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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 

Deirdre's Big Game Day Dish Picks! It's cold outside so a combination of healthy comfort foods with healthy salads will keep you feeling good! 

Mosquito expert: Washington downplaying Zika virus threat to US - As the number of birth defects linked to a mosquito-borne virus surpasses 4,000 in Brazil, and scientists scramble to create a vaccine to protect against the untreatable disease, public health officials are bracing themselves for a potential outbreak in the U.S.

Laundry detergents causing mass poisoning of American children - stop buying toxic chemicals - The convenient single-use laundry packets that people toss in their clothes washer are posing serious health risks to young children who tend to mistake the colorful, clear pouches--commonly referred to as "pods" as popularized by the Tides Pods brand--as candy or toys.

Bowing to pressure, FDA to reform painkiller approval process - Bowing to pressure from lawmakers, Dr. Robert Califf, President Barack Obama's nominee to lead the Food and Drug Administration, said on Thursday the agency would reform its process for approving opioid painkillers.

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

The Happy Vegan: A Guide to Living a Long, Healthy, and Successful Life - Master entrepreneur, original hip-hop mogul, and three-time New York Times bestselling author Russell Simmons offers an inspiring guide to the benefits of conscious eating and veganism


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Resurgent Kobe Bryant leads Lakers past Pelicans, 99-96 - Bryant had 27 points and 12 rebounds, hitting three pivotal 3-pointers in the final 6:05, and the Los Angeles Lakers won their second straight, 99-96 over the New Orleans Pelicans on Thursday night.
Brewer, Ariza lead Rockets past Suns 111-105 - Corey Brewer scored a season high 24 points and Trevor Ariza 22 to lead the Rockets, who scored 38 points off 24 turnovers by Phoenix in a 111-105 victory over the Suns on Thursday night. Brewer made 9 of 12 shots and had four of his team's 16 steals.
BMX legend Mirra dead of suicide - Dave Mirra, one of the most successful BMX athletes in history, was found dead of an apparent suicide on Thursday, said Greenville (NC) Police.
Dana White: Ronda Rousey 'probably' returns in Nov. to face Holm-Tate winner
Details of Johnny Manziel incident released; police say case closed - Quarterback Johnny Manziel allegedly struck his ex-girlfriend several times during an incident at the Hotel ZaZa in downtown Dallas early Saturday morning, according to a Fort Worth police report released Thursday.
Recent Guests:
    Friday
    Feb052016

    Super Bowl 50

    6:07:00 A.M. – As is his custom, the I-Man is off this Friday. Connell McShane has on his big boy pants today as he’s hosting the program. It’s a snowy morning here in New York City. Unlike the I-Man, who in days of yore might have had to read school closings, Connell is grateful that responsibility hasn’t fallen on him as he would have delegated that responsibility to Gunz. Gunzelman would no doubt proceed to mispronounce every school name in the city leading to thousands of kids in a state of panic over being marked absent from schools that don’t even exist.  Just a heads up kids. If you go to Adlai Stevenson High School, but you hear Gunz say that Adele Stevenson is closed, it’s the same place. Enjoy your day off.

    M…M…..Mu….Ma….   Jesus, just sound it out Simple Jack. It’s one of the five boroughs and it rhymes with Tan Patton

    6:15:07 A.M. – Connell plays a clip of Jeb Bush’s moms, Barbara Bush, stumping for him on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. She attempts to list all of the reasons why you should vote for Jeb.  We don’t think that noting that Jeb can reach the top shelf in the kitchen, tie his own shoes, and never farts at the dinner table is going to be enough to get him over the top in New Hampshire. Poor Mrs. Bush. . Even O.J.’s moms feel bad for her.

    Girlfriend, I know just how you feel. I’d tried telling them that O.J. was a good boy and …well…. but I’m sure your boy Jeb will do just fine. All he murdered was his campaign

    6:17:27 A.M. – Warner reports a story that causes us all to cross our legs. San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili was apparently kneed in the groin. The shot was so severe that Manu will be out for a month following surgery on his yam bag. It seems that the surgeon had to retrieve it, and separate it from Manu’s Adam’s apple. The good news is that Ginobili will be first soprano at The Met while he recovers.

    When life hits you in the lemons

    Make Lemonade

    6:42:54 A.M – Vinnie From Queens starring Warner Wolf, Connell McShane, Lou Rufino, Gunz Gunzleman Bernard McGuirk, Tony Powell, begins with our Super Bowl 50 predictions. Warner has us all pick scores, the over-under, the winner, the loser, and this week’s lottery numbers. Warner takes picking football games very seriously. Warner was very careful with his pick. He used a slide rule, and an abacus to predict a 27-23 Panthers victory over the Broncos, however he notes that the Broncos will cover the point spread, thereby giving those that gambled on the Broncos, and took the 6 points and the over a win. Jesus Warner flip a fu*king coin next time. 

    So then you take the cosine, solve for X, and then convert that into a fraction, and that’s the best way to pick heads, or tails

    7:15:43 A.M. – During Warner’s sports report he mentions that L.A. Laker star Kobe Bryant had 27 points last night following a 38 point night on his previous game. Warner says that Kobe, who has been notoriously bad this year, is back from the dead. It is a surprise to us as we didn’t even know that Kobe was sick. Is Warner saying that Kobe has been resurrected like Jesus, or is he saying that Kobe is the walking dead? If Kobe is a zombie that may explain his scoring surge.  It’s easier to score because nobody really wants to guard a zombie.

    Hit me I’m Open!

    7:42:33 A.M. – Democratic Strategist and Fox News contributor Julie Roginsky is our guest. She’s on to discuss last night’s Democratic Debate. She offers some insights on the Democratic side. Roginsky says that Hillary is hurt because she doesn’t seem genuine. Well young lady, just because the “Roilex” you bought from the African gentleman with the suitcase on the street isn’t genuine doesn’t mean that it can’t keep time. At least Hillary’s laugh isn’t fa… okay…it’s a little phony, but we’re sure this email thing is on the up and up, and landing under Bosnian sniper fire has made her one tough lady.

    Does Hillary wear a pantsuit? Of course it’s a real Rolex

    8:15:53 A.M. – Warner put’s Jeb Bush’s campaign into perspective as only Warner Wolf can. Connell again reports that Barbara Bush is campaigning for her son Jeb leading Warner to observe, “If you have to bring your mother in as a character witness …you lost”. Boom drop the mike.

    New Hampshire I just want you to know that my Sonny boy is a fine, upstanding citizen. He’s number one in my heart

    8:40:53 A.M. – Local New Hampshire news reporter Paul Steinhauser of NH1 is our guest. He’s on to give us a battle scene layout of the New Hampshire primary campaign. Paul gives us an interesting insight into New Hampshire voters. Apparently they make up their minds about the candidates that they’ll support, very late in the process. Hopefully they won’t make a decision next Wednesday as the primary is being held next Tuesday. That seems to be Jeb’s problem. The voters will make up their minds about him after the election.

    Hey New Hampshire, Guess What Day It Is

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    This weekend is Super Bowl Sunday. It’s Super Bowl 50. Just in case you aren’t motivated to watch the game we thought we’d remind you of the reason why this unofficial national holiday is one of the best

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6Yl3Y41CJc 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXFZeD2op-Q 

    Thursday
    Feb042016

    The Presidential Suite

    6:05:00 A.M. – Imus begins the morning by hammering Marco Rubio, and then segues into a remark that he hasn’t heard from our first guest this morning, Mike Baker, in a while.   Well, Mike WAS in the CIA, (that’s what he tells us anyway, we think it’s a lot like the Mafia…once you’re in…you never get out) so it is quite possible he’s been…busy.

    MIKE’S BEEN ‘TIED UP’ LATELY. 

    6:15:30 A.M.  – A clip of Deborah Norville interviewing Paula Jones is played, causing the I-Man to reminisce about the time we did a remote broadcast from Little Rock, and he stayed in the very same suite at the Excelsior Hotel where President Clinton, (allegedly), showed Ms. Jones his penis.   He searched the room for ‘Evidence’ that would help to incriminate Bubba, but, alas, came up with nothing.  The hotel is one of those that Imus says “You can’t take your socks off” when you’re walking around the room.  Given Clinton’s penchant for expelling ‘Love Ick’ everywhere, that designation would ESPECIALLY apply to the Presidential Suite. 

    “HE ‘SPOSED HIMSELF TO ME RIGHT THERE IN THE SUITE.”

    “ARE YOU SURE IT JUST WASN’T YOUR SEEING YOUR OWN NOSE?”

    THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE EXCELSIOR HOTEL

    6:17:46 A.M. – The I-Man is INCENSED that the Texas High School Rodeo Association scheduled not just one, but TWO rodeos ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!   And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s in Crockett, Texas, which is 107 miles from the I-Ranch in Brenham.  They’re going to put the game up on the big screen in the arena so you can watch with all the other Rodeo Aficionados, which, is something the Boss says you couldn’t PAY him to do.  Ironically, the people sitting in the stands feel the same way about Imus sitting in the stands with his boots off.   The biggest problem with the scenario is…the snack bar doesn’t serve organic roasted Brussels sprouts. 

    AN ARTIST’S RENDERING OF WHAT A BRONCOS (L) AND PANTHERS (R) SUPER BOWL WOULD LOOK LIKE IF HELD AT THE RODEO ARENA

    6:40:40 A.M.  – Former Spook, (or so he claims) Mike Baker has phoned in (from an undisclosed location as usual) and, when Imus asks him about the Hillary E-Mail controversy, he says that if it was he who had stored classified E-Mails on his private server…he’d be in jail this very day.  However, although he’s convinced that the FBI will indict the Former Secretary of State, he believes the Department of Justice won’t pursue it. 

    HILLARY TO THE F.B.I.: “NYAH NYAH NYAH, NYAH NYAHHH NYAH!”

    7:05:08 A.M.  – The I-Man extolls the virtues of Charlie Thompson, the world’s greatest Horse Shoer.

    “WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOMETHING IN A ‘PUMP’?  WE HAVE QUITE A FEW THAT COME IN WIDE SIZES…AND THEY’RE NOT HORSEHIDE.”

    7:11:22 A.M. – Imus is interested in the East Coast/West Coast Hip Hop War from the 90’s in which, Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls (The Notorious B.I.G.) were killed, and the new documentary that suggests Puffy paid to have Tupac killed and Suge Knight had Big Poppa killed.

    IMUS AND HIS BFF SUGE KNIGHT ON THE NIGHT BIGGIE WAS KILLED.  WE’RE NOT SURE WHO PULLED THE TRIGGER…BUT THE I-MAN DOES HAVE A CARRY PERMIT

    7:17:34 A.M. – Imus has a very astute perspective on Jeb Bush and the way he’s been taken down by Trump:  He refused to fight back.  The I-Man insists that Jeb SHOULD have fought back, and matched Trump’s vitriol.  For every ‘Low Energy’ remark made by Trump, Bush should’ve returned fire referring to Donald’s ‘Blubber Titties’.  Or played ‘The Dozens’…and make ‘Yo’ Mama’ Jokes about Trump’s mother.  Although, we’re not sure Jeb would want to go down that road, seeing as how his Moms looks like she’s the guy on the Dollar Bill.

    “YO MAMA SO OLD, GEORGE WASHINGTON TOOK HER TO THE PROM.”

    7:39:16 A.M. PSYCHOS finds Bernard taking President Obama to task his visit yesterday to a Mosque that is being investigated by the F.B.I.  He’s offended that those at the Mosque practice ‘Gender Apartheid’ in the way they treat their women.

    BERNARD’S PERCEPTION OF THE PRESIDENTIAL PORTRAIT

    Alan talks about Evangelicals in Iowa and the GOP Candidates that pander to them.  He may have a point, but it’s moot.  He’s not going to heaven because he’s Jewish.

    CURTIS’ PERCEPTION OF ALAN B. COLMES HEADSHOT

    Deirdre hates…well, Alan.  She takes umbrage at his defense of the way Muslim women are treated, comparing the gender bias to that of Orthodox Jews.  She’s absolutely INCENSED by his position, and screams at him with such vitriol that, although we don’t agree with some religions’ silencing their women…we understand.

    A PR PHOTO OF DAFIYAH IMUS AND LAMISA WIEHL FOR THEIR NEW MUSLIM RADIO SHOW ‘BURQA ON BURQA’

    Curtis goes postal over Police Commissioner Bratton’s announcement that napping is no longer allowed on subway trains and police are going to start waking people up, as they are easy victims and much more susceptible to crime.  Now that the Guardian Angels are back on the trains, we hope the overworked Mr. Sliwa doesn’t ‘Nod Off’.

    CURTIS SLIWA: JUST A QUICK 40 WINKS BEFORE HEADING DOWN TO THE STATION TO BUST SOME HEADS

    8:05:11 A.M. – Both Dr. Bill Evans AND Sid Rosenberg have made it known that they want to join The Guardian Angels.  That will happen right around the time Larry Flynt wins the Gold in the Decathlon at the Olympics.

    SID HITS ON A NUBILE STRAP HANGER, WHILE DR. BILL LOOKS ON, REMINDING US TO PUT OUR ‘GUARDIAN GEAR ON’

    8:10:25 A.M. – While extolling the virtues of his amazingly beautiful, plush, and loaded Horse Trailer, the Boss says “If you don’t’ have a Bloomer Trailer, you’re a terrorist.”

    “ONLY INFIDELS DO NOT HAVE BLOOMER TRAILERS!”

    8:20:40 A.M. – Imus weighs in on the Bratton/Don’t Sleep in the Subway edict.  “Who do they think is riding the Subway?  Bill Cosby?”

    COS’ GETS A LITTLE SHUT EYE ON THE WAY TO PICK UP SOME QUAALUDES

    8:40:43 A.M. – Super Attorney Arthur Aidala is on and shares that his Grandfather was a Judge.   Not the kind on a bench in a courtroom, but in a boxing ring.  He officiated at the first Ali-Frazier fight.   Really.  Well…I’ll be darned. Thanks for sharing, Arthur.  The I-Man was ALSO at the fight.  Interestingly, neither man remembers it.  Arthur’s Grandfather because he’s dead…and the I-Man, because…it was 1974.

    FRAZIER, ALI, GRANDPA AIDALA AND THE I-MAN, WHO, AS WAS SOMETIMES HIS WONT, WANDERED INTO THE RING LOOKING FOR THE MEN’S ROOM

    VIDEO OF THE DAY  

    THE GUARDIAN ANGELS

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MWJbmeV6JQ 

    ALI / FRAZIER

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQhFhdmW6Vs 

    AND…AS A BONUS,

    A LITTLE PETULA CLARK

    IN A TRIBUTE TO POLICE COMMISSIONER BRATTON

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0xd2v9FerM 

    Wednesday
    Feb032016

    The Day The Music Died

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man talks about Bill O’Reilly last night, and his screaming about how Trump wouldn’t have lost Iowa had he not skipped the last debate.  Trump’s testy relationship with Megyn Kelly is mentioned, which makes the Boss ponder why her husband, Doug Brunt, doesn’t “Go over there and beat the hell out of Trump” for saying all those nasty things about her. 

    IF WE WERE TRUMP, WE WOULDN’T MESS WITH THIS GUY.  IT DOESN’T APPEAR THAT DOUG ‘THE TERMINATOR’ BRUNT…PLAYS

    6:15:30 A.M. – Warner reports that Lady Gaga will be singing the National Anthem at Super Bowl 50 in San Francisco.  Which, considering Coldplay is the Half Time Band…makes sense.  Apparently the theme this year is ‘The NFL Finally Just Gives Up.’

    OH SAY CAN YOU SEE?  YES.  WE CAN.  THE MEAT HAT.  YES, WE DO SEE IT AND WE FIND IT DISTURBING.

    6:17:46 A.M. – Warner goes on to report that NASCR driver Tony Stewart suffered a back injury after a non-racing accident.  The I-Man’s take? “Are you sure he’s not related to the Kennedy’s?”

    “TAKE IT FROM ME, TONY…YOU SHOULDN’T DRINK AND DRIVE…BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HIT A BUMP AND SPILL SOME.”

    6:40:27 A.M. Fox News Anchor, Brett Baier is on and the I-Man asks him if he has any insights or inside info about Hillary Clinton’s E-Mail situation, and the FBI investigation.  Brett answers: “We have a number of sources who say…something will happen.”  Wow.  Thanks Brett.  You really blew the lid of this story. 

    THIS IS WHAT, IN CHAPTER TWO OF ‘HOW TO GET BABES’, IS KNOWN AS A ‘DOUBLE WHAMMY’: A HANDSOME MAN IN A TUX HOLDING A PUPPY.

    7:05:10 A.M. – Today is ‘The Day the Music Died’.  And to commemorate the tragic deaths of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper in an airplane crash just outside of Clear Lake Iowa, the I-Man will be playing ‘American Pie’, leading us to wish Richie Valens had given us HIS ticket.  For research purposes, we listened to ‘The Legacy of the Big Bopper.’  If today truly IS the day the music died…in The Big Bopper’s case…it was a mercy killing.

    HERE’S THE LINK.  WE DARE YOU TO LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING WITHOUT WANTING TO BOARD A PRIVATE PLANE IN A RAGING SNOWSTORM

    https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/store/music/track/the-big-bopper/the-legacy-of-the-big-bopper/crazy-blues/8d6kgx7581tx

    7:07:34 A.M. – The Boss mentions that on February 3rd, 1959, he remembers where he was when he heard about the plane crash.  He was in the Jungles of Vietnam as a Marine, dodging bullets as he patriotically battled the Viet Cong, preserving freedom in America by killing ‘Charlie’ with his bare hands.  Um…Chief?   President Johnson didn’t commit ground troops until after the Gulf of Tonkin incident in 1964.  Maybe you remember that decade the same way you remember the 70’s and part of the 80’s… not at all.

    A 19 YEAR OLD I-BOY REACTS TO THE NEWS OF BUDDY HOLLY’S DEATH

    7:15:30 A.M. – As the morning progresses, the I-Man becomes increasingly more irritated with the State of Iowa.  At first, his revulsion stems from the Fat, Drunk Corn Eatin’ Iowa Goobers and their stupid Caucus.  But, as if that wasn’t enough reason for him to hate the State, he’s reminded that Buddy Holly’s plane went down in Clear Lake, Iowa.  And, if Buddy had been anywhere else that day, like Indiana, he’d be a Greeter at Caesars.  Thanks, Iowa, for killing the music.

    ‘CORN’ PUTTING ‘MUSIC’ OUT OF HIS MISERY

    “WELCOME TO CAESAR’S MY NAME IS BUDDY AND THIS IS YOLANDA & JOSEFINA VALENS”

    7:20:40 A.M. – Connell reports that Ben Carson has left the Campaign Trail to head home to Florida to get ‘Fresh Clothes’.  It makes us wonder if there are no Laundromats or Dry Cleaners in New Hampshire…but then we realize he means ‘Fresh’ Clothes.

    WE HAVE TO ADMIT…THOSE ARE SOME PRETTY ‘FRESH’ CLOTHES.  AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE’D GO SO FAR AS TO SAY THEY WERE… ‘FUNKY FRESH’

    7:39:16 A.M. – Time for our favorite segment of the week, BLONDE ON BLONDE or, as we like to call it… ‘The Hot Tomato and the Muffin Top’.  The I-Man begins by promoting Lis’ new novel, The Newsmakers, and asks if there’s any ‘Sex’ in it.  Lis replies that there’s “Some light kissing…and no cursing…”

    BUT…IF THIS IS WHAT LIS MEANS BY ‘LIGHT KISSING’…WE JUST MIGHT START CURSING OURSELVES…

    7:41:56 A.M. – The ladies discuss the controversial, somewhat inappropriately suggestive photo of Donald Trump and his then 15-year-old daughter Ivanka.  They think it’s ‘Gross’…and maintain that, once you’ve viewed the snapshot, “You can’t unsee this photo.”  No.  You can’t.  But you can see it here:

    WE KNOW WHY THIS PHOTO IS CONTROVERSIAL:  WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE HUMPING PARROTS?

    THIS ONE IS MUCH HOTTER.  BECAUSE THERE’S SOME ‘LIGHT KISSING’ IN IT

    7:43:22 A.M. – The story about Oral Roberts University requiring students to wear ‘Fit Bits’ to help them avoid putting on the ‘Freshman 15’ is discussed.  Deirdre says that they should focus on the drinking lifestyle of the students if they are concerned about students’ weight.  We’re not so sure that there’s much beer chugging going on at Oral Roberts University…but Deirdre DOES have a point.  We know when we pound a few 40s it goes right to our hips.

    THIS STUDENT HAS HAD SOME ‘INTERMITTENT SUCCESS WITH HIS ‘FIT BIT’

    8:05:11 A.M. – The I-Man gives us a ‘You Be The Judge’ scenario, allowing us to choose the fate of Ranch Hand T-Money…who is late.  At first we’re surprised that Imus thinks T is pregnant, we assumed he was just fat, but The Boss is referring to the fact that although Mr. Money is supposed to show up for work at 7 A.M. the security cameras reveal that he arrived at 7:02…despite the fact that he lives ON the ranch.  We are asked if we think that the I-Man should give T-Money grief for his tardiness.  Tony says ‘no’, because, technically, living on the ranch would make T-Money ‘At work’ the minute he gets out of bed…although we suspect he’s just sticking up for him because he’s black. Warner, however…has no mercy.  “Be on time…the mic is on, you can’t show up late…” Apparently, before becoming a Sports Broadcaster, Warner was a merciless drill sergeant.

    WARNER DISCIPLINES T-MONEY

    8:20:40 A.M. – The I-Man announces that Brit Hume will be a guest, and that, in an unprecedented move, he will WAIVE the 5 Favorite Song requirement…just for him.  This is surely the first sign of the Apocalypse.

    MAYBE IT’S JUST AS WELL.  WE GET THE FEELING THERE’D BE A LOT OF ‘ABBA’ ON THAT PLAYLIST

    8:40:43 A.M. – The Certifiable Curtis Sliwa is here, and he announces that, due to the current situation in the subways and this city…THE GUARDIAN ANGELS ARE BACK ON PATROL!  And they have pledged to remove the ‘Emotionally Disturbed’ people away from the strap hangers they are harassing.   This is huge.  Justice will finally return to the D Train.  Because there’s nothing scarier than a balding, incontinent, impotent crazy man in a red beret. 

    THIS IS A MAN WHO KNOWS FROM ‘EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    February 3rd, 1959

    ‘the day the music died’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ih7N9_VUU4U

    Tuesday
    Feb022016

    Go At Your Own Risk

    6:05:00 A.M. – In the aftermath of the Iowa Caucus last night, the I-Man is INCREDULOUS that Ted Cruz won.  But not nearly as incredulous as Donald Trump was.

                          

                  TRUMP YESTERDAY AFTERNOON       TRUMP LAST NIGHT

    6:10:20 A.M. – Imus remarks that, due to Trump’s loss, Fox was the big winner last night.  “Megyn Kelly and Brett Baier looked like they won the Powerball.”

    AND AFTER REPORTING THE RESULTS, MEGYN WALKED BACK TO HER DRESSING ROOM, HIGH FIVING THE CREW WHILE SHOUTING, ‘TRUMP’S MY BITCH NOW!’

    6:21:46 A.M. – Conversely, Fox Business wasn’t really that much of a winner, in that, Democratic Candidate Martin O’Malley would finish…third…in a race with…three candidates.  Really went out on a limb with that one.

    FOX BUSINESS CLAIRVOYANT CORRESPONDENT, THE AMAZING KRESKIN

    6:40:27 A.M. I-Fave Alan Colmes phones in with his perspective on the results of last night’s caucus.  He’s staying indoors, as it’s Groundhog Day, and doesn’t want some fat drunk in a Top Hat grabbing him by the neck and pulling him out.   We understand his hesitancy.  Ferrets are quite often mistaken for Groundhogs.

    AND IF HE SEES HIS SHADOW…IT’S SIX ADDITIONAL WEEKS OF HILLARY’S CAMPAIGN

    6:43:16 A.M. Ted Cruz’s father has said that his son is “Doing it for Jesus.”  We’re not sure what Jesus’ position is…

    “HEY…TED, IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T APPRECIATE THE GESTURE…IT’S JUST THAT…I’M ‘FEELING THE BERN’

    7:05:10 A.M. – The always fashion conscious I-Man comments on Glenn Beck wearing a camouflage scarf on Anderson Cooper last night. 

    WE’RE NOT SURE ANDERSON WOULD’VE SIGNED OFF ON GLENN’S ENSEMBLE

    MAYBE ANN COULTER SHOULD THINK ABOUT WEARING ONE…TO HIDE THAT ADAM’S APPLE OF HERS

    7:10:20 A.M. – During his victory speech, (which was dubious, considering he came in third) Marco Rubio says that he’s going to take our country back.  (Which caused a member of the Dakota Sioux, who was in the crowd, to cough loudly and mutter ‘Bullsh*t!’)  The I-Man makes the astute observation that we should stop giving our country to people.  That way we won’t have to get it back. 

    “HEY, MARCO.  I’VE ALREADY GIVEN UP ON GETTING OUR COUNTRY BACK…BUT COULD YOU AT LEAST RETURN MY F#CKING LAWNMOWER?”

    7:17:34 A.M. – Warner reports on a female cyclist at the Women’s World Championship race, Femke Van den Driessche, who had a secret motor hidden in the fame.  The Race officials became somewhat suspicious when Ven den Driessche had her feet draped over her handlebars going uphill at about 45 MPH.

    MAYBE SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN HER FEET OFF THE PEDALS

    7:17:34 A.M – During a live read of a NUVO Fat Loss spot, the ever astute observer, Imus, remarks that Donald Trump has “Big Ol’ Blubber Titties”.

    TRUMP’S TITTIES:   “THEY’RE HUUUUUUUGE!”

    7:39:16 A.M. – Time for Bernie and Sid, and the segment begins with last night’s Iowa Caucuses, Bernard the big loser, who supported Trump, much to the amusement of the celebratory Sid, who was behind Cruz.  It is a turn of events that, according to Mr. Rosenberg, proves to him the existence of God.  God, on the other hand, has been spending the last 48 years trying to deny the existence of Sid.

    AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY, GOD CREATED THE MORON

    7:45:09 A.M. – Each of the boys dismisses the other when it comes to basic knowledge of government…and baseball.   Sid challenges Bernard to name two Mets Pitchers.   Bernard says “Jesse Orosco and Sid Fernandez.”  Both of whom haven’t pitched in quite awhile. Bernie then challenges Sid to name two Supreme Court Justices.  Rosenberg opts for Wapner and Judy. 

    SID’S MOST FAVORITE NATIONAL LEAGUE PITCHER/SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, RUTH BADER DE GROM

    8:05:11 A.M. – As it’s Groundhog Day, the I-Man does as he does each year at this time, reprimanding the ‘Fat Drunks’ in Punxsutawney, PA for drugging the rodent and swinging him around like a fur handbag.  Dr. Bill, the meteoghl…the meterlkrl…our weatherman, brings up Staten Island Chuck, the Groundhog who is the NYC version of Punxsutawney Phil.  The good Doctor accuses mayor Bill De Blasio of murdering Chuck.   Actually, it was Charlotte, Chuck’s daughter, who was filling in for the sleeping Chuck, who Hizzoner effectively killed.  De Blasio dropped her on her head from a height of approximately 6 feet, and she was found dead in her cage a week later.  Whether she died as a result of the injuries she sustained at the hands of ‘Bolshevik Bill’, remains a topic of heated contention.

    STATEN ISLAND CHARLOTTE 2006-2014

    THE BODY WAS RETAINED AT THE STATEN ISLAND VETERINARY MEDICAL EXAMINER’S OFFICE PENDING THE MURDER INVESTIGATION.  NO ARRESTS WERE MADE

    8:20:40 A.M. – Another pithy observation from the I-Man.  “Bill De Blasio is the Skip Bayless of Politics.”

    “BILL & SKIPPY” THE NEW MORNING TEAM ON ESPN RADIO

    8:20:40 A.M. – In light of the Zika Virus scare taking place in Latin America, Warner suggests a new slogan for the 2016 Summer Games of the Brazil Olympics, being held in Rio this August:  “Go at your own risk.”

    THE TWO MASCOTS FOR THE 2016 BRAZIL OLYMPICS:

    ‘VINICIUS’, THE YELLOW FACED CAT, AND THE SOMEWHAT ILL-TIMED, AND, UNFORTUNATELY NAMED ‘ZIKA’, THE AIRBORNE VIRUS

    8:40:43 A.M. – The always testy and sullen Jeff Greenfield is the guest, he’s in Concord, New Hampshire, which could be the reason why he’s extra surly this morning.  He’s doing a piece for PBS about the Primaries and, from his perspective, if Trump should lose New Hampshire it would be near fatal to his campaign.  One would surmise that the same would be true for Hillary, however, should she lose in the Granite State, it wouldn’t be nearly as fatal for her as it would her campaign manager. 

    SHOULD YOU EVER HEAR THE NAME ‘ROBBY MOOK’ IN THE SAME SENTENCE AS THE WORDS ‘BLOOD RUNNING UPHILL’, REMEMBER YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N01vThrQ40Q

    BONUS:

    THE GREAT DELBERT MCCLINTON

    WITH THE THEME SONG TO THE FILM ‘GROUNDHOG DAY’

    ‘WEATHERMAN’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EecUGOngvM

    Friday
    Jan292016

    It Was An Accident

    6:05:00 A.M. – Friday, no Imus, Connell in the Big Chair… topic? Last night’s ‘Debate’.  The effect of the absence of Donald Trump was palpable.  He was like ‘Elijah’ at a Passover Seder.  Roger Ailes opened the door to let him in…they even had a place set for him, but Trump never showed up. 

    IT LOOKS LIKE LINDSEY GRAHAM AND RICK PERRY DIDN’T SHOW EITHER

    6:15:30 A.M. – Apparently Trump’s Veteran’s Fundraiser last night, which occurred while the debate was going on a mere five minutes away, was a success.  The candidate bragged about how many cameras he had at his event, which made him proudly announce “It looks like the Academy Awards.”  Well, if you consider that the only black people were those two African American Ladies known as ‘The Trump Girls’, yeah, it was really a LOT like the Oscars.

    “…AND WHY WASN’T IDRIS ELBA NOMINATED?”   “MMMMMM HMMM!”

    6:40:27 A.M.   Republican Pollster Kristen Soltis Anderson is the guest, a brilliant woman, but when we ‘Google’ her, we see she is also quite the… ‘Snappy Dish’, as we sometimes refer to attractive women on the program.  Quite a departure from another Republican Pollster we know…

    WHO WOULD YOU RATHER TALK TO?

    6:43:18 A.M. Ms. Andersen observed that, at last night’s debate, Jeb Bush and Rand Paul looked much better without the Superstar, Donald Trump, on the stage with them.   It’s kind of like the ugly fat girls when their gorgeous friend leaves the club. 

    “HEY YOU GUYS…WHERE DID KRISTEN GO?”

    7:15:10 A.M. – Warner reports that University of Michigan Head Coach Jim Harbaugh, as part of his recruitment drive for incoming Freshmen, brought in some celebrity guests to speak, including Gunz’s favorite:  The Nature Boy, Rick Flair.

     

    7:20:34 A.M. – Connell plays a clip of Trump from his fundraising event last night introducing his pregnant daughter Ivanka, and asking her to stand up.  Although she’s not due for another two weeks,  he says how great it would be if she could have the baby in Iowa. 

    LOOKS LIKE SHE’S HAVING QUADRUPLETS

    7:39:16 A.M. – Fox reporter Rich Edson covered Trump’s event last night and observed that there were a couple of protestors who were quickly shouted down.  Unusual, as Trump supporters are usually so deferential and respectful of people who have opposing viewpoints.  Yah.  The protestors were lucky Trump’s people weren’t heating up some roofing tar and tearing open their down jackets.

    ONE OF THE ANTI TRUMP PROTESTORS OUTSIDE LAST NIGHT’S FUNDRAISER AT THE SHESLOW AUDITORIUM AT DRAKE UNIVERSITY

    8:15:11 A.M. – Warner reports that the United States Anti-Doping Association is investigating Peyton Manning’s alleged use of the NFL – Banned substance, HGH. 

    ONE THING’S FOR SURE…HE’S NOT PLAYING LIKE HE’S ON HGH…HE’S GOT AN ARM LIKE BOB DOLE’S… BUT…AT LEAST NATIONWIDE IS ON HIS SIDE…

    8:22:40 A.M. – Warner has been reporting all morning about Calgary Flames’ Defenseman, Dennis Wideman, who checked one of the Hockey Officials in the back of the head.  He claims that hitting the official was ‘An accident’.  So was the mobster, who, unfortunately fell on his back into an icepick 50 times…

    DETECTIVE SAYS “IT THE WORST CASE OF SUICIDE I’VE EVER SEEN.”

    8:40:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin, Fox News contributor and New York Post columnist has phoned in, and his take on last night was that Trump didn’t have as big of an effect on the debate as everyone thought.  He also says that Ted Cruz has a good chance at winning the Iowa Caucus.  Despite the fact that he attempted to be ‘funny’…demonstrating that he is to comedy, what Stephen Hawking is to Freestyle Rap.

    ‘EAZY-S’ FROM P.W.A. – ‘PHYSICISTS WITH ATTITUDE’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    YEAH, THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLdUxOT-HbY 

    BONUS CLIP

    For Gunz

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjW9UXoKU2s