6:05:00 A.M. – We begin with the I-Man’s Post-Mortem review of last night’s debate. He’s apoplectic over how Trump “Got his ass handed to him.” She beat him like a red-headed mule…like a rented stepchild. He went down like a hooker on the Titanic.
TWO PEOPLE FROM HISTORY WHO DID BETTER THAN TRUMP DID LAST NIGHT
6:08:16 A.M. – Imus says that between the frightening ass-whuppin’ Trump suffered from Hillary, and Deirdre’s outbursts of outrage, he had to leave the room and peek around the corner.
THE BOSS GOT ALL ‘FRAIDY SCARED’
6:16:40 A.M. – The I-Man is incredulous that Lester Holt is supposedly Republican. “If Lester Holt is Republican, ALAN COLMES is a Republican.”
THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO THE GOP AS ALAN IS EVER GONNA GET
6:18:36 A.M. – Finally, the I-Man Crystallizes Donald Trump’s performance last night… “What a fat pussy.” Not to put too fine a point on it.
MAYBE SWITCH TO LOW FAT FRISKIES?
6:22:14 A.M. – The only person the I-Man is less satisfied with than Trump, is Glen Tacinelli, the General Sales Manager here at 77WABC Radio, who, in his estimation, “Sucks to Infinity and Beyond. He sucks more than any other homosapien.”
SEEMS BRAIN SIZE IS CONCOMITANT WITH HOW MUCH A HOMO SAPIENS SUCKS
6:40:27 A.M. – Hannah Storm is on, and the I-Man isn’t sure why. He gives her a hard time about her Alma Mater, Notre Dame, saying that it’s not as difficult to get in there as it is to Rice, where young Wyatt has matriculated. According to the Boss, what’s different about Rice is… “They have books.”
NOTRE DAME VALEDICTORIAN, CLASS OF 2016 - HASHTAG ‘NOT MENSA’
7:05:10 A.M. – The I-Man has the D-Woman poke her head in to get her assessment of last night’s debate, and she is hotter than a two dollar pistol… infuriated that anyone could ever think that Hillary won. She goes from 0 – 60 faster than a Porsche 918 Spyder. In fact, she doesn’t stop there, she accelerates at such an alarming rate, we’re afraid she will spontaneously combust. Now we know the real reason why the I-Man left the room and was peeking around the corner.
BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID
7:17:34 A.M. – Imus warns Trump after his humiliating ass-kicking by Hillary: “You’re lucky she didn’t KILL you.”
TRUMP BY THE CANNON IN FORT MARCY PARK?
7:29:56 A.M. – Imus decides to play something from Lucinda Williams, and says that everybody out at the Ranch HATES her. Deirdre, Wyatt, all the Cowboys...we imagine the horses aren’t all that crazy about her either…we can see them ‘Tying off a fetlock’. Nothing sadder than a Horse hooked on Horse.
SAD WHEN A THOROUGHBRED HAS TO GO OUT TO STUD TO SUPPORT HIS HABIT
7:39:16 A.M. – BERNIE & SID...our answer to ‘McNeill / Lehrer’. Except Jim Lehrer writes books about busses, and Sid lives in a bus station.
HE ‘SUMMERS’ AT THE AMTRAK STATION
7:42:16 A.M. – Sid wants someone to call a doctor…he says the debate has given him a ‘Hard On’ for past 11 hours. But…it’s not like anyone would ever notice. Weird, as we always thought Hillary had the direct opposite effect on men.
SORRY SID. IT’LL MAKE IT STIFFER, BUT IT WON’T MAKE IT ANY BIGGER.
8:15:11 A.M. – Last night Trump said that Hillary ‘Didn’t look Presidential.’ Well, according to the I-Man, neither did Trump. Unless the president was Taft.
DONALD TRUMP ( L ) WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT ( R )
IN CASE YOU WERE HAVING A PROBLEM TELLING THEM APART
8:36:07 A.M. – Imus, a man who can sell ANYTHING on the radio, reads a spot for New Jersey Diet, and encourages fat men to get serious about weight loss, noting that, once the pounds come off… “…you can get a Beemer and some pussy…”
DROP A FEW, JUMBO, AND THEY’LL BE BEATING A PATH TO YOUR DOOR…AND YOU MIGHT EVEN ATTRACT A WOMAN…
8:40:43 A.M. – CNN, (‘The Clinton News Network’) was in the debate hall last night, and suggests that, if you actually LISTEN to what Trump is saying…you will find yourself wondering: “What the HELL is he talking about?”
A YOUNG JAKE TAPPER PREPARES FOR AN EARLY BROADCAST
VIDEO OF THE DAY
WOMEN KICKING ASS…HILLARY STYLE