Follow Us On

  
Recent Guests:
    Friday
    Oct312014

    Happy Halloween!

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man starts the morning gleefully, noting that “Northern Ohio is on FIRE!  They had lights, 100 foot Billboards, it was the hottest priced ticket for a Cleveland Sports event!  Of course, it was due to LeBron James’ eagerly anticipated and long –awaited return to the Cavs after leaving the Heat.  And what happened?  New York gave them an ass-whuppin!   “There is nothing better than that!” he gloats.   “The best part is they always take a shot of crowd with some grown man blubbering.”

    LEBRON WASN’T THE ONLY ONE CRYING

    6:07:14 a.m. – Imus reports that during the OTHER big sporting events yesterday, the Carolina Panthers played the New Orleans Saints, and Brant, the I-Man’s Driver, revealed that his sister and brother – law drove from South Carolina to North Carolina to go to the game.  We’re just glad they made it there on time after they took the shortcut Brant recommended that goes through Vermont.

    THE BRANT ‘SHORTCUT’.  THE GAME WAS LAST NIGHT.  THEY LEFT ON SUNDAY.  IF IT WASN’T FOR THE FERRY, THEY  MIGHT NOT HAVE MADE IT

    6:38:08 a.m. – Martha McCallum is on to discuss next week’s mid-term elections, and the I-Man expresses his severe disgust with Mitch O’Connell.  She counters with “I thought he’d be a candidate that you’d like…he’s such an animated speaker.”

    MITCH MCCONNELL.  THE MODEL FOR THE MONSTER IN “PAN’S LABYRYNTH”

    6:54:10 a.m. –  Imus is not happy with Dagen’s dress this morning. It’s a fashionable frock featuring two slits over each leg, leaving a pointed piece of black fabric in the middle.

    YOU GET THE BASIC IDEA. McHOTNESS FROM McDOWELL

    7:05:10 a.m. –  Dagen explains that she’s wearing this exotic dress because she’s flying on a plane today, and wants to have the back of her thighs covered.  Imus says she’s dressed inappropriately for flying.  Inappropriate is in the eyes of the beholder.  One man’s ‘inappropriate’ is another man’s entry into the ‘Spank Bubble.’  Apparently, Ms. McDowell is fearful of the previous passenger’s butt in her seat, leaving behind some ‘Booty Juice’.  Um…we just hope it isn’t ‘Fresh Squeezed.’

     

    “IF YOUR ASS IS DRAGGIN’ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, AND YOU JUST CAN’T KEEP GOIN’, TRY SOME ‘BOOTY JUICE’.  IT’LL PICK YOU RIGHT UP”

     

    7:15:30 a.m. –  “I like all of Taylor Swift’s records, she just can’t sing, that’s all.” Imus waxes Pop Musically, completely missing the point.  She doesn’t HAVE to sing.  That girl is finer than the hair’s on a frog’s behind.  Although, Swift is no Megan Trainor.  “Now that girl can sing.”  The I-Man states.   Good for her that it’s ‘All About That Bass’, cos’ the girl sure do got a LOT of it.  Trainor could USE a trainer.

    NO TREBLE HERE

    7:32:10 a.m. –  VINNIE FROM QUEENS    Starts off with a particularly snippy moment with our Teddy Bear Stage Manager, Nat Candido, who has dressed up for Halloween as ‘Fat Imus’.  He’s got a cowboy hat, glasses, and a plaid shirt with a pillow stuffed under it, begging the question, “Why if you’re already pleasingly plump, would you need a pillow?”  That’s like Pamela Anderson dressing up like Dolly Parton and feeling the need to stuff her bra.  It’d be like Tony going to a Halloween Party as Eddie Murphy in blackface.  Yes, we know that would be  inappropriate.  A more appropriate costume would be if Rob dressed up as ‘Fat Forest Gump’.

     EDDIE MURPHY IN WHITEFACE GOING AS ‘NED FLANDERS’.  OFFENSIVE, BECAUSE HE SHOULD’VE USED YELLOW FACE

    8:06:32 a.m. –  Dagen reports that the ‘Blurred Lines’/ ‘Got To Give It Up case is going to trial.  The heirs to the Marvin Gaye estate claim that Robin Thicke and Pharrell stole their father’s song.  The jury will have to look at both songs in sheet music form and determine if there is, in fact, a copyright violation.

     

    WE DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MUSIC, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE MARVIN GAYE’S CLASSIC HAS MANY MORE LITTLE BLACK DOTS THAN THE ROBIN THICKE DITTY

    8:16:16 a.m. –  He spoke about it earlier, but he brings up the subject again.  The I-Man can’t find his Guns’n’Roses T-Shirt, his newly obtained Dwight Yoakam T-Shirts or his Zip Up Hoodie from ProRodeo Gear.   Now, he’s got to go down to the Housing Works charity where he graciously donated the extra 94 shirts he received from Dwight.   They will now be worn by Homeless Aids Patients.  We just hope he doesn’t wear his new Army Jacket when he does.  They might try to convince him to stay.

    “HEY STUPID…I DON’T NEED TO STAY HERE…I HAVE A LIMO OUT FRONT.”

    “SURE YOU DO, POPS.  JUST GO, WITH THE NICE LADY HERE, TO YOUR ROOM”

    8:26:52 a.m. –  Happy Birthday to Richard ‘Kinky’ ‘Big Dick’ Friedman, who will turn 70 years old tomorrow, (But he reads at a 75 year old’s level)  Earlier, the Boss played Kinky’s cover of ‘Lover Please’ that was re-mixed for the Imus Ranch record, and has just played ‘Something Wrong With The Beaver’.    Which is about ‘Leave it to Beaver’…because, as the Kinkster would probably say, “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little beaver.”   I like it here!  Imus, BE my friend!

    KINKY  WITH A CELEBRATORY NATAL ANNIVERSARY CIGAR AND GLASS OF SCOTCH.  (NOTE: “NATAL ANNIVERSARY”  IS NOT THE BRAND OF THE CIGAR)

    8:34:68 a.m. –    Carl Cameron, Fox News Channel’s Washington – based chief political correspondent, is in to talk about the election this coming Tuesday.  We aren’t as interested in that as we are in whether or not he’s seen Monica Lewinsky hanging around the Library of Congress, looking up articles concerning ‘Stain Removal Tips From Common Garments’.  You know, just in case she should ever need that information again.  Carl, apparently, is a big Tupac Shakur fan, as ‘California Love’ is one of his 5 favorite songs.

    C -DUB HANGIN’ WITH HIS HOMIES, BIGGIE AND 2PAC ,

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    THE ORIGINAL ‘BOOTY JUICE’

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFibPY0J3I0 

    AND ITS’ INEVITABLE RIP-OFF, ‘BOOTY SWEAT’

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFxsWonqh2Q

    CLEARLY, THERE’S  A COPYRIGHT CASE HERE

    Thursday
    Oct302014

    The Right Way and the Wrong Way

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man begins the program with high praise for San Francisco Pitcher Madison Bumgarner, who came in during the 5th inning, and wound up winning the World Series for the Giants, as well as MVP.  Imus makes the observation that most of the great pitchers were left handed.  Not that this is entirely true, but Warner agrees for the most part.  There are some great Southpaws.  Sandy Koufax, Warren Spahn, Whitey Ford.  And, as you might expect, ‘Lefty’ Grove.  Not too much is made of the best Ambidextrous Pitchers of All Time, a list that includes the Giants’ Shozo Yokinari and Moxie Manuel , not to mention, Pat Venditte of the Yankees.  And, of course, Jim Abbott, who pitched a No-Hitter, completely bereft of a right hand.  That’s our new definition for ‘Playing Hurt’.

    JIM ABBOTT.  ONE- HANDER WHO THREW A NO-HITTER.  WE’RE WAITING FOR THE ONLY ‘NO-HANDED’ PITCHER.  NOW THAT’S REALLY IMPRESSIVE.

    6:07:14 a.m. –The Boss takes a moment to apologize to the Pro-Rodeo Gear dot com guy, after ordering some sweatshirts, with two-day delivery, and didn’t receive them on Tuesday as he had expected.  He railed about it on Thursday’s Show, and, of course, it arrived on Wednesday, and Tommy the Doorman had signed for it, neglecting to inform the I-Man of its delivery.  The fine print states that the Two Day Delivery is two days from the moment the item is shipped.   Uh oh.  The I-Man could have worn the sweatshirt while he was ranting about not receiving it.  In fact, he had the opportunity to wear it, take it to the cleaners, and then rant about them using not enough starch.

    NOW THAT’S A SWEATSHIRT WORTH WAITING FOR

    6:14:36 a.m. – Dagen’s business report informs us that the automobile safety industry is changing with the times, as they are now using morbidly obese Crash Test Dummies.  The used to be 167 pounds, they’ve since raised the weight limit to 273.  Which seems to us to be pointless.  Because a 270 pound person doesn’t sit exactly BEHIND the wheel.   It’s like their air bag has already gone off.

    LOOKS LIKE HE CRASHED INTO A DRIVE THRU AT BURGER KING

    6:38:08 a.m. – Juan Williams, another I-Fave, is on, and he and the Boss ‘Talk Baseball’.  Juan is a big Washington Nationals fan, but he had high praise for Bruce Bochy, the Giants’ manager for saving their stud pitcher, Madison Bumgarner to come into the last part of the game, so as to save it.  They also ‘Talk Quarantine’.  We, on the other hand, started Juan this morning, and saved Charlie Gasparino to save the show in the last hour.  Although Gasparino does appear to be the kind of guy you would want to keep in Quarantine.

    CHARLIE GASPARINO.  NOT SO MUCH ‘QUARANTINE’ AS ‘SOLITARY CONFINEMENT’

    7:13:26 a.m. –  Lis Wiehl emails the I-Man with the legality of whether or not you can Quarantine someone against their will.  Clearly it’s not legal, or the I-Man would be doing the show from a plastic bubble.

    LIS WIEHL.  SHE KNOWS A FEW THINGS ABOUT INFECTIOUS DISEASES…      (DON’T WORRY, LIS, A SHOT OF PENICILLIN WILL CLEAR THAT RIGHT UP)

    7:07:14 a.m. –   The I-Man wanted a couple of Dwight Yoakam T-Shirts, for he and Wyatt.  Dwight sent 100.  The Boss only wanted a couple, so he took the rest to ‘The Housing Works’, a great charity on the West Side that provides shelter and medical treatment for those less than fortunate who also have AIDS.  Because there’s nothing that a person staring death in the face appreciates more than a Dwight Yoakam T-Shirt.

    IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T APPRECIATE IT, BUT I WOULD’VE MUCH RATHER GOTTEN A BOWL OF SOUP

    7:13:26a.m. –  “Have you seen Chris Berman lately?  He looks horribly unhealthy.”  The Boss is concerned about the beloved Sportscaster. 

      THOSE AREN’T BAGS UNDER HIS EYES. THEY’RE STEAMER TRUNKS.

    7:32:10 a.m. –  MENSA MEETING  Among the many topics are mandatory Ebola Quarantines, Airplanes with no windows, and Catcalls.  Gunz is the victim of Catcalls.  Every woman he looks at calls him a ‘Pussy’.  The biggest bone of contention is between Bernard and Gunz and Deirdre over Taylor Swift being named the first Global Welcome Ambassador for New York City.  Bernard is a fan of the sweet, talented woman, while Deirdre and Gunz argue that there about 1000 people better suited for the position.  Alan wonders what she’s going to do:  “Stand by the Holland Tunnel and welcome people as they come in?”   Um…Alan.  That’s a different kind of welcome.  But if Taylor were to do that, she’d have a rather enormous number of gentlemen that would serve as inspiration for a catalogue of songs that would make her more prolific than the Beatles.

    TAYLOR, WELCOMING TOURISTS.  ‘GIVE US YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR, YOUR HUDDLED MASSES YEARNING FOR ANOTHER ALBUM.’

    8:06:32 a.m. – The I-Man promos Charlie Gasparino, who Dagen says is “A Beefcake…a little sweaty sometimes, but a Beefcake.”  She informs us that Charlie is covering the really nasty divorce case of a Wall Street Tycoon and his wife, and, according to her, there are some really disgusting details.  “Tell me! Tell me!  Tell me!”  says the Boss, excited at the prospect of some sleazy sex stories..  Dagen says “It involves Defecation.”   Ohhhh!   Imus says “You didn’t have to give me THAT detail.”  Connell offers that the story includes Cocaine use and  Threesomes…which is what the I-Man was looking for in the first place.  Although sex with Imus usually involves post-coital defecation.

    IT’S BEHAVIOR THAT IS DE RIGUEUR WITH CANINES…AND WALL STREET TYPES.

    8:16:16 a.m. –  During the break, Lou plays ‘I Put A Spell On You’.  However, not the Screamin’ Jay Hawkins version…the Creedence Clearwater Revival Version.  “If you’re gonna be playin’ that song, you can’t be playin’ the White Man’s version.  It’s like Pat Boone covering Tutti Frutti.”   The White man’s version of a singing black man?  That would be Elvis.

    “CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL?  CREEDENCE MUTHAF#@KIN’ REVIVAL?  YOU GOTTA BE S#!TTIN’ ME!”

    8:28:56a.m. - Back in the Green Room, Charlie Gasparino remarks that with his hair and facial expression, the I-Man resembles ‘Rocky Dennis’.  The young boy who was the subject of the movie ‘Mask’.  Quite frankly, we don’t see the resemblance.

     

    NO COMPARISON. ROCKY’S HAIR HAS MORE BOUNCE AND SHINE.  HE’S ALSO ‘HAPPY’

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Charlie Gasparino comes on and speaks about Governor Chris Christie, and makes the observation that you can’t act like a tough guy with goon bodyguards behind you.  Which is quite a statement coming from a man who looks like he’s a soldier in the Bonnano Crime Family.  No disrespect.  But you can definitely see him sitting in front of a social club drinking an espresso.

    “HEY CHARLIE…YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA TAKE CARE O’THAT… ‘THING’.  DON’T MAKE ME ASK YOU TWICE.  AND MAKE SURE THE GUY DON’T DEFECTATE IN HIS PANTS THIS TIME.

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    See for yourselves. ‘I Put A Spell On You’

    Done the Right Way

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orNpH6iyokI 

     

     

    And the Wrong Way

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeXqtzusIU0 

     

    And while we’re at it,

    Tutti Frutti

     

    The Right Way

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdwRFJvTp-k

     

     

     

    And…

    The Wrong Way

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAwBa8Pqi6Y 

    THIS OFFICIALLY KNOCKS HIS VERSION OF ‘AIN’T THAT A SHAME’ OUT OF THE NUMBER ONE SPOT OF  ‘THE 1000 WORST SONGS EVER RECORDED’

    Wednesday
    Oct292014

    Kale Chips and Candy

    6:05:10 a.m. –    After his weekend Texas Sojourn, and a sick day yesterday, where the I-Man suffered from vomiting, fever, diarrhea, and, what he claims, is just an eyelash in his eye, (it hasn’t started bleeding yet) he begins the program:  “Does everybody have Ebola yet?”   We certainly hope he doesn’t.  He will NEVER stop talking about it.

    THE NEW POSTER BOY FOR MONONEGAVIROLES FILOVIRIDAE

    6:07:14 a.m. – Bernard sounds nasally this morning, as, over his birthday this past weekend, he over-indulged, smoking many different substances.  Imus asks him if he received the gift he sent via Fed Ex.  Ahhh, we love that story.  As we have over year after year…after f#@king year.  It’s a classic.   In fact, when he first starting doing this joke, the Boss would blame the Pony Express.

    “GOTTA GET THIS BIRTHDAY CAKE TO GENERAL GRANT…”

    6:38:08 a.m. – Judge Andrew Napolitano is on.  He seems surprised that Imus asks the same questions he did the last time.  You’re lucky, Judge Andy.  At least he didn’t throw the ‘Mama T’ story at you.  The I-Man can’t remember what he had for breakfast…while he’s eating it.   The Judge is concerned about Chris Christie’s violation of the Civil Liberties of a nurse who returned from Africa after treating Ebola patients…and was placed in a parking lot in a completely sealed plastic tent, and given a bucket to pee and poop in.  The Boss doesn’t see what the big deal is, as he’s gone to the bathroom in many a public place. 

    LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, NURSE HICKOX…YOU CAN PRETEND YOU’RE GOING CAMPING.

    7:08:26 a.m. – Warner ‘Treetops’ the upcoming sports report…with another sports report.  He mentions tonight’s World Series Game in Kansas City, and says that in the last nine of all the Seven Game Series, the Home Team has won.   The I-Man says “It doesn’t matter if you love baseball or not…you gotta watch this.”  Of course, this is coming from a man who watched them weigh fish…because it was a ‘Live Sporting Event on T.V.’

    TOO BAD THE FINAL GAME OF THE SERIES ISN’T AT MCCOVEY COVE IN FRISCO.  YOU COULD WATCH GAME 7, CATCH A FOUL BALL…AND A FISH

    7:07:14 a.m. – Connell reads a HORRIFYING story about a Murder / Suicide, wherein a Long Island Woman who was beheaded, and then her son threw himself in front of a Ronkonkoma Bound L.I.R.R. train.  The I-Man protests, as he’s trying to eat his bran muffin.  We assume it’s to keep him regular.  Bigfoot could have run a photo of the headless woman, and it would have the same effect.  Connell then says that he has a better story to follow, causing Imus to declare “ANY story you read after that one would be better.”  Like a report about a bag of dead puppies at an orphanage.

    ONE GOOD THING…SHE SAVES A LOT ON HATS

    7:011:22 a.m. – Connell then reports that a 10 year old Jersey boy has been admitted to Mensa.  We are confused.  Gunz is already a part of the panel.

    GUNZ AND SOMEBODY WHO ALSO WOULD NOT BE ADMITTED TO THE REAL MENSA.  THEY’RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED IN TACO BELL

    7:32:10 a.m. –  BLONDE ON BLONDE, or as we like to call it:  “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”? 

    DEIRDRE ‘BITCH SLAPS’ LIS.  (WHO’S IN A WHEELCHAIR AS A RESULT OF HER LAST BEATING…AND BTW, HER ROOTS ARE SHOWING REAL BAD)

    7:36:24 a.m. – The I-Man asks if, seeing as how there’s only ONE confirmed Ebola patient in the United States, if we can all just relax now.  Deirdre says absolutely, it’s all just hysteria.   Psyche.  The girl done gone Buhzoik again.   She won’t relax until…they put a one of those paper strips across the country like they do over the toilets at the Holiday Inn

    THE UNITED STATES:  ‘SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION’.

    7:44:08a.m. – With Halloween coming up this weekend, the Boss tells of a family in Vermont that plans on distributing Kale to the Trick Or Treaters.   D-Woman treats Halloween like it’s the Ebola Holiday refusing to give out candy, substituting healthy, organic treats instead.  Good thing they’re at the Penthouse this weekend…if they were at the House, it would be egged, ‘T.P.’ed and a bag of dog feces would be burned on the porch.  Lis defends the distribution of 3 Musketeers M&Ms and Kit Kats…which Deirdre says contributes to Childhood Obesity, Juvenile Diabetes, and Cancer.  Conditions which, for most 8 year olds, are a risk they’re willing to take for a Snickers Bar.

    “I KNOW YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED, KIDS…BUT MAMA WILL GIVE THAT KALE TO THE PARAKEET WHILE YOU COME BACK AND EGG THIS HOUSE.”

    8:06:32 a.m. –  “I don’t think I’m gonna get Ebola, and I don’t think you are either…but I do know some people…that do.”   Hmmmm.  Lupica?

    THE BLOODY EYES WERE A DEAD GIVEAWAY

    8:13:16 a.m. –  Dagen has a business story about those who “Can’t get that taco in your mouth fast enough.”   It’s a Smart Phone App from Taco Bell, allowing you to  order online.  Whew!  We were thinking about an ENTIRELY different Taco.  Of course, she could’ve used the word ‘Burrito’, ‘Flauta’ or ‘Chimichanga’, and gotten the same effect.  Although a woman is much more likely to put a ‘Burrito’ in her mouth than men.  Unless, of course, you’re married.

    PRELIMINARY REPORTS INDICATE THAT THE NEW APP WILL MAKE YOUR NEW, SLIM, IPHONE SIX PLUS, MUCH MUCH FATTER

    8:38:14 a.m. –  The GREAT Dick Cavett, (and we do not use that word lightly)  is here to promote his new book Brief Encounters:  Conversations, Magic Moments, and Assorted Hijinks.  He relates that Marlon Brando was from Nebraska, as well as Fred Astaire.  Marlon Brando was from F#@KING NEBRASKA?  A F#@KING CORN HUSKER?   Given his bizarre behavior in his later days, we just assumed he was from Mars.

    ASTAIRE AND BRANDO.  INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, IT WAS NOT THE FIRST, NOR THE LAST TIME, HE WORE A DRESS

    8:46:00 a.m. – The fascinating Mr. Cavett and the I-Man discuss the great Jonathan Winters, a gentleman of whom, both  are enormous fans.  Cavett is in awe of Jonathan’s ability to slip between characters within seconds…one minute a Chinese Philosopher, the next, an Old Lady.  This prowess in Multiple Personalities is very common at the Imus Residence.  Especially when Deirdre’s blood sugar is low.

    THE THREE FACES OF THE D-WOMAN

    (WE HAD TO USE COURTNEY LOVE FOR A REALLY UGLY PICTURE OF DEIRDRE)

     

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    SOME UNFORTUNATE, AND TASTELESS, HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

    (You will definitely need to X-Ray your bag of candy if you wear these)

     

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVqGOTFBaTU 

    Thursday
    Oct232014

    Where Are the Pitt Bulls?

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man has received a promotion.  He is now Generalissimo J.D. Imus.  Of the New Liberation Front.   !Viva La Causa!   Free Huey!  Tony tells him that “The Rebels are 10 miles outside of the city.  We can have you on a plane to Miami in 20 minutes, if you’d like to leave now, sir.”

    WITH THAT HAIR…HE’S LIKELY TO BE COURT-MARSHALLED

    6:07:14 a.m. – Connell reads the news report out of Sayreville, where the cancelled Football Season has not stopped the Marching Band, who will continue playing without there being a game.  Isn’t that what you call practice?   The NFL got wind of the situation and seeing as how they have experience marching with nobody in the stands, has offered them a gig to do half time at Jets Games.

    “THIS IS ONE OF OUR MORE FAMOUS FORMATIONS…THE ‘PILE OF DIRT’.”

    6:07:59 a.m. – The I-Man was hoping for a Giants sweep, so that everyone who traveled to Kansas City to root for their long-suffering Royals.  However, they broke a 2/2 tie last night with 5 more runs.  And so now, he’s a staunch K.C. fan.  That is, until they go to San Francisco on Friday and lose to the Giants, that is, if history has told us anything…not about the Royals…but about the I-Man’s Team Loyalty. 

    6:07:14 a.m. –  The story on the White House Fence Jumper has left Dagen… ‘unsympathetic’, to say the least, to the Secret Service for allowing the nut job to break into the grounds and proceed to beat up the guard dogs.  Which, we are sure, was quite a surprise…to the dogs.   “Shoot him in the face!” she offers.  WE hope she doesn’t mean the dog.  “Nobody will ever do it again.”  Oh.  Well, okay then.  You’re right.  Nobody WOULD do it again.  Certainly not that guy. 

    WE’RE ACTUALLY THE ONES WHO ARE SURPRISED…THE DOG WAS, AFTER ALL,  A BOXER

     6:38:08 a.m. – Just before Bret Baier, the I-Man says that he’s ordered stuff from Pro Rodeo Gear, and usually gets it ‘Overnight Air’.  This time, he ordered sweatshirts for he and Wyatt, and did ‘2nd Day Air’, because he didn’t necessarily need them in his typical alcoholic instant gratification way.  However:   “What they don’t tell you, is that it’s 2 days AFTER it’s shipped.”  Unacceptable.  To log a complaint on behalf of the I-Man, please call the people at Pro Rodeo Gear.

    1-877-242-4944

    Don’t be afraid to make multiple calls.  It’s toll-free.

    (Which, of course, they will have to pay for)

    6:46:16 a.m. – “I know we’re talking about a lot of serious stuff,”  Imus says to Bret Baier after discussing the break-in at the White House grounds and the Terror Attack in Ottawa, “…but you don’t seem all that happy to be talking to me.”    Boy, you can’t put anything past the I-Man.  The Boss mentions to Baier that, when you watch the news, it seems like “The wheels are coming off the world.”  Well…yeah.  You turn on the news, what do you expect?  “Our top story tonight…everything’s copacetic!  It’s all good.  How are things on your end?”

    THIS ‘HAPPY CASTER’ TAKES A NAP WAITING FOR SOME BAD NEWS TO REPORT

    7:10:26 a.m. –  The normally ‘Patient to a Fault’  I-Man plays Aretha Franklin’s cover of Chaka Khan’s and Whitney Houston’s ‘I’m Every Woman’, because she drops a little ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T.’ in the middle.  “C’mon…let’s get to the Respect Part.” He says to Aretha…and we fear he thinks she can hear him.  She’s obviously not ‘Every Woman’.  She’s not even a woman who can sing this song.  C.O.N.T.E.M.P.T.   Find out what it means to me.

    SHE’S NOT EVERY WOMAN.  BUT THERE’S AT LEAST 3 IN THERE

    7:32:10 a.m. –  THE MENSA MEETING  We wonder what’s the Over/Under on how long until the first EBOLA reference is made.  The smart money is ‘On the way into the studio.’

    DEIRDRE, GUNZ, ALAN COLMES AND BERNARD HEAD INTO THE STUDIO FOR ‘THE MENSA MEETING’

    7:41:24 a.m. – “WHERE ARE THE PIT BULLS?”  Deirdre wants to know, so incensed is she by the ineptitude of the Secret Service at the White House.  Pit Bulls?  Well, there’s one sitting across from her on the panel.   In the middle of her tirade, she interrupts Bernard, (“The only one on the panel who makes sense” in the I-Man’s view)  to say that “Dagen has NEVER looked better.  She is…HOT!”   Okay, now we are too.  A little ‘Blonde on Brunette’ action?  Or as we like to call it, ‘Betty and Veronica in a Pile.’

    ‘DOUBLE DIGEST’?  ALL WE SEE ARE DOUBLE D’S.

    7:43:17 a.m. – “Gunz should not be allowed to vote.  Gunz should not be allowed to have MONEY.”  The I-Man appears somewhat on the fence about Mr. Gunzelman.  “And you will never in your life have sex with any woman who looks as good as Dagen.”   Whew!  That’s one image we can remove from our ‘Spank Bubbles’.

    GUNZ SHOWS OFF HIS NEW HAIRCUT.  HE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN

    7:47:56 a.m. – “When did you EVER look YOUNG?  Except in your baby pictures!  When you were TEN you looked old!”  Deirdre, with a harsh assessment of her loving husband.

    THE I-TOT:  “EVERYBODY SAY…BAYYYYYYBEEEEEE!”

    8:06:32 a.m. –  Connell reports that Oscar Pistorius cried himself to sleep in prison.  Probably because they took away those Venetian Blinds he has for feet.  At least he was able to GO to sleep.  Most 1st time jailbirds cry…and are AFRAID to sleep.  Because their cellmate is ‘spooning’ them. 

    “HEY PISTORIUS.  WHICH ONE WOULD YOU RATHER BE?  THE HUSBAND?  OR THE WIFE?  THE HUSBAND?  OKAY, GOOD CHOICE.  NOW,  WHY DON’T YOU COME OVER HERE AND LET YOUR WIFE PUT HER PENIS IN YOU?”

    8:07:11 a.m. –  Connell reports on the two Dallas nurses who were infected with Ebola…which leads the I-Man to believe that they’re still in Dallas.  They’re not in Dallas, in fact,  one was in Atlanta, the other in Bethesda.  “Stop making mistakes” he tells Connell.  “Brett Baier doesn’t make mistakes, Connell.”  “Oh really?” Connell says.  “I guess we’ll have to DVR his newscast and monitor him for 21 days.”   Pretty feisty for Connell.  Charles would never make a mistake like that.  Of course, Charles couldn’t figure out how to program a DVR either!

    THE ONLY MISTAKE CHARLES MADE WAS…NOT GETTING OUT SOONER

    8:38:14 a.m. –   The legendary Record Producer and Music Impresario, Clive Davis is here to promote his latest project, Aretha Franklin’s new album ‘Aretha Franklin Sings the Great Diva Classics’.   It’s a hit, obviously, not just because the songs are great, or that Aretha is great…it’s because…it’s a Clive Davis project.  And with Clive Davis…failure is not an option.

    DESPITE HIS POSITION AS A MAN OF GREAT POWER, HE PROVES THE ADAGE THAT ‘THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE NICER THEY ARE.’  EXCEPT, OF COURSE FOR VAN MORRISON.  (WHO CLIVE DAVIS NEVER DID A RECORD WITH, BY THE WAY)

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    OUT OF THESE THREE GUARD DOGS…PICK THE ONE WHO COULD WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE

     

    “DON’T WORRY…I GOT YOUR BARK…I MEAN…BACK.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXR_CYKcyr4

    Wednesday
    Oct222014

    In Honor of George Carlin Way

    6:05:10 a.m. –    The I-Man and Nat have a warm and fuzzy moment:  Imus calls him a ‘Fat, Hairy Bitch’, and Mr. Candido refers to the Boss as ‘An Old, Smelly Skank’.  Why so much love in the studio?  It’s Wednesday.

    NAT CANDIDO:  DARWIN WAS RIGHT

    6:07:14 a.m. – Yesterday, Imus went to New York Hospital to get some blood drawn, somewhat ironic, considering he’s usually the one sucking the blood out of people.  Because that’s how the undead…stay undead.

    “JOSEPH ABBOUD MADE THIS OUTFIT…AND I’M THE ONE WHO SUCKS?”

    6:09:18 a.m. – After being at the hospital, and knowing he was basically in a Human Germ Car Wash, the Boss doesn’t want guests shaking his hands, hugging him, or trying to touch him.  As if that was the first thing they think of doing when they meet him.  After one of his mental patient coughing fits, there isn’t a swimming pool of Purell large enough to kill the bacteria.

    “IT’S ALMOST COMPLETELY SCRUBBED, MRS. IMUS! YOU CAN REFILL IT WITH WATER NOW.”

    6:38:13 a.m. –  Contributing Editor to Vanity Fair and author,  Vicky Ward, a lovely British Woman with a great voice, has written a book called ‘Liar’s Ball’.  It’s a gripping story…about a building.   New York Real Estate, and the Egotistical Power Brokers, you know, all that fun stuff.  The I-Man has a little difficulty getting Ms. Ward to tell him who owned the building, and who owns it now…instead, she launches into a synopsis of the book, knowing that he hasn’t read it, and there’s no way in hell he is going to.  What we want to know is… ‘Who owns the book?’  ‘I don’t know.’  Third Base.

    IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU EXPERIENCE BUILDING ENVY

    7:05:11 a.m. –  The I-Man couldn’t watch the World Series last night.  “I just don’t care who wins.”  That is, until San Francisco is on a three game winning streak.  Then ‘His Team’ will become the World Champions. 

    THIS MAN DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE WORLD SERIES EITHER, ALTHOUGH,  HE IS SOMEWHAT  INTERESTED IN ‘BATS’ AND ‘BALLS’…

    7:09:18 a.m. –  Chris Quintana, reporter for The New Mexican… (“Nice kid…but lazy, sloppy and a terrible reporter.”)  interviewed the I-Man for about 10 minutes and then askED, “Is this really Imus?”   We understand his doubt, as the Boss, up until then,  hadn’t called him fat and stupid.  Chris is not the greatest researcher…he says that in 2007 Imus was let go from MSNBC and WFAN…but now “Makes his program available on Podcast.”   Um…yah.  Way to go, ‘Scoop’.  We think Quintana’s responsible for the death of Ben Bradlee.  Who, by the way, is currently doing the horizontal mambo in his coffin at the state of journalism today, as illustrated by this pinhead from the New Mexican. 

    THE I-MAN BROADCASTING HIS ‘PODCAST’ CALLED  ‘77 WABC’

    7:15:30a.m. –  Connell reports that there are Teen Girls trying to join ISIS.  Those will be some pretty interesting Tweets.

    7:41:24 a.m. – BLONDE ON BLONDE   The ladies argue about a number of topics, however, as usual, we tuned out during the din, but our ears did prick up when the topic of Breast Cancer  was introduced, and the I-Man asked Deirdre and Lis if they examine their own breasts.  Um…as in… Lis examines Deirdre’s, and Deirdre examines Lis’?   Or is that too much to hope for?   But could we get a couple of pictures anyway?  You know,  for those of us who are ‘Health Conscious’? 

    WE OFFER OUR SERVICES AS INSPECTORS

    7:46:02 a.m. – The Boss asks Deirdre, a Catholic, what she thinks about the Pope’s stance on Gay Marriage.  He mentions that Father Jonathan Morris isn’t a big fan of the practice, and asks the two of them know Father Jonathan.  Lis says “Yes. He’s part of our Threesome.’  

    THE I-MAN IS OBVIOUSLY MR. ROPER

    8:06:32 a.m. –  After reporting the sad news a few times earlier on, Ben Bradlee…is still dead.  The I-Man says that “He’s in a better place.”  Really?  A 6x3 wooden box under half a ton of dirt?    Too soon?  Perhaps.  93, and he went (snap) ‘Just like that!’

    BENNY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

    8:16:16 a.m. –  During Dagen’s business report, she does a story about a new type of underwear, that protects your junk from being exposed to cell-phone radiation.  And we thought ‘Butt Dialing’ was a problem.  As we have learned from Anthony Weiner…your penis and cell phones should never be near each other.

    OF COURSE, IF YOUR PHONE IS SHAPED LIKE A PENIS…THAT’S A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER

    8:38:14 a.m. –  Comedy Royalty is here…Patrick Carlin, brother of the late, great, LEGENDARY George Carlin, is here to promote the naming of a street in Morningside Heights in honor of his brother.  ‘George Carlin Way’ will be on 121st and Amsterdam Avenue…and we believe that all the graffiti on that block will feature the ‘7 Words You Can’t Say On Television.’  

    A GRAFFITI PORTRAIT OF COMEDY JESUS

    8:46:00 a.m. – Patrick says it’s “All about the music, man.”  And so he’s provided a number of 5 Favorite Song Lists:  A Stoner List, a Texas List, A New York City List, and a ‘Best of Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute’ list, which, we think, he came up with while he was ‘researching’ the stoner list.

    PATRICK CARLIN, ON THE IMUS PROGRAM,

     PATRICK CARLIN: THE ‘FARMER’

    AND WITH HIS BROTHER…

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    IN HONOR OF THE DEDICATION OF ‘GEORGE CARLIN WAY’

    A CLIP THAT SHOWS WHY THIS GENIUS IS STILL CELEBRATED

      

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo