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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre's weekly Psychos segments on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:35am and Blonde on Blonde segment with Lis Wiehl, Wednesdays at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning!

Dangers of Formaldehyde Lurk in Everyday Products

by Deirdre Imus - The chemical and known human carcinogen formaldehyde pops up in many unexpected places, like pressed wood products such as cabinets and flooring, hair straightening or curling treatments, fertilizers, cigarette smoke, and some plastic and paper products. It is also used to kill germs, or as a preservative, which is its main function in the funeral industry. And, it is putting at risk the lives of those who deal with the dead.  Read more...

Playing Offense Against GMO's: Your Right To Know

by Deirdre Imus - Back in April the popular Mexican restaurant chain Chipotle announced it would use only ingredients free of genetically modified organisms, or GMOs.  Last year, Whole Foods Market committed to “full transparency” on products containing GMOs, demanding that by 2018 all products sold in its U.S. and Canadian stores be labeled to indicate if they contain genetically engineered materials. These are noble proclamations with potentially huge implications and should not be taken lightly.  Read more...

An Angry Father's Guide To The Measles Vaccine 

Be informed. Please. I wish I had, 10 years ago, and my life and my family’s life would be much different today. I don’t want you to agree with me, I don’t need you to agree with me, and I don’t need you to change any of your plans, but I hope you’ll listen to what I have to say so you have more information to make the right choice for your son or daughter. Read more...

 

Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

Unlocked: A Family Emerging from the Shadows of Autism

A Poignant and Inspiring Story of a Family Whose Child Emerges from Autism.  Unlocked begins with a vivid depiction of the author’s life with her autistic son, Ben. Feelings of isolation, self-hate, and even moments of hatred toward her own child in response to his behaviors, as well as the impact on her marriage and younger daughter, impel her to seek solutions for his condition. Through years of trial and error, Susan eventually discovers methods that bring about radical improvement in Ben.  Read more....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Friday
    Jul312015

    Sans not Sands, You Moron!

    6:06:12 A.M. – Bernard hosts this morning, and introduces the program is ‘Sans The I-Man’.  A term, with which, Gunz is NOT acquainted.  Not much of a vocabulary there on that boy.  He thinks it means that Imus is ‘At the Beach’.  Um…it’s not ‘Sands’, you moron.  It’s ‘Sans’, the French word for ‘Without’.  As in… ‘Gunz is SANS  a clue’.  Or, more fittingly ‘SANS a woman.’

    MONSIEUR GUNZLEMAN N'A JAMAIS EU DES RELATIONS SEXUELLES AVEC UN AUTRE. AUTRE QUE LUI-MÊME !

    (COPY AND PASTE INTO YOUR FAVORITE FRENCH/ENGLISH TRANSLATOR)

    6:17:44 A.M. – Warner reports that the Mets ‘Blew a 7-1 lead against the Padres.’   Frankly, the words ‘Blew’ and ‘Padre’ in the same sentence make us a little uncomfortable.  No disrespect to Father Jonathan.

    “EVEN JESUS THINKS THE METS SUCK…”

    6:25:27 A.M. Bernie breaks out the horns.  And, we don’t mean he’s a Satanist…he’s playing the always annoying Vuvuzela to welcome the weekend.  Now we know why most people in this country hate soccer.

    NOT THIS  KIND OF HORNS…

    THIS KIND OF HORN

    “SHOUT OUT TO BILL EVANS…I SEE YOU BILL!”

    6:45: 09 A.M.  Phoning in from the State Capitol, Fred Dicker, New York Post columnist and radio ‘personality’…yes, we use the word ‘personality’ somewhat facetiously, as he’s on Talk 1300 AM in Albany from 10 -11 A.M.  Which, in the world of Radio Gigs, is like being the clown who follows the Elephant with the bucket and shovel.  

    GIVEN THE CHOICE…WHICH WOULD YOU PICK?

    “IT’S A DIRTY JOB, BUT… AT LEAST I HAVE MORE PRIDE THAN DE BLASIO”

    6:47: 18 A.M.  Bernard asks Fred what he thinks of the ‘Homeless Situation’ here in the city, and Mr. Dicker compares it to the ‘Days of Dinkins.’  Where the Homeless Roamed like Buffalo on the Prairie….where, sometimes, the ground would tremble with the sounds of hundreds of thousands of feet stampeding towards the Methadone Clinic.

    “I…LOVE A PARADE…”

    7:15:37 A.M.  For some reason, which, we must have immediately put out of our minds like a ‘Hidden Memory’ of an abused Altar Boy, the phrase ‘Warner has needs.’ Is uttered by Bernie.  Although we can’t bring ourselves to conjure that particular image…we assume that half a tuna sandwich is somewhere in the picture.

    “HOT DOGEEE…”

    7:30:06 A.M. HOLLYWOOD & VINE, or, as we like to call it OH, SHUT UP, RIEDEL Deirdre’s upset with Jennifer Beals, who while filming in Vancouver, left her dog locked in her car.

    * CANINE – ENGLISH TRANSLATION: 

    “HEY.  FLASHDANCE. LEMME ASK YOU SOMETHING, BITCH…

    IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO CRACK A F#CKING WINDOW?”

    WELL, AT LEAST MS. BEALS WILL BE COOL

    7:44:16 A.M. – Riedel predicts the upcoming James Bond film will be the BIGGEST ever, despite the fact that Daniel Craig doesn’t wear a tuxedo as well as Roger Moore.  Roger Moore.  ROGER F%$&ING MOORE!  He’s like the ADAM WEST of James Bonds.  Which, if were the case, ‘Catwoman’ would technically be ‘Pussy Galore’

    “THE NAME’S WAYNE…BRUCE…WAYNE.”

    7:45:16 A.M. –  Imogen defends British Actress Cara Delevingne who, accused for being difficult during an insipid interview on some Sacramento Morning Show to promote her new film ‘Paper Town’, was merely being ‘sarcastic.’  The interviewer obviously didn’t  ‘get’ the Sarcasm, which, according to Imogen, is the purview of the British…and Delevingne employed it reacting to the host of the program calling her ‘Carla’ instead of her actual name, ‘Cara’.   Imogen also comments on the disappointing ratings for the Premiere Episode of Caitlyn Jenner’s Reality Series..     Um…let’s just say it’s not just the ratings that are ‘soft’.

    “NO…NO, NO, NO….HELL NO.  THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE ON…”

    8:07:34 A.M. – Bernie makes the observation that the attacks leveled against Trump have not stuck to him…thereby making him the next ‘Teflon Don’, like John Gotti. 

    HOPEFULLY, WE WILL NEVER HAVE TO HEAR THE WORDS ‘YOU WON’T HAVE DONALD TRUMP TO KICK AROUND ANY MORE.’

    8:15:11 A.M. – Looks like Warner has gotten the keys to the Production Studio again this morning…he’s been like Casey Kasem…playing his Song Snippets as actualities during the Sports Reports.  Unfortunately, they’re all hits from when he was a Young, Sportscasting Upstart.  In other words, they’re Gregorian Chants.

    “C’MON, FELLAS…LET’S DO ‘CANTUS SAINT GREGORII’!

    AND THIS TIME, BROTHER PAUL, LET’S PICK UP THE TEMPO…”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin, New York Post Columnist and Fox News Contributor discusses ‘Mayor Putz’ as he’s dubbed DeBlasio…who, Bernard calls ‘Bolshevik Bill’…and his feud with Governor Andrew Cuomo.  The Mayor, noticeably absent from the Press Conference announcing the Multi - Billion Dollar LaGuardia Airport  Re-Building Project...a curious and bemusing act by ‘Big Bird’, (As Bo Dietl calls him) as the Airport, as it is, after all, named after a NYC Mayor.  His excuse:  He doesn’t go to events to which he’s not invited…which means he won’t be in the audience at the next Bill O’Reilly show taping either.  Mr. Goodwin maintains that the mayor lacks the ‘Grit’ to sit down and take care of the homeless problem.  We assume he expects DeBlasio to stand by the Fountain in Columbus Circle, handing out towels, combs and breath spray.

    “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GUM, SIR?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING TO PROVE, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT CARROT TOP 

    WOULD BE A BETTER JAMES BOND

    THAN ROGER MOORE…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t10mNXtfdUw

    Thursday
    Jul302015

    Potty Mouth DKG

    6:03:12 A.M. – The I-Man is out this morning, and so, the show is being hosted by Connell.  He tries to bring the spirit of Imus to the proceedings this morning, by telling us that he ‘Doesn’t feel well’.  Of course, this isn’t really in the true spirit of the Boss…because he says this OFF the air.

    WITH HIS MYPILLOW AND HIS TEDDY, CONNELL FEELS MUCH BETTER

    6:12:56 A.M. – Connell reports that it’s believed a small piece of the Missing Malaysian Airplane has been found…supposedly ‘Part of a Wing’.  Which is almost the same kind of evidence that Rob has just visited a ‘Hooters’.   Where part of a Wing is all that’s left. 

    “HONEY, YOU CAN STOP LOOKING…I THINK I FOUND US A COFFEE TABLE”

    6:15:44 A.M. – Warner shares the story about how the Mets’ attempt to trade Wilmer Flores for Carlos Gomez didn’t go well.  In this age of instantaneous social media, the news became common knowledge while the team was still miserably losing to the Brewers.  The fans gave Flores a standing ovation the next time he was at bat, and he was caught on camera crying while on the field.   Of course, as is always the case with The Mets…it was business as usual.  Flores was NOT traded.  But he’s still a pussy.

    “TODAY…I CONSIDER MYSELF…THE…LAMEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH”

    6:39:27 A.M. During the briefing, Bernard plays a Jon Stewart cut, in which he interviews Presidential Historian and I-Fave, Doris Kearns Goodwin. She shares some of the contents of tapes recorded in the Johnson White House – which she had already shared on this very fine program years ago and we even played the tape! But alas she tells it again…apparently, LBJ was concerned about HIS Johnson, as a phone call to his tailor revealed his request to have a little more wiggle room for his ‘balls’…all the way back to his ‘bunghole’. The headline here is not that Johnson wasn’t…um… ‘Extremely Well Gifted’.   It’s that Doris Kearns Goodwin said ‘Balls’ and ‘Bunghole’.  Actually, that isn’t much of surprise either…you get a coupla pops in the girl and she’s apt to say just about ANYTHING!

    POTTY MOUTH DKG.  TALK DIRTY TO ME BABY.

    6:45:16 A.M. –  Fox News White House Correspondent Ed Henry phones in to discuss the upcoming Republican Presidential Candidate Debate…but before that, he gets into the Wilmer Flores / Carlos Gomez situation…where, as we’ve already reported, Flores cried like a little bitch.  Ed observes ‘There’s no crying in Baseball.’  Really, Ed?  You don’t say.  We never thought of that.  WARNER, however did.  YESTERDAY.  Before this incident EVEN HAPPENED.

    6:46:16 A.M. – Regarding the Debate, Mr. Henry says that all the other candidates are lined up to go against Donald Trump.  He says he read a Tweet that said ‘It’s like preparing for a big NASCAR race where one of the Drivers is drunk.’  We assume two things: 1- The Tweet is referring to Donald Trump.  And 2- That Ed Henry follows Dagen McDowell on Twitter.  What the Tweet DOESN’T say is that Trump rides in the backseat of his NASCAR and has his Chauffeur drive.

    “WHO’S DOING THE DRIVING?  SOMEBODY’S DOING THE DRIVING…”

    7:17:34 A.M. – Warner, incredulous at how the Mets handled this ‘Flores/Gomez’ trade, and Bernie asks who’s to blame.  Warner responds that it’s the General Manager’s.  “Isn’t that guy an idiot?  He’s made a ton of bad moves.”  Bernie says.  Then, he realizes mid-sentence he’s confused the Mets’ Sammy Alderson for the Jets’ John Idzik.  Warner lets loose a sigh of relief.  For once, it’s not HIM who’s got the story wrong.

    ONE OF THESE GUYS IS JOHN IDZIK…THE OTHER IS THE GM OF THE JETS…UM…WAIT A MINUTE…

    7:20:34 A.M. – Warner reports that LA Clipper Forward, Josh Smith, who has taken a pay cut from 10 Million Dollars a Year to 6.9 Million Dollars a year, says it’s going to be difficult to take care of his family now…they will have to all tighten their belts…which means the kids will no longer be able to ‘Make it Rain’ at the Playground.

    “YOU DO THAT DOUBLE DUTCH, GIRL…SHOW ME SOME HOPSCOTCH!”

    7:34:34 A.M. – Bernie plays a clip of Donald Trump making the point that the media always writes stories about people they say they know, but don’t.  He uses as an example all the stories about Michael Jackson after his death by people who didn’t know him...the way HE did. 

    “YOUR MONKEY IS FANTASTIC…TRULY, THE BEST MONKEY IN THE WORLD…AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT…”

    7:41:34 A.M. – Arthur Aidala phones in to discuss the Homeless Situation in New York, a subject that he is passionate about, and has brought up previously, in an edition of ‘Psychos’.   He’s following the story about the Homeless Guy taking a bath in the Columbus Circle Fountain.

    “HEY! WHERE’D ALL THE HOT WATER GO?”

    7:42:44 A.M. – Arthur is also very tired of stepping over these Young White Kids with their cardboard signs with phony narratives about how they only “Need another 17 dollars to get a bus ticket home to Los Angeles’... ‘Only 32 dollars to take the dog to the Vet’…or ‘5 dollars for some crack, because their ‘Cold Fusion Project ran out of funding.’

    SHE STARTS GRADUATE SCHOOL IN THE FALL

    8:07:14 A.M. – Connell says he went to bed last night with the Mets Trade on his mind.  Really Connell?  The world is coming apart at the seams and you’re worried about  A F#@%ING METS TRADE?   If that’s the case, somebody should call Nat to make sure he’s okay, because he should be on suicide watch…

    “WHAT’S THAT BRO? HE ISN’T TRADED? THEN GET ME DOWN BEFORE I CHOKE MYSELF!”

    8:14:28 A.M. – The Republican Presidential Debate is at the forefront of our minds, and so the news of one of John Kasich’s campaign workers took a shot at Donald Trump.  Which means, we DEFINITELY want this guy on the debate stage, because it will be more raw meat for The Donald to eviscerate.  But if we include him, we need to vote another candidate ‘Off the Island’.  Tony believes it should be Ben Carson.  As he doesn’t believe in the existence of Black Republicans…in fact, they’re just like vampires…their image can never be reproduced on camera.  Bernie and Connell think it should be Rand Paul…who’s kind of boring, and with Trump on the dais, we already have enough of a ‘Hair Presence’.  

    “JOHN KASICH LOOKS LIKE HIS FACE WAS ON FIRE AND SOMEONE STOMPED IT OUT WEARING GOLF SHOES.”

    8:39:43 A.M. – Mike Baker is on, our favorite CIA Agent, and he’s phoned in this time, which means our International Man of Mystery must be somewhere in some foreign land, carrying out a ‘sanction’ in the name of preserving world peace.  He says he might just show up at the Imus Golf Outing in September, which is as exciting a prospect as it is terrifying, in the sense that having a trained assassin on the golf course provides plenty of opportunity for someone to be ‘Neutralized’.  There may be a couple ‘Foursomes’ who return to the clubhouse as a ‘Threesome’. 

    THIS IS A PAR TWO

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    LAST NIGHT, THE NEW YORK METS MANAGER, TERRY COLLINS,

    WAS ABOUT AS CONFUSED AS

    LOU COSTELLO

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg

    Wednesday
    Jul292015

    What the Fick?

    6:05:12 A.M. – The I-Man begins by talking about Tom Brady’s suspicious destruction of his cell phone.  He then gives his audience an assignment: To come up with a creative way to hide incriminating texts on an iPhone.  We have the ultimate answer.  Stick it down Gunz’s pants.  No one has ever, nor will they ever, look in there.  It’s safer than the Lost Ark of the Covenant.  It couldn’t be more invisible if it were represented by the William Morris Agency.

    “I HAVEN’T SEEN IT…HAVE YOU SEEN IT?  NOBODY’S SEEN HIDE NOR HAIR OF IT…I THINK IT MAY HAVE JUST ESCAPED…”

    6:08:56 A.M. – The Boss went to Bill Fick Ford yesterday, and is proud of himself for not purchasing yet ANOTHER pickup truck he doesn’t need.  He runs into a Texan Gentleman who, upon recognizing the I-Man, says that he ‘Watches’ him every morning on Fox.   Uhhhhh huh.  What the Fick?

    WE THINK THE DUDE’S CONFUSING THE I-MAN FOR LIZ MCDONALD

    6:15:44 A.M. –  Imus reveals that he’s found a replacement for Meghan Hurlbut, the Office Manager for Imus in the Morning World Headquarters,  and it’s our old friend, Ali from Fox Business.  Gunz is VERY Excited that there will be another ‘Chick’ on the program.  “You mean, besides you?”  Connell asks.

    GUNZ CAN’T CONTAIN HIS / HER EXCITEMENT

    6:18:36  A.M. –  Warner’s take on the Brady story this morning is that Tom should’ve ratted out the equipment managers who were involved in ‘Deflate Gate’…obviously, Warner’s never seen ‘Goodfellas’.

    “YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST PINCH LIKE A MAN,

    AND YOU DIDN’T RAT OUT YOUR FRIENDS”

      JAMES ‘JIMMY THE GENT’ BURKE, ADVISES TOM BRADY

    6:40:27 A.M.  Peter Kiernan, author of Becoming China’s Bitch , and AMERICAN MOJO...and the soon to be released, America’s Got It’s Mojo, Workin’.   (That  last one was ours)  Why is Mr. Kiernan on again?   He has a ‘Yen’ to talk about the Chinese Economy.  We just had him on, but like most Chinese Specialties, a half hour later…you want to listen to him again.  A very interesting interview that ends with the I-Man saying “You’re an idiot”, as Kiernan likes the Willie Nelson version of ‘Georgia’ more than Ray Charles’.  

    THE CHINESE RAY CHARLES HAS GOT HIS MOJO WORKIN’

    7:05:10 A.M.  The I-Man was very upset over the murder of ‘Cecil the Lion’, a beloved animal that had been tracked for years as part of a zoological study about migration habits and inhumanely shot by this Walter Palmer, a Midwest Pantload Dentist who fancies himself a Big Game Hunter. It’s not exactly ‘Hunting’ when you practically shoot the proud beast while its still in the cage.   Imus is audibly shaken by this horrible act…yes, the old cat with the great mane…showing empathy for another of his kind.  There but for the Grace of God…

    HE USED TO WORK FOR MGM

    7:15: 34 A.M. –  The Boss takes a ‘Selfie’, and discovers he looks just like Prison Escape Accomplice, Joyce Mitchell. 

    WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.  THERE’S NO RESEMBLANCE AT ALL

    7:20:40 A.M. –  Breaking News: The Doug Sahm Documentary Project on Kickstarter has met its’ goal of seventy-five thousand dollars…and, in fact, raised three thousand more than they needed.  But that extra 3K will go a long way to improving the already first class production value.  What are they doing?  Using Home Movies taken by the Sir Douglas Quaintet?

    HE MADE IT A ‘SEXTET’.   ‘HE’S ABOUT A MOVER’

    7:35:56 A.M. – A clip of CNN’s Jake Tapper interviewing Republican Candidate Ben Carson, expressing his sympathy and condolences in light of Mr. Carson’s Mom’s death.  It’s heartfelt, and sincere, despite the fact that Ben informs Jake that his Moms ‘Sprang Back.’   Srung back?  Who is she?  James Brown, throwing off the cape at the end of ‘Please Please Please’?  The Crack CNN News Team Strikes Again!

    UM…SHE AIN’T DONE YET, JAKE…

    7:40:06 A.M. BLONDE ON BLONDE, or, as we like to call it, ‘Pinata Time With Lis Wiehl.’   We could easily name it, ‘What’s Pissed Off Deirdre…Now?’   Well, actually, this morning, it’s Dr. Bill, for not coming clean about the fact that he had girlfriend.  Mr. and Mrs. Imus have been trying to set him up with Lis, essentially, pimping her out.  Maybe if Lis got a dark wig, took some photos, and post a profile written in ‘Tagalog’  on  ‘Filipino  Mail Order Brides’, she’d have some better luck.

    LIS, UNDERCOVER, AS ‘IMELDA’: 

    SHE SEEKS “OVERWEIGHT, MIDDLE AGED, HAIRY ARMED, MOUTHBREATHING DORK WHO WEARS A CHEAP WATCH AND STILL LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER”

    7:41:06 A.M. –  Inspired by the story about Gay men now being allowed to be Boy Scout Leaders, leads the I-Man to pose the following question to the Bleached Babes:  “Would you let your child go camping with a Gay Scout Leader?”   Lis isn’t sure if she would allow her son or daughter…but she’d go in a heartbeat.  She’s not above going the ‘Cougar Route’

    “HEY…YOU BOYS WANT TO GET A LITTLE HELP EARNING YOUR ‘KNOT-TYING’ MERIT BADGE?

    7:45:16 A.M. – Imus embraces the idea of Lis lowering her age limit requirement.  He suggests that she takes a run at Gunz…who, basically, would take a run at that Filipino Mail Order Bride above.  When faced a life alone or dating  Gunz…Lis chooses…celibacy.  She would rather be one of those old ladies with all the cats.

    “THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO PUSSY AS GUNZ WILL EVER GET.”

    8:17:34 A.M. – Deirdre turns down the Thermostat, and then disappears from the studio.  Meanwhile, as you know, ‘Old people get cold.’  So the I-Man is freezing.  You can’t be mad at the D-Woman, however, she’s just trying to slow down the aging process…and keep the Boss Fresh.

    “DAMMIT, DEIRDRE, WHAT PART ABOUT ‘IT’S FREEZING IN HERE!’ DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

    8:39:43 A.M. – Lanny Davis, Crisis Management Specialist and Harvey Keitel from Pulp Fiction kind ‘Cleaner’ for the Clinton’s, is on, and Imus asks him if he would rep Bill Cosby, or Walter Palmer, the serial rapist and that Hunter/Dentist/Coward.   Lanny firmly says ‘No’.  Which says a lot, considering he defended Bubba & Hillary through Travelgate and Vince Foster’s ‘Suicide’.

     LANNY DAVIS SUCCESSFULLY DISTRACTING HILLARY FROM NOTICING BUBBA HAS HIS LEFT HAND ON MELANIA TRUMP’S ASS 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN MEMORY OF CECIL THE LION,

    WE PRESENT TWO EXAMPLES

    OF THE INCREDIBLE BOND

    BETWEEN MAN AND BEAST

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SKh9iPWu1Y 

     

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLqVshIM4w

    Tuesday
    Jul282015

    Gunz Gets a Vocabulary Lesson

    6:03:12 A.M. – The I-Man is going on a road trip with T-Money. They’re driving the Custom Trailer to Huntsville to take Hemingway to Mike Arnold’s where he will train the horse to become a Roping Horse.  T-Money will drive and the Boss will snooze in the back on his MyPillow…because T-Money NEVER shuts up.

    THE I-MAN AND ‘T-MONEY’ TRY TO OUTRUN THE SHERRIFF

    6:08:56 A.M. – Connell reports on the plans to rebuild LaGuardia Airport, to the tune of a couple Billion Dollars.  When he’s through, the I-Man admits he didn’t hear a word as he was reading an email from Jimmy Rabbit.  He wants to know what Connell said.  Connell said he didn’t think the I-Man would be interested, as he NEVER flies in or out of LaGuardia, or, for that matter, on any Commercial Airline. The I-Man shocks us all by saying, “It’s not all about me.”   Did he just say what we thought he said?  This is clearly one of the first signs of the Apocalypse. The First Seal has been broken.   

     

    6:40:27 A.M. Father Jonathan Morris is on to promote a book he’s presenting about The Christophers, the Christian Sect that believes ‘It is better to light one candle than curse the darkness.’   Wise words.  We wonder where they got that quote from?

    THE OTHER ONE SAYS ‘YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD.’

    6:42:42 A.M. The Padre says that he blames Pope Francis for his assignment to a parish in the Bronx.  He says it’s a pretty rough neighborhood.  We don’t know why he’s fraidy scared…Jesus has got his back.

    “NOW REMEMBER, YOU DON’T PULL THE TRIGGER, YOU SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER.”

    7:15:37 A.M.  The I-Man says that, last night, he watched ‘Guitar Center Sessions’ with Nic Harcourt.  So we finally have the answer.  HE’S the one who’s watching it.

    NO, THAT’S NOT THE I-MAN WITH A HAIRCUT…THIS IS NIC HARCOURT

    7:16:24 A.M. – Warner reveals that Yankee Didi Gregorius had a great night last night, three hits driving in four runs.  Warner, as is his signature, mispronounces Didi’s name as ‘Gregarious’, which, in a post game interview, proved to be true, as the Dutch Shortstop is quite charming. Gunz, however, who, although is not COMPLETELY ‘On the Spectrum’, is certainly ‘Trainable’, doesn’t know what the word ‘Gregarious’ means.  It means ‘Sociable’, you moron.  Which doesn’t mean that you Tweet and post to Facebook frequently.

    “THIS IS SO…GREGARIOUS…I HAVE TO TWEET THIS…”

    7:36:06 A.M. PSYCHOS the first edition of the week, and it’s a powder keg.  Deirdre, Warner, Bernard, and Tony Powell are going to rail about what’s making them crazy.  Warner goes first, and, as he’s never been on Psychos before, has MONTHS of pent up rants ready to be unleashed.  He goes from people who cross against the red light while texting, the Nuclear Arms treaty, and Israel, despite the wishes of American Jews, is ready to jump ugly on anybody who thinks they’re going to threaten their survival.  It’s really easy to see Warner leaving the studio this morning, and instead of going to the gym and then the movies…he climbs on top of a Queens Water Tower with a High Powered Rifle and a Scope. 

    WARNER THROUGH THE LENS OF A S.W.A.T. SNIPER’S SCOPE

    7:37:16 A.M. – Tony has some Road Rage Issues.  He’s sick of people in the left lane going 4 miles an hour with their flashers on.  He’s also not happy with Rubberneckers.  He maintains that drivers have already SEEN an overturned tractor trailer.  But if E.T. was humping a goat by the exit ramp, he could understand why commuters might want to ‘slow down to take a picture.’

    YEAH, WE’D SLOW DOWN FOR THAT.

    7:39:18 A.M. – Bernie takes exception to Democrats’ gloating over what they perceive to be a ‘Clown Car’ group of Republican Candidates.  He says that the Democrats have their own Circus: The lady who’s married to a rapist, the guy who’s more concerned with the Metric System, and the Crazy Socialist who looks like he hasn’t showered or combed his hair since the campaign began.

    THE ‘CIRQUE DU SO LAME’

    7:41:57 A.M. – Deirdre has Planned Parenthood in her sites, she’s incredulous that the organization is selling the body parts of aborted fetuses…which is not the kind of conversation you’d be searching for on the radio dial if you were sitting down to a plate of sunnyside up eggs.

    THE PRECEEDING WAS A MESSAGE FROM THE BRENHAM TEXAS CHAPTER OF ‘RIGHT TO LIFE’

    8:07:34 A.M. – After wondering for almost a week why Dr. Bill has not contacted Lis Wiehl, the I-Man learns that Evans has a new girlfriend.  Which means that he only had enough Duct tape for one date.  After he goes to Costco and stocks up on a skid, he’ll give Lis a jingle jangle.

    LIS ON HER SECOND DATE WITH DR. BILL

    8:25:11 A.M. – During the Bernie Briefing, he plays a clip of Donald Trump suggesting that Hilary Clinton should be in jail for her Email Controversy.  McGuirk maintains that this particular scenario would be something that BILL Clinton would like.  We can imagine Bubba visiting his wife and telling her that “Orange is the New Black…so you can be the SECOND Black President…or THIRD if you count me…”

    HILLARY AND HER NEW CELLMATE…WAIT A MINUTE…IS THAT ‘MONICA’?

    8:39:43 A.M. – Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone is on, and says that he leaves tomorrow to travel the Campaign Trail with the G.O.P. Candidates.  You don’t think he’ll have a few stories to report, do you?

    WAIT A MINUTE…THAT’S NOT…IS IT?  WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A CLIP FROM ‘GUITAR CENTER SESSIONS’

    WITH NIC HARCOURT

    AND HIS GUEST,

    LOOKING FOR PAW PAW’S PILLS,

    THE GREAT DWIGHT YOAKUM

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojsChqPbDu4

    Monday
    Jul272015

    All About Sports

    6:05:12 A.M. – The I-Man says the Opening Ceremony for the Special Olympics was “The Best Thing I’ve Ever Seen.”  And it sets the tone for the top of the show, which is all about Sports.  He says he couldn’t bring himself to watch the Pan American Games.  He’s not alone with that.  Even the people who are COMPETING in the Pan American Games aren’t watching the Pan American Games.

    THERE ARE PLENTY OF TICKETS AVAILABLE

    6:12:56 A.M. –  Warner teases a story about Reggie Jackson’s F-Word tirade, and he’s got it all on tape.  He wants to save it for the listening audience so they will ‘Keep it where it is.’   Of course, the famous Imus Attention Span requires him to play it NOW.  We suppose Warner had no choice.  Lest he inspire an I-Man F-Word tirade.

    REGGIE JACKSON LOSES HIS PATIENCE WITH A FAN

    6:20:40 A.M. – The Boss says that Warner’s microphone sounds ‘funny’.  He adjusts it so that it is level with his mouth.  “I was too tall for the Mike…”  he explains.  Which is officially the first time he’s actually been too tall for anything.  He can’t even ride the ‘Tilt – A – Whirl’ at Six Flags.

    MAYBE NEXT YEAR, WARNER

    6:35:47 A.M. During the Briefing, Bernard plays a clip of Mike Francesa ‘Weighing In’  (Pun intended) on the Colin Cowherd controversy, for a racially insensitive comment about Dominican Baseball Players.  Francesa uses the phrase “In hot water” a number of times.  We think it’s because he’s thinking about lobster.

    BETTER PUT ON A RAINCOAT AND GRAB AN UMBRELLA, BECAUSE HOT, DRAWN BUTTER IS GONNA START FLYING HERE IN A MINUTE.

    6:40:08 A.M. – Bo Dietl phones in and says that we have to be willing to give up some of our rights to have freedom. He finds a connection between the Chattanooga Recruitment Center shooting, The Boston Bomber and some of the 911 hijackers…they all attended the same Mosque.  Bo thinks the Government needs to infiltrate a tate.   We think Bo should put on a Burka and sneak in himself.  He could pass for a woman terrorist.  He’s already got the beard.

    “YEAH, I’M A MUSLIM…MY NAME’S ABBA DABBA DOO.  ALI AKBA-HATATION.”

    6:45:09 A.M. – Bo tells us that he’s got a vegetable garden out there in the Hamptons where he ‘Summers’… he’s growing tomatoes, bell peppers, hot peppers and ‘googootz’… squash.  We’re sure it’s an organic garden…seeing as how Bo is already a Vegan. 

    7:05:37 A.M.  Deirdre has given the I-Man toast and chunky peanut butter, and he’s got some of it stuck in his throat.  He’s having a hard time talking. Arsenic will do that to you. 

    IT’S BETTER THAT IT’S HIS HANDS, AND NOT DEIRDRE’S

    7:15:44 A.M. –  After hearing that ‘Ant-Man’ has won the weekend box office yet again, the Boss is shocked to learn that Tony actually SAW the movie.  “Do you still have Spider-Man sheets?” asks Bernard.  No.  He doesn’t.  They’re James Bond sheets.  And unlike yours…they’re dry.

    TONY WILL BE IN THE SEQUEL: ‘AUNT MAN’

     7:17:32 A.M. –  Imus can’t understand why Dr. Bill has not followed through after lobbying for a date with Lis Wiehl.  According to the I-Man, “You start out on 3rd Base!”   Bill must be well-acquainted with Lis from the program…and, perhaps he just doesn’t want to ‘Steal Home’.  Although, we’re pretty sure she’d ‘Walk’ him in.

    DR. BILL…THE FIRST MAN NOT TO ‘SCORE’  WE THINK THE UKELELE WAS A ‘DEALBREAKER’

    7:39:06 A.M. VINNIE FROM QUEENS starts with the, not surprising, cavity search Gunz was subjected to at the Airport coming back from Cleveland.  Finally.  He was able to use his Frequent Flier Miles for something he wanted.

    “CALL THE SUPERVISOR…I THINK WE GOT ONE…”

    7:41:33 A.M. – The I-Man asks Warner to explain the deal with DeAndre Jordan and his ‘Handshake Deal’ with Dallas Mavericks’ Mark Cuban.   Warner says he reneged on the deal, but didn’t have the class to tell ‘Shark Tank’ cast member Cuban , “I’m out.”

    “COME AWN!  IT WAS A HANDSHAKE VERBAL AGREEMENT!”

    7:45:16 A.M. – ‘Who’s the Bigger Douche’?   It’s a jump ball.  Reggie Jackson, who everybody knew was an asshole, versus Hulk Hogan, who just PROVED he’s an asshole.  In situations like these, we tend to take the most recent Douche.  In this case, Hulk Hogan.  

    “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME FOOL?” 

    8:07:34 A.M. – Imus asks Warner if he’d vote for Trump…Warner says he likes The Donald, but he hasn’t heard ‘All the Other Guys’ yet.  But he likes what Trump is doing.  We suspect that Warner may be living in one of Trump’s buildings and is looking for a little ‘Rent Control.’

    “SO…IT’S A DEAL?  400 BUCKS A MONTH?”

    8:22:11 A.M. – Warner reports the Kyle Bush won the Jeff Kyle 400 at the Brickyard in Indianapolis.  Warner also informs us that Danica Patrick finished 27, and her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse Jr. finished 35th.  Usually, Ricky finishes WAY before her.  But they’re working on that. 

    “I DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, RICKY, BUT…KYLE BUSH NEVER HAS THIS PROBLEM…”

    8:42:56 A.M. – Laura Ingraham phones in, and the first incisive, hard hitting kind of question the I-Man is known for, is “Do you like Peanut Butter?”   She says that she does, but not the organic kind that Deirdre serves her husband.  She’s a ‘Jif’ girl.  Apparently, she likes her peanut butter the way she likes her men: Processed, smooth, light brown, and spread generously.

    THE GIRL SURE DO LIKE HER PEANUT BUTTER

    8:45:09 A.M. – Laura is promoting her LifeZette, a ‘Lifestyle’ website which is like…a digital Lady’s Home Journal for Angry Conservatives.

    NO ‘ASHLEY MADISON’ KIND OF PROFILES ON THIS WEBSITE.  BUT NOT EXACTLY ‘CHRISTIAN MINGLE’ EITHER.  IT’S ‘LIFE…EXPLAINED’.  FINALLY.  WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE MEANING OF LIFE FOR YEARS

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WE HARKEN BACK TO A KINDER, GENTLER, HAPPIER TIME FOR THE HULKSTER

    https://screen.yahoo.com/fernando-hulk-hogan-mr-t-000000193.html

     “YOU LOOK…E…NORMOUS.”