIDE LIKE AN OLD COWBOY BOOT… HE DOESN’T WRITE, HE DOESN’T CALL…”

    7:05:12 a.m. –  The Boss comments on a local promotion being held by WABC our home station.  It’s a ‘Hang With Geraldo’ event…wherein, you can ‘Grab a Drink and talk to Geraldo about the Mid-Term elections.’   Wow. If that sounds exciting to you…you might want to…get somebody with Ebola to pee on you.  Although it might be a couple laughs to go just to watch a bunch of drunks talk to Geraldo.  “Hey…hey!   I said…Hey!  Any more Nazis break your nose?  Take your shirt off, I wanna see your nipples again!”

    “LOOK!  IT’S ‘THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD!  NAH…IT’S JUST GERALDO

    7:07:14 a.m. – Imus notices that Lori Rothman is back at the Business Desk, and “Girl got her RED dress on!”   She’s uncharacteristically chipper, and when questioned as to the reason behind the unusual cheeriness, she says that she and her husband, ‘Frodo’, went to South Beach for the Weekend.  We would surmise that it’s because she got a little ‘Sumpin Sumpin’ in Miami…but it WAS South Beach after all.  Not that ‘Frodo’ is…well, ‘South Beach Friendly’.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    FRODO AND LORI ROTHMAN VACATIONING IN MIAMI.  A LITTLE OVERDRESSED, PERHAPS, BUT IT DIDN’T KEEP HIM FROM ‘GETTING ALL UP IN HER SHIRE.’

    7:36:10 a.m. –  IT MIGHT BE ELVIS -  Lou Rufino has chosen the songs this week.  First up is Eminem.  It goes in the Power Rotation.  Dagen votes thumbs up merely because “It’s not Van Morrison.”  The Replacements won’t be replacing anybody, even though they influenced bands like Green Day and Weezer, because it reminds Dagen of when she slept on a mattress on her boyfriend’s floor.  Which was…what?  A couple days ago?  Black Keys gets unanimous kudos… a song that, as Tony says, “You’ll like the third time you hear it.”  Okay.  We’ll wait on the next two plays.   Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness” doesn’t pass, even though the Band AND the song could easily be the Imus in the Morning theme, Nils Lofgren’s ‘Fat Girls Dance’ has an interesting hook, and the image of Big Butted girls shaking their moneymakers is appealing, but the Boss nixes it, despite the fact that Nils influenced bands like Green Day and Weezer.  Joan Osbourne rounds out Lou’s picks, and the I-Man “LOVE THIS RECORD!”  Interestingly enough, Joan was inspired by bands like Green Day and Weezer. We have learned one thing from Lou’s eclectic assemblage of tunes this morning.  He must’ve smoked a bowl of bitchin’ keef while he was picking them.

    IF ‘GOD WAS ONE OF US’ …HE’D BE DOING TIME

    8:11:22 a.m. – The Boss says he has decided talk to Deirdre the way he would speak to the Pope.  Although it’s hard to imagine him calling the Pontiff a ‘Crazy White Woman’  Except…Francis DOES wear a dress.

    “ ‘I’LL START WITH THIS ONE’?  THAT’S A GREAT STORY, MAMA T!  I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL THAT ONE TO MY HUSBAND!” 

    “HEY, LISTEN BLONDIE…DON’T CALL ME MAMA T.”

    8:16:16 a.m. –  I-Man continues his Catholic Riff, saying that “Cardinal Dolan needs to calm down.  He’s like a Game Show Host.”   For what game?  “Holy Family Feud”?  (‘Show me…Transmogrification!’)  “Wheel of Absolution”?  (‘C’mon, Penance!  C’mon, Penance!)   Or the “Vatican Squares”  (‘I’ll take Cardinal Pasquale to block!’)  Bernie chastises Imus for making fun of a man of God.  “He might be Pope some day.”  I-Man is incredulous.  “Snoop Dogg will be Pope before Cardinal Dolan!”  You’ll know he’s been elected when you see the White Smoke.

    “DO THIS SMELL LIKE FRANKINCENSE TO YOU?”

    “DOMINUS  VOBIZZLE…MUTHAF#@KAS!”

    (AND THAT’S ONE HELLUVA ROACH CLIP, PAPA DOGG)

    8:18:36 a.m. –   Former Navy S.E.A.L., and current lethal weapon, Leif Babin , the new Proud Papa, is in the Greenroom with his Proud Papa, Dr. Brian Babin.  The new bundle of joy is Leif’s first child and Dr. Brian’s 11th grandchild.   Not yet 3 months old, and the little tyke can already bench Imus’ weight.

    BRIAN BABIN THE 3RD.  (ARTIST’S RENDERING)  ‘TRACE’ AS HE IS KNOWN, PUMPS A LITTLE IRON.  HE CAN ALREADY WALK.  HE JUST CHOOSES NOT TO  

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    ‘DISTURBED’, THE BAND THAT’S ‘DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS’ PROVIDES THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE TELEVISED LINE OF THE CENTURY, AND THE MOST COMPELLING QUESTION OF OUR TIME

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOxoQxlUAv4

    Friday
    Oct172014

    The Ebola Madness

    6:05:10 a.m. –  “Every time I see Bernard on one of those other shows…Hannity, O’Reilly…he’s a GREAT guest.”  Probably because he always brings cake.  “He’s always introduced as the ‘Executive Producer’ of the Imus in the Morning Program, and he produces NOTHING.”   Not quite true.  He does have two kids.

    “ANOTHER SLICE, MR. O’REILLY?...”

    6:18:36 a.m. – Connell reports that one of the nurses who cared for the late Ebola patient in Dallas…is now on a Cruise with her husband.   How long until the passengers on that boat hear… ‘Woman overboard!’

    YOU BETTER HOPE SHE’S JUST SEASICK

    6:23:16 a.m. – The I-Man wonders why Bernard couldn’t get  Nina Pham, the first nurse to test positive for Ebola, as a guest, like Megyn Kelly was able to do. 

    “NINA, IN YOUR OPINION, DO YOU THINK THE PRESIDENT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU CONTRACTING THIS DISEASE?”

    6:38:08 a.m. – Mike Baker is on, and he isn’t worried about Ebola.  Probably because, like every other potential threat to his well being, he would garotte it. 

    “I’LL TEACH YOU TO INFECT THIS COUNTRY, MONKEY MEAT!”

    7:37:26 a.m. –   VINNIE FROM QUEENS  Warner corrects Nat on the real name of the Mets, Dagen says she HATES Baseball, and there is a ‘Special Guest’, Sportswriter, Newspaper Columnist and Young Adult Novelist, the great Mike Lupica joins the panel.   This time, Francesa is not the only one who falls asleep.

    MIKE LUPICA, (BOTTOM LEFT) SITS IN ON THE PANEL.  UFORTUNATELY, NAT NEGLECTED TO GIVE HIM A PHONE BOOK TO SIT ON

    8:06:32 a.m. –  The I-Man promotes Dr. Bill’s new Children’s Book   IT’S RAINING FISH AND SPIDERS.  Apparently, he’s having a book signing in New Jersey tomorrow.  That’s a great book for a kid.  No nightmares coming from listening to that story at bedtime.  Sadistic Bastard.

    IT’S A SEQUEL TO IT’S SNOWING ALLIGATORS AND BOOGEY MEN

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Dr. Michael Osterholm is on to discuss the Ebola Virus.  Meghan Hurlbut suggested him as a guest because she saw him on another show, and thought he knew more than the CDC.  Which isn’t saying much.  Pauly Shore knows more than the CDC.

    “DON’T LET ANYBODY…HARSH YOUR MELLOW BY PEEING ON YOU, DUDE.”

    9:05:44 a.m. –  Imus gets an email from ‘A friend’, who, basically, thinks that Dr. Osterholm is a moron who offered NO information.  We wonder who it could possibly be?   He asks Deirdre to phone in, but she informs him that she cannot, because she is ‘Too Busy’.   TOO BUSY?   The Boss is incredulous.  He rails about her for five minutes.  Which is uncharacteristically brave of him.  Until we find out that she will be at her Environmental Center all day, and so won’t be home when he gets back.

    DEIRDRE ALSO WROTE A CHILDREN’S BOOK.  IT’S ‘GREEN’.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Here’s another  ‘Expert’ who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

    (Although, we have to admit, it does make us feel a little better)

    Shep Smith on the Ebola Madness:

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2KBfynW09I