6:05:00 A.M. – After the I-Man’s decree yesterday, bestowing Connell with omnipotent power on Fridays…the McShane Reign of Terror begins.
COMING SOON…TO A RADIO NEAR YOU
6:08:16 A.M. – Both Bernie and Gunz are out…we think they’re on strike. Probably protesting the McShane Tyranny.
BERNARD, SHOP STEWARD IN THE LOCAL CHAPTER OF B.U.R.P., WALKS THE PICKET LINE WITH THE TABULA RASA
(We Mean Gunz, not the sign…)
6:40:27 A.M. – We get a replay of a ‘Best Of Imus’ interview with New York Times’ Columnist and Author, Tom Friedman, who says that ISIS wants Trump to be the President. We wonder what a campaign rally in Syria looks like.
7:05:10 A.M. – Connell reports that Trump has encouraged Marco Rubio to run…for Senate. But it’s hard to go running in high heeled boots.
HE’S GONNA NEED SOME WATER
7:17:34 A.M. – Warner has trouble pronouncing Yankee Shortstop Di Di Gregorious’ name, stumbling on the ‘Gregorious’ part. (It would’ve been REALLY bad if he stumbled on the ‘Di Di’ part)
THE GREGARIOUS MR. GREGORIOUS
7:19:49 A.M. – Warner then reports that the oft injured, Tony Romo says he can play another four or five years. He has no problem pronouncing either ‘Tony’ or ‘Romo’. We agree that he should be able to play for at LEAST another four or five years, seeing as how he only plays 2 or 3 games a year anyway…so he’s probably rested.
THE TONY ROMO ACTION FIGURE COMES COMPLETE WITH CRUTCH AND REMOVABLE ARM CAST, AND IS A CHOKING HAZARD
7:39:16 A.M. – Direct from Fox News Network, Martha MacCallum is on to discuss the President’s trip to Hiroshima, and she thinks he handled it well… why? Because he didn’t make a whistle sound and then yell BOOM! ? She doesn’t think that the trip accomplishes much but she feels that Pearl Harbor should be recognized by the Japanese. Well…we know one thing for sure: They can certainly find it on a map.
TRANSLATION: “DROP THE BOMBS HERE.”
8:05:11 A.M. – Connell reports on a potential Trump/Sanders debate. It’s sure to be a ratings winner.
AND THAT’S THE WAY IT WOULD GO…FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF…
8:20:40 A.M. – Connell plays a clip of a Trump Press Conference in North Dakota, as he was clinching the nomination. A reporter brings up the name ‘Elizabeth Warren’, and Trump says “You mean, ‘Pocahontas’?” When a Native American reporter in the room yells out “That’s offensive”, Trump apologizes…and then mere moments later, refers to Ms. Warren as ‘Pocahontas’ again.
ELIZABETH WARREN TAKES EXCEPTION TO TRUMP’S NICKNAME FOR HER, BUT SHE HAS A FEW FOR HIM: ‘LIAWATHA’, ‘DONALD SQUIRREL PELT’ AND ‘CHIEF TALKING BULL’
8:20:43 A.M. – After going 0 for 2 on the Didi Gregorious pronunciation, Warner settles on ‘Mr. G’. He was DEFINITELY at the game, according to Warner.
EVEN GIANCARLO STANTON HAS A BETTER BATTING AVERAGE THAN WARNER
8:41:07 A.M. – VINNIE FROM QUEENS The guys discuss the NBA Playoffs and whether or not Golden State will be able to make it back home for a Game 7. We’re sure they’ll make it back home…because they have a private jet…but we’re not so sure they’re going to be playing basketball once they get there. Unless there’s a pickup game in the park, because it looks like OKC is going to the Finals.
“YEAH, DRAYMOND…I THINK WE CAN TAKE THESE KIDS…IT’S NOT LIKE THEY’RE KEVIN DURANT AND RUSSELL WESTBROOK…”
Rob Gronkowski adorns the cover of the ‘Madden 17’ videogame, and the panel ponders over whether or not there is a jinx attached to that, as there is with the athletes who make it on the Sports Illustrated Cover. The guys seem to think there IS a jinx, except for Warner, who has never been the same since the time he stepped on a crack and broke his best friend’s Mother’s back.
DAMN YOU, WARNER WOLF!
VIDEO OF THE DAY
THE RECORD BREAKING VIDEO OF THE ‘CHEWBACCA MOM’
CHEWBACCA MOM DRIVES JAMES CORDON AND J.J. ABRAMS TO WORK