6:07:00 A.M. – We begin the morning with the news that Great Britain has left the European Union. The ramifications have yet to be truly determined. We know the markets have been affected. This move could have a domino effect on the rest of the European Union. One positive note. The European Union’s overall dental health has just improved dramatically.
Britain Gives An F.U. To The E.U
6:17:27 A.M. – Warner reports that the Knicks are going after K.D. Kevin Durant. They’d have a better shot at signing K.D. Lang. Warner suspects that Durant might consider Golden State, or perhaps returning to his native Washington D. C. to play for the Caps. Um… Warner The Capitals are the hockey team. We know that Warner means The basketball team the Washington Wizards , but we have to admit that seeing Durant on ice would be cool.
Lang. The Only K.D. The Knicks Could Get
Kevin Shoots A Three Pointer. He Doesn’t Know That There Are No Three Point Shots in Hockey
6:41:16 A.M. – Vinnie From Queens featuring Warner Wolf, Connell McShane, Gunz Gunzleman , Tony Powell, Lou Rufino , and Bernard McGuirk.. The crew discuss a range of topics including last night’s NBA Draft, the aforementioned Kevin Durant, and Steph Curry’s legacy. The consensus is that Curry’s legacy is tarnished. He was the two-time MVP and got schooled by Lebron. Curry however has decided to make lemonade out of lemons. He’s writing a new book called Becoming Lebron’s Bitch. See what we did. It’s a horror story about a man and his team who lose a NBA championship after being up 3 games to one.
“You Didn’t Say Pretty Please Bitch. Tell Your Wife To Tweet That”
7:08:10 A.M. – As the hour begins we listen in as Trump begins to speak from his golf course in Turnberry, Scotland. The Brits left the E.U. It’s the biggest story in the world today. So naturally Trump, the aspiring leader of the Free World, spends 12 minutes talking about the new features of his golf course. Hey, just because the world is literally coming apart doesn’t mean that the new hole placement on the par 5, 10th isn’t worth mentioning. We have to admit that the rocks, and the ocean make for a beautiful course. Maybe Trump was using golf as a metaphor. When the world kicks you in the balls go hit a few.
C’mon. Is This This A Nice Course Or What?
7:17:16 A.M. – Warner reports that Jim Craig, goalie for the gold medal winning 1980 U.S. Olympic team recently auctioned off his goalie mask. The mask sold for 115 thousand dollars. That’s a lot of money for a mask filled with some 36 year-old dried up goalie snot. Apparently the buyer was a hockey obsessed guy with a machete obsession.
We’re Glad The Mask Found A New Home With Someone Who Will Actually Use It
7:41:16 A.M. – ESPN soccer analyst Tommy Smyth is our guest. Tommy born in Knockbridge’s County Louth, Ireland comments on the Brexit. He’s concerned that prices will go up on goods in Ireland although he points out that it will be a boon for smugglers. In fact he shares some smuggler secrets with fellow Irishman Connell McShane just in case Connell wants to get into the smuggling business. Unbeknownst to Tommy, as a middle schooler McShane was a top smuggler. He was the go to guy for number 2 pencils and Twinkies.
Ok So The Twinkies Were Hot And A Little Squished But Connell Was Able To Buy His First Car With That Money. Don’t Ask Us Where He Put The Pencils.
8:15:16 A.M. – Warner reports that former Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker has reached out, and wants to help Johnny Manziel through his troubles. Herschel feels that as a fellow member of the Heisman family it’s his obligation. Hopefully it all works out. Herschel Walker suffers from multiple personality disorder. We just hope that Walker’s other personalities are on board with Herschel’s plans. We’d hate to see one personality show up with outstretched arms, and the other six personalities beat the crap out of Johnny Football.
Johnny Better Hope This Guy Shows Up
And Not This Guy
8:40:43 A.M. – I-Fave, political analyst, and former GOP presidential candidate Pat Buchanan is our guest. Buchanan seems pleased with Britain’s exit from the E.U. He notes that Economic Nationalism, and Ethno-Nationalism are the most important forces in the world. Pat is not a globalist, and believes in isolationist policies. If it was up to him he’d lock the American door, pull down the shades, and pretend nobody is home. Essentially it is the same technique employed by the women Gunz tries to date.
OH God He’s Still There. Nobody Make A Sound
VIDEO OF THE DAY
Last Month Seth Myers Took On Brexit.
Not So Funny Now Is It?