6:07:38 A.M. – The I-Man Is on Vacation until after Labor Day so keep an eye out for him on the highways and by-ways of this great nation. Imus loves road trips. He thinks all of those raised fingers from the other drivers are telling him that “he’s number 1”. We don’t have the heart to tell him.
Imus In His Classic 1983 Family Truckster
6:08:18 A.M. – Warner Wolf has graced us with his presence live in studio. We are concerned about our favorite sportscaster as he hates changing his daily routine as much as Dustin Hoffman did in Rainman. Connell suggests that Warner could hit some balls at Chelsea Piers. Bernie says he could also hit balls into the Hudson from the West Side Highway near Warner’s apartment. If neither of those options work Warner could always step on a rake and hit some balls.
Ten Minutes To Golf. Ten Minutes. Yea. I’m An Excellent Golpher. Yea
6:16:02 A.M. – Warner gives us a Little League World Series update and says that Korea beat Mexico. We assume Warner means South Korea. We can’t imagine Lil Kim Jong Un would field a little league team. Lil Kim prefers using baseball bats to keep his staff in line.
Lil Kim Batting Practice
“So You Fat Bitches Ate All Of The Kimchi? I’m About To Go Two For Two”
6:42:32 A.M. – We replay the I-Man’s fine interview with former New York Times Theater Critic, and current executive producer of the hit HBO show Veep, Frank Rich. Frank says that he can’t imagine Trump as president, and he now has reservations about Hillary. Looks like the boy is going to use his ballot to write in Selina Meyer. Hell, at this point he might as well write in Oscar Meyer. Oscar could easily win this. People like hot dogs more than Trump, and Hillary. We’re sure people will buy his baloney before theirs.
Presidential Candidate Oscar Meyer (Weiner) On The Campaign Trail At A Huge Rally At Wrigley Field Where He Was Warmly Received. In Fact Too Warmly As The Secret Service Had To Fend Off Some Fat People Trying To Eat Him
Weiner Endorses Weiner For President Creating Problems At Home With Huma
7:06:10 A.M. – As Warner attempts to “tease” his upcoming story about a near no hitter by San Francisco Giant pitcher Matt Moore, who had his game broken up by a two out hit in the ninth inning, he realizes that in the age of 24 hour news and cell phones because people already know the results. He laments that it’s not like the old days. True. Back in Warner’s day sportscasters would huddle around the telegraph office waiting for the scores. Then they would send their tease via carrier pigeon. A typical sportscast could last the better part of two weeks.
Warner Does His Tease Old School. “Just So We’re On The Same page…You Say That If I Had Moore Getting A No Hitter You Lost? Cool. See You In A Couple Of Days Warner…Brrrrr”
7:16:09 A.M. – Warner reports that Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekial Elliott stopped by a marijuana dispensary in Seattle two hours before his game against the Seahawks. Weed is legal in Washington State, but not in the NFL. Elliott was going to have a great NFL season, but now he’s not, and we know why, because he got high, because got high, because he got high.
Based On This Outfit, We’re Going To Guess That Elliott Has Smoked Before
7:42:43 A.M. – Vinnie From Queens featuring Warner Wolf, Connell McShane, Lou Rufino, Bernard McGuirk, and Tony Powell begins with a discussion of New York Yankees rookie Phenom Gary Sanchez who is off to a blazing start. The guys ponder whether he is a flash in the pan, or the real deal. We agree that it’s too early to tell as another Sanchez, The Jets Mark Sanchez, had a hot start too. Well that’s true, but we don’t imagine that Gary will be running into the second baseman’s butt anytime soon.
As Long As He Hits The Long Ball And Stays Out The Butts He Should Be Fine
8:16:43 A.M. – During Warner’s sports report he mentions that this year’s Barclay’s Golf Championship is being played on Long Island at Bethpage’s infamous Black course. Connell says that he has played Bethpage, and that there is a sign on the Black course saying that it is extremely difficult. Naturally it sounds racist to Tony who suggests that maybe the course is misunderstood, and that perhaps people should take the time to get to know it.
Black Courses Matter! No Justice No Tees!
8:41:11 A.M. – We welcome a new voice to the program in the form of CNN’s Chris Frates. Connell asks Frates about the election and Hillary’s troubles this past week. Frates says that Hillary had a rough week primarily because Trump kept his mouth shut, and stayed on message. The two men then discuss yesterday’s who is the bigger racist contest in the Presidential election where Hillary accused Trump of being a racist in response to trump calling her a bigot. Who’s the Bigger Racist? Hmmm. That sounds like the title of a new game show. David Duke, come on down.
“Okay Here’s The Clue David. It’s An Annoying Person.. The Word has an N, two Gs and ends with an ER. … Five Seconds…Oh…tough break…, I’m sorry David. The Word We Were looking For is Nagger. But You Are The Bigger Racist”
VIDEO OF THE DAY
We’re On Vacay. See You Soon. Hope Your Vacation Turns Out Better Than The Griswalds