Please see I-Man's comments and corrections at end of Blog.
6:05:10 a.m. – The program begins with Imus and Warner deep in discussion about Rodeo. Specifically, Saddle Bronc Riding. Boy are we jealous we weren’t included in THAT conversation. They go over the standings, and then, once the important headline is out of the way, he asks “What’s going on in Gaza, Connell?”
THE PALESTINIAN PROFESSIONAL RODEO ASSOCIATION’S MOST EXCITING EVENT
6:07:14 a.m. – “You know who’s going to be on with Cavuto again? GUNZ! He’s becoming a regular there, he’s a regular here, he’s got his own show, he’s a regular with Warner, he’s a regular with Mark Levin, and he’s got a regular Internet Radio Show.” The I-Man has done a Henry Higgins –Like transformation. His Eliza Doolittle is a short, squirrelly, functioning illiterate with a stupid haircut, and turned him into a media sensation. We guess if a short, squirrelly, functioning illiterate with a fat ass like Kim Kardashian can become a celebrity, anything is possible.
24 HOURS TO CAVUTO…24 HOURS TO CAVUTO…YEAH…DEFINITELY GOING ON…DEFINITELY GOING ON CAVUTO…
6:11:22a.m. – The I-Man notices that Connell has had a haircut, which, he believes, looks “Awful”. You shouldn’t be able to notice you’ve gotten a haircut when you’ve gotten a haircut. Connell’s is “Too Short”. More “Coiffure Commentary” from the man who looks like he’s got an 18th Century Powdered Wig on his head.
“LET THEM EAT ORGANIC CAKE…MADE WITH UNBLEACHED, WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR, AGAVE SYRUP AND FRESH GATHERED, FREE-RANGE EGGS.”
6:16:32a.m. – Imus asks Dagen if she likes Kenny Chesney. She responds, “His music…yes. But I can’t look at him, because he creeps me out.” Dagen admits that she judges same way the way men judge women: Whether or not she’d “Bang ‘em.”
COULD BE THE REASON WHY DAGEN LIKES HIS MUSIC SO MUCH
6:40:08 a.m. – Bill Hemmer is on and talks current events like the Presidential Lawsuit, Israeli Conflict…and something else, but we can’t remember because we’re distracted by his ‘Dreaminess.’ We are secure enough in our masculinity to say that we’re not gay, (Not that there’s anything wrong with that) but if we were, we would DEFINITELY ‘Hit That’. If we were in prison, that is. And there was soft lighting and Nat King Cole’s ‘Chances Are’ was playing in the background…
ROB AND TONY (IN WHITEFACE) MAKING A ‘HEMMER SANDWICH’
7:05:28 a.m. – The I-Man “Loves me some Kim Bryant and Kevin Magee.” We agree with him about Kim…she’s a great boss, a sweetheart, and a ‘snappy dish’ to boot. Kevin, on the other hand, is a great boss, cranky in the morning, and looks like ‘Salesman of the Month’ for Coldwell Banker Real Estate.
7:11:42 a.m. – Carley says she’s having lunch with Gunz today…but won’t be going to lunch with him anymore. “Something has come up.” …is her excuse. We don’t know what she’s referring to, but we’re awful positive it’s not Gunz.
YES, IT’S MEAT WEEK…AND HIS MEAT IS PRETTY WEAK
(AT GUNZ HOUSE IT’S ‘COCKTAIL WEENIE WEEK)
7:12:34 a.m. – Connell reports on the Ebola crisis in Africa. However, the I-Man wants to talk about the fact that they were playing One Republic at a Mexican Restaurant in Santa Fe.
“WHAT ARE YOUR SYMPTOMS?” “HEADACHE, NAUSEA, DIAHHREA.” “DID YOU EAT MEXICAN?” “NO…I LISTENED TO A ONE REPUBLIC RECORD.”
7:41:24 a.m. – MENSA MEETING – Begins with the I-Man asking the “Pat Robertson Question”. The Reverend says that you should forgive a cheating husband the way Jesus forgave you for all your sins. Alan Colmes is curious as to why anybody would go to Pat Robertson for marital advice, while Deirdre, a deeply spiritual woman, has a somewhat opposing view of Robertson. And as such, she informs the I-Man, “If you think you’re going to be licking up on me after you’ve been licking up on someone else…” We’re sorry…but the image of the I-Man licking up on ANYBODY is somewhat disturbing. We’ve seen him lick the lid of his yogurt parfait.
THE I-MAN. WOULD YOU WANT THIS ‘LICKIN’ UP’ ON YOU?
8:06:32 a.m. – Deirdre and the I-Man talk about the dentist who removed Kid Wrangler Austin’s wisdom tooth. The Boss, of course, can’t remember her name, and Deirdre says it’s “Doctor Jenkins”. “What’s her first name?” “I don’t know.” “What’s her first name?” “I JUST TOLD YOU…I DON’T KNOW.” “So…her first name is ‘I Don’t Know’? I thought he was on third.”
DR. JENKINS. THERE’S A REASON WHY SHE WEARS A MASK. SHE DOESN’T HAVE ANY TEETH.
8:17:16 a.m. – Imus waxes poetic: “Here we are, sinking into the Abyss of Mediocrity.” Not exactly “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” and somewhat bleaker than “My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky…” and lacking the alliterative form of “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers”, or, for that matter, “Na Na Na Na Naaa! Have Mercy!”
THE ABYSS. IT DOESN’T LOOK ALL THAT MEDIOCRE TO US.
THEN AGAIN, HE LIVES THERE…
8:38:14 a.m. – One of Imus’ favorite authors, Hampton Sides, (Not related to the Inn and Suites) the man who wrote “Hell Hound On His Trail”, which was about the pursuit of Martin Luther King Jr. assassin, James Earl Ray, is on to discuss his new book: “In The Kingdom of Ice”. This one is about the ill-fated North Pole voyage of The U.S.S. Jeannette, from 1879 to 1882. That sounds GREAT. But we think we’ll wait for the movie. We can’t see reading 480 pages of people eating Seal innards, shooting Polar Bears and standing on deck going, “Jesus, it’s COLD!” Mr. Sides hails from Santa Fe New Mexico. He had his own ill-fated voyage. He traveled nearly 2000 miles to talk to the I-Man, who is currently sitting in a studio 50 miles from his house. But then again, he’s talking to a man who has about 12% Lung Capacity or decided to build a Ranch for Kids With Cancer 6,175 feet above sea level.
MR. SIDES TOLD US THE EXPEDITION WAS FROM 1879-1882…WE DON’T KNOW HOW IT CONTINUED FOR ANOTHER YEAR AFTER THE SHIP SANK, BUT MAYBE THE PHOTOGRAPHER GOT HIS FACTS WRONG. OKAY, SO IT’S NOT EXACTLY A PHOTOGRAPHER, BUT WHOEVER DREW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY ON ANOTHER BOAT WHICH RETURNED SAFELY. WHY THEY DIDN’T OFFER LIFEBOATS, WE DON’T KNOW. WE EXPECT THAT PERHAPS THE ARTIST WAS TOO EXCITED ABOUT RETURNING TO SCRIMSHAW THIS IMAGE AND SELL IT TO ‘OLD SPICE’
VIDEO OF THE DAY
IT TOOK SOME SEARCHING, BUT WE FINALLY WERE ABLE TO LOCATE A MAN WHO GOT A HAIRCUT WORSE THAN CONNELL’S
Blog comments and corrections from the I-Man:
6:40:08 a.m. - Johnny Mathis sings Chances Are
8:17:16 a.m. - The phrase is....into an abyss of irrelevancy .... NOT mediocrity. And it was uttered TWO HOURS EARLIER and in a completely different context. A couple more examples of how f**king out of it fatso and four eyes are. Jesus are they lazy f**ks. The reference to irrelevancy referred to the conversation Warner and I were having (at 6:05:21) that was so pointless it even made my hair hurt. Had I been discussing Rob and Tony's abilities or comedic contributions to this program THEN the word 'mediocrity' would have been more than appropriate.