6:05:00 A.M. – It’s Thanksgiving Eve, and Crash, who’s not a bright man, is somewhat confused. Last Friday, Warner did his sports reports remotely from his home, to test out the equipment, and it sounded like he was right in the studio with us. That’s where Crash got confused. He thought Warner WAS in the studio. He just assumed that the reason he couldn’t see him was because Warner was sitting behind the console. If it weren’t for a couple of the old Yellow Pages we found in a closet, you’d think Warner was invisible.
“I SEE YOU WARNER! I SEE YOUUUUU!”
6:20:56 A.M. – The I-Man informs us that he is partial to the Baby Jesus as opposed to the Grown Up Jesus.
IS IT US, OR DOES HE LOOK A LITTLE LIKE MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY?
TURNS OUT THAT JESUS IS PARTIAL TO THE ‘BABY IMUS’
6:40:27 A.M. – Juan Williams is on, and Imus asks him the question that’s been on ALL of our minds, and for quite some time: “Do you think it’s any fun being Paul Simon?” To which Juan responds, “Not lately.” Boom! Battered Husband reference! Williams from the Blue Line!
IN THE CORNER STANDS A BOXER…AND SHE’S GOT A MEAN RIGHT HOOK…
6:44:48 A.M. – The two then ‘Talk Turkey’. No, not the kind on the Thanksgiving Table, but a frank discussion on the COUNTRY, that shot down the Russian Fighter. No, not the big blonde haired boxer from Rocky 4.
“I MUST BREAK YOU. YOU MUST LOSE.”
7:05:37 A.M. – “I can’t get this image of Paul Simon out of my head.” The I-Man confesses. Which wouldn’t be as much of a problem as Paul Simon not being able to get the image of The I-Man out of his head.
NO WONDER HE’S GOT THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE
7:15:30 A.M. – Imus muses, “How low do you have to be to trick a duck to kill it?”
FIRST, YOU HAVE TO BE VEWY VEWY QWIET…
7:26:52 A.M. – The Boss brings a little holiday spirit to the Nuvo FAT Loss spot, using Rudolph to help sell the successful diet plan: “Hey Rudolph! Where my DICK at?” “You want me to shine my nose on it?” Ahhh…it’s Crimmis Time on the Imus in the Morning Program.
“HEY, HERMIE! I FOUND YOUR DICK!"
7:39:16 A.M. – BLONDE ON BLONDE or, as we like to call it, TWO WOMEN WHO WILL BE SPENDING THEIR THANKSGIVING WITH A TURKEY NECK. Deirdre is HORRIFIED at the treatment of Fowl that are slaughtered for Holiday meals. Lis maintains that, Turkeys know when they’re born that they are supposed to end up on a Thanksgiving Platter.
7:40:16 A.M. – The subject of ‘The Clock Kid’ is brought up, and how he is seeking 15 Million dollars in damages resulting from his controversial arrest last September. Deirdre is incensed, as anyone named ‘Ahmed Mohammed’ who is carrying a suitcase loaded with a homemade device SHOULD be taken into Police Custody and interrogated. “Does that look like any clock you’ve ever seen?” Girl got a point.
WHAT TIME IS IT? TIME TO SPANK THE LITTLE TROUBLEMAKER FOR BEING SUCH AN ISLAMIST INSTIGATOR
WHAT A LOVELY TIMEPIECE!
7:44:16 A.M. – Finally, the I-Man asks the ladies who they would invite, living or dead, to their Thanksgiving Table. Deirdre eschews her usual ‘Go To’, Mother Teresa, (Mama T that is) for something more sentimental. Her Nana. Both her Nana’s actually. Awww. Sweet. Lis was going to say ‘Channing Tatum in a Thong’, but gets shamed into saying she’d like to see ‘Bedstemoder’. Which is Danish for ‘Grandmother’. And not, what she’d like to do to Channing Tatum in a thong. ‘Bed The Mother’.
LIS IS DREAMING OF A THANKSGIVING THAT’S GOING TO BE A LITTLE HOTTER THAN USUAL THIS YEAR
8:15:11 A.M. – Connell reports that Brussels has lowered its’ Security Lockdown, prompting the I-Man to ask “What do we get from Brussels?” Besides the Sprouts? BELGIAN WAFFLES, OF COURSE! “That’s what we have Waffle House for.”
WHO DOESN’T LIKE A BELGIAN WAFFLE?
WAFFLE HOUSE IS EXPANDING THEIR MENU
8:25:50 A.M. – Imus is frustrated that nobody on his staff knows anything. Oh, we know ONE thing, Boss. You are out of your F#@king Mind.
CONNELL GETS A TIME OUT BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING. MAYBE SITTING IN THE CORNER WITH THE DUNCE CAP FOR A COUPLE HOURS WILL MAKE HIM A BETTER NEWSMAN
8:40:43 A.M. – Jeffrey Toobin is on, it’s been a while since he was last on the program…and Imus is looking forward to getting some answers from HIM. No such luck. He knows less than Connell does.
“UM...I THINK SO…I’M NOT SURE…THAT’S WHAT I HEARD, BUT…”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
A ‘HORN O’ PLENTY
WE HOPE YOU AND YOURS
HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY
WE’LL SEE YOU MONDAY
EITHER THAT TURKEY IS OVERDONE…OR THERE’S AN AWFUL LOT OF DARK MEAT