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Deirdre's Corner

Don't forget to catch Deirdre on Blonde on Blonde, Wednesdays at 7:35am and Psychos, Thursday at 7:35am on Imus in the Morning! 
 

 

 Healthy Halloween Fun: By Deirdre Imus, Fall is arguably the most exciting time of year, every year. For some, it’s the increasingly chilly air, gorgeous scenery, and juicy apples, followed by a smattering of beloved holidays celebrated with family and friends. For others, it’s all about one special day in particular.

 Celebrating 15 Years Protecting Children's Health & the Environment

 The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center®  - When you are among the first voices to speak out on an issue, it’s difficult to know if anyone is listening. When I founded The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® at Hackensack University Medical Center fifteen years ago, concern about our children's health being impacted by toxic exposures in the environment was not the hot button, trendy issue it is today.  Read more...

 

Deirdre's Dish Pick

 

 Imus Ranch Alfredo Sauce: Recipe by Deirdre Imus, The Imus Ranch: Cooking for Kids and Cowboys - Alfredo sauce is traditionally served over pasta, but it’s equally delicious on top of rice or vegetables.  The original version is made with heavy cream and full-fat cheese.  Ours is just as delicious, but a great deal healthier.
 

If you have a fond memory from your childhood about some of the dishes we post please click here to contact us, we would love to hear your story.

If you have a Healthy Recipe that you enjoy and would like to see others indulge in, please share it with us: Deirdre.Imus@hackensackmeridian.org - You may have your recipe posted live on my Recipe Page! 


Deirdre's Book Pick Of The Week

 

 ADHD Nation: Children, Doctors, Big Pharma, and the Making of an American Epidemic - by Alan Schwarz - The groundbreaking and definitive account of the widespread misdiagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder—and how its unchecked growth over half a century has made ADHD one of the most controversial conditions in medicine, with serious effects on children, adults, and society.


    Support The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center

The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health Center® is devoted to the health and well-being of children, their parents and the general public. Donations to the Environmental Health Center will support research on children's environmental health.

 

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The Imus Ranch Foundation

With the closing of The Imus Ranch For Kids with Cancer, The Imus Ranch Foundation was formed to donate 100% of all donations previously devoted to The Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer to various other charities whose work and missions compliment those of the ranch. The initial donation from The Imus Ranch Foundation was awarded to Tackle Kids Cancer, a program of The HackensackUMC Foundation and the New York Giants.  In addition, once the Imus Ranch for Kids with Cancer is sold, 100% of those funds will be contributed to The Imus Ranch Foundation.

Warner's Sports Corner

Red Sox Clinch AL East Title -The division title was theirs after the Orioles rallied to beat the Blue Jays 3-2 in Toronto on Hyun Soo Kim’s two-run homer. The Red Sox are taking care of business in New York too, leading the Yankees 3-0 in the 9th.

Tebow homers in 1st at-bat for Mets in instructional debut - Tim Tebow made a powerful first impression for the New York Mets instructional league. The former NFL quarterback homered on the first pitch he saw Wednesday in his instructional league debut, against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Mets Beat Marlins - Jay Bruce hit his 32nd home run, James Loney also homered and the Mets helped thier NL wild-card chances by beating Miami 5-2.

Recent Guests:
    Tuesday
    Sep272016

    That Boy Got an Ass-Whuppin'

    6:05:00 A.M. –    We begin with the I-Man’s Post-Mortem review of last night’s debate.  He’s apoplectic over how Trump “Got his ass handed to him.”  She beat him like a red-headed mule…like a rented stepchild.  He went down like a hooker on the Titanic.

     

    TWO PEOPLE FROM HISTORY WHO DID BETTER THAN TRUMP DID LAST NIGHT

    6:08:16 A.M.  – Imus says that between the frightening ass-whuppin’ Trump suffered from Hillary, and Deirdre’s outbursts of outrage, he had to leave the room and peek around the corner.

     

    THE BOSS GOT ALL ‘FRAIDY SCARED’

    6:16:40 A.M.  – The I-Man is incredulous that Lester Holt is supposedly Republican.  “If Lester Holt is Republican, ALAN COLMES is a Republican.”

     

    THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO THE GOP AS ALAN IS EVER GONNA GET

    6:18:36 A.M.  – Finally, the I-Man Crystallizes Donald Trump’s performance last night… “What a fat pussy.”   Not to put too fine a point on it.

    MAYBE SWITCH TO LOW FAT FRISKIES?

    6:22:14 A.M.  –  The only person the I-Man is less satisfied with than Trump, is Glen Tacinelli, the General Sales Manager here at 77WABC Radio, who, in his estimation, “Sucks to Infinity and Beyond. He sucks more than any other homosapien.”

    SEEMS BRAIN SIZE IS CONCOMITANT WITH HOW MUCH A HOMO SAPIENS SUCKS

    6:40:27 A.M. Hannah Storm is on, and the I-Man isn’t sure why.  He gives her a hard time about her Alma Mater, Notre Dame, saying that it’s not as difficult to get in there as it is to Rice, where young Wyatt has matriculated.  According to the Boss, what’s different about Rice is… “They have books.”

    NOTRE DAME VALEDICTORIAN, CLASS OF 2016 - HASHTAG ‘NOT MENSA’

    7:05:10 A.M. – The I-Man has the D-Woman poke her head in to get her assessment of last night’s debate, and she is hotter than a two dollar pistol… infuriated that anyone  could ever think that Hillary won.  She goes from 0 – 60 faster than a Porsche 918 Spyder.  In fact, she doesn’t stop there, she accelerates at such an alarming rate, we’re afraid she will spontaneously combust.  Now we know the real reason why the I-Man left the room and was peeking around the corner.

     

    BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID

    7:17:34 A.M.   Imus warns Trump after his humiliating ass-kicking by Hillary:  “You’re lucky she didn’t KILL you.”

    TRUMP BY THE CANNON IN FORT MARCY PARK?

    7:29:56 A.M. – Imus decides to play something from Lucinda Williams, and says that everybody out at the Ranch HATES her.  Deirdre, Wyatt, all the Cowboys...we imagine the horses aren’t all that crazy about her either…we can see them ‘Tying off a fetlock’.  Nothing sadder than a Horse hooked on Horse.

    SAD WHEN A THOROUGHBRED HAS TO GO OUT TO STUD TO SUPPORT HIS HABIT

    7:39:16 A.M. BERNIE & SID...our answer to ‘McNeill / Lehrer’.  Except Jim Lehrer writes books about busses, and Sid lives in a bus station.

    HE ‘SUMMERS’ AT THE AMTRAK STATION

    7:42:16 A.M. – Sid wants someone to call a doctor…he  says the debate has given him  a ‘Hard On’ for past 11 hours.  But…it’s not like anyone would ever notice.  Weird, as we always thought Hillary had the direct opposite effect on men.

     

    SORRY SID.  IT’LL MAKE IT STIFFER, BUT IT WON’T MAKE IT ANY BIGGER.

    8:15:11 A.M. – Last night Trump said that Hillary ‘Didn’t look Presidential.’  Well, according to the I-Man, neither did Trump.  Unless the president was Taft.

    DONALD TRUMP ( L )    WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT ( R )

    IN CASE YOU WERE HAVING A PROBLEM TELLING THEM APART

     8:36:07 A.M. – Imus, a man who can sell ANYTHING on the radio, reads a spot for New Jersey Diet, and encourages fat men to get serious about weight loss, noting that, once the pounds come off… “…you can get a Beemer and some pussy…”

    DROP A FEW, JUMBO, AND THEY’LL BE BEATING A PATH TO YOUR DOOR…AND YOU MIGHT EVEN ATTRACT A WOMAN…

    8:40:43 A.M. – CNN, (‘The Clinton News Network’) was in the debate hall last night, and suggests that, if you actually LISTEN to what Trump is saying…you will find yourself wondering:  “What the HELL is he talking about?”

    A YOUNG JAKE TAPPER PREPARES FOR AN EARLY BROADCAST

     VIDEO OF THE DAY

    WOMEN KICKING ASS…HILLARY STYLE

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErexOoYGCc8 

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqEtpd7cND4 

     

    Monday
    Sep262016

    Debate Night

    6:05:00 A.M. –   The I-Man is jacked up over the debate.  He doesn’t ever remember being as excited about something as this. Connell and Bernard are out at the debate’s location, which is something that ruins the Boss’ glee, as he doesn’t see a reason for them to be there.  He cannot speak with either of them off the air, which is a source of major annoyance. 

    OF COURSE, THIS IS NOT TRUE…OR, IS IT?

    6:08:16 A.M.  –  R.I.P Arnold Palmer.  Warner reports the sad news of the passing of the man who, literally, put Televised Golf on the map.  Today we toast the Legend of the Green, by hoisting a Half Glass of Half Ice Tea/ Half Lemonade.

    THE GOLDEN BEAR TOASTS HIMSELF WITH A PINT OF.HIMSELF. 

    6:16:40 A.M.  – Imus returned from a Rodeo in Louisiana last night, and is extremely happy that…nobody tried to have sex with his three dogs.  They did, however, give out their phone numbers and SnapChat handles.

    SEXY BITCH! 

    6:40:27 A.M. Anthony Mason from CBS is on, and weighs in on the new Bruce Springsteen biography, which, he says, is one of the best he’s ever read.  He mentions Bruce’s bouts with Clinical Depression.   

    BRUCE TELLS HIS THERAPIST ABOUT THE RECURRING DREAM HE HAS WHERE HES STUCK ON A FERRIS WHEEL AT THE JERSEY SHORE FOR FOUR AND A HALF HOURS 

    6:43:55 A.M. – Anthony mentions Charles Osgood’s final day as host on ‘CBS Sunday Morning’. We learn a little known fact about the bow-tied radio and television commentator and writer. Mr. Mason tells us ol’ Charlie was Eisenhower’s personal D.J.  

    FUNKMASTER CHUCK SCRATCHINTHAT ITCH 

    7:05:10 A.M. –  Imus notes that with Donald Trump being 70 years of age, and Hillary Clinton 69 years old, tonight’s debate will be “Like watching your grandparents have an argument.”

    IT COULD GET AS UGLY AS THIS TONIGHT. 

    7:17:34 A.M.   The I-Man has a burning question about tonight’s debate?  “How are we going to know who won?”

    THIS MEANS TRUMP WON 

      

    THIS MEANS HILLARY WON

    7:32:52 A.M.     Bernard attempts to hammer Bruce Springsteen, because he said derogatory things about his boy, Trump.  On the Colbert Report, Steven says that it was 50 years ago this week that Elvis appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show, and Bruce says that he remembers it well, even though he was only 7 years old.  (He is 67)  Bernie does the math for Bruce, and corrects the Boss…saying he was 17 and NOT 7.  We fact-check the date, and discover that The King appeared in 1956.  SIXTY years ago.  Which means Bruce was correct…and Colbert is the idiot.      (67-7= 60. See, WE did the math)

    C’MON…BRUCE ISN’T THAT  OLD

    BUT ELVIS WOULD BE.  DONTCHA STEP ON HIS BLUE SUEDECATHETER. 

    7:39:16 A.M.  BO MONDAY Detective Dietl thinks tonight’s debate won’t find Donald Trump ‘Blowing up’ and ‘Smacking her down’.  He predicts that the Imus’ will be riveted to their television tonight, with Deirdre eating some of that “Orgasmic Popcorn.”  We think he means ‘Organic’.

    WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO WORLD-CLASS VEGAN CHEF DEIRDRE IMUS, HER POPCORN IS DELICIOUSBUT WERE NOT SO SURE IT WOULD GIVE US  A Y’KNOW…

    8:05:11 A.M. –  Upon being informed by the I-Man of his Faux Pas from last hour, Bernard says that his blunder was intentional…that he was merely testing us, and NOT trying to make Bruce look like an idiot.  We assume he believes that it all depends on what your definition of the word ‘idiot’ is.

    CAN YOU PASS THE TEST? 

    8:14:28 A.M. –   Out at the Debate Venue, Bernard and Connell manage to snag a celebrity guest:  One of the first to officially endorse Donald Trump, Former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown.  Well…maybe snag isn’t the right term…he just happened to be delivering coffee and buttered rolls to the people from CNN, from the deli he currently works for.

    OOPS!  HE FORGOT THE SWEET ROLLS 

    8:25:42 A.M. – Bernie reports that Ted Cruz has officially endorsed Trump. The I-Man responds: “He’s a whore.”   Cruz, that is, not Bernie.

    POLITICS MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWSWHICH IS GOOD FOR TED, CONSIDERING HE WONT BE SLEEPING IN ONE WITH HIS WIFE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

    8:40:43 A.M. – Michael Goodwin from the New York Post is on, and he, as is the I-Man, trying to pace himself because he doesn’t want to get too excited before the debate begins.

    IMUS AND GOODWIN:  THEY CAN HARDLY CONTAIN THEIR PAROXYSMS OF UNRESTRAINED JOY 

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    We Congratulate and Celebrate

    The Imus' Adopted Son

    Zachary Cates


    Who, after being told he couldn't even attend Navy Flight School because he had once suffered from Cancer, graduated as the NUMBER ONE STUDENT

     in his class, and placed on

    The Commodore's  List With Distinction

     He's Gonna Be Flying THESE BABIES

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nw0gjw1XIIk

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfOD2y_AD_w&spfreload=5

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58QOBqAWNzE

    Thursday
    Sep222016

    In Don We Trust

    6:05:00 A.M. –    It’s the first day of fall, the I-Man’s favorite season.

    ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, AT LEAST THERE WILL BE FEWER BIRDS TAKING A DUMP ON HIM

    6:16:40 A.M.  –  Imus has to share some horrible news; The passing of Eileen Jurist, who was the inspiration for The Tomorrow’s Children Fund, and daughter of our dear friend, David Jurist, who, himself, is one of the most extraordinary people on the planet.  Our heart breaks for him and their family, and although we mourn her loss, we celebrate the incredibly legacy she leaves behind in the name of the fight against Childhood Cancer.  

    EILEEN JURIST, (BACK ROW CENTER) WITH DAVID  AND THE JURIST FAMILY

    6:21:36 A.M.  – The Boss is not happy with the top brass here at WABC, Vice President/Market Manager at Cumulus Media, Chad ‘Pee Wee Herman’ Lopez, P.D. Craig Schwab, but mostly, Glen Tacinelli, the general sales manager, who, when Imus told him he needed an oxygen hose, said he’d ‘Take care of it.’   That was weeks ago, and, as you might imagine…still no hose.  Yah.  Like that’s an accident.

    WE SENT THE I-MAN A HOSE…AND GOT NOT SO MUCH AS A ‘THANK YOU’

    6:40:27 A.M. Congressman Peter King says he will vote for Trump.  He will be holding his nose when he does, but, nevertheless, he’s socking it in on The Donald in November.  Traditionally people who follow the Congressman in the voting booth hold their noses as well…but only because Congressman King is very gassy.

    NOT ONLY DID HE ‘SMELT IT’…WE’RE PRETTY SURE HE ‘DEALT IT’ AS WELL

    7:02:30 A.M. –   Steve Greenfield, who is filling in for our regular Traffic Guy, Jeff McKay, says that his Traffic Report is sponsored by…um…he doesn’t know.  We hear papers shuffling, and then he promises he will tell us in 20 Minutes.  Steve’s not exactly going to be working the Genius Bar any time soon.  In fact, he’s been with us for 4 days now, and yet, STILL refers to Connell as ‘Colin.’

    OKAY, STEVE.  ONE LAST TIME…

     

    THIS IS CONNELL                                   THIS IS COLIN

    ANY QUESTIONS?

    7:05:10 A.M. – David Jurist phones in to give tribute to the life of his daughter Eileen, and to comfort US, in his time of sorrow.  To say that David is blessed…doesn’t even begin to describe the kind of man he is.

    DAVID AND DEIRDRE, WHO EACH DID SO MUCH FOR THE TOMORROWS CHILDREN FUND, THE IMUS RANCH FOR KIDS WITH CANCER, AND EILEEN JURIST

    7:17:34 A.M.   Bill Simmons, host of HBO’s ‘Any Given Wednesday’, the show that melds the worlds of Sports, Politics and Pop Culture,  invited NBA Superstar Kevin Durant, and Rap Icon, Nas to appear on the program.  I-Man pronounces ‘Nas’ as ‘Naz’, as in ‘Jazz’…when the correct way to say the man’s name is ‘Noz’, as in the Wizard Of… or, like ‘Schnozz.’   Speaking of Schnozzes, we’re surprised Imus didn’t pronounce Kevin Durant as ‘Kevine Durante.’  Hotch Hotch Hotch Cha Cha!

    KEVIN ‘THE SCHNOZZ’ DURANTE

    7:32:07 A.M.  Bernie plays a clip of Filipino President, Rodrigo Duterte, who responding to European Union’s criticism of the Extrajudicial Killings of Drug dealers in his country.  Basically, it’s yet another “Who are you?   Who are you to tell me how to run my country?”

    7:39:16 A.M.  PSYCHOS begins with Curtis Sliwa, who says it’s “Time to settle all scores with all Bullies” sounding eerily reminiscent of Michael Corleone right before his nephew’s baptism, where he settled all family business.  Curtis is referring to “Andrew, Evil Eyes, Cuomo, King Cuomo the 2nd, Son of Mario Faccia Brutta King Cuomo the 1st   and   “Shamu, El Jefe Chris Christie”.   We hope he’s not thinking about doing a ‘Moe Green’ type hit.

    “YOU KNOW WHO I AM?  I’M CHRIS CHRISTIE…I MADE MY BONES WHEN YOU WERE GOING OUT WITH CHEERLEADERS!”

    Alan is upset to learn Trump used his Charitable Trump Foundation’s money to settle personal lawsuits, in the form of ‘Donations’, making it appear he was using his own money.

    IN DON WE TRUST

    Bernie criticizes President Obama’s Immigration Policies, which resulted in two terrorist attacks by people we let in from Muslim Countries.  No, not the two who perpetrated the Charleston Church, and Dallas Sniper shootings, or, for that matter,  the guys who brought automatic weapons into the movie theater or shot the children in the Connecticut Elementary School.  Those four were U.S. Citizens.  Still, we have to agree with Trump… “It’s a terrible thing that’s going on in the world.”  Pithy, salient point, you got there, Donald.  Especially when you consider the guy who’s responsible for the Dumpster Bomb in NYC was from…Jersey.  We’d certainly like to prevent those people from coming into New York, that’s for sure.

    IF TRUMP HAD A POLICY THAT WOULD PREVENT DOUCHEBAGS FROM IMMIGRATING TO NEW YORK, WE’D VOTE FOR HIM IN A HEARTBEAT

    8:15:11 A.M. – Connell feels compelled to report on the Brangelina Split, focusing on new reports suggesting that the reason Angelina filed for divorce from Brad was because of his excessive drinking and pot smoking, which manifested in some serious anger issues that he took out on their children.  The I-Man wants to know “What does Brad Pitt have to be angry about?” Noting that for the better part of his life, Pitt’s been flying around on Private Jets.  Well, maybe he was angry that those kids were trying to open the door on the Jet.

    OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

    8:18:36 A.M. – As if you needed yet another reason to hate Anthony Weiner, or, as the I-Man refers to him ‘Punk-Ass Bitch’, it’s been revealed that he had been ‘Sexting’ a 15 year old girl.  Hopefully, Justice will be done, and he’ll wind up someplace where HE will be somebody’s ‘girlfriend’.  Because we all know how much convicted felons LOVE Pedophiles.  

    WEINER’S FUTURE ROOMMATE.  ANTHONY WILL BE VERY POPULAR ON THE PRISON DATING SCENE

    8:36:09 A.M. – Minnesota Vikings’ running back Adrian Peterson underwent surgery for a lateral meniscus tear in his right knee he suffered last Sunday in the Vikings’ game with the Green Bay Packers.  Although we think he may have first injured it in 2014, when he beat his 4 year old son with a tree branch. Peterson opted to have the full repair of his meniscus, rather than a trim that could have had him back in several weeks.  But, if it were up to the I-Man?  “I’d let his kid do the surgery” Which would pretty much keep this ‘Father of the Year’ Parenting Role Model out of the game for good.

    YOUNG DR. TYRESE

    8:40:43 A.M. – Jeff Greenfield is on, and proudly informs us he’s covered every Presidential debate for the past 35 years, which works out to be a little more than 8 presidencies.  Big Deal.  Warner covered every Olympics.  EVERY one.

    IF YOU HAD PLINY THE ELDER TAKING THE GOLD IN THE 440 CHARIOT…YOU LOST!

    8:41:07 A.M. – Jeff goes on to say that if he were working for the Clinton campaign, he wouldn’t have a clue how to prepare.  Which means he’d fit right in with the rest of the team.

    YOU JUST KNOW THE CHICK ON THE END IS THINKING:

    “WHERE THE HELL DID WE PICK UP THIS CREEPY OLD DUDE?”

     

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

     CURTIS SLIWA SETTLED SOME SCORES TODAY.

    HERE ARE TWO OTHER POWERFUL FIGURES WHO DID THE SAME. EACH IN THEIR OWN WAY.

     Roderigo Duterte

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpOMlsCCVVQ 

    Michael Corleone

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NelPe_T9Qr8 

    Wednesday
    Sep212016

    Don't Look at Me

    6:05:00 A.M. – The I-Man makes the observation that the Traffic Guy, Steve Greenfield, who is filling in for our own Jeff McKay, “Sounds like one of those 99X Disc Jockeys.”

    “One minute downhill side of midnight, it's me, Captain Gonzo, ready to roll hot wax, anything you want to hear, it’s a  balmy 73 degrees in fog city,  71 in the valley 80 in Santa Cruz, but remember if you snooze you lose, let me know what you want to hear, the phone lines are open now, you say it, you know I'm gonna play it and be ready to win when I tell you to call in, but whatever you do, remember the phrase that pays, so put your brain on vacation and let your toes take over, keep your pedal to the metal, I'll be back in sixty seconds, in the meantime, go nuts, here on 99.5, WAKY, Wacky Radio!!!” 

    6:08:16 A.M.  – Connell reports that Rahami got his bomb-making supplies on Ebay.  We wonder if he bid on them, or just hit the ‘Buy it Now’ button, so as not to be outbid by ISIS.   And did he use PayPal?

    RAHAMI’S EBAY ACCOUNT, OR WHAT WE’D CALL A ‘RED FLAG’

    6:16:40 A.M.  – Bill Belichick was asked about the condition of his Quarterback, Jimmy Garoppolo, who is suffering from a sprained AC joint in his throwing shoulder.  Belichick said “I don’t do surgery.  I coach the team.”   Thank God. 

    COINCIDENTALLY, DR. SANJAY GUPTA DOESN’T COACH THE PATRIOTS EITHER

    6:40:27 A.M.  Peter Kiernan, author of Becoming China’s Bitch, is on to discuss… Donald Trump’s taxes.  Mr. Kiernan says that, when it comes to Charitable Donations, “Generosity is not Trump’s passion.” 

    AND THEN, LATER THAT NIGHT, HE WAS VISITED BY BERNIE MADOFF’S GHOST

    7:05:10 A.M. – Imus claims that Connell doesn’t understand the Wells Fargo Debacle, because he can’t explain it to the I-Man in way that he can understand, a task which is tantamount to somebody trying to explain the iPhone to one of the Lost Tribes in the Amazon.

    THE PROBLEM IS, THEY HAVE TO GO TO THE TOP OF THE HUT JUST TO GET A SIGNAL.  AND EVEN THAT’S ONLY 4G

    7:17:34 A.M. –   Imus warns Warner there’s not a lot of time to go on and on with the sports, and to keep it short.  Which should be a hint to Warner that he should close with a “My time is up…thank you for yours.”   Instead, he tells a story about Yasiel Puig and his Dodgers Teammates mocking Madison Bumgarner with ‘Don’t Look At Me’ T-Shirts, after a highly publicized altercation between the two players.  The bit falls flat…which prompts Warner to say “I guess it wasn’t that funny.”  To which, I-Man replies “Neither was this.”  Warner then responds “Don’t look at me.”  See what he did there?

    YEAH, IF WE DID SOMETHING THAT LAME, WE’D TRY TO HIDE OUR FACES TOO

    7:29:41 A.M. – Gary Johnson continues his ‘Dumber than Dog$#!+’ tour, in an interview on ‘Reliable Sources’ on CNN.  When asked about the Dumpster Bomb which injured 31 people; and the Minnesota Mall Stabbing attacks, which wounded 9, Johnson replied, “At least nobody got hurt.”  In another interview on CNN, he attempted to express his respect and admiration for the F.B.I. and Police’s ability to track suspects, he said “I wish I had this intelligence.”   So do we, Gary, so do we.

    HE’S ACTUALLY DUMB ENOUGH TO PLAY BOTH PARTS

    7:39:16 A.M. – Time for our weekly ritual sacrifice, BLONDE ON BLONDE, where Deirdre, symbolically, gives Alan Colmes a series of paper cuts, and then throws salt and rubbing alcohol on them.  The I-Man asks how we will know who won the debate, and Alan says “All Trump has to do is stand up, and not spit up and he wins, because the expectations are so low.”  Deirdre counters with “It all depends on how they both handle their tempers.”  She also notes that Trump wins “If Hillary passes out.”  Sounds like this debate is somewhat reminiscent of the daily ‘Calmed, Measured Discussions’ in the Imus household, where Deirdre always wins because she CAN’T control her temper, and the I-Man usually passes out because she’s standing on his oxygen hose.

    DEIRDRE NIGHTINGALE TENDS TO HER ‘PATIENT’

    8:05:34 A.M. – After playing yet another tedious ‘Kars 4 Kids’ Spot, the I-Man declares, “You know what creeps me out?  The guy who sings the Kars 4 Kids jingle with the kids.”  

    AND THEN HE WENT TO SUBWAY WITH JARED

    8:18:36 A.M. – Gunz, ever the broadcast professional, coughs into the mic on air.  

    MUST BE CONTAGIOUS

    8:40:43 A.M. – Bob Beckel!  One of our favorite guest.  He’s phoning in before he undergoes a ‘Medical Procedure’.  A concerned I-Man asks what he’s having done, and Mr. Beckel replies “It’s not something you’d want to discuss over breakfast.”  Apparently, it’s just a checkup, and we assume it has something to do with a prostate, so…we’d agree…we wouldn’t even want to THINK about that over breakfast.

    MAYBE IT’S US…BUT IT LOOKS LIKE BOB MIGHT BE LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS

    8:41:07 A.M. – Beckel said he’s ‘Behaving Himself.’  He’s a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and realized it was time for a life change when he found himself in a bar hitting on a Biker’s Girlfriend, which resulted in his looking down the barrel of a .45, wielded by the Biker, who fired, but, thankfully, the bullet wasn’t in the chamber.  The next thing Beckel remembers, , he was being tossed back and forth across the parking lot, and, crumpled in a heap, made a deal with Jesus to straighten up and fly right.  Well, it could’ve been much worse, he could’ve tried to kiss a transvestite.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

    WE’RE PRETTY SURE THIS CHICK COULD’VE TAKEN CARE OF HERSELF…AND WE’RE NOT SO SURE SHE WASN’T THE ONE WHO THREW HIM AROUND THE PARKING LOT.

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    GARY JOHNSON’S MENSA AUDITION TAPE

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P40U3l8OGeQ 


    Thursday
    Sep152016

    That Boy is Fat

    6:05:00 A.M. –    The I-Man reports that ‘Trump is Fat’.  6’3”…236 pounds.  He keeps this up, Donald won’t have to build a wall…he can just stand at the border himself. 

    HE’S GOING TO MAKE MEXICO PAY FOR HIM

    6:08:16 A.M.  – On his new show on Fox Sports, ‘Undisputed’, Skip Bayless interviewed Lil Wayne, who, by the way, wrote the theme song for the show.  Mr. Wayne says that he has never experienced racism.  That’s not the best part of the story.  The best part of the story would be Deirdre, calling him ‘Little Wayne’.

    ‘LITTLE’ WAYNE                                           LIL’ WAYNE

    6:16:40 A.M.  –  Richard Kinky ‘Big Dick’ Friedman was out at the ranch, and the I-Man makes the observation that the Kinkster looks like a Kix Brooks impersonator.

    OKAY, WE CAN’T TELL…WHICH ONE IS WYATT?

    6:40:27 A.M. Gordon Chang is on to discuss North Korea’s recent Nuclear Missile tests, and mentions that Lil’ Kim’s last explosion was a little larger than the one that hit Hiroshima.  Apparently, they’re trying to develop a bomb that can be put atop a Long Range Missile, which makes South Korea nervous, as they’re not sure that the U.S. is willing to come defend them.  If South Korea is really worried, they should get a bunch of those Korean-Made Samsung Galaxy Note 7s.  Then just throw them over the border, call them, and wait until they all blow up.

    LIL’ WAYNE SHOWS HOW TO PUT OUT THE FIRE ON A GALAXY NOTE 7

    BUT, OF COURSE, THE NORTH KOREANS AREN’T EXACTLY KNOWN FOR THEIR CHAMPAGNE

    7:05:10 A.M. – The topic of Sid Rosenberg comes up, as the I-Man rhetorically asks “Why would someone turn themselves into that?”  He’s referring to Sid’s spray tanned, muscular frame.  He calls Sid ‘The Orange Shrek’.

    WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE I-MAN’S TALKING ABOUT

    7:39:16 A.M.  PSYCHOS – Despite Deirdre’s attempt to jump in right out of the box, (She’s chomping at the bit to take down Alan), the I-Man has Curtis go first, and Guardian Angel Sliwa is armed and ready.  He chastises prospective rival for the New York Mayoral race, Bo Dietl, by saying that he’s ‘Wining, Dining and Pocket Lining with the Freakozoids out in the Hamptons’, instead of Working the Stump, and hump like Trump.  In essence, he thinks Bo should get off his rump.  Clearly, Curtis has bought himself a new Rhyming Dictionary.

    CURTIS.  HE’S OVER HERE NOW.

    Alan weighs in with the opinion that Trump’s position on Maternity Leave is an antiquated, sexist view, which is that only females can be the Caregivers.  Alan believes that, today, there are many different types who can fill that role.  Colmes knows from whence he speaks…having been abandoned as a child, and raised by a ‘Business’ of Ferrets.

    THE COLMES FAMILY PORTRAIT, CIRCA 1963

    Deirdre accuses Hillary of memory loss, pointing out her Congressional testimony, where she couldn’t seem to recall a lot of things.  What Deirdre doesn’t seem to take into consideration is, if you were married to Bill Clinton, you’d want to ‘disremember’ a lot of stuff too.

    OBVIOUSLY, THAT WON’T BE ONE OF THE PICTURES ON HER DESK IN THE OVAL OFFICE

    And Bernard is honked off at President Obama, who, in his opinion, is being fiscally irresponsible, admitting and paying for 100 thousand refugees at the expense of everything else in this country that needs to be funded.  He complains that there’s funding for prisoners awaiting sex changes…

    IF IT WERE UP TO BERNIE, HE’D CUT FUNDING FOR REFUGEE TRANSGENDER PRISONERS…IN HALF.

    8:05:11 A.M. – Imus asks Warner if he still drinks wine every night.  Warner says not so much anymore…he’s doing Grey Goose and Tonic these days.  We always knew that Box Wine was a Gateway Beverage.  That’s how it starts.  How long before our beloved, venerable sportscaster is found in a Naples alleyway, trying to suck sterno through a handkerchief?

    ’99 BOTTLES OF GREY GOOSE ON THE WALL…99 BOTTLES OF GREY GOOSE…”

    8:22:44 A.M. – Although one of his favorite catchphrases was ‘Judge and ye shall be judged.”,  Philly Jesus found himself experiencing his own Judgment Day, as a Philadelphia Municipal Court found him guilty of ‘Defiant Trespass’. Which, interestingly enough, was one of the things they charged the real Jesus with.  Philly Jesus was sentenced to three months’ probation, which, considering the verdict the Christ received, we’d say he got off easy.

    LATER, PHILLY JESUS SHOWED OFF AT THE GENIUS BAR BY MAKING ‘SIRI’ ACCURATELY TRANSCRIBE HIS VOICE TEXTS

    8:40:43 A.M. – Leif Babin, a ‘Power Rotation’ guest from ‘Echelon Front’, an outfit that teaches companies how to build, train and develop high performance teams, is in studio.  He says that you can’t solve problems if you deny there is a problem, but insists that he’s NOT a ‘Motivational Speaker’: “I’m here to tell you how much you suck.”  So, we guess the I-Man’s not a ‘Motivational Speaker’ either.

    IMUS ( L ) & BABIN ( R ) [JUST IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL WHO IS WHO]

    TWO ‘NON-MOTIVATIONAL’ SPEAKERS

    9:07:11 A.M. –  Connell reports that a New York Times/CBS News Poll finds that Hillary and Trump are virtually even, ‘Abreast’ of each other, if you will.  Which makes sense, seeing as how they both have quite a pair of them.

    SECRETARY CLINTON, CLEARLY A BIT ENVIOUS OF TRUMP’S ‘RACK’

    VIDEO OF THE DAY

    A Tribute to Donald Trump

    Who Has Been Revealed to Be ‘A Bigger Man’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4WlkJXWzmE