6:05:00 A.M. – We begin with a reflection upon Vice President Biden’s speech at the DNC last night. “How did his speech go?” the I-Man wants to know. What he wants to know even more is “Who gave the speech first?” We think we know: Milli Vanilli.
ROB AND FAB WERE BIG HITS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN FOR
THE 1992 DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION
6:08:16 A.M. – Warner promos an upcoming Sports story: “Ryan Fitzpatrick has called the Jets bluff. He got 12 THOUSAND for one year.” Um…Warner?
SO MUCH FOR THAT HARVARD EDUCATION.
HE OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T MAJOR IN FINANCE
6:16:40 A.M. – Imus complains that the protestors at the Convention are weak, and we have to admit that they lack cojones. The I-Man suggests that they should have done something bold and dramatic…like taken Geraldo Rivera hostage.
WE’RE NOT SURE THEY’RE GOING TO FIND HIM.
THEY HAVE HIM IN A VAULT SOMEWHERE
6:38:36 A.M. – Imus sings the praises of Julie Kanfer, one-time assistant and associate producer of the Imus in the Morning program, and then tells us of a somewhat curious Tweet she has on her Twitter feed…regarding Veep Joe Biden’s wife…
THE TWEET IN QUESTION. ALL RIGHT NOW, BABY!
7:05:10 A.M. – Imus talks to Warner about Jordan Spieth and how, ever since his meltdown at the 2016 Masters, he hasn’t won a tournament. The I-Man then quotes the great Joe Beaver, who says that individual sports are all about 80% mental. As opposed to most, the I-Man is about 99% mental.
THE LAST TIME THE BOSS PLAYED GOLF…IT DIDN’T GO THAT WELL EITHER.
HE KINDA WENT A LITTLE ‘MENTAL’
7:39:16 A.M. – PSYCHOS!! Alan, the first at bat, takes a swing at Trump’s latest favorite phrase: ‘Law & Order’. He claims that it’s ‘code’, and that black people know what that means. We know what it means too. It’s that show on NBC.
“IN THE AMERICAN POLITICAL SYSTEM, THE PEOPLE ARE REPRESENTED BY TWO SEPARATE, YET EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS: THE RIGHT WING NUTS AND THE LEFT WING LOSERS. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES”
Curtis cuts loose on the convention and the corruption promulgated by ‘Crooked’ Hillary and the New York Democratic Delegation. Curtis takes the opportunity to slam his favorite targets, ‘Andrew Evil Eyes Cuomo, King Cuomo the Second’, and ‘Your Mayor, Not Mine, Comrade Bill DeBlasio’. He doesn’t, however, have the same kind of moniker for Mrs. Clinton. We suggest ‘Hillary the Ashtray, Badonkadonk Pantsuit, Clinton’
A PLACE FOR HER AT THE TABLE
Deirdre is still angrily incredulous about the disgraceful lack of American Flags onstage at the DNC. She says it looks like the crowd is in some futuristic commie movie.
IT’S LIKE 1984 ALL OVER AGAIN
Bernard observes that Hillary is wearing a Chairman Mao Pantsuit
HE ACTUALLY MAY HAVE SOMETHING THERE
8:15:11 A.M. – The crew reacts to the news about Ronald Reagan’s Would-Be Assassin, John Hinckley, who will be released from a psychiatric hospital after more than 35 years and forced to live with his 90 year old mother. Part of the terms of his release include being barred from accessing social media, uploading any content, or erasing any browser history from his computer. Which means no surfing the ‘Net for Porn. Which, of course, also means no more Pounding the Hinckley Pinkie.
HEY! HINCKLEY! BOTH HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM…
8:31:57 A.M. – Imus wants to know how really fat people wipe their butts…Enjoy your breakfast. We ponder the question ourselves…and think that, perhaps, some kind of selfie-stick apparatus…
APPARENTLY, SOMEBODY ELSE WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING…AND GOT A PATENT FOR IT
8:41:07 A.M. – The guest is I-Fave Bernard Goldberg, who says that he does advise O’Reilly off the air, can’t believe that ‘Well fed and housed’ is the phrase that got Bill in so much trouble. Bernard goes on to say that he’s tired of discussions about race because you can’t have an honest discussion about race, and so, instead of the convention, he’s watching re-runs of ‘The Big Bang Theory’.
WE HAVEN’T WATCHED ‘THE BIG BANG THEORY’ SINCE THE RACISTS AT CBS DECIDED TO GET RID OF THE BLACK NERD CHARACTER, ‘POINDEXTER’
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