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Deirdre's Corner

 Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning!

Playing Offense Against GMO's: Your Right To Know

by Deirdre Imus - Back in April the popular Mexican restaurant chain Chipotle announced it would use only ingredients free of genetically modified organisms, or GMOs.  Last year, Whole Foods Market committed to “full transparency” on products containing GMOs, demanding that by 2018 all products sold in its U.S. and Canadian stores be labeled to indicate if they contain genetically engineered materials. These are noble proclamations with potentially huge implications and should not be taken lightly.  Read more...

Deirdre Imus on Your World with Neil Cavuto - Little Caesars now selling pizza with bacon-wrapped crust

 

An Angry Father's Guide To The Measles Vaccine 

Be informed. Please. I wish I had, 10 years ago, and my life and my family’s life would be much different today. I don’t want you to agree with me, I don’t need you to agree with me, and I don’t need you to change any of your plans, but I hope you’ll listen to what I have to say so you have more information to make the right choice for your son or daughter. Read more...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Thursday
    Jul022015

    Kind of Wacky!?!

    6:03:12 A.M. – We look forward to this morning’s program, as, in today’s edition of ‘Psychos’, Curtis Sliwa will be on the panel; an actual, certifiable, Psycho.  This is a guy who dove out a cab window after the guy inside shot him.  We don’t care what you say, that raises the bar of Psycho-Ness exponentially.

    CURTIS…GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF THE PROGRAM, DONNING AN ‘I-MAN’ STYLE COWBOY HAT…OVER HIS SIGNATURE BERET

    6:08:56 A.M. – To everyone’s surprise and dismay, the I-Man was granted permission to quarantine Lucinda at home, rather than at the Vets, thereby depriving us of the ‘Waco Style Siege’ we were sure was inevitable.   Imus vs. The State of Texas.  Who did you THINK was going to win that one?

    REMEMBER THE ALAMO?  REMEMBER THE WILLOWS.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Connell is back after his sojourn to Montreal to take his family to the Women’s World Cup of Soccer, as he is, no doubt, the Father of the Year.  However, he took the time off to grow, what he’s calling, a ‘beard’.  It looks more like he was rooting for truffles and hadn’t washed his face just yet.   He gives off the air of a pubescent lad who uses his mother’s eyebrow pencil to highlight the few, wispy, angel hair whiskers that appeared the moment his voice began to drop. 

    CONNELL MCSHANE: MANLY MAN

    6:40:27 A.M. Father Jonathan Morris is on, and informs the I-Man that he’s clad in a pair of jeans and T-Shirt.  The Boss wants to know if the Padre acts any differently when he’s not in ‘uniform’.  Father Jon responds of course not.  The Good Father is on to discuss an incident that happened to him at the Gay Pride Parade the other day when he was spat upon by a pair of revelers.  He wants everyone to know he was not IN the parade, nor was he WATCHING the parade, he was just trying to cross Broadway on the way to another destination…and happened to run into the parade.  Between this information and the fact that he felt it necessary to tell the I-Man what he is wearing, makes us…just a little uncomfortable.

    CARRYING AN UMBRELLA IN CASE ANYBODY ELSE TRIES TO SPIT ON HIM

    7:05:10 A.M. –  Gunz reveals that he doesn’t like Curtis Sliwa.  We don’t know why, because, as far as we’re concerned, a guy who will dive out of the cab after a guy inside it shot him, is a damn fine American in our eyes. 

    CARRYING AROUND A TARGET AFTER YOU’VE BEEN SHOT FIVE TIMES?  THAT’S THE NEW DEFINITION OF ‘BALLS’

    7:15:37 A.M.  Connell reports that there has been a recall of French Made Breast Enhancements.  We’re not sure what they’re leaking…but we assume it’s wine.

    CE SONT LA’ QUELQUES SEINS CRU   

    7:38:06 A.M. PSYCHOS II  with the debut of Curtis Sliwa, who, if we didn’t know any better, would assume was Bo Dietl.  He has the same demeanor, political position and vocabulary as America’s P.I.  Just like Bo’s eBOnics, Curtis speaks in Sliwa-ese…which is a combination of English, Brooklyn, and ‘Waddayoulookinat’?

    THE CURTIS SLIWA KITCHENWARE SET

    7:39:18 A.M. – Gunz is up first, complaining about the tourists rushing for trains on their way to their Holiday Weekends.  With everything going on the world, Global Warming, ISIS Crisis, hunger, pestilence, poverty…he picks crowded subways as his bone of contention this week.  Deirdre attacks him, calling him one of the ‘Overprivileged’ Millenials, who don’t have a perspective.   We wait for her to tell him to “Get (his) own private jet”, as she once advised Lis Wiehl to do.  But, sadly, she doesn’t.  We are actually thankful for that fact.  The idea of Gunz on a Private Jet is about as disturbing an image as it gets.

    OH, HELL NO.

    7:40:08 A.M. – The Guardian Angel is exorcised about the notion of ‘Futbol’…(Soccer to the ‘Real World’).  He maintains…it’s KICKball.  NOT Smashmouth Balls to the Wall, Deep Penetration, American FOOTBALL.  He’s acting like a man who has actually played some football himself…without a f%$king helmet.

    OH, HE WEARS A HELMET NOW

    7:41:08 A.M. – Bernard is incensed by the sluggishness of Congress to pass key elements of the 2010 Zadroga 911 Bill, which is due to expire, and some of these elected pantloads still want to debate the viability of the extension, despite the fact that more First Responders have died from the after-effects of 911 than people who perished in the attacks on the World Trade Center.  We hereby nominate Bernard to run for Congress…Senate, even.  Or how about…President.  Why not?  He’s got as much of a chance as Trump.  And makes a helluva lot more sense.

    BM IN 2016

    7:42:04 A.M. –  Alan Colmes is upset that some members of the GOP are ignoring the Supreme Court ruling on Gay Marriage.  We’re not sure why it bothers him so much, he just so happens to be a married man…to a lovely woman, who just so happens to be Monica Crowley’s sister.  So it’s not like he has any ‘Skin’ in the game. So to speak.

    MAYBE ALAN HAS A VESTED INTEREST AFTER ALL

    7:44:26 A.M. –  Deirdre is…well…just plain Psycho…not to put too fine a point on it, but the girl gone Bat Dookie Crazy.  She’s strafing the room…like Tony Montana in Scarface…taking out Gunz, Colmes and anybody who gets in her way.  Except, of course Bernard and Curtis.  Because they know enough to keep their heads down get the hell out of her crosshairs.

    OF COURSE, SHE USES ORGANIC HOLLOW POINT BULLETS

    8:05:34 A.M. –  We learn that the I-Man went all ‘High Tech’ yesterday, and was able to listen to the 9:00 hour of the program, through his ‘I Heart Radio’ app on his computer AND his phone.  Which was bad news for Warner, who did a couple of his patented ‘Name That Tune’ cuts during his sports report…something that usually incites the I-Man Ire.  However, this time, he says he actually laughed at them.   He warns Warner to not overdo this practice…which means that, he most certainly will.  He’ll be like Funkmaster Flex, on America’s Top Forty…except he’ll be playing The Ink Spots.

    DJ ‘GRANDMASTER WOLF’

    8:16:32 A.M. – Connell reports a “Kind of Wacky”  story, in which a former CNN correspondent and her husband were robbed at gunpoint at a Motel 6, and the husband, naked, fresh out of the shower, returned fire and killed the perpetrator.  “Kind of wacky?”  The I-Man asks incredulously, shocked by our Newsman’s choice of words, intimating that Connell isn’t exactly ‘Walter Cronkite’ in his reporting. We agree with the ‘Wacky’ designation, however.  We’re wondering how, naked, and fresh from the shower…where the husband had put the gun.   Also…was he ‘erect’ during the firefight?  Just asking.  Inquiring Minds want to know.

    YEAH, WE’D SAY THAT’S PRETTY ‘WACKY’

    8:21:42A.M. – The I-Man suggests that the British Soccer player who, in trying to clear the ball, kicked it into her own goal, handing Japan the win, was… ‘In the tank’.  He seems to think that she will be driving around in a Mitsubishi, flashing some serious Yen.   We think it’s somewhat of a cynical stance… until we hear a rumor that she’s dating a Sumo Wrestler.

    LAURA BASSETT, BATHED WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT BY TEAMMATES AFTER SCORING A GOAL FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM.  BUT YOU KNOW AS SOON AS THEY HIT THE LOCKER ROOM, THEY BEAT HER ABOUT THE HEAD WITH THEIR CLEATS

    8:45:09 A.M. – Geraldo Rivera is on to discuss his friend Donald Trump, taking exception to those pesky  ‘Mexican Rapist’ statements that are still dogging the Billionaire Candidate.  Geraldo maintains that Trump has tarnished his Brand, and likens him to the guy at the bar who has had one too many and then asks ‘What are you lookin’ at?’   Well, in Trump’s case…that would be pretty obvious.  ‘What the hell is that on your head, Motherf$%er?’

     THE COUPLE IN HAPPIER TIMES.  GERALDO IS OKAY IN DONALD’S BOOK…BECAUSE HE’S PUERTO RICAN, NOT MEXICAN.  AND PART JEWISH…SO…Y’KNOW, HE’S GOT THAT GOING FOR HIM.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Somehow, it does not seem possible, and yet, tomorrow, the ‘Wy-Man’, Wyatt Imus, turns 17 years of age.  We literally remember when he was born…and have watched him grow from a precocious, hysterically funny young child, into a handsome, hysterically funny, young man.   In honor of his Natal Anniversary, we present the following clip of one of his idols, (Next to George Carlin and his Dad),

    The Greatest of All Time.

     Muhammad Ali

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs8Ls6Dx1F0

    Wednesday
    Jul012015

    Blonde on Red

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We learn that today, Lis Wiehl will not be in for our favorite segment of the week, Blonde on Blonde, or, as we like call it, “Where the White Women at?”   Lis, apparently, fell, and broke her hip, as ‘Women of A Certain Age’ are wont to do.  We wish her all the best for a speedy recovery, and hope that she’s back among the fold before too long.  

    LIS WIEHL: SPOKESWOMAN FOR THE ‘LIFE ALERT’ SYSTEM

    6:04:08 A.M. –  We are actually worried about Deirdre.  Without Lis as the Crash Test Dummy, she will have to rant without a target…wait a minute.  She’s not alone in the studio out there in Texas.  We are now worried for the I-Man.

    DEIRDRE GETTING HER POINT ACROSS

    6:08:56 A.M. – The I-Man gives us an update on Lucinda, Wyatt’s beloved Red Heeler, who cheated death, thanks to the Wy-Man and Deirdre.  We are happy to report that the girl’s going to be fine…although, Lucinda, in her agony and distress, involuntarily bit one of the Vet Techs, which led to the State of Texas to Quarantine her for 10 days.  The Boss, with advice from Neighbor/Attorney John Beckworth, Associate Dean of the Law School at the University of Texas, has decided to Quarantine Lucinda at home, refusing to bring her back to the Vets, as, like many dogs, she is a ‘Veterinarian-A-Phobe’.  He invited the doctors to visit the Ranch to check on the dog, but if they think they’re going to take her back to quarantine her at their facility, they’re going to have a Branch Davidian situation on their hands.  The I-Man is filling up the sand bags and building a moat around the ranch as we speak.   Even Lucinda, herself, is preparing for a siege:

    “YOU WANT MY GUN?  YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD PAWS” 

    6:40:27 A.M. K.T. McFarland is the guest, former National Security Adviser, and a woman for whom the I-Man always stands whenever she enters a room.  And not, as is tradition, to run away.  She says she misses the I-Man as he is one of the only ‘True Gentlemen’ she knows.  Obviously, she needs to get out more.

    “GENTLEMAN” JOHN DONALD IMUS

    7:05:37 A.M.  Despite the absence of the Wiehl, Lis, that is, Blonde on Blonde will go on as normal, however, Deirdre will be ‘Laying the Smackdown’ on the fruit of her loins, Wyatt Imus, so it will technically be ‘Blonde on Red’.  Or, as we are calling it, ‘The Texas Cage Match’. 

    DON’T LET THE NECK BRACE FOOL YOU.  ANDY KAUFMAN TRIED TO GET AWAY WITH THAT SH*T TOO

    7:15:34 A.M. –  The I-Man makes the observation that, the two people he’s related to, and currently living with…are insane.  Oh.  Yeah.  Right.  THEY’RE the ones who are insane.  We think mental health is in the eye of the beholder. And majority rules. It’s two against one.  Both Deirdre and the Wy-Man know the dilly.  It’s the old cowboy who’s batsh*t crazy. 

    IRONICALLY, HE HAS 20 OF THESE JACKETS, ALL THE SAME, CUSTOM MADE BY LOUIS RICART

    7:30:06 A.M. BLONDE ON RED covers a plethora of topics, among which, who should be on the 10 Dollar Bill. Deirdre is advocating for Michelle Obama; Wyatt, on the other hand, favors Eleanor Roosevelt. Of course, as you would imagine, bringing up Eleanor leads naturally to Kim Kardashian, and if she deserved the ‘Slut Shaming’ she received at the Glastonbury Festival, where, during her husband Kanye’s set, an enormous flag with a still from her sex tape was waved.  Young Wyatt believes that Kim should be prepared for these eventualities, as this video is out there, and has been for years, and won’t be going away.  Although he maintains that he hasn’t seen it.  Which would make him the ONE person in the ‘Under 85’ category who hasn’t.  

    “YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT VIDEO?”

    “UM.NOPE.”

    7:45:16 A.M. – In order to protest what they view as sexist views as to what defines femininity, some women have opted not to shave their armpits.  I-Man asks both panelists what their views are and they both agree that Personal Landscaping is a must, and that it is akin to brushing your teeth, and that venturing out in public with a French Braid under each arm is…well, disgusting.

    THE MOVEMENT, SPEARHEADED BY MILEY CYRUS, IS ALSO IN FAVOR OF NOT WAXING FACIAL HAIR

    8:07:34 A.M. – The I-Man comes back with some critiques for his son, who, we thought, did a fine job, but then again, if we knew what we were talking about, we’d…not be…as stupid as we are.   Um…yes.  The Boss thought Wyatt wasn’t projecting into the microphone enough.  We heard him perfectly clear.  Especially when he said, “I don’t have to listen to you…you’re not my real Dad.”

    ANOTHER SON DEALING WITH SOME PATERNAL ISSUES

    8:15:11 A.M. – Bernie reports that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are calling it quits.  What appeared to be the ‘Storybook Marriage’ of the past 10 years was actually rife with tension and resentment.  Apparently, Ben is a bit of a gambler, and a rogue, as its rumored he’s had dalliances with other women.  We don’t blame Jennifer for wanting to split from this loser.  In fact, we thought she should’ve done it years ago…like after he made ‘Gigli’.

    ONE OF THE OPTIONS ON THE ‘GIGLI’ DVD ALLOWS YOU TO PUT YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR MISERY BEFORE YOU EVEN START THE MOVIE

    8:39:43 A.M. – Ashley Webster is calling us, live, from Greece.  Although it would be difficult for him to call in ‘Dead’, but we digress.  Ashley is there to discuss the Greek Financial Crisis…which, according to his expert opinion, is what they refer to in the Economic World as…bad.  Apparently, Greece will be going back to the ‘Drachma’, the original currency, and eschewing the Euro…Ashley has gotten into the spirit of the Ancient City of Athens, and is eschewing pants…in favor of a toga.

    IN A REAL DEMOCRACY, WE COULD VOTE AGAINST THIS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IT’S ONLY FUNNY UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU

    BUT IF IT DOESN’T…IT’S HYSTERICAL

     

    Paris Hilton is the victim of an Egyptian Prank Show

    (Oh, those wacky Arabs!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePaBi0egvM0

    It’s almost as funny as her sex tape.

    Tuesday
    Jun302015

    That Fat, Ungrateful, Phony Moose!

    6:03:12 A.M. –  We begin with a moment of reflection on the firing of two of our favorite people, Donald Trump and Bob Beckel. Trump, by NBC for his disparaging remarks about Mexicans.  Beckel for, we assume, eating Mexicans.

    BECKEL ENJOYING SOME AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD

    6:08:56 A.M. – Warner reports on Pro Golfer Phil Mickelson’s reputation as a degenerate gambler.  The I-Man can’t imagine that Mrs. Mickelson is all that happy knowing that her unlucky hubby had to pay 3 Million dollars to a bookie…not to mention the fact that “He’s fat and he got those big ol’ Titties on him.”  

    MUST BE CHILLY OUT THERE ON THE COURSE

    6:35:44 A.M. –  Former head of the Sex Crimes Unit in the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, is on to promote her new book, Devil’s Bridge, as well as comment on the escaped prisoners.  She maintains that she was glad that these two psychopaths didn’t kill anybody, and that they weren’t able to get to Mexico.  Which would give the Mexican Donald Trump something to say in response.

    “THE AMERICANS ARE A BUNCH OF CONVICTS AND MURDERERS.”

    6:40:27 A.M. It’s fitting that a Sex Crimes Prosecutor is on to discuss these convicts who, both of whom knocked boots with Joyce Mitchell…an act which many would consider ‘criminal’ in, and of, itself.

    SOME THINGS SHOULD BE KEPT BEHIND BARS

    7:05:37 A.M.  The I-Man gives his ‘endorsement’ of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s entering the Presidential Race.  “Fat, ungrateful, phony moose…F#@& ‘em!”    Where else will you get that insightful political analysis?

    “SO…DOES THAT MEAN, I CAN’T BE ON THE SHOW AGAIN?”

    7:22:44 A.M. – Time to ring the ‘Irony Bell’.  The Boss chastises Deirdre for coughing.  You can hear the ‘Side Eye’…as well as the cyanide going into his coffee, from here. 

    AT LEAST IT SAYS IT RIGHT ON THE MUG

    7:37:06 A.M. PSYCHOS, starring Deirdre Imus, Gunz Gunzelman, Bernard McGuirk and…wait, where’s Bo?   Bo Dietl, Bo Dietl, where you be?  Gunz is upset with a plan to double the number of ‘Citibikes’ the rental bicycles sponsored by Citibank, that have been the bane of city drivers since their institution.   He says there’s nothing worse than Fat Tourists sitting on a bike.  Yes there is, Gunz.  How about a skinny jeans wearing dweeb using his curling iron in the studio?  Who is only upset with Citibikes because they don’t have training wheels.

    GUNZ ON HIS ‘GIRL’S BIKE’ WITH E.T. ‘THE EXTRA TESTICLE’

    7:38:55 A.M. – Bo comes rushing in, out of breath, having run through the 17th floor to get to the studio.  Bo doesn’t apologize for his ‘Tardiness-itation’, which results in some understandable ugliness…and ultimately leads to his exiting the studio.  This prompts Deirdre to change her ‘Psychos’ topic to “People who go on someone’s show, arrive late, cop an attitude…then drop the mike…and leave.”   She is EXORCISED.   And not the way the I-Man tried to get Father Jonathan to do.  She’s apoplectic with anger, which makes us actually worried for the I-Man.  However, he doesn’t seem to be all that affected by her rant…as, for a change, it’s not about him.

    DID THAT HEAD JUST SPIN AROUND?  WE JUST HOPE SHE DOESN’T THROW UP ORGANIC PEA SOUP

    7:43:16 A.M. – Bernard is upset with the backlash at the clergy in the wake of the Supreme Court decision about Same Sex Marriage.  He relates that our own Father Jonathan, the spiritual adviser to the Imus in the Morning Program, and who was not in favor of gay marriage for religious reasons was actually been spit on by two protestors at the Pride Parade.  Why father Jonathan was AT the Pride Parade, we’re not sure.  We think, perhaps to hear some confessions?  

    IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY, HAD HE BEEN UP ON ONE OF THE FLOATS…

    8:12:34 A.M. –  Bernie reports that Geraldo Rivera is disappointed in his ‘friend’, Donald Trump’s insensitive comments about Mexicans.  That’s the second time Hispanics have been disrespected by Trump.  The first time was when Trump hired Leeza Gibbons instead of Geraldo on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’. 

    RUMBLE TONIGHT!  TRUMP V. GERALDO

    (IT’S A JETS AND SHARKS THING)

    8:40:43 A.M. –  Author Samantha Bruce-Benjamin is on to promote her novel ‘The Westhampton Leisure Hour and Supper Club’.   We all wonder how she was able to wrangle an appearance on the program, as the I-Man rarely reads fiction.  Besides, just the title would be enough for him to be disdainful of both the book, AND the author. Then, we learn that Ms. Benjamin is the wife of the Imus Dentist…Dr. Arthur Benjamin.  And we assume that a deal was struck.  The lovely Samantha got an appearance on the program, in exchange for the I-Man never having to worry about not getting Novocain next time he gets some dental work done. 

    “UM…I-MAN…YOU’VE GOT MY SCROTUM IN YOUR HAND.”

    “THAT’S RIGHT.  AND WE’RE NOT GOING TO HURT EACH OTHER, ARE WE?”

    8:54:09 A.M. – The Boss talks about the Ranch Hand that he fired…well, actually, allowed to resign, and reveals that nobody liked him, nor had he ever worked with someone so ‘Fundamentally Dishonest.’  Well…how about that ‘Doctor’ in the hotel room who required the cash payment up front, and whose credentials were…there was a stethoscope on the bed…?

    WHICH DOCTOR?  WITCH DOCTOR

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    The Late, Great, Leslie Nielsen, as the Little Exorcist That Could:

    “Repossessed”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbpmRl018RY

     

    Monday
    Jun292015

    Hiding in Constable

    6:03:12 A.M. –  Connell is still not here, he is in Canada for the Women’s World Cup Finals…neither is David Sweat, the ‘Other Escaped Convict’.  Who was on his way to Canada, but didn’t quite make it. 

    “NO, I SWEAR, I WAS JUST TAKING MY DAUGHTERS TO THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP!”

    6:08:56 A.M. –  We are off this Friday, for the National Independence Day Holiday.  As July 4th is on a Saturday, the I-Man is disappointed in the ‘Work Ethic’ of the American People.  We suppose that looking like one of the founding fathers has given him delusions of grandeur 

    ADAMS, FRANKLIN, AND IMUS

    6:10:20 A.M. –  The Boss brings up the topic of his ‘Slacker’ Employee, who was ‘Released from Employment’ last week…but the I-Man isn’t quite done with him just yet,  as he has only entered Phase II of ‘I-Revenge’.  There are hot branding iron treatments that have not been imposed, and toenails still yet to be yanked.

    “SO…6:59 REALLY ISN’T  TECHNICALLY ‘BEFORE 7:00, IS IT?”

    6:40:27 A.M. Bo Dietl is here for his weekly visit, well… he’s not exactly HERE in person, he’s phoned in, because...there are no camera for him to play to.  He is not impressed by the State Trooper who shot the fugitive David Sweat, saying that anybody could have shot that guy in the back.  Bo maintains that even the I-Man  could’ve made that shot…and he’s probably right, but only because if he missed, he wouldn’t be able to chase after him.

    “DAMMIT!  SLOW DOWN!  I CAN’T RUN THAT FAST!”

    7:05:37 A.M.  Rob, Fat Bastard that he is, did not send in his Vinnie From Queens topics for today’s segment. He says he ‘Forgot’.  Hey, Jumbo.  If you’re going to forget something…how about you forget…LUNCH.

    HOW ABOUT A SALAD, LIL’ FELLA?

    7:22:44 A.M. –  Apparently, David Sweat was apprehended in the New York Town of ‘Constable’.   He should’ve known that wasn’t the best place to hide.  He might as well have been found in ‘Copper Canyon’, Texas.

    THE ‘COPPERS’ GET A GLIMPSE AT THE FUGITIVE

    7:38:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS  Nat Candido, Lou Rufino, Warner Wolf, Tony Powell and…Gunz.  It begins with a discussion about Pete Rose and whether or  not he bet on Reds games while he was a playing in them.  Our position is, even though he won’t be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, he’s a shoe in for the next ‘Dumb & Dumber movie.

    RATED ‘WTF’

    7:40:08 A.M. – The conversation continues including the Knicks Draft Picks and Carmelo Anthony, with whom Lou is having some serious issues, screaming at him to “Shut Up” about 50 Times.  Until the I-Man has to tell HIM to shut up.

    CARMELO WANTS LOU TO KNOW THAT HE’S NOT HEARING A WORD HE’S SAYING

    7:43:16 A.M. – Who’s the Bigger Douche Sal Alosi, the strength and conditioning coach for UCLA who ‘Got into it’ with P Diddy was taking issue at how Alosi was verbally abusing his son, Justin Diddy.  Or, Josh Robinson, Minnesota Vikings Cornerback, who compares gay marriage to pedophilia….and the consensus is…Sal Alosi.  Either he really is a bigger douche, or the panel is just giving Robinson the benefit of the doubt, as, a Football Player, he’s been hit in the head a number of times.

    7:45:16 A.M. – The I-Man wants to know when we will hear the fate of Tom Brady, in light of his meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell last week…the panel members yield the floor to Gunz, as he’s the expert…at least Stuart Varney.  Sorry about that Gunz, we weren’t supposed to remind the I-Man about your disloyalty last week.

    TWO BFF’S CELEBRATING THE SUPREME COURT DECISION OF LAST WEEK

    8:05:34 A.M. –  The I-Man and Warner engage in an event by event breakdown of the U.S. Track & Field Championships.  As you may know, the I-Man used to be a Track Star in High School…and is an avid runner…while Deirdre, The I-Woman, received a track scholarship to Villanova.  Warner, on the other hand, is merely a fan of the ‘Less Celebrated’ sporting events.  This Discussion was recorded and saved by the CIA for use in future Terrorist Interrogations.  Just the comparison of the times for the 200 Meter Sprint would make anybody sign a confession.

    “I BEG OF YOU, BEFORE THEY GET THE RESULTS OF THE 440 HURDLES…KILL ME!”

    8:18:36 A.M. –  The I-Man asks Bernie, (who, as we mentioned earlier, is filling in for Connell) what “The Futures are doing.”  Bernard responds “They’re hangin’ Chilly.”   We don’t want to get too far in the weeds with this technical financial jargon…but we’re also not sure he got that term out of the Wall Street Journal.

    BERNIE MAY ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING THERE…

    8:39:43 A.M. – I-Fave Bernie Goldberg is on, and he and the I-Man discuss Brian Williams and his new gig over at MSNBC.  Bernie speculates that if Brian, upon his return, had sincerely apologized and shown contrition, and admitted that he blurred the line, thinking that he was really an entertainer, he might have gotten better ratings than he had enjoyed prior to being removed from the Anchor Chair.   You can’t be a journalist AND a stand up comedian.  Unless, of course, you’re Jon Stewart.

     “TIP YOUR WAITRESSES…I’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK.”

    8:45:09 A.M. – The recent Supreme Court Decision and the Media’s reaction to it is tossed back and forth…Bernie says the coverage went too far.  They didn’t just cover it, they CELEBRATED the story.  Considering the subject matter, we feel that the flamboyance used to report it was perfectly appropriate.

    HE WASN’T JUST GAY…HE WAS THRILLED

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    Track and Field Bloopers

    They’re Only Funny

     Until They Happen To You

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDicTJwqhl4

    Friday
    Jun262015

    Imus Free Friday

    6:03:12 A.M. –  It’s yet another ‘Imus Free Friday’.  To add to the misery, Connell is not here this morning either.  This is more than just leaving the keys to the asylum to the inmates.  This is sending a Cub Scout Troop over to Iraq to take out ISIS.

    ‘TOMMY’ IS WORKING ON HIS ‘ANTI-TERRORISM’ MERIT BADGE

    6:08:56 A.M. – Well, Bernie must be doing a good job, because the show is almost 10 minutes old, and there are no News Trucks outside, and we haven’t been escorted from the building by security.

    “SHUT ‘EM DOWN, GUYS…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN THIS MORNING’.

    6:15:44 A.M. – Tony and Warner discuss last night’s NBA Draft, and the Knicks procuring Kristaps Porzingis, which, as you might expect, Warner pronounces about as well as Dr. Bill does ‘Meteorologist’.   Those attending the Draft at the Barclay Center roundly booed the pick…but only because as much as they sucked last season, any time the word ‘Knicks’ is uttered, the crowd immediately erupts in Boos.

    “YO, KRISTAP, I KNOW YOU DON’T HAVE THESE IN LATVIA, BUT THE TOILETS ARE DOWN THIS WAY…MAKE A LEFT WHEN YOU GET TO THE LOCKER ROOM”

    6:40:27 A.M. Alan Colmes is the guest, and, you would think, One on One, it would be a bloodbath between Bernie…and the ‘Anti-Bernie’, Colmes.  They discuss the Supreme Court Decision to keep Obamacare.  Alan applauds the decision, of course, because he’s half a Commie and an Obama Buttboy.  Bernard, on the other hand…wants Medicine to return to its Golden Age.  When Doctors used leeches and Barbers were Dentists.

    “HEY!  I JUST CAME IN FOR A TRIM!”

    7:05:37 A.M.  More on the Escapees, as Noam Laden, filling in for Connell on News Duty, reports that, as we enter day 20 of the story, authorities STILL have no idea where they are.  Bernie suggests they call in the Navy Seals, although we think the NY State Police would be embarrassed to admit they need help finding two broke guys in the woods.

    “NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAH, YOU CAN’T FIND US!”

    7:39:06 A.M. – Author James Bradley has phoned in to promote his new book THE CHINA MIRAGE.   In talking about China with Mr. Bradley, Bernard keeps referring to ‘Mousey Dung’.   Turns out he means the Communist Dictator, and not Rodent Excrement.  Although you could, very well, make a case that Mao Tse Tung was ‘Mickey Mouse Sh#t’

    MICKEY GETS ‘GOOFY’ IN THE MEN’S ROOM AT DISNEYWORLD…AND ‘DROPS THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL’

    8:05:34 A.M. –  Noam Laden is…well, not Connell.  Noam is also not…let’s just say…the most CHARISMATIC person you’ve ever met.  He’s a sweetheart of a man, and does a good job but… We think his being so ‘mellow’, as well as his bloodshot eyes, indicate that he may be spending way too much time with Geraldo.

    “WHERE’S DAVE?”  “UM…DAVE’S NOT HERE, MAN…”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Our 8:30 Guest, Monica Crowley, is a No-Show.  Which means one of two things:  She went to the studios at Fox looking for us, or her Brother-In-Law, Alan Colmes, has her locked in a closet so she can’t refute anything he said in his interview earlier.  Or maybe, that mysterious ‘Fiancée’  of hers, finally swept her off her feet and took her to Paris to elope….nah…she’s locked in Alan’s closet.

    MONICA AND BERNARD THE LAST TIME HE INTERVIEWED HER

    9:11:44 A.M. –  The I-Man phones in to commend Bernie and Tony’s debate over Nuking ISIS.  He then says that the Ranch Hand who didn’t show up to work and texted him at 7:03, (even though he was supposed to be there at 7:00), and then says he emailed the Boss to tell him he wouldn’t be in “Before 7 A.M.” (which, was true, it was 6:59 when he sent it) will be sleeping in again this morning.  “You know what he’s doing today?”  asks Imus.  “Looking for a job.”   We can only hope that Imus sent the dude his pink slip at 7:05…after he got up early to make the trip over to Brenham.  “Good morning, sir.”  “Don’t ‘Good Morning’ me, Mother F#@$er.”

    OOPS!  SORRY, COWBOY, GUESS YOU DIDN’T GET SUCH A GOOD REFERENCE FROM THE I-MAN

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE KNOW WHY THE I-MAN WASN’T HERE TODAY.

    HE AND WYATT WERE GOING TO THE FIRST SHOWING OF

    ‘TED 2’

    AT THE BRENHAM MULTIPLEX

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eHufVyP2gE