6:05:10 a.m.- The I-Man says that he’s going to discontinue the very entity you are currently reading. We certainly hope not, but if it is indeed true, we hope you enjoy …what could conceivably be, the very last Behind the Scenes Blog. Seems like just yesterday when we started this journey. Although it couldn’t have been yesterday, because that was Sunday, and we don’t write it on Weekends. But tomorrow it will seem just like yesterday when we fondly remember today’s entry.
B.T.S. R.I.P. (BEHIND THE SCENES – READ IN PEACE)
6:07:14 a.m. – Imus and Wyatt picked the football games this weekend, and the Boss got one right, and Wyatt did somewhat better, causing the I-Man to pronounce that they should not be allowed to watch football at all. Which should be Warner’s punishment, as he, pretty consistently, does worse than them.
EVEN A BEAR KNOWS NOT TO PICK THE JETS
6:14:36 a.m. – While the I-Man and the Wy-Man were watching the games over the weekend, the D-Woman would come into the room to read aloud from her iPad, an article about Ebola. Her mania about this disease is beginning to concern the normally skeptical I-Man…as she’s been right about everything vis-à-vis Ebola so far. And if she’s right now…we’re all gonna die.
DEIRDRE. EBOLA BETTER WATCH ITS’ ASS.
6:27:54 a.m. – The Bernie Briefing, where a clip is played from John Oliver’s ‘Last Week Tonight’. It’s from the new ABC series ‘How to Get Away With Murder.’ And it’s the 9 Words that ended last week’s episode: “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?” If we had a nickel for every time we’ve been asked that question…
JUST AFTER SHE RECEIVED THE TEXT…BUT JUST BEFORE SHE CROAKED
6:40:08 a.m. – Bo Dietl is here and begins talking about his old pal, ‘Al Tomatoes’ and how he doesn’t sell Fugazy vegetables. When you think you’re buying ‘Orgasmic Tomatoes’ (Which are so organic they can actually make you swoon) unless you get them from Al, you’re paying 20 dollars more than you should, because they are fake-a-tacious. Then he says that the Ebola we are experiencing is a mutate-a-tation from the strain that existed 15 years ago. He gets almost as lathered up as Deirdre, except he doesn’t read aloud. Probably because he can’t read. Although he is loud. “You know where you get Ebola from?” he screams. “SCREWING ANIMALS!” Which means that if it was around in the 70’s…the I-Man might’ve caught it. Not that actually laid animals…but he was known to spend time with some pigs.
“IT WAS A NIGHT I’LL NEVER FORGET…AND HE CAST ME ASIDE LIKE AN OLD COWBOY BOOT… HE DOESN’T WRITE, HE DOESN’T CALL…”
7:05:12 a.m. – The Boss comments on a local promotion being held by WABC our home station. It’s a ‘Hang With Geraldo’ event…wherein, you can ‘Grab a Drink and talk to Geraldo about the Mid-Term elections.’ Wow. If that sounds exciting to you…you might want to…get somebody with Ebola to pee on you. Although it might be a couple laughs to go just to watch a bunch of drunks talk to Geraldo. “Hey…hey! I said…Hey! Any more Nazis break your nose? Take your shirt off, I wanna see your nipples again!”
7:07:14 a.m. – Imus notices that Lori Rothman is back at the Business Desk, and “Girl got her RED dress on!” She’s uncharacteristically chipper, and when questioned as to the reason behind the unusual cheeriness, she says that she and her husband, ‘Frodo’, went to South Beach for the Weekend. We would surmise that it’s because she got a little ‘Sumpin Sumpin’ in Miami…but it WAS South Beach after all. Not that ‘Frodo’ is…well, ‘South Beach Friendly’. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
FRODO AND LORI ROTHMAN VACATIONING IN MIAMI. A LITTLE OVERDRESSED, PERHAPS, BUT IT DIDN’T KEEP HIM FROM ‘GETTING ALL UP IN HER SHIRE.’
7:36:10 a.m. – IT MIGHT BE ELVIS - Lou Rufino has chosen the songs this week. First up is Eminem. It goes in the Power Rotation. Dagen votes thumbs up merely because “It’s not Van Morrison.” The Replacements won’t be replacing anybody, even though they influenced bands like Green Day and Weezer, because it reminds Dagen of when she slept on a mattress on her boyfriend’s floor. Which was…what? A couple days ago? Black Keys gets unanimous kudos… a song that, as Tony says, “You’ll like the third time you hear it.” Okay. We’ll wait on the next two plays. Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness” doesn’t pass, even though the Band AND the song could easily be the Imus in the Morning theme, Nils Lofgren’s ‘Fat Girls Dance’ has an interesting hook, and the image of Big Butted girls shaking their moneymakers is appealing, but the Boss nixes it, despite the fact that Nils influenced bands like Green Day and Weezer. Joan Osbourne rounds out Lou’s picks, and the I-Man “LOVE THIS RECORD!” Interestingly enough, Joan was inspired by bands like Green Day and Weezer. We have learned one thing from Lou’s eclectic assemblage of tunes this morning. He must’ve smoked a bowl of bitchin’ keef while he was picking them.
IF ‘GOD WAS ONE OF US’ …HE’D BE DOING TIME
8:11:22 a.m. – The Boss says he has decided talk to Deirdre the way he would speak to the Pope. Although it’s hard to imagine him calling the Pontiff a ‘Crazy White Woman’ Except…Francis DOES wear a dress.
“ ‘I’LL START WITH THIS ONE’? THAT’S A GREAT STORY, MAMA T! I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL THAT ONE TO MY HUSBAND!”
“HEY, LISTEN BLONDIE…DON’T CALL ME MAMA T.”
8:16:16 a.m. – I-Man continues his Catholic Riff, saying that “Cardinal Dolan needs to calm down. He’s like a Game Show Host.” For what game? “Holy Family Feud”? (‘Show me…Transmogrification!’) “Wheel of Absolution”? (‘C’mon, Penance! C’mon, Penance!) Or the “Vatican Squares” (‘I’ll take Cardinal Pasquale to block!’) Bernie chastises Imus for making fun of a man of God. “He might be Pope some day.” I-Man is incredulous. “Snoop Dogg will be Pope before Cardinal Dolan!” You’ll know he’s been elected when you see the White Smoke.
“DO THIS SMELL LIKE FRANKINCENSE TO YOU?”
(AND THAT’S ONE HELLUVA ROACH CLIP, PAPA DOGG)
8:18:36 a.m. – Former Navy S.E.A.L., and current lethal weapon, Leif Babin , the new Proud Papa, is in the Greenroom with his Proud Papa, Dr. Brian Babin. The new bundle of joy is Leif’s first child and Dr. Brian’s 11th grandchild. Not yet 3 months old, and the little tyke can already bench Imus’ weight.
BRIAN BABIN THE 3RD. (ARTIST’S RENDERING) ‘TRACE’ AS HE IS KNOWN, PUMPS A LITTLE IRON. HE CAN ALREADY WALK. HE JUST CHOOSES NOT TO
VIDEO OF THE DAY
‘DISTURBED’, THE BAND THAT’S ‘DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS’ PROVIDES THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE TELEVISED LINE OF THE CENTURY, AND THE MOST COMPELLING QUESTION OF OUR TIME