6:07:00 A.M. – As is his custom, the I-Man is off this Friday. Connell McShane has on his big boy pants today as he’s hosting the program. It’s a snowy morning here in New York City. Unlike the I-Man, who in days of yore might have had to read school closings, Connell is grateful that responsibility hasn’t fallen on him as he would have delegated that responsibility to Gunz. Gunzelman would no doubt proceed to mispronounce every school name in the city leading to thousands of kids in a state of panic over being marked absent from schools that don’t even exist. Just a heads up kids. If you go to Adlai Stevenson High School, but you hear Gunz say that Adele Stevenson is closed, it’s the same place. Enjoy your day off.
M…M…..Mu….Ma…. Jesus, just sound it out Simple Jack. It’s one of the five boroughs and it rhymes with Tan Patton
6:15:07 A.M. – Connell plays a clip of Jeb Bush’s moms, Barbara Bush, stumping for him on the campaign trail in New Hampshire. She attempts to list all of the reasons why you should vote for Jeb. We don’t think that noting that Jeb can reach the top shelf in the kitchen, tie his own shoes, and never farts at the dinner table is going to be enough to get him over the top in New Hampshire. Poor Mrs. Bush. . Even O.J.’s moms feel bad for her.
Girlfriend, I know just how you feel. I’d tried telling them that O.J. was a good boy and …well…. but I’m sure your boy Jeb will do just fine. All he murdered was his campaign
6:17:27 A.M. – Warner reports a story that causes us all to cross our legs. San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili was apparently kneed in the groin. The shot was so severe that Manu will be out for a month following surgery on his yam bag. It seems that the surgeon had to retrieve it, and separate it from Manu’s Adam’s apple. The good news is that Ginobili will be first soprano at The Met while he recovers.
When life hits you in the lemons
6:42:54 A.M – Vinnie From Queens starring Warner Wolf, Connell McShane, Lou Rufino, Gunz Gunzleman Bernard McGuirk, Tony Powell, begins with our Super Bowl 50 predictions. Warner has us all pick scores, the over-under, the winner, the loser, and this week’s lottery numbers. Warner takes picking football games very seriously. Warner was very careful with his pick. He used a slide rule, and an abacus to predict a 27-23 Panthers victory over the Broncos, however he notes that the Broncos will cover the point spread, thereby giving those that gambled on the Broncos, and took the 6 points and the over a win. Jesus Warner flip a fu*king coin next time.
So then you take the cosine, solve for X, and then convert that into a fraction, and that’s the best way to pick heads, or tails
7:15:43 A.M. – During Warner’s sports report he mentions that L.A. Laker star Kobe Bryant had 27 points last night following a 38 point night on his previous game. Warner says that Kobe, who has been notoriously bad this year, is back from the dead. It is a surprise to us as we didn’t even know that Kobe was sick. Is Warner saying that Kobe has been resurrected like Jesus, or is he saying that Kobe is the walking dead? If Kobe is a zombie that may explain his scoring surge. It’s easier to score because nobody really wants to guard a zombie.
Hit me I’m Open!
7:42:33 A.M. – Democratic Strategist and Fox News contributor Julie Roginsky is our guest. She’s on to discuss last night’s Democratic Debate. She offers some insights on the Democratic side. Roginsky says that Hillary is hurt because she doesn’t seem genuine. Well young lady, just because the “Roilex” you bought from the African gentleman with the suitcase on the street isn’t genuine doesn’t mean that it can’t keep time. At least Hillary’s laugh isn’t fa… okay…it’s a little phony, but we’re sure this email thing is on the up and up, and landing under Bosnian sniper fire has made her one tough lady.
Does Hillary wear a pantsuit? Of course it’s a real Rolex
8:15:53 A.M. – Warner put’s Jeb Bush’s campaign into perspective as only Warner Wolf can. Connell again reports that Barbara Bush is campaigning for her son Jeb leading Warner to observe, “If you have to bring your mother in as a character witness …you lost”. Boom drop the mike.
New Hampshire I just want you to know that my Sonny boy is a fine, upstanding citizen. He’s number one in my heart
8:40:53 A.M. – Local New Hampshire news reporter Paul Steinhauser of NH1 is our guest. He’s on to give us a battle scene layout of the New Hampshire primary campaign. Paul gives us an interesting insight into New Hampshire voters. Apparently they make up their minds about the candidates that they’ll support, very late in the process. Hopefully they won’t make a decision next Wednesday as the primary is being held next Tuesday. That seems to be Jeb’s problem. The voters will make up their minds about him after the election.
Hey New Hampshire, Guess What Day It Is
VIDEO OF THE DAY
This weekend is Super Bowl Sunday. It’s Super Bowl 50. Just in case you aren’t motivated to watch the game we thought we’d remind you of the reason why this unofficial national holiday is one of the best